PLAY BALL!

Welcome back to baseball, welcome back to "Bitterness"! After today, every Major League Baseball will have played their first game of 2012, barring inclement weather or any sort of natural disaster, I suppose. But you're catchin' what I am throwin', right? Baseball is back and I'm as giddy as a school girl! And as everyone knows there ain't nobody giddier than a gosh darned school girl! Now, I have some bold predictions and burning questions for this upcoming MLB season, which will come in a somewhat later post, coming to an internet near you next week. For today, I've got some early season observations to kick this season off with a "Boom!... goes the dynamite!" And yes, I will continue to beat the phrase, "Boom!.. goes the dynamite" right into the ground, but don't you worry, I'll certainly be tossing even more inane (it's pronounced insane) catchphrases that are sure to be shared around the water cooler at the office. But enough of this argle bargle, on with the show, as it were!

• Are people really raving about the new Marlins stadium/park? With that pinata or whatever it is beyond the centerfield wall? Here's a text exchange I had with a couple of friends of the blog on Wednesday night regarding this, for lack of a better word, stadium:
  

"The green walls in the Marlins Stadium look rather ridiculous."

"Their unis, the walls and that monstrosity over the outfield fence all look ridiculous."

"They're supposed to be a baseball team for christ sake not a gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) off-Broadway cabaret. Have some respect for yourselves!!"

"Bobblehead museum's sorta cool."

"It's a ballpark, not a campy (not that there's anything wrong with that) Mexican (or that) B-movie."

"I like it, what else you got?"

"It's a baseball stadium, not Mexican Liberace!"

"It's a baseball stadium, not a Nacho Libre costume!"

"It's a baseball stadium, not a Spanish talk show! At least not without Bumblebee man!"

"It's a baseball stadium, not a production of Jose and el dreamcoat l'amazicano!"

"Ha! We have a winner!!"

Now, if I've offended anyone, let me just say "Bitterness" has great respect for both Mexican and Spanish cultures and were only pulling from the colorful (see what I did there?) traditions of both. The intent here is not to offend. You will know full well, when we are trying to offend you and your culture and beliefs. It will usually start with me saying, "no offense". Speaking of "no offense"....

• Where were the bats on Real Opening Day? Pitchers dominated! Of the 14 teams in action, only 4 plated more than 3 runs and...
  
• Every game Thursday was decided by three runs or less!
• Jack "someone's bucking for a promotion, probably the pederast" Hannahan (this reference is funnier and less offensive and weird if, like a normal human being, you've memorized every line of Fletch) is atop the Home Run leader board in the AL.
  
• Hannahan, with a select few is now on pace to hit 162 home runs. That'd be a record.
• I pretty much predicted Valverde and Chris Perez's blown saves.
• Valverde is highly overrated and I was never confident last year when he would come into a game. That being said, he may only blow a couple more saves and everyone will be singing his praises again.
  
• Saves are dumb.
• Miguel Cabrera is on pace to commit 162 errors this season. That'd also be a record. The downgraded defense for the Tigers will see a slight uppage in ERA and WHIP for their picthers, if you care about that sort of thing.
• The Alfredo Aceves experiment is off to roaring start! It's one game, I know, but that's why writing this whole post is so much fun. Aceves is not great closer material. I'm sure the Sox could get Rich "El Guapo" Garces back and he'd probably be more effective.
  But seriously, the Sox bullpen? Not exactly confidence inspiring.
• Also, if you had Spring Training in your "Andrew Bailey's first stint to the DL" pool, you are a lucky duck!
• Rangers rotation is getting a ton of hype, but unless Darvish is utterly dominant, their pitching is above average at best. Although, no idea what Feliz will do in the rotation. All I'm saying is anyone not picking the Angels to take the AL West, is nuts! This of course is barring major injuries....The Angles four starter was the Rangers ace last year, for crying out loud!
• Zack Cozart...know him, love him.
• One of the most underrated players in baseball has to be Ben Zobrist. Blind comparison of two keystoners over the past three seasons (from MLB network via my buddy Jables)
  

PLAYER A- .377 OBP, .467 SLG, 243 average total bases.

PLAYER B- .367 OBP, .453 SLG, 246 average total bases.

Player A gets a slight nod, but these are pretty comparable, especially in Fantasy Baseball circles. Player A is Dustin Pedroia and Player B is Zorilla.

• Jay Bruce can outright mash! Reds should win their division with relative ease if they stay healthy.
• Kerry Wood, came in to hold a lead for the Cubs on Thursday....proceeding to walk 3 straight batters, the last with the bases loaded. Oh yeah, he was 0-2 on all 3 hitters.
  
• Dale Sveum will fit in nicely as Cubs manager...sending a guy (Ian Stewart to be exact) from third, on contact, with less than 2 outs, down one run late...leading of course to a ground out and Stewart being cut down at the plate by roughly 75 feet, thusly ending a Cubs rally. Classic Cubs. Sveum as it ever was at Wrigley.
  
• Luckily the Jays pulled out a win, but can't imagine John Farrell was too happy with Rajai Davis not running out a bunt in extra innings leading to a double play, which more or less killed the rally.
• Tough breaks for Justin Masterson, who had the most opening day Ks for an Indians starter in 4 decades), Justin Verlander and Justin, er, I mean, Ryan Dempster.
• Jamie Moyer will start this weekend at age 49. He is pitching against the Astros. The oldest player on the Astros roster is Carlos Lee. He's 35, making him the only Astro that was older than 7 when Moyer pitched in his first game.
• If you are in a deep or NL-only fantasy league, pick up Erik Bedard and ride his decentness till his inevitable trip to the DL. I was thinking this before his first start, in case you were curious.
  
• Same for Bartolo Colon, except switch NL-only to AL-only. But if you needed me to tell you that, then I really don't think I can help you.
• David Freese is wildly overrated.
• Still waiting for that Marlins offense to show up.
• Lance Lynn....remember that name. Next Mike Morgan!
• Not sure if this contributed to the lack of runs on Opening Day, but a lot of home plate umpires seemed to have wide strike zone.
• Eric Thames looks like he belongs in the Majors....circa the 1970s early 80s...

Alright, well that's all I got for you today...but in upcoming "Bitterness" posts I'll delve into advanced stats, praise Mark Grace, make bold predictions, talk up Ben Zobrist, berate Jose Valverde, talk about beers, give you fantasy advice and give you random baseball facts! But for now, my new favorite commercial because, well, just watch....