Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you.

I hate to say I told you so, but the Eagles and Patriots are in the Super Bowl, so I told you so! Oh sure, you might say, gee way to go out on a limb and pick the favorites. Well that's why they were favored, duh! Anyways, I had the pleasure of watching both Championship Games at Billy's with the Rage KJ and Toastie. And on this fateful Sunday it so happened that I drank the beer and the beer drank me. Allow me to elaborate. At halftime of the Eagles-Falcons game, Toastie and I headed to the local market, the local super-market, for some snacks and such. I said it then, and I'll say it again, "It's not a good idea to go to the supermarket drunk and hungry." With the only real things on our mental shopping list being a big bag of Peanut M&Ms and French Onion Dip (not to be combined together.) we were in trouble. It did not take long for Toastie and I to pick up the first thing, cookies. They were the bakery cookies (Chocolate Chip and M&M) and they were in plastic containers, 2 for $5, how could we go wrong, well, ask Bill, he'll tell ya. As we wandered aimlessly through the store trying to find the god forsaken candy aisle (which by the way is an odd name for an aisle in a store, I thought) we proceeded to Mc-Nabb (fancy play) the essentials: Snyder's Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces, Cheddar and Sour Cream Potato Chips, Wavy Lays, a block of Cheese, Cheddar Triscuits, Townhouse Crackers, another kind of cracker, that may or may not have been Ritz, Snack Packs (which I left at Bill's, dang-it!), the French Onion Dip, of course, can't forget the M&Ms, and obviously the 2-foot long pepperoni stick (which Toastie sliced up beautifully, by the way.). Thirty-five dollars well spent, I say. That is until the next day when all these things really take effect. Anyway, we eat, drink beers, watch the Eagles game and break out a little 80s Trivia Game, which came to the Shannon-Russell house via the wonder that is Christmas! At this point everything's going along swimmingly. Then:

It seems that at some point between the last quarter of the Eagles game and the second quarter of the Patriots game I blew a gasket or something. There was some sort of brain malfunction, causing me to, for the rest of the evening, have no real idea what I was saying, at all. I think some of the beer may have hit my wire of reason and sensibility. This is a very important wire as it is what tries and keeps the BOW (Bitterness O' Willie) in check. So, believe me it works overtime. But on this night, it just shut down completely and it was like I had some sort of terets, RAT FARTS!, or something. Now, sure I'm bitter and to be honest, the alcoholism helps, but usually I have some reason (in my head anyways) for being bitter. The Eagles won, the Patriots were en route to their third Super Bowl in 4 years and I had beer and many cheese-flavored items, including the cheese-flavored "CHEEEEEEESE!" I should have been on Cloud 10! That's right even higher than Cloud 9. And as I told Bill yesterday, after apologizing of course, I got home and literally asked myself, "What the F**K was I talking about?!!!" You can also tell that this BOW explosion was unwarranted and over the top because I apologized for it!! I never do that because most of the time I think I'm in the right and making valid arguments (which actually happens maybe 30-35% of the time. that I'm right, that is.). But this time, I have no clue what happened.

So, that is how I spent my Sunday and I would once again like to apologize to Rage KJ, Billy-ball, The Toastmaster General (because he's not only the Toastmaster, but also a general), Madison, Charlie, Niner, the delicious Snack Packs whom I ignored and abandoned, my innards (which felt it the next day), my family, the City of Pittsburgh and God.

And Congratulations to the Eagles and the Patriots!!!


  1. Don't worry - the Snack Paks will be waiting for you Super Bowl Sunday.

  2. I thought I was your snack pack??? That was some good pepperoni though. mmm, cheese and pepperoni, drool....

  3. Personally, I would rather have been there for the BOW than for the apology. Because we all know in about 5 months, once the psychological damage you inflicted on the other guests subsides, and I return to Syracuse, all anyone at the COP will be doing is quoting you great moments from this tirade. And I, as always these days, will be out of the loop.

    Anyway, all I am saying is that Colorado and Detroit are basically the same team.


    Oh, and by the way, not all drunken trips to the supermarket end poorly. Witness the night I came home with a 12 5 pound rabbitt and some marinade.