WEEK 16: THIS HOLIDAY DOESN'T BEGIN UNTIL SOMEONE PINS KITNA!

With Festivus practically upon us, "Bitterness" has decided to air some grievances with this weeks picks. I've got a lot of problems with you people! Someone get the pole from the crawl space and let's air some grievances!




CHIEFS @ RAIDERS: NFL Network and Time Warner why won't you get into bed with each other?! It's killing me knowing there are games on tv somewhere that I can't watch! c'mon T-Dub, I'll trade away some channels to get the NFL Network if I have to! I'm sure there are plenty of channels that I don't give a damn about! I know fitTv could probably go. Oh and Comcast don't think you're getting off that easy, why won't you come to town? We'd take ya in a heart beat! Chiefs 28-13

RAVENS @ STEELERS: This grievance goes out to everyone who is too busy annointing Brian Billick the offensive messiah! Yeah, when your defense is so tough, it sets up a short field for the offense, not to mention scores some points on it's own, via the turnover. But, hey, hey, hey! Where you going Jim Fassel?! Is it too complicated to hand off to Jamal Lewis more??? Ball control and clock management should be the name of the game in Baltimore. Ravens 24-0.

PANTHERS @ FALCONS: Panthers, what the fudge?!! You were a trendy Super Bowl pick and you aren't even gonna make the playoffs?!! Steve Smith can't do it all folks!! Panthers 24-23

BEARS @ LIONS: I take issue with anyone thinking about the possibility of the Lions drafting a QB with next spring's high draft pick. Not necessary folks! Do I have to spell it out for ya?! K-I-T-N-A. Bears 17-10.

COLTS @ TEXANS: Ya screwed me Tony Dungy! If Bob Sanders wasn't gonna play two weeks ago, just tell us that! I could have picked up any number of DBs to advance me to my fantasy football semifinals, but nooooooooo! You have to be all sneaky, sneaky. As far as I'm concerned you owe me $20! I will take a post-dated, out of state, third party check. And yes Bill I know that Belichik is the one responsible for all this. Colts 45-14

PATRIOTS @ JAGUARS: Hey Bilichik, get over yourself and stop trying to be so fancy! Sometimes you have to pay people money! Yeah that's right, what happens if the mighty Reche Caldwell goes down, then what? Oh and would it kill ya to where some nice pants? I mean, do you even own a pair of khakis?? It's time to hang up the burlap sack, my friend! Patriots 17-14.

SAINTS @ GIANTS: Another must win for the Eli Manning. Boy he sure has come into his own this year, hasn't he? Giants 16-13

BUCCANEERS @ BROWNS: Hey Gruden, how you gonna bench B-Grad? Your season's already in the pooper, why not let him build momentum into next year. I mean let's face it B-Grad is the "Bitterness" QB of the future, who will ascend to Kitna's throne once he retires. Browns 6-3.

TITANS @ BILLS: This grievance is for both teams. How come you couldn't play like this all year long? As it stands you are still hanging onto playoff life by the smallest of threads. Bills 21-14.

REDSKINS @ RAMS: Redskins, you suck! Rams 28-24.

CARDINALS @ 49ERS: Don't know about you, but I would love to watch this one. Denny Green has gotta be on his way out, right? I mean he hasn't done anything well. And as for the front office, stop drafting offensive firepower and maybe trade down and bulk up the offensive line. It's an old story, but I gotta think that's what they should be looking into. Cardinals 49-45.

BENGALS @ BRONCOS: You can't expect to win after benching Jake the Snake! It's karma, Mike Shanahan, karma. Or maybe it's for all that crazy chop blocking, I dunno? As for the Bengals, they'll make the playoffs if they can stay out of prison! Bengals 20-10.

CHARGERS @ SEAHAWKS: Hey Seahawks, why does your team name have to be so hard to type? When I try and type it fast it turns into, seawhaks! Blah! And also what is the deal with everyone just seeming to be all about Shawne Merriman's return? All of sudden, it's like the steroid thing just didn't happen! That and what is the deal with the spelling of his first name?! Am I right, or am I right? Chargers 35-31.

EAGLES @ COWBOYS: Why am I the only one who realizes that Jeff Garcia is Boggs from Shawshank Redemption? C'mon media, get with the program, life is passing you by! I mean can you tell the difference? Check the picture to your right and see if you can guess which one it is. Cowboys 24-23.

JETS @ DOLPHINS: Seriously?! This is the Monday Nighter? Whoopity-do! Merry Christmas to us! This is how you celebrate the birth of our savior?! Blasphemy! You might as well have a manger scene with Joe Theismann smothering the baby Jesus! Am I right? Okay maybe that was a bit of a stretch, but I just don't like the game, which is actually, probably gonna be a decent game. J-E-T-S 21-14.

Happy Festivus to all, Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch has made a rather sizable donation to the Human Fund in the name of it's loyal readers! Another Festivus miracle!