HAZAH!

This weekend was a weekend to remember, but knowing I probably wouldn't be able to, I took pictures to document the trip to the "Electric City". So here they are, the images and story of a truly electric weekend. (I apologize for the layout, but html is not my bag and this looked much different in creation and when previewed. )

We arrive in the EC around 8ish to find Javen's feisty feline, Simon, cowering under a chair. Apparently knowing what his poor home was in-store for this weekend. But Simon would not be able to escape Bill's grasp. The look of sheer terror on Simon's face says it all.

Bill

finishes up his double cheeseburger from the BK Lounge, careful to not drop any crumb

s on Javen's freshly vacuumed floor!

We are joined at Javen's by the one, the only "Electric City" Paul (to your left) and his special lady friend Becky! Oh yeah and also Dunford. My prediction: PAIN! We were off and runnin'. We had a few of Billyball's homemade brews and were ready to paint the Electric City red. First stop: BL's! BL's is a nice little watering hole with some damned fine wings and sometimes a dog. Not to eat, it just roams around the bar wagging it's tail and lookin for scraps. Much like Javen.

While at BL's we drink, laugh and be merry, but do receive a major "dang-it" as we find out that there are no chicken wings to be had!

You see BL's is going to be shutting down to retool and reformat, so they were all out of, both chicken wings and chicken tenders. We needed to press on. I saw the lightbulb over Javen's head shining bright. Since we weren't gonna be gettin any chicken wings, the BL's stop was gonna be a one and done, and by that I mean two pitchers, a Guinness for Becky and some Jalapeno chips and we were outta there and headed across the street to good 'ol Uncle Ben's Tavern.

Uncle Ben's was where our night would take a turn for the worst. And the best. It wasn't long before we met Gary. A "dude" to say the least. Gary had a sweetie Ballston Spa Country Club sweatshirt only outshined by his gloooooooorious pony tail. As ECP and I played a game of pool, he placed his dimes down signifying that he had next. ECP and I exchanged a look, as pool sharks, we were not. Card Sharks on the other hand? Anyways so I lose to ECP by scratching on the 8-ball. ECP would then lose to Gary, and Gary and I were set for an epic duel, or so I thought. Gary broke and to the disbelief of everyone he had made the 8-ball on the break! Now for those of you not familiar with 8-ball, this is a very, very rare occurrence and is more luck than anything else. But after this shot Gary raised his arms, tossed his cue to the table, and strutted away, the cock and the walk baby. He made it seem as if he planned it all along. I was dumbfounded. We would go again and I would win, even making one combination shot that had Gary giving me a dollar.

Look at me I'm an actor. AN AC-TOR for crying out loud!!

All that pool really takes it out of you. I needed some jerky. ECP, more of a Slim Jim man, buys one for he and his lady. Not one each, they would split it of course. That is if he can get the package open. Luckily UB's had some local nihilists that would let him borrow thier gardening shears. ECP and Becky would give us a delightful Lady and the Tramp reenactment. So would Bill and I, but no one got that picture!

Nine pieces of jerky and quite a few alcoholic beverages later, we head out looking for some grub and perhaps some grog. You see, the jerky was not quite as filling as one might think. ECP and Becky call it a night, leaving Billyball, Jables, Dunford and myself left on a mission for food. Jables leads us to the Grog Shoppe.

Word has it there is also a barber shoppe down this hallway. The great thing about the Grog Shoppe is it is a bar that still serves food at about 1 or 2 in the morning time. And I'm talking REAL food here! Burgers, and other things as well! Javen and Bill were intently thinking of the delicious yum-yum that was about to come. I ordered the bacon cheeseburger and let me tell you it was fannnnnnnnntastical! Javen also is full of glee after he has something in his belly.




We finished up our beverages and headed back to Javen's to snuggle, er, um do manly things like hunt and rassle. Friday night was in the books. We would fall asleep watching Ron Burgundy, cuz, well, he's the balls!

Saturday morning is not a welcome thing. I think this sums up the general feel of the room:

Paul comes over and he and Javen pal around, playing on the internets. Bill lies around all hot as I get set to eat a delicious three cheese tuna melt on some Dark German bread. If you want to know what the three cheeses were, you'll have to subscribe to Bitterness Insider.

We sit around the apartment long enough to catch the tip-off of the highly anticipated battle between the Belmont Bruins and the Lipscomb Bisons for the Atlantic Sun Championship.

After that, it's off to Bombers with Javen, Billy and TT for some MAAC Championship pregamin'.


Bombers is a quaint little Burrito Bar in a trendy section of Albany. That's right folks a BURRITO bar! Several types of what some might call, fancy, burritos and tacos on the menu, as well as several fine brews on tap. I ordered a BBQ Pulled Pork Burrito and a Magic Hat Fat Angel.

We all enjoy some delicious beverages, fine conversation, hearty laughs, and some excedrin as we wait for our food!

My burritto came and it was a sight to behold. I quickly had to formulate a plan of attack. I could feel it opening up, unfolding. This was going to get messy. This would take a balance of adept fork maneuvering, rewrapping of the tortilla shell and an utter disregard for making a mess. Bill had far less trouble with his tacos. From there it was on to meet up with Dunford and ECP at the Pepsi Arena for the Siena/ St.Peter's game. In a wild game, Siena lost by one point as it came right down to the buzzer. But Keydren "Kiki" Clark was too much for the Saints, scoring his 3000th point, of his career, not the game (only the 7th player in NCAA history to do so!).

From there it was on to Broadway Joe's. A bar in the Pepsi Arena where went to collect our thoughts and grab some refreshment in the form of $10 pitchers. Ummm, ummm drunker! Paul and Dunford decided they would head back up to the games, while Billy, TT, Javen and myself headed out to see what the Capitol City had to offer. And quickly found that what they had to offer was not great. We went to Jillian's for a quick bite and a couple of beers.

Now Jillian's is sort of chain bar with floors of "fun". We only explored one of them. The restaurant part. Bill made me quickly wonder what exactly was in this beer? We didn't stay long at Jillian's as it was overpriced and the service sucked ass!

We headed back to the Electric City for an EC bar crawl. We dropped TT off at the apartment and Bill, Jav and I were out and about. We would hit several bars in the area for some one and done action. We started off at the Van Dyck a nice little bar the has a lovely ornate fireplace and a large collection of fine brews. Bill needed some energy, so we hit the Night Sky Cafe for Billy to grab a coffee and Javen and I to grab another beer. The cafe was a quaint little place to collect one's thoughts. Well, Bill was reenergized and we were off. We the headed to the Union Inn. Now this was more of a college bar than us old fogies were into, but we stayed for a brew. After about 15 minutes, Javen managed to rassle us up some watered down beers. The best news though, was that we were met here by ECP, who would join us for the rest of this late night adventure. We were out of the Inn and headed to the Mulberry, where suprisingly they had no Busch? This bar appeared to be some sort of bodybuilder bar that might as well have been named the Sausage Factory if you get my drift. Clearly not our scene, we headed to mysterious hole in the wall bar, that Javen and ECP were a-itchin to get to. If only they had, had an idea of how to get there. It was all good though, as we got to see parts of the Electric City they don't show you in the brochures. Anyways we made it to Christy's Saloon, where ECP was happy to see they had Genny readily available for consumption, while Bill and I eyed the karaoke set-up. We drank Gennys and were treated to an abosolutley smashing rendition of Journey's "Faithfully". We did not envy who had to follow that performance. Of course, that was Bill and I singing Billy Joel's "Piano Man". We were not quite as good, but we did get a few scattered claps. A quick note here, the pictures from the saloon are all from the next day as my camera's battery was exhausted, we were not actually there until sunlight, not that we couldn't of been). Anyways we all headed back to javen's for some beer and Arrested Development, "Let the great exxx-pppperi-ment begin!" Saturday was done. Eight more bars in the book.

Sunday we awoke and prepared to watch some college hoops, but not without filling our tanks up with some breakfast foods. So we went to the Brandywine Diner, which has received the ECP stamp of approval. The chocolate milk was phenomenal, the cornbeef hash was the hashiest, the bacon was greasy (in a good way), and the ham and swiss omelet was fluffy and cheesy.

We headed back to Javen's and watched S-U lose to Villanova, then watched about 10 consecutive runs of the America East promotional ad as we eagerly awaited the UAlbany/ New Hampshire America East semifinal. Some of course were more pumped than others. (see pic. to the right) We took in a bit of the game before heading back to the 'Cuse, leaving ECP, Becky, Javen, TT, Simon, Dunford and the Electric City behind......for now.

This trip blog has been sponsored by Artisan Cheeses.

It's Madness I Tell Ya!

Well March is finally here, so let the madness begin! I thought I would start the madness off right with a brand new bag. A new mailbag that is. That's right folks, after such a great response to the first mailbag, I decided to make it a regular thing. But, I digress. I give you.............

Jonathan B. from Connecticut asks, Will, you seem to have a vast knowledge of random 80s sitcom information. So, well I guess what I am trying to ask is, on the sitcom Who's the Boss, who, in fact, was THE boss?

A-oh! Oh-A! Well Jon-a-tin, this is a doozy and I can't say it is a question I haven't spent hours on before. But, well, I just don't want to ruin an upcoming blog. So for now Jon-a-tin you'll just have to keep on a lookout for the answer to this one.


Serge Z. from Chapel Hill, NC writes:
Sorry, my English is not so good, yes. Is JJ Redick, how you say, homo?

Well Serge, this a tricky and touchy subject. Now I have looked at this from many angles and after much trial and tribulation I have come to the conclusion that, well, yes, JJ Redick is in fact gay.

Ken C. of Houston, TX asks, What's the deal with Barry Bonds? I mean are you gonna honestly try and tell me that he got so big drinking milk? Paaaaaaaa-lease!

Well let me just put it this way:

+

=

Hope this clears everything up for both Ken and my loyal readers.





Kyle K. of Philadelphia, PA had this to offer, You've made your love for the Valley widely known, so I gotta ask, who do you like in the conference tourney (known as Arch Madness cuz it's in St. Louis) and how many Valley teams do you feel will get into the Big Dance?

Well I have recently filled out my Valley bracket and let me tell you, it was nothing short of difficult! Now the top 5 or 6 teams all have a legitimate shot at winning the automatic bid. But I'll tell ya, I really like Blake Ahearn and the Missouri State Bears to take it. They will be playing in thier home state and are the hottest team in the conference right now as far as I'm concerned. Plus you know I am a big fan of guys who make their free throws and Ahearn is treeeeeeee-mendous from the charity stripe (95.1% over three seasons, and by the way JJ Redick, ESPN's best FT shooter in the country, only 92% for his career). But really it is a wide open conference tourney. As far who will get in, well I feel like MSU should get in no matter what and their first round match against once ranked Northern Iowa may be UNI's biggest chance to sure up an invitation to the Big Dance. I would say four is a lock and you could make something of a case for 5. Creighton, Wichita State and the Bears should be dancing in a couple of weeks, while UNI, Bradley and Southern Illinois battle for 1, maybe two slots. UNI and SIU looked like locks earlier, but have struggled down the stretch, making Arch Madness extremely important for each esteemed institution. Thanks for the question Kyle.

Jeremy M. of Texas writes: Several blogs ago you were concerned that Syracuse was an iffy tournament team, are you still concerned, even after a win over West Virginia?

Well Jeremy, I am lot less nervous than I was about by alma mater's chances of dancing in March, thanks to the win over the Mountaineers. If I'm drawing up the big bracket, they're in, and it's not just because of my SU bias. You see SU's strength of schedule is top ten, which for those of you scoring at home, is a pretty doggone tough schedule. Sure they split with Cincy and lost to Seton Hall, two fellow Big East bubble teams. But here's the thing folks, in conference games SU played #2 UCONN twice, #8 Pittsburgh twice, and will play #4 Villanova twice, plus one game each against #18 West Virginia and #20 Georgetown. Whereas Seton Hall plays UCONN, West Virginia, Pittsburgh and Villanova once each, with no games against Georgetown! And Cincy, well they play UCONN, Pitt, Nova and Georgetown only once with two games against the Mountaineers and of course two with SU. Now SU has not looked good against these upper tier teams, but only one of SU's losses is really that damaging and that is the one to Seton Hall at home. I feel the Orange deserve to go to the Big Dance, will they go far? Probably not without some Marius Janulis-esque heroics.

Dan D. of Albany, NY took issue with the Police Academy Awards: Look I love "The Gutt" (Steve Guttenburg) as much as the next man,......but let's be real here. Michael Winslow got robbed. Mouth noises and kung fu! The big award for "Gutt" but throw Jonesy a bone, brother.

First off, let me say that I do not beleive that I am in any way related to you and am definitely not your brother. Now let me just say that I am a big fan of Michael Winslow's work, but Jonesy was in a tough category to begin with and the voting was very close. Unfortunately I think the voters took into account that Winslow appeared in not only Mission to Moscow but also the televsion series, but not the animated series. Many Police Academy fans don't exactly embrace the Moscow Mission, nor the TV series and this definitely hurt Jones' stock. The question you really should be asking is who is already signed on for the 2007 Police Academy movie already in pre-production. And the answer, because I like to keep my readers informed, is Guttenburg, Winslow, Gaynes, Kazurinsky, Graf, Smith, Ramsey, Easterbrook, Kinsey and Bailey are all in like flint! And yes it is true that Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell were only offered the Miami Vice remake because Winslow and Guttenburg turned it down.

Alright, our last one comes from Paul H. of the historic stockade region of Schenectady, NY:
That's how you (expletive deleted) blog!

Thanks for input Paul, but watch that language, son, this a family blog.

Alright kids, that wraps up another mailbag, keep that mail a comin and until my next blog, keep your ears to the grindstone.

FACE-OFF!

As Black History Month draws to a close, "Bitterness" emerges with a new segment that will either be a raging success or go horribly awry. And on a quick sidenote, why does no one care that it's not "African-American History Month"? I mean any time someone calls a person "Black" they get all, "It's African American, you dumb crackah!" Anyways, the working title of the segment is "Face-Off", but this has a good chance of both entertaining and, more importantly, educating. You see each week I will pit two opposing parties (people, events, socio-political parties, etc.) against each other in a no holds barred battle to the death. Okay well that's a tad bit extreme, but you get the picture. Or maybe you don't. Well, why don't I just get the ball rolling with the innaugaral match-up, and you can just catch up as you follow along. In honor of the last day of Black History month, I have decided to put two great African-American entertainers up against each other to see which one really measures up in the tale of the tape. So here it is, history in the making, the first ever Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch "Face-Off", 80s Black History edition:
_GARY COLEMAN VS. EMMANUEL LEWIS_______________


ARNOLD JACKSON AGAINST WEBSTER LONG






Let me start by saying this is GC vs. Manny in the 80s.
Well let's get right down to it. Will start with the biggie:
HEIGHT:
GC towers over 4'3 Webster at 4'8.
Point: Coleman

AGE:
Coleman is also three years older than the lovable Emmanuel. Point Emmanuel

ADOPTIVE TV FAMILY:
Well this is a tough one. Phillip Drummond or Maam and George Papadapolis. While Mr. Drummond was stinkin rich, George was a an ex-NFLer and could kick Mr. Drummond's old white hindquarters. This one is a toss-up!





NON SITCOM WORK:
Well GC had a few stellar movie roles in "The Kid from Left Field", "The Kid with the Broken Halo", "The Kid with a 200 I.Q.". In each of these movies he starred with the great Robert Guillaume, aka Benson, aka the head honcho on ABC's "Sports Night". While Emmanuel only really starred as himself after "Webster". Although the Surreal Life certainly sent Emmanuel's stock up, up, up! One point doesn't do this category justice. So it goes to Emmanuel 10-7

AWKWARD/SCARY TV MOMENT:
You may already know where this one is going. Arnold Jackson and his pal Dudley, narrowly avoiding being molested by Gordon Jump. This tops anything that has ever happened to EL, even having to live with Corey Feldman. Webster did have his moments as well. He was bed wetter and burned down the Papadapolis' aprtment, but this lead to big house, which he thought initially to be haunted. Dudley's shirt off gives this category to GC 10-4

THE CLINCHER!!!:

GAME..................SET....................MATCH TO MR. COLEMAN!

For Pete's Sake!

On February 29th, 1968, in Bemidji, Minnesota, Bob and Jan Fenson gave birth to an American hero. Their child, young Peter Fenson (pictured on your left), started his life off on the kookiest, of kooky days. I mean born on a Leap Day for crying out loud! The kid was destined for greatness. Raised in the land of a thousand lakes, Fenson would, soon enough, take to the winter sports that make Minnesota, well, Minnesota. But unlike other Minnesotanites, Minnesotas, Minnesotans, like Mike Ramsey, Dave Christian or Brandon Walsh, it was not the game of hockey that was Fenson's fancy. You see at the tender age of thirteen, Pete took to the little known sport of curling.

A sport not known to much of the United States, curling may have seemed like a strange choice to most others, but not for a resident Bemidjian. Now you probably know of the mighty Bemidji State Beavers hockey powerhouse, but what you may not know is that Bemidji, Minnesota is "Curling Town USA." So it was no surprise the Pete took the sport that is now sweeping the nation. In fact the USA Curling website has had over 12 million hits since the start of this particular Winter Olympiad. But, back to Pete.

In addition to being the owner and operator of Dave's Pizza (making him an instant favorite at BIAFYCC), he is also the skip for the United States Olympic Curling team. The skip is like the quarterback or point guard of the curling team. The skip is the player who holds the broom as a target for shots by the other three players. But more importantly, the skip is the team strategist and must read the ice, anticipate the amount of curl and call the shots. He's sort of like Leon's character in Cool Runnings. Fenson has the U.S. Team poised for a run at an Olympic Medal in '06. Pete Fenson: Husband, father, son, brother, pizza shop owner, Olympic curler and one heeeeeeeeelllllllllllllof a model American!


Here's to you Pete Fenson! Do our country proud!!

Where's the Dome Ranger when you need him?!

The original title of this blog was going to be, "You can't spell suck without S-U!" , but I thought this may be a tad bit harsh. After all, the Orange do have 17 wins and could still make the NCAA tournament. For now I'll just reserve the s-word for those truly deserving of it, like poor 3-win Prarie View or the "good" teams I love to hate, like Duke and UCLA. The original title was just the first thing that popped into my head after watching the Orange fall at the hands of the Cincinnati Bearcats in a most pathetic fashion. I am of course, if you haven't already figured it out, talking about the Syracuse University men's basketball team.

You see, the Orange, are on "the bubble", a term used to denote those teams who's shot at getting into the NCAA Tournament is still more or less up in the air. SU has, for the better part of my lifetime, been placed in the upper echelon of men's college basketball programs. Never what I would consider a powerhouse, but a solid program that much of the time has a very good chance at making the Final Four of the NCAA tournament. Jim Boeheim is a Hall Of Fame coach with a resume that includes three trips to the Final Game and one National Championship. They have plenty of history, great players, great games, etc. But the SU team that I watched lose by double digits to Cincy on Wednesday was to put it bluntly, pa-thetic. The Orange have not managed, any sort of quality win to guarantee a spot in the NCAA field of 65. Their one win against a top 50 team was at Cincinnati, back in January. This was, however, a Bearcats team that was battered and riddled with injuries, hardly an impressive "W". Now not only have they not had a convincing win, but their games against top 50 teams have been, for the most part, train wrecks. They haven't been playing with any heart, and heart is what it takes to navigate your way into and through the NCAA Tournament. That and some talent, which SU definitely has. With 3 of their last 5 games being against ranked opponents and the other being against fellow bubble team Louisvlle, it's not looking good for the Orange. Saturday's matchup against Louisville at the Dome has turned into what many consider a must win for the Orange.

Rumor has it the Big East will get seven invites to the Big Dance. Now Connecticut, Villanova, West Virginia, Pittsburgh and Georgetown are all locks to make the tourney, leaving two more slots from the Big Beast. The Orange are battling with Marquette, Cincinnati, Seton Hall and Louisville for those remaing invites. Now while SU has been losing to the likes of Seton Hall and Cincinnati, Seton Hall and Marquette have been adding key wins, knocking off the likes of ranked opponents, West Virginia and Georgetown respectively. SU has games against both the Hoyas and Mountaineers still to come. Add the regular season finale against #4 Villanova and it doesn't look good for the guys in orange, white and blue. So you can see, why, as an SU fan, I'm a little concerned. Which is why Saturday is a must have for them. And if they don't play with a little heart and a lot of urgency, March 5th's game against 'Nova won't be their last home game of the season. They'll get to host an NIT game. And nothing short of the Dome Ranger, himself, will be able to save them.

Let's pull together for TBA!

If you don't know what the title of thie blog is in reference too than you have not been watching your Arrested Development! Well tonight February 10th, 2006 is the season, and possibly, the series finale of this great show! You see the Fox Network, which has given us such quality programming as Skating With Celebrities, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee, etc., has more or less decided it will not be picking up AD for another season. A travesty in itself, but that is not the main reason I am p.o.ed! Allow me to elaborate:

You see Fox has not even given AD a chance to survive in the Newtwork jungle. As you may have already heard from my good chum Bill, anyone who watches several episodes of this show, will have a love affair with it as if it were an ice cream sandwich! But it's hard to see several episodes when you have know idea when the EFF it's on!! You see AD originally aired on a Sunday, Fox's primetime jewel. Sunday is the day that has been carried by The Simpsons' for over a decade. This was a good idea, or was it. You see with nothing else of note being after The Simpsons, there was nothing to keep your average viewer glued to the idiot box! You see Fox was trying to make there Sunday like NBC's Must See TV Thursday a day where NBC had Friends at 8pm and Seinfeld at 9pm, with the ever popular ER at 10pm. The rationale here is that TV viewers are so simple minded that they wouldn't change the channel at 8:30 or 9:30, but would just stare at the tube for another half hour watching whatever drivel they chose to put on the air. Sadly, this was true the 8 and 9:30 slots were also sucesses. What a country! Anyways, back to FOX. You see their Sundays have been an utter mess ever since X-Files left the coveted Sunday lineup. Shows have come and gone since, with The Simpsons being the one constant. One of the shows is of course AD. Now this brilliant piece of television was put on at 9:30 right before, are you ready?, drum roll please.........the FOX News at 10. Not exactly a banana grabber, eh? Okay that's FOX's strike one!

Now towards the end of season one, FOX started to air some episodes sporadically, slowly foreshadowing it's eventual move from Sundays. Now the last episode of season one aired on June 6, 2004, only a little over a month after the previous episode (4/25/04). Now that's a good build-up to a season finale, if in fact their had been build-up of any sort. You see this episode, I did not see until I bought the DVDs. Now FOX does a great job of annoyingly promoting all their other shows. You know when your watching a football game and they throw that huge promo on the screen for Skating with Celebrities, a show that they probably just had an ad for to begin with. But where was this overkill promo for Arrested Development? FOX had pretty much decided to cut its losses, so to speak and it appeared that AD was in danger of going the way of the dodo. But alas, it would return for a second season.

SEASON TWO:
Season two came back on Sundays and stayed there for the whole season. And although season two had four fewer episodes than season one, it stayed in the same time slot and they even accounted for a three week long hiatus by airing two, that's right TWO new episodes on one crazy night. But of course season two ended under the same threat of cancellation as season one did and once again it would be up to the AD faithful to Save our Bluths. And the Bluthophiles came out in numbers and season three would be on the way! HAZAH!

Now it is important for me to mention here, that FOX did make a smart move in trying to help the show. During the summer they aired the previous season's episodes in a two-hour block on Friday nights. This was a great way to give the show some much needed exposure. FOX actually shows brief signs of intelligent life. Okay, now on to season three.

SEASON THREE:
Season three is where FOX really drops the cornball. You see they decided to move it off of Sundays and on to Mondays. STRIKE TWO!!! Mondays???!!! Now the Bluths would be pitted against King of Queens a show with a steady and loyal following which includes yours truly. While they throw shows like American Dad (about one-third as funny as Family Guy), The War at Home (which had its moments, but Michael Rappaport can't carry a show), into the Sunday night lineup. Neither of these shows is even fit to carry the cut-off shorts of our favorite never-nude. Which brings us to today, when I find out that tonight is the season/series finale. There were no ads, no warnings, no hints, clues, etc. letting me know this was happening. I only found out through the internet that tonight would be a two-hour season finale. STRIKE THREE FOX!! And for those of you who aren't aware of what this two-hour episode is up against, tonight is the opening cermonies for the Twentieth Winter Olympiad in Turin, Italy. Now I personally could care less about the Olympics, except for curling, a real man's sport, since I plan on going out and getting Billy drunk so he can forget that he is now officially the big 3-0. Happy Birthday Bill!! But had I not checked the web I would not of even have thought to DVR anything, I mean it's Friday after all. I would have missed out on 120 minutes of cornholing madness! I mean where does FOX get off burying a two-hour season finale against the Olympic opening ceremony!! So to this I say let's go ABC and pick up Arrested Development! For the rest of you, set your VCRs, your DVRs, your TiVos for what could be the last two hours of AD on FOX!!! And FOX, well you can go eff yourself!! Save our Bluths!!!

Stay Bitter, Planet Earth!

Stupor Bowl

Hellooooooooo sports fans! The Super Bowl is just over two days away, so it is time for everyone to start finalizing their plans for the big day. Break out the chips, pizzas, party subs, beer as it is time to eat, drink and be merry, oh, and if you care to, take in a little football. For those not really interested in the actual game there is plenty you can do to make it a an interesting game and turn the Super Bowl into your own personal Stupor Bowl. Intrigued? Allow me to elaborate:

Well, alcohol makes everything better, so here are some drinking games that'll keep you focused on the "boob tube" during the big game:

1) THE COMMERCIAL DRINKING GAME:
Now this is a game for the whole family. We all know that Super Bowl Sunday is the stage for some, supposed, "brilliant" commercials. Some new, some old. Often times these are more entertaining than the game itself, especially for those none to enthused about the game in the first place. Here's whatcha do- Have everyone at your Super Bowl party/gathering pick a product, like Pepsi or Geico or something and everytime an ad for this comes on the screen, DRINK! Now you can mix it up and have some variations if you want. Like everyone has a specific type of product like beer, cola, insurance, etc. Orrrrr you can have everyone pick a specific brand of a certain product. So everyone will have a beer, cola, automobile, etc. on their commercial drinking lineup. For instance you could have Heineken, Pontiac, and Pepsi or Budweiser, Ford and Mr. Pibb. Okay, so picking obscure products, unlikely to have SB commercials probably shouldn't be allowed. So Mr. Pibb, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Deloreans, Yugo, etc. should be "off the table". Although if you are smart you will have PBR and Mr. Pibb readily available at your party. Add-in some red vines for some crazy deliciousness.

2) THE STORYLINES GAME:
This one should be spearheaded by someone who has been following the past two weeks of "pre-game" hoop-la. A sidenote here, " Bronco Nagurski didn't need no bye week...and now he's dead!"-Moe S.. Okay so this one is fairly easy. Usually there are several "interesting" storylines that will be reoccurring themes throughout the two weeks, that are sure to be talked about during the big game. For instance last year everytime they called Belichik a "genius" you would drink. A big one this year has to do with "The Bus" Jerome Bettis' (as pictured) and his return to his childhood home for the Super Bowl, which could quite possibly be his last game. Every mention of Bettis being from Detroit warrants a drink. The whole Joey "The Ass" Porter and Jeremy Stevens exchange of words is another thing sure to be mentioned on several occassions throughout the game. You can pick the storylines you wish to use, these are just a couple of examples for ya.

3) PICK-A-TEAM
This is probably the simplest game to play as well as the hardest to keep up on. The best part is, anyone can play, without knowing a lick about the game of football or the teams involved. Whatcha do,is pick one of the SB XL combatants. Next you set up what you want to determine when you drink. Confused? Okay, well you have to decide what you want as criterion for drinking. Like touchdowns, interceptions, punts, safeties, etc. So say you were to pick the Seahawks and it's one drink for a turnover, you would drink for each Seahawk turnover. Now obvioulsy you would drink for things that hurt your selected team, like turnovers, punts, scores against. Stuff like safeties, clipping penalties would be worth more drinks, being rarer that say a first down. Now the number of drinks and stats yopu want to use are up to you. Of course one flaw in this one, is if the game is a blowout (which it won't be) only one side is really drinking. That's when you count kickoffs as turning the ball over to even up the score a bit.

4) FLASHBACKS
Actually, this is probably the easiest to play. Everytime there is a flashback or allusions to Super Bowls past, drink. You can make it real interesting by picking more specific flashbacks, like everytime they show stock footage of Terry Bradshaw or Neil O'Donnell, drink!

5) SHOCK-EEEEEEEEEEEEY
The Shockey drinking game should always be in effect, especially when he is not playing. With JS not even being in any way involved in this one, the ante is upped. This means you drink four, every time he is mentioned or shown. Watch out for the double "dang-it!" if you have Hungry-Man in the commercial game as well


Well these are just a few ideas to keep that Super Bowl Party lively and flowing along nicely. Feel free to use any variations you like, and if you have any other fun games, ideas, etc. for the Extra-Large Super Bowl, let me know, I'd love to hear 'em.

GO SEAHAWKS!!!

You Down With MVC?!

Well we're a little more than a month away from the NCAA Tourney. If you don't know what sport this tourney is for, kindly step away from my blog now. Now sure, the Super Bowl is closer, being but days away, but the Pats are out and I don't really follow the hype going in to the big game. Granted, a lot of people seem too be disinterested in this year's matchup, but, well I digress, that's another blog for another day (probably Friday). The Super Bowl will just be another lazy sunday. So I am now in college basketball mode.

I've been reading articles, checking records and stats, filling my head with all sorts of college hoops knowledge that can only hinder me in making my picks after selection Sunday. I hardly feel knowing Blake Ahearn's free throw percentages will help me out come March, but I like that I know. Ahh Blake Ahearn the top free-throw shooter in D-I college hoops last year. That's right folks! The TOP free throw shooter, even better than America's favorite beat poet! Blake Ahearn is not a recognizable name to a majority of college basketball fans, but in the Missiourri Valley Conference he is one of the marquee names.

Now I know I am in no way the first, nor hopefully, the last person to jump on the MVC bandwagon. It has received quite a bit of notoriety over the past few seasons, due, most notably, to the Creighton Blue Jays and the Southern Illinois Salukis. The Salukis rode their glass slipper to the 2002 Sweet 16 right here in Syracuse and you may remember Kyle Korver leading the Blue Jays to a 2002 first round upset of a ranked Florida Gators team. Korver is in the NBA now while Nate Funk (injured for most of the season) filling his shoes as the name every college hoops guru knows from the MVC. "The Valley" is the number six conference in the rpi, number three in the wmpr (willie moe power rankings). Northern Iowa is #25 in the AP Poll (before tonight's loss to the Blue Jays) and the conference could get four teams into the tourney. So if you ain't familiar with the MVC, you will be.

But enough of the numbers and stats. I want to be there, in the thick of all that great "Valley" action. The Qwest Center in Omaha looks gorgeous and the other schools are slowly coming along with state of the art venues themselves. So I am making it my mission to get out there for some high scoring mid-major, midwest action. The passion, the heart, it's all pure gold! So who's comin' with me?

God bless the Valley, and god bless college basketball!

Ranking Blowhards

The other day I just happened upon Dr. Z's rankings of the NFL announcing teams. I gotta say I was pretty much in agreement right down the line. Especially with his grading of ESPN's Sunday night team.

Paul Maguire of course was one-third of the most useless announcing teams around. The good doctor did however leave off one of my favorites. They are a bit below the radar, but I thought they deserved there props.

This Blog Sucks??!!

It's been quite awhile since my last blog and there are a lot of things I need to get off my chest. So I will briefly and erratically touch on many things in this blog, so try and keep up. Now since my last blog I have been drinking, toasted, bojanglin, and on more than one occassion no one has cared what I thought. On that note, for the first time ever on Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch, I'm opening up the old mailbag:

William Herbert from Rochester, NY asks:
We all know that you are a die hard New England Patriots fan, and also that you have a tendency to lash out in fits of bitter rage, so did "Bitter Willie" make an appearance as the Denver Broncos ended the Patriots' current reign?

Excellent question William. "Bitter Willie" has actaully been on hiatus and has made very few appearences over the past few months. Something that, I know, comes as a major disappointment to my many readers (at least five in number). But allow me to touch on that fateful Saturday night. I watched the game with my chums, Toastie and Kyle. I was just getting drunk and having a grand old time. Now while I was dismayed and the demise of the Patriots, I was not THAT upset. I mean the Patriots have won three of the past Super Bowls, and that's not too shabby. It was, however, disappoining how they pretty much handed that game to the Broncos, basically on a silver platter. The Broncos, did not outplay them and that is still frustrating no matter how many times they've won before. But it was hard to cheer against that sweet, sweet beard of Jake Plummer.

Pete R. asks:
Who do you like in Super Bowl XL so I can bet against them?

Now, I thought once the Kitna era was ushered out in Seattle, it would be the beginning of the end for the Seahawks organization. But alas they were able to turn it around. So mark my words, the Seattle Seahawks will win Super Bowl XL by a score of 34-24.

George Micheal B. asks:
Why are quality programs like Arrested Development and the Office always in jeopardy of being cancelled, while crap like That 70s Shows, Skating With Celebrities or Stacked remain on the air.

Ah, I'm glad you asked George Micheal. You see people are stupid, that's the bottom line. You see the people who think these shows aren't good and want them off the air should be scalded by a Cornballer!


Tim C. from Oregon writes:
Your blog sucks.

Thanks Tim, always great to meet a fan.

Javen B. of Schenectady has a two-part question:
Who will win the MAAC and Why are you so bitter?

Thanks for the question Jav, they're both real head scratchers. Iona looks strong right now, but Manhattan is a MAAC powerhouse. I think Loyola is an outside possibility, although they barely held on against Rider yesterday. Look for the Gaels to take the regular season title, but the MAAC tourney is where they separate the men for the boys, look for the upset special from the Golden Griffins of Canisius. As for the bitterness thing, well I just don't know.

Well I think that's about all from the mailbag for one day.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Okay so, you knew it was coming, so get that look of surprise of your face! Johnny Damon is a Yankee, and I'm pissed off. I'm mad at Damon, the Yankees and most of all the Red Sox management and ownership. So this will be a quick three part blog.

Part One: Yankees suck!
I'll just get this out of the way. It's the easiest one, and really it has nothing to do with them signing Damon. As you may know I pretty much loathe/ despise the Yankees and everything about them. They did what they had to do, but I still hate them. And that's all I have to say about that.

Part Two: Damon is an ass!
All that talk about team unity and wanting to win again in Boston is purely bs. Is there no loyalty in sports at all! It seemed pretty apparent that Damon would not be spending 2006 in Boston, but the Yankees! THE YANKEES!!! I mean you can't go from talking trash about the Yankees, brawling with the Yankees, helping to defeat the Yankees en route to the first World Series victory in Boston since 1918, to becoming a Yankee! Well, apparently you can.

Part Three: What were the Sawx thinking?
The Yankees gave Damon $52 million over 4 years, a number the Sawx could easily have coughed up. There problem was with the length of the contract. Huh? Last time I checked contracts were just a formality. How many athletes actually fullfill their original contracts these days? That and the fact that we've yet to see any major decline in Damons numbers. I mean Julio Franco is 87 years old and he's still going strong. There's also that slight problem of the Red Sawx having no one to play centerfield. Yeah, way to think it through. No need for a lead off hitter who hits over .300 and can drive in 75 runs. And what about lifelong Red Sawx fan Matt Damon? All those shirts and jerseys he may have with the name Damon on the back, must now be destroyed. So to 'lil Matty Damon I say, "I feel your pain and hope this will not hinder in any way the making of Ocean's 13 or the Bourne Insanity."

Et tu Jesus!

Don't worry, his power is in his hair, just like Samson!

Seasons Greetings

Today, a touch of holiday bitterness to give your egg nog a little kick! Now this isn't your run of the mill (and Danny I expect you to tell us where the phrase "run of the mill" origianted from) rant about the malls being packed, the people being annoying , etcetera, etcetera. Now don't get me wrong, much of that holiday hustle and bustle makes me bitter, that's for damned sure. After all I do work in retail. But today is not the day for that bitterness. Well, sort of. You see I want to talk about this "Happy Holidays" horse pucky. You know what I'm talking about, this politically correct flim flam about stores and companies not putting up signs and decorations that will wish the consumer a Merry Christmas, so as to not offend your average Joel Goldensteinberg! I mean for Islam's sake!

Now I understand that when everyone would freely display their "Merry Christmas" banners and decorations, a lot of Jewish people were upset and felt slighted. For they of course do not celebrate one day of Christmas, but eight crazy nights of Channukah. And you don't want to piss off lawyers, bankers and Hollywood that's for sure. So, the next step of course is to display both Channukah and Christmas decorations. Surely this would be the perfect solution and everyone would be happy. In an ideal world, sure, but not in America, land of diversity. You see, we forgot the most storied holiday of all! That's right folks, Kwanzaa.

Kwanzaa is a holiday I'm not all that familiar with. In fact I'd never heard of it 'til about five years ago. I do not know anyone who celebrates it or anything about it. But someone celebrates it, so it must be acknowledged. So in the customer service industry we must adhere to saying "Happy Holidays" in order to encompass everyone's beliefs. So now we have definitely solved the problem, everyone's happy, right? Wrong again, my friends. Cause see now certain Christmas folks are unhappy about the words Happy Holiday. Mad because stores and places are displaying Happy Holidays and not Merry Christmas! In Rochester, for example, they are actually protesting Target, Build-a-Bear Workshop and Lowe's, just to name a few for having Happy Holidays and not Merry Christmas on their holiday items and decortaions. No to all these people I say, "get over yourselves!"

If I want to wish Merry Christmas to a Jewish person, they should not be offended. Christmas is December 25th, each and every year. Christmas day is marked on just about every calendar (as is Channukah). Christmas day is still Christmas day, whether or not you celebrate it. December 25th IS Christmas! It's like if I say "God Bless You" when an atheist sneezes, and said atheist replies angrily, "I don't believe in God!" Well, ya know what I do, and I can ask him to bless whoever I feel like. If someone were to wish me a Chappy Channukah, I would not be offended. I would say Shalom or Mahtzultav (not sure how that's spelled?) and be on my way. In no way are these words intended to impart or force a culture upon people, so everyone needs to lighten up! No one is ignoring or slighting Christmas, by saying Happy Holidays. Maybe they did not notice that those giant trees are not for Channukah or Kwanzaa. Those jolly fat guys in the red suits in every single shopping mall are not lighting menorahs. In fact, how many people who celebrate Christmas actually believe in God or go to church??? I think we lost the true meaning and spirit of this holiday to capitalism and big business a long time ago. Also how does JC being Jewish fit into the protesters picture. I'm sure the son of God would be fine with being issued a, Happy Holidays, a Chappy Channukah or a Merry Christmas, although Happy Birthday would probably be more appropriate. So if people don't lighten up, where will all this end? Getting Charlie Brown off the air because there are no Jewish people in the Peanuts gang? Suing the Dr. Seuss estate because no made up creatures are trying to steal Kwanzaa?? Well I will tell you this much....if Charlie Brown did have a Channukah special, Javen would own it! And Javen celebrates (drum roll please).....Christmas! So have a Chappy Christmas, a Merry Channukah, a killer Kwanzaa and a B-E-A-Utiful Boxing Day!