Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Okay so, you knew it was coming, so get that look of surprise of your face! Johnny Damon is a Yankee, and I'm pissed off. I'm mad at Damon, the Yankees and most of all the Red Sox management and ownership. So this will be a quick three part blog.

Part One: Yankees suck!
I'll just get this out of the way. It's the easiest one, and really it has nothing to do with them signing Damon. As you may know I pretty much loathe/ despise the Yankees and everything about them. They did what they had to do, but I still hate them. And that's all I have to say about that.

Part Two: Damon is an ass!
All that talk about team unity and wanting to win again in Boston is purely bs. Is there no loyalty in sports at all! It seemed pretty apparent that Damon would not be spending 2006 in Boston, but the Yankees! THE YANKEES!!! I mean you can't go from talking trash about the Yankees, brawling with the Yankees, helping to defeat the Yankees en route to the first World Series victory in Boston since 1918, to becoming a Yankee! Well, apparently you can.

Part Three: What were the Sawx thinking?
The Yankees gave Damon $52 million over 4 years, a number the Sawx could easily have coughed up. There problem was with the length of the contract. Huh? Last time I checked contracts were just a formality. How many athletes actually fullfill their original contracts these days? That and the fact that we've yet to see any major decline in Damons numbers. I mean Julio Franco is 87 years old and he's still going strong. There's also that slight problem of the Red Sawx having no one to play centerfield. Yeah, way to think it through. No need for a lead off hitter who hits over .300 and can drive in 75 runs. And what about lifelong Red Sawx fan Matt Damon? All those shirts and jerseys he may have with the name Damon on the back, must now be destroyed. So to 'lil Matty Damon I say, "I feel your pain and hope this will not hinder in any way the making of Ocean's 13 or the Bourne Insanity."

Et tu Jesus!

Don't worry, his power is in his hair, just like Samson!

Seasons Greetings

Today, a touch of holiday bitterness to give your egg nog a little kick! Now this isn't your run of the mill (and Danny I expect you to tell us where the phrase "run of the mill" origianted from) rant about the malls being packed, the people being annoying , etcetera, etcetera. Now don't get me wrong, much of that holiday hustle and bustle makes me bitter, that's for damned sure. After all I do work in retail. But today is not the day for that bitterness. Well, sort of. You see I want to talk about this "Happy Holidays" horse pucky. You know what I'm talking about, this politically correct flim flam about stores and companies not putting up signs and decorations that will wish the consumer a Merry Christmas, so as to not offend your average Joel Goldensteinberg! I mean for Islam's sake!

Now I understand that when everyone would freely display their "Merry Christmas" banners and decorations, a lot of Jewish people were upset and felt slighted. For they of course do not celebrate one day of Christmas, but eight crazy nights of Channukah. And you don't want to piss off lawyers, bankers and Hollywood that's for sure. So, the next step of course is to display both Channukah and Christmas decorations. Surely this would be the perfect solution and everyone would be happy. In an ideal world, sure, but not in America, land of diversity. You see, we forgot the most storied holiday of all! That's right folks, Kwanzaa.

Kwanzaa is a holiday I'm not all that familiar with. In fact I'd never heard of it 'til about five years ago. I do not know anyone who celebrates it or anything about it. But someone celebrates it, so it must be acknowledged. So in the customer service industry we must adhere to saying "Happy Holidays" in order to encompass everyone's beliefs. So now we have definitely solved the problem, everyone's happy, right? Wrong again, my friends. Cause see now certain Christmas folks are unhappy about the words Happy Holiday. Mad because stores and places are displaying Happy Holidays and not Merry Christmas! In Rochester, for example, they are actually protesting Target, Build-a-Bear Workshop and Lowe's, just to name a few for having Happy Holidays and not Merry Christmas on their holiday items and decortaions. No to all these people I say, "get over yourselves!"

If I want to wish Merry Christmas to a Jewish person, they should not be offended. Christmas is December 25th, each and every year. Christmas day is marked on just about every calendar (as is Channukah). Christmas day is still Christmas day, whether or not you celebrate it. December 25th IS Christmas! It's like if I say "God Bless You" when an atheist sneezes, and said atheist replies angrily, "I don't believe in God!" Well, ya know what I do, and I can ask him to bless whoever I feel like. If someone were to wish me a Chappy Channukah, I would not be offended. I would say Shalom or Mahtzultav (not sure how that's spelled?) and be on my way. In no way are these words intended to impart or force a culture upon people, so everyone needs to lighten up! No one is ignoring or slighting Christmas, by saying Happy Holidays. Maybe they did not notice that those giant trees are not for Channukah or Kwanzaa. Those jolly fat guys in the red suits in every single shopping mall are not lighting menorahs. In fact, how many people who celebrate Christmas actually believe in God or go to church??? I think we lost the true meaning and spirit of this holiday to capitalism and big business a long time ago. Also how does JC being Jewish fit into the protesters picture. I'm sure the son of God would be fine with being issued a, Happy Holidays, a Chappy Channukah or a Merry Christmas, although Happy Birthday would probably be more appropriate. So if people don't lighten up, where will all this end? Getting Charlie Brown off the air because there are no Jewish people in the Peanuts gang? Suing the Dr. Seuss estate because no made up creatures are trying to steal Kwanzaa?? Well I will tell you this much....if Charlie Brown did have a Channukah special, Javen would own it! And Javen celebrates (drum roll please).....Christmas! So have a Chappy Christmas, a Merry Channukah, a killer Kwanzaa and a B-E-A-Utiful Boxing Day!