RETURN OF THE MAILBAG!

Yes it has been way too long since we here at "Bitterness" opened the old mail bag, but it's a new year, new location, etcetera, etcetera. Now the mailbag is overflowing, and we'd love to answer every single piece of mail, but unfortunately that's not gonna happen. So we won't be touching on many things that have happened since the last "mail call" like the Sawx winning it all, Brittney Spears lost in a downward spiral, the writer's strike, caucuses, or is it caucusi? Anyways, on to the mail!

You really miscalled that Giants-Packers game huh? Where's the respect for the Giants, after knocking off your "Gunslinger of Destiny" at Lambeau nonetheless?- Casey C., Crabcake, MD

Okay, okay, so maybe, just maybe, I was a bit too harsh on the Giants. I'm still not convinced there as good as everyone in the media is making them out to be and all of sudden everyone is buying into Tom "turn and" Coughlin's philosophy. Apparently this erases the past few years that would always end with Tommy C's job in question and the doubting of Eli as a big time quarterback. But it seems that the Packers and the "Gunslinger of Destiny" were really just trying to hand this game to the G-Men. And really not the best coaching decision to let Lawrence "Time after" Tynes even attempt that long field goal in OT after his Jay Feely-esque performance to that point. If he missed you know the Coughlin's job jeopardy rumors would have been in full swing. But I do apologize for the over-harshness with which I criticized the Giants last week, I guess.

Are you worried the Patriots won't be able to finish the perfect run against yet another "giant" underdog? They have come down to earth in the last few weeks and the Giants already gave them a scare in the Meadowlands. I mean they barely edged out a hobbled Chargers team in the AFC Championship game, for crying out loud! -Shawne M., Whale's Vagina, CA

I don't know if 'd use the word "worried", Shawne, but I'm definitely not as confident as I would have been say 3 months ago. Now while the Chargers were hobbled on offense, their defense was intact and it's usually pretty solid, so the Patriots lack of scoring does not concern me. Their defense however is a whole 'nother story altogether. I've noticed it being a bit lax at times and not as "great" as everyone seems to think. But you have to remember that in their previous Super Bowl runs under Beli-cheat they rarely blew teams out, and the close game was the norm. They play down to their opponents and play hard when it counts. Plus Eli is due for a mental breakdown in the desert, I'm sure of it.

Hey what happened to the good old days of "Bitterness" when there was more than just football posts? I want to know if you have any predictions for, say, the Grammy's?- Justin T., Hollyweird, CA

A prediction for the Grammy's? You mean other than I won't be watching?

Now that you've moved the "Bitterness" headquarters does this mean we are gonna be bombarded with "Boston" speak and sports bias under the guise of covering all the bases? Cause someone already owns that plot of land on the worldwide web.-Bill S., Los Angeles, CA
Not much more than usual Bill. Although I am headed to a Celtics game tonight, which means I may start blogging about the NBA, and that's without even getting a lobotomy. But you won't hear me talking about how Beantown is the best sports city around right now (sorry Kansas City, it was close though) or about planning a trip to Vegas, or throwing some inside jokes at you. Now this won't be your grandfather's "Bitterness" sure, but we hope to stick to our roots, and really give you a bitter look from all angles. And of course at least one quote a week from Rounders, where they invented Texas Hold'em. What's with all the mail from Cali, huh?

I hate the Patriots and the Giants, so I'll just be looking to get sloshed during this one and hope there will be lots of ads with monkeys during the big game. But I was wondering what your five least interesting Super Bowls of all time would be? Going into the game that is, not after the game was played. -Thurman T., Orchard Park, NY
Well Thurman before I dive into your question, which is spectacular by the way, I wanna take some time for a shameless plug. You see, sometime before the big game, we will give you a way to whittle away the time if you really just don't want to watch. But on to your question. Here are the five Super Bowls I was least interested in watching, in no particular order. Or are they? No, they're not.

1. Super Bowl XXXVII: Raiders vs. Buccaneers. This was actually the first one that popped into my head, as I had a general disdain for both squads. Hard to root for Warren Sapp or the Raiders.
   
2. Super Bowl XXXV: Giants vs. Ravens. Many thought this would be a defensive struggle, but it was the Giants who had a defensive struggle. I hated the Ravens and was bored with the Giants. And now it's sad to think that not getting that Super Bowl ring could be what keeps Jason Sehorn out of the Hall of Fame. That or the fact he was not that good.
3. Super Bowl XXX: Cowboys vs. Steelers. The hype of this one alone, pitting two old school dynasties up against one another, was enough to make me less than enthused to watch this one. Plus both of these teams are in the "Top 5 Teams I Hate" list, so naturally I wanted neither one of them to win.
4. Super Bowl XXXIX: 49ers vs. Chargers. I had never really liked San Fran, and while it was gonna be fun to root for the underdog, I wasn't too pumped for this one cuz 1) the underdog was another California team, blaaahhhh! and c) you knew there was no way they'd beat the Niners.
5. Super Bowl XXVIII: Bills vs. Cowboys. Now, ever since I really started getting into football I have hated the 'Boys, and being a Patriots fan I had a dislike of the Bills and that God forsaken K-Gun, at the time. But why this one, rather than the previous meeting in XXVII. Well the third time around there was a little part of me that wanted the Bills to do it, and get it over with already, but they didn't, instead they got shellacked, so I figured the second time around would be no different.

It's almost February and there hasn't been word one about college basketball, what gives? I needs the "Bitterness" take on the mid-majors and the bubble watch, etc.! -Harold A., Parts Unknown?
Well, as you know, we packed up and moved our World Headquarters, which is very time and energy consuming. Plus writing for your enjoyment is not our day job, at least until you freeloaders start coughing up some cash to read this. But yes our time and energy are limited and we have been in a college basketball-less bubble for a bit now, and hope to remedy this soon. But for now I will say Florida's always a solid pick to go far, Vanderbilt, Arizona State and Baylor are probably as dismal as ever, Ohio State is most likely gonna run right through the Big Ten, especially over lowly Indiana, and don't worry Marquette fans you'll get there eventually.

I seem to remember last year you said something about giving the NHL a shot, but that seemed to never come to fruition. Any chance we'll get some "Bitterness" insight on hockey?- Guy L., Coldtown, ON

New Year's Resolution: We'll no longer make promises we can't keep. Um, I would say we may have snippets from the ice, but don't get your hopes up. Although we do love to blog about playoff beards. Go Whalers!

Well that's gonna do it for this mail bag, hope you enjoyed. Have a wonderful today and a "guten" tomorrow!

FOUR ON THE FLOOR

Please, please, no applause for going a perfect 4-0 last week with my divisional picks. Okay fine, if you must. That's right I picked 'em all! Even the Giants, who, if you recall were my divisional round upset special. But alas, that is in the past for me and the combatants in the NFL's final four. We just gotta take one week at a time and focus on the now. Carpe diem my friends! But enough cliches, let's get to the final picks before Super Bowl fortysomething and Soup-er Bowl II.

CHARGERS @ PATRIOTS: Can lightning strike twice for the plucky Bolts from SoCal or will it be back to the Norv, er, norm? Obviously the injury thing could play a minor factor in this skirmish, as San Diego will have to see if Hooch, Antonio "Barbarians at the" Gates and Philip Rivers "runs through it" are physically able to play and then if they'll even be close to 100%. Now, since I am making my picks much later than some of the other pundits , you'll have to take my word, that even now, a mere hours before game time I have no idea if these kids will play. I have checked no scouting or injury reports whatsoever to aid me in my pick for this game, I assure you. So I'm just calling it like I see it, without the aid of your fancy newspapers or websites, so there!

Okay so as far as the game goes, I am sure the Patriots, as always (right Bill?) will exude class throughout. The Chargers beat the Colts, but they are like some nerdy kid going to the prom "stag" while the Patriots are prom king, stuffing that kids head in a toilet bowl (this analogy does not reflect any actual events in the life of the writer, but is merely taken from several million hours of watching high school movies, dramas and situational comedies). What I'm saying is that the Colts were not even up to their usual "snuff", and the Patriots are much better. The Bolts will fight to the end as Billy Volek (the Chargers personal Frank Reich) possibly carves a little bit more of his story into playoff lore. But in the end you gotta go with the favorites to win this one 28- 17.

GIANTS @ PACKERS: Alright folks, let's just settle down on the Giants, shall we? I mean I'm not saying they're gawd awful, but c'mon! They're no better than they were when every one wanted Tom "turn and " Coughlin's head on a stick. And can Giants fans really even be that excited, really? You gotta see this ending badly, possibly with more heartache. It's the same script every year with Tommy C's squad. A stretch in the season where they are great (according to the media anyways), and then a dismal turn, but then suddenly they're kings of the world again as they beat up on below average teams. Now the Cowboys are not below average, record wise anyways, but I for one knew they'd falter, so take that! But the fact of the matter is the G-men are up against destiny's gunslinger, Brett Favre. Couple that with that with a possibly slick field and New York may have some Giant obstacles leaving the odds "pack"-ed in Green Bay's Favre, um, favor. I'm taking the Bay of Green 28-10.

And now for some manly playoff cheese:

WHA-WHA-WHAAAAAT?!

I know, I know. Here we are almost two weeks into 2008 and you've had no "Bitterness" in your lives. In fact it's been a little over a month since you've heard anything from us whatsoever. It was as if we just plain disappeared off the face of the earth without any sort of warning. Leaving you without several weeks of NFL picks. This may have made you sad, mad, glad, frustrated and or confused. In fact, there could be any number of other emotions this could have stirred up inside you, but I do not portend to know what exactly this sudden absence may have stirred up inside you? Nor do I portend to know the exact meaning of the word portend. But that's neither here nor there. In any event, you deserve an apology and explanation. We do apologize for the inconvenience of having to rely on Peter King's wit to guide you through the last few weeks of the NFL season, and while we can't promise anything, we will certainly make a concerted effort to not let this happen again. Okay, now that the apology is taken care of, let's give you the exact reason for our unannounced hiatus. You see "Bitterness" has moved! Now, I know what you may be thinking, "Moved? This is still the same web address I've grown to know and love, what is he babbling about?" Well, here's what I'm babbling about. We've moved the "Bitterness" World Headquarters, from Syracuse to Boston. And as we have been moving into the new "Bitterness" offices, we have had a lot going on and have, unfortunately, had very little time, or energy to give you the goods you need. So, now that that is out of the way, let's get down to business. Here's a little preview of what's to come in January:

-- Playoff picks
-- Souper Bowl II
-- The return of the mailbag and roundoffs
-- 2007 Year in Review
-- Resolutions
-- Shameless plugs
-- More shirtless Guttenburg
-- 37% more word play
-- and all the cheese you can munster, er muster.

and now your divisional playoff picks:

SEAHAWKS @ PACKERS: The Hawks sure gave the Skins what for last week. Eventually anyways. The only way the Hawks win this one is if Shaun Alexander runs wild, and we predict this won't happen. Which means more passing into a very good Packers secondary. Which means tough luck for Seattle. Combine that with the fact that you got an aging gunslinger across the way and it's time to cue the fat lady. Packers 28-13.

JAGUARS @ PATRIOTS: You gotta love the Jaguars overall feisty-ness, but this ain't the 'Burgh and Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes are no Randy Moss and Wes Welker. But, the Jags have a staunch defensive unit and if you know me, "staunch" is not a word I just throw around freely, so this means something. If the weather gets nasty the Jags have a better chance, than if it's a clear night at the Razor. I'm not saying they'll win, but they could at least cover the spread. I mean the Patriots are far more talented as a whole, plus if they're in trouble, Beli-cheat will just turn out the lights, ala Ted C. McGinley in Major League: Back to the Minors, or something. Patriots 21-17.

CHARGERS @ COLTS: Are the Chargers truly back running on all cylinders? I think not, but the Colts barely have one receiver eligible to play, so who knows what to think? Although, the Colts have been short handed in the receiving corps for some time now and so far they've gone out and managed, without the luxury of playing the AFC West. But then again, the Chargers figured out how to beat the Colts once already this season. But in crunch time, in the raucous RCA Dome, I'm taking Peyton and the Colts 28-24.

GIANTS @ COWBOYS: Ideally there would be no winner in this one, but in reality there's a good chance one of these teams will win this game. And no, that's not by prediction. I'm going out on a limb and making the G-Men my first upset special of '08! That's right, it's not a typo! I just gotta hunch that the G-men are ready to do some things. Watch as Tony Romo gets hurt early after being in the wrong place at the wrong time for a Michael Strahan jump shot celebration. Brad Johnson proceeds to trip on is shoelaces coming into the game and goes down, meaning Jason Garrett has to suit up. Giants take the lead and proceed to revoke Eli's decision-making privileges. Game. Set. Match. Giants 17-13.

And now for your playoff cheese: