Thursday, September 08, 2005

Yeah.......Blow Me

Ah, what a classic line from a great American movie classic. I know it has been a while since my last blog (four months to the day actually), but I've been busy, okay I've been lazy. So what could bring me back to the world of blogging you ask? Well, the start of the football season of course! That's right, tonight kicks off the 2005-2006 NFL season at Foxboro Stadium, home to my beloved Patriots. So that means it's time for my predictions, which 60% of the time are always right! Now, I don't want to brag, but I did pick the Patriots to beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl at the start of last season. Of, course I had predicted that for the last 4 seasons, but I don't think that should lessen the achievement by any means. I'm pretty sure, throughout the course of last season that I proved, pretty thoroughly, that I knew nothing about the NFL. But, this year I submit that I know even less. I know what you are thinking, and I didn't think that was possible either, but watch and learn:

1) Kurt Warner will uplift the Cardinals, "like a Pheonix rising up from the ashes" to a 6-10 record good for last place.
2) Eli Manning will rally the Giants for a big second win over the Cardinals, securing third place in the NFC East. What?! Apparently I'm being told that the Cardinals are no longer in the NFC East, so I guess the Giants will finish last, while customers continue to get perturbed with Jeremy Shockey buying 50 Hungry Man dinners in the 15 item or less line.
Shockey: It's one item!
3) My first signs of heartburn will strike about 12 minutes in to the Patriots-Raiders game.
4) Julius Jones will be good.
5) The Chargers will not lose a game when they wear the gay, powder blue uniforms!
6) Peyton Manning will throw for 4683 yards and 55 touchdowns. Eli Manning will throw a tantrum in Week 13.
7) This will be the season of Kitna (sit down Heisman!)
8) My lack of general player knowledge will see me out of the running in Fantasy Football by week five. The Dolphins will be out of the running by week 7!
9) Ben Roethilsberger will still have the tastiest name in football, ummmmmm, Roethilsbergers!!!
10) The Raiders won't make the Playoffs, the Cowboys will!
11) Donovan McNabb, fueled by that good 'ol Chunky Soup will lead the Eagles back to the Super Bowl and win the league's MVP award!
12) The 49ers will battle the Dolphins for the 2006 #1 pick! I mean why can't the Dolphins catch a break? No sympathy Dolphins, no sympathy!

And now for how the season will play out:
The Patriots will beat the Jaguars in the AFC Championship Game behind Matt Cassel, replacing an injured Tom Brady.
The Eagles will beat the Rams in the NFC Championship Game, setting up a Super Bowl Rematch.

And by prediction for the winnner of the Extra Large Super Bowl (Super Bowl XL, get it!) will be the Patriots by a score of 13-5!

Well as you can see I only get dumber.
You stay classy planet earth!