WEEK SIX: GAME OF KITNAS

RAMS @ PACKERS (-15): The Rams have been less than impressive for the most part and the Packers are pretty darned good. The Packers have to be the front runners for the NFC crown at this point and I don't foresee their first loss coming this week. PACKERS 31-17

JAGUARS @ STEELERS (-12): Much to my surprise the Steelers trounced the Titans last week. I'm pretty entertained by the fact that when the Steelers lose they're too old, and when they win they're not too old at all. Well, I still think they're getting old and are overrated, but the Jaguars are rated just right and that bodes well for the Steelers. STEELERS 21-13

EAGLES @ REDSKINS (+1.5): Panic time in Philly! I repeat, time to PANIC, Eagles! Another must win for the Eagles here against the Skins in our nation's capital. It appears the Eagles are just overrated. Vick is good though and at some point you gotta figure the Eagles will turn it on and string some wins together. My bet? It starts this week. EAGLES 27-17

49ERS @ LIONS (-4): A battle between two of the early season upstarts. The Niners are fairly good, but I feel like the Lions are much more legit. The Niners defense will certainly have their work cut out for them, as they try and contain Megatron, who is well on his way to setting the single season receiving touchdowns record. LIONS 23-14

PANTHERS @ FALCONS (-4): I continue to try aNd have faith in the Falcons, but there's just something about them that screams mediocrity. This is why this is my upset special this week. I mean Figgy can really toss the pigskin and the Panthers are bound to get some big wins eventually, so why not this week? PANTHERS 27-21

COLTS @ BENGALS (-7): Not much faith in Curtis Painter I guess, huh? Kind of feels like Peyton Manning should be the MVP for not playing. I mean, look at how valuable he was to the Colts! Well Curtis Painter is no Peyton Manning and Andy Dalton is no Akili Smith! The Bengals are not gawd awful and I don't think the Colts are as gawd awful as most people think. Hope that clears things up. BENGALS 24-21

BILLS @ GIANTS (-3): Ah, a rematch of an umentionable game to Buffaloians. Buffaloans? Buffaloers? Ah well, that game is far in the past (yet never forgotten). Giants lost gloriously last week, when their bold strategy to not cover a Seahawks receiver backfired late in the game. Meanwhile the Bills got right back on track with a win against Philly and are looking solid. BILLS 23-17

TEXANS @ RAVENS (-7.5): The Texans fell short against the Raiders last week and lost Mario Williams....not good times in Houston. The Ravens are for reals, me thinks and they will beat up on dem reelin' Texans. RAVENS 24-14

BROWNS @ RAIDERS (-6.5): Well my 0-5 fantasy team is riding on McCoy and Hillis this week to get us in the "W" column. McCoy and Hillis sounds like it would be a cool cowboy show. Or perhaps a buddy cop show set in Texas or Wyoming. RAIDERS 28-24

COWBOYS @ PATRIOTS (-7): Patriots added a consistent running game against the Jets last week and if they keep that up it could be Bad News Bears, Walter Matthau for the rest of the league. The Cowboys have been very, well, Cowboyesque, being wildly inconsistent that is. It will be no picnic for the Romosexual and the Boys on Sunday that's for darned sure. PATRIOTS 31-22

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS (+4.5): The Buccaneers have come down to earth, as it were, the last couple of weeks. Of course if you weren't buying into the talking heads' Hypemaster 5000 , and were buying into the Talkng Heads' More Songs About Buildings and Food, you'd know the Bucs were on the earth the entire time and the Talking Heads are awesome. SAINTS 35-17

Ugh, as for the Sunday and Monday night games, I really think they are both horrible games althought they could end up being close, who knows? But that's about all I have to say about that.

VIKINGS @ BEARS (-3): BEARS 24-10

DOLPHINS @ JETS (-7) : JETS 14-10

FANTASY FOOFARAH: THE WRIGHT STUFF?

David Wright may be the most boring fantasy baseball star out there. Now, before all you fans of the Metropolitans get all in a tizzy, let me explain. I am not saying that David Wright is not a great player or that he is generally dull. No, no, no. Now, will he hit over three hunny? More than likely. Will he slug 30 plus dingers? Sure. Will he drive home 125 runs or more? Probably. Let's face it, David Wright is a fantasy baseball beast, and puts up all-around great numbers, but its how he gets to these numbers, that makes him one of the most boring fantasy ballplayers around. Confused yet? Well the thing is, he never “seems” to have huge nights. Or weeks, for that matter. Still not understanding? Well, that's because I'm still getting there! Hold your horses! Alright, think about it this way: a season of +.300 BA, with 35 dingers and 125 RBIs, is generally considered pretty darned solid, right? That's rhetorical, the answer is “yes”. But really break it down. There's 25ish weeks in the MLB season, which means that a guy with 35 taters and 125 RBIs in a season, would, on average, need only hit less than 1.5 homers a week and drive in 5 runs to accomplish that. Hardly monster numbers, to say the least, yet not a lot of guys even do that. But what makes David Wright so boring, is that he “seems” to do that week in and week out. Rarely do you get a “sexy” 5-5, 3HR, 6RBI night from the Mets slugger, nor do you get huge week. I mean, sure from time to time he'll have a few hits in a game and put some big numbers on the board, but more often than not he gets to his big season-end numbers in the most boring way possible. In fact if you had him in head-to-head leagues last year (as I did) you may have noticed this. B-O-R-I-N-G, boring. Now, sure, consistency is good, but for a first-rounder you want a guy that'll help carry your team most weeks, am I right? 1-2 homers and 5-6 RBIs a week from your top pick, is probably not gonna get it done. Now I know what your thinking, “But isn't it good to know that you'll get that week in and week out?” Sure, because most guys will have to balance big weeks, with mediocre-to-very bad weeks, it seems guarantees are good. In my AL-only league, for instance, I have Miguel Cabrera and Carlos Quentin, two major fantasy studs, who provided absolutely nothing offensively for me last week. I still managed to win my game, and I know its only a matter of time before they have a huge week. Its just more fun, if your a stat geek like me, to check the box score and see those gargantuan digits in your guys stat columns. I mean, personally I would rather have the huge weeks here and there, but maybe that's just me? But watch your leagues throughout the year and see where the guys who took David Wright are in the standings. I contend that those who took David Wright with their first picks in head-to-head leagues will not, I repeat, not, finish in first. Unless they are very savvy fantasy players or are in a league filled to the brim with dimwits. If you have David Wright, trade him! Run! Don't walk to you fantasy roster and move him, ASAP! If you're in one of my fantasy leagues, I will take him off your hands, just to prove my point, because I am a nice guy. But you're not gonna get huge value for him. You'll thank me later. Hope you enjoyed the first of many Fantasy Foofarahs, where I'll be giving you valuable fantasy advice and nuggets all season long!

FANTASYLAND

With baseball season being almost upon us, it of course also means, fantasy baseball season is also almost upon us. And many of you fanatics are probably poring through stat after stat, fantasy magazine after fantasy magazine, looking to find a certain edge. But, you see, I am sort of, what they call a fantasy baseball guru, and a good sportsman, so here today I am going to offer fantasy advice for those of you, who are playing against me in fantasy baseball, and only those playing against me in fantasy baseball. If you are not going to be in a league with me (well, few are in my league, really), than you may read on if you will, but this advice is meant only to help my opponents, so just know that. Anyway, away we go with fantasy baseball advice for my fantasy baseball opponents:

• Get closers and catchers early. Most people will tell you not to, so you can get a jump on the competition. Premium closers and relievers are scarce, get 'em while you can, so you don't end up with the next Greg Olson or Gregg Olson.
  
• Homers are facist! Get some guys that steal bases early. Like a Willy Taveras.
  
• Age over beauty. Much like in actual baseball, you're gonna want plenty of veteran leadership on your fantasy squad. Young guys are unproven, try and grab guys over 35 years old. The older the better. Randy Johnson, Scot Rolen, Tim Wakefield, Jamie Moyer, Moises Alou, the list of elder stars could go on for minutes.
• If you really do want youth, really go for youth. 22 and under. So really stay away from those players in the 23-35 range as much as possible.
• Stay away from guys whose names end in "ez", There's no telling how old they really are, and that spells trouble.
• Stay away from guys who have been injury free. All that staying off the DL in the past means is that they are due for a major injury. You know, your Lance Berkmans, Roy Halladays, CC Sabathias, and Miguel Cabreras.
  
• The reverse is true as well. Pick guys who are often injured. They are due to make it through a season safe and sound. Its the law of averages, it just makes sense. Think Hank Blalock, Howie Kendrick, Troy Glaus
  
• The same can be said for the "big" stat guys. Guys who continually put up "big" numbers are due for a drop. I think it was Dick Van Patten who said, "What goes up must come down." So avoid big names like Pujols, Wright, and Beltran. And....
  
• Those who have faired poorly for a number of years are due to break out. On draft day, look for guys like Bobby Crosby, Nate Robertson, Kenji Johjima, and Richie Sexson.
  

So there are just a few draft day tips for my fantasy opponents. Hope this helps and good luck out there.