Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Quoth the drunken forever more!

So with the recent addition of digital cable to my family, I have had, opened unto me, a whole new, vast, world of entertainment. So as I was channel surfing the other night I came across AFI (American Film Institute)'s TOP 100 movie quotes on Bravo. Now of some of these were from classic movies that I have never seen, but of course know the quotes, because they're the top 100 movie quotes. Here were the top ten. How many times have you seen these used, spoofed, parodied in other shows, movies, etc.:
10. " You talkin to me"- Taxi Driver
9. " Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night"- All About Eve
8. " May the force be with you"- Harrison Ford, Star Wars IV, A New Hope
7. " Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up"- Sunset Bouleverd
6. " Go ahead make my day"- Sudden Impact
5. "Here's looking at you kid" -Casablanca
4. "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore" -Wizard of Oz
3. " I coulda been a contendah..."- On the Waterfront
2. " I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."-The Godfather
1. " Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."- Gone with the Wind

Now of those Top Ten quotes I've seen only two of the movies they're from start to finish, but am familiar with all of these quotes. But it got me to thinking about the quotes my fiends and I use on a virtually regular basis. So I decided to compile a top ten quotable movies amongst my friends and I. now remember this is not a list of the quotablest or most quotable movies ever made. These are ten movies that, if you watched them you could join in 95% of all conversations my friends and I engage in. I'm pretty sure my friends and I could probably quote several of these movies start to finish. Now if you haven't seen any of these movies, go have yourself checked cause you ain't right! Also, for some of these movies if you haven't seen said movie, the quote might not be great because you don't know the context, tone, etc. So, without further ado, well maybe one more ado, adieu, here they are with a taste of why they're on the list:
The Top Ten, but first, the honorable mentions that didn't quite make the cut:
Fletch, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Office Space, Meet the Parents, National Lampoon's- Animal House, European Vacation and Vacation, Rushmore, There's Something About Mary, Spaceballs, The Naked Guns, Major League and many more that I can't quite think of right now. So, enjoy:
10. Ghostbusters
- Ray, when someone asks if you're a God, you say "Yes"!
- Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.
- Mother pus bucket.
- Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
- Yes it's true. (pause) This man has no dick
- NOBODY steps on a church in my town.
- Janine, someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a
top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.
- I love this plan, I'm excited to be a part of it!
- It's Miller Time!

9. Black Sheep
- Well, I got a 426 hemi here, 3/4 cams, nitro boosters, I can get 'er up to as good as 155! Never do, though, of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess I was goin' about... 65, tops.
- SEVEN! SEVEN miles an hour! And normally, when I stop people, they pull onto the 'shoulder'!
- Hell, every guy's got his dream, am I right? Between you, me and the wall here, I doozy myself last night. Ha ha, ha, ha. Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle give me the finger, and a duck! Now, I don't know ha, ha, ha. Are you crying? Oh my lord. I am sorry honey, please don't ! Could you get your daddy on the phone. No, don't hang up please I...
- That's one small step for man! One giant... I have a dream!
- And so he says, "Rectum? Damn near killed'em!"
- Ro-ads. Ro-ods.
- Yea! Kill whitey!
- Lil' help from the Donnelly campaign

8. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
- Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
- Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
- the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...
- Shitter was full.
- Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.
- And why is the carpet wet, Todd?
- Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.
- Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - brousing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
- Little knot here Russ, why don't you work on that.

7. Swingers
- No, baby, you're money.
- Vegas baby! Vegas!
- Baby, we're going to be up five hundy by midnight!
- All right, I'll ask! Ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?
- who's the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Mikey, that's who. Mikey's the big winner. Mikey wins.
- The place is dead anyway
- I'm gonna make Gretzky's head bleed for super fan 99 over here.
- Y'know, it's not so much me as Roenick; he's good.
- I'm the asshole? I'm the asshole in the place yeah? Yeah, well I'm outta here. I would never eat here, I would never eat here anyway.

6. Anchorman
- Smells like Bigfoot's dick!
- Panda Watch!
- Ribs. I had ribs for lunch, that's why I'm doing this.
- I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
- Can't say one word, huh? Even the guy that can't think said something!
- You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?
- I don't know what we're yelling about!
- Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
- I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.
- I saw that! Brick killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?
- Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!
- Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
- Hey! Where did you get those clothes? At the toilet store?
- I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
- The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show...
- I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
- Great Odin's raven!
- They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.
- I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
- I love lamp.
- If you want to throw down fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary ready for ya.
- Knights of Columbus, that hurt!

- If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball.
- Effin A Cotton, eeeeeeffffffffin A!
- Ooh, Ouchtown, population you, bro!
- Well, if you can't raise fifty-thousand dollars with an impromptu carwash, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
- It's White!
- So I'll go turn on the thong song and we'll tear this place apart.
- I like to keep my body guessing.
- That's a perfectly normal everyday thing.
- Joanie loves Chaci!
- Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation.
- Always remember the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!
- Pepper needs new shorts, Cotton!
- You're about as useful as a poopie-flavored lollipop.
- You had me at blood and semen.
- In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... in a book!

4. Old School
- True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
- We're going streaking!
- You think KFC's still open.
- Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.
- Blue, you're my boy!
- I see Blue, He look's glorious.
- Once it hits your lips, it's so good!
- Y-You're crazy, man. You're crazy. I like you, but you're crazy.
- Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
- Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.
- No it's cool man, bring your green hat!

3. Tommy Boy
- You're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there?
- He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I seen it a hundred times.
- Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
- You have de-railed...
- And the medic gets out and says, "Oh, my God!" The new guy's around the corner puking his guts out.
- Hey, there's even a fridge! You could put six packs of be - soda in here.
- It's called reading! Top to bottom, left to right... a group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches... Midol for any cramps.
- Heh, heh, it's a clip-on.
- Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.
- It's HERBIE Hancock.
- Tommy Likey! Tommy want wing-ey!

2. Big Lebowski
- Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon.
- Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit..DON'T FUCKIN ROLL! SHOMER SHABBOS!
- The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
- Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
- I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
- So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
- The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
- Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.
- Good night sweet prince.
- Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash, man.
- You mean coitus?

1. Caddyshack-
- Ahoy polloi.
- Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.
- You, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
- How 'bout a FRESCA? Hmm? Hmmm?
- Pool and a pond... Pond be good for you.
- This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.
- The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
- Cinderella story, tears in his eyes I guess.
- Cannonball comin!
- Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid.

Well there you have it. What I feel are the Top Ten most quotable movies, of course Wedding Crashers may jump onto the list, once out on DVD and we get it back in our heads. Until that day comes, keep your ears to the grindstone.


  1. Personally, from Big Lebowski my favorite quote has always been "3000 years of Beautifule tradition from Moses to Sandy Kofax. You're goddamn right I'm living in the past."

    I also hope that Summer Catch was at least top 15.

  2. Yeah, it was hard to decide which quotes to put in there. I don't know if Summer Catch would make it in there, but the real question is if I cut off my left arm do you think I could be in the special olympics?