WEEK 7:

BEARS VS BUCCANEERS (+1) (IN LONDON, ENGLAND): Those blimey Brits are in for a real treat, as we send them Jay Cutler. That should put a quick end to that whole "Ugly Americans" thing! To me the game is kind of cool, but why not try and move it around? Maybe to more old homes of World League of American Football teams? Frankfurt, Barcelona maybe even the rebooted WLAFers in Rhein and Amsterdam? Who wouldn't want to see a skirmish in Frankfurt's gorgeous Waldstadion? Come on! Do it for WLAF superstar Kerwin Bell! BEARS 27-20

REDSKINS @ PANTHERS (-2.5): Point of order, Peter King and the rest of the talking heads, Kurt Coleman did not single-handedly save (possibly) the Eagles season. I think Rex Grossman deserves more credit than he is getting for the Eagles "big" win on Sunday. He was riverboat gamblin', like only a professional riverboat gambler, could riverboat gamble! Riverboat gambler! John Beck was most assuredly adequate in taking over for Sexy Rexy on Sunday, but if I'm a Redksins fan, I'm not super confident in either QB leading them anywhere but to the land of mediocrity. PANTHERS 21-17

CHARGERS @ JETS (+2): Unsexy Rexy got his team back on track a little, by beating the Dolphins, and while the Dolphins are pretty much crud personified, a win is a win. But if the Jets wannna be contenders, they have to be concerned that the 3 teams they beat have a combined record of 3-13, while the team they've lost to are 13-3. Sadly, looking at the Jets schedule from here, I'm not sure this is a must win for the Jets. It would be a big one heading into the bye week, but after the bye, aside from 2 games against Buffalo and one against the Patriots, they have it fairly easy- Broncos, Chiefs, Redskins, Dolphins, Eagles Giants. Now the NFC East teams are inconsistent so you don't know what you're gettin', but as of right now, the Jets could get to 9-7 without beating a winning team. CHARGERS 28-20

SEAHAWKS @ BROWNS (-3): The Niners should be watching this closely as a Seahawks loss puts the Niners magic number at 8! Yes the NFC west is bad. As Frank Caliendo, as George W. Bush, said, " Leading the NFC West is like being the most famous Menefee." I keep waiting for Colt McCoy to go off or for Peyton Hills to help my gosh darned fantasy team by doing ANYTHING! But, alas, neither has quite happened yet. Could this be the week? Probably not, but I like the Brownies over the Hawks, regardless. BROWNS 24-16

TEXANS @ TITANS (-3): Pretty big game in the AFC South, what with the Colts and Jaguars being more or less non-entities this year. A rested and refreshed Matt Hasselbeck against the Mario Williams-less Texans. This could probably go either way, but I am going for the rested Titans. TITANS 25-21

BRONCOS @ DOLPHINS (-1.5): Well, this should be, hands down, the "game I could not care less about" for week seven. But Tim Tebow is playing! I mean did the odds makers completely forget this when making the spread? The spread should be the Broncos by 57! Tim Tebow, walks on water! Tim Tebow can eat just one potato chip! Tim Tebow is the cure for Bieber Fever! Tim Tebow throws footballs through brick walls....with his non-throwing hand! It takes Tim Tebow 30 seconds to make Minute Rice! But seriously, he's wildly overrated and I am glad the media has kept this story in check and not blown it out of all sorts of proportions. BRONCOS 87-3

FALCONS @ LIONS (-3.5): The Falcons continue to disappoint me, but were able to put the Panthers away last week. The Lions were handed their first loss, but I still think they're the real deal. Besides the Falcons have not won two games in a row yet this season! LIONS 31-27

CHIEFS @ RAIDERS (-4.5): Well if the Radiers are for real or not, will not be proven this week against the lowly Chiefs. Even with Hesiman running the offense (that reference is for the die hard "Bitterness" fans). And is it just me or does it seem like a really long time ago that KC won the AFC West? Apparently it was just last season? RAIDERS 35-20

STEELERS @ CARDINALS (+3.5): Just one of two, yes TWO, games between teams that have met each other in a Super Bowl. And they both figure to be equally un-compelling games. This is not of those games where I give the Cards no chance because I am somehow under the delusion the Steelers are ridiculously great. No, no. I give the Cards no chance cause they're terrible. STEELERS 24-17


RAMS @ COWBOYS (-12): This one slides right into this week's, "Game I Could Not Care Less About" spot. COWBOYS 42-12

PACKERS @ VIKINGS (-9): Easy first game for Christian Ponder against the undefeated, defending Super Bowl champs. Good luck with all of that. PACKERS 27-14

COLTS @ SAINTS (-14): Super Bowl, um, something or other, rematch looked great before Peyton Manning went under the knife. Saints should downright cruise, not sure why they wouldn't. But I still stay away from a spread this big. SAINTS 28-17

RAVENS @ JAGUARS (+7.5): Really? Someone actually thought the Jaguars deserved a Monday night game? At home? This is shaping up to be one of the worst years for Monday Night Football that I can remember. RAVENS 31-13

Next week, extra cheese!

WEEK SIX: GAME OF KITNAS

RAMS @ PACKERS (-15): The Rams have been less than impressive for the most part and the Packers are pretty darned good. The Packers have to be the front runners for the NFC crown at this point and I don't foresee their first loss coming this week. PACKERS 31-17

JAGUARS @ STEELERS (-12): Much to my surprise the Steelers trounced the Titans last week. I'm pretty entertained by the fact that when the Steelers lose they're too old, and when they win they're not too old at all. Well, I still think they're getting old and are overrated, but the Jaguars are rated just right and that bodes well for the Steelers. STEELERS 21-13

EAGLES @ REDSKINS (+1.5): Panic time in Philly! I repeat, time to PANIC, Eagles! Another must win for the Eagles here against the Skins in our nation's capital. It appears the Eagles are just overrated. Vick is good though and at some point you gotta figure the Eagles will turn it on and string some wins together. My bet? It starts this week. EAGLES 27-17

49ERS @ LIONS (-4): A battle between two of the early season upstarts. The Niners are fairly good, but I feel like the Lions are much more legit. The Niners defense will certainly have their work cut out for them, as they try and contain Megatron, who is well on his way to setting the single season receiving touchdowns record. LIONS 23-14

PANTHERS @ FALCONS (-4): I continue to try aNd have faith in the Falcons, but there's just something about them that screams mediocrity. This is why this is my upset special this week. I mean Figgy can really toss the pigskin and the Panthers are bound to get some big wins eventually, so why not this week? PANTHERS 27-21

COLTS @ BENGALS (-7): Not much faith in Curtis Painter I guess, huh? Kind of feels like Peyton Manning should be the MVP for not playing. I mean, look at how valuable he was to the Colts! Well Curtis Painter is no Peyton Manning and Andy Dalton is no Akili Smith! The Bengals are not gawd awful and I don't think the Colts are as gawd awful as most people think. Hope that clears things up. BENGALS 24-21

BILLS @ GIANTS (-3): Ah, a rematch of an umentionable game to Buffaloians. Buffaloans? Buffaloers? Ah well, that game is far in the past (yet never forgotten). Giants lost gloriously last week, when their bold strategy to not cover a Seahawks receiver backfired late in the game. Meanwhile the Bills got right back on track with a win against Philly and are looking solid. BILLS 23-17

TEXANS @ RAVENS (-7.5): The Texans fell short against the Raiders last week and lost Mario Williams....not good times in Houston. The Ravens are for reals, me thinks and they will beat up on dem reelin' Texans. RAVENS 24-14

BROWNS @ RAIDERS (-6.5): Well my 0-5 fantasy team is riding on McCoy and Hillis this week to get us in the "W" column. McCoy and Hillis sounds like it would be a cool cowboy show. Or perhaps a buddy cop show set in Texas or Wyoming. RAIDERS 28-24

COWBOYS @ PATRIOTS (-7): Patriots added a consistent running game against the Jets last week and if they keep that up it could be Bad News Bears, Walter Matthau for the rest of the league. The Cowboys have been very, well, Cowboyesque, being wildly inconsistent that is. It will be no picnic for the Romosexual and the Boys on Sunday that's for darned sure. PATRIOTS 31-22

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS (+4.5): The Buccaneers have come down to earth, as it were, the last couple of weeks. Of course if you weren't buying into the talking heads' Hypemaster 5000 , and were buying into the Talkng Heads' More Songs About Buildings and Food, you'd know the Bucs were on the earth the entire time and the Talking Heads are awesome. SAINTS 35-17

Ugh, as for the Sunday and Monday night games, I really think they are both horrible games althought they could end up being close, who knows? But that's about all I have to say about that.

VIKINGS @ BEARS (-3): BEARS 24-10

DOLPHINS @ JETS (-7) : JETS 14-10

WEEK FIVE: ROCK'EM SOCK'EM KITNA

Less games, less "Bitterness". Or at least that will be my excuse for a slightly abbreviated post this week. The real excuse is, like so many of you, I will be waiting in line for tickets to repeated showings of Real Steel, aka Rock'em Sock'em Robots: The Movie. Don't try and deny it, I know some of you are reading this on your smart phones while you wait in line to be one of the first on your block to see it, right now! So with this epic surefire Oscar winner out in theaters, I'm gonna go all board game on your respective behinds this week! Milton Bradley and the Parker Brothers will be proud! Like wth many other weeks, I flipped a coin to decide almost every game.

CHIEFS @ COLTS (-2.5): UNO! That is the number of wins these teams have. Combined. The Colts have shown some moxie, but are in desperate need of one of them "reverse" cards to change their luck. CHIEFS 23-19

CARDINALS @ VIKINGS (-2.5): The Vikings are all hungry, hungry hippos for that first win and just like last week, I think this is the week! VIKINGS 28-21

EAGLES @ BILLS (+2.5): Bills took their first loss last week, so they ain't in Candyland anymore! Yeah, I have no idea what that means. BILLS 23-18

RAIDERS @ TEXANS (-6): You may want to Skip-"bo" watching this one, but it could be an interesting battle as the Raiders look like they may be feisty most of the season. TEXANS 34-27

SAINTS @ PANTHERS (+6.5): Feels like this could be a classic "mouse" trap game. Panthers have been close and Cam Newton has been ridonkulous for the most part. This could be similar to the battle against the Texans, somehow. SAINTS 38-35

BENGALS @ JAGUARS (-2.5): The Bengals have been up and down like a mad game of Chutes and Ladders. Two rookie QBs lock horns in this one and it seems like anyone's game. I'm going with the Bengals and their momentum. BENGALS 24-20

TITANS @ STEELERS (-3): Your rock'em sock'em slugfest of the week! CJ broke 100 yards last week, but just when he gets goin, he faces the Steelers D who have given up like two 100-yd rushing games to a back in their last 852 games. I am looking into confirming that number, but it sure looks like Turn and Coughlin is headed to 0-5. Sigh. TITANS 17-11

SEAHAWKS @ GIANTS (-9.5): Yahtzee! This is this week's "game I could not care less about!" GIANTS 27-20

BUCCANEERS @ 49ERS (-3): Buccaneers, do not pass "GO", do not collect your fourth win, the 49ers will have a monopoly on the good plays in this one. NINERS 21-14

JETS @ PATRIOTS (-9): Belichik and Rex Ryan will engage in Stratego like battle once again. This could go either way and I am not seeing where this spread came from. While the Pats still have last year's playoff game in the back of their minds their defense has played quite awfully thus far. PATRIOTS 31-28

CHARGERS @ BRONCOS (+4): SORRR-y, Broncos, you just aren't good enough. Is this the week we see Tim Tebow actually factor in? Do I really care? CHARGERS 35-21

PACKERS @ FALCONS (+6): A rematch of last year's playoff game when Aaron Rodgers carved the Falcons up like an Operation champ! Shouldn't be much different this time around! PACKERS 33-23


BEARS @ LIONS (-5.5): Not much of a clue on this one. Will it be Professor Forte with his running in the Lions secondary or Colonel Stafford with his Megatron in the end zone? Coinflip says.... LIONS 31-27

And now your cheese! Well, Pa- CHEESE.......i: