Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Well the NFL Draft has come and gone, and now you're left wondering which picks will pan out, who will flop , and who the pleasant little surprises will be. But luckily for you, the staff at "Bitterness" has been working around the clock, looking over names and numbers of every single draft pick. We've created bar graphs, line graphs, and pie charts, so you, our beloved readers, won't have to wait for these guys to even play a game to find out what will happen.

BRADY QUINN-MEDICINE WOMAN, CELEVELAND- We're just playing the odds here. I mean, the Browns? They haven't exactly been a great judge of talent. Their first round picks over the years list like a who's who of draft busts. But with two first round picks, the odds are only one will be bad. Cause they've improved over the last couple years, sure, but let's face it, they're due. Plus, they're quarterback judgement has never been, well, good. I mean, time's gonna tell on Charlie Frye and Spergon Wynn, sure, but does the name Tim Couch ring a bell? Eric Zeier? The last QB the Brownies drafted that did anything? Take your time. Actually, we've only researched back to 1982, so we'll get back to you. This could also be because so many people want Quinn to be a bust, that we can will it with our minds.

- We like that Arizona went out to beef up that offensive line with this top pick, but there's something that tells us he just won't pan out. Oh, yeah, playing in Arizona. Now usually the first couple tackles taken in the draft pan out, but not this year. Cardinals should've tried to trade up for Joe Thomas or down for Joe Staley. Joe is a solid blocking name, whereas, Levi? Biblical, yes, but that not withstanding, we feel "button fly" won't do much in the NFL. HE could very well be the next Blake Brockermeyer.

LEON "KIDS IN THE" HALL or LEON-ME HALL, CINCINNATI- Playing in Cincy, he'll probably be in jail before he makes his first career interception, but if he escapes those odds, will still be very overrated. There were a few comparisons to Ty Law, but we don't see it. The only similarity we see is that they both played DB for Michigan. Sorry Benglas fans, but he join the likes of Keiwann Ratliff and Jonathan Joseph, the last two corners drafted by the Bengals in fighting for time on the nickel and dime packages.

- Just call it a hunch, but we think Teddy-bear will be a huge flop and a terrible pick by the Dolphins. I know they want to replace Wes Welker, but they already have Az-Zahir Akim and P.K. Sam. I mean, really, how's he even gonna get playing time? We see a career that'll last because of returning skills, but that's all, hardly worth a first round pick. If anything he's the next Tamarick Vanover. But on the plus side, once his career goes south (even more south than Miami) he can look forward to teaming up with O.J. Simpson on some VH-1 show called "Ginn and Juice". The details of the show, are still up in the air. Tamarick Vanover is still waiting for the right vehicle to get him back into the mainstream.

The surprises, are gonna be those guys from the fifth through seventh round who will be impact players. You know your Curtis Martins, Tom Bradys, Terrell Davis' and yes, Marques Colstons. So here ya go:

- The defensive back out of Albany has a huge upside, we guess. He should become a household name in 2-3 years, you watch, cause he's Dane-gerous!

LB-JUSTIN ROGERS, NEW ENGLAND- Bill Belichik is a tremendous judge of talent, so we think theis Southern Methodist will make a big impact for the Pats. We predict he'll bein the Pro Bowl in three years.

WR-JORDAN KENT, SEATTLE- Now we know the last wide receiver named Kent, didn't pan out so well, but, he will be know Joey, believe you me. We feel that once they see his skills they'll feel free to jettison a high-priced receiver like Deion Branch, to pave the way for this former Oregon Duck.

WR-JOHNATHAN HOLLAND's OPUS, OAKLAND- One pick away from being Mr. Irrelevant, Holland is, in the literal sense, this year's Marques Colston. But the comparisons won't stop there, as he and J-Russ will quickly bond in camp and will soon become the next Kitna to Galloway. In fact after Holland bursts on to the scene, the second to last pick in the draft will be as coveted as the first pick!

WR-STEVE BREASTON, ARIZONA- Breaston will be added to what will soon be the best wide receiving corps in all the land. This was a fifth round steal for the Cardinals! We had Breaston as like late third, early fourth round in our heads, but he dropped and now the Cards will reap all the benefits.

ILB-H.B. BLADES, WASHINGTONB-H- H.B. is soon gonna stand for Hitting Bastard, as he bursts onto the Washington football scene! Blades will slice through offenses and be a hitting machine! So lookout!

QB- JORDAN PALMER, WASHINGTON- A good draft by the 'Skins as they have another good find. There's always a QB in the late rounds who is destined for greatness. Plus as Carson's younger brother, he looks just like him, which could confuse some defenses. Plus he attended UTEP, which means he knows the UTEP-Three-Step drop. The sky's the limit for J-Palm!

- With "Cadillac" Williams being downgraded to a Pinto after last year, and the quarterback situation super murky, Darby has his chance to take the NFL by storm! And there's no doubt in our minds, that he will.

Well there ya have it, who's gonna be a bust as well as a few surprises. And just to prove we know what we're talking about...we're the ones that predicted Sylvester Morris would be the next Herman Moore, that John Offerdahl was a sure fire Hall of Famer and that Leeland McElroy would break all sorts of rushing records. So there!

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