Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch

WEEK 7:

2011-10-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

BEARS VS BUCCANEERS (+1) (IN LONDON, ENGLAND): Those blimey Brits are in for a real treat, as we send them Jay Cutler. That should put a quick end to that whole "Ugly Americans" thing! To me the game is kind of cool, but why not try and move it around? Maybe to more old homes of World League of American Football teams? Frankfurt, Barcelona maybe even the rebooted WLAFers in Rhein and Amsterdam? Who wouldn't want to see a skirmish in Frankfurt's gorgeous Waldstadion? Come on! Do it for WLAF superstar Kerwin Bell! BEARS 27-20

REDSKINS @ PANTHERS (-2.5): Point of order, Peter King and the rest of the talking heads, Kurt Coleman did not single-handedly save (possibly) the Eagles season. I think Rex Grossman deserves more credit than he is getting for the Eagles "big" win on Sunday. He was riverboat gamblin', like only a professional riverboat gambler, could riverboat gamble! Riverboat gambler! John Beck was most assuredly adequate in taking over for Sexy Rexy on Sunday, but if I'm a Redksins fan, I'm not super confident in either QB leading them anywhere but to the land of mediocrity. PANTHERS 21-17

CHARGERS @ JETS (+2): Unsexy Rexy got his team back on track a little, by beating the Dolphins, and while the Dolphins are pretty much crud personified, a win is a win. But if the Jets wannna be contenders, they have to be concerned that the 3 teams they beat have a combined record of 3-13, while the team they've lost to are 13-3. Sadly, looking at the Jets schedule from here, I'm not sure this is a must win for the Jets. It would be a big one heading into the bye week, but after the bye, aside from 2 games against Buffalo and one against the Patriots, they have it fairly easy- Broncos, Chiefs, Redskins, Dolphins, Eagles Giants. Now the NFC East teams are inconsistent so you don't know what you're gettin', but as of right now, the Jets could get to 9-7 without beating a winning team. CHARGERS 28-20

SEAHAWKS @ BROWNS (-3): The Niners should be watching this closely as a Seahawks loss puts the Niners magic number at 8! Yes the NFC west is bad. As Frank Caliendo, as George W. Bush, said, " Leading the NFC West is like being the most famous Menefee." I keep waiting for Colt McCoy to go off or for Peyton Hills to help my gosh darned fantasy team by doing ANYTHING! But, alas, neither has quite happened yet. Could this be the week? Probably not, but I like the Brownies over the Hawks, regardless. BROWNS 24-16

TEXANS @ TITANS (-3): Pretty big game in the AFC South, what with the Colts and Jaguars being more or less non-entities this year. A rested and refreshed Matt Hasselbeck against the Mario Williams-less Texans. This could probably go either way, but I am going for the rested Titans. TITANS 25-21

BRONCOS @ DOLPHINS (-1.5): Well, this should be, hands down, the "game I could not care less about" for week seven. But Tim Tebow is playing! I mean did the odds makers completely forget this when making the spread? The spread should be the Broncos by 57! Tim Tebow, walks on water! Tim Tebow can eat just one potato chip! Tim Tebow is the cure for Bieber Fever! Tim Tebow throws footballs through brick walls....with his non-throwing hand! It takes Tim Tebow 30 seconds to make Minute Rice! But seriously, he's wildly overrated and I am glad the media has kept this story in check and not blown it out of all sorts of proportions. BRONCOS 87-3

FALCONS @ LIONS (-3.5): The Falcons continue to disappoint me, but were able to put the Panthers away last week. The Lions were handed their first loss, but I still think they're the real deal. Besides the Falcons have not won two games in a row yet this season! LIONS 31-27

CHIEFS @ RAIDERS (-4.5): Well if the Radiers are for real or not, will not be proven this week against the lowly Chiefs. Even with Hesiman running the offense (that reference is for the die hard "Bitterness" fans). And is it just me or does it seem like a really long time ago that KC won the AFC West? Apparently it was just last season? RAIDERS 35-20

STEELERS @ CARDINALS (+3.5): Just one of two, yes TWO, games between teams that have met each other in a Super Bowl. And they both figure to be equally un-compelling games. This is not of those games where I give the Cards no chance because I am somehow under the delusion the Steelers are ridiculously great. No, no. I give the Cards no chance cause they're terrible. STEELERS 24-17

RAMS @ COWBOYS (-12): This one slides right into this week's, "Game I Could Not Care Less About" spot. COWBOYS 42-12

PACKERS @ VIKINGS (-9): Easy first game for Christian Ponder against the undefeated, defending Super Bowl champs. Good luck with all of that. PACKERS 27-14

COLTS @ SAINTS (-14): Super Bowl, um, something or other, rematch looked great before Peyton Manning went under the knife. Saints should downright cruise, not sure why they wouldn't. But I still stay away from a spread this big. SAINTS 28-17

RAVENS @ JAGUARS (+7.5): Really? Someone actually thought the Jaguars deserved a Monday night game? At home? This is shaping up to be one of the worst years for Monday Night Football that I can remember. RAVENS 31-13

Next week, extra cheese!

WEEK SIX: GAME OF KITNAS

2011-10-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

RAMS @ PACKERS (-15): The Rams have been less than impressive for the most part and the Packers are pretty darned good. The Packers have to be the front runners for the NFC crown at this point and I don't foresee their first loss coming this week. PACKERS 31-17

JAGUARS @ STEELERS (-12): Much to my surprise the Steelers trounced the Titans last week. I'm pretty entertained by the fact that when the Steelers lose they're too old, and when they win they're not too old at all. Well, I still think they're getting old and are overrated, but the Jaguars are rated just right and that bodes well for the Steelers. STEELERS 21-13

EAGLES @ REDSKINS (+1.5): Panic time in Philly! I repeat, time to PANIC, Eagles! Another must win for the Eagles here against the Skins in our nation's capital. It appears the Eagles are just overrated. Vick is good though and at some point you gotta figure the Eagles will turn it on and string some wins together. My bet? It starts this week. EAGLES 27-17

49ERS @ LIONS (-4): A battle between two of the early season upstarts. The Niners are fairly good, but I feel like the Lions are much more legit. The Niners defense will certainly have their work cut out for them, as they try and contain Megatron, who is well on his way to setting the single season receiving touchdowns record. LIONS 23-14

PANTHERS @ FALCONS (-4): I continue to try aNd have faith in the Falcons, but there's just something about them that screams mediocrity. This is why this is my upset special this week. I mean Figgy can really toss the pigskin and the Panthers are bound to get some big wins eventually, so why not this week? PANTHERS 27-21

COLTS @ BENGALS (-7): Not much faith in Curtis Painter I guess, huh? Kind of feels like Peyton Manning should be the MVP for not playing. I mean, look at how valuable he was to the Colts! Well Curtis Painter is no Peyton Manning and Andy Dalton is no Akili Smith! The Bengals are not gawd awful and I don't think the Colts are as gawd awful as most people think. Hope that clears things up. BENGALS 24-21

BILLS @ GIANTS (-3): Ah, a rematch of an umentionable game to Buffaloians. Buffaloans? Buffaloers? Ah well, that game is far in the past (yet never forgotten). Giants lost gloriously last week, when their bold strategy to not cover a Seahawks receiver backfired late in the game. Meanwhile the Bills got right back on track with a win against Philly and are looking solid. BILLS 23-17

TEXANS @ RAVENS (-7.5): The Texans fell short against the Raiders last week and lost Mario Williams....not good times in Houston. The Ravens are for reals, me thinks and they will beat up on dem reelin' Texans. RAVENS 24-14

BROWNS @ RAIDERS (-6.5): Well my 0-5 fantasy team is riding on McCoy and Hillis this week to get us in the "W" column. McCoy and Hillis sounds like it would be a cool cowboy show. Or perhaps a buddy cop show set in Texas or Wyoming. RAIDERS 28-24

COWBOYS @ PATRIOTS (-7): Patriots added a consistent running game against the Jets last week and if they keep that up it could be Bad News Bears, Walter Matthau for the rest of the league. The Cowboys have been very, well, Cowboyesque, being wildly inconsistent that is. It will be no picnic for the Romosexual and the Boys on Sunday that's for darned sure. PATRIOTS 31-22

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS (+4.5): The Buccaneers have come down to earth, as it were, the last couple of weeks. Of course if you weren't buying into the talking heads' Hypemaster 5000 , and were buying into the Talkng Heads' More Songs About Buildings and Food, you'd know the Bucs were on the earth the entire time and the Talking Heads are awesome. SAINTS 35-17

Ugh, as for the Sunday and Monday night games, I really think they are both horrible games althought they could end up being close, who knows? But that's about all I have to say about that.

VIKINGS @ BEARS (-3): BEARS 24-10

DOLPHINS @ JETS (-7) : JETS 14-10

WEEK FIVE: ROCK'EM SOCK'EM KITNA

2011-10-06T05:09:00.000-07:00

Less games, less "Bitterness". Or at least that will be my excuse for a slightly abbreviated post this week. The real excuse is, like so many of you, I will be waiting in line for tickets to repeated showings of Real Steel, aka Rock'em Sock'em Robots: The Movie. Don't try and deny it, I know some of you are reading this on your smart phones while you wait in line to be one of the first on your block to see it, right now! So with this epic surefire Oscar winner out in theaters, I'm gonna go all board game on your respective behinds this week! Milton Bradley and the Parker Brothers will be proud! Like wth many other weeks, I flipped a coin to decide almost every game.

CHIEFS @ COLTS (-2.5): UNO! That is the number of wins these teams have. Combined. The Colts have shown some moxie, but are in desperate need of one of them "reverse" cards to change their luck. CHIEFS 23-19

CARDINALS @ VIKINGS (-2.5): The Vikings are all hungry, hungry hippos for that first win and just like last week, I think this is the week! VIKINGS 28-21

EAGLES @ BILLS (+2.5): Bills took their first loss last week, so they ain't in Candyland anymore! Yeah, I have no idea what that means. BILLS 23-18

RAIDERS @ TEXANS (-6): You may want to Skip-"bo" watching this one, but it could be an interesting battle as the Raiders look like they may be feisty most of the season. TEXANS 34-27

SAINTS @ PANTHERS (+6.5): Feels like this could be a classic "mouse" trap game. Panthers have been close and Cam Newton has been ridonkulous for the most part. This could be similar to the battle against the Texans, somehow. SAINTS 38-35

BENGALS @ JAGUARS (-2.5): The Bengals have been up and down like a mad game of Chutes and Ladders. Two rookie QBs lock horns in this one and it seems like anyone's game. I'm going with the Bengals and their momentum. BENGALS 24-20

TITANS @ STEELERS (-3): Your rock'em sock'em slugfest of the week! CJ broke 100 yards last week, but just when he gets goin, he faces the Steelers D who have given up like two 100-yd rushing games to a back in their last 852 games. I am looking into confirming that number, but it sure looks like Turn and Coughlin is headed to 0-5. Sigh. TITANS 17-11

SEAHAWKS @ GIANTS (-9.5): Yahtzee! This is this week's "game I could not care less about!" GIANTS 27-20

BUCCANEERS @ 49ERS (-3): Buccaneers, do not pass "GO", do not collect your fourth win, the 49ers will have a monopoly on the good plays in this one. NINERS 21-14

JETS @ PATRIOTS (-9): Belichik and Rex Ryan will engage in Stratego like battle once again. This could go either way and I am not seeing where this spread came from. While the Pats still have last year's playoff game in the back of their minds their defense has played quite awfully thus far. PATRIOTS 31-28

CHARGERS @ BRONCOS (+4): SORRR-y, Broncos, you just aren't good enough. Is this the week we see Tim Tebow actually factor in? Do I really care? CHARGERS 35-21

PACKERS @ FALCONS (+6): A rematch of last year's playoff game when Aaron Rodgers carved the Falcons up like an Operation champ! Shouldn't be much different this time around! PACKERS 33-23

BEARS @ LIONS (-5.5): Not much of a clue on this one. Will it be Professor Forte with his running in the Lions secondary or Colonel Stafford with his Megatron in the end zone? Coinflip says.... LIONS 31-27

And now your cheese! Well, Pa- CHEESE.......i:

WEEK FOUR: ANY WHICH WAY BUT KITNA

2011-09-29T04:33:00.000-07:00

In week three:

The Bills snapped their losing streak against the Patriots, and took over sole posssesion of 1st in the AFC East because...the Jets were beaten by the upstart Raiders who did not need to come from 20 points down to win like....the Lions, who are 3-0 for the first time in quite some time, after becoming the third team in a row to come back from a double digit deficit against.....the Vikings, who couldn't hold a lead if they had a hot date with a....I lost my train of thought. Umm, OH, the Packers win, but were deaked out of their tight pants by the Bears on a late punt return which was almost a touchdown, but not for a big holding penalty, and it was just slightly more exciting than....the monsoon that enveloped the Jags-Panthers game for about a quarter or so which would have been a great excuse for...the 1st 13-8 final in NFL history, but sadly the Bengals-Niners battle of futility was played in the bright sunshine not under the lights like....the Monday nighter that saw the second 9-9 halftime score ever in NFL history as the Cowboys won with out scoring a touchdown. Well, quite a week for sure and I gotta believe week four will be just as compelling as the Lions and Bills go for 4-0? Still doesn't sound quite right but I like it!

DETROIT @ DALLAS (-1): Is Tony Romo tough, stupid, or both? Well, say what you will (lord knows I will throughout the season) but I'd take Romo over Brady any day....in the octagon. Well, maybe not a day with cracked ribs. Maybe. While I'm not, and may never be, sold on Romo's playing ability, the Cowboys defense may be turning a corner and right now that could certainly keep them in the NFC East race. I mean how does a team win, without scoring a touchdown and fumbling six, count 'em, six times? Defense probably has something to do with that, right? Although I wouldn't exactly call the 'Skins an offensive juggrenaut even with Sexy Rexy at the helm (sorry long time "Bitterness" reader Rex Grossman's mom).

On the other side of the field will be the Lions who are 3-0 for the first time since, well, I dunno, but it's been decades, plural, since it happened. Not even the Scott Mitchell or Erik Kramer Lions started a season 3-0. They also never did it once with Barry Sanders in the backfield. Another fun note, is the last Lions QB to lead them back from a 20 point deficit is Bobby Layne.

Now, I don't know how good the Lions really are yet, but I am inclined to beleive they are somewhat legit. And I think you all know I don't toss around that "somewhat legit" label around freely! LIONS 27-21

NEW ORLEANS @ JACKSONVILLE (+7): No one is gonna confuse this year's Saints defense with the Steel Curtain defense of the Steelers or the '85 Bears defense that's for darned sure. I guess, to be fair, they were torched by a couple of pretty good QBs. Sunday they get a QB with exactly one NFL start under his belt. Barring another gorilla monsoon like in last week's Jags' game, I'd say the Saints should not have too much trouble in this one. SAINTS 31-18

SAN FRANCISCO @ PHILADELPHIA (-8.5): Michael Vick has practiced and says he's 100% sure he'll play against the Niners on Sunday. Well that's good enough for me, Dr. Vick! Even if he does play, there's no guarantee he'll be 100% and right now he's having trouble taking snaps under center, which is sort of a pretty big part of his duties on Sunday. If the Eagles have to have Kafka be king of "The Castle" (obscure literary reference of the week) again, it may spell trouble for Philly. EAGLES 21-17

WASHINGTON @ ST. LOUIS (+1.5): This weeks's winner of "the game I could not care less about" award. The Rams have shown little improvement week to week and, in fact, seemed to take a giant leap backwards last week. Which means this is a no-brainer to pick the Skins, which is what I will do, which is why the Rammers have an excellent shot at getting their first "W" of the season. REDKSINS 27-21

TENNESSEE @ CLEVELAND (-1): All the talk since Manning was not going to start for Indy, has been about the AFC South is the Texans division to lose. But hold the phone! How did people dismiss the Titans from the get go? I mean they've played decent enough and at some point you gotta think CJ will start making an impact, right? Please say yes, cause Turn and Coughlin is 0-3 and could really use some production from our first round pick already! Okay, sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, don't sleep on the Titans, or hay, it's downright itchy. TITANS 31-21

BUFFALO @ CINCINNATI (+3): Buffalo is flying high this week. While I can't say I was sure the Williams would win last week, I knew they'd cover. "So, is it safe to now say the Bills are for real this year?" you may be asking. They have their shortcomings for sure, but right now they have a very good shot at 4-0 as long as they don't get too overconfident after their big win last week. BILLS 35-15

MINNESOTA @ KANSAS CITY (-1.5): The Vikings have blown double digit leads in all three of their games this season. The last, a 20 point lead against the division rival Lions. Now it seems like it's hard to put all of this on the shoulders of my fellow Syracuse alum, Donovan McNabb, but I have seen very little of their games, so I can't really say. What I can say is most Vikings fans are no longer pondering, but calling for a QB change to, well, Ponder. I think the Vikes hold on this week against the Charlesless Chieves. VIKINGS 23-14

CAROLINA @ CHICAGO (-6.5): The Bears probably had the play of the day Sunday with that punt return that faked everyone out, including the cameraman! Everyone watching at home was wondering what was happening as we did not even see Johnny Knox catch that punt. Too bad a holding penalty negated that effort. Meanwhile Cam Newton was stumbling a bit, partly in a monsoon, against the Jags and now he gets da Bears, could be another long afternoon for the rookie. BEARS 27-15

PITTSBURGH @ HOUSTON (-4): The Steelers may very well make the playoffs this year, but right now they're not looking a team that should. Their offensive line is a civ and, well, most of their team is kinda old. The Texans on the other hand are the fancy schmancy pick to win the AFC South. Well, they had their chance to impress me last week, and while they did put up a valiant effort and have been without Arian Foster for the most part, I'm still not buyin' what their sellin'. That being said, I think they win this one. TEXANS 22-14

ATLANTA @ SEATTLE (+4.5): I don't know much about the Seahawks, and I don't care to. I'm still holding on to the idea the Falcons are gonna be good, but it's getting harder and harder (that's what she said?) by the week. FALCONS 45-17

NEW YORK GIANTS @ ARIZONA (+1.5): Yeah, there was quite a contest for "the game I coul not care less about". Frankly beating the Eagles last week didn't impress me as much as it impressed most. I guess it depends on how good the Eagles defense really is. I'll tell ya this much, if Victor Cruz keeps doing his best Phil McConkey impersonation

for the G-men, everything else is cream cheese! GIANTS 21-14

MIAMI @ SAN DIEGO (-7): Am I the only one who still sees the name Tony Sparano and thinks Tony Soprano? I'm surprised I haven't seen shirts with "the Sparanos" on them, knocking off the Sopranos logo. Although, I guess Miami fans aren't all that bright (Miami fans send your hate mail to jayfiedler@imanidiot.net ) and maybe don't know the Sopranos were fictional and are trying to avoid the wrath of Tony. Or maybe it's because it depitcs a firearm?

I'd assume they'd just put Snowflake there in it's place, right?

Anyways, the Chargers always start slow, so the fact they are 2-1 has to be a good sign for Norv and company. Plus the Dolphins don't appear to be very good, so a 3-1 record seems to be in the cards for the Bolts. CHARGERS 24-10

DENVER @ GREEN BAY (-12.5): The Packers are legit, but I feel like they may play down to their opponents, and that 12.5 spread is a bit daunting. Basically, I try to not pick teams to cover double digit spreads and this is no different, even though they could very well cover. Got that? PACKERS 28-17

NEW ENGLAND @ OAKLAND (+4): The Belichik Patriots rarely lose two in a row it seems, so the Raiders may very well just be Tom Brady's whipping boys this Sunday, regardless of the fact they may be good this year and this game is in the black hole amongst all them passionate (read: psychotic) Raiders fans. PATRIOTS 38-24

NEW YORK JETS @ BALTIMORE (-3.5): This'll be a defensive battle, one would reckon. I'm inclined to believe the Ravens we saw in weeks one and three were the real Ravens. Or, maybe they'll only play good in odd numbered weeks, who the heck knows? RAVENS 23-17

INDIANAPOLIS @ TAMPA BAY (-10): Okay, this was very much in the running for "the game this week I could not care less about" but I am kind of curious to see what the Bucs do and c'mon ya gotta care about primetime games featuring Curtis Painter, right? I mean look at that punim:

Am I right folks? Well, his family might wanna watch. I said, "might". BUCCANEERS 16-10

So, there ya have it, another week of picks in the books, enjoy the games and your cheese:

WEEK THREE: KITNABALL?

2011-09-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well, here we are headed into week three and of course the Bills, Lions and Redskins are 2-0! 2010 division winners Colts, Chiefs and Seahawks are 0-2. I know what you're thinking how could the Chiefs and Seahawks both have won the division last year, they're both in the AFC West?! Well, turns out they moved the 'Hawks to the NFC quite some time ago. Also, it is really irrelevant to me that the Chiefs and Seahawks are both defending division champs, since the Chiefs did it with smoke and mirrors and the Seahawks won the NFC West, but the division winner thing is what everyone is gonna to point to, trying to drum up some semblance of story or parity. Winning the NFC West last year was akin to being the skinniest kid in fat camp. And while we're sort of mentioning the Chiefs, how bad are they? I mean Todd Haley is a horrible head coach and they are off to an all out atrocious start. But not to worry KC fans, at least your best offensive weapon, Jamaal Charles is out for the season, which is gonna severely reduce the odds of "Charles in Charge" headlines in the Kansas City periodicals. Hey maybe Scott Baio could play some QB or wideout? I'm sure Willie Aames is a terrific scatback, they could throw some pads on him and toss him in there.

Well, enough (Eight is Enough?) of that. after a solid 8-8 week two, it's on to the week three picks!

49ERS @ BENGALS (-2.5): Last week the Niners battled the Cowboys in a battle of former playoff rivals and this week it's a rematch of Super Bowl XXIII ! Now obviously it's not the first rematch since then and the Bengals have not really even been close to getting back to the big game, while the Niners have won a pair of Super Bowl rings since that game. Neither team has been to the Super Bowl since 1995 and the Bengals have not won a playoff game since 1990 when they beat the Houston Oilers, who no longer exist. How is any of this relevant to this matchup, you may ask? Well I can't say it it, just thought I'd crack an egg of knowledge over your head and make Bengals fans feel bad. Hey, Tim Krumrie's not walking through that door, Queen City! I don't really have a great read on either of these teams. Both are 1-1, both have beaten what I would consider mediocre at best football teams (Seahawks? Really?) and both teams have QBs who have not proven themselves on the NFL stage. Bengals are at home, so that may be where I should lean, however I keep holding out that Niners are at least very decent. NINERS 21-17

PATRIOTS @ BILLS (+9): Mark this as the first test for the upstart 2011 Buffalo Bills. You gotta love their moxie that's for darned sure, but I think the spread says about all you need to know about what most people think of the 2-0 start. I'd be very surprised if Orchard Park ain't rockin like an LA Guns concert for this one. The concern for the Bills, has to be that the Raiders put up a bunch of points on them and the Raiders were without their top three wideouts. Jason Campbell is not Tom Brady. There's also the fact the Pats have one like 87 of the last 88 meetings against the Williams, or something like that. But hey, if the energy from everyone rooting on the Bills (which is everyone outside of Patriot Planet) is actual power the Bills are sittin in butter! PATRIOTS 28-20

TEXANS @ SAINTS (-4): This matchup intrigues me. Everyone is high on the Texans to win the AFC South and it's tough to argue, with Peyton Manning gone, but there's just that little voice in the back of my head saying, "Texans will never make the leap to the next level!" Well if you wanna prove you're ready to make that leap, Houston, here's your chance. Legitimately the Saints could be 2-0, but Sean Payton's hubris may have prevented that from happening. Judging by how the Saints manhandled the Bears in week two, it could be a long afternoon for the Schaub. SAINTS 38-21

GIANTS @ EAGLES (-6): The Eagles offense could really undergo quite a "metamorphasis" this week if Kafka is at QB. Yeah, I went there! And others may have used this, but I had to have been one of the first as I tweeted this on Sunday night when he entered the game (its @WillieMoe if you wanna check and also don't wanna miss out on my Sunday football tweets that get less and less relevant with each passing beer)! Anyway, Andy reid says he has full confidence in Kafka if he has to run the offense. In fact he said he should have let him loose a little more on Sunday night. And Andy Reid continues to be one of the worstest in-game managers. On the other side of the ball you have the G-Men who must have been watching the Emmy's on Sunday, to inspire that great acting on Monday night! Well, I think they were already merely acting as contenders anyway. All signs point to the Iggles winning this one! ALL SIGNS! EAGLES 27-21

DOLPHINS @ BROWNS: (-2.5): The Phins are 0-2 and I think only Tony Sparano is the only one surprised by this. This could very well be the week they break into the win column, since the Brownies have not been overly impressive. May have to break out my Browns Jon Jurcovic jersey though and if that happens, well, all bets are off. BROWNS 23-17

BRONCOS @ TITANS (-7): I think we're more likely to see the Titans we saw in week two than the Titans we saw in week one. And hey Chris Johnson, my fantasy team is dying a slow death, so if you wanna go ahead and , I dunno, actually earn that big contract you held out for anytime soon, it would be greatly appreciated! TITANS 24-14

LIONS @ VIKINGS (+3.5): Well everyone's sleeper pick (which I guess doesn't really make them a sleeper pick anymore, does it?), the Lions, has started 2-0. Now sure you can't really say they've been tested (who have they played, Bill?), but at the same time, can you honestly say the Vikings are a test, the way they've played? Hardly. While Leslie Frazier still has confidence in Donovan McNabb, I feel Minnesota fans may not share this view, if they even still do, after week three. LIONS 31-21

JAGUARS @ PANTHERS (-3.5): These two squads are cosmically linked, having come into the league at the same time. They also both went to, and lost, their first respective conference Championship games for the first time, in the same year. Well Sunday they both start rookie QBs, as the similarities continue, and yet stop here. Figgy Newton has been throwing up ridiculous numbers thus far, while Blaine Gabbert is making his first NFL start. I don't know much about Gabbert, except the general consensus is he could not possible be worse than Luke McCown, which is a ringing endorsement if ever I heard one. And I have. Heard a ringing endorsement. Sorry 'bout that. The only way for the Jags to win is to hope MJD runs wild and they can keep Cam Newton off the field as much as possible. May be too tall of a task. PANTHERS 28-17

CHIEFS @ CHARGERS (-14.5): The spread would only seems large if the Chieves hadn't been beaten twice by 30 or more points. Plus, as mentioned earlier, Jamaal Charles is out for the season. I almost never pick someone to cover this kind of spread in the NFL, but I'm gonna go with the masses. CHARGERS 80-10

JETS @ RAIDERS (+3.5): And the tests just keep on comin' for the Jets. The Raiders are a mystery to me, but the Jets, I am still assuming, are pretty good. At least good enough to shut down Jason Campbell and whomever he has at receiver on Sunday. JETS 27-14

RAVENS @ RAMS (+3.5): Not quite sure what happen to Baltimore in week two, but I would wager a guess it is not likely to happen again this season. At least not in St. Louis in week three. RAVENS 31-13

FALCONS @ BUCCANEERS (-1.5): Matty Ice and company should have some good swagger coming into week three after a big primetime win against Philly last week. On the other side is Josh Freeman and the Buccaneers. I am unsure if either is somewhat good or not. I like Josh Freeman, but I think the Falcons pull this one out. I'm actually kind of surprised the Bucs are favored here. FALCONS 16-10

CARDINALS @ SEAHAWKS (+3.5): Winner of "the game I probably care least about" this week. Congratulations guys! CARDINALS 24-12

PACKERS @ BEARS (+3.5): Maybe the game of the week if, unlike me, you believe in Jay Cutler. But regardless of my feelings towards Cutler and the Bears, the skirmishes between these two teams do seem to end up being pretty close. Now I'm not saying I believe in the Bears here, but something tells me they pull off the "upset" on Sunday night. Possibly in overtime? BEARS 27-24

STEELERS @ COLTS (+10.5): I'm sure ESPN and NBC were just super happy when they found out Peyton Manning may be done for the season, since America can't get enough of Kerry Collins. NOT! ("NOT" joke's for you Hoff!) . Maybe by some sort of sheer luck the Colts stay close in this one, but really does anyone think that? If it happens it will certainly be some sort of prime time, Monday Night Football, Buffalo Wild Wings puling the strings, magical thing. STEELERS 25-11

So, there ya have it! My insightful thoughts on week three in the NFL! And now your cheese:

WEEK TWO: THE KITNA'S SPEECH

2011-09-14T08:08:00.001-07:00

Welcome back for week two in the NFL. Week one was full of ups, downs and whathaveyous, for darned sure! To recap, I called the Chiefs not covering, but not them getting blown out by the Williams, told you there'd be plenty of time for Romo bashing and the QB gave us plenty of fresh material, announcers want the Falcons and Steelers to remain calm (as if they were gonna give up after one week), Figgy Newton had a ridonkulous debut, Tom Brady threw for roughly a tenth of mile on Monday night, the Broncos played the Raiders (or so I am told), CBS and FOX refused to cut from blowouts to switch to relevant games, the Monsters of the Midway were good, the Manningless Colts were not, the Steelers got thrown around like rag dolls in Baltimore and oh yeah, ESPN added an extra (more like extraneous, am I right) hour of blowhards for NFL pregame! Now on to week two!

BEARS @SAINTS (-6.5): Well I said the Bears had a good chance of an upset last week against the Dirty Birds, but I am not sure anyone quite saw the thumping they doled out on Matty Ice and company. Offensively the Saints came out firing and were pretty good, but the Packers defense may have also still had some rust on it in week one, which the Bears D certainly did not. As you may or may not know, I have never been sold on Jay Cutler, but the Bears D is most likely for real and that could spell trouble for N'awlins. BEARS 24-21

CHIEFS @ LIONS: (-8.5): I didn't quite call the Bills win, but I did know they would be at least close and the Chiefs were highly overrated. I would hazard a guess that the Lions offense is slightly better than that of the Bills, but time is gonna tell on that one. I don't trust the Chiefs as far as I can thrown them (and with my bad back I shouldn't be throwing anything), so look for the Chiefs to get a big dose of Megatron! LIONS 28-17

JAGUARS @ JETS (-9.5): The Jets were more or less handed a win on a silver platter in week one, so I am not too impressed with them, but the Jaguars have Luke McCown at QB. JETS 19-3

RAIDERS @ BILLS (-3.5): Circle the wagons, folks! The Williams really took it to the Chefs in week one, which surprised a good portion of people. And let's face it, it's darn hard to root against those Williams in those strikingly awesome uniforms. Although I will concur with my buddy Jables and say blue pants would have been better, but they were still pretty darned outstanding! Having watched very little of the Raiders game, being passed out half way through the first quarter, I really only know they won in a close one. I like Fitzy and Stevie Johnson to hook up on a big second half touchdown to secure the victory....BILLS 24-16

CARDINALS @ REDSKINS (-4): Are the Redskins for real or the Giants just really banged up and or not that good? While I think the Giants are overrated and the Redskins are more pretenders than contenders, the Cardinals gave up over 400 passing yards....to a rookie....in his first NFL game ever. Sure, maybe Cam Newton is great (I'm still not sold), but over 4oo yards throwing? Enter Sexy Rexy......'SKINS 27-20

RAVENS @ TITANS (+6): Well, I thought the Titans would easily dominate the Jags in week one and they did not, but it urns out the spread was dead on. If it were a handful of other teams the Titans were facing in week two, I'd see them bouncing back in a big way, but even with more CJ this week, the Ravens are, well, ravenous and seem to be on a mission! RAVENS 28-17

SEAHAWKS @ STEELERS (-14.5): Can't say I envy the Seahawks in this one. Heading into the the Ketchup Packet for the Steelers home opener a week after they got absolutely manhandled by the hated Ravens? This could get ugly. If the Steelers don't win this one, and in solid fashion, the Steel city will have their collective hands hovering over the proverbial panic button. STEELERS 28-10

PACKERS @ PANTHERS (+9.5): Cam "Fig" Newton's week one performance does move the Panthers a level or two above the dung heap I originally had them in, but I have a hunch with a look at week one film and some extra rest, the Packers defense will be looking to prove themselves in this one. PACKERS 35-14

BUCCANEERS @ VIKINGS (-3): Sure the Vikings lost their opener, but they held their own and clearly did not warrant the eight and half point underdog status, I didn't think. The Bucs on the other hand got a big dose of Megatron and with know Optimus, or Maximus, Prime in the secondary that was all out trouble! I'm pulling for the Bucs this season, sort of, but they are a bit unimpressive, in my eyes.....VIKINGS 25-12

BROWNS @ COLTS (+2.5): Breakout the Colt 45s, it's Colt vs. Colts in the Billy Dee Williams Bowl! Sure the Colts were without Peyton Manning on Sunday for the first time in quite some time, but the thing is, Peyton doesn't play defense! Now sure, with Peyton they keep that Texans offense off the field a little more, but still. Peyton's absence is a bit psychological as well, me thinks, and the Colts need to move on and get going. I still don't have a great read on the Brownies this year, so I am picking the Colts in what will be considered a mild upset. COLTS 24-20

COWBOYS @ 49ERS (+3): This matchup used to be a classic heated rivalry of NFC powerhouses that I wouldn't watch and now it's just a less meaningful game that I won't watch. I kid, but not really. I feel like the Cowboys and the Romosexual will right the ship (delaying Kitna's 2011 debut another week) so to speak and emerge victorious! COWBOYS 23-17

TEXANS @ DOLPHINS (+3): Well, let's see the Phins gave up a crap ton of passing yards on Monday night, and while Matt "Stump the" Schaub is no Tom Brady, he has been known to do some slingin' himself! Also, this week's random fact: Miami's City Manager's name is Tony Crapp, Jr. I'm not even kidding, see for yourself- ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miami ). I'm guessing he's the mayor's number two? TEXANS 31-20

CHARGERS @ PATRIOTS (-7): This one is a head scratcher of a pick for me. The Chargers did not bowl me over with a ton of confidence in week one, but they're certainly very decent. I'm going out on a limb and saying Brady with his "lubed up (translated: hydrated)" fans cheering him on will not, I repeat, NOT, eclipse 500 yards passing in week two. I also feel like the Bolts will hang around in this one for awhile, but in the end will falter. PATRIOTS 31-21

BENGALS @ BRONCOS (-4.5): This one depends completely on if it's Andy Dalton or B-Grad helming the Bengals offense. Actually, it really doesn't. Broncos 22-16

EAGLES @ FALCONS (+2.5): This one is for the birds! HAHAHAHAH! Birds! Get it?! Both teams have bird names! Pretty sure I'm the first to use that! Alright, enough of that nonsense. Both these teams need to get some better games from their O-lines, and as such this could be the difference in Vick Bowl. So this is more or less a toss up in my book, so I'm going with the hometown team. FALCONS 28-24

RAMS @ GIANTS (-5): When the MNF schedule was revealed for the season, I thought this was an awful choice, because the G-Men were far better than the Rams. Now, I think this is a bad choice because both teams are kind of disppointing, but it could be a close, not good, but close, game. The Rams lost like, every, skill postion player last week, so look for Cleveland Gary to get a bulk of the carries, and Flipper Anderson to be Jim "don't call me Chris" Everett's top target. GIANTS 16-6

That wraps up week two's picks, hope you enjoyed! If you didn't well, too bad. If you have a question for the Bitterness Mailbag, please submit it in the comments section and we'll be sure to read it, probably. And now, of course, your cheese

WEEK ONE: WATCH YOUR BACK ROMO!

2011-09-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for some football? How about some new "Bitterness" posts?! That's right ladies and gentlemen (and knowing my readership, I use the term gentlemen lightly) football season is upon us and "Bitterness" is back, baby! After not making picks for most of last season, we're back with a vengeance, a VENGEANCE I tell ya! The season preview post may come out this weekend, but don't hold your breath. Unless you are Jets HC Rex Ryan, then by all means, please, hold your breath! But, for a quick rundown here are my quick picks for the season:

Division Winners:

Patriots, Steelers, Titans, Chargers, Eagles, Falcons, Packers, and who even cares/ 49ers

Wild Cards, Bitches!:

Ravens, Jets, Saints, Cowboys

AFC Champs: Patriots
NFC Champs: Falcons

Super Bowl Champs: Patriots

MVP: Aaron Rodgers

Offensive Players of the Year

NFC- Rodgers

AFC- Brady (I have no idea why not)

Defensive Players of the Year

NFC- Lawrence Taylor

AFC- Joe Klecko

And that's all I've got right now, I know I jumped out on some limbs here, but whatever, I'm rarely right, so you stick that in your pipe and smoke it, or something.

Alas, without furthe adieu, here are the week one picks, enjoy!

NEW ORLEANS @ GREEN BAY (-4): An epic opening night clash of titans (not to be confused with the Titans)! This battle between the last two NFC, and more importantly Super Bowl Champs, should be a real humdinger, to say the least. Aaron Rodgers was sort of decent last year and while I don't think they will repeat as either the NFC or Super Bowl Champs, A-Rodg and the Cheeseheads will still be a force to be reckoned with, I, um, reckon. But let's be honest folks, I think the big question on everyone's mind is will I wear my Saints Aaron Brooks jersey or my Russ Verba Packers jersey for the game? That's gonna be a game time decision, I think. PACKERS 27-21

COLTS @ TEXANS (-9): Well it's official, Peyton Manning will not start this game and that's all you need to know. I know this is all you need to know, because this is about all I have heard about this game. The most interesting thing, to me, about Peyton missing a game, is the just utter awfulness of some of the backup QBs in the league. I mean, the Colts had to sign one because they had no faith in any of the backups on their roster! And not just anyone, Kerry "Frickin" Collins of all people (See ecstatic Kerry below after getting "the call". Confidence inspring to say the least)! Just off the top of your head, right now, how many backup QBs do you think are competent enough to sucessfully run an offense? Six? Seven? Granted, they are backups and should never have to set foot on the field during a game, unless their team is up by 30 points, down by 30 points or if that team's jokester punter tosses their clipboard on the field, but still, C'MON! Wait, what was I talking about? Colts-Texans? Um, TEXANS 31-24 (that's 8 Colt FGs BTW!)

PITTSBURGH @ BALTIMORE (-2.5): This has all the makings of a slobberknocker, I think. This is pretty much a coin flip game, I'd say, with the Ravens only being favored cause they are at home. This is just one of those things. The Steelers just find ways to win against the Ravens. Well, unless the Ravens borrow those outlandish helmets the Terrapins donned this past weekend, I think the Steelers pull it out (that's what she said!). STEELERS 17-13

DETROIT @ TAMPA BAY (-1.5): Like many of the games this opening weekend, this one is kind of a tough call for me, mostly because I know relatively little about what these two squads did in the off- or preseason. I'm goin with the Buccaneers, for no other reason than they had a better record last year. At least I think they did, which is pretty much good enough, right? BUCS 21-17.

ATLANTA (-3) @ CHICAGO: I don't think Da Bears are that good, but what the heck do I know, really? That's a rhetorical questions sports fans, so button it! While I really feel the Falcons could very well win the NFC, I have a hunch this will be a rough game where the Bears out play them and get a gutsy win. This will, in turn, cause the Bears bandwagon to gain early, yet pretty much unwarranted, momentum. BEARS 23-21

BUFFALO @ KANSAS CITY (-6): Kansas City could be really good or extraordinarily mediocre. The Bills, are, well, the Bills. At some point, something's gotta gove, right? Right?! I mean they got a Hahavahd QB, how could that possibly go awry? Fitzy does have a cannon, this is for sure, but cannons don't win championships, they win wars...in the 19th century. Anyway, I think most people are just wondering how much the Chefs will win by and I'm here to tell ya it won't be a lot. CHIEFS 13-10

PHILADELPHIA (-5) @ ST.LOUIS: The Eagles are expected to have an explosive offense this year and I would tend to agree with those expectations. The only people out there who think the Rams will win this game are the Rams, their families and Cleveland Gary and even some of them are unsure. They could, COULD, cover the spread, but I just don't see it happening. Iggles 38-21

CINCINNATI @ CLEVELAND (-6.5): At one point, one of these teams will live up to the preseason hype bestowed upon them. Good news is, this year neither team has any sort of hype, so there's really only one way to go (I'll give you a hint, it ain't down) for both squads. One of these teams will most likely be undefeated after this game, sittin' tied atop the AFC North with the Steelers- Ravens victor, so they got that goin' for 'em, which is nice. The Bengals have Andy Dalton at QB. Andy Dalton? Really?! This is the kid on whom's shoulder you have hung your offense, Cincy? Yikes. To be fair, I know very little about Andy Dalton, other than he has a very unitimdating name (sounds like he may try and sell ya real estate) and did not look good in the only preseason footage I saw of him. Even as I write this, with my lack of research, I am not 100% sure Andy is even his actual first name. Browns 17-10

TENNESSEE @ JACKSONVILLE (-2): Okay, so I am not exactly sure why the Jaguars are favored in this game, but again, with my lack of research I may very well find out, come Sunday. Now I am not sure how the eschewing of the Garrard plays into this spread, but with Luke McCown at the helm, well, they might as well have Cade McNown starting, am I right people? Plus the spreads guys realize Chris Johnson will play a little, right? Sure he missed a bunch of preseason whathaveyous, but I think and hope (he's my RB1 in my Fantasy Football League) he fares okay. TITANS 27-17

NEW YORK GIANTS (-3) @ WASHINGTON: I can't say I have a ton of faith in the Redskins, who would pobably be six, or seven, point dogs if this were in the Meadowlands (yeah, can't remember the name of their new stadium) or anywhere else on Earth (probably the solar system, if you wanna go down that path of literal shenanigans). GIANTS 31-13

CAROLINA @ ARIZONA (-7): Not sure about Kevin Kolb running the offense or Beanie Wells as the featured back, but Carolina is, well, just not good, I don't think. CARDINALS 24-16

SEATTLE @ SAN FRANCISCO (-5.5): Remember that time the Seahawks made the playoffs with a losing record? I'm sure the Giants, who went 10-6 but did not make the playoffs, sure do! Remember when the 49ers were a preseason favorite to win the NFC West? Yeah, 2010 was a weird and awful year out in the NFC West. It's definitely conceivable that no one in the division finishes over .500 for the second year in row. Has that ever happened in the 8 division format? In the six division format? Well, here's to another season of futility in the NFC West! NINERS 16-9

MINNESOTA @ SAN DIEGO (-8.5): Are the Vikings supposed to be really bad or are the Chargers supposed to be really good? Cuz I gotta tell ya, I didn't think either until I saw this spread. I mean, the Bolts should be good, but have the Vikings really dropped off that much? They still have Adrian Petersen, right? This may one of those games where I think the spread is outrageous and then once the game concludes I'll be thinking, "OHHHHHH, that's why!" But for now I'm not sold on a Bolts blowout. CHARGERS 28-27

DALLAS @ JETS (-4.5): Kinda wishing neither team wins this one. Rex Ryan has been somewhat quiet, which is interesting, to say the very least. TheCowboys have just seemed to continuously underachieve year after year (which I am all for) and I don't see why this year is any different. Now, say what you will about Tony Romo, the guy did put up decent numbers when healthy. Don't get me wrong I am no fan of TR, but he has been solid for the most part. Now that, that's out of the way I can go back to making fun of him every other week of the season. JETS 31-21

NEW ENGLAND (-7) @ MIAMI: There's just something about this that screams upset. I mean on paper, there's really no way Miami should be in this game at all, but I just have a hunch the Pats will come out flat. Let's face it, they don't always play superbly opening on Monday night. Remember that Buffalo debacle? Leodis McKelvin might. PATRIOTS 27-21

OAKLAND @ DENVER (-3): Remember that Bronco bandwagon everyone jumped on last year? I forget, in what round of the playoffs did they get beat? Uh huh. Anyway, it's another Monday night doubleheader to open the season , which means another west coast game. Has Oakland played in all but one of these since they added the second game? I feel like they're always on the MNF opener for reasons I cannot explain. Well, actually, I'm guessing the reason they don't put, say, a Vikings-Chargers game on is because they know at least half the country's not watching the whole game anyway. I never do, that's for sure! But if it was a marquee game, would I stay up? It's a whole chicken and the egg thing I guess. BRONCOS 42-38

Well, there you have it, your "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Week One Picks", hope you enjoyed and if you didn't, well, I don't care.

And now, your cheese:

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: TO BE YOUNG

2011-02-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

On this day in 1944, Joe Nuxhall signed with the Cincinnati Reds and the age very young age of 15.

Now, even to this day it is not uncommon for high school kids to sign with an MLB squad, but at 15? That is still pretty much unheard of, even in this day an age! In fact when Joey Nux took the hill for 2/3 of in inning in June of that year he became, and still is, the youngest player ever to appear in a Major League Baseball game at the age of 15 years and 316 days! This appearance was due in large part to a player shortage during WWII and he would not be called upon again until 1952, but nevertheless still impressive! He wasn't even old enough to drive for pete sake! I mean what were you doing at that age? Obviously, it wasn't pitching to major league hitters in a real live major league game!

"I was pitching against seventh-, eighth-, and ninth- graders, kids 13 and 14 years old.....All of a sudden I look up and there's Stan Musial and the likes. It was a very scary situation."- Joe Nuxhall

Joe Nuxhall is also one of my favorite baseball names ever and that's a fact!

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: BABE, BUT NOT THE ONE YOU THINK

2011-02-17T07:25:00.000-08:00

Today's baseball fact of the day is about the Babe, but, as you may have gathered from the title of this post, not the one that is probably in your mind. You see it was on this day in 1937 that the Babe went from the Red Sox to the Yankees. Babe Dahlgren that is. Dahlren was purchased by the Yankees from the Red Sox, making him the second Babe to go from the Sox to the Yankees. But of course this is not what makes Dahlgren a bit of baseball trivia. No, no, no what makes him trivial, or whatever, is he the man who played in Lou Gehrig's spot in the lineup when the Iron Horse finally took a day off after playing 2130 consecutive games.

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY

2011-02-16T10:49:00.000-08:00

For today's fact of the day, since we are not that far removed from the Grammys and the Academy Awards are not far off, I thought today's fact should be about none other than former Angels owner, and entertainer extraordinaire, Gene Autry.

Autry is the only celebrity to have five stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and was also the first person to have a certified gold record. So, the fact of the day is Gene Autry is the only person with a certified gold record or star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame to have a number retired by a Major League Baseball team!

That is, of course, until Wilson Betemit shows off his all his talents!

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: VALENTINE'S DAY

2011-02-14T18:54:00.000-08:00

Bobby Valentine's most memorable game as a manager occurred on June 9, 1999. In the 12th inning of a 14 inning marathon with the Toronto Blue Jays, Mike Piazza was called for catcher's interference on Craig Grebeck. Valentine was ejected by home plate umpire Randy Marsh for arguing the call, and returned to the dugout an inning later in a disguise (a fake moustache). Unamused, Major League Baseball fined Valentine $5,000 and suspended him for three games. The Mets went on to win the game 4-3

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: A LITTLE BIT MOORE

2011-02-13T19:00:00.000-08:00

On February 13, 1954, Donnie Moore is born. Of course Moore is best known for his performance in Game 5 of the 1986 ALCS. The Angels were up three games to one in the best-of-seven series against the Red Sox. The Angels held a 5-2 lead going into the ninth inning, when Boston scored two runs on a home run by Don Baylor and cut the lead to 5-4.

The Angels brought in their closer, Moore, to shut down the rally. There were two outs and a runner on first and the Angels were one strike away from advancing to the World Series for the first time ever. But then all of a sudden Hendu (Dave Henderson) hit a 2-2 pitch off of Moore for a home run, giving the Red Sox a 6-5 lead.

What most don't remember is the Angels were able to score a run in the bottom of the ninth, pushing the game into extra innings. Moore stayed in the game and was able to stifle a 10^th inning Red Sox rally. The Sox, however were able to score off Moore in the 11th inning on a sac fly by Hendu and the Angels would end up losing the game 7-6.

The Angels were still up 3-2, but were trounced in games 6 and 7 in Boston. Much like Bill Buckner would become forever linked to, and unfairly blamed for, the Red Sox loss in the World Series that year, so was Moore linked to the Angels not winning the pennant.

For the next 2 years, every time Moore walked onto the field, the Angels fans booed him. They were relentless, and it wore on Moore.

Less then three years after Game 5, on July 18, 1989, during an argument with his wife Tonya, Moore shot her three times, the incident occurring in view of their three children. Tonya and their daughter Demetria, then 17 years of age, fled from the house and Demetria drove her mother to the hospital. Both survived the shooting.

Back inside the house, still in the presence of one of his sons, tragically, Moore then fatally shot himself.

"While it is easy to say that had Moore recorded the save, his life would have been much better and probably much longer, it is just as easy to say that the one pitch the Times describes was far from the only factor in his eventual death."- Steve Hostetter

While Game Five and the way the fans would go on to treat Moore certainly contributed somewhat to his eventual suicide, there were clearly other things going on as well. Still, makes you think about the emotional toll your boos can take on professional athletes.

Donnie Moore

February 13, 1954- July 18, 1989

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: MACK ATTACK

2011-02-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

On this day in 1930 Cornelius McGillicuddy, aka Connie Mack is awarded the prestigious Edward W. Bok Prize, that recognizes distinguished Philadelphians for their achievements in education, industry, law, politics, science, medicine, philosophy, and the creative arts. Good ol' Connie won the award after guiding the Philadelphia A's to a world championship, becoming the first (and looks like the last) Philadelphian sports figure to receive what is now known as the Philadelphia Award.

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: R.I.P. CHUCK TANNER

2011-02-11T18:52:00.000-08:00

Today's random baseball fact if the day will honor Chuck Tanner, who passed away today. Of course for a baseball fan, such as myself growing up in the 80s, Tanner is best known as the skipper of many a hapless Braves team. He managed some Braves greats from my childhood- Horner, Murphy, Hubbard, Garber, Assenmacher, Mahler, Oberkfell, Virgil, etcetera, etcetera. Of course rabid baseball fans may also know that he also helmed the 1979 World Champion "We Are Family" Pittsburgh Pirates. This was of course the last championship for the Buccos. BUT, our random Chuck Tanner fact is (drum roll).......

Before the 1977 season, the A's were in the process of trading off many of their stars of the great team that won three straight championships from 1972-74. They traded Chuck Tanner's services to the Pittsburgh Pirates for an aging Manny Sanguillen. This was only the second instance in Major League Baseball history that a manager was part of a baseball trade.

You were a wonderful man Chuck Tanner, rest in peace!

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: CUPID THE SPIDER

2011-02-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

On this day in 1891, four days before Valentine's Day, the Boston Reds trade Cupid Childs to the Cleveland Spiders.

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY: BANISHED BALLS

2011-02-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

On this day in 1920, Major League Baseball banished the shineball

the spitball

the disco ball

the pinball

the foil ball

the monster's ball

the moth ball

the grease ball

and all other doctored pitches.

PUMPSIE UP THE JAM

2011-02-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

On this day in 1956 the Red Sox purchased the contract of Elijah "Pumpsie" Green, making him the first black player for the Olde Towne Team

This signing meant every team in Major League Baseball was now integrated. The BoSox were, as many know, the last team to integrate their roster. After a fast start in Spring Training "Pumpsie" was sent down to the minors when his productivity began to decline.

The NAACP (if they are for the advancement of colored people, maybe they should change the name to include something more politically correct than "colored people") quickly charged the Sox with following an anti-Negro policy. The Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination (suggestions to change this to Massachusettsans Against Discrimination, so they could be M.A.D., was never taken seriously) agreed the Red Sox were following anti-Negro policy.

The current Red Sox ownership has tried to shed the "racist" label that has been affixed to the franchise for, well, the history of the team. They have admitted that past owners and front office muckety-mucks were highly racist and even honored "Pumpsie" at a Sox home game.

Despite these efforts there are still those who believe the Sox and Boston are both very racist. The most notable and recent person to sate this publicly was none other than Barry Bonds. Um, Barry, they didn't want you because you're an arrogant a-hole, not because of your skin color. What has to really hurt the older members of Red Sox Nation is the Sawx passed on both Jackie Robinson and Willie Mays. Ouch.

RANDOM BASEBALL FACT OF THE DAY

2011-02-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Well, now that the NFL season has ended, it's time to turn my attention to baseball! Well, at least until march Madness gets here. So, starting today I present to you the "Random Baseball Fact of the Day". Yes from here until this blogs ceases to exist, or until I get bored or lazy, there will be a "Random Baseball Fact of the Day!"

Today's "Random Baseball Fact of the Day is- On this day in 1949, Joltin' Joe Dimaggio became the first player to sign an annual contract of $100,000!

60 years later, in 2009, the average Major League Baseball player's salary was $2,999, 106 and the league minimum, yes minimum, was $400,000.

Based on the general increase of the median salary of the American male since 1950, the Yankee Clipper would be making $1, 537, 315 today. Obviously this is completely ridiculous, since this is far, far removed from the upper echelon of today's MLB salaries and would put him in the same MLB salary bracket as Greg Zaun, Oscar Villareal and Macier Izturis.

Dimaggio would most certainly be one of the highest paid players in the game, since the MLB salary is rising about 23 times faster than than that of the rest of America. It is tough to factor, but if Joe was currently in his heyday his salary would most assuredly be in A-Rod territory.

SOUPER BOWL FOUR

2011-02-06T05:59:00.000-08:00

APPETIZERS

CHAD NACHO-CINCO- A heaping helping of nachos, topped with 85 different toppings including pizza! I know, PIZZA?! Now that's what I call nachos!

OLINDO "FRIED CALI" MARE- Fried calamari served with salt, lemon and a delicious Wellington Mara-nara sauce

RYAN MOATS-ARELLA STIX- Fried cheese goodness, with a side of that same old Wellington Mara-nara sauce for dipping!

DAVID QUESA-DIEHL-A- Chicken or steak grilled up and sandwiched in a flour or wheat tortilla with shredded cheese, peppers, onions, sour cream and pico de gallo.

BRIAN ORAKPO-TATO SKINS- Potato skins topped with sour cream, bacon, scallions and of course a large dose of cheddar and monterey jack cheeses!

VINCE ON-YOUNG RINGS- Onions fried to such a golden perfection that they will have you scrambling to grab some before they're all gone!

BUFFALO-GAN MANKINS WINGS- Stout and manly wings served BBQ, hot or inferno! Served with celery and blue cheese!

SPINACH ARTI-FOLK DIP- This is a dip with some kick! Served with pita triangles and chips for dipping!

CHARLIE LOADED FRYES- A pile of fries, covered in three, count 'em, three, cheeses as well as bacon and scallions! Served with a big, nay, SUPER bowl of Deion Branch dressing!

SOUPS AND SALADS

KEN T-AMATO SOUP

CHANNING CLAM CHOWDER

HARVEY CHICKEN NOO-DAHL

KARLOS DANS-BEEF STEW

JOHN CHILI CON CARNEY

KEVIN KOLB SALAD

ADAM CEASAR-CHULETA

RICHARD GAR-DENT SALAD

SANDWICHES AND BURGERS
All sandwiches and burgers served with a pickle and fries or chips.

MARION BARBER-CUE CHICKEN SANDWICH- A burger fit for a cowboy! Two grilled chicken breasts, smothered in Barber-cue sauce, topped with cheddar cheese and bacon all on a toasted wheat bun.

GEORGE B.L.-TEAGUE- A bacon, lettuce and tomato triple decker on white or wheat toast!

KEN HAMLIN CHEESE MELT- Ham and swiss grilled and delicious.

DAN KOP-PANINI- The biggest panini you have ever seen! Turkey, ham, cheddar and swiss, melted together in grilled panini wnoderment!

THE REU-BEN ROETHLISBERGER- A big ol' pile of corned beef, topped with sauerkraut, Swiss cheese and Russian dressing on rye!

MATT TRIPLE CHEESE BIRK-ER- Three half pound beef patties topped wit cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and onion!

KERRY RHODES-EO BURGER- Two half pound all beef patties, with barbecue sauce, cheddar cheese, bacon and onion rings!

ENTREES

JOHN "BABY" BECK RIBS- Succulent, smothered in BBQ sauce, fall off the bone goodness! Served with Trent Cole slaw and cornbread!

ATARI-YAKI CHICKEN BIGBY- A chicken breast grilled in a delicious Atari-aki sauce served with a side of rice and mixed veggies.

JON CHICKEN CORTO BLEU- Breaded chicken stuffed with ham and swiss cheese!

STEAKS
All steaks served with mashed potatoes, green beans and a side salad.

JOEY PORTER-HOUSE- A 49 oz. piece of meat nirvana!

KEITH RIB-BYERS- A large strip of steak goodness!

BRIAN PRIME ROBISKIE- The primest of rib!

AKIN FIL-AYODELE MIGNON- A big, big piece of fine steak!

PASTA

RIGA-TONY GONZALEZ

SCOTT SHANLE-SAGNA- Six layers of pasta, cheese and meat! This saintly pasta dish, sure packs one heck of a wallop!

JEREMY MAC-LIN AND CHEESE- Baked mac 'n' cheese, just like mom used to make!

SPAGHETTI AND JACOB TAMME-TBALLS- A traditional pasta favorite, these are some spicy-a meat-a-balls!

LARRY FOOTE-UCINI ALFREDO- Fettucini tossed with parmesan cheese and butter, creating a delicious and creamy delight!

KEN HAMLIN-GUINI AND CLAM SAUCE- A somewhat spicy pasta dish served with tomato sauce and cooked clams!

DESSERTS

BERNARD BLUE-BERRIAN PIE

KEYARON FOX LIME PIE

LEMON MERIN-GAY PIE

LEGEDU BROW-NAANEE SUN-DAE

WEEK 5: WHAT STINKS?

2010-10-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, I need to talk about something very important. No, it does not have anything to do with the Randy Moss, I assure you! This.....this has to do with something much, much deeper. I have been in close proximity to four separate people who had a pungent odor emanating from their persons, in as many days this week. I know that does not necessarily sound like anything groundbreaking, smelly people exist everywhere. But that's just the thing!

Look, I ride public transportation every single day, so it stands to reason that I'm gonna be subjected to certain "aromas" during each travel experience. This is a fact every commuter comes to terms with at some point. As a commuter you build up a certain smell tolerance. Combine this with aging, which slowly dulls all of the human senses (except the sixth, seventh and eighth senses) and really most every day public transportation emanations should really barely be noticed.

So what I am asking is, why am I all of sudden noticing these odors more than usual? Is my sense of smell heightening, with age? Has my nose got some sort of Benjamin Button thing going on? Haha, Benjamin Button nose, get it? Is my sense of smell aging backwards? Or, OR, are there just more pungent body odors out there? Is this something we, as a society, need to address? Is it the economy? Are people conserving water? Soap? Some food for thought.

And here's who will cover the spread this week: Broncos, Jaguars, Chiefs, Lions, Falcons, Bengals, Bears, Packers, Texans, Saints, Chargers, Titans, 49ers, Vikings.

And now your cheese:

GOOD SPORTS? MORE LIKE GOOD GRIEF!

2010-10-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

Well this is right on the money! Have these people not seen, MLB Steroid Scandal: The Movie?

Thanks to J-Rebs for the pic!

And for someone your kids can look up to, I give you Shirtless Gutenburg!

2010-09-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we missed a week of picks. Sometime things come up, like laziness and procrastination and delicious roast beef sandwiches!

On with the show!

BRONCOS @ TITANS- It seems like the Titans are only as good as Vince Young. Which is not super, really, since VY has not ever really been consistent. Not sure what to make of the Broncos, but I am almost never sold on them, so.....Titans 23-13

RAVENS @ STEELERS- The Ravens added Anquan Boldin and TJ Whosyourmamma, to bolster an offense to supplement an already stellar defense. The defense is still stellarish, but the "O" has not lived up to anything close to the hype and I can't say it will get any easier for them this week at the Ketchup Packet. This one will be defensive slugfest of the highest order. That's right, the HIGHEST order! Ravens 7-6

BENGALS @ BROWNS- I expected biggish things from the Bengals this season, and after week one that looked like lofty expectations. The Bengals rebounded by edging out the Ravens and then beating the Panthers. What's standing between them and 3-1? Seneca Wallace. Seneca Wallace? That's what the Browns came into this season with? Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace? Really? Probably safe to say the Dawg Pound was not banking on a playoff trip this year. Bengals 27-17

LIONS @ PACKERS- The Pack will be looking to rebound from the Monday night loss, and while the Lions are full of sass, I feel the Pack should be okay in week four. Packers 28-16

PANTHERS @ SAINTS- I'm pretty sure I am not the only one waiting for the Saints to just, as the kids say, "go off". Thus far the Saints first three games have been decided by a total, yes TOTAL, of 11 points. Of course part of having sucess in the NFL is winning close games, but still, it would be nice if the Saints would show a bit of dominance at some point. This could be the week! Saints 31-14

49ERS @ FALCONS- The Niners were one of the darlings in almost everyone's, preseason predictions, but thus far they have been, well, not good. Normally, I'd say not to panic, since they are in the NFC West, but the Seahawks are proving to be a bit of a fly in the ointment. That and the fact I picked the Dirty Birds to be playing in the final game of the year, spells trouble and, more than likely, 0-4 for the Niners. Falcons 28-13

SEAHAWKS @ RAMS- Both these squads raised eyebrows, or so I am told (I didn't actually see any eyebrows raise, it's more of an expression I guess) last week, with a couple of surprising wins. How sold am I on the 'Hawks? Not very. The Rams are up and coming and Slingin' Sammy Bradford is settling in nicely. Something tells me I should pick the 'Hawks, but I'm not gonna. Rams 23-17

JETS @ BILLS- The Hahvahd boy, Ryan Fitzpatrick can sling a pigskin wicked hahd! But unfortunately for him the Jets "D" is a smidge better than the Pats, so it could be a long afternoon in Orchard Park for the Billsies. Jets 24-9

COLTS @ JAGUARS- I can't really think of any logical reason the Colts would lose this game. Colts 31-14

TEXANS @ RAIDERS- I can't really think of any logical reason the Texans would lose this game. Texans 27-13

CARDINALS @ CHARGERS- The Chargers are off to their typical slow start, which makes it a perfect time for the Cards to pull off the upset. It is very possible to upset the Bolts (see Chiefs, Kansas City and Seahawks, Seattle) at this juncture. But, I would see the odds are better, that the Chargers will prevail. Chargers 27-20

REDSKINS @ EAGLES- McNabb Bowl I! D-Nabb's first game in Philly not wearing the green and white, should be worth watching. But if I know one thing, it's that Philadelphia fans are always willing to greet their former players with nothing but adoration, respect and kindness. I mean if there is a kinder and gentler fan base in sports than in Philly, I dare you to find it! Eagles 28-17

BEARS @ GIANTS- This is an intriguing matchup, for sure. I don't know what to make of either team. Are the Bears good? Are the Giants bad? I think the answer to both questions is, maybe. I've never thought much of Jay Cutler, but combine a Mike Martz offense with a bruising defense and all of sudden you've got a team that just might be darned good. Darned, I say! I'm still not sold on Jay-C, but with that defense, he doesn't need to be Joe Montana to keep Da Bears in games. On the other side, that supposed stud defense of the G-men has been torched for 67 points in the last two games. Doesn't look good for the Giants. Bears 31-21

PATRIOTS @ DOLPHINS- The Pats defense is not what it once was, to say the least, but can Chad Henne and comapany take advantage of said lamer defense? Well, Mark Sanchez did. Ryan Fitzpatrick did. So why not Chad Henne? Dolphins 24-23

Well there you have your week four picks! And now for your cheese.....

SETTLE DOWN!

2010-09-22T15:58:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a new segment here at "Bitterness", that we'll simply call " Settle Down!" It'll be pretty much self-explanatory, but I'll explanate, er explain, it to you anyway. Ya see, every single day, the media, among others, crank up the Hype-a-Tron 5000 and hand us a ton of, what is, for the most part, unwarranted hyperbolic nonsense. And due to their hyperbolictivity, they need to be asked to settle down. Maybe it'll become clearer once we get started? Well, let's hope so. And away we go!

To everyone touting the Bucs and Josh Freeman and their 2-0 start, settle down! Look, I like Josh Freeman, he seems like a nice enough fella, and the Bucs could surprise some people, but let's focus people! They beat the Browns and the Panthers, not exactly powerhouses. Now I will give you, they have already exceeded mine, and everyone else's, expectations, but let's just settle down, before we "buy in".
For those who were quick to think Arian Foster was the next Barry Foster, settle down! Now, I now after AF's week two performance, a lot of people did in fact settle down, but they are still very high on him. Look, he could very well, dominate for years to come, but it weren't too long ago the Texans had another young RB taking charge, and how did that turn out, hmmm?
If you're sold on Mark Sanchez as turning "it" all around, settle down! It was one game, and I know everyone still overrates the Pats, but the New England secondary is a siv. So, it's tough to say whether Sanchez is ready to step up or the Pats secondary is just that pathetic, but why don't we just settle down and wait and see.
For those that are stunned by Brett Favre's shaky start, settle down! I'm not saying whether or not the Vikes will turn things around, but it was only a matter of time before things caught up with the aged gunslinger. Is it just me, or does Bret Favre lead the league in wincing?
Anyone thinking the Browns are underachieving, settle down! I know they finished last season strong, but how many times have we seen that scenario before? You know, a bad team finishing a season strong, because they're playing with reckless abandon and, well, quite frankly over their heads, going into the next season with some sort of hype following right along beside them. So, anyone who thought the Brownies were ready to be contenders, needs to settle down!

Well, that concludes the first edition of "Settle Down!" Look for us, and possibly Brownie (pictured above) to tell even more people to settle down, next week!

WEEK TWO: BENCH ROMO

2010-09-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

CHIEVES @ BROWNS- Here's a game that could really go either way. The Chieves upset the Bolts on Monday night, and the Browns lost to the Buccaneers, the team I picked to be in the running for the worst record this season. Now, let it be said that I am not sold on KC, but I am sold on the awfulicity of Jake Delhomme. That young KC defense showed some things on MNF, or so I am told (it finished a bit past my bedtime) and they could cause some problems for Jakey D. Chieves 16-13

BILLS @ PACKERS- Well, the Bills could have lost by more in week one I suppose, but that may be more telling of the Dolphins mediocrity, than the Bills goodness. No one is giving the Bills a chance and Lambeau, and with good reason. Packers 28-10

RAVENS @ BENGALS- Based on week one performances this should be a no-brainer, right? Probably, but since when have I done things by the book? The Jets didn't try and work that battered Ravens secondary, but the Bengals could, what with that high-priced receiving corps. But seriously, everything points to a Ravens win. Bengals 21-17

STEELERS @ TITANS- Sure the Steel crew surprised me by beating the Falcons to start the season, but I expect big things from the Titans this year. Should be a tight one, but I think VY and the Titans can pull it out. Titans 24-14

EAGLES @ LIONS- What can I say, Lions fans? You got jobbed. But look at it this way, it's not like the Lions were playoff bound anyway. So, it's only gonna help your drafting position, right? Silver lining, Detroit. Silver lining. Gotta say, I don't feel like the Lions will jump into the win column this week, either. Eagles 27-17

BEARS @ COWBOYS- Bears did put up some big offensive numbers in the opener, but how does a Mike Martz offense not score from the goal line, given four tries? I am not high on Jay-Cut as you may well know. I wasn't going anywhere with that, just wanted to reiterate, is all. Cowboys should, SHOULD, look better this week, but who knows? Cowboys 35-27

BUCCANEERS @ PANTHERS- I'm thinking DeAngelo Williams and "The Daily Show" will be looking to run amok (that's right, amok!) after being outright stymied by the G-Men last week! Plus the Bucs are not good. They got lucky against the Brownies. Now, it is possible the Bucs could be dancing with lady luck in week two as well, but I don't think so. Panthers 27-13

CARDINALS @ FALCONS- Neither squad was overly impressive in week one. I mean the Cards drew the Rams, and let's be honest, even with a promising young QB, it takes a high level of suckitude to lose to the Rammers. Now, I picked the Falcons to be the NFC Champs, which seems like a dumbish pick, sure, but I stand by it. Unless they start 0-2! Really, if they can't beat Derek Anderson (Max Hall, anyone?) than I am really gonna have to rethink some things. Falcons 38-21

DOLPHINS @ VIKINGS- Hey, here's a game I could not care less about. Is age finally, really, catching up with the Gunslinger? He did not look like he was having fun or about to lead the league in smiles, in New Orleans last Thursday. Both teams, are a bit overrated, but me thinks the Vikings are just flat out better. If the Dolphins hold Adrian Petersen to 14 all-purpose yards, then I may drink that dolphin-safe tuna juice. But not yet! Vikings 27-19

RAMS @ RAIDERS- The Los Angeles Bowl? Nothing like a battle between the last two franchises to play in La-la-land. Add in the fact, that both squads have been putrid for several years. Here's a weird thing to think about, though- These teams have been to a combined 3 Super Bowls in the last 11 years! Yes in the last eleven years the Rams have been to as many Super Bowls as the Steelers and the Colts! Both teams have been to more than the Cowboys or the Chargers or the Packers! Anyway, for some reason the Raiders annointed Jason Campbell their savior, and people thought they were some sort of playoff contender? I didn't buy it, and I looked spot on, with that not buying of it, in week one. But, are they bad enough to lose to the Rams? Maybe. I think the Rams will shoot themselves in the foot, though. Raiders 17-14

SEAHAWKS @ BRONCOS- Anyone who said they saw Seattle's week one lambasting of the Niners, and cannot back it up, is probably lying. Unless their name rhymes with "sweet barrel". This is another game I don't want to watch, primarily because I just don't care. Broncos 21-20

TEXANS @ REDSKINS- The Texans took a big step towards convincing me they are contenders with that win over the Colts, but it's a long season, and Arian Foster, prob-a-bly won't rush for two hundred yards every week, but he may be good. Skins are not as good as the Colts. Texans 28-17

JAGUARS @ CHARGERS- I was so close to picking the Chieves in week one, but thought, despite their penchant for starting slow, the Chargers would handle them. WRONG! I look for a big day from MJD and a Jags upset! Jaguars 21-20

PATRIOTS @ JETS- Patriots probably aren't quite as good as they looked last week, while the Jets may not be quite as bad as they looked last week. In what'll arguably be the most talked about game of week two (yes, more hyped than Chieves-Browns!) it should be a slugfest. All signs point to a Pats win, so the they'll probably lose, but I'm sticking to my gut! Patriots 21-17

GIANTS @ COLTS- Ah, Manning Bowl II. If the Giants can run the ball like the Texans and control the clock, they could very will pick up a "W" here. Here's the thing though, Peyton Manning just does not start 0-2. Last time he did that? His rookie year. Of course that is a relative stat. They may not have good competition in the first two weeks in any of those seasons, right? I suppose I could look it up, but I won't. Colts 27-23

SAINTS @ NINERS- There is really no good reason to pick the Niners in this one. But something in my gut sees an upset, gosh darnit! Pardon my French. Some weird stuff will happen in the Bay Area on Monday night! Niners 14-10

WEEK ONE: TO KITNA, WITH LOVE

2010-09-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

PANTHERS @ GIANTS- This year's G-men "D" is supposed to be legit, and the Panthers have an inexperienced QB in Matty Tyler Moore. Normally that could spell disaster, BUT the G-Men are a bit banged up in the middle of the line and the Panthers have some darned good runners in "The Daily Show" Johnathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams. So while DeAngelo and "The Daily Show" could both possibly hit the century mark on the ground, it'll be the Giants who will grind out the win, in what I expect to be the quickest game of the week. Giants 20-10

DOLPHINS @ BILLS- It makes me sad that the NFL no longer makes the 'Phins travel up into the northeast during the winter months. But, that aside, I think the 'Phins are highly overrated. On the other hands they may have enough to get by the Bills. Despite a big day from C.J. Spiller, the Phins will prevail. Dolphins 21-17

FALCONS @ STEELERS- Matty Ice is ready to take control and dominate! At least I think so. The Falcons are my NFC favorite, so of course I think they can handle the Ben-less Steelers. Falcons 23-17

LIONS @ BEARS- I really don't know what to make of the Bears, to be quite honest. They could hang with the Pack and the Vikes all year or be a complete nonentity, I dunno? But, while the Lions are gonna take a big step forward this year, I think they won't quite be ready to upset Da Bears in the opener. Bears 31-20

BENGALS @ PATRIOTS- This seems to have become the trendy week one upset pick. I thought I was original thinking the Bengals, what with T.O and Ochocinco and all, would eat up the very "green" Pats secondary, but it appears everyone else is sniffin' that as well. So much so, that it makes me almost wanna go against my original pick! Nah. Bengals 31-27

BROWNS @ BUCCANEERS- The Bucs are the only team that will be blacked out in their area. Hard to imagine why? That was sarcasm folks. Why would anyone want to pay big bucks to watch this Tampa Bay squad? Unless they're wearing those delicious creamsicle unis, than they really aren't worth watching. Browns 24-10

BRONCOS @ JAGUARS- The Jaguars sold out! Yep, that's news! They didn't sign anyone making them a contender or anything, they just draw the Broncos and Florida star Tim Tebow in week one. Broncos rode last year's fast start to all sorts of, what amounted to unnwaranted, praise and hype. The overhypedness of Josh McD's squad has led many to believe this will be a cake walk for them in the opener. Well it won't be easy-peasy, but the Broncos will prevail. Broncos 24-21

COLTS @ TEXANS- Is it just me or does it seem like the Texans have been a trendy playoff pick for like the last decade? Well many think this is the year. Me? I'll believe it when I see it. Beating Indy in week one, could go along way towards convincing me. But that's another, "believe it when I see it" scenario. Colts 31-24

RAIDERS @ TITANS- The Raiders get Jason Campbell and all of the sudden, they're a playoff contender? What? Let's not get too carried away here folks. Sure, pretty much anything resembling competency at quarterback is an upgrade over JaMarcus Russell, but they are still the Raiders and no one on that Oakland squad has proven jack squat! Look for Chris Johnson to run wild and hold of the silver and black attack! Titans 24-16

PACKERS @ EAGLES- I love me some Packers and Aaron Rodgers, but I was high on them (them, glue fumes, whichever) at the beginning of last year too, and they would go on to disappoint me. Supposedly they've learned from last year and they are darned good on both side of the ball. Dom Capers should throw everything, including the kitchen sink, at Kevin Kolb. Packers 27-17

49ERS @ SEAHAWKS- Saying the Niners will win the NFC West is really not saying much. Winning the NFC West will be like being the skinniest kid at fat camp. That being said, Mike Singletary is tough and so are the Niners. The Seahawks? Not so much. No one is expecting much from the Seahawks which is the perfect way for a team to go into a season. They play bad? It's expected. Nothing to lose, right? But, on a serious note, Seahawks fans, Pete Carroll is not a good NFL coach. Niners 17-0

CARDINALS @ RAMS- Cardinals are ushering in the Derek Anderson era? While we all await the emergence of Max Hall, D-Andy is the man in 'Zona. Luckily he draws the lowly Rams in week one. On the other side though, Sam Bradford hasn't looked terrible. "Greatest Show on Turf", they ain't, but the Rammers could maybe do some things here and there. A definite upset possibility, but I'm sticking with the Cards. Cardinals 37-31

COWBOYS @ REDSKINS- Donovan McNabb's last two games were against the Cowboys. Both losses. I'll have to check the stats, but if he loses Sunday he may become the first QB in NFL (no AFL, CFL or USFL stats, please folks)history to lose three consecutive games, all to the same team? The Skins are much improved, but I still feel the Cowboys are the beasts of the NFC East. Cowboys 27-21

RAVENS @ JETS- Is there anyone outside of the Jetsdom, that likes Rex Ryan? Be honest. The Jets have a good defense, but are they a Super Bowl caliber team? I submit that they are not. The Ravens on the other hand? Absotively! Derrick Mason, Anquan Boldin and now T.J. Houshmanzadeh. Well, Darelle Revis is good, but I'm pretty sure he can only cover one of those guys at a time. Ravens 24-16

CHARGERS @ CHIEFS- The Chargers have become known for their slow starts, but ya gotta think they can handle "Sand" Cassel and the Chieves to start the season, right? I was very briefly tempted to pick the upset here, but common sense, as it rarely does for me, prevailed. Chargers 27-13

And of course, here is your cheese:

GAME ONE: KITNA-LESS

2010-09-09T14:58:00.000-07:00

Alright, so as my 5th grade basketball camp coach said, "Procrastination is the chief thief of time." Yeah, kind of waited til the last minute with the old week one picks, so I'm gonna give you the pick for tonight's game and you can can look for the rest of the week's picks early tomorrow, to help get you through your Friday at work!

VIKINGS @ SAINTS: This may be the toughest call of week one, for me anyway. A rematch of last year's NFC Championship game, could very well be a preview of this year's championship game? On the one hand the Vikings turned the ball over five times in their postseason meeting last year, but the Saints still needed overtime to beat them. On the other hand Bret Favre is old and Drew Brees is well, not so much. Gregg Williams should keep Favre on the move and on the turf throughout the night, but will that be enough? They battered Favre around in that NFC title game last year and still almost came up empty. I think the Saints are the better team and will have the home crowd to help them, but the adrenaline and expectations may get the best of them in the opener, that's why I'm making my first bold, and possibly stupid, upset (although 5.5 point underdogs, not a super upset special) pick of the season! Vikings 27-23

ARE YOU PREPARED FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!

2010-09-06T08:13:00.001-07:00

Yeah, the legal department informs me that we can't use, "Are you ready for some football?!" without express written consent of MNF. Apparently our implied oral consent will not hold up in a court of law? Not even a kangaroo court! Anyway, I'm sure my five loyal readers are wondering where their "Bitterness" has been over the past few months. Well, we were contemplating retiring from blogging. Hanging up the old laptop to spend more time with my family. But, after much consternation, hemming and hawing, I've decided I've still got some good blog posts left in me, by gum! Okay, now that, that's taken care of, onto the NFL preview!

I am gonna level with you all, I have not kept up much with what's been happening in the NFL off-season, so take these predictions, which are normally spot on, with a grains of salt. In fact, why don't you put those grains around the rim of a glass, pour a margarita in there, and celebrate the waning of summertime! Huzzah!

NFC EAST
The NFC East looks like it will once again be an angry cockfight! It seems the 'Skins have made some big upgrades, mostly in the coaching department, but they are after all, the Redskins, so unlike the esteemed Mr. Ross Tucker, I just can't pick them to win the division. Don't get me wrong, Donovan McNabb is still pretty good, but even if- and it is a sizable "IF"- he does stay healthy, I just don't see him leading this team to the promised land, and sorry 'Skins fans, but Gus Frerotte is not walking through that door! Well, actually, I wouldn't rule that out. Anyway, I still think this is the Cowboy's division to win. Yeah, I said it! What?! I'm never confident in the Iggles, and they are even more of a question mark this year with Kevin "Corn on the" Kolb at the helm of the offense. Meanwhile, the Giants should hang with the 'Boys until the bitter end, or week 15, whichever comes first.

Predicted standings:
Cowboys 11-5
Giants 10-6
Redskins 8-8
Eagles 8-8

NFC NORTH
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the NFC Norris division will come down to the Packers and the Vikings. Sure, the Bears will somehow be in the mix throughout, but let's face it, Jay Cutler is, well, Jay Cutler. Not to knock Jay Cutler or anything. Okay, I guess I am absolutely knocking Jay Cutler. It's not that Jay-C isn't a good QB, he's just not great. I just don't feel he can keep his head on a swivel, when it counts, that's all! Part of it, is the media made him out to be more than what he was, when he signed with Da Bears last year, and that irks me! Wow, wasn't planning on such a big Jay Cutler tangent there. Moving on! A lot of people are high on the Pack this year, and with good reason, sure. But it seems that the Packers underachieve way to often for my liking. Sure I still think they'll edge out the aging gunslinger and the Vikes for the division crown, but not sure if they're ready to move into the echelon of the elite just yet. And of course, the Lions still have reservations at the hot new restaurant, The NFC North Basement, but could be the feistiest they've been in, well, a long time.

Predicted Standings
Packers 10-6
Vikings 9-7
Bears 7-9
Lions 5-11

NFC SOUTH
Well, if you are any sort of fan of the NFL, you probably already know, no team has ever won back-to-back NFC South titles. And you probably already know that for the past seven years, the team finishing last in the NFC South the previous year, has made the playoffs. Well, that all ends this year! Boom! I know, does not sound like a very bold prediction, but the Falcons are pretty good and Matty Ice has another year of experience under his belt, so the Dirty Birds could overtake the Saints. They won't, but they could. As for the Bucs making the playoffs? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that is rich! Now stranger things have happened, but this one is out there, for sure! HAHAHAHAHA! Bucs making the playoffs! I've got a better chance of signing on as their 3rd string QB, than they have of making the playoffs! BUCS IN THE PLAYOFFS?! AHAHAHHAHAHA! Oh, okay, sorry, gotta bit carried away there. So yeah, Saints will fend off the Falcons and capture another NFC South title.

Predicted Standings:
Saints 12-4
Falcons 11-5
Panthers 5-11
Buccaneers 2-14

NFC WEST
Alex Smith, Sam Bradford, Derek Anderson, Matt Hasselback. These are your NFC West quarterbacks. The NFC West has got to be the worst division in football. That being sad, it has been worse, but not by much. To me, this is the Niners division to take. Each of the four teams in the division have major question marks, though. Is Alex Smith actually ready to be consistent and lead? Will Matt Hasselback stay healthy? Can Pete Carrol actually have success in the NFL? Derek Anderson? Really? And well the Rams are just a big question mark in general right now.

Predicted Standings:
49ers 9-7
Cardinals 7-9
Seahawks 4-12
Rams 3-13

AFC EAST
The Jets have the Hardknocks curse looming large, the Patriots have a lack of pass rush and a young secondary, the Dolphins have a somewhat inexperienced QB, and the Bills, well, it's gonna be a long season for the Bills. The Jets also have to be wondering what they'll get from Mark Sanchez in his second season. Will teams respect his arm enough to not gang up on the run? I'm not convinced they will, but they should still have a heck of a good defense. Then, there's the Patriots. Every year it seems, they are on the way out, but could this be the year, where they drop another peg and Belichik gets a piece of humble pie? Well, they were terrible in the third, and supposedly most important, preseason game against the Rams. THE RAMS! Now it was JUST a preseason game, but the way Belichik reacted you'd think they just lost a playoff game or something. But who knows, maybe that was just a Belichik ploy?

Predicted standings:
Jets 10-6
Patriots 10-6
Dolphins 9-7
Bills 3-12

AFC NORTH
The North seems like it's Baltimore's to lose. However their defense is not quite as potent as it once was. Don't get me wrong, it's still a darn good defense, just not as good as everyone seems to think. But they should be able to pull out a division title, and a good playoff run. The Bengals are leading the league in players who have had their own VH-1 reality show. Can the big personalities of T.O. and Ochocinco coexist in perfect harmony? If they can do that and Carson Palmer can return close to form, the Bengals should have a pretty darned decent chance at keeping pace with the Ravens. The Steelers are the wild card in all this. It'll all depend on what they can accomplish in the four weeks without Big Ben. The Browns could prove feisty as well, as they did finish last season on a high note. But they're still not quite "there" yet, I think.

Predicted standings
Ravens 12-4
Bengals 10-6
Steelers 8-8
Browns 6-10

AFC SOUTH
Seemed like last year a lot of people thought the Colts would be on some sort of downswing. All they did, was start 14-0 and head to another Super Bowl. Some downswing. While they have some O-line questions, the AFC South is still their's to lose. The Titans should be tough, but it'll all really depend on what VY does, if they want to actually compete for the AFC South crown. A lot of people are high on the Texans, but I think a lot of those people may just be high. The Texans have been a trendy pick for what seems like the last decade, so forgive me if I'm not entirely sold on the Kubiak Kids. And the Jaguars are just a mess. MJD is money in the bank, but they have more question marks than the Riddler, littering the rest of their roster.

Predicted standings:
Colts 13-3
Titans 10-6
Texans 9-7
Jaguars 4-12

AFC WEST
The Chargers are still the class of the west, but supposedly the rest of the division is on the rise. But the Chargers should not worry too much about that as all the team's are still a ways off. For some reason the Raiders are suddenly the trendy pick? I personally don't get it and will believe it when I see it. It is really a big testament to how putrid JaMarcus Russel was at QB, that Jason Campbell makes their offense 20 times better. I mean, it is only Jason Campbell folks, let's simmer down a bit. The Chieves brought in Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel (sound familiar), but I wouldn't expect the Chieves to be the Pats circa 2001, just yet. Not until Matt Cassel can really show something anyway. The Broncos played over their heads last year, but could pull off a few upsets here and there. Me thinks Josh McD's suad peaked with last year's fast start, but they have Tim Tebow, which should be interesting, at least?

Predicted Standings
Chargers 12-4
Broncos 8-8
Raiders 7-9
Chieves 6-10

Alright, so there are your predicted division standings, here are your Wild Card teams: Bengals, Patriots, Falcons, Giants

AFC Champion- Ravens. I did not want to pick them, but figure it'll either be them or Indy, and I just don't see Indy returning, not sure why? I also considered the Bengals, but they need to win a playoff game under Marvin Lewis, before I can really believe in them.

NFC Champion- Falcons. I am just really high on the Falcons. A lot of people are saying the Packers, which is primarily why I did not pick them. That and the fact they still need to prove themselves a bit more to me. I think the NFC playoffs could be wide open. Heck, I wouldn't even be completely stunned to see the Niners in Dallas! Sorry for ruining your season by picking you Falcons, but that's how the cookie crumbles?

Super Bowl Champions- Ravens

MVP- Was gonna go with the boring choice and flip a coin between Peyton Manning and Drew Brees, but what the heck fun is that? So, I'm going with (drum roll please)......Ray Rice. Not a complete dark horse, but I wouldn't see him as a favorite, maybe?

AFC Offensive Player of the Year- Peyton Manning, IND
NFC Offensive Player of the Year- Eli Manning, NYG. JUST KIDDING! HAHA! Aaron Rodgers, GB

AFC Defensive Player of the Year- Darelle Revis, NYJ
NFC Defensive Player of the Year- Marcus Spears, DAL

AFC Offensive Rookie of the Year- CJ Spiller, BUF
NFC Offensive Rookie of the Year- Mike Williams, TB (Orange represent?)

AFC Defensive Rookie of the Year- I really have no clue.
NFC Defensive Rookie of the Year- That Suh fella?

Well that conclude the "Bitterness" NFL preview. Enjoy the season! Huzzah!

KUMQUATS?!

2010-08-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

With the MLB trade deadline having come and gone, it's time for "Bitterness" to look at the most traded player in the history of major league baseball. That's right, the ever popular "player to me named later" (PTBNL). Yes the PTBNL has been around, more or less, since the dawn of trading in baseball.

The PTBNL is basically used to postpone the final conditions of an MLB trade. But really the whole thing is just one of many bizarre rules and or regulations that surround the game of baseball.

Now they say the PTBNL allows the team receiving him more time to evaluate their team needs as well the talent level of the potential players they could receive as the PTBNL. But regardless, how discouraging does it have to be, to be a PTBNL? Basically the PTBNL is so insignificant that both teams are already happy with the trade, without him being added for another six months. I mean can you imagine such a thing in the time of the barter system? "I'll give you 6 potatoes for 4 kumquats and a foodstuff to be named later." You'd be liable to lose a hand!

But if just being a PTBNL is not discouraging or weird enough for you, I give you Harry Chiti. In 1962 Chiti was traded to the Mets from the Indians for a PTBNL. In the end that PTBNL was also Chiti. So, Chiti was actually traded, for himself!

But Chiti, was technically on both sides of the PTBNL deal. The PTBNL is usually a minor leaguer, who may or may not already know about his insignificance. But how about the other end of the deal? How important does one feel when they're basically traded, for no one. Well, in Chiti's day that may have seemed like a big "diss", as the kids say? These days, not so much, because it usually means a move to a team with a better chance of winning and it's mostly about the almighty "buck"!

So, it seems that the most discouraging position here is to be the PTBNL. Not many PTBNL's end up amounting to much, but there are a few who go on, to do some things. David Ortiz, Scott Podsednik and Coco Crisp are a few notable PTBNLs that have made nice careers. While they may not be significant before or after they become a PTBNL, they can, at the very least, be colorful and wise.

"I'm the player to be named later."- Crash Davis, Bull Durham

2010-07-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

The seemingly immortal Jamie Moyer recently broke Robin Roberts' record for career home runs given up. Now while having given up more home runs than any other pitcher in basbeball seems fairly dubious, it is also a testament to Moyer's longevity. Longevity, of course does not equal greatness, but to a point, it does equal above averageness. Moyer has never been "great", but there is a certain something to be said for someone who remains serviceable for over two decades. But enough argle bargle! We here at "Bitterness" thought it be fun to go inside the many dingers given up by Jamie Moyer. First, a big thanks to Baseball-Reference, and away we go!

His first home run given up was to Juan Samuel, the current interim-manager for the Orioles.
He's given up home runs to six current Hall of Famers
He's given up homers to Glenn, Eric, Chili and Chris Davis. Juan, Alex, Wiki, Alex and Adrian Gonzalez. Joneses, Tracy, Ron, Andruw and Chipper. Molinas, Bengie and Jose, but not Yadier.
He's given up homers to Tony Pena and his son Tony, Jr. which no other pitcher can say.
He's given up long flies to several Royals, Jeff King and Prince Fielder.
He also gave up a homer to Prince Fielder's dad Cecil
Home run #103 was given up to Greg Vaughn. #104? That was given up to Mo Vaughn
He's been taken deep by a Huskey, a Hardy and a Braun
Manny Ramirez has the most homers off of Moyer
Brooks, Boggs, Bay and even an Overbay have taken Moyer out of the park
He's given up long balls to Raines and Snow
He's been taken deep in the first inning more than any other inning
Kevin Bass, Tim Salmon, Benji Gil, a Marlin and a Devil Ray have all gone deep off of Moyer
Bill Madlock and Dave Justice have taken him over the wall
He's given homers to someone from every continent except for Antarctica
Gates, Wells and Stairs also homered off of him
He's given up bombs to Brewers, Rangers, Mariners, Fielders, a Hunter and a Sander
Red Sox, White Sox and one Schu have taken him deep
He's been taken deep by Phillies, a Phil and a Phillips
Blue Jays, Cardinals and Orioles have hit long balls off of him
He's been taken deep by a Wade, a Trot and a Pat
A Herr and a Man-ny have homered off him
And he's given up dingers to a Hill and a Dale, but no Valle

WTF?!

2010-07-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

With the Major League Baseball at it's All-Star break, it's of course time for the "47th Annual Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch All-W.T.F. Teams". For those of you who missed the announcing of the previous 46 years of "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch All-WTF Teams" and don't know what W.T.F. is, it stands for "What The Fiddlesticks?!" You see these are teams comprised of players that have produced stats in the first half of the season that are, let us just say, not in tune, with their expected production. Now we don't divvy up the teams by leagues. Oh, no-no, we divide them by whether their stats are above or below expectations. So, without further ado, on with the show:

TEXAS OUT-OF-RANGERS
C-John Buck, Blue Jays- Like many of the Blue Jays, Big Buck Hunter has been htting a bit above his paygrade.

1B-Troy Glaus, Braves- The oft-injured Glaus, has been more like a semi-Glaus the past couple seasons, but even a healthy Glaus and his aging bones are out hitting expectations.

2B-Kelly Johnson, Diamondbacks- Now sure, I did have Rage KJ as a preseason fantasy sleeper, seeing as how he all but disappeared off of everyone's radar last season, but he has done way more than even I could have ever imagined.

3B-Casey McGeehee, Brewers- A solid start to his career last season, but me thinks he be hittin' a bit over his head.

SS-Alex Gonzalez, Blue Jays- Sea Bass, yes Sea Bass (thanks to Baseball-Refernce for that nickname tidbit), has bopped 17 dingers thus far, a total that he has only topped twice in his 11 previous major league seasons.

OF-Jose Bautista, Blue Jays- He's already beaten his career high tater total (try saying that five times fast!) at the break! In fact he's already beaten that career tater total by 8!

OF-Chris Young, Diamondbacks- Now sure, he's had plenty of hype, and the dingers are for real, but his average is up above where it belongs. Regression is on the way!

OF-Nick Swisher, Yankees- Much like C.Y., Swisher's home runs are no lie, with that right field porch in Yankee Stadium being like 50 feet from home plate. But also like C.Y., the average is due for a regression.
BENCH
3B-Scott Rolen, Reds- Much like Troy Glaus, Rolen has been oft-injured and is raking like he's 27 again, which makes ya take a bit of a double take when you see the numbers.

IF-Ty Wigginton, Orioles- Wiggy was gettin jiggy early on, and yes he's cooled, but not enough to not make the 2010 overachiever squad.

OF-Alfonso Soriano, Cubs- He's been on a steady decline the past few years and a major drain on the Cubbies' financially. Now, while he's no longer a 40-40 candidate, he could get back to the 30 homer mark, and that's something of a surprise.

OF-Cory Hart, Brewers- He hasn't been wearing his sunglasses at night, and that seems to have made all the difference. Dude's got 65 steaks at the break, which is impressive for a guy who has never managed more than 91 in a season, in his short career. Either he's finally putting it altogether or he's just having a ridiculously lucky first half.
IF-Juan Uribe, Giants- It's possible that if Charlie Manuel wanted a good utility guy for the All-Star team, he could have chosen Uribe over Omar Infante. Seeing as how Uribe has been far better than the worse All-Star ever picked, that was not his team's sole representative.

PITCHERS
R.A. Dickey, Mets- Nothing really pointed to this breakout in Flushing.

Barry Zito, Giants- Were the stories of his demise, greatly exaggerated?

Carlos Silva, Cubs- Silva was just about literally the worst regular starting pitcher in the league last year, so even a mediocre start to this year would have landed him on this team.

Carl Pavano, Twins- Pavano's actually pitching like everyone thought he would after that '04 campaign. Who woulda thunk it?
Jon Rauch, Twins- A lot of people went into "panic mode" when Joe Nathan went down in Spring Training, but Rauch has more than stepped up.

Matt Capps, Nationals- No one, okay not a lot of people, saw Cappie being a solid closer for the Nats and that's good enough for "Bitterness"!

MYLANTA BRAVES
C-Matt Wieters, Baltimore Orioles- A bit harsh, since he barely has a full season under his belt, sure. He has been decent, but he was spit out of the Hype-a-tron 3000, and while that's not his fault, it'll still land him on the 2010 underachievers.

1B-Mark Tiexeira, Yankees- Another slow start for Tex, but unlike past years, he really hasn't turned it on yet.

2B-Aaron Hill, Blue Jays- A former All-Star, who actually finished 12th in AL MVP voting last year, hitting below the Mendoza Line? Welcome to the team!

3B-Aramis Ramirez, Cubs- Aramis was terrible, then got injured, came back and started hitting somewhat. So he may be back on track, but the first half numbers are still bad, so he makes the squad.

SS-Yunel Escobar, Braves- Not a superstar by any means, but he's been solid in his short MLB career, and this year has been abysmalistic for YEscobar.

OF-Adam Lind, Blue Jays- After a breakout campaign last season, Lind has been struggling mightily, even going several weeks between multi-hit games.

OF-Shane Victorino, Phillies- The Flyin' Hawaiian has seen a lot more of hits fly outta the park, but his BA and OBP, are way down. But the dude can rock a white suit!

OF-Jason Bay, Mets- I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, the Metropolitans were looking for a bit more than 6 dingers at the break from the Bayniac. And before anyone blames the power outage on his playing in the vast expanses of Citi Field, just know he has almost 30 more homers on the road in his career. Even whilst playing with the Red Sox last year, he hit 15 HRs at Fenway, while socking 21 on the road!

BENCH
OF-Melky Cabrera, Braves- Now no one was expecting an All-Star season out of the "Melk Man", but .259, 3 HRs and 24 RBIs?

IF-Chone Figgins, Mariners- Not surprising to me, but until recently, the much ballyhooed off-season signing by the Ms, had been a major disappointment.

3B-Chase Headley, Padres- A solid finish to last season, had Chase as a sleeper going into 2010, but after a hot start, Headley has been merely mediocre.

1B-Carlos Pena, Rays- No one was expecting Carlos to compete for any batting titles, but .203 is bad, even for him. Couple that with a .415 slugging percentage, and he ends up here.

2B-Akinori Iwamura, Pirates- Iwamura looked like a sneaky good signing by the Buccos, but he has been awful, and lost his starting gig to rookie Neil Walker.

PITCHERS
Ricky Nolasco, Marlins- Going into last year Ricky was one of the up and coming pitchers in the majors. So what did he do? Pitched so badly, he was sent to Triple-A. He then returned and pitched to expectations in the second half, leaving him ready to make the emerge as an ace this year, right? Wrong. Once again Nolasco has struggled in the first half, although not as mightily as in '09, but mightily enough to earn a spot on this squad.

Dan Haren, Diamondbacks- Usually, Danny boy saves his struggles for the second half, but I guess he decided to get ahead this year.

Wandy Rodriguez, Astros- "Magic" Wandy, has been anything but, this year. He took a big leap forward last year, but must not have said, "Mother may I?" as he has fallen way back this season.

Javier Vazquez, Yankees- While it comes as no surprise to this blogger, Javy's return to the A.L., has been a bit shaky. Oh, and if you think it's because of his home park, think again. His E.R.A. is actually higher on the road.

Carlos Zambrano, Cubs- Unless you live under a rock that does not get MLB Network, you don't need this one explained.

Trevor Hoffman, Brewers- We all knew age was catching up with the all-time saves leader, but it appears to have not only caught up with him, but also tossed him around a bit and stole his ability to get guys out.

Joba Chamberlain, Yankees- The supposed heir apparent to Mariano Rivera's throne in New York, is carrying an E.R.A. up over 5.00 at the break. Yikes!

Well there are your "47th Annual Bitterness is a Fish you Can Catch All-W.T.F. Teams"! Hope you enjoyed and keep on, keep on truckin'!

HAPPY JACKIE ROBINSON DAY!

2010-04-15T13:08:00.000-07:00

Ooops! Wrong Jackie Robinson! That is the long time Syracuse, NY news anchor. This is the Jackie Robinson we're celebrating today:

FANTASY FOOFARAW

2010-04-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first "Fantasy Foofaraw" of the season. But what is the "Fantasy Foofaraw" you may ask? Why the "Fantasy Foofaraw" is our weeklyish guide to fantasy baseball. Fair warning though, we hold know liability for ruining any fantasy baseball teams. We will however take complete credit when we help your team(s) achieve fantasy glory.

Why you shouldn't pay for closers- Jon Rauch. If you drafted, like many, before Joe Nathan went down (although somehow Nathan still managed to get drafted, after his injury, in several leagues, anyway) chances are Jon Rauch was not a player taken, even in deep, deep leagues. Which is hard to imagine, considering his adorable profile pic:

So you could just pick him up for virtual pennies and now he's 5 for 5 in save chances.

Of course it doesn't hurt to spend a little, rather than taking the dregs of the closer pool. (See Francisco, Frank)

If you drafted David Ortiz and expected him to start off 2010 with a bang, then well you are dumb. Yeah, I said it! The worst thing Ortiz could do was turn it on in the 2nd half last year, giving fantasy owners false hope for this season. He's on the downturn of his career. He's big and old, can't turn on inside pitches and can't hit lefties.

Now that being said, there's nothing wrong with having Ortiz on a deep mixed or AL-only league roster. But you do NOT have to start him. Unlike Terry Francona, you don't have to see him every day and there's a good chance he won't even know you benched him. Ya gotta think Francona is just hoping for an injury, so he won't feel bad about not playing Papi. Personally, I don't think that late season charge is on its way this year. AL-only and deep mixed league people, eye this situation and keep Mike Lowell and Jeremy Hermida on your radars.

Don't push the panic button on these fellas just yet:

HUNTER PENCE- Now sure, his team is abysmal, BUT he should still put up some good fantasy numbers. In fact I had him as one of the most underrated fantasy players in all the land when the season started. So don't look for him to Cory Hart you (Cory Hart: v. to show great potential and talent, leading to high expectations that are quickly dashed, ruining one's fantasy season), despite his hairdo:

YOVANNI GALLARDO- I don't generally get in the habit of sticking up for dudes named Yovanni, but I have high hopes for Gallardo, which is why he is the ace of several of my teams. So don't worry, fantasy goodness is on the way!

GRAB 'EM IF YOU CAN!

BARRY ZITO- He's not gonna be Cy Young Barry Zito, nor will he pitch this well the whole season. He has only faced the Astros and the Pirates for crying out loud! But he'll be a solid SP4 or 5 on any fantasy squad.

COLBY LEWIS- He dominated in Japan. JAPAN FOLKS! Worked for Cecil Fielder and Max "Hammer" Dubois, enough said!

No? Not enough said, you say? Okay, how 'bout this- he just struckout 10 Indians in 5.1 innings and that ain't bad.

SETH SMITH- Sure he's platooning, but if you are in a daily transaction league and have the time and effort to know when he's playing and can plug him into your lineup, you could be ridin' a gravy train with biscuit wheels!

STREAM WEAVER
In "Stream Weaver" we'll give you some good streaming options for the upcoming weekend. Enjoy!

TOM GORZELANNY, CHC (4/16) vs. Houston- Is Tom Gorzelanny the answer to all your pitching woes? Certainly not! Is he the answer to some? In the long run, no. But he's pitching against the Astros this week, and the 'Stros have fewer HRs and RBIs than Albert Pujols.

MIKE LEAKE, CIN (4/16) @ Pittsburgh- Sure Leake is not established, making this a bit more of a gamble. But he did do a good job of keeping the ball away from the Cubs' bats. Of course that was partly because he walked 7 Cubbies in 6.2 IP. And he skipped the minors altogether, so yes he is a bit of a wild card, but he has big upside, especially against the Buccos!

JAMIE GARCIA, STL (4/16) vs. New York- Garcia is another young gun with very little track record. The Mets are struggling and Oliver Perez is his opponent, so I like the chance for the "W".

JEREMY BONDERMAN, DET (4/16) @ Seattle- Bonderman looked sharp in his first start and will head into a great pitcher park against what has thus far been a punchless Mariners offense. The only downside to this, he's up against King Felix, so the "W" is by no means a "lock".

Not a ton of viable streaming options for Saturday and not a lot of probables shown for Sunday, so there!

That concludes our first "Fantasy Foofaraw" of the season, hope you enjoyed, and if not, well, it doesn't really matter.

BURNING QUESTIONS, BOLDISH PREDICTIONS AND OPENING NIGHT THOUGHTS

2010-04-05T05:47:00.000-07:00

The wait is over! Baseball is back and so is "Bitterness", with our burning questions and boldish predictions for the 2010 MLB season.

BURNING QUESTIONS

Is there anyone in the Cubs organization that should not be on the hot seat?
Can the "Pitcher Whisperer" Dave Duncan work his magic on Brad Penny?
Is anyone else not jumping on the Mariners bandwagon? Yes they have King Felix and Cliff Lee, but who's at the back end of that rotation?
And how is Carlos Silva in a Major League rotation?
What would ever, ever, ever possess Jayson Werth to shave off that gorgeous beard? Really the only thing I did not love about Jayson Werth was his weird beatnik soul patch thingamabob.
Where have you gone Rocky Biddle?
Why have I not been calling Tommy Hanson "Jump Street" sooner than now?
Can Brian Bannister be the next Mark Gubicza?
Do the Astros understand the term "scouting"?
Will anyone suffer more injuries than the Mets?
What's the over under on number of days Nick Johnson spends on the DL?
Can Jason Heyward actually hit the moon with a batted ball?
Will the Giants be able to scrape together enough runs to take the NL West?
Will anyone try to top Kyle Blanks' afro?
What is Billy Beane doing?
Has anyone asked Jamie Moyer how he used to pitch Babe Ruth?
Why would you build a new baseball field in Minnesota without at least a retractable roof?
Can everyone just cool it with all the "run prevention" talk when talking about the Red Sox?

BOLDISH PREDICTIONS

Jay Bruce will hit 40+ home runs.
Roy Halladay will not win 20 games, nor will he win the Cy Young award.
Tim Lincecum will not win the Cy Young award.
Joe Mauer will hit less than 25 homers.
Adrian Gonzalez will not still be a Padre after the trade deadline.
Javier Vazquez will spend time on the DL after incurring the wrath of CC when taking his last piece of pregame deep dish pizza.
The Mariners will not make the playoffs.
Tim McCarver will still be an old coot spittin' out all sortsa assinine.
Nick Johnson will get injured.
Curtis Granderson will hit less than 30 home runs.
Evan Longoria will drive in at least 125 runs.
Chan Ho Park will not last the whole season as a Yankee.
Zank Grienke will still be outstanding.
The Mets brass will try and hire Jack Klugman, TV's Quincy, MD to try and keep them healthy, but only after negotiations with Alan Alda break down. They will then realize that Mr. Klugman is no longer among the living. Dr. Quinn, stay by your phone.
Sean Rodriguez will be the American League Rookie of the Year.
Travis Snider will have a breakout year.
The A's, Pirates, Astros, Nationals and Royals will all have losing records.
The Orioles will win 80 games and finsh 4th in the AL East.
The Reds and Dodgers won't make the playoffs.
Milton Bradley will be ejected from 2 games this year.
Bobby Cox will be ejected from 4.
No more than 3 pitchers will win 20 or more games.
No fewer than 7 eating establishments in the greater D.C. area will have a Strasburger. And they will all feature extra cheese!

And now for some of your more "traditional" predictions:
AL East- Red Sox, Yankees, Rays, Orioles, Blue Jays
Al Central- White Sox, Twins, Tigers, Indians, Royals
Al West- Angels,Ranger, Mariners, Athletics

NL East- Phillies, Braves, Marlins, Mets, Nationals
NL Central- Cardinals, Cubs, Brewers, Reds, Astros, Pirates
NL West- Rockies, Giants, Dodgers, Diamonbacks, Padres

Wildcards- Yankees and Braves

ALCS- Red Sox over Yankees
NLCS- Phillies over Rockies

World Series- Red Sox over Phillies

AL MVP- Alex Rodriguez
NL MVP- Ryan Braun

AL Cy Young- Jake Peavy
NL Cy Young- Josh Johnson

AL ROY- Sean Rodriguez
NL ROY- Jason Heyward (how could ya not?)

OPENING NIGHT THOUGHTS

Neil Diamond performing "Sweet Caroline" live in the middle of the 8th inning with a sweet "Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn" jacket was as good as it gets!
Pretty nice having Pedro throw out the first pitch. I did not hear any "Who's Your Daddy?" chants.
Nice ovation for Mike Lowell.
The game itself was pretty exciting.
I predicted the Red Sox would win 8-6. Pretty close.
Yankees bullpen had a pretty shaky start. I'm just saying, Joe Girardi, Chan Ho Park may not be your best bet in any sort of clutch situation?
Why would ESPN blackout the game in Boston and New York? It was the only game on! Sunday Night Baseball is never blacked out. NEVER! Imagine my dismay when I went to watch the game this morning to see if I could spot myself in the crowd, only to find I had 3 hours of ESPN News on the DVR. Blast!
I did find $5 on the sidewalk on the way home. Jack....pot!
And of course this:

Go baseball, enjoy the season!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

2010-02-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

THE "BITTERNESS" RETURN IS NEAR!

WEEK FIVE: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD KITNA

2009-10-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

Due to some whathaveyous, I'm gonna have to kind of give you a quick hitting version of this week's picks. Not to worry though, next week "Bitterness" will reemerge with the thunder! Now on with the show!

VIKINGS @ RAMS: I cannot envision many scenarios in which the Rams would win this game. Um, let's see, if the Vikings starters are inflicted with swine flu, maybe, maybe the Rams will have a chance. So, barring any sort of plague befalling the Vikes, Rams will lose. Vikings 28-10

COWBOYS @ CHIEFS: Did you notice that, for the most part the one o'clock games are pretty lame? The Cowboys are about as inconsistent as they come right now. Well sort of. They beat bad teams and lose to teams that are mediocre or above. Using that rationale, I'd go with the 'Boys 38-21

REDSKINS @ PANTHERS: One of my favorite stats I've seen thus far this year, is that the Redskins have yet to face a team with a win. Not a winning record, a win. Giants (0-0), Rams (0-1), Lions (0-2), Bucs (0-3). And the trend continues with the winless Panthers this week. Unfortunately the 'Skins have not looked impressive in any of these games and Mark Rypien's not walking through that door. Panthers 24-20

BUCCANEERS @ EAGLES: Westbrook healthy + McNabb healthy + Jackson healthy= bad news for the Bucs. Eagles 31-17

RAIDERS @ GIANTS: Will Eli play or not? Will it matter? Giants 28-17

BROWNS @ BILLS: Well, someone's gotta win. Bills 24-20

BENGALS @ RAVENS: Probably the best early game going on Sunday. Bengals are the feel good story thus far, but the Ravens can change that in a hurry, bringing Cincy and their fans back to Earth for at least a week. Ravens 21-14

STEELERS @ LIONS: Get your tickets for the Duante Culpepper experience now, while they're still available. Steelers 31-21

FALCONS @ FORTY-NINERS: One of several intriguing four o'clock matchups. The Falcons are rested and have had to think about that clunker they had in Foxboro, but the Niners are playing inspired football. Niners 17-13

PATRIOTS @ BRONCOS: The Broncos are the most overrated 4-0 team out there. That's not to say they're not good, they just haven't proven it yet. The Patriots historically struggle in the mile-high air, and Josh McDaniels is a Belichik protege. Look for the lame duck handshake after Denver moves to 5-0. Broncos 17-13

TEXANS @ CARDINALS: This one has all the makings of a high falootin', gunslingin', all or nothinin', desert shootout. Cards 42-37

JAGUARS @ SEAHAWKS: Hey, what was with those electric green jersey the 'Hawks were sporting the other week? Um, Seahawks the World League of American Football called, they want their jerseys back. Seahawks 25-22

COLTS @ TITANS: Love that people want to bench Kerry Collins for Vince Young. I can't say it's an all out terrible idea. I mean if anything he adds a different dimension the defense has to account for, and no I don't mean "suckiness". Honestly I don't see what they have to lose? If they lose everyone will be critical of whatever Jeff Fisher does anyway, might as well look like your trying to do something. They're already four games back in the division, with 12 to play, for Pete sake! Colts 34-24

JETS @ DOLPHINS: I realize the Dolphins did some thing last year, but this is already the second time they've been on Monday night! And both games in Miami, on that atrocious looking field? That's just makes me mad. Come on! Jets 21-17

And now your Cheeeeeeeese!

WEEK FOUR: WHY DID I NEVER CALL KITNA "KIT-KAT"?

2009-10-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

RAIDERS @ TEXANS: The Texans are not a playoff team. I said it before the season started, and I am saying it again now. Of course you don't need to be a playoff contender to beat the Raiders, because they are not good at football. Is it just me or does it get harder and harder, week after week, to figure out exactly why the Raiders cut Jeff Garcia loose? Texans 27-10

TITANS @ JAGUARS: Time to panic in Tennessee? Possibly. If they lose to the Jags they may as well call it a season. This is an absolute, without a doubt, no question about it, bread and butter, black and white, must win game for the Titans. And like the Titans of yore, win they shall! Titans 24-17

RAVENS @ PATRIOTS: This one fixes to be a good old-fashioned boondoggle! Whatever the heck that means? Did the Patriots really prove themselves against the Falcons? Did they? Did they? DID THEY?! Maybe. But the Ravens are running on all cylinders. Every single cylinder. There is not one cylinder, NOT ONE, that they are not running on. Ravens 24-20

BENGALS @ BROWNS: Wow! What a surprise win by the Bengals last week, right? Oh wait, that was my upset special last week. Boom. The Bengals are better than most people think, but let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here, it's a long season, and I don't think the playoffs are in their immediate future. But what I really want to talk about is the utter putridity (I may have invented that word) that is the Cleveland Browns. More to the point, Mangini-us. How quick the tables can turn. It was only a couple years ago that the "genius" label was bestowed upon the young Mangini and now he is quite possibly the worst coaching hire in the last quarter century, and that includes Rich Kotite! And now he has replaced Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman with "Dandy" Derek Anderson. Or has he? Could this be another Mangini-sized rouse? A cunning attempt to trick the Bengals? Not only does Mr. Mangini seem in over his head most of the time, but he just seems to suck the life and happiness out of everything that is supposed to be fun, sort of like a dementor. He almost, almost, makes Bill Belichik look whimsical. Bengals 28-6

GIANTS @ CHIEFS: Tough to say how good the Giants really are. They beat the Redskins, who could very well be 0-3, the Bucs, who are 0-3, and the Cowboys, who are inconsistent at best. The path to 5-0 is pretty much paved in gold. Chiefs this week, Raiders next week. Current combined record of the Giants' first five opponents, 4-11. And one of those wins was because the Chiefs played the Raiders, and, well, one of them was likely to win that matchup. The another win was because the Cowboys played the Bucs. So those head-to-head matchups aside, makes that record 2-11. Seems like it's good to be the G-Men. The Giants that is. I am unaware if it is good to be the FBI. Giants 34-17

And now the lightning round, where the dollar values can really double!

LIONS @ BEARS: If the Lions win a game and nobody's watching, does it still count? I don't see that win over the 'Skins escalating into any sort of, what's the word, "streak"? Bears 27-18

BUCCANEERS @ REDSKINS: If there was any a time for Raheem "The Dream" to get his first win as a head coach, seems like this would be it. Even the 'Skins can't be that bad. Can they? Skins 21-12

SEAHAWKS @ COLTS: Seneca Wallace versus Peyton Manning. Hardly an epic matchup. Colts 31-17

JETS @ SAINTS: Probably the most intriguing matchup of the week. Good offense versus good defense. Well you know the old saying, "Offense wins games, defense wins championships." We'll see. Saints 24-20

BILLS @ DOLPHINS: The Bills secondary is battered up. If the already weak Miami passing game, wasn't starting a rookie at QB, I'd be concerned for the Billsies. Bills 17-10

NINERS @ RAMS: I think the Rams might get "creamed" with Glenn Coffee this week. 49ers 23-9

COWBOYS @ BRONCOS: A Broncos win could earn them a smidge of respectabilty, who knows. The point should be moot. Cowboys 28-20

CHARGERS @ STEELERS: Both of these teams are sort of shambles of their former selves right now. Philip Rivers probably won't throw for 400 yards in this one. Or maybe he will? I dunno. Steelers 24-21

PACKERS @ VIKINGS: Ah, the matchup many people circled on their NFL schedule, calendars. It's always a big moment when you take on a former teammate, in primetime, for the division lead. And when the Packers head to Minnesota to face former Packer legend Ryan Longwell, it will be no different. Packers 27-23

And now your cheese.....hats:

2009-09-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

So, last week, was not so good, pick wise. So this week will definitely, possibly, maybe be better.

TITANS@ JETS: A good ol' clash of titans.....and Jets. Or is it? After letting Big Ben pick them apart at the end of the opener, the Titans proceeded to go out and get stumped by "the Schaub", wasting Chris Johnson's big day. Some say it's because there's no more Phat Albert Haynesworth, others say it's due to Jim Schwartz moving to the Lions' den. Me? Well it could be a bit of both, but what do I really think it is? Curse of Steve McNair. What?! Too soon? Titans 13-12

JAGUARS @ TEXANS: Houston, we have a problem. Sure the Texans beat the Titans last week, but how far can they go with this "defense"? First the Jets ran all over them, then the Titans. And what in the name of Kailee Wong was going on when Chris Johnson was just left out wide, all by his lonesome?! Absolutely ridiculous! So look for a big day out of Maurice Jones-Drew in a losing effort as "the Schaub" rolls up the yards and points. Texans 34-23

CHIEFS @ EAGLES: The Eagles defense should be hungry for redemption after Drew Brees lit them up last week. McNabb or no McNabb, that's bad news for Todd Haley and the Chiefs. Eagles 27-13

BROWNS @ RAVENS: Threw the Browns into CAM (Create an Adjective Machine) and it gave us, ungood, uberfutilous, and superawfulicious. Really paints a picture, don't it? The Browns are worse than bad and right now draw comparisons to certain other brown things. And we're not talking about Whatchamacalits, either. Ravens 31-9

GIANTS @ BUCCANEERS: Finally the epic, highly anticipated, kill or be killed, Derrick Ward Bowl I! No? Alright how about the "Most People Could Care Less and Forgot Derrick Ward Wasn't Playing for the Giants, Because Most People Confuse Him With Ahmad Bradshaw Anyway Bowl"? Seems wordy. I'm still not confident in Eli Manning, but I'm less confident in the Buccaneers. Giants 28-17

REDSKINS @ LIONS: Children of the Zorn have not exactly been an offensive juggernaut thus far, making this the trendy upset pick of the week. There's just something in my gut that tells me this isn't the week for the Lions. Of course that feeling could just be indigestion, who knows. Redskins 21-17

PACKERS @ RAMS: So, I picked the Packers to win the Super Bowl, and thus far they are making me look like a simp. But, BUT, this is the week where they turn it all around. Barely beating the Bears? In the past. Losing to the Bengals at home? Forget it! The new season starts Sunday for the Pack, where they will play like a well oiled machine and come 2010, make me look like Notre Damus! Or something to that extent. Packers 35-10

49ERS @ VIKINGS: One of the tougher games to pick this week. A few thoughts here:

Settle down Vikings fans, they beat the Browns and the Lions.
If the Vikings don't start protecting Brett Favre, they'll be seeing the highly scorned Tavarius Jackson, sooner, rather than later. (Jackson has been so insignificant, I'm not even sure I spelled his first name correctly and I'm not gonna look it up!)
May not mean anything, but the Niners have now one six of their last seven under Mike Singletary.
Brad Childress may just be a "D-bag". More to come on that.
Fact! This will not be a shootout.
Vikings 16-13

FALCONS @ PATRIOTS: Now this could be a shootout! Matty Ice's triumphant return to New England and he has been showing a great deal of poise. The Patriots need to prove they are still a tough draw, while the "dirty birds" need to prove they are the real deal. This could also be your typical Patriots statement game. Or not. Should be a fun though. Falcons 31-27

SEAHAWKS @ BEARS: Yeah, so remember when I said as long as Matt Hasselbeck was healthy the Seahawks would dominate the NFC West. I stand by that statement. Bears 24-21

SAINTS @ BILLS: Nothing like a game against the Bucs to right the ship, eh Dick Jauron? Now you can really get things rolling! It's not like you have the highest powered offense in the NFL coming to, oh, wait a tick. The Saints come marching into town Sunday, and Mark Kelso is not walking through that door! Saints 35-27

DOLPHINS @ CHARGERS: In week two, Philip Rivers threw for four-hundred some odd yards against the Ravens....and lost. The Dolphins had the ball for like eighty something percent of the game against the Colts....and lost. Interesting. Chargers 28-24

STEELERS @ BENGALS: Hard to believe, but if not for one miraculous play the Bengals would be 2-0. The Bengals are peskier than street urchins. Trust me, I know. They have pretty much shut down opposing running backs. And that list of running backs includes the one and only Correll Buckhalter, so they are for real. This does not bode will for "Not So Fast" Willie Parker. The Bengals are my upset special of week three. Bengals 27-21

BRONCOS @ RAIDERS: Is there a less intimidating 2-0 team than the Broncos? I submit that there is not! They could very well become the least intimidating 3-0 team ever if they can beat the Raiders. That's probably not asking very much, since JaMarcus Russell is the worst QB in the NFL. Broncos 17-6

COLTS @ CARDINALS: Peyton and the Colts offense should be on the field for more than in Miami. Bad news for the Cardinals. Colts 31-24

PANTHERS @ COWBOYS: They're calling this one the Maligned Quarterback Bowl! Okay, no one is calling that, but it is catchy, don't ya think? No? Eh. Despite the fact the Cowboys have never one a regular season game at Big TV Stadium, I think they'll be alrightish enough to beat the Panthers. Cowboys 28-23

And now you're cheese:

WEEK TWO: DELHOMME ON THE RANGE?

2009-09-18T03:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lateness of this weeks picks, but you'll get over it. In some ways week two is even harder to pick than week one. So many questions arise after week one. Will the Texans be this bad all year? Will "Fast" Willie Parker consistently get past the line of scrimmage? Is Jake Delhomme done being decentish? Are the Dolphins headed south? Is Dick Jauron eating? Is the rest of the AFC West catching up to the Chargers faster than we think? Well, we may or may not know the answers to these questions just yet, but we will soon enough. On with the picks!

TEXANS @ TITANS: Can't say I completely understand Chuck Cecil's defensive play calling towards the end of regulation and overtime against the Steelers, but "Chuck Wagon" will have a chance at redemption against the not-so-high-flying Texans in the Titan home opener. The Texans looked utterly baffled by the Jet 3-4 defense and Mark "Not so dirty" Sanchez in week one. Look for another rough week for Steve Slaton, against a very stingy Titan "D", while Chris Johnson and LenDale White run amok. Maybe this week Dunta Robinson can write "Throw it towards me Kerry" on his shoes, since his man will probably be open. Titans 24-17

RAIDERS @ CHIEFS: These two squads share quite a few similarities in this young season. 1) Play in the AFC West, 2) Coached by inexperienced head coaches 3) Predicted to suck, a lot, 4) Were double digit underdogs in week one, 4) Played a lot better than people expected in week one. Now if "Sandy" Cassel can start this week, it'll make some sort of difference, but the "Cable Guy", has got the "Silver and Black" fired up for the first time in like seven years. Plus Tom Cable, at certain angles, resembles Walter Sobchak. It's only a matter of time before an opposing team jumps offsides and he gives the refs an, "OVER THE LINE!" Raiders 27-24 (seems like a boring score until I tell you it's all field goals.)

PATRIOTS @ JETS: Rex Ryan's not going to be kissing any of the Patriots rings this week in the Meadowlands. Huh? Is that general practice? I get what you're saying Rex, but we need to work on your trash talk. Maybe you could have gone with something simple like, "We ain't scared of them." or "Bring it on." (Little known fact: Rex Ryan actually makes his team watch the cinematic classic "Bring it on" nights before games to fire them up. So far he's 1-0 using the uplifting Kirsten Dunst flick, so don't laugh.) Patriots 28-27

BENGALS @ PACKERS: A lot of people, myself included, thought this could be the year of the Bengal, until we checked our Chinese calendars and realized we were in fact wrong. Sure, it did take a miraculous, and extremely lucky, play by the Broncos to beat the Bengals last week, but seven points? SEVEN?! Carson Palmer was back. Maybe not at 100%, but he was back! He should have picked apart that porous Broncos secondary! That was a game the Bengals needed to have, what with a trip to Lambeau looming. Instead it looks like an 0-2 hole coming up for the 'Gals. Packers 30-20

PANTHERS @ FALCONS: Last year in the playoffs Jake Delhomme played one of the worst games a QB could play, until last week, when he upped the ante, playing even worse. Now, Panthers fans, I can understand your frustration, but remember, he did guide your favorite team to a 12-4 record and a playoff birth just last year. He has led them to a Super Bowl. And last week was the first week of the season. Sure that shouldn't be an excuse, but yet, inevitably players will come out and play terribly in opening games, year after year. Call it jitters, call it unreadiness (not a word), call it "Al", doesn't matter. I get it, he could have got a lot of cash for the clunkers he's thrown up there in the last two games. But they were separated by eight months. EIGHT MONTHS! I could understand if it happened in back-to-back weeks, but for now Panthers fans, Jerome Bettis, can we kindly just step away from the panic button, and see what happens? Give the guy a chance at redemption! After all he has given this storied franchise, it's the least you could do. Falcons 24-20

SAINTS @ EAGLES: Even if McNabb plays, Eagles fans can't possibly be sold on him being his usual self. The Eagles defense will keep them in the game, but in the end Drew Brees will just be too darned much for them. Saints 28-24

RAMS @ REDSKINS: Not even sure there's a bright side right now for Rams fans. Um, let's see. Oh, I got it, the Blues' season starts in less than two weeks! Although I guess if you're a Rams fan, the "blues" started some time ago. Zing! 'Skins 27-10

VIKINGS @ LIONS: The good news is the Lions seemed much improved from last year. The bad news is they're still bad. It'll be closer than you think, but when you have Adrian Peterson at your disposal, you tend to win close games. Vikings 21-17

CARDINALS @ JAGUARS: I don't buy into that whole,"west coast teams can't win in the eastern time zone" baloney sandwich they keep serving us. Isn't it possible they just aren't as good as the east coast teams they are playing? look at the five 2008, regular season, eastern time zone losses for the Cardinals- Redskins, Jets, Panthers, Eagles, Patriots. Of those five teams, only the Redskins had a worse record, but they were 8-8, exactly one game worse than the Cardinals. Plus, didn't the Cardinals win in Carolina in the playoffs? Having said that, I'm picking the Jaguars 24-23

BUCCANEERS @ BILLS: Is it just me or does Dick Jauron need to eat something? A couple of times they cut to his hollowed visage, I thought, “If you paint him Boo Berry Blue, he'd look like Skeletor.” Anyway, by the power of Jerry Gray's skull, the defense looked solid on Monday. The special teams, well.....no, I am not going to rehash what happened on Monday night. Bills fans don't need to here it. I'm not gonna bring up the fact they were riding the gravy train with biscuit wheels to victory against the dynastic Patriots. No, because I have class goddammit! Class enough to not mention that Leodis McKelvin should have taken a touchback late in the game or at the very least have just gone down, rather than fight for another unimportant yard, once out of the endzone. Bills fans don't need to be reminded of that or the fact that he fumbled, allowing the Butt Chinned One to need only 31 yards in under two minutes to take a lead they would never relinquish. No, I am not going to talk about any of that! I have too much respect for Bills fans (well the ones I know, at least) to do that to them. That's in the past, my friends, stop bringing it up already, jeez! Time to move on, the Bucs are coming to town, and that's good news Bills fans, because when I plugged the Bucs into my new "Create an Adjective Machine (CAM)” it gave me the word, abysmalistic! Bills 27-14

SEAHAWKS @ 49ERS: Uh-oh, a battle for first place in the NFC West! The Niners may prove all sorts of feisty this year, but in my humble opinion, with a healthy Hasselback, the Seahawks are once again the class of the NFC West. And yes, I have very little to say about either team. Seahawks 21-13.

BROWNS @ BRONCOS: Tough to say if there's a less watchable game this week. I submit that there is not! Yes, it's a battle of Belichik disciples, but that's hardly compelling. Surprised Mangini-us hasn't withheld who his starting QB will be, this week. Although it didn't seem the Vikings needed more than a couple of days to prepare for the Mighty Quinn, go figure? Anyone else think Mangini-us is over-thinking things a bit? I think this may actually be both the least watchable and the hardest to pick game of the week. Honestly, does anyone want to watch this? I thought not. I'm picking the Broncos, only because they're at home. Broncos 9-3

BEARS @ STEELERS: No Urlacher, no Polamalu, no worries! Yes both defenses will be without their lead actors, but they have a decent ensemble cast.. Even better than the ensemble cast of Soapdish! In any event, the QBs will take plenty of the match-up hype in this one. Something tells me the Bears might not lay down on defense if this one is close late, but Jay Cutler is up against more 3-4 shenanigans, which is Bad News Bears, Walter Matthau, for him! Steelers 22-13

RAVENS @ CHARGERS: The Bolts were not all that impressive against the simplistic Man-Safety Raiders defense thrown at them on Monday night. I know, it was a Man-Safety defense because Steve Young mentioned it 700 times in the first half. It's a rough estimate, I didn't actually count. You'd think the Ravens would offer up a slightly more complex defensive game plan, although Brodie Croyle and the Chieves made things a bit Jim J. Bullock, or too close for comfort, on Sunday. But the Ravens did provide us with another great moment in sports gambling history, inexplicably going for another touchdown, late, with the game seemingly in hand, to just beat out that 13-point spread. The Baltimore underworld thanks you Jon “don't call me Jim” Harbaugh. Ravens 28-24

GIANTS @ COWBOYS: Considering “Yugo” Williams and company ran all over the Boys in week one, Brandon Jacobs should have no trouble bowling over them in week two. I wonder if Romo or Eli, upon seeing intense coverage down field will try and hit the Jumbotron, to get a replayed down. Just want to see one of them hurt there arm, is that too much to ask? Ah well, Giants 27-21

COLTS @ DOLPHINS: The Colts juuuuuust edged out the Jags last week, but should have less trouble with the other Floridian squad. Meanwhile the 'Phins are looking to rebound from their week one loss in Hotlanta. I don't see it happening, not with Chad Pennington anyway. Colts 31-14

And here's your cheese:

FUTILE FIFTEEN

2009-09-17T15:52:00.000-07:00

15. McNabb's Ribs- Sound like a place I'd go for some good ol' fashioned BBQ, but alas it is not. D-Nabb's ribs, cracked, broke or whatever, should not be tested in Week 2. I'm no doctor, but it seems like it'd be hard to throw a football with rib problems.

14. Jay Cutler Hype- I've said it before and I'll say it again, what exactly has Jay Cutler shown us? Maybe, just maybe, he's an upgrade from Kyle Orton, but really, who isn't?

13. Wildcat- Really I'm just sick of hearing about the "Wildcat". Formations like this and similar to this have been around for ages, but someone has sustained success (game and half or so), gives it a name, and it becomes all the rage. Blah!

12. Eric Mangini- Seems like the Vikings didn't need more than a few days to prepare for Brady Quinn. One can only imagine what would have happened with Derek Anderson at the helm. Does anyone else think Mangini-us is just overthinking everything to find a competitive edge?

11. Texans- The Jets are improved yes, but the Texans just looked baffled out there on Sunday.

10. Reggie Bush- Someday he's gonna prove he can be an RB1, but that seems to be a long way off.

9. Lions- Although improved, losing your 18th game in a row, is still futile.

8. Jon Gruden- Overall, seems to be a nice addition to the booth, but he called Matt Light, Todd Lyght at least three times on Monday night.

7. Todd Lyght- Poor guy's been retired for quite some time now, and he's getting blamed for pressure on Tom Brady. That and from his name you'd think he was white. And I got him confused with Todd Houlihan!

6. Mike and Mike and Steve- Didn't watch the whole game, but what I heard was more than enough for me to not want to listen. Is it just me or does Mike Greenberg have the perfect voice for print media?

5. Buccaneers- They're just not good.

4. Pittsburgh running game- Well Willie Parker got to the line "fast", but tough to gage his speed from that.

3. Chuck Cecil- Maybe there's someone out there who can explain why he stopped applying pressure to Ben Roethlisberger late in the game?

2. Jake Delhomme- Anyone who watched the Carolina game or just read JD's line, knows what I'm talkign about.

1. Leodis McKelvin- Nothing like making a dumb play to, for all intents and purposes, cost your team the game, and have no remorse about it. The thing about this is, Bobby Avril is one of the best Special Teams coaches there is, and I can't imagine he didn't tell Leodis to take a touchback if he could. Am I right? Sure, no guarantee the Bills win anyway, but the odds are probably a lot better, if you don't give Tom Brady the ball at your 31-yard line with about two minutes left.

SUNDAY MORNING AUDIBLE: COOL YOUR JETS

2009-09-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

It's finally here! The games now have some sort of meaning. Sure, there was a game played already, but us true football fans know that today is the day when it really gets going! But here are some other truths you should be prepared for as we sit less than two hours away from football:

Prepare to have your mind blown. I guarantee you, at least 3 things will surpirse you in Week 1.
Brett Favre will have a decent game, win against the Browns, and start up the Favre praise-a-tron 3000. Let's everyone just settle down before it happens. He's playing THE BROWNS! Also he has Adrian Peterson! Let's not go through last year again, where everyone lauded him for beating the Dolphins, mostly because his receivers bailed him out a couple of times. So please, can we just stop this before it starts?
Be ready to hear the term "Wildcat" uttered some hundred and seventy odd times. Now remember plenty of teams used versions of the "Wildcat", the Dolphins just used it more, because, well, their standard offense, um, sucked.
Week one is so meaningful and yet so meaningless. I picked the Colts and Eagles to be upset in week one. If this or any other upset occurs, the talking heads, not the band, will be eager to point out all the flaws in said upsetee, and wonder if they are in trouble. Sure, they may be in trouble, but let's wait it out, shall we? Remember last year when the Colts lost the opener, and then barely escaped going 0-2? People were all up in arms, "The Colts aren't the same, they'll have trouble making the playoffs, yada, yada, yada." And lo and behold, somehow they managed to make the playoffs.
The Dolphins will not be as good as last year, and not just because people are "ready" for the "wildcat", but because they're not good.
Somewhere a first year coach will win a game. Read nothing into this.
If I'm right and the Colts do lose, the media will say it's because Tony Dungy and Marvin Harrison are gone. But there's a chance they could have lost this game with Dungy and Harrison. Who really knows?
Eric Mangini, and the rest of the football watching world, will realize the Vikings didn't need more than a week to prepare for Brady Quinn.
Chad Ochocinco will score a touchdown, and somehow incorporate insulting Skip Bayless in his celebration.
Pizza Hut will continue to boggle the mind with their "celebrity" endorsers. Tommy Davidson too big for "the Hut", BOOM, enter Jim Breuer. So who could be on-deck? Breckin Meyer? Shirtless Guttenberg, perhaps?
Shannon Sharpe will sputter more sentence fragments than any other announcer out there.
Matt Cassel won't start for Kansas City. Well, now they won't beat the Ravens. Try and note the sarcasm.
Drew Brees will throw for 427 yds and 3 tds against the Lions. Yes his numbers will be down, cause he will sit out the fourth quarter.
The Redskins and Giants will bore the ever-loving crap out of anyone watching. If you like running between the tackles, inconsistent passers, field position battles and pooch punts, you'll love Giants-Redskins!
The Buccaneers will be the least relevant fantasy team. Seriously, if you're starting a Buc, you're probably in trouble.

Well, that concludes our first Sunday Morning Audibles of the season, enjoy the games!

WEEK ONE: WHERE'S KITNA?

2009-09-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

You've waited and waited and it's here, it's finally here! The football season is practically upon us and with it your much anticipated, highly beloved, "Bitterness" weekly picks! Please, control your excitement, sit back, stop scouring the internet for the collector's edition DVD of "Inside Schwartz" and enjoy! (record in parentheses are our predicted records for the upcoming season)

TENNESSEE (10-6) @ PITTSBURGH (12-4): The Steelers title defense begins Thursday at the Ketchup Packet against the Titans. I don't anticipate this one being a high scoring affair. The Titans will miss "Phat" Albert Haynesworth, sure, but they should still be pretty tough defensively. That being said, I don't think they can "out Steeler" the Steelers in week 1. If this game took place in, say, week eight or nine, or in Tennessee, than maybe I'd give the Titans a better chance. Plus I just don't see Kerry Collins shredding the 'Burgh's "D", now, or ever. It'll be close, but the Champs will be the first team to one win. Steelers 24-17

DOLPHINS (6-10) @ FALCONS (11-5): A matchup of two of last year's surprise teams. As you can see from my predicted records, I feel one of these teams will come crashing back down to earth. The Dolphins will not build on last year's success, win the division, make the playoffs or even finish .500. And no, it's not just cause everyone has had time to prepare for the "Wildcat" (fun drinking game for the upcoming season, drink every time you here an announcer say "Wildcat"), but simply because the Dolphins just won't be as good. Not that the likes of Chad Pennington, Ronnie Brown, Greg Camarillo, Ted Ginn, Jr., and Anthony Fasano aren't an intimidating offense....The Falcons on the other hand are more of the real deal, I think. The addition of Tony Gonzalez, can only help Matty Ice, especially in the Red Zone. Seems like I'd pick the Falcons to blow the Dolphins right outta of the Georgia Dome, but it's week one, and that's where perceptions get blown to smithereens, sooooo.....I'll have the Dirty Birds escaping by the skin of their teeth. Falcons 21-20

CHIEVES (5-11) @ RAVENS (10-6): Everyone needs to just cool their jets on the whole Sand Cassel hypitty-hype, okay? In my mind, he's proven diddily-squat. Last year's numbers were a result of a GOOD "SYSTEM"! He now has a mediocre, at best, offensive line, a disgruntled Larry Johnson and Dwayne Bowe. Yes, THE Dwayne Bowe. Hardly the fixins for a Playoff gravy train, if you ask me. The Ravens, will be the Ravens. Yes Rex Ryan is gone, but the defense is still Top 5 and Ray Rice is gonna run silly. As in he will run for a lot of yards, not in a silly looking manner. Plus Joe Flacco "Seagulls" (thanks Bill), in theory, should only get better, especially with Todd Heap-ing Helping returning to form.
Ravens 24-13

EAGLES (10-6) @ PANTHERS (8-8): Hopes are high yet again in Philly, and that is somewhat warranted, but McNabb and Westbrook are old by NFL standards. They'll be competitive as usual, but don't go expecting a Super Bowl title or anything fancy like that. Meanwhile, don't sleep on the Panthers. I have them going 8-8, but anything can happen in that wacky NFC South. If Jakey D stays healthy the Panthers could, COULD, turn some heads. I really think they could be anywhere from 6-10 to 11-5. Panthers 27-21

BRONCOS (4-12) @ BENGALS (8-8): Watch out for the Bengals! Remember when the Bengals were the up and coming team of the future? That seemed to fade pretty fast, which means it's the perfect time for Cincy to sneak up on the rest of the league. The Broncos, however, will not be sneaking up anyone. Are they really ready to build an offense around Kyle Orton? But, Josh McD made "Sandy" Cassel look good in New England, so who knows, maybe he can make Orton, extra-Ortonary? And people make a lot out of the former Pats coaches, but what have they done? Mangini was run out of NY, Romeo Crennel did nothing in Cleveland, Charlie Weis helped guide Notre Dame to one of their worst seasons ever. Hardly a stellar selling point. I'll remain skeptical for now. Bengals 35-20

VIKINGS (11-5) @ BROWNS (3-13): Has anyone tarnished their legacy, more than Brett Favre? Remember the Vikes made the playoffs last year, with limited help from the quarterback position, so Favre makes them a borderline Super Bowl contender, now that opposing defenses will have to respect the pass, as well as the run. And they better be a contender, since Favre is a one and done, and they have pretty much insulted their other QBs. The Browns were, the "it" team heading into last season, but they ended up being more of a sh-, well you know. Can Mangenius turn this around? Not this year. Peterson runs wild! Vikings 23-9

JETS (7-9) @ TEXANS (9-7): The Texans should be a tough draw, week in and week out, for sure. Schaub, Slaton and Johnson make for a potent offense, while Ryans and Williams anchor what should be a pretty solid defense. The Jets should also have a stellar defense under Rex Ryan, but the quaterback situation is, well, not so great. Now, I'll try not to dirty Sanchez's reputation too early, but personally I'm not sold on the former Trojan man in any way, shape or form. Texans 28-14

JAGUARS (6-10) @ COLTS (11-5): Seems like not too long ago, this was a premiere AFC South slugfest, buuuuuuuuuut......The Jaguars have been heading in the wrong direction for quite some time now. Inconsisteny has been the main problem in Jacksonville, but they hope to have improved the team chemistry in the offseason to help with that. The Colts are, still the Colts, even with Jim Caldwell at the helm. Now, this is the game to get the Colts, I feel. That is why I am making this my week one UPSET SPECIAL! Jaguars 17-16

LIONS (3-13)@ SAINTS (11-5): Yes, I have more than likely, highly, overrated the Saints, but they are, I believe, very good. Drew Brees will take another whack at the passing yardage record, and the defense with Gregg Williams should be more than passable. Then there's the Lions. Ah, the Lions. The NFL's favorite punchline. The good news is the Lions should be better than last year. The bad news is, they'll still be bad, since it would be almost impossible to be worse than last year. But more good news for Matthew Stafford and Jim "Inside" Schwartz, as expectations are low, since they literally can't lose more games than last year's team. Sounds great. Saints 38-17

COWBOYS (11-5)@ BUCCANEERS (3-13): The 'Boys should be good, but not great, just like the last few years. No more T.O., no more Pacman, no more Q-bert. The only thing keeping Dallas from being serious contenders, in my mind, is Wade Phillips. Seems like a nice guy, but I don't think he's got the killer instinct to take them to the next level. I may have given the Bucs more wins thna they'll actually get. There's a good chance they'll be atrocious. But, the future is bright! Jon Gruden thinks Josh Freeman will be the "toast of Tampa" late in the season. Of course Jon Gruden also had me sold on Bruce Gradkowski , and, well, let's just say that didn't really pan out.......Cowboys 27-16

49ERS (4-12) @ ARIZONA (10-6): The Cardinals have high expectations after last year's Super Bowl trip, and should be able to avoid a let down this year. But a lot if that depends on Kurt Warner and if he can make it through another entire season. If he does they are once again a high-flying offense, with playoff aspirations. I'm not gonna sugar coat this, but The Niners don't have a lot of positives. But hey, if Michael Crabtree ever signs, he could provide a minor spark? I dunno, I tried San Franciscans. Cardinals 31-17

REDSKINS (6-10) @ GIANTS (11-5): This should be another exciting Redskins-Giants opener. The G-men should harass Jason Campbell and make him look even worse than he is, which is no easy task. Eli's overrated, but the defense and running game should help overshadow that in week one and, well, most of the season. Jason Campbell will have that luxury as well, but too a lesser extent. Giants 17-9

RAMS (1-15) @ SEAHAWKS (11-5): I'd call the Seahawks a sleeper pick, but I think plenty of people are aware of them, and hence, not sleeping on them. If Hasslebeck and his receivers manage to stay healthy, this is the team to beat in the NFC West. The Rams are gonna be at least as bad as last year. In all honesty I struggled to find them a win at this point, so it won't take much for them to surprise me. Seahawks 38-17

BEARS (10-6) @ PACKERS (12-4): I, among others, am high on the Packers, which means they will more than likely go 6-10 and not make the playoffs. But seriously, this is the year Aaron Rodgers makes Green Bay forget all about Brett Favre. Until the Packers play the Vikings in week four on Monday Night Football. The Bears are solid, but are the third best team in this division. And when did Jay Cutler become a savior? Has he ever proven himself? I'm not entirely sold on Jay-C as a clutch QB, but I'll guess we'll find out pretty quickly, how good he his, going to Lambeau on Sunday night, then hosting the Steelers in week two. Packers 20-12

BILLS (4-12) @ PATRIOTS (13-3): If Tom Brady goes down again, the Patriots could probably still win the AFC East this year. The Bills can really only surprise me from here. Their preseason was less than impressive, and they fired their OC days before the season starts. They have T.O., but can Trent Edwards keep him happy? More importantly can the Bills keep the fans happy? My guess is no, and this could be the beginning of the end for Dick Jauron, and the beginning of the beginning for Alex Van Pelt. Just give him a clipboard and let him create. Patriots 28-9

CHARGERS (11-5) @ RAIDERS (3-13): I do like that they give us two Monday night openers these days, but the drawback is the second game has to be in the Pacific time zone and too many times we get stuck with the Raiders. Now granted, a high profile matchup would only anger us East Coasters, cause we would want to stay up and watch it, so I guess it's lose-lose for ESPN. Maybe they should just go back to one game? I'm just saying, it doesn't do anyone anyone any good to add a game just for the sake of adding it. Does anyone think this will be a good game? Did anyone circle it on the schedule as a must watch? Did anyone notice how I avoided really talking about either of these teams in this blurb? Is blurb the right word for this? Do you care? Do I still have your attention? Do I still care at this point in the post? Chargers 31-10

And now my season predictions (asterisks indicate wild cards):
AFC East: Pats (13-3), Jets (7-9),'Phins (6-10), Bills (4-12)
AFC North: Steelers (13-3), *Ravens (11-5), Bengals (8-8), Browns (3-13)
AFC South: Colts (11-5), *Titans (10-6), Texans (9-7), Jags (6-10)
AFC West: Bolts (11-5), Chiefs (5-11), Broncos (4-12), Raiders (3-13)

NFC East: Giants (11-5), *Cowboys (11-5), Eagles (10-6), 'Skins (6-10)
NFC North: Pack (12-4), *Vikes (11-5), Bears (10-6), Lions (3-13)
NFC South: Saints (12-4), Falcons (10-6), Panthers (6-10), Bucs (3-13)
NFC West: Seahawks (11-5), Cardinals (10-6), 49ers (4-12), Rams (1-15)

AFC Championship: Chargers over Steelers
NFC Championship: Packers over Seahawks

Super Bowl: Packers over Chargers

If you're mad about any of my predictions, just remember my preseason picks, are rarely correct.

And now your cheese:

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT A-ROD

2009-08-04T22:41:00.000-07:00

A now a very special "Bitterness" post, where I list all the things I like about A-Rod. So here we go:

And this has been things I like about A-Rod.

CIRCUS ACTA

2009-07-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

Finally! Finally, the Nationals let that dead weight, known as Manny Acta, go. I think I can speak for every member of National Nation, when I say, it is about frickin' time! You can only give a man so many chances. Manny Acta couldn't win despite being handed all the tools to make it happen.

Terrible General Manager? Check.

Awful farm system? You betcha.

More corner outfielders to clog the basepaths than you can wag a stick at? Most definitely.

Young malcontents? Of course.

An ace to carry the pitching staff? Um, hell-ooooo, John Lannan

Solid bullpen? Two words....Joel Hanrahan

The point here, is it's Crystal Pepsi clear that Manny Acta was given every chance possible to succeed. I mean how long could this go on for?

At some point the Nats front office had to be all, "Alright, we can't take anymore. How many more weapons can we give him to fritter away? It's like we've got the perfect blueprint for a top notch house, but our contractor doesn't know where the walls go! Honestly people, I cannot think of another major league manager who could not win with what we're giving him! It's ri-galdarn-diculous! He is ruining this storied franchise!"

So, fare-the-well Manny Acta. I don't know how you lasted this long, or how you will ever get another job in baseball, after ruining the sport altogether, in our nation's capital? But best of luck to ya, wherever you may land.

ROID RAGE

2009-07-07T11:40:00.000-07:00

I am furious at Raul Ibanez! You read that correctly. Now don't get the wrong idea, I have been a fan of Raul Ibanez since he first burst onto the scene with the Royals. Anyone who had him on their fantasy team that year, was certainly a lucky duck. But I am so ticked at Mr. Ibanez, and let me tell you why.

A few weeks ago, the curious case of Raul Ibanez was examined, in-depth, in the blogosphere. Raul Ibanez was off to an absolutely torrid start, which basically led to the inevitable Performance Enhancer question. Why wouldn't it? Although if you read Joe Posnaski's take, you may wanna hold your judgments. But I am not here to throw Raul Ibanez in a lake and see if he can swim. No, no, I am here to help Raul Ibanez redirect his anger.

You see, poor Raul's fast start was somewhat called in to question here by JRod of the Midwest Sports Fan Blog. Now if you really read it, the author of the blog is really giving Mr. Ibanez the benefit of the doubt for the most part. He does not flat out say, "get a urine sample, cause Ibanez is cheating." He says several times that the sample size is too small and he is correct.

Of course Mr. Ibanez issued a statement denying he has ever used any sort of performance enhancing drug or supplement. But he also went to the big old bag of athlete cliches and came out with the, "who cares what this guy thinks? He's just writing a blog from his parents' basement" attack.

It is a classic, for sure, but what Raul and other athletes need to first realize is that people can actually use computers in lots of places. For, example I am typing this from the living room of my own apartment, that I pay for. Also before labelling these bloggers (who are fans) maybe take a look around at the world and culture in which you currently live and work. How many of your fellow athletes have a blog? How about a Twitter account? Blogs are everywhere and the whole "parents' basement" line gets less and less relevant with each passing day.

And think about this. Isn't an athlete judging and stereotyping the blogging community just as a bad as the blogging community jumping to conclusions about athletes using steroids? And if, athletes hold such little stock in what they say, why do the go out of their way to rebuff and attack them? Hmmmm? Hmmm? But I digress. I need to help Mr. Ibanez.

Now, Mr. Ibanez, I can understand your anger, who wouldn't? I mean no one likes to be accused of cheating, right? But here's the thing Raul. (May I call you Raul?) Unless you live under a rock, you had to see these accusations or rumors coming about at some point. I am not here to judge you, Raul (for what it is worth I do not think you took any sort of PEDs) or to speculate reasons for your fast start, but merely to really paint a picture for you.

You see, you are mad at a blogger, not the media, a blogger, for hinting at the fact you may be using PEDs, when he was, for the most part, trying to stick up for you and typing what I'm sure plenty of people were thinking. Raul, you need to redirect your anger. It is not the bloggers or the media who you should be angry with. No,no. It's the likes of Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmiero, Miguel Tejada, Alex Rodriguez, etc. whom you should really be mad at.

These fellas have ruined everything. No big numbers shall ever be looked at the same way again. At least not anytime in the near future. Yes, Raul, it is frustrating, no doubt, but let's not unfairly take it out on the blogosphere.

Blame it on the little circus sideshow MLB put on in front of Congress.

Blame it on Sammy Sosa forgetting his English at just the right time.

Blame it on Mark McGwire not wanting to talk about the past.

Blame it on Rafael Palmiero emphasizing his lies with a glare and finger point.

These are the ones you should be blaming.

McGwire, Palmiero and Sosa, were all nice, beloved ball players, who let us down. Sure Sosa and McGwire were really large and muscular, but Raffy? Come on! Who suspected that?

But, because of their little Congressional sideshow, baseball players everywhere are now guilty until proven innocent and that's just how it is gonna be, maybe forever. Baseball fans really have no choice, we've been burned too many times already.

I'm sure there are plenty of players out there not using PEDs of any kind, but unfortunately, that won't matter. We thought Rafael Palmiero was a nice upstanding ballplayer and look where that got us! How are we to believe anyone? Hmmm? Hmmm?

Dustin Pedroia says his favorite baseball movie is Major League, but how do we know he is telling the truth? How do we know his favorite baseball movie isn't really The Slugger's Wife with Noonan from Caddyshack? The answer is....we don't.

So, sorry Raul, I can understand your anger and your frustration, but if you continue to put up monstrous numbers, people will talk, rumors will abound, and you have to accept this. And again, I do not believe that you are getting "help", but when it comes right down to it, that doesn't mean squat.

All I ask of you Raul, is you realize where exactly your anger should be directed, and why these accusations surface.

It is not the media's fault, it is not a bloggers fault, it is not the government's fault, and unfortunately it is not even George W. Bush's fault.

I know it downright stinks Raul, but the best you can do is just keep doing what you are doing and ignore the doubters and the shouters.

Oh and maybe pee in a cup.

IN OTHER BREAKING "NEWS".....

2009-06-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

So Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids and in other breaking "news'....

Grass is green.
The Nationals are terrible.
Albert Pujols is a good hitter.
Ice Cream is cold.
Ladies love Derek Jeter
Greg Maddux is a future Hall of Famer.
Houston is in Texas.
Roses are red and violets are blue.
Hot dogs are delicious.
Jack Cust strikes out a lot.
Rain is wet.
The grass is green.
The seventh inning stretch takes place in the seventh inning, and.....
Steve Gutenburg is one of the greatest actors of our time.

THE SCIENCE OF MARK TEXIERA

2009-05-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

This is Josh Peck from Nickelodeon's Drake and Josh circa 2003, or is it? Is it "Josh"? Is it?! Or is it Mark Texiera, who has somehow mastered the intricacies of the space-time continuum and possibly cloning, when he was fourteen? Goin' back in time, creating an alternate self, changing his name so he could pursue his first love, acting? Hmmm? Hmmm?! Two Mark Texieras in one universe?! Or is it two Josh Pecks?! bet your mind is blown. But for further proof, I give you Exhibit X:

A picture is worth a thousand words, my friends.

IRABU-YAH?!

2009-05-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the season I had wondered to myself what happened to Gustavo Chacin and the within a couple of days I saw a little blurb that he was in the Phillies system. Last week I mentioned how I miss Hideki Irabu so, and the next day I read that he has started his comeback tour (in the same rotation as Jose Lima nonetheless)! This got me thinking, do I have some sort of weird ability to think about certain former Major Leaguers, only to have them reappear in our lives? Could it be true? Well, one can only hope. But I need something to put it to the test, so I have decided to compile a list of Major Leaguers who just kind of dropped off of the baseball map, in our opinion, all too early, that we feel should make a comeback:

Kirk Rueter
Rocky Biddle
Scott Spiezio
Jung Bong
Jeremi Giambi
Alex Sanchez (one steroid bust and he just disappears?)
Bob Hamelin (aw Hambone! You were the next Billy Jo Robidoux! And now, you are, well, almost actually, Billy Jo Robidoux. If you don't make a comeback can you please hunt down Billy Jo Robidoux and collaborate on some sort of project? Possibly a rib joint?)
Benny Agbayani
"Crazy" Carl Everett (come on, he ain't no dinosuar for crying out loud!)
Luis Rivas
Roger Cedeno
Junior Spivey
Rickey Ledee
Byung-Hyun Kim (there was always something dirty sounding about his name?)
Ben Grieve
Kevin Mench (a real Mench!)
Matt Franco
Antonio Alfonseca
Ugueth Urbina (well, okay he's in some third world prison, but one can dream)
Shane Spencer
Sean Burroughs
Nook Logan (um, awesome nickname, we need him to help heal the country)
Choo Freeman (see above)
Ken Harvey
Jason Simontacci
Tike Redman (once the Pirates future, then....?)
Wes Obermueller
Rube Baker
Scott Sauerbeck
Eli Marrero (he's a stud in EA Sports MVP Baseball '05, what happened?)
Amaury Telemaco
Tomakazu Ohka
Jonathan Lipnicki (okay, not a baseball player, but we think its time)
Shea Hillenbrand
Carlos Febles
Tanyon Sturtze
Timo Perez
Hee-seop Choi (he can sop anything he wants, am I right?)
Esteban Yan (hee-hee his name rhymes)
Billy Koch

Alright, well now its just fingers crossed time.

ROUNDOFFS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EICHORN

2009-05-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

Houston Astros? More like Houston Lastrohs, am I right? I probably didn't come up with this, but I still think it's funny.
Branyan watch: .324, 6HR, 14 RBI, 1.043 OPS. I think they should start flooding Seattle supermarkets with Raisin Branyan cereal any week now! No? Branyan Flakes?
I kinda wish Kurt Suzuki would follow Ichiro's lead and put his first name on his jersey instead of his last. I'd buy a "Kurt" jersey.
Remember Emilio Bonificio?
One complete game and everyone's ready to jump on the Sharion Martis bandwagon. I realize its the Nats and they'll take what they can get, but the media makes it seem like he's piling up the quality starts or something.
The bandwagon you need to be hoppin on is the Wandy Rodriguez one.
Did Cole Hamels walk under a ladder, while a black cat was crossing his path?
I think the problem with the Mets is they're just too darn bland. There's no "fire", no "je ne sais pas". Who's the Matt Franco of this club? The Roger McDowell? The Al Leiter? The Benny Agbayani? Don't get me wrong I'm sure that Ramon Castro is a real card in the clunhouse.
Watch out for Alberto Callaspo, he's making the most of the extra ABs.
Matchup of the week: Pirates-Brewers. Monday night. Maholm vs. Gallardo. Have some!
Buy low fantasy player of the week: Magglio Ordonez. Mags is due to breakout any second now!
Sell high fantasy player of the week: Ricky Weeks. Okay, I know no one is really all that high on Rickie Weeks, but he's playing the best he'll probably play all year, so if you gotta another 2B, than see if you can move him for middle relief or something.
Jason Marquis is pitching well?
AFLAC trivia of the week: Hee-seop Choi is has more home runs in the majors than any other Korean born player, with 40. Shouldn't take Shin-Soo Choo too long to beat that.
Usually I am all for the throwbacks, especially powder blue ones, but there's something irksome about the ones the Jays sport.
Brewers throwbacks on the other hand? Absolutely gorgeous!
Last week Jorge Cantu had 14 RBIs! Fourteen! Dang!
Seriously, who exactly is gonna win the AL Central?
Who says the art of base stealing is dead? Days after Dexter Fowler stole five bases in a game, no small feat in itself, Carl Crawford ties a record by swiping six bags in a game against the Sawx. I'm no Elias Sports Bureau, but I'm thinking its probably rather rare that twice in a week someone steals 5 or more bases in a game.
Speaking of the Sawx, get ready for the rest of the league to be overshadowed for two days as the Sawx take on the Yanks tonight and tomorrow.
Just for esses and gees, Kurt Stillwell.
And your baseball beer of the week is..........Cooperstown Brewing's Nine Man Ale. A light golden ale with some fine English pale and crystal malts and torrified, not to be confused with horrified, wheat. enjoy!

FANTASY FOOFARAH: THE WRIGHT STUFF?

2009-04-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

David Wright may be the most boring fantasy baseball star out there. Now, before all you fans of the Metropolitans get all in a tizzy, let me explain. I am not saying that David Wright is not a great player or that he is generally dull. No, no, no. Now, will he hit over three hunny? More than likely. Will he slug 30 plus dingers? Sure. Will he drive home 125 runs or more? Probably. Let's face it, David Wright is a fantasy baseball beast, and puts up all-around great numbers, but its how he gets to these numbers, that makes him one of the most boring fantasy ballplayers around. Confused yet? Well the thing is, he never “seems” to have huge nights. Or weeks, for that matter. Still not understanding? Well, that's because I'm still getting there! Hold your horses! Alright, think about it this way: a season of +.300 BA, with 35 dingers and 125 RBIs, is generally considered pretty darned solid, right? That's rhetorical, the answer is “yes”. But really break it down. There's 25ish weeks in the MLB season, which means that a guy with 35 taters and 125 RBIs in a season, would, on average, need only hit less than 1.5 homers a week and drive in 5 runs to accomplish that. Hardly monster numbers, to say the least, yet not a lot of guys even do that. But what makes David Wright so boring, is that he “seems” to do that week in and week out. Rarely do you get a “sexy” 5-5, 3HR, 6RBI night from the Mets slugger, nor do you get huge week. I mean, sure from time to time he'll have a few hits in a game and put some big numbers on the board, but more often than not he gets to his big season-end numbers in the most boring way possible. In fact if you had him in head-to-head leagues last year (as I did) you may have noticed this. B-O-R-I-N-G, boring. Now, sure, consistency is good, but for a first-rounder you want a guy that'll help carry your team most weeks, am I right? 1-2 homers and 5-6 RBIs a week from your top pick, is probably not gonna get it done. Now I know what your thinking, “But isn't it good to know that you'll get that week in and week out?” Sure, because most guys will have to balance big weeks, with mediocre-to-very bad weeks, it seems guarantees are good. In my AL-only league, for instance, I have Miguel Cabrera and Carlos Quentin, two major fantasy studs, who provided absolutely nothing offensively for me last week. I still managed to win my game, and I know its only a matter of time before they have a huge week. Its just more fun, if your a stat geek like me, to check the box score and see those gargantuan digits in your guys stat columns. I mean, personally I would rather have the huge weeks here and there, but maybe that's just me? But watch your leagues throughout the year and see where the guys who took David Wright are in the standings. I contend that those who took David Wright with their first picks in head-to-head leagues will not, I repeat, not, finish in first. Unless they are very savvy fantasy players or are in a league filled to the brim with dimwits. If you have David Wright, trade him! Run! Don't walk to you fantasy roster and move him, ASAP! If you're in one of my fantasy leagues, I will take him off your hands, just to prove my point, because I am a nice guy. But you're not gonna get huge value for him. You'll thank me later. Hope you enjoyed the first of many Fantasy Foofarahs, where I'll be giving you valuable fantasy advice and nuggets all season long!

ROUNDOFFS: AT LEAST BETTER THAN CHIEN-MING WANG

2009-04-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

What's wang with Chien-Ming? Well, when you don't strike guys out, but rather, rely on a sinker to get grounders, and then that sinker don't sink, well, you do the math.
Quote of the week: "He's coming into a spot you wouldn't give to a leopard..."- the incomparable Vin Scully.
Make fun of Carl Pavano, and he pitches well? Don't worry, he was a little more Pavano-ish against the Twins on Saturday.
When the Rays are hitting, they are fun to watch.
Quick! Off the top of your head name the current starting rotation for the Toronto Blue Jays! You can't do it, can you?! Its easy, allow me. Roy Halladay, Southpaw, What's his Name, Newbie, and Gustavo Chacin. BOOM!
Speaking of Chacin, who had surgery and disappeared to parts unknown....he is actually in the Phillies organization. Who knew?! Maybe the Phillies. Maybe! Chacin is the first one to suffer the fragrance curse. It was not long after Gustavo Chacin Cologne night at Skydome, that his career took a turn. I did not make that up, it was a real promo! It is Canadia, so......
The Nationals are just downright awful.
Zack Greinke has not allowed an earned run in 29 innings this season! If you like pitching, you need to watch Greinke work! Although maybe not in his next start, since, I've more than likely just jinxed him.
On the flip side, Matt Lindstrom gave up seven, yes SEVEN, earned runs in two-thirds of an inning against the defending World Champion Phillies on Friday night, erasing Josh Johnson's quality start.
The uniforms the Padres wore on Saturday night were nothing short of wonderful!
Russell Branyan hit is fourth homer of the season this weekend. I'm just saying.
Of course Brandon Inge, yes Brandon Inge, has 7 homers, so anyone who has him on their fantasy team is a lucky duck!
Watching the Dodgers hit is just good ol' fashioned fun.
Seriously the Nationals are just horrendous.
If I had to choose, I'd say Bengie's probably my favorite Molina.
I think its safe to say Daniel Murphy won't be winning a Gold Glove anytime soon. Not only has he made two very costly errors in left, but he has managed to fall down twice, which is, well, funny. Not to Mets fans though I guess.
Nyger Morgan is just plain having fun out there!
Am I the only one who misses Hideki Irabu?
Your "buy low" fantasy player of the week is (drum roll) Adrian Beltre. Beltre is off to a horrendous start and was actually dropped in two of my leagues! But I'm telling you, he has been as steady as they come over his career in a Mariner uni and he's in a contract year. His owners are panicking. Make your move!
Your sell high fantasy player of the week: Zack Duke. I'm not saying Zack Attack won't be good or friends forever, but I think he won't be this good, and you can get value for him right now.
Matchup of the week: Santana-Johnson II. Their first duel featured a 2-1 Marlins win, with Johnson throwing a complete game and Santana not giving up an earned run, but still losing, thanks to the aforementioned Daniel Murphy. Look for something very similar in Round 2. And if I'm Josh Johnson, I do not wanna leave this game with a lead.
Remember when the Marlins were 11-1?
Or when the Red Sox were 2-6? Seems like ages ago.
Oxymoron of the week: Yankees relief-pitching.
Never been a huge fan of Norm Chad, but he kinda hits some nails on the head with this one.
Really not seeing anyone running away with the AL Central this year.
Nor any reason the Dodgers shouldn't run away with the NL West.
Reason #14 to get the MLB Extra Innings Package: Mark Grace. He is awesome. See for yourself!

Not only does Ian Kinsler have awesome hair, but he can hit a bit too!
And finally, your Beer of the week is in honor of the red hot Red Sox. Green Monsta Ale from Wachusett. A flavorful Pale Ale, that goes down great with Sawx wins. Its not the top pale ale out there, but is easy to drink down whilst watching America's pasttime.

"NOTHING SAYS BASEBALL, LIKE FAT MEN DANCING"

2009-04-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

This is the dance team you get when no one comes to your games.
Worst. Village People cover band. Ever.
What would you do for a free Craig Counsell jersey?
Faaaaaaat guuuuuuuuy, in a little coat, er, jersey. Faaaaat guuuuuyyy in a little jersey!
Bocephus and friends?
Reason #127 to get the MLB Extra Innings Package!
Well, those not invited to Dolphins camp, had to find something to pay the bills!
Al Newman has really let himself go!

These are the Man-atees! The plus-size, all-male, Marlins cheerleading squad! Guess, I'm a little late to the game on this one, as it was all the buzz last winter, when they held tryouts, but I got my first sighting last night and, well, to say it was surreal, would, well, not even do it justice!

Don't worry the Man-atees will make regular appearances here at "Bitterness", but do they have what it takes to beat out the Rally Van Damme?

NFL DRAUGHT

2009-04-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

Yes Bitternessians, it is once again that time of year! Yep, war rooms, "upside", flashy suits, booing New Yorkers and of course the best part, at least in my humble opinion, the Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NFL Draught! Please, please, hold your applause. This year we're gonna mix it up slightly, but not too much, because, well mostly because, we fear change. But we don't wanna give away the surprise. For those of you new to the "Draught", what the heck is the matter with you! I kid. But seriously? Anyway in the off chance that this is your first NFL Draught, here's how it works, we concoct a delicious NFL related tap list. Now you won't find a Tedy Bruschi or former lineman Sam Adams. No, no it's much better than all of that! In fact this year, wait for it, we're not even using players! What?! No players?! In the words of Ralph Wiggum, "That's unpossible." But, do not fret, it'll be okay. Just breathe, grab a brew, and enjoy!
BUFFALO PILS- Light. Crisp. Refreshing. Oh wait that's Diet Pepsi. This is a nice light brew, that's highly drinkable.

INDIANAPOLIS KOLSCH- A nice brew as golden as the plains of Indiana. As delicious as the Buffalo Pils, but with a tad more bite.

NEW ENGLAND PALE-TRIOT ALE- Light amber in color, with a nice balance of piney hops and caramel malt backing.
PHILADELPHIA EAG-ALE- This high-flying IPA will have you soaring from its 8.2% ABV. Fly Eag-ale, fly!

MINNESOTA HEFE-VIKING- A big bad Belgian with big bad citrusy aroma, that reels you in. You'll wanna pillage and plunder this one for sure!

ST. LOUIS RAMBER- An amber with some kick, you'll wanna grab this one by the horns!
CHICAGO BEAR-LEYWINE: As potent as a hit from Brian Ur-lager, this beverage will knock you on your Butkus!
WASHINGTON IRISH REDSKIN ALE- Creamy, red and delicious! This one'll put you in hog heaven!

TAMPA BAY BOCK-ANEER- This is a Bockstar! A nice dark reddish color, with incredible maltiness!

CLEVELAND BROWN ALE- A nice roasted malt flavor, helps give this brown ale its character. Dark and rich, with a nice smooth finish, this rocks as much as Cleveland.
OAKLAND-AGED RAIDER STOUT- Oak-aged to perfection, this one is as dark and robust as your average Raider fan, but slightly less scary!
MALTIMORE RAVEN STOUT- As hard hitting as the Ravens "D", this one is absolutely stoutstanding!

And for those who like to really keep it real we also have the San Francisco Forty-Ouncer, a glowing example of malt liquor!

So have fun and drink up!

ROUNDOFFS: AT LEAST BETTER THAN CARL PAVANO

2009-04-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

It was yet another exciting opening week of Major League Baseball, unfortunately with some tragedy thrown in. Our thoughts and prayers are with Nick Adenhart and the other victims of that car crash and their families. Let's take a look at what else went on in baseball's opening week:

Who flipped the AL East standings around? The Jays in first, followed by the Os, Yankees, Rays and Red Sox. Literally the exact opposite of my prediction for the season.
Other division leaders: Mariners, Padres, Cardinals, Marlins and Braves?
Text sent to my friend Matt after Carl Pavano's return, "So much for Carl Pavano's triumphant return." The response, "There's nothing triumphant about being Carl Pavano. It's not like being John Malkovich." So true.
Our quote of the week though, comes from a Nats-Marlins game last week. Now because I was flipping through different games, I'm not sure which announcer was responsible for this, but nevertheless here it is, "Nick Johnson's mother is Larry Bowa's brother. So Larry is Nick Johnson's uncle." Well any way you slice it, Bowa would end up being Nick's uncle, but I guess we'll have to wait until another game to find out how Nick's mom, in fact, became Larry Bowa's brother.
Albert Pujols: still pretty good at hitting.
Remember in 2008 when Cliff Lee carried the Indians rotation? Well, Cleveland, it's not 2008 anymore.
Evan Longoria may be for real. He may not finish with the 135 homers he's on pace to hit, but 30 seems very reasonable.
Emilio Bonifacio sure can run, but amidst his week one heroics, many may not have noticed the Pirates Nyjer Morgan having a solid week of his own.
I'm not sure if I'd say Josh Johnson outdueled Johan Santana on Sunday, since Santana had slightly better numbers, but he did win, and he is for real.
After the Rangers pounded the Tribe on Opening Day, they looked like they could have a fightin' chance this year, but it didn't take long to remember the Rangers can't pitch (they surrendered 28 runs in the next three games).
The more I look at the AL Central, the more I think the Royals have a legitimate shot at making the Playoffs.
For those that doubt my fanatsy strategy of not drafting "aces" early, peep these numbers: Tim Lincecum (0-1, 7.56 ERA), CC Sabathia (1-1, 4.50), Jon Lester (0-1, 9.00), Roy Oswalt (0-2, 6.23). Sure its early, but wouldn't you rather have a bunch of sluggers? Odds of all of your bats slumping at the same time, not as great.
Meanwhile, some pitchers you could've snagged in the 7th round or later, after loading up with sluggers, in most fantasy leagues: Josh Johnson (2-0, 0.57), Aaron Harang (1-1, 0.64), Chris Volstad (1-0, 1.80), John Danks (0-0, 0.00), Paul Maholm (1-0, 1.32) and Zack Grienke (2-0, 0.00).
One team that has lived up to expectations thus far is the Nationals. They are very much as bad as everyone thought. John Lannan is their ace, for pete's sake! George Dubya Bush looked pretty good throwing out the first pitch last season, maybe they could use him as a middle reliever, he's got some free time.
Your buy low fantasy pick up of the week this week is of course Nyjer Morgan, cause chances are Emilio Bonifacio went faster than a tray of cheeseburgers at fat camp! Now Nyjer is not gonna give you power, but he should get on and run around quite a bit!
Jason Motte is making me look stupid, which I think you all know is, extremely hard to do.
The Nationals may be the "sexy" losers, but the Astros are no slouches themselves. Well, why sell them short, they're tremendous slouches.
For those who don't hold much stock in the year-after-effect for pitchers who throw more than 30 innings over their previous season highs, take a look at this list of the pitchers who had the biggest increases last year: Lester, Hamels, Billingsley, and Lincecum. Just some food for thought.
This week's series of the week, is this weekend's Cubs-Cardinals series. Already a bitter and storied rivalry, the fact that the two teams head into the week atop the NL Central should only add fuel to the fire.
I guess I was wrong when I said the Yankees did not fix their bullpen needs with their offseason spending spree. Nick Swisher looked pretty solid in his first, and hopefully not last, relief outing of the season.
Most underrated 1-2-3 of a rotation? Meche, Greinke, and Davies. Unfortunately, the Royals 4-5 starters are Sir Sidney Ponson and Horacio Ramirez.
The Indians must be glad they Shin-Soo Chose, Shin-Soo Choo. He's not as flashy as former Indian Taka Tanaka, but he'll get the job done.
Your "Bitterness" Baseball Beer of the Week for Week 2 is Brooklyn Pennant Ale '55 in honor of both New York teams opening up their new parks.

Well, that wraps up another edition of Roundoffs. Hope you enjoyed and here's to a great week of baseball.

10 THINGS YANKEES FANS LEARNED ON OPENING DAY

2009-04-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

CC needs that extra deep dish pizza before each start. Don't try and control him Yankees, his diet is time tested.
Mark Texiera cannot walk on water. In fact he may not even be able to float in water.
Nor can he turn aforementioned water into wine.
Despite what you may think, CC does not like cold weather.
The camera does not add 120 pounds, CC is, in fact, that big.
CC cannot sing REM's, "It's the End of the World as we Know It" perfectly, during karaoke.
CC will not dominate every time out.
The Orioles hitters aren't that bad.
Signing Texiera, Sabathia and Burnett did not fix the bullpen.
The Orioles magic number is 161.

ROUNDOFFS: HGH FREE BASEBALL PREVIEW

2009-04-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, can everyone stop asking who this year's Rays will be, as if what they did last year, is common occurrence? No perennial last place teams will make the World Series this year. But the team with the best shot is probably the Royals, who could make the playoffs. Their division is probably the most wide open, and they have mad key, albeit unsexy, improvements. But, having said that, I think a lot of people are calling this and ready to jump on the Royal bandwagon, which usually means it won't happen.
As for the Rays, they were not a fluke!
And this year's Rays can't be last year's Rays, its scientifically impossible.
For what the Yankees spent in the off-season, you'd think they'd have less holes. That outfield is intimidating though with Brett Gardner, Xavier Nady and Johnny Damon. Look out!
Though, Giambi did leave a big thong to fill.
Kinda wish Phil Coke and Rocky Cherry pitched out of the same bullpen, for nice 1-2 punch of Cherry-Coke.
I don't buy into David Price. There, I said it! To be quite honest it looked he was given a large strike zone in the playoffs, which won't continue.
Here are some names you should look out for this season: Scott Lewis and Josh “Don't call me Richard” Geer.
I love Jon Lester and his story, but look for him to hit the DL at least once this year.
I mean, why did Terry Francona all of sudden turn into Dusty Baker? He just let Lester pitch and pitch.
I don't know what the Giants financials look like, but I think Manny would've been a good investment for them. Not that Bengie Molina and Fred Lewis aren't a formidable 3-4 or anything.
Where have you gone Hideki Irabu?
Another team on the rise? How about the Reds? They could very well win their division. If Aaron Harang returns to form, Bronson Arroyo has a solid year, Edison Volquez builds on last year, Johnny Cueto lives up to the hype, and the Cubs flop, which let's face it could happen. They are after all, the Cubs.
I don't find Ryan Braun all that attractive. Now Tim Lincecum on the other hand.....
Terry Francona is overrated.
You heard it here first, Russel Branyan will quite possibly have a career year!
I haven't jumped on the Jacoby Ellsbury bandwagon just yet.
As for Pedro Alvarez, well that's a whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother time.
The Orioles could score quite a few runs this year. Only problem is, they don't have any way of preventing other teams from doing the same.
Calling Kerry Wood a step up from Joe Borowski is like saying Ford is a step up from Chevy.
For you fantasy baseball folks in deep leagues, pick up Mike Fontenot or Jed Lowrie if you want to win. Don't expect Chase Utley-like numbers, but don't expect Rickie Weaks numbers either. Fontenot can rake, and hit, plus he's in a potent lineup. Lowrie's not gonna hit 3 hunny, but he should get at least 75-80 RBIs, which is money for a late round SS in deep mixed or AL-only leagues.
Looking for relief, watch out for Steven Shell. He will be the Nats closer, by season's end.
Before you moan and groan at another celebrity trying his hand at baseball, that's Eric Stults on the Dodgers roster, not Mask (not to be confused with The Mask) star Eric Stoltz.
The Marlins won't make the playoffs, but should be very, very pesky. I think this Hanley Ramirez fella, might be pretty good. Plus they may have the best starting rotation in the bigs. Sorry Texas.
Stat you may not know: Gil Meche was in the top 5 in strikeouts last year, after the All-Star Break.
Not really sure why everyone was so shocked that USA lost in the WBC? I mean, the Far East has been producing better quality products for quite some time. I didn't see any of the games as my American made VCR broke while recording.
Now, of course when decent players retire, we inevitably get barraged with the old Hall of Fame debate. And most cases can be argued either way, but I feel that while stats are important, they shouldn't be the only factor. So I'm gonna say it, “Put him in! Corey Koskie deserves it!”
This year's division winners will be: Red Sox, Twins (they're pitching is as solid as it gets), Angels (best in the AL West doesn't necessarily mean much), Phillies (um, they added Raul Ibanez, those lucky ducks), Reds (had to shake things up somewhere) and the Diamondbacks (they can pitch past the Dodgers).
Wild Cards: Rays and Cubs
MVPs: Ryan Braun and Carlos Quentin
ROYs: Matt Wieters (call it a sleeper pick) and Jason Motte
Cy Youngs: Josh Beckett and Johan Santana
Comeback Players of the Year: Khalil Greene and Carl Pavano (all he's got do is hit like .245 and the award is his).
This year's Ryan Ludwick: Russell Branyan
K-Rod will not even reach 50 saves.
This year's Cliff Lee: Javier Vasquez
Batting Champs: Jimmy Rollins and Kevin Youkilis (Howie Kendrick if he stays healthy)
Home Run Champs: Carlos Quentin and Ryan Howard
This year's David Price: Daniel Bard?
Its Sox over the Cubs in 6.

WHAT'S IN A NICKNAME?

2009-03-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

Time to breakdown the NCAA Tournament, in a way only I can, by team nicknames of course. Now I could waste your time analyzing Ty Lawson's toe (just one thought on the toe: why is it such a big deal for him to miss the 1^st Round game anyway? I mean why not just rest him? I know the Tar Heels aren't as good without him, but is anyone now picking Radford to advance? Well?) or UCONN's #1 seeding, yada, yada, yada, but that's nothing you haven't read about furiously over the last three days or so. So, we're going in a slightly different direction, Bon appetite!

In the field of 65, 34 schools have animal nicknames, while 21 have human nicknames

Nine teams have feline nicknames, seven have aviary or bird nicknames, and five have dog nicknames.

The most popular nickname in this year's tourney? That would be Eagles and Tigers with four.

There are three Bulldog squads and two each of Panther, Wildcat, Husky, Golden Bear, Aggie and Viking.

But, there can only be one Highlander squad and that would be Radford.

Unfortunately Cincinnati is not in the field of 65, so there will be only one team of Bearcats. That of course being Binghamton.

And no Bucknell, means North Dakota State will be the only Bison roaming the fields of 65.

Out West.....

It'll be a dog fight in Portland when the Huskies of Washington grapple with the Mississippi State Bulldogs.

If the top four seeds in the West advance to the Sweet Sixteen, we'll be treated to Huskies (UCONN) vs. Huskies (Washington) and Tigers (Missouri) vs Tigers (Memphis). Bet that had something to do with the committee's seeding.

Best team name in the region? Cal St.-Northridge Matadors. Unfortunately neither Buffalo nor South Florida made the tourney, preventing the Bull vs. Matador matchup from happening. The Matadors are probably in for an early exit, as Tigers can accelerate a bit faster than Bulls.

Meanwhile on the other coast....

The Volunteers will fight with the Cowboys', probably over land or something, when Oklahoma State squares off with Tennessee.

While the Musketeers of Xavier will try and fens off the raid of the Portland State Vikings.

The Buccaneers of East Tennessee State will lock up with the Pittsburgh Panthers and a good old-fashioned NFC South battle, plus...

The winner of that game could end up meeting the Cowboys in the second round, and if some huge upsets occur, the Vikings in the Sweet Sixteen and either the Rams or Eagles in the Elite Eight!

Now the Rams and Eagles could be headed for a second round skirmish, if American and Virginia Commonwealth can both pull off first round upsets. Not likely, but you never know, that's why its called March Madness and not March Everything Goes According to Plan.

Yes, an American University athlete is an American Eagle, just like the clothing store.

And of course the matchup, we'd love to see in nature, Gophers vs. Badgers.

And then there's the outside chance of a Cowboys-Indians (Seminole to be precise) if Oklahoma State and Florida State make it to the Sweet 16.

Southern comfort....

While it is far from likely, if 7^th seeded Clemson and 8^th seeded LSU get to the Elite 8, we would have some Tiger on Tiger action, plus if things get really crazy they could possibly meet a Tiger team (Memphis or Mizzouu) in the Championship game.

Of course the best 1^st round matchup is the Zips vs. Zags, which will be the first ever tournament game between two teams with three letter nicknames starting with “z”. Now I know, Gonzaga is actually the Bulldogs, but they have unis with “Zags” on them, which is good enough for me. Having said that....

If Gonzaga advances to the Sweet Sixteen, there's a small possibility they could meet Butler for a Bulldogfight.

Favorite nickname: Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks

Midwest

Biggest first round game of name interest is Kansas versus North Dakota State. “Why”, you may ask? Well not only does Kansas hold the NCAA record for being upset by teams with “B” nicknames. The Bradley Braves and Bucknell Bison being the most recent, but they have not beaten a Bison team this century in the tournament! Yes North Dakota State is, in fact, the Bison. A Kansas loss would, quite possibly give them the record for most 1^st round losses to Bison in the NCAA Tournament.

The 2^nd Round could feature the Spartans going at it with the Trojans. Talk about Greek style!

A possible Sweet Sixteen matchup could feature the Demonic Deacons of Wake Forest versus the Saints of Siena, in a battle of good versus evil.

There could be a Regional Final for the birds, as the Cardinals of Louisville could meet either the Eagles of Boston College or the Jayhawks of Kansas.

Other nuggets:

The last time two teams with the same nickname meant in the final would be 1997, when the Arizona Wildcats defeated the Kentucky Wildcats.

Odds of that happening this year: Not good.

The Eagles are seeded 6, 7, 13 and 16

The Tigers are seeded 1, 3, 7, and 8 and the one and three seeds are in the same region.

The Bulldogs are seeded 4, 9 and 13.

Both Viking teams are seeded 13^th, which could mean something.

The Bears are 6, 7 and 15.

Wildcats are 3 and 12.

Aggies are 9 and 11, and if that weren't enough og a long shot, they are in the same region!

Same for the Huskies, seeded 1 and 4 in the same region.

And the Panthers are 1 and 12 seeds.

So there ya have it, enjoy the games!

FANTASYLAND

2009-03-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

With baseball season being almost upon us, it of course also means, fantasy baseball season is also almost upon us. And many of you fanatics are probably poring through stat after stat, fantasy magazine after fantasy magazine, looking to find a certain edge. But, you see, I am sort of, what they call a fantasy baseball guru, and a good sportsman, so here today I am going to offer fantasy advice for those of you, who are playing against me in fantasy baseball, and only those playing against me in fantasy baseball. If you are not going to be in a league with me (well, few are in my league, really), than you may read on if you will, but this advice is meant only to help my opponents, so just know that. Anyway, away we go with fantasy baseball advice for my fantasy baseball opponents:

Get closers and catchers early. Most people will tell you not to, so you can get a jump on the competition. Premium closers and relievers are scarce, get 'em while you can, so you don't end up with the next Greg Olson or Gregg Olson.
Homers are facist! Get some guys that steal bases early. Like a Willy Taveras.
Age over beauty. Much like in actual baseball, you're gonna want plenty of veteran leadership on your fantasy squad. Young guys are unproven, try and grab guys over 35 years old. The older the better. Randy Johnson, Scot Rolen, Tim Wakefield, Jamie Moyer, Moises Alou, the list of elder stars could go on for minutes.
If you really do want youth, really go for youth. 22 and under. So really stay away from those players in the 23-35 range as much as possible.
Stay away from guys whose names end in "ez", There's no telling how old they really are, and that spells trouble.
Stay away from guys who have been injury free. All that staying off the DL in the past means is that they are due for a major injury. You know, your Lance Berkmans, Roy Halladays, CC Sabathias, and Miguel Cabreras.
The reverse is true as well. Pick guys who are often injured. They are due to make it through a season safe and sound. Its the law of averages, it just makes sense. Think Hank Blalock, Howie Kendrick, Troy Glaus
The same can be said for the "big" stat guys. Guys who continually put up "big" numbers are due for a drop. I think it was Dick Van Patten who said, "What goes up must come down." So avoid big names like Pujols, Wright, and Beltran. And....
Those who have faired poorly for a number of years are due to break out. On draft day, look for guys like Bobby Crosby, Nate Robertson, Kenji Johjima, and Richie Sexson.

So there are just a few draft day tips for my fantasy opponents. Hope this helps and good luck out there.

SOUPER BOWL III

2009-02-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

Hey howdy, loyal readers, it is once again that time of year! Time two once again fuse together to of America's favorite pastimes, football and food! Bon appetite!

APPETIZERS:
STONEY CASE-ADILLA: Flour tortillas, three cheese, onions, peppers, and your choice of steak or chicken. Served with sour cream and salsa.

LOFA-JITA TATUPU: As sizzlin' as a hit by its namesake. Spicy peppers, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, and choice of steak or chicken, all wrapped up in a flour tortilla, served with salsa and sour cream.

TA-KOs SIMPSON: Our hard shell flour tortillas, ground beef, chicken or steak, topped with onions, peppers of all colors, and shredded Mexican cheese.

HENRY MOZZAR-ELLARD STIX: What's better than a highlight reel of great Henry Ellard catches? Pretty much nothing except fried cheese.

FIRST AND TENDERS: Golden chicken tenders, served with your choice of honey mustard or barbecue sauce.

BUFFALO NGUYENS: Deep fried chicken wings, bathed in your choice of mild, medium, lukewarm, barbecue, garlic, lemon pepper, hot, spicy, inferno, lava, or Hell sauce.

PAUP-CORN SHRIMP: Shrimp, dipped in our delicious batter for your pleasure!

CHAD NACHOS-CINCO: Nachos piled high with 85 different toppings including monterey jack cheese, tomatoes, peppers, onions, cheddar cheese, nacho cheese, ground beef, taco sauce, pizza, and much,much more!

SPINACH AND CORYATT-ICHOKE DIP: Our delicious dip served in a bread bowl and breadsticks for dipping.

SOUPS:
ZORN CHOWDER: Chunky delicious corn chowder in a bowl or a cup.

CHANNING CLAM CROWDER: Chunks of clams, potatoes, and other things from the sea, served in your choice of bowl or cup.

CHI-LEE EVANS: Beef, peppers, beans, topped with shredded cheese, served smoking hot!

CHARLES MANN-ISTRONE: The manliest minestrone ever served! EVER!

SANDWICHES, ETC.:
All sandwiches and such are served with choice of John "french" Friesz or potato chips, and a pickle.

RUE-BEN COATES: A big ol' pile of corned beef topped with saurkraut and swiss cheese and Russian dressing, served on our toasted Dre' Rye bread.

STEVE MONTECHRISTIE: This is a sandwich the won't sail wide of the goalposts! Toasted ham and cheese, then dipped in sweet French batter.

BLTee MARTIN: Bacon, lettuce and tomato with mayonnaise, on your choice of Danny White or Tyrone Wheat-ley toast.

RODNEY PEETE-A POCKET: Chicken, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise, stuffed into a pita pocket.

PHILLY CHEESE ST-AKERS: Unlike the actual kicker, this is a big hero! We kid, we kid. White sub roll, stuffed with greasy shaved steak, peppers and onions and topped with your choice of cheese spread or provolone.

PASTAS:
PASTA PRIMA-VERBA: As burly, boisterous and filling as the former o-lineman, this is sure to block your hunger for sure.

AMP RAVIO-LEE: Traditional raviolis filled with ricotta and beef.

CHICKEN:
CHICKEN MAR-SALEAMUA: White chicken filets, mixed with a Todd Heap-ing helping of mushrooms, braised in Marsala wine sauce.

CHICKEN CATCH-A-TORY HOLT: This one is certainly a catch! Braised chicken, tossed with mushrooms, tomatoes, onions, herbs and bell peppers.

STEVE OVEN ROASTED CHICKEN BREASTON: Nice, oven roasted chicken breast, just like mom used to make.

MARION BARBERCUE CHICKEN: As rough and tumble as the Cowboy running back! Succulent chicken breasts, smothered in our sweet and sassy barbercue sauce.

JON JURKOVIC CHICKEN: As spicy and hot as the former lineman, this is sure to please, just make sure you have plenty of water available.

THE JOEY PORTERHOUSE: One of the biggest and baddest cuts out there.Thick and juicy, just like the out spoken linebacker.

KNUTE YORK STRIP STEAK: The good old-fashioned strip of steak, cooked to your liking.

KEITH RIBYARS: An incredibly tender cut of meat, that doesn't look like much, but sure gets the job done!

STEVE "T-" BONO: The coup de gras! If you want steak, this is the way to go.

DESSERTS:
TROY CHOCOLATE CAKE-MAN: A tall triple layered piece of rich, rich chocolate cake.

WARREN SAPP-LE CRISP: Warm baked apple goodness, topped with vanilla ice cream, and wipped topping.

Oh and since you're probably wondering, I'm picking the Steelers 27-17. Don't worry I'm rooting for the Cards, but I figure I've picked against them throughout the playoffs, and they keep winning, so this seems to be the best way. Here we go Cardinals, here we go!

YIPPEE-KI-YAY MR FLACCO!

2009-01-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

EAGLES @ CARDINALS: Talk about a Conference Championship for the birds! Hahaha. Well now that that's out of the way, on to bigger and better ballyhoo. If anyone said they thought the NFC would comedown to these two teams, than they are a filthy, dirty, no good liar. No one thought it at the beginning of the season. No one thought it half way through the season. No one thought in the last few weeks of the season. No one thought it when the playoffs started. No one thought it even, EVEN, before last weekend. Some people probably still don't think its happening. Some little poindexter might stroll up to you and say otherwise, but rest assured they are a liar. The first clue may be that their pants are on fire.

Now the Eagles are the more playoff seasoned, hard-nosed, dare I say grizzled, team in this affair. Whereas the Cardinals, are well the Cardinals. Right now I would say there are basically two schools of thought on this game. 1) The Cards will win or B) the Cards will lose. Scenario one has people drawing upon the Cards dismantling of the Cards and having a stout defense, stopping two of the best running teams in the league en route to the NFC Championship game. But where has this come from? This hasn't been a defense that has been known to make things happen,which brings us to scenario B. You see as nice a story as the Cards run is, I think, as do many I'm sure, that they are on borrowed time. In other words all goods things must come to an end, but who is to say that won't happen two weeks from now? Me that's who! Well, I mean I don't have any real power or say in the matter,or do I? I don't. But I feel like the clock is striking midnight on this magical Cardinals run. It just pheels like after the Phillies won, things are turning around in Philadelphia. I can't really say I'd be disappointed with either outcome in this one. But I'm gonna go with the Eagles 28-24.
RAVENS @ STEELERS: Alright, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, can we just ease up on the Joe Flacco praise? Don't get me wrong, I like Joe Flacco. I mean, what's not to like? Awesome name, former Blue Hen, etcetera, etcetera. But can we just stop making him out to be the next Stan Humphries! Or some other great QB? I mean he's not exactly putting up blazing numbers or anything. Let's be honest if he didn't have a world class defense at his disposal, would he have gotten this far? Hmmm? Now managing the game is a big part of being a quarterback, but lets not go fitting him for a gold jacket or getting his bust ready for Canton, alright? That's all I'm saying. But onto the game.

This one promises to be a good ol' fashioned, knockdown, drag 'em out, kick ya in the crotch, slobberknocking, put grandma to bed, pass the spicy mustard, crank up the AC/DC, lock up the good china, dog fight! Lewis and Suggs, Farrior and Harrison. Much like the NFC Championship game, I don't really care who wins this one. But unlike the NFC Championship game, rather than being able to be happy with the outcome either way, I will be unhappy with the outcome of this one either, having a general dislike for both teams. While they say its hard to beat a team three times in one season, it has been done. So I don't hold much stock in that, but there is also the fact the Steelers have struggled at home in the Playoffs. In fact the last Super Bowl they went to they did it by winning three road playoff games. As intimidating as the "Ketchup packet" is supposed to be, the Steelers have managed to not have great playoff success there. Interesting? I think so. The Ravens are like the little Steelers. Almost a mirror image, but with slightly less talent. I gotta tell ya I think young Mr.Flacco and the Ravens "D" will keep them in the game, but in the end the Steelers will prevail. Steelers 17-13.

Either way should be a good day of football, enjoy!

"S" MY "D" BCS!

2009-01-15T08:43:00.000-08:00

I don't generally watch college football, and part of that is due to the BCS system. Although Will Forte does make a compelling argument.

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS TOO

2009-01-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

Little bit of a time crunch today, but here ya have it:

EAGLES @ GIANTS: Eli's arm gets broken in the second quarter, the road team wins again, Green Man dances the night away! Eagles 27-21. If Eli's arm stays in one piece, um Eagles 23-21.

CHARGERS @ STEELERS: Are the Chargers back to what everyone expected? I dunno, I'm asking you all! Steelers defense is a little tougher than the Colts'. James Harrson stuffs darren Sproles in a trash barrel in pregame, and incurs a penalty. LT watches on from his rocking chair, helplessly, whittlin' away, with a nice afghan draped over him. Steelers 17-13.

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS: PART ONE

2009-01-08T16:50:00.000-08:00

RAVENS @ TITANS: The Titans hardly dominated down the stretch, while the Ravens hardly dominated at any point, in my mind. Well sure, they handled the Dolphins alright, but c'mon. The Dolphins?! If the Pats had Brady, the Bills had Jim Kelly, and the Jets had Chad Pennington, there's no WAY the Dolphins would have even made the Playoffs. I mean its the transitive property of who have they played? Here's the Dolphins last half of the season: wins against Seattle, Oakland, St.Louis, Buffalo, San Francisco, Kansas City, and the New York Jets. Wow, how did they ever navigate their way through that gauntlet of awesome? I dunno where I was going with that. I think the Titanic "D" should pester Joe Flacco "Seagulls" (nickname courtesy of my friend Billyball)all night long and they will win.

Titans 17-13.

CARDINALS @ PANTHERS: Alright, so I was way off in predicting the Cards Wild Card game, but I guess that's why they call it a "wild card". The Cards showed moxie in the franchise's first playoff game in like six decades, but now they are headed to one of the Carolinas, where the Panthers have been practically unstoppable. The Panthers should send the Cards Delhomme for the season.

Panthers 27-20.

WILD CARD WEEKEND PART TOO

2009-01-03T19:46:00.000-08:00

RAVENS @ DOLPHINS: In a perfect world there would be no winners in this game, but unfortunately, there are no ties in the Playoffs. Got that Donovan? Now this has the potential to be a good game, which is all well and good. But I'm more interested in the pregame warmups. You read correctly. Joey Porter on one side with Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs on the other side. C'mon! If I'm NFL Films I am getting microphones on them two days ago! But, I guess they will also actually play a football game, and despite my repeated emails to Roger Goodell, there will be a winner, so, ummmm, Ravens 23-21.

EAGLES @ VIKINGS: Both teams seem to be playing their best ball when it counts. This one will either be close or an Eagles blowout. I'm leaning more towards the former, I think. Is the "former" the first thing in the sentence? I never remember that. Well, I think it will be close is what I'm trying to get across. But I think the effort of one individual could tip the scales in the Eagles direction. No, not Donovan McNabb. Not DeSean Jackson or Brian Westbrook either. No, the difference maker on Wild Card Sunday will be none other than............ Green Man
Eagles 17-12.

WILD CARD WEEKEND: PART ONE

2009-01-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

Yes folks its time for football's second season! Wild Card Weekend is here! Everything that has occurred over the last seventeen weeks or so is now virtually meaningless. I said virtually. Anyway, on to the picks:

FALCONS @ CARDINALS: This one should be a shootout in the desert. The Cardinals earned a home game by winning the NFC West. As we've mentioned before winning the NFC West is kinda like being the skinniest kid at fat camp, the smartest Congressman, the tallest midget, or the healthiest Burger King menu item. I'm pretty sure the Lions would not have been winless if they played in that division. There I said it! In other words the Cardinals have proven the least of all the division winners, while the Falcons were just one game shy of getting a first round bye. Hmmm, Matty Ice versus the Methuselah of quarterbacks. Let me think. Falcons 31-21.

COLTS @ CHARGERS: The Chargers are the home team with the best chance of winning this weekend, while the Colts have Peyton Manning. This is a battle between two teams who were more or less written off as dead teams walking back in like Week 6. The Chargers surged to win the scrappy AFC West with a whopping 8-8 record. I mean how did they win four straight to get here? Well, they beat the Chiefs, Bengals, Buccaneers and Broncos. Only one of those teams was over .500, and that was Tampa Bay, but they lost their last four games including one to the Raiders, so that's not much to shake a stick at. Okay, okay, the Broncos were over .500 when they played them, but they lost their last three games and four of their last six. In fact against teams with above .500 records this year, the Chargers were a whopping, wait for it, 4-7. But....

before you all go jumping to pick the Colts in this one, lets take a look at that nine straight they won to turn their season around. It started with the Patriots and Steelers, in close games, those we'll count as "good" wins, but the next 7? Texans, Chargers, Browns, Bengals, Lions, Jaguars, Titans. The only team in there that actually gave a crap was probably the Chargers. And beating the Browns by 4, the Lions by 10, the Texans by 6, Jaguars by 7 and the lame duck Chargers by 3 is hardly awe inspiring, Now, I realize that the first couple of Patriot Super Bowl teams did the same thing, playing down to there opponents and winning every game close, but having not played a game that mattered in like 7 weeks could effect the Colts. Plus the Colts have had their troubles with the Chargers in the postseason. So what does this all mean? Well, I think its fairly obvious. Colts 27-23.

WEEK SEVENTEEN: A CLOCKWORK KITNA

2008-12-28T06:55:00.001-08:00

Well here it is the final week of the NFL regular season and there are still many questions to be answered. Will the Lions remain perfectly futile? Did Rod Marinelli fire his team up by showing them Necessary Roughness last night? Who will secure those precious last few playoff spots? Where is the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Swiss Miss All-Christmas Team"? Will Plaxico Burress be arrested again before the year ends? If the Jets and Pats win, will Eric Mangini be invited to the Belichik compound for Ostrichburgers? Who shot Kennedy? Are the Giants good this week? Of those who don't need wins this week, how many will play their starters? Where's the beef? What are the 23 flavors involved in the make-up of Dr. Pepper? And how many flavors are used to make Mr. Pibb? And aside from a medical degree, what is the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb? Is Tom Brady engaged? Do you care? When will Breckin Meyer be recognized by the Academy? Not for an award, I mean when will they actually recognize him? Like on the street or something. Who will win the 138th Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Shirtless Gutenburg Awards? Does anyone care what this guy thinks? Is this the best beer blog going? Was that a shameless plug? Maybe you should ask this guy? Or how about this guy? Well, while that is a lot to tackle, I'm pretty sure Week 17 in the NFL should answer just about all of those questions and the some. But before we get to the picks, we have to address a couple of things for our loyal readers. Yes, all seven of them.

First off y'all are probably wondering why I would dis Lil Baby Jesus ( not to be confused with Big Baby Jesus of course) by not posting the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Swiss Miss All-Christmas Football Team". It was mostly a time crunch thing, coupled with the fact that we were away from "Bitterness" HQ for a couple of days. So how are we gonna rectify this injustice? Well, we'll throw it in right here, after we tackle another concern that has haunted us these past few days. We made a big omission from the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch All-Hannukah Team Presented by Boku and Richard Lewis" and we need to rectify that situation shortly, right after we make you aware that we have just set a new "Bitterness" record for number of times using the word "rectify" in a post. Now, on with the show. We regret the omission of Tyson "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of" Clabo, and sincerely apologize for such a large oversight. We take playing with people's names very seriously here at "Bitterness", and would never purposefully make such a large oversight and hope you can forgive us and will continue to make us your number one place for sillified nicknames. Now, that being said here is the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Swiss Miss All-Christmas Football Team":

QB- Jake Delhomme "For the Holidays"
RB- Steve "One horse open" Slaton
RB- "Jingle Bell" Rock Cartwright
WR- Reggie A-Wayne "In a Manger"
WR- Chris Horn-"aments"
TE- Justin "Let it" Snow
OL- Mike Gandy "Cane"
OL- Trent Cole "In Your Stocking"
OL- Nick Mangold "Frankincense and Myrhh"
OL- Travis "Little Drummer" LaBoy
OL- "Good" King "Wencelas" Dunlap

DL- Leonard Little "Town of Bethlehem"
DL- Ebenezer "Scrooge" Ekuban
DL- Raheem "Jingle Bell" Brock
DL- Chris Canty "Cane"
LB- "Mistle" Tony Gilbert
LB- Tully "Candy" Banta-Cain
LB- Vernon Gholston "Of Christmas Past"
CB- Davon "Boughs of" Holly
CB- Ahmad "Christmas" Carroll
S- Donte Whittner "Wonderland"
S- Quentin "Gold, Franincense and" Jammer

K- Robbie Gould "Frankincense and Myrhh"
P- Sav Rocca "Round the Christmas Tree"

And now the picks:
RAMS @ FALCONS: The Falcons, yes the Falcons could still get a home playoff game! Not only could they get a home game, they could get a first round bye! Unbelievable! Falcons 37-15.

RAIDERS @ BUCCANEERS: The Gruden Bowl and a Super Bowl rematch fom years ago. What's not to love? Yeah, I know. Buccaneers 24-23.

LIONS @ PACKERS: This could have as much interest as any game on the docket. Can the Lions be the first 16 loss team in NFL history? We'd all like to think so, but will the Packers care that much? I would say the Packers will be fighting tooth and nail to win this one. Some might say why not just lay down, its a virtually meaningless game for the Pack. Well, think about it though. Aside from marring your franchise name in the football anals, there can't be a lot of pride in being the only team to lose to lose to the Lions. Packers 37-14.

BROWNS @ STEELERS: Its been a rough year in Cleveland, but a win here could end the season on a high note for the Brownies. Steelers 27-17.

GIANTS @ VIKINGS: Obviously this means a lot more to the Vikes than it does the G-Men, but will the Tom "turn and" Coughlin be goign full force in this one? Now some people look down on teams resting their starters, against a team who holds playoff implications in its hands, but with several big names like Kevin "Big Boss Man" and Brandon Jacobs listed as doubtful, why would you risk it? I realize the Gaints have a bye week coming up to rest, but that won't matter if BJ is knocked out for the playoffs, will it? Vikings 14-13.

PATRIOTS @ BILLS: The Bills are playing their playoff game right here. Pats 21-17.

BEARS @ TEXANS: Ditto for the Texans. Bears in need a of a win to win the division, but me thinks they'll have a rough trip to Texas. Texans 17-13.

TITANS @ COLTS: Another meaning less Colts-Titans skirmish, yay. At least this year both teams can play the backups. Colts 24-20.

CHIEFS @ BENGALS: The matchup everyone circled on their calendars when this years schedules were announced. I mean what do you say that hasn't already been said about a game between two awful teams on the final Sunday of the regular season? If the Bengals win, that could drop them out of the coveted #4 draft pick. In fact the win could end up dropping the Bengals down a few spots come April. A Chiefs win clinches the #3 Draft Pick in April, but a loss doesn't necessarily give them that coveted #2 pick either, unless the Rams win. This one may have more implications than any other game today. Bengals 14-10.

PANTHERS @ SAINTS: Simple, Panthers win they take the division and get a first round bye. All that stands in their way is Drew Brees and the mighty Saints. Panthers 27-21.

JAGUARS @ RAVENS: All that stands between the Ravens and the playoffs is the Jaguars, who haven't had an inspired performance since last December. Hmm, let me think. Ravens 23-7.

SEAHAWKS @ CARDINALS: Seahawks, probably against the Cards backups. Seahawks 11-9.

DOLPHINS @ JETS: Eh, if you follow football you already know everything you need to know about this one and are probably already tired of it. I'm not even gonna talk about Brett Favre screwing the Pats several years ago by losing to the Jets in the final week, in essence eliminating the Pats from the playoffs. Not one word, I swear. Jets 33-28.
REDSKINS @ NINERS: Niners 31-28.

COWBOYS @ EAGLES: Well here's the Eagles scenario. For them to make the playoffs, they need to beat the Cowboys, have Tampa Bay lose to the Raiders, have Minnesota or Chicago lose, then they need the moon to align with Jupiter, hell to freeze over, and pigs to fly. Easy. Well, at least they can still play spoiler to the Cowboys. Eagles 27-23.

BRONCOS @ CHARGERS: Well it all comes down to this in the AFC West. A Chargers win and Ed Hochuli can sleep a bit easier. A Broncos win and well, maybe he can't. What am I his psychiatrist? Chargers 37-31.

BEST WISHES!

2008-12-26T18:12:00.000-08:00

Happy Boxing Day from "Bitterness" and Soda Popinski!

HANNUKAH HIJINX

2008-12-22T07:51:00.000-08:00

Its the first day of Hannukah, so here's the 63rd Annual "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch" National Football League Kosher All- Hannukah Team presented by Richard Lewis and Boku. Now of course as usual this will feature only current NFL Players, so it will not include Keith "Rab"Byars, Stan "Gelt"baugh, Herman"orah" Moore, Alex Van Gelt, Al "Drei"Del Greco, or Lyle Alzado. So on with the show!

QB- SHAUN HILL-"EL", SF
RB- MENO-RASHAD MENDENHALL, PIT
WR- "KISLEV"-ERNEUS COLES, NYJ
WR- TROY-VAY WILLIAMSON, JAX
WR- ANTWAAN DREIDEL-EL, WAS
TE- TALIS CLARK, IND

YOU CAN BET ALL YOUR GELT ON THIS OFFENSIVE LINE:
OL- GELT-ON BROWN, ARI
OL- ROBERT GELT-ON, OAK
OL- NICK "LATKE", STL
OL- MATT "FESTIVAL OF" LIGHT, NE
OL- JON JANSEN"AGOGUE", WAS

DL- OSI U-MENORAH, NYG
DL- AARON KAMPMAN-ORAH,GB
DL- "MENO"- RAHEEM BROCK, IND
DL- DRE "DEL" MOORE, TB
LB- CATO JEW-N, TB
LB- JON MACA-BEASON, CAR
LB- "LAT"KEYARON FOX, PIT
CB- JASON "STAR OF" DAVID, NO
CB- DRE'-"DEL" BLY, DEN
S- KO "SHER" SIMPSON, BUF
S- HANIK"AH" MILLIGAN, STL

P- BRIAN MOORMAN"ORAH", BUF
K- "STAR OF" DAVID AKERS, PHI

WEEK SIXTEEN: KITNA FOR $800 ALEX

2008-12-18T05:13:00.000-08:00

Alright we have a lot on our plate right now so we're gonna have to "quick hit" this weeks picks, with some help from Alex Trebeck:

COLTS @ JAGUARS: What is a game that looked better on the schedule before the season started? Colts 24-14.

RAVENS @ COWBOYS: What is a must win game? Ravens 21-17.

CARDINALS @ PATRIOTS: What is the Cardinals chance to prove themselves? Patriots 42- 35.

SAINTS @ LIONS: What is one game closer to futility history? Saints 45-28.

49ERS @ RAMS: What is a chance for both coaches to try and boost their odds of getting rehired? or What is a chance for Mike Singletary to drop his pants? Niners 24-13.

DOLPHINS @ CHIEFS: What is not Tyler Thigpen's coming out party? Dolphins 24-20.

BENGALS @ BROWNS: What is the battle of underachieving wideouts? Browns 23-20.

CHARGERS @ BUCCANEERS: What is a previously overrated team against a recently overrated team? Buccaneers 28-24.

STEELERS @ TITANS: What is the battle for AFC supremacy? Steelers 19-14.

TEXANS @ RAIDERS: What is a game of very little interest to anyone? Texans 35-17.

BILLS @ BRONCOS: What is "wait 'til next year"? Bills 23-21.

JETS @ SEAHAWKS: What is Brett Favre turning water into wine? Jets 31-21.

EAGLES @ REDSKINS: What is the NFC East toss-up game of the week? Redskins 14-13.

FALCONS @ VIKINGS: What is a rematch of a game Minnesotans are still drinking to forget? Falcons 23-21.

PANTHERS @ GIANTS: What is a battle of former Kerry Collins employers, looking for home field advantage throughout the NFC Playoffs? Panthers 24-16.

PACKERS @ BEARS: What is the game that could salvage a ho-hum Packer season in some minds? Bears 21-10.

ROUNDOFFS: TIME TO REMEMBER

2008-12-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

Remember several weeks ago when the Giants, Redskins, and Cowboys were gonna be the three NFC east teams heading to the playoffs?
Or how about when Donovan NcNabb didn't know that tying was possible and the Eagles were done for?
Or, or how about when everyone thought the Bills could put the wagon in cruise control and coast into the playoffs?
Or when Brett Favre was fallible?
Or when Chris Berman was original and funny?
Or when Sportscenter was actually informative and funny?
Or when Mike Vick wasn't in prison?
Or remember Dante Hall?
Or when Devin Hester was a return threat?
Or when Ladanian Tomlinson was a threat at all?
Or how about when Kerry Collins was just a drunken punchline?
Or when Gus Frerotte was just a punchline?
Or when people in "the know" expected big things from the Jaguars?
Or when Chad Ocho Cinco was just Chad Johnson, and actually caught passes?
Or when Marvin Lewis cared?
Or when the Rams were turning their season around with Jim Haslett?
Or when the Panthers weren't the best team in football?
Or when people cared about the Pro Bowl rosters? Okay I guess that was probably never true.
Or how Romeo Crennel was a genius?
Or when Pacman Jones wasn't in trouble?
Or when the Bengals showed promise and were on the rise?
Or when no one knew how clueless Andy Reid was?
Or when John Madden provided insight?
Or when Sean Payton and the Saints were ready to take the world by storm?
Or when people thought Aaron Rodgers would make Green Bay forget about Brett Favre?
Or when no one had heard of Tyler Thigpen?
Or Dan Orlovsky?
Or when there were some creative end zone dances?
Or when you didn't love you some "Shirtless Gutenburg"?

WEEK FIFTEEN:

2008-12-14T07:07:00.000-08:00

Little late with the picks this week, which you obviously already know. And since we're feelin' lazy this week, we thought we'd hand this week's picks over to a guest blogger. Someone who is more into ranting on Sundays. An icon in the journalism field. A man who has been spinnin' crazy for like a two hundred some odd years. That's right, the one, the only Andy Rooney.....

LIONS @ COLTS: If the Lions won a game, it would take a lot of the fun out of ridiculing them. Colts 31-17.

REDSKINS @ BENGALS: Some Indians are offended by the name "Redskins". Personally I find it offensive that people from India have any say in the matter. I liked Ghandi, he was a great house guest. Didn't eat much and picked up after himself. Now he's an Indian I respect. Redskins 23-14.

BILLS @ JETS: The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. Brett Favre is not your average person, he's from Mississippi. I was in Mississippi once, and that was one more time than I wanted to be. Bills 17-13.

49ERS @ DOLPHINS: Did you ever notice that 1930 "niners" smell like pickled onions? I don't know why, but its always made me like them. As for Dolphins, the only one I ever liked was Flipper. If he could have survived on land it would have been some sort of crazy science-fiction show, like Will and Grace. Dolphins 21-17.

CHARGERS @ CHIEFS: Some say the forward pass reinvented the game of football. But I still wouldn't play without wearing a helmet. Chargers 27-20.

TITANS @ TEXANS: When I eat ribs, I stuff a napkin in my shirt, so it folds out and covers the front. Some people think this is embarrassing, but I guess I'm just one of those kooks who doesn't like barbecue sauce on my shirt. Titans 10-9.

BUCCANEERS @ FALCONS: People will genuinely accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe. Falcons 21-14.

PACKERS @ JAGUARS: The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50 percent chance of winning, there's a 90% probability you'll lose. Packers 27-17.

SEAHAWKS @ RAMS: I've never found the humor in flatulence. To me its about as funny as yawning and slightly less humorous than sneezing. Seahawks 35-27.

BRONCOS @ PANTHERS: Football's alright, but nothing quite matches the grace and carnage of a good ol' fashioned roller derby. Girls in short skirts on roller skates are the real athletes. Put a three hundred pound offensive lineman up on roller skates, and see what you get. Your bound to be entertained, but he won't. Panthers 27-17.

PATRIOTS @ RAIDERS: A great way to save money in these trying times, is to stop "mega-sizing" your fast food value meals. In most cases its not even worth the extra 39 cents, and before long you won't even miss it. Patriots 38-13.

STEELERS @ RAVENS: At a Christmas party last year I got drunk on rum raisin ice cream. It made me wonder why there's no scotch raisin ice cream? When I woke up the next morning I was on the floor in a puddle of scotch, heavenly hash ice cream and raisins. Come to think of it, there was no ice cream at that party. Steelers 24-21.

VIKINGS @ CARDINALS: In my mind "delicacy" is just another word for creepy, weird food that others won't want to eat. I mean, some foreign delicacies include bull testicles, monkey brains and eggplant. If slapping the word "delicacy" on them is supposed to make it more appetizing, then I'm the Easter bunny. Note: I am not, in fact, the Easter bunny. Cardinals 30-21.

GIANTS @ COWBOYS: We may never know what the smartest animal is, but I'd like to register my vote for the pigeon. Cowboys 24-23.

BROWNS @ EAGLES: Did you ever wonder what the deal is with this "Shirtless Gutenburg"? Where exactly is his shirt, and how did he lose it? Is this supposed to be entertaining? Cause I just don't get it? Sure we'd all just love to rip our shirts off, stick our hairy chests out and grin, but we don't. You never see a "Shirtless Rooney" do ya? Unless you're talking about that hack Mickey! Eagles 17-13.

PLAXICO BURRESS: BEST WING MAN EVER

2008-12-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Now normally, I am not one to stick up for Plaxico Burress, mostly because I have hated him since birth. His, not mine. I feel like he is undeservedly getting a bad wrap these days. I mean, I just hate him because he's a cocky, overrated, annoying wide reciever who plays for the Giants, but not for all this latest ballyhoo. Okay, so he brought an illegal firearm into a club and accidentally shot himself in the leg. But I think everyone is missing the big picture here. Now, before I proceed, let me just, for legal purposes, say that we here at "Bitterness" do not, in any way, shape or form endorse breaking the law or carrying guns. Now, is Plax dumb? Yes. Is he a cock blocker? No.

You see it took some time for Plax to get to the hospital after he assaulted himself. What isn't being heavily reported is he was in the club for a good hour or so after inflicting himself. Why would he possibly do such a thing? Because he's a good wing man. His boy Antonio Pierce was with him, trying to get his, as the kids say, "swerve" on. You try and tell me if you are out with one of your "boys" painting the town red, and you shoot yourself and with an illegal firearm, you ain't gonna cry like a little schoolgirl and immediately ask your friend, who is probably about to "get things done" with some feisty femininas, to take your sorry ass to the hospital? Yeah, that's what I thought. No, Plax sucked it up and stayed there, risking all sorts of infections, who knows how many diseases, and possible risk of amputation, so his friend could get a "piece"! Avoiding the ultimate "cock block", Plax took one for a friend. He toughed it out so his "boy" Antonio could lay the groundwork. Plus when AP needs that little extra oomph in his "game", he be like, "Oh my god, my friend's been shot, I gotta get him help!" BOOM! Now the feisty femininas see Antonio's sensitive side. SHAZAM!

So, next time you all want to go and judge Plaxico, maybe you should take a deeper look, and ask yourselves, "Would any of my friends shoot themselves and still be help me get laid?" Something to think about.

ABOVE THE NORM

2008-12-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

Figured no one saw this cause, well, it was the ESPYs. Watch for Ken Griffey Junior's reactions, they are priceless. Actually, not a lot of people know this, but Ken Griffey, Jr. was actually called the worst audience particpant Cirque du Soleil had ever seen until Wayne Jarvis came along. Enjoy!