Wednesday, November 17, 2004

You can't spell Class without 'ass'! It's true, try it!

Well, here it is, the long awaited, much anticipated, return of Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch! A lot has happened in the World of Willie Moe since my last entry, as it was a month ago to the day (eerie isn't it?) that I last wrote anything or really even used the internets. But, even before I get going I would like to wish a Happy Belated Birthday to my #1 fan- Timothy Joseph Conroy of Medford, OR. Lil' Timmy turned 27 years young this past weekend. Thanks for the support Tim, glad you enjoy the blog, look for an autographed picture in your mailbox, coming soon. Now to recap, the last couple entries came at a time where I was at my most bitter. The Yankees had just spanked the Red Sox in Game Three of the ALCS 19-8 to go up three games to none in the best of seven series and my friend Bill had a swollen uvula (not really sure of the spelling), attributed to Golden Anniversary Beer, a beer that was only $4.95 a 12er, how could you go wrong? Bill then vowed not to drink for two weeks. This lasted two days. We have since downgraded Bill down to Silver Anniversary beer only, for his uvula's sake! The Red Sox proceeded to win 8 straight games to capture their first World Championship in 86 years! ( I do not know what anniversary 86 years is?) Now, I know what you are thinking, "But Will, you are a die hard Red Sox fan and them winning the World Series only gets a couple lines in your blog, what is the dilly-oh?" Well I'm glad you asked Mr. John Q. Reader. A lot happens in a month and I will have blogs attributed to several things that have happened over this past thirty days, in later blogs, but today I want to talk about basketball.
As you may or may not know, this year me an my friends (yes this is not proper English, but my mom's an English teacher and every now and then I rebel against grammar!) have formed a rec league basketball team (your laugh here). We were just looking to get some excercise, have some fun and then get drunk afterwards. We are sponsored by Change of Pace, a nice family bar. Which means we go after the game and get drunk and eat pizza and the best wings around (sorry Jitter). Sounds like a good time, right? Well, okay it is, for the most part. You see, we entered the least competitive league, thinking, "Oh hey we won't get beat too badly, and there might even be a team or two we can almost win against." Little did we know, that we would be playing classless pricks who whine and bitch about everything. Let me run down a recap of our first 3 games:
Game 1: vs. Bond, King and Schoenk (some sort of law firm)
We lose 78-35- Now this seems like a lopsided game, and it was, but considering a lot of the people we had, had never even met, let alone played together I don't think we did all that bad. Especially since we were sereiously outsized (height wise obviously) and were outrebounded 88-4 (this is an exaggeration, hyperbole if you would, to just make the point we were seriously outrebounded). I had 6 points.

Game 2: vs. my mortal nemeses Chadwick's (a f**king Yankees/ Steelers bar)
This game was actually sort of competitive as we were actually only trailing by single digits a couple minutes into the second half, when one of our players had to leave the game because of injury, leaving us with only five players (at least 3 of which were out of shape white guys) to finish out the game. We lose 71-41. As Chadwick's proceeded to just pop threes for the last 5 minutes, added to there trash talking all game.
ON the bright side I had 9 points and we achieved all three of our goals-1) Score more than 35. 2) Hold Chump, I mean Chadwicks to under 78. 3) Get more than 3 offensive rebounds.

Game 3: vs. Latinos Unidos ( the league's defending champs)
We came in to this one knowing there was not much of a chance we would win, but this was just an utter ass whooping
With 5 minutes to go in the first half we had not scored a basket and trailed 40-0, until I cherry picked (which I do not condone, but these guys were classless pricks) and got a lay-up.
Now here's where the classlessness comes in. They had a full court press on the whole game (they had forty points before we had any!) They beat us by like 80, is there really a need to keep pressing? Was there RPI in jeopardy? Not only did they press all game, they also cherry picked. And this isn't an "all game" where it just seemed like all game, they literally did it all game. Now I don't mind losing, that I can handle, but due it with some class and sportsmanship. I could say whatever I want about this team, because I'm pretty sure none of them know how to use a computer or read.
On a positive not we lost by under 100 points
We also didn't feel bad when we learned they get together and practice 3 times a week, whereas we get together to get drunk three times a week. That could account for something.

We may not win a game, but so far we've been the classiest team and that should count for something. It doesn't, but it should.
I'm just waiting for Toastie to turn into a basketball playing werewolf. Toastie's the hairiest so he seems the most likely to do this. A quick montage of Toastie dunking, stealing, doing some fancy dribbling as we continue to win, until Toastie can't be the wolf anymore and wants to play the Championship game as himself. But we decide we can beat Latinos Unidos as Caucasians United. Another brilliant montage with some inspirational music in the background plays as we mount a come back and finally win on a big climactic play by the Toastmaster General himself. And we win. Turns out we didn't need the wolf after all it was in us all along (sniff).

1 comment:

  1. Mark Safan, Win in the End.
    Teen Wolf Soundtrack

    I was down to zero
    Still an unsung hero
    Waiting for my ship to come to shore

    I stood empty handed
    Like a seagull stranded
    Watching all the other seagulls soar

    I was slowly losing hope
    Twisting frayed ends of the rope
    In a suicidal fantasy

    I was going to extremes
    Losing sight of all my dreams again
    I never thought I'd win

    [Guitar solo]

    I was blinded by the pain
    Running wild through the rain
    In a parody of extacy

    I was inches from the edge
    Fingers clinging to the ledge again
    I never thought I'd win

    Win in the end
    I'm gonna win in the end
    Win in the end
    I'm gonna win in the end

    Got to keep my cool
    I am not the fool
    Everyone expects to play me for

    I could change the pattern
    Steal a ring from Saturn
    Forge myself into a man-of-war

    I am equal to the task
    I won't hide behind the mask
    What you see is what you'll get from me

    I am stronger than they think
    They can force me to the brink again
    But now I know I'll win


    I will steal the thunder
    Rolling out from under
    Every cloud that's clashing(?) in the sky

    Like a true defender
    I will not surrender
    Why should I lie down for them and die?

    I am equal to the task
    I won't hide behind the mask
    What you see is what you'll get from me

    I am stronger than they think
    They can force me to the brink again
    But now I know I'll win