Thursday, January 10, 2008

WHA-WHA-WHAAAAAT?!

I know, I know. Here we are almost two weeks into 2008 and you've had no "Bitterness" in your lives. In fact it's been a little over a month since you've heard anything from us whatsoever. It was as if we just plain disappeared off the face of the earth without any sort of warning. Leaving you without several weeks of NFL picks. This may have made you sad, mad, glad, frustrated and or confused. In fact, there could be any number of other emotions this could have stirred up inside you, but I do not portend to know what exactly this sudden absence may have stirred up inside you? Nor do I portend to know the exact meaning of the word portend. But that's neither here nor there. In any event, you deserve an apology and explanation. We do apologize for the inconvenience of having to rely on Peter King's wit to guide you through the last few weeks of the NFL season, and while we can't promise anything, we will certainly make a concerted effort to not let this happen again. Okay, now that the apology is taken care of, let's give you the exact reason for our unannounced hiatus. You see "Bitterness" has moved! Now, I know what you may be thinking, "Moved? This is still the same web address I've grown to know and love, what is he babbling about?" Well, here's what I'm babbling about. We've moved the "Bitterness" World Headquarters, from Syracuse to Boston. And as we have been moving into the new "Bitterness" offices, we have had a lot going on and have, unfortunately, had very little time, or energy to give you the goods you need. So, now that that is out of the way, let's get down to business. Here's a little preview of what's to come in January:

-- Playoff picks
-- Souper Bowl II
-- The return of the mailbag and roundoffs
-- 2007 Year in Review
-- Resolutions
-- Shameless plugs
-- More shirtless Guttenburg
-- 37% more word play
-- and all the cheese you can munster, er muster.

and now your divisional playoff picks:

SEAHAWKS @ PACKERS: The Hawks sure gave the Skins what for last week. Eventually anyways. The only way the Hawks win this one is if Shaun Alexander runs wild, and we predict this won't happen. Which means more passing into a very good Packers secondary. Which means tough luck for Seattle. Combine that with the fact that you got an aging gunslinger across the way and it's time to cue the fat lady. Packers 28-13.

JAGUARS @ PATRIOTS: You gotta love the Jaguars overall feisty-ness, but this ain't the 'Burgh and Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes are no Randy Moss and Wes Welker. But, the Jags have a staunch defensive unit and if you know me, "staunch" is not a word I just throw around freely, so this means something. If the weather gets nasty the Jags have a better chance, than if it's a clear night at the Razor. I'm not saying they'll win, but they could at least cover the spread. I mean the Patriots are far more talented as a whole, plus if they're in trouble, Beli-cheat will just turn out the lights, ala Ted C. McGinley in Major League: Back to the Minors, or something. Patriots 21-17.

CHARGERS @ COLTS: Are the Chargers truly back running on all cylinders? I think not, but the Colts barely have one receiver eligible to play, so who knows what to think? Although, the Colts have been short handed in the receiving corps for some time now and so far they've gone out and managed, without the luxury of playing the AFC West. But then again, the Chargers figured out how to beat the Colts once already this season. But in crunch time, in the raucous RCA Dome, I'm taking Peyton and the Colts 28-24.

GIANTS @ COWBOYS: Ideally there would be no winner in this one, but in reality there's a good chance one of these teams will win this game. And no, that's not by prediction. I'm going out on a limb and making the G-Men my first upset special of '08! That's right, it's not a typo! I just gotta hunch that the G-men are ready to do some things. Watch as Tony Romo gets hurt early after being in the wrong place at the wrong time for a Michael Strahan jump shot celebration. Brad Johnson proceeds to trip on is shoelaces coming into the game and goes down, meaning Jason Garrett has to suit up. Giants take the lead and proceed to revoke Eli's decision-making privileges. Game. Set. Match. Giants 17-13.

And now for your playoff cheese:

3 comments:

  1. I'VE GOT A FEVER! AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MORE WORD PLAY!

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  2. pretty close on the giants v. cowboys prediction. you better believe the toast was going nuts for that game. and you heard it here first, terribly excited about the 37% more word play. all of it higher indeed!!!

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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