NFL DRAUGHT

Yes, that's right folks with the NFL Draft just days away, and our drinking game alraedy out there, it's time to roll out the very first "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NFL Draught"! Now this is a mainly beer-ish menu, so you won't find a Merlot Olsen, a Donald "Screw"-Driver, a Jeff Jaeger-meister, or a Sex on the Pat Beach. So here it is, drink it in.


DARK ALES:
THE JOEY PORTER- This robust beverage, is dark, rich and quite the heavy hitter. It's an all out blitz of the taste buds, so look out!

JERRY PORTER-This is a smoother porter than the Joey, but just as dark and rich. It is not quite as unreserved as the Joey either, but does have some kick. Perfect for the refrigerator raider, looking for a dark drink after a long day at the office.

KNUTE BROWN- Here's another delectable dark beer, you'll want to drink for the gipper. It really rock-nes!

OATMEAL STOUT-MIRE- You can rest assured, this one is, stout, on taste. Hahaha. Take your time and savor this one. Plus it's Wilford Brimley approved, as it's like drinking a bowl of Quaker Oats.

PALE AND BELGIAN ALES:
I.P.A.IKMAN- This is the star of our pale ales, so cowboy-up if you think you can handle it! It's an aromatic and classy choice, worthy of it's namesake.

PALE ALE DEL GRECO- Let me tell you, this is an Ale with some kick! This is a must try for every ale lover out there.

I.P.A.-KERS- While it is not as strong as the Pale Ale Del Greco, it can give you a good ol' kick in the pants, and make you soar.

I.P.YA.- A tittle-ating ale full of flavor and alcohol content. So watch out my friends, cause this drink is in the Hall of Fame.

AMBEUR-LEIN ALE- This light brown pale ale is very modest when it comes to hoppiness, but will overpower you with deliciousness.

FLEMISH RHETT- A mildly strong "beer" known for its reddish-brown color, it has a distinct fruity and yet acidy taste. But don't be fooled by the fruity taste, it can buc' ya after a while.

MINTER WARMER- Only served seasonally in the cold of winter, it is a wonderfully spiced beverage, that'll warm ya through and through.

WHEAT BEERS:
DANNY WHITE BEER- Not a drink that'll really overpower you, this is a nice drink for a laid back night at home with your significant other.

APRICOT WHEAT-LEY- For those looking to branch out in their drinking, this is a good place to start. Not to strong and a bit fruity, if you're into that thing. These are not words we would use to describe this beverages namesake , however.

DERON CHERRY WHEAT- One of our personal favorites! A chief staple at any good party, this is a sweet and refreshing beer, that is great for any occassion! Plus it's good for you, cause it has fruit!

HEFEWEIZEN-DEJAS- Kick it up a notch with this German wheat beer that'll have you drunk and in lederhosen in no time. This one is straight through the uprights!

And coming soon... the Ted Bel-Ginn White

LAGERS:
THE BRIAN UR-LAGER- As tenacious as the linebacker it's named for, it'll be no, bear, getting it down. We're dubbing this lager "The New Monster of the Midway."

JEFF LAGER-MAN- A dry lager for you jet-setters out there. It's cheap and delicious, and lager than life! Perfect for cookouts, barbecues or any gathering, really.

TY LAW-GER- You'll have to man-up if you're gonna take down this potent lager, worthy of the patriots of yore.

BOCKS:
DOPPELBOCK HUARD- A strong drink, not to be taken lightly. It has a huskiness about it, that'll have you coming back for more.

HASSELL-BOCK- This one is a strong and underrated beverage. It is stronger the Bock Huard, so it's no sissy drink, that's for sure.

BOCK-BERLIN- This one is not one of your better bocks, in fact it's really like a mere quarter-bock, when compared to the others.

LAMBICS AND MORE:
CRANBERRY LAMBIC-KETT- Duane should be proud to have his name on this lambic, as it is a delight! If you like cranberries, that is.

BLACKBERRY LAMBIC-KERT- This may be the only of it's kind, but it's as dark as the Raiders uniform worn by Mr. Bickert.

BLACK AND SURTAIN- If you like your half-and-halfs, than you'll love our black and tan offering.

MATT BAHR-LEY WINE- This has the most "kick" of any beverage on here, so lookout! It'll only take a couple of these to get your evening off to a right proper start.

BOBBY HE-BEER- (pronounced, ay-beer)- This is a cajun beer, pretty new to most of the world, so very few beerists would even know about it. But, by gumbo, it's a delicious, fiery, and yet saintly, brew. It's here, because he haven't figured out where to group it just yet.

Well there you have it, the first "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NFL Draught." Hope you enjoyed.

HERE COMES THE DRAFT, NOW DRINK!

The NFL Draft is nearly upon us, which means it's time to role out the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch" NFL Draft Drinking Game. The NFL Draft is by far the most watched draft of any major sport and garners many males to waste a Saturday sitting in front of the television set, watching video of college players and people stepping up to, and onto, a podium. It's a long day and really you're probably not gonna care about 97% of the picks. That may even be high, but luckily we're here to liven things up for you. Now of course these are more or less just suggestions to get started, and you can sure as heck, add, or modify any of these to your own liking.

ONE SWIG:
--Anytime an announcer at the draft uses the word "upside". Usually this just means that they think very little of the player, but don't want he or his family to feel bad. Here's an example: "He's not very mobile and has a questionable arm, but this quarterback has a big upside!" There is no actual film or comments to back this statement up, it's just believed to be true, because someone on television said it.

--Everytime the team on the clock brings the clock down to under a minute before selecting.

--Anytime anyone thanks God. This may or may not happen a lot.

--Separate the room into offense and defense. The offensive guys drink everytime an offensive guy is drafted and, obviously, the defensive guys will drink for every defensive guy drafted.

--Whenever Chris Berman throws out a Bermanism or one of his clever nicknames like Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman or Justin Harrell and Maude.

--Anytime Joe Theismann speaks and you have not a clue as to what he is talking about. (By the way, I don't know who, exactly, is covering the draft for the Worldwide Leader in Sports, so these may not apply.)

--Anytime they show the lame promo that will feature severall of the projected first round picks, spinning footballs, and generally looking manly.

-- Here's a fun one, similar to a power hour. Drink a shot, or sip of, beer, every minute your team is on the clock. Being a Patriots fans, I could be drinking a lot, as they have the 24th and 28th pick. That's like half a power hour right there kids!


TWO SWIGS:
-- Everytime they show you a war room or mention "the war room"

-- Anytime current NFL players speak during the event.

-- You could have everyone separately, or as a group, pick a conference and drink evertime someone from that conference is selected.

--Whenever they compare a draftee to a current or former NFL Player, like "Many think so-and-so is like Tony Eason with talent." "This kid's being touted as the next Jon Kitna." You know, stuff like that.

--Everytime a lineman is drafted. You could also up the ante and make it only offensive linemen, but then you'd probably have to up the drinkage as well.

--Any sort of combine footage.

--Anytime they mention a draft bust, like Akili Smith, David Klingler, or Ki-Jana Carter. Seriously, who was running those Bengals' drafts? A trained monkey smoking a cigarette?

-- Anytime consecutive picks play the same position.

--Anytime the announcing team all enjoy a little chuckle at something one of them said.

THREE-FOUR SWIGS:
--Anytime they flashback to a previous NFL Draft

--Anytime the announcers, especially Mel Kiper, are surprised by a selection.

--Anytime the player gets up to go to the podium and their suit or attire, generates an honest to God, "Damn" or a "Whoa!" from the room you are in.

--Anytime a player is drafted who has two capital letters in his first name, like JaMarcus or LaRon.

--Anytime a pick happens and you don't see it, because the announcers are still talking and they have to then catch you up on what you missed.

----When it gets towards the end of the first round and they start showing those last poor soul in the green room, wondering where and when he will get drafted. You can do a couple things here, like drink everytime they show him, or, drink for every pick (from when he becomes the last player in attendance) that goes by until he is selected.

HALF A DRINK:
-Anytime someone from your local school or area is drafted. You could switch this up and have everyone in the room drink when someone from their alma mater is drafted, if this can carry the game. Meaning if, like me, you'll be in a room with a bunch of dudes who attended a college that did not have a football team, you may want to go with the area or local college thing, and not the alma mater. Play around with it, make it your own.

-- Everytime the crowd boos.

--Anytime a trade takes place.

--Any first round pick who is not in attendance to go up to the podium

-- Anytime Berman says something that honestly makes you laugh, because it's funny and not because he's an idiot.

WHOLE DRINK:
--Everytime a placekicker or punter is selected. This, you may need to carry over into the second day, but who knows.

--The person announcing the picks (Goodell maybe?) badly mispronounces a name.

--Anytime "gunslinger" or "riverboat gambler" is uttered by the announcing team.

--Anytime someone mentions that Brady Quinn's second cousin is Zachery Ty Bryan, aka, "Brad" from Home Improvement. True story. Or that he was born in Dublin, Ohio the home of Wendy's. Quinn, not Bryan. Either one's gold. GOLD, I tell ya!

--Anytime the clock expires and someone loses a pick.

--Everytime Joe Theismann says something intelligent.

-- And of course anytime they mention Shockey.

There you have it, plenty of stuff to get you started, but remember drink responsibly.

NOTHING HOKIE ABOUT IT

I thought it was sort of awesome that members of the Washington Nationals wore Virginia Tech hats in their game last night!

Bravo guys!

And it also is a great way to start off a brand new segment here at "Bitterness" called "Things that are worse than the Nationals and Royals." Now this has been a segment we've been planning since Spring Training, and sadly the Nationals are not even the worst team in the National League, because the Phillies are demonstrating all sorts of ways to suck! So yes the Phillies, right now are worse, but this is a mere speed bump on the road to entertainment. And so, today, we give you the very first ever "Things that are worse than the Nationals and Royals, not including the Phillies" And today's "Thing" is tragedy, in the form of recent events occurring on the campus of Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. I'm not going to go into the details of the event itself, because, unless you live under a rock, like that guy from Herman's Head in that commercial for some product, you should know what I'm talking about. Now let me just say, that I am fed up with "loners" going postal on their school. Being misunderstood and lonely is the LAMEST excuse to go on a shooting spree! A shopping spree, maybe. But a shooting spree?! First off, if you can find one person on this planet, who at one point or another in their lives has NOT felt like a lonely, depressed, misunderstood outsider, I'd be surprised. I, as hard as may be to believe, was not the most popular kid in my junior or senior high school. In fact in fifth grade, it was a common occurrence that I could not find a seat on the bus to school and faced much ridicule, much like Forrest Gump. Except I had no Jenny to give me a seat. But did I go and find a gun and a clock tower? No. I wrote scathing entries in my diary, like a normal heterosexual boy. But what really helped me out, is that I knew I had my friends at school. Most of these Columbine-esque shooters all seem to feel friendless, and hope these events will make people nicer to the "loners" or "weirdos" lurking around them. But the truth is you can't make people do that. People are always gonna be afraid of things that are different, but that's no reason to go shooting them at random. And there is absolutely no reason for anyone in this world to not have reliable friends, except for Lord Voldemort of course, because we all know he trusts no one. But seriously, if you can't find someone with whom you share interests, then that's probably for lack of looking, so don't blame anything on no one understanding you, or befriending you, cause that's bullpucky. So, put down the guns and go find someone you can connect with. They're out there, I assure you. I also assure you that most "Things that are worse than the Nationals and Royals" segments, will not be as deep and frought with emotion.

NAP TIME!

In case you haven't heard, Don Imus, the crotchity old, scratchy-voiced, wrinkled up, radio show host has recently drawn some ire from the African-American Community. On his radio show last week, Imus made "offensive" remarks about the Rutgers University women's basketball team. Apparently he referred to them as, "nappy-headed hos". Now, we in no way condone racism or shortsightedness, but for the Afro-American community to take offense like that, pretty much makes them racist for thinking that Donny would have to be describing the black members of the squad. People just assume he was being narrow-minded, just because the team is comprised of predominantly black women? You see, we looked at the team, and, as we do not personally know any of them, could neither confirm nor deny their innate ho-i-ness. But after scoping out their pictures, we saw very few who were, in fact, "nappy-headed." You see nappy actually means frizzy or fuzzy, and we were hard pressedto find a lot of hairdos on the squad that could fit that description. But where do the reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson get off, making it seem like only African-Americans can be "nappy-headed hos"? How racist are they?! Just take a look at these 'nap-heads":

Screech himself, Dustin Diamond:

Former NBA great Brad Lohaus:

Not the best picture, but you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find any quality picks of that sweet fuzzy-blonde do of his?

Boston Globe columnist and recent blog basher, Dan Shaughnessy:


and good ol' Phil Specter.

Thanks to ECP for that pic!

So sure, Imus is an a-hole, there's no denying that. But if he had said "so I'm at the bank trying to make a withdrawal from those big-nosed, money grubbing s.o.b.s", the Jewish community would be all up in arms! But aren't they the ones jumping right into the stereotype, by assuming he's talking about Jewish people? Hmmm? Hmmm? Well hope we've brought a bit of enlightenment to your life. If not, the moral is Imus and racial stereotypes are bad. Brad Lohaus, good. Right now I'm exhausted, and it's time for a nap.

MAIL CALL

Yes folks, it has been quite some time since we've answered your questions and the mailbag runneth over. But not even the WNBA Draft would keep us from answering our readers' questions. So here we go:

SWEET, SWEET FANTASY
Jeremy R of Hingham, MA asks, "Hey, am I mistaken or didn't you have a fantasy hockey team? I thought we'd get some hockey blogs, what ever happened to that?"

Well, Jeremy, you are correct. I did have a fantasy hockey team for the first time in almost 5 years, in hopes it would get me more involved with the NHL, and therefore have more hockey posts. But, alas, it could not hold my attention for very long. I stopped keeping track of my team, Bourque Chops, shortly after Kwanzaa. However I did recently see that I finished 9th out of ten teams. Not too shabby I feel. At least it wasn't last place, right? So the experiment did not work and I now know no more about profesional hockey than I did when the season began, but maybe next year, who knows?

Brad K of Lima, OH writes, "Hey, just drafted my fantasy teams and wanted to know how your fantasy draft(s) went and how you feel about the upcoming season?"

Well Brad, I have indeed drafted my two teams, down from four last year. I feel pretty good about my drafts in both leagues. One league has twelve teams so it goes pretty deep. I was in a league with most of these souls last year and dismally finished in last place, so I'm looking for a big turn around this year. My sqaud, currently named Smiling Politely, is very balanced and I like my chances. A lot of guys will look for the homerun guys, but I'm all about solid hitters and pitching. My pitching staff is solid with Johan Santana, Jason Schmidt and Freddy Garcia at the top, Nate Robertson, Justin Verlander and Jon Garland as the solid middle and Jason Jennings and Woody Williams to round out the starters. Bullpen is a tad shaky with "The Big Pear" Armando Benitez and Chad Cordero, who's save chances rely on the Nationals actually having a lead in the ninth inning. But, we do have Joe Nathan, so things aren't all bad. The hitting could be really good or just mediocre, with guys like Sheffield, Hafner and Nomar leading the way. Our steals so far have to be Aubrey Huff, Chris Duncan and Ronny Paulino.

Now in the other league, there are only eight teams, like last year. Last year I finished third in the regular season, but tore through the playoffs to win the whole effing thing! Now, since this league is not that deep, it's hard to tell how good my team really is. But I have Manny Ramirez and Big Papi, with Miguel Tejada, Chase Utley and Andruw Jones, and that seems like a pretty solid hitting squad, but who knows? Oh the current name, cause I know you're all wondering, is the Sultans of Squat.

FORGET FANTASY, WE'RE TALKING BASEBALL:
Gil M of Kansas City, MO writes, "The burning questions were good and all, but where's the baseball predictions? Are the Royals headed in the right direction?

Well, Gil, let me answer your questions in the opposite order. The Royals are not good. They have some young talent in the lineup, like Alex Gordon and Mark Teahan, so yes they may be headed in the right direction for the future, even with all that money they through at the 55 million dollar man Gil Meche.

Now, to your first question, the predictions. Here ya go:
AL EAST: The Jays could surprise some teams, but it's still a two horse race between the Yanks and Sawx. Look for the BoSawx to finally take away that stranglehold the Yanks have had on the division. cause Carl Pavano doesn't scare me.

AL CENTRAL: I liked the Indians to bounce back this year, even before they blew out the ChiSox on Opening Day. They've added a "Bitterness" fav, in Trot Nixon, which should add some solid hitting to an already dangerous lineup. That being said, it's hard to go against the Tigers. They won the American League Pennant last year and added the still dangerous Gary Sheffield to that lineup. It's all about pitching so the Tiggers will take it this year, but it won't be easy, as it could be a very tight four team race. I'm still taking Leyland and the Tigers.

AL WEST: I really don't see anyone overtaking the Angels in the West, but it may be a bit closer than most think. The Rangers, Mariners and A's could prove pesky, but they all have way more flaws than the Angels. Even the A's, who normally have a rotation of studs pitching, now have Dan Haren, Rich Harden and Joe Blanton. I'm not sold on anyone, but Harden, but he'll need to stay healthy, which has proved troublesome thus far in is major league career.

NL EAST: This is more wide open than most think. The Mets dominated this division last year, but have major pitching issues. Of course they can probably outslug anyone else in the league. The Phillies seem stronger, but that bullpen is still iffy, as we saw on opening day. The Braves have retooled after not winning the division for the first time since realignment, and have a bullpen that is as as good as they get. I wouldn't sleep on the Marlins either, with the strong young arms they bolster. I like the Mets to win the division again, barely.

NL CENTRAL: The Cardinals are the defending World Champions, but remember, they were that close to losing the division. Their pitching staff is not nearly as good as it was last year, and I still contend Chris Carpenter is overrated. I think the Astros, Cubs and Brewers could be dangerous to the Cards. I feel that the Brewers could be last years Tigers, especially if Ben Sheets pitches like he did on Opening Day. I mean they may not capture the pennant, but they could be playoff bound.

NL WEST: Still a weak division, but the Rockies and D-Backs have some hot young talent, that make them exciting to watch, but it's the Dodgers division to lose in our minds. They have the best pitching, combined with a decent lineup. Of course, don't discount the Padres, who more or less won the division the last two years by default, but also have strong pitching.

AL Division winners: Boston, Detroit, Anahiem
Wild Card: Royals (just kidding), Indians
NL Division Winners: Mets, Brewers, Dodgers
Wild Card: Phillies

ALCS: Sawx over Anahiem
NLCS: Dodgers over Mets

World Series: Sawx over Dodgers

Ben A of Hollywood, CA asks, "What do think of Matsuzaka Mania? Is he the real deal? How 'bout the red Sox moves in the offseason?"
Well Ben, I usually don't buy into hype, so I'll wait until he does something, before I really know what to think. He should be very good this year, much like Hideo Nomo was when he was a rookie. The question is, will the hitters figure him out after a while, like they did with Nomo? Well, for one, I hate, and always have hated JD Drew, while I loved Trot, so obviously I was not too pleased, with that move, even though Drew can hit. Overall the moves should turn out to be good. I mean obviously it was a big disappointment to lose out in the Gil Meche race, but hopefully it'll turn out for the best.

HOOPS:
Harold A. of, well, it just said overseas, asks "Where's the tournament recap? Did you win or what?"

Well Harold, I did in fact win the first annual, "Diet Mr. Pibb Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Men's Basketball Tournament Challenge". And a "thank you" to all three who entered. Surprisingly the second place bracket set was named, "Who's Coming in Second?" Of course the answer was, well, them. I was happy to have picked three of the Final Four teams, though. I did put a bracket in one pool, where I picked the higher seed in each and every game, and I won that pool. Making this, one sad tournament.

POLITICS:
Ross P, from Texarkana, TX wonders, "Who is your horse for United States President? It seems that some of your fellow bloggers have started backing people, but nothing from you yet. Who do ya like?

Well, this could be one of the tightest primary races in recent memory. There's a lot of parity now in the world of politics and seeing as Barack Obama has recently upped his campaign monies to compete against Hillary, there's no telling what could happen. I mean you've got someone looking to become the first Afro-American president and someone looking to become the first female president. My one problem with Obama is his name. Now it seems cool, but isn't it a bit too close to Osama? When it comes down to the actual election, I will more than likely vote for Ralph Nader. Just kidding. I'll probably, be backing whichever Democrat makes it to the show. As for the primaries, I'm still undecided. But while we're on the subject of the election, I just want to get something off my chest. I'm tired of people saying more people vote on American Idol than for President of the United States. Okay first of all, you don't have to be eighteen to vote for AI. and B) people can vote more than once, from their computer or phone, no less. The argument is ridiculous! Of course this has to mean it is only a matter of time before you can vote for the Prez on your home computer or via text message. It just seems logical. I mean isn't trekking down to your local elementary school cafeteria to vote getting to be a chore? I mean if they're gonna do that, at least have some nuggets and ice cream scoops of mashed potatoes available, c'mon!

That's it for the mailbag this time, I'll leave you with this:
What does President Bush have in common with the Washington Nationals pitching staff?
Neither seems to be able to get people out. (Get it? Cause Bush can't get our troops out of the Middle East and the Nationals are awful at getting batters out.) Always a good joke, when you have to explain it. I guess when the Saints drafted Reggie Bush, and we said, "Finally a Bush that'll try and help New Orleans." was a bit better. You've been a wonderful audience, goodnight and godspeed!

WE'RE FAMOUS.....SORT OF

That's right folks, "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch" has hit the big time! Well, kind of I guess. We've officially been on a television show! It apparently airs in the District of Columbia. The show is called "the Blog Show", and it is part of Washington Post Live! We felt it was only fair to mention them on "Bitterness", since they were kind enough to mention us on Comcast cable in the nation's capitol or capital, I'm never sure which? Anyways, moving along, "the Blog Show" is hosted by Dan Steinberg of the Washington Post and Jamie Mottram of AOL Sports. Now, while we've never heard of either of them, we have heard of the Washington Post and AOL, and that's good enough for us! So here it is, our 41 seconds of fame:



All we can say is any show that has "Bitterness" and Kyle Sackrider, is A-OK in our book!

WINING IN BOSTON

All three victuals are being used to raise money for each player's respective charity of choice.
Now while we have yet had the chance to partake of these spirits, we can still give you a preview.

The Schilling Schardonnay is no doubt robust, pompous and is a bit aged. It has a bitter aftertaste that lingers on for quite some time. After drinking mass quantities, you will find an air of superiority around yourself and will proceed to voice your opinions on everything from politics to blogging, regardless of whether or not they are being asked for or listened to.

The Manny Being Merlot is a more casual beverage. It packs a wallop, and gives off a dizzying effect. Will make the drinker lose focus and become lacksadaisacal. After drinking it you may have trouble with depth pereption and judgement.

The Caber Knuckle is a very well-respected blend, that can be hard to predict. A good batch can be scintillating and knock you on your behind, while other times it can have very little effect. Overall it's a solid drink.

Stay tuned for other Sawx to join in the fun as well, perhaps a Papi Grigio, or Cabernet Papelbon? We'll keep a lookout.