Deja-vu, all over again!

Well, it almost seemed inevitable, but once again the Red Sox and Yankees will meet in a best-of-seven series to decide who represents the American League in the World Series. That can only mean one thing, it's go time! Yankees vs. Red Sox, New York vs. Boston, The Evil empire against Red Sox Nation, Clean-shaven Metrosexuals taking on Scruffy "Idiots". For baseball, it's a beautiful thing. And although, as a life-long Sox fan, I was rooting for the Twins in the LDS, I knew it wouldn't be the same if they didn't have to go through the Yankees. If anything it should be a good or at least entertaining series. First off, these teams have split their last 64 meetings right down the middle. The benches have cleared on a number of occassions. and if that's not tantilizing enough, there's a good chance you'll get to here either Tim McCarver or Steve Lyons announce the games. Dare I say, "Jackpot!"
But the reality of it all, is this really could be the year. This could be the year the BoSox do indeed "Reverse the Curse". On paper they're a better team at about 2/3 of the positions in the field. Now sure, "on paper", doesn't always translate to real life. And sure I've been saying, "this could be the year", every year as far back as I can remember. In fact, I think those were my first words. But this series the Red Sox are actually the favorites in Vegas. FAVORITES! Against the Yankees! Now Yankees fans are not exactly shaking in thier boots or anything, but they have to be somewhat nervous, whether they admit or not. Of course the way the Yankees fans tell it, not only have the Sox not won in 86 years but they have been dominated by the Bronx Bombers. Well not recently.
As I already mentioned they've split the last 64 meetings. The Sox took the season series by an 11-8 margin. The last time Boston swept a postseason series where the clinching game was at Fenway was, you guessed it, 1918. This of course, for those of you living under a rock for your whole life, was the last time the Red Sox were the World Champions. Now again all this means nothing, really. It's what happens on the field that decides the series. Red Sox nation knows that all too well. After all they are the ony team in baseball to be one strike, yes ONE FRICKIN, GALDARN strike, away from winning it all and not coming away with it. And I can't forget Aaron "Bleepin" Boone, partly because the highlight is shoved down my throat by Fox and ESPN at any chance possible, and partly because it haunts my draems. But the signs look good. The Yankees bullpen is very weak and their starters have been suspect most of the season. Even, Mr. Automatic, Mariano Rivera has struggled with the BoSox lineup, blowing two save this season alone against them(He only blew four total during the entire regular season.). Although Yankees fans won't admit it, they must be a tad bit nervous that this could be the year the Sox take down the Evil Empire. Rivalry, feud, whatever you want to call it, it's on, and should be another wild ride!

Bitterness 101

First off I would like to wish my good friend Kenneth Jones a belated Happy Birthday! Go get 'em Kenners! Mothers, lock up your daughters, Ken's on the prowl!
So, while I was working out at the gym the other day. What?! Okay fine you got me Columbo ("You see Columbo, he pretends to be stupid, when really he's sharp like tack."), while I was drinking heavily at a bar the other day I started thinking. No, really, I did. It all started with something, my faithful hetero-life mate Bill Shannon, had said to be hours earlier. Allow me to paint you a picture:
As you may or may not no, I am, on occassion, a tad bit on the bitter side. Sure there are several stages of my bitterness, the highest level, of course, being bitter, drunken Willie. At this point I become very bitter, angry and will, at times, engage in nonsensical arguments, which I don't lose, in my mind anyway. Actually, whilst in this stage I may at some point in my incoherent ranting realize I'm wrong, but keep going for know other reason, than to avoid admitting I'm wrong. One example, would be when my doctor, Dr Chaos himself, Mark Phelps, and I were arguing about the Olympics, of all things, at a local watering hole and we were asked to leave, due to the fact that we could not control, "THE VOLUMES OF OUR VOICES!" It's not something I'm gonna throw on a resume, sure, but I think it adds a unique variable to the bar experience. But, I digress, back to the tale at hand, Billy.
You see Billy and his better half Rage KJ went to the Buffalo Bills, New England Patriots game this past Sunday. In retelling his story, he said he, during the game, had turned into drunken, bitter Willie. Sure, like a mom learning her child had finally stopped wetting the bed, I was proud. However, as he went into detail, I realized this drunken, bitter Billy would not have pleased me. You see the Bills (Bill's favorite squadron) were playing host to the defending World Champion and undefeated New England Patriots (Willie's favorite squadron). Now, as Bill can attest, in general we have no real ill wishes towards each other or our respective teams, because as I put it, "The two teams have never really been good at the same time." So really there is no hatred, from me, towards the Bills. I reserve my football hatred for the Dolphins, Cowboys and Raiders, oh my! But, poor Bill, was seated amongst a large Patriot contingent, in BUFFALO! Which, is fine, gotta go and support the team, right? But a bunch of them had red shirts, with the number 32 on the front, with either O.J. or Juice printed on it (you'll have to ask Bill, I am telling this second- hand.) and on the back a number 11, with the words "Wide Right". Now, if you're not a Bills fan, this is, I will admit humorous, but at the same time cruel. As I previously mentioned, there is no need for Patriots fans to have any sort of hatred directed towards the Bills or their fans. But this is like opening up Pandora's Box with my young bitter padawan learner, as well it should of. Now what Bill yelled, I cannot endorse, but I also do not fault him for it. The only thing to do in Bill's situation, that would not possibly cost him jail time (Jail time? What am I talking about, his brother's BEACH JUSTICE!), was to yell out, a chant I could not and would not, ever, ever, ever utter in that tone, "19-18!" Now Bill hates the Yankees with a lot of his being, not as much as me, because only master Yoda has those kinda of levels, he was just doing it to get a rise out of said hecklers, which is CHAPTER 1 in Willie Moe's: A Guide to Being Bitter (to order, call toll free 1-800-555-HOTT, operators are standing by. Order now and get a free MEGA-MART NO THANK YOU mesh hat!).
You see, while at the bar both the Yankees-Twins and Red Sox-Angels games were on. From what I could tell, there were only Yankees and Red Sox fans watching these games. But both sets of fans had a rooting interest in both games. Red Sox fans cheering on the BoSox and the Twins, while Yankee fans rooted on the Angels and the Yanks. It's just amazing how much you can hate people, without even talking to them or hearing them speak, just by who they're cheering for. I love it! Which brings me to the Yankees fans. Now, if Yankees fans feel they are so far superior than the Red Sox and are not worried about the Red Sox, why would they be rootin against them? After all, according to everyone outside of Beantown, this isn't a rivalry, because it's so one-sided. But is it, is it really? The way Yankees fans talk you would think the Red Sox hardly ever beat them. Sure they have like 20 more championships, but in head-to-head, last I checked it's been pretty close of late (not over the span of their entire existences). Just in the last two years, for example , the two teams have split the last 64 meetings (this is before this year's ALCS, which I'm not even gonna get into, we'll save the bitter blog for a later date). Or the fact that in the late 80s, early 90s, The Red Sox were winnning the AL East, with division titles in '86, '88, and '90. Seems pretty lop-sided to me (note the sarcasm). now Yankees fans may say, well they're winning now, you're talking about the past. Oh, the past, really? The past as in 1918, past? Or 2000, the last Yankees title, past? Yankees fans make me extremely angry and bitter, that's a given. They are like the little spoiled kid down the street who gets everything he wants, like the Knight Rider Big Wheel. Damn you kid who's name I can't remember because your family moved in 2nd grade! But I digress. Now I'm not saying Red Sox fans aren't annoying, because that certainly would not be true, but obviously that annoys me less. And it's not all fans. Its those Yankees fans who come out in October and have no idea what's going on and yell out stupid crap at bars and cheer for fly balls that are routine outs (God I hate that!) and saying things like, and this is an exact quote about the ALCS during Game 1 at the Change of Pace, where they have the most glorious wings ever, but anyway, now that you're lost in this sentence and may need a nap, "Is this a best of seven series?" I just want to grab one of those Quick Draw pencils and stab them in the eye! Now that I've vented a little, I can about my business of the day, which of course will involve drinking and being very bitter, whilst continuing with Billy-ball's bitter training.

I'll take Potent Potables for $600 Alex.

Well here it, the much anticipated, long awaited, classic overphrases of what will go down in history has the Best Weekend Ever-Interleague/Old-Stlye.
The participants:
Dr. Chaos himself, Mark "One can of soda" Phelps
The Drunken 5'11 Irishman, Casey, better known as Toastie and lesser known as Shortstop
Jitter- 6'10 baller from Landfill, OH
Jables- The biggest user of Tums in the greater Albany area
Billy- The man behind the "fourth wall" (that means he held the camera)
The Red-Faced Bostonian-Thomas C. O'Connor, aka Tucker
His pal and confidant, Reyn
Danny "you're dead to me" Banazek
Myself, Willie Moe Pain-ya!, a bitter young man with too many hats.
Oh yeah and Dunford

On with the show:
"I'm 5'11!"-Toastie

" Mega-Mart No Thank You! (In reference to my glorious mesh hat)! Mini-mart, yes please."-Jitter

Upon entering the city of Chi-ga-go and seeing an inactive tank:
Toastie, "Why is there a tank there?" My reply, "In case there's a war." (insert Bill giggling here)

"I thought it was the New Jersey album, I was gonna throw myself out of the van!"- Billy

After having to pull off the highway, we looked to Tucker for answers: Us in the van, "Tommy, what's going on?" Tommy's reply, "Anybody got any gum?" (enter the repeated lines from Norm MacDonald as David Letterman on SNL)

In reference to a candy bar mishap on a previous trip, to Montreal, "No candy bars for TOASTIE!"-Phelps

"G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-UN-IT!" Bill to some random African-American in Landfill, OH, to which Bill got G-united right back.

"Rock-it!"-Everyone

Toastie, after pumping his fist to a Chi-ga-go bus driver, driving by, "The bus driver rocked me back!"

"Red, pink and blue. God Bless America!"- Me, in reference to the colors of the three wristbands I was donning at the time.

Made up TV spot for the Kroger beverage, Dr. K, "Hey Jitter, how 'bout an house call?" "Ahhhh, just what the doctor ordered!"

"We need constant attention."- My response to our special waitress at the Chi-ga-go bar Sluggers, when asked if we needed anything

"I'm eyeing that soda"- Me in a whisper to Toastie, upon Phelps hopping in the van with a solo can of soda.

"9 inches!"-Don't ask!

"All of it higher"

"AJ Feely, without question, the next Hugh Millen"-Me

"Classic Over-Stroh's!"-Jitter

"I haven't seen a wave that sad since Little League."- Me to Phelps at Miler Park in Wilewaukee, WI

"All of it lower!"

"DUNFORD, watch the road!!!!!"-Everyone in the van fearing for their respective lives.

At the Cubs game (I heard this one second-hand):
Phelps: It's cold.
Dunford: That's why they call it the Windy City.
Tucker (to Phelps): Just punch him in the face Phelpsy."
Editor's note: The term "Windy City" does not actually refer to the weather but to the city's political nature.

"Someone put him out of his misery."-Some random girl while watching Tommy attempt to hula-hoop outside of Wrigley Field

"I'm gonna Press My Luck!"

"Don't get it caught in his thicket of back hair." Javen in reference to the Arby's Adventure Meal toy being rolled along Toastie's back. P.S.-Toastie does have amazing back hair.

"Pass the blue cheese."

"I need some pizza buddy."-Tommy, in response to me trying to get him in a cab back to our hotel. Tommy was highly intoxicated at the time, I wondered how it came to pass that he was still standing.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!"- Jitter and Billy

"I don't want you to think I just sleep with random dudes!"- Toastie's message to Pa Cregg for father's day. It's true, Danny and I are by no means random dudes.

Q:"What's Reyn throwing up in?"
A:" A Dodge Stratus."

"Tree! Slap! Boing!"- Possible lyrics to the song, "Roll out the barrel."

And finally, we need to, "FREEZE THOSE CARDS!"

Goodnight and godbless!

It's Debatable!

Last evening I watched my first ever Presedential debate from start to finish. Not having cable, it was either that or watch the hit WB series (yes, I realize I just used "hit" and the WB in the same sentence, god help me!) One Tree Hill, with special guest star Huey Lewis. Like that's gonna happen! C'mon, I already have that episode on tape! So anyways here's my take on the debate:

John Kerry reminds me of one of those puppets from the Phil Collins video. You know, "this is the world we live in, woooooh...."


George W. (pronounced dubya) Bush kind of reminded me of Adam Sandler towards the end of Billy Madison, just hoping his topic would be, "Dog poo and the human response"

John Kerry: This war on Iraq reminds me much of the war in Vietnam, which I not only fought in, but was awarded purple hearts.

Dubya: This war on terrorism (pronounced tearism when Bush says it) reminds me of a little puppy, a little puppy that lost it's way.

Kerry: I WILL hunt down and kill the terrorists, much like I had to hunt and kill in Vietnam, where I served our country and was awarded purple hearts.

Dubya: I'm the PREZ! Nobody beats me, cause I'm the PREZ!

Kerry: This tan I now have, is much like the one I got in Vietnam, where I served our country proudly. It was hot and sunny over there, in Vietnam, where I was awarded purple hearts.

Dubya: I'm the president, neeeener, neener, neeeeeeeeener.

Now a way to make the upcoming debates fun for the whole family at home.....Turn them into a drinking game of course! (Make sure you have lots of alcohol available)

1drink anytime:
Bush is shown with that smug, arrogant disintersted, digusted face, otherwise known as the Bush, "I'm not really listening, but I know they're talking bad about me" face

Kerry shows those big equine teeth of his (get the guy a bit to chew on)

Bush stutters or has a long "thinking" pause

Anyone one says "War on terrorism". Bush saying, "the war on tearism" also counts.

2 drinks anytime:
Bush uses a big word that he doesn't understand. We're talking polysyllabic intelligent words that there's know way in Iraq, he knows the meaning of. Example from last night: Vociferously

Anytime either candidate utters the words, "Wrong war, wrong place, wrong time."

Anytime Bush refers to Kerry as a flip-flopper or shower shoes

Anytime Kerry mentions his service in Vietnam

3 drinks for:
Mention of stem cell research, gay marriage (this drink must be either a daquiri or a sea breeze), or weapons of mass destruction.

Either candidate does the ever famous, Clinton thumb point thing.

Bush makes up a word, like couragosity.

These are just a few things, feel free to see where the wind takes you and add you're own rules to the game. Let's make America great again folks! Get out and vote and vote often, for your NBA All-Stars! We will get John Kerry on that team yet!

VOTE KERRY!
GO RED SOX!
MEGA-MART NO THANK YOU!