THE SCIENCE OF MARK TEXIERA

This is Josh Peck from Nickelodeon's Drake and Josh circa 2003, or is it? Is it "Josh"? Is it?! Or is it Mark Texiera, who has somehow mastered the intricacies of the space-time continuum and possibly cloning, when he was fourteen? Goin' back in time, creating an alternate self, changing his name so he could pursue his first love, acting? Hmmm? Hmmm?! Two Mark Texieras in one universe?! Or is it two Josh Pecks?! bet your mind is blown. But for further proof, I give you Exhibit X:



A picture is worth a thousand words, my friends.

IRABU-YAH?!

Earlier in the season I had wondered to myself what happened to Gustavo Chacin and the within a couple of days I saw a little blurb that he was in the Phillies system. Last week I mentioned how I miss Hideki Irabu so, and the next day I read that he has started his comeback tour (in the same rotation as Jose Lima nonetheless)! This got me thinking, do I have some sort of weird ability to think about certain former Major Leaguers, only to have them reappear in our lives? Could it be true? Well, one can only hope. But I need something to put it to the test, so I have decided to compile a list of Major Leaguers who just kind of dropped off of the baseball map, in our opinion, all too early, that we feel should make a comeback:

• Kirk Rueter
• Rocky Biddle
• Scott Spiezio
• Jung Bong
  
• Jeremi Giambi
• Alex Sanchez (one steroid bust and he just disappears?)
• Bob Hamelin (aw Hambone! You were the next Billy Jo Robidoux! And now, you are, well, almost actually, Billy Jo Robidoux. If you don't make a comeback can you please hunt down Billy Jo Robidoux and collaborate on some sort of project? Possibly a rib joint?)
  
• Benny Agbayani
  
• "Crazy" Carl Everett (come on, he ain't no dinosuar for crying out loud!)
  
• Luis Rivas
• Roger Cedeno
• Junior Spivey
  
• Rickey Ledee
  
• Byung-Hyun Kim (there was always something dirty sounding about his name?)
  
• Ben Grieve
• Kevin Mench (a real Mench!)
  
• Matt Franco
• Antonio Alfonseca
• Ugueth Urbina (well, okay he's in some third world prison, but one can dream)
• Shane Spencer
• Sean Burroughs
• Nook Logan (um, awesome nickname, we need him to help heal the country)
  
• Choo Freeman (see above)
  
• Ken Harvey
  
• Jason Simontacci
• Tike Redman (once the Pirates future, then....?)
  
• Wes Obermueller
• Rube Baker
  
• Scott Sauerbeck
  
• Eli Marrero (he's a stud in EA Sports MVP Baseball '05, what happened?)
  
• Amaury Telemaco
• Tomakazu Ohka
• Jonathan Lipnicki (okay, not a baseball player, but we think its time)
  
• Shea Hillenbrand
• Carlos Febles
  
• Tanyon Sturtze
• Timo Perez
• Hee-seop Choi (he can sop anything he wants, am I right?)
  
• Esteban Yan (hee-hee his name rhymes)
  
• Billy Koch

Alright, well now its just fingers crossed time.

ROUNDOFFS: MORE THAN MEETS THE EICHORN

• Houston Astros? More like Houston Lastrohs, am I right? I probably didn't come up with this, but I still think it's funny.
• Branyan watch: .324, 6HR, 14 RBI, 1.043 OPS. I think they should start flooding Seattle supermarkets with Raisin Branyan cereal any week now! No? Branyan Flakes?
  
• I kinda wish Kurt Suzuki would follow Ichiro's lead and put his first name on his jersey instead of his last. I'd buy a "Kurt" jersey.
• Remember Emilio Bonificio?
• One complete game and everyone's ready to jump on the Sharion Martis bandwagon. I realize its the Nats and they'll take what they can get, but the media makes it seem like he's piling up the quality starts or something.
• The bandwagon you need to be hoppin on is the Wandy Rodriguez one.
• Did Cole Hamels walk under a ladder, while a black cat was crossing his path?
  
• I think the problem with the Mets is they're just too darn bland. There's no "fire", no "je ne sais pas". Who's the Matt Franco of this club? The Roger McDowell? The Al Leiter? The Benny Agbayani? Don't get me wrong I'm sure that Ramon Castro is a real card in the clunhouse.
  
• Watch out for Alberto Callaspo, he's making the most of the extra ABs.
  
• Matchup of the week: Pirates-Brewers. Monday night. Maholm vs. Gallardo. Have some!
• Buy low fantasy player of the week: Magglio Ordonez. Mags is due to breakout any second now!
  
• Sell high fantasy player of the week: Ricky Weeks. Okay, I know no one is really all that high on Rickie Weeks, but he's playing the best he'll probably play all year, so if you gotta another 2B, than see if you can move him for middle relief or something.
  
• Jason Marquis is pitching well?
• AFLAC trivia of the week: Hee-seop Choi is has more home runs in the majors than any other Korean born player, with 40. Shouldn't take Shin-Soo Choo too long to beat that.
  
• Usually I am all for the throwbacks, especially powder blue ones, but there's something irksome about the ones the Jays sport.
• Brewers throwbacks on the other hand? Absolutely gorgeous!
  
  
• Last week Jorge Cantu had 14 RBIs! Fourteen! Dang!
  
• Seriously, who exactly is gonna win the AL Central?
• Who says the art of base stealing is dead? Days after Dexter Fowler stole five bases in a game, no small feat in itself, Carl Crawford ties a record by swiping six bags in a game against the Sawx. I'm no Elias Sports Bureau, but I'm thinking its probably rather rare that twice in a week someone steals 5 or more bases in a game.
  
• Speaking of the Sawx, get ready for the rest of the league to be overshadowed for two days as the Sawx take on the Yanks tonight and tomorrow.
• Just for esses and gees, Kurt Stillwell.
• And your baseball beer of the week is..........Cooperstown Brewing's Nine Man Ale. A light golden ale with some fine English pale and crystal malts and torrified, not to be confused with horrified, wheat. enjoy!