Friday, January 21, 2005

Wrecked 'em! Damn near killed 'em!!


That's right Jim Mora it's the NFL Playoffs, where your son will be coaching the Atlanta Falcons in Philadelphia! This week we find out who will go to the Super Bowl in Jacksonville. I'd like to take a quick moment to express my disappointment in the choice of Super Bowl city. I mean Jacksonville, really? I still think they should put Super Bowls out of doors in cold weather cities. Oh know it's too cold for the fans and entertainers. Oh, boo-hoo!! Suck it up, that's how football is supposed to be played!

Speaking of cold weather, that brings me to the AFC and NFC Championship Games on Sunday. I, for one, cannot wait! Both games are in outdoors, in cold weather climates, with slight chances of snow. Oh it's so glorious!!! I'll be so drunk and belligerent by the time the AFC game rolls around, it'll be great! So here's some notes on Championship Weekend:

This may or may not be the first time both Championship games have been in Pennsylvannia. And it may or may not be the first time they've been played in the same state. True statements.

The Patriots have never lost an AFC Championship game. (They did lose an AFL Championship game though)
Bill Belichik is 7-0 in the playoffs with the Patriots.

Mark my words, there will be an African-American quarterback in the Super Bowl!

How dominant would the Panthers have been if they had Rae Carruth?

The team with more points usually wins.

Now my predictions:
To pick the winners you just need to break it down scientifically by the cities:
Philly vs. Atlanta
Beer of choice: Yuengling-America's oldest Brewery vs. I dunno, moonshine run across the border by dem crazy Duke boys? Advantage: Eagles, by a hair.

Food: Philly Cheesesteaks vs. Grits??? Advantage: Eagles

Nicknames: The City of Brotherly Love (yeah right! they booed Santa for Pete's sake!) vs. Hotlanta. Advantage: Falcons

QBs commercials: Chunky Soup w/ Ms. McNabb vs. Nike and The Micheal Vick experience
Advantage: Push

So it's clear to see why the Eagles will win this game 23-10

Pittsburgh vs. New England
Beer: Iron City Beer vs. Samuel Adams. Advantage: Too close to call.

Foods: Heinz pickles, ketchups and other condiments on a Roethils-burger vs. New England Clam Chowdah! Advantage: Patriots (only because I've never had a Roethilsberger)

Stadium Name: Heinz Field (named for delicious condiments) vs. Gillette Stadium (named for the razor company who's World Headquarters are located in Massachusetts) Advantage: Steelers

Team Colors: Black and Yellow vs. Red, White and Blue. Advantage: Patriots

Super Bowl wins this century: Steelers-0, Patriots-2, Advantage: Patriots

So as you can see the Patriots will win this game 27-21.

Enjoy the games and remember these picks were made absolutely, positively, impartially!
Have a good weekend. So have a Bruschi at your favorite watering hole or at home and warm up with some Chunky Soup or New England Clam Chowder and enjoy the games!

Go Patriots and Eagles!!!
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away!


  1. I have an opinion!

    Philadelphia is the singularly most evil city I've ever been to. Do you remember in "Ghostbusters II" (of course you don't) when there was a river of ooze that made everybody hate each other? I think that river flows through the city and maybe across the entire Delaware Valley.

    I think that Terrell Davis's mom was the best Chunky Soup mom, although as far as "real" moms go, Donovan's is tizzight as fizzuck.

    Did the Duke Boys really live in Georgia? I swear if you had a trivia question asking "Where were the Duke Boys from?" I would have no idea. And are we talking about Bo and Luke or their out-of-towner cousins Vance and Coy? That's a trick question, Trivia lady!

    Have you ever had grits? They're pretty good. They're not as good as cheesesteaks, true, but they're not too bad. Unless they're instant grits. No self-respecting southerner would ever use instant grits.

    Don't you think it's cool that all the major sports teams in Pittsburgh have the colors Black and Yellow? (Or "Black and Gold" if you prefer.) Did you know the Penguins used to be Blue and Yellow but changed their colors to fit in with the Steelers and Pirates? It's true!

    Team with the most points wins? Hmmm. That's good advice. I'm holding you to those scores!

  2. Bill you are a delightful man but also an incorrect one; Ghostbusters II took place in NYC. Will, its been a while, I miss the blog's scent, I miss its musk!