WEEK FIVE: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD KITNA

Due to some whathaveyous, I'm gonna have to kind of give you a quick hitting version of this week's picks. Not to worry though, next week "Bitterness" will reemerge with the thunder! Now on with the show!

VIKINGS @ RAMS: I cannot envision many scenarios in which the Rams would win this game. Um, let's see, if the Vikings starters are inflicted with swine flu, maybe, maybe the Rams will have a chance. So, barring any sort of plague befalling the Vikes, Rams will lose. Vikings 28-10

COWBOYS @ CHIEFS: Did you notice that, for the most part the one o'clock games are pretty lame? The Cowboys are about as inconsistent as they come right now. Well sort of. They beat bad teams and lose to teams that are mediocre or above. Using that rationale, I'd go with the 'Boys 38-21

REDSKINS @ PANTHERS: One of my favorite stats I've seen thus far this year, is that the Redskins have yet to face a team with a win. Not a winning record, a win. Giants (0-0), Rams (0-1), Lions (0-2), Bucs (0-3). And the trend continues with the winless Panthers this week. Unfortunately the 'Skins have not looked impressive in any of these games and Mark Rypien's not walking through that door. Panthers 24-20

BUCCANEERS @ EAGLES: Westbrook healthy + McNabb healthy + Jackson healthy= bad news for the Bucs. Eagles 31-17

RAIDERS @ GIANTS: Will Eli play or not? Will it matter? Giants 28-17

BROWNS @ BILLS: Well, someone's gotta win. Bills 24-20

BENGALS @ RAVENS: Probably the best early game going on Sunday. Bengals are the feel good story thus far, but the Ravens can change that in a hurry, bringing Cincy and their fans back to Earth for at least a week. Ravens 21-14

STEELERS @ LIONS: Get your tickets for the Duante Culpepper experience now, while they're still available. Steelers 31-21

FALCONS @ FORTY-NINERS: One of several intriguing four o'clock matchups. The Falcons are rested and have had to think about that clunker they had in Foxboro, but the Niners are playing inspired football. Niners 17-13

PATRIOTS @ BRONCOS: The Broncos are the most overrated 4-0 team out there. That's not to say they're not good, they just haven't proven it yet. The Patriots historically struggle in the mile-high air, and Josh McDaniels is a Belichik protege. Look for the lame duck handshake after Denver moves to 5-0. Broncos 17-13

TEXANS @ CARDINALS: This one has all the makings of a high falootin', gunslingin', all or nothinin', desert shootout. Cards 42-37

JAGUARS @ SEAHAWKS: Hey, what was with those electric green jersey the 'Hawks were sporting the other week? Um, Seahawks the World League of American Football called, they want their jerseys back. Seahawks 25-22

COLTS @ TITANS: Love that people want to bench Kerry Collins for Vince Young. I can't say it's an all out terrible idea. I mean if anything he adds a different dimension the defense has to account for, and no I don't mean "suckiness". Honestly I don't see what they have to lose? If they lose everyone will be critical of whatever Jeff Fisher does anyway, might as well look like your trying to do something. They're already four games back in the division, with 12 to play, for Pete sake! Colts 34-24

JETS @ DOLPHINS: I realize the Dolphins did some thing last year, but this is already the second time they've been on Monday night! And both games in Miami, on that atrocious looking field? That's just makes me mad. Come on! Jets 21-17

And now your Cheeeeeeeese!