SATURDAY NIGHT'S MAIN EVENT

One of the things that may have, been lost, forgotten, whatever, from the March Madness weekend in the Electric City was something we happened upon on Saturday night. Now if you've read the title, you already know. That's right kids, it was the return of the Saturday Night Main Event! Now some may not remember, but this was wrestling, or rasslin', on NBC, in primetime, in lieu of Saturday Night Live. This was back from a time when the it was more about pretend wrestling and less about storylines. Now, I don't watch the World Wrestling and Entertainment or whatever WWE stands for. but, back in the day I would watch my fair share of Wrestling Superstars and Wrestling Challenge, the weekend WWF (why did it take the World Wildlife Federation not make them change the initials sooner?) shows that had an hour, featuring many bouts between a marquee name like Hillbilly Jim and some scrub, who you knew would lose because his name was,well, just his name, like Tom Weaver. But it would also give highlights of previous events, and previews of upcoming events. More oft, than not, the preview of upcoming matches would feature a a big name guy like Tito Santana against a green screen that would have his name or logo behind him, as he spouted out insults towards his upcoming foe. But, I digress, back to the Main Event.

It would air, as mentioned, in lieu of SNL from time-to-time. Now the one SNME that always sticks out in my mind is when the MegaPowers disbanded. For those who, well, had a life, the Mega Powers were quite possibly the greatest tag team in WWF history. It was the "Macho Man" Randy Savage and the Hulk Hogan. They were not tag team partners for long, though. On one fateful Saturday against Big Boss Man and Akeem (The Twin Towers), Hogan had rushed to the aid of an injured Elizabeth (Savage's main squeeze) and left the "Macho Man" alone. Hogan returned only to be hit in the face by "Macho Man" and was then left to finish off the Twin Towers by himself, which he did. After the match in the backroom, Savage and Hogan exchanged words. Savage basically thinking he was making a move on his girl. This played along to real life where Savage suspected Hogan of sleeping with Elizabeth. They split and created a great feud, which eventually brought about the likes of Zeus (aka "Tiny don't call me Alton " Lister), who would "star" with Hogan in the critically acclaimed film No Holds Barred. Is this starting to bring back memories? Well it case it hasn't, here at "Bitterness" we have decided to bring back the REAL SNME, in blog format, of course. Oh and with no regard to year or what have you. And now:

THE BLUE BLAZER vs. THE RED ROOSTER, TERRY TAYLOR
It's the "cock and the walk baby! Terry Taylor against the man in the blue mask ( it's really Owen Hart, shhh). This one is an epic struggle between two talented titans, squaring off in the, er, square circle. The Red Rooster takes the early edge and begins to take control, but the tactical maneuvering of the Blue Blazer is just too darn much after a missed elbow drop by the Rooster. A clothesline by the Blazer! Double B picks up his cocky oppponent and throws him against the ropes and drops him again with his missile dropkick. And he's calling for, OH NO, it's the, he's going for the...YES it's the reverse piledriver! Both combatants are a bit groggy, but the Blazer crawls over for the cover...1-2-3! The winner of this bout is... THE BLUUUUUEEE BLAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZER!

THE ROCKERS (SHAWN MICHEALS AND MARTY JANNETY) vs. THE HART FOUNDATION (BRET "THE HITMAN" HART AND JIM "THE ANVIL NEIDHART")

The high-flyin Rockers will reallt try and run the Hart Foundation around in circles. It'll be the "Anvil" and Jannetty to start and the "Anvil" takes quick control in this one, tossing Jannetty off the ropes, misses with the clothesline, and Jannetty airborn, CAUGHT! by the Anvil and he carries him over to the corner, where he tags in "The Hitman"! They shoot Jannetty off the ropes and they suplex him! The Hart Foundation in control of this one, early! "The Hitman" having his way with Jannetty. And Jannetty off the ropes and lans a drop kick! He can't quite get over to make the tag!! Hart, doesn't seem to know where he is, Jannetty over, MAKES THE TAG (crowd erupts)! He gets to Hart and uses his high-flying tactics and has him on the ropes, when "The Anvil" pulls the ropes and Michaels is out of the ring! The Hart Foundation pulls him back into the ring. "Anvil" with the body slam and now, OH NO! it's time for the Sharpshooter! "Anvil" goes over and drops Jannetty to the floor, as Bret finishes off Michaels. Finally, Michaels submits and winner isssssss thhhhhhhheeeeeee HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART FOUNNNDDATIIIIIOOOOON!!

"RAVISHING" RICK RUDE vs. THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR
Rude was doing his little shimmy in the ring when the theme music for the Warrior comes over the PA and storming down the aisle comes the Warrior, as Rude scurries out of the ring. The Warrior shakes the ropes and his pumped up, on god knows what, for this one! The Warrior dominating the match when Bobby "The Brain" Heenan gets up on the rop and distracts the Warrior. And, OH NO, Rude clocks him with an open fist punch to the face. Rude takes control. "The Brain" is back up on the ropes and the ref is distracted and Rude is pulling something out of his shorts and he CLOCKS the Warrior over the head, Rude to cover, the ref turns around, 1-2- AND THE WARRIOR KICKS OUT! Rude picks him fires him against the ropes and looks for the suplex, but the warrior blocks it and suplexes the ravishing one! He is bouncing off the ropes and drops and elbo and now he's going for the slam! He's got Rude UP! annnnnnnd DOWN! He goes for the pin and 1-2-3! And the winner of the match

THHHHHEEEE ULTIMAAAAAAAAAAAATE WAAAAARRRRRRRRRIOR! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

STEEL CAGE MATCH: HULK HOGAN vs. "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE

This one is a doozy! The "Macho Man" somehow gains the edge and climbs the side of the cage, but instead of going over for the victory, he goes for his patented elbow drop from atop the cage! BUT NO! Hogan rolls away and both men are down! Hogan up first, off the ropes and lands the leg drop! He begins to climb and the cage! Savage comes to and grabs Hogan and pulls him down! They exchange punches and lock up! Hogan sends Savage off the rope, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! Both men are stunned! They slowly come to and begin to climb oppposite ends of the cage. They're climbing down the other side, it's gonna be close! It looks like.........HOGAN!! TOUCHES FIRST! And he is your winnner!

The winner of the Saturday Night's Main Even is the one, THE only, HUUUUUUUUULK HOOOOOOOOOOOOOGAAAAAAAAAAN!!

Thanks folks, tune in next time,

Good Night!

NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH! NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH...

HEY, HEY, HEY!.....GOOOOOOOD BYE!!!!





































NOW WHO'S THE "BIG BABY?"

Alum-inating II

Well I know you've been eagerly awaiting for the products of the other 8 schools in the Sweet Sixteen. So here it is, the almumnists of Wichita State, George Mason, Connecticut, Washington, Villanova, Boston College, Florida and Georgetown.

The D.C. Region:
Will start with the Wichita State Shockers. I'll start first with some sports realted alumni. Well first off the "Big Tuna" himself, Bill Parcells, is a Shocker alum. It has also produced some NBA studs like Antoine Carr, Cliff Levingston and of course the greatest of them all, the X-Man, Xavier McDaniel. Known for his deadly turn around jumper, the X-Man had a solid career and with his skills slowly declining he would head to my squad, the Celtics. He finally retired in 1998 and currently sits by the phone awaiting his call from Springfield. But alas, the one of the greater contributions to our society came form two other Shockers. Dan and Frank Carney co-founded Pizza Hut, which has revolutionized the whole pizza industry with the likes of stuffed crust, popables and of course the P'Zone. They truly are innovators.

At George Mason, they had a young Karl Rove roaming the campus. Rove of course is President Bush's senior advisor and is often referred to as "Bush's Brain", which is not something I'd exactly be throwing on a resume. They also produced CSI's Archie Kao and Weather Channel President Debora J. Wilson. Where would we, as a nation, be without an all weather network and constant storm tracking? Honestly. Tell me, I wanna know.

Out in Washington they have produced some interesting characters. You already heard about Speaker of the House Tom Foley, but did you know the king of elevator music Kenny G., and current Family Feud host Richard Karn were also Huskies? Or how about the developer of Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee? That's right, star of Enter the Dragon, Lee studied philosphy at Washington. Famed children's author Beverly Cleary also attended the University of Washington. Perhaps this where she started developing ideas for Mouse and the Motorcycle and the brilliant Ramona Quimby series. And last but certainly not least is one this country's greatest thespians, Patrick Duffy. Star of Dallas and Step by Step, Duffy was a true performer, only out to give the gift of entertainment to others.

Over in Storrs, they can boast about educating the son of Ted Kennedy. He received a Juris Doctor Degree, whatever that is. Now he's not an alum, but Sam Pickering, the inspiration for Robin Williams character in Dead Poets Society, has taught at UCONN for quite a few years. At least that's something. Sorry there was not a lot of non-athletic UCONN alumnists.

Minneapolis Region:
We'll start this region with Georgetown. Now this esteemed institution has developed many a politician and lawyer including four Supreme Court Justices and former President of the United States William Jefferson Clinton. The most fascinating former Hoya I came across was none other than Mitchell Hurwitz, writer and creator of the best show on television, Arrested Development. HAZAH! Hurwitz also contributed to the John Laroquette show and Golden Girls.

Which leads us nicely into Boston College alum, David R. Anderson, who is the President of St. Olaf College. You may remember, that Rose on the Golden Girls was from none other than St. Olaf, Minnesota. Another fun tourney tie-in from a BC alum, is Charles William Lyons. He was the former president of not only Boston College, but Gonzaga and Georgetown as well. He tops Tom Foley, by being connected to three Sweet Sixteen teams! Other of note from the school on Chestnut Hill, include Mr. Spock, Leonard Nimoy and famed beetnik, Jack Kerouac.

Villanova was not exactly abounding with stellar alums that aren't or haven't played pro basketball, like Kerry Kittles or Ed Pickney. But the singer-songwriter Jim Croce, not to be confused with 76ers exec, Pat Croce, attended Villanova. Croce is known for such songs as "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" and "You Don't Mess Around with Jim". Both classics.

The final piece of the puzzle is the University of Florida. This is a dandy. Famous Gators include Buddy Ebsen, aka Jed Clampett, Stephen Root, most known for his roles in NewsRadio and Office Space, and Mr. Fix-it himself, Bob Vila. But the best alum, no it's not Gatorade, but Melinda Lou Thomas. Stumped? Well I'm sure her nickname will help. She is better known as "Wendy". Yes, THE Wendy! She is Dave Thomas' daughter for whom the fast-food chain Wendy's was named. Now that's good stuff.


Well there you have it! A look at what kind of people the final sixteen schools can produce. Hope you had enjoyed. This blog was sponsored by Diet Mr. Pibb.

Alum-inating!

The NCAA Tournament has certainly, in this bloggers mind anyways, lived up to its billing as the greatest sports postseason around. We started with sixty-four teams and whiddled er down to 16. But how much do you really know about the schools left in the Big Dance? Well we here at "Bitterness" thought we'd dig down deep and look at what kind of people these schools produce. And not just the "student-athletes", but the alumns you may not know about. Let us begin with the Oakland Region:

Now Memphis and Bradley did not quite produce a lot big names. Memphis has of course had the hoops stars like Blue Chipper Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway and wide receiver Isaac Bruce, but did you know it also produced Designing Woman Dixie Carter? And of course we all know she played Maggie on Diff'rent Strokes, marrying Mr. Drummond and bringing in her son, Sam, played by Danny Cooksey who would later become Budnik on Salute Your Shorts. Just to think that great chain of events all started at Memphis State University, which of course is now just Memphis University.

As for the Bradley University, well they may have just lostb thier most famous alum. That's right, the boisterous and playful Kirby Puckett was a Bradley alum. Unfortunately Kirby will not be able to revel in the Braves success, which is weird becuse he once dominated the Atlanta Braves in the World Series, but I'm sure he's watching over them and this season is surely dedicated to his memory. Another Bradley alum is Neil Flynn. You may know him better as the janitor on Scrubs. Trust me this will only get better.

Now Gonzaga gave us one of the famous crooners of all time, Bing Crosby, not to be confused with Bill Cosby or Bubba Crosby. Crosby probably best known for beating his children and of course tap dancing with Danny "Effin" Kaye. GU also gave us 2004 National League Rookie of the Year Jason Bay and Tom Foley. Not the Tom Foley who was a utility infielder in the 80s primarily for the Montreal Expos, but the Speaker of the House. An interesting note here is that Foley actually attended Washington after he finished at Gonzaga, making him the only notable alum of two Sweet Sixteen schools.

Now UCLA, has produced many an actor/actress including the likes of Saved by the Bell's own Jessie Spano, Elizabeth Berkley and The Wonder Years Winnie "Super" Cooper, Danica McKellar and 'Nuke" Laloosh, Tim Robbins. It also gave us the great composer John Williams. Williams, is responsible for a plethora of film scores including the Star Wars movies, Superman and ET. It also gave us Tom Anderson, creator of MySpace.

Now let's get to the Atlanta Region:
We'll start with the Mountaineers of West Virginia. Much like Bradley, the Mountaineers just recently lost their most famous non-athletic alum, the incomparable Don Knotts. I mean talk about a man who could rock a leisure suit. Knotts who entertained us to know end as Deputy Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show, and the twitchy landlord Ralph Furley on Three's Company, to name a couple, gives the Mountaineers some added motivation in this tournamant. In fact I'm pretty sure Kevin Pittsnogle is part of the Three's Company fan club. Moving on..

The University of Texas has given us some great alums, among them Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson, as well as many a professional athlete. But did you know David Geffen was a Longhorn? Geffen, the gay, Jewish-American, record executive, once rumored to have married Keanu Reeves, did not stick around long enough to graduate, but was still under the burnt orange horns at one point.

That brings us to the Tigers of LSU. LSU produced the Ragin' Cajun himself, Mr. James Carville, political strategist, most notably in 1992 for Bill Clinton. Or perhaps you might remember him from the debate scene in Old School. Another prominent Tiger was Hubert H. Humphrey. Yes, that is correct, the man for whom the Metrodome is named. Triple H was also the 38th Vice President and once served as the majority whip, which means if someone didn't vote his way he'd whip 'em and say, "you'd better vote my way!"

Last and certainly least is of course the Dukies. Duke Universitie has given us the journalist Charlie Rose as well as Monty Sarhan, the publisher and CEO of Cracked magazine. Cracked is of course known as the poor man's MAD magazine. Of course a Dukie would be behind a second rate knockoff magazine. Another Devil, er Blue Devil is Sean McManus, the President of CBS Sports. So whenever you're wondering why the tournament coverage seems to favor Duke, weeeeeeeell. But more than likely the best Dukie ever was none other than Lawrence "Crash" Davis. The namesake for Kevin Costner's character in Bull Durham. Although the real "Crash" did not have the dubious distinction of setting the all-time minor league home run record, but did once lead the minors in doubles. So that is half of the Elite Eight.


Hope you were both entertained and educated. Look for the D.C. and Minneapolis regions coming soon. Let me just say, you may get Shocked at what turns up.

Willy, Willy, Willy Mo!

That's right folks my nicknamesake Willy Mo Pena is now a member of the Olde Towne Team. The BoSawx traded Bronson Arroyo to the Reds for Pena, due the depth they already have in the starting rotation. It's sad to see Bronson go, but he has a better chance of starting in Cincy, which is probably better for this budding star. And of course it also give me more reason to cheer for my nicknamesake. Pena will give the Sawx a much needed outfield bat against left handed pitching. I'm gonna really miss Bronson's killer golden locks, and his killer guitar licks as he heads on down to thee Ohio. Godspeed Bronson, you'll be missed.

LAZY SUNDAY

Well Day Four was not as raucous as the previous three days, but it still had it's moments. TT cooked us up a mean little breakfast spread. Well it wasn't mean, it was actually nice and friendly. Some breakfast sangwiches, cheese and scamby eggs, bacon, homefries and chocolate milk,mmmmmmmm. The rest of the day was mostly a little good 'ol fashioned male bonding in front of the television watching the basketball games. Here are some brief highlights of our lazy sunday:

-Bradley upsets Pitt, but the best part was because Bradley was playing pitt the scoreboard read:
BRAD
PITT
Like the actor. The AC-TOR for crying out loud.

Then Javen hit the exercise bike as Billyball, ECP and myself browsed the interweb for random things, like prevocative pictures of the daughters from Just the Ten of Us (let's just say, go rent Tryst) and the top Rap Feuds of all time.

This day was not as eventful as other days so I would now like to put in a little sumpin', sumpin' in for ECP. A little something I like to call:
FEELINGS:

As the weekend wound down, I felt it was time to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror. What direction was my life headed in? Was it time to take an emotional inventory, if you would? Sometimes I feel everyone just sees me as the joker, the loser, the MAGICIAN! But I hurt. If you prick me do I not bleed? Sure I like to play the part of the clown, everyone's little court jester. But sometimes feel like I've been kicked right in the Charlie Browns. But I just put on the old clown makeup, and hop out of the VW Bug and spray people with Seltzer water, giving the show everyone expects. I do it and I wonder what would happen if I were to just let the emotions flow? Without the song and dance would people still come to the show? I just don't know. I just don't know.

This has been Feelings a special segment for Paul.

Look for these past four blogs to contain pictures sometime tomorrow.

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT INAPPROPRIATE!

DAY THREE:
Well folks, I'm not gonna lie I feel like about 8 dollars. And since I'm about 84% today, you only get 84% of this blog. What does that even mean? I don't know. But yesterday was the best day ever! And the worse. And now day three in poem form:

We woke about a eleven
Get outta bed around noon
Off to burrito heaven
It was Bombers for some food

Beers, burritos, tacos
And some low lights to set the mood
Tucker was up for some chili
To wit we resounded with a big fat, "NO"!

We ate, drank, laughed
and soon were out the door
The Brew Crew was up next
For a big old beer score

Aisles and aisles of beer
For us to procure
We mixed and matched
And were done with the beer store

A quick car ride
and we were back at the pad
I had an Eye of the Hawk
and it weren't to bad

Some of the fellas took to a nap
I watched basketball
Spilling beer in my lap
and knew we were in for the long haul

Dunford brought us some chicken
from Popeye's of course
I was feeling awful
and revelled in Tennessee getting Shocked

It took us a bit
to find our second wind
but some coffee had
ECP and the gang goin all in

The Night Sky Cafe
allowed us to gather our slots
Intellectual convrsation
Or at least as intellectual as we get

We headed out to the inn
for some beers and good times
We watched UCLA winn
As I was ready to die

Next we took ours
and headed to "Yours"
A little known stop
On the Electric City tours

Dumplings, chicken
A few cross-dressers in store
The High Life we were drinkin
And livin for sure

We still had life in us
Much to our surprise
The Van Dyck it was
This plan seemed so wise

But alas it was closed
No Van Dyck for us
The Grog we supposed
The next stop for this bus.

I split a burger with Javen
Containing bacon and cheese
We were in a burger haven
I asked for some of the pickle, please

Back to the crib
for some Arrested Development and beer
But after one sip
Our slumber was near

Another day in the books
A bit closer to death
One more day to go
And we put the great experiment to rest

Bloggin, Touchin, Wheezin

DAY TWO:

Well, day two was a big old blur of basketball, beer, karaoke and middled-aged women. I was up at the crack of 10am. After putting Friday's blog to bed it was time to shower and get the game face on. After all it was St. Patrick's Day, St. Patrick's Day for crying out loud! We would need food and beverage ASAP, or at least as soon as we could all shower, change and get our lazy backsides off the couch. We headed out to Pinhead Susan's for lunch and some good 'ol fashioned revelrie. We had to wait about 15-20 minutes for a table, so we had some spirits at the bar and watched some basketball as we waited for our table. Now there are only three tvs in the joint, and as they slowly sat parties of two at four-person tables in front of the big tv, we got ansy. When we finally got seated, it was in a back corner, which is usually where they try and hide the likes of us. I had no view of any tv, so I would focus on the menu of Irish delicacies. Yes I said Irish and delicacies in the same sentence. We got some Irish fries (sweet potato fries, for those not in the know) for the table as Tucker worked his charm on our waitress. Javen and I split some fish and chips and the Pinhead melt (that's cornbeef and melted swiss) and it was gloooorious! We headed back to Javen's to catch the end of the first set of games, but not without first stopping off at the local Stewart's Shoppe for some ice cream. They were giving away free cones if you had green on. I went with the Peanut Butter Pandemonium, which was a wooooonderful fusion of vanilla ice cream, peanut butter sauce, fudge and peanut butter cups. It was so good I may go back and pay for one!! We for filled to the brim and just wanted to lie down.

We relaxed and took in the games before we would head to the Van Dyck for Happy Hour. The big highlight of the early games...Iowa losing to 14 seeded Northwestern State, while Villanov-Monmouth almost put us to sleep. Monmouth didn't score a field goal in like the first ten minutes but, amazingly was still in the game. At about 4:30 we headed to the Van Dyck for some $1.50-$2.00 beers and some quick grub. They have some pretty good food and beers here. I was in need of drink, after seeing that wearing my Oral Roberts shirt did aid the Eagles in becoming the first 16 seed to win. Okay maybe Memphis is a shade better than I gave them credit for. I drowned my sorrows in four beers and a brisket sandwich. Tucker tossed be a bone...with delicious chicken covered with buffalo sauce on it, suckers. I was now about to explode. Walking was not easy, but somehow I made it back to Javen's apartment. It wasn't easy, there's a fair share of stairs involved. So lay on Javen's floor eagerly awaitng the UAlbany game and the arrival of UA superstud, Mr. Electric City himself, Paul Hoff.

We had green beer and knew that we would soon be joined by Billyball, who was on the thruway racing towards us as we watched. The Danes put forth a valiant effort, leading by as much as double digits in the second half, but alas their would be no upset here. My UAlbany shirt did nothing. For those of you scoring at home, my SU shirt, Oral Roberts shirt and my UAlbany shirt had all failed me, leaving me with just my sweet ass West Virgina tee shirt. We were pretty raucous now as Bill was here, several of the neighbors had now popped in, followed by a busload of thirtysomething women. Hey, I was as confused as you are probably reading this. But it made a tad bit more sense once I saw TT. She had gone out with some lady friends and they had stoppped in for some reason, it was purdy strange. Well the ladies departed, heavy one Dunford, a win-win for all involved. Paul's better half, Becky, and I began creating a buzz about going out to a watering hole of somesort. Several moments later we were off to Slick's for some screamers! That's what you would call a Genny Cream Ale. We had a couple of beers and watched Bradley take down Kansas for yet another stunning upset, knocking out my first Final Four team. But of course I was cheering for the Valley and the upset. Well Slick's was closing up shop, so we headed to one of my personal favs the Grog Shoppe for some burgers and beers.

There was a live band and someone came around with a hat to collect donations to keep the band going. I tossed some Washingtons into the hat and requested Journey. To my dismay, they played Lovin', Touchin, Squeezin. Not a bad song, but you get a request for Journey from drunken idiots you better be playing Don't Stop Believin, am I WRONG! We got Tucker to dance erotically with a middle-aged woman (picture not included, dang it!). After the Grog, some of us were not quite groggy enough. Tucker and Javen went back to snuggle, while Bill, Becky, Paul, Reyn and myself headed to the Thai Bistro for some karaoke. I was quickly thrust into play trying to sing the Sonny part of I Got You Babe, to some strange woman's Cher. I was terrible and did not receive a kind vote from the crowd, but Bill and I would get everyone all riled up with, what is probably the best bar song ever, Sweet Caroline and then headed home to pass out. So to recap:
Things eaten:
Fried Cod, Fries (Irish and French)
Half a Pinhead Melt
Peanut Butter Pandemonium Ice Cream
Peanut Butter Twix
Brisket Sandwich, more fries, cornbread, chicken wings
Cheeseburger, even more fries.
Things drinked, drunken, drank:
Smithwicks, Magic Hat-HI.P.A, #9, and Batch something or other, Sea Dog Bluepaw Wild Blueberry Wheat, IPA, German Altered State, and of course, Genny Cream Ale.

A sad, sad day

For those of you who don't know already, Peter Tomarken and his wife were killed in a plane crash on Monday. Tomarken gave us years of enjoyment as host of the popular 80s game show Press Your Luck. But, alas, poor Peter finally ran into a "Whammy". Tomarken was 63 years young and will be forever immortalized on the Game Show Network. Peter is in better place now where there is only big bucks and absolutely no Whammies.
-------------------------------PETER TOMARKEN 1942-2006---------------------------

R.P. WHY?

It's almost time! The brackets are set and the tourney is only hours away! It is the most wonderful time of the year here at "Bitterness". It's time to try and figure out which top seeds will bottom out and which teams will holding a glass slipper. The great thing about the NCAA tourney is that you could watch every college game, read every college hoops article and this will only hinder you more, trust me I know. This whole week leading up to the opening games everyone has their opinions about who is overrated, who is underrated, as well as the up and downside to every team. So let me give you the Bitterness break down of the Big Dance!

First off I want to know what the point of the RPI is, really? Actually first off I just want to say Billy Packer is an ass. Sure the selection committee makes mistakes, but just because two conferences get the same amount of bids doesn't mean the committee is calling them equal. Packer made this comment about the Valley and the ACC. First off the ACC may be the most overrated conference there is! Secondly the ACC got a #1 seed, #3 seed, a #4 seed and whatever NC State got. The Valley's highest seed? That would be Wichita State, a seven seed. Okay back to this RPI debacle. It seems like an arbitrary number that doesn't have as much meaning as you think. You see in theory, in an ideal world, the top 65 teams in the RPI would make the tournament. But, sadly this is not the case. Of course first you have the automatic bids, but of all the automatic bids, only twelve of those teams fell outside of the top 65 in the RPI. Now some quick math tells us that naturally, the top 50 in the RPI should get in, you would think. But apparently that is not how the Selection Committee feels. Supposedly, the RPI is the best way to determine the top teams. Teams like Maryland and Michigan (49 and 47 in the RPI respectively) didn't make it, but they most felt they were overrated and their RPIs are only so high because of the supposed greatness of their conferences. But the selection committee also factors in how you play down the stretch and these teams sealed their own fates by flopping at the end of the season. Now the big snubs have to be #21 Missouri State, #30 Hofstra, #39 Creighton and #40 Cincinnati who will be sentenced to the NIT, while teams like #58 Seton Hall, #57 California, #56 Alabama, and #45 Arkansas will be goin' to the Big Dance. If anything Cincinnati's resume is at least as good if not better than Seton Hall's. But the committee also factors in how teams play down the stretch. So were they not watching the SEC games. Did they not notice that Tennessee flopped down the stretch, because they still thought they were a #2 seed? Now granted the #3s aren't stellar. Florida is iffy, Gonzaga would be a #2 if all their games were played in the Kennel, Iowa plays out of the Big Ten (one of the most overrated conferences in the land) and well UNC would probably have the best case for a #2 but they are young and inexperienced, but at least they have been playing well down the stretch. Anyways enough bitter RPI, selection committee talk, let's get down to business!

Let's start with the DC Bracket:

With all apologies to a certain Electric City Blogger, but this is UCONN's bracket for the taking! UCONN is my pick to win it all, which all but assures them losing early on. The Huskies may get a brief scare in round two by the Blazers of UAB, but after that it's smooth sailing.

Speaking of blazers, Bruce Pearl's orange one better have some magic left in it or his team will be in for an early exit, whether they volunteer for it or not, as they may get shocked by Wichita State in the second round.

Highest seed to fall in the first round:
That would be #5 Washington. Although I almost don't want to make this pick because a lot of "experts" are calling this upset as well, which more or less means trouble for the Aggies.

Other lower seeds with a good chance at the second round:
I like "Squeaky" Johnson and UAB to upset Kentucky, although I don't really consider 9 over 8 as a real upset and I'm still trying to decide if George Mason can take down the Spartans. Michigan State was a preseason fav to reach the Final Four, but has since fallen much, much lower on everyone's charts. The Spartans do have a way of playing above their heads in March though so I think they will avoid the first round upset.

Sweet Sixteen teams:
UCONN, Utah State, North Carolina, Wichita State
Elite Eight:
UCONN, North Carolina
Final Four:
UCONN

Minneapolis Region:
I gotta stick with the Big East here and go with Nova to win this bracket. Allen Ray should be eyeing the Final Four. They could have trouble with their Sweet 16 matchup with either Nevada or Boston College. But I think their Big East schedule was a tough enough warm-up.

The best 1st round matchup has to be Georgetown versus Northern Iowa. Look for the winnner of this game to advance to the Sweet Sixteen. Georgetown has a deep team and can do some things in the halfcourt, while UNI is the darling of the Valley and had a tough schedule to prepare for this. I'm torn, but I feel the Hoyas will pull it out.

For your other first round upsets:
Watch out for Wisconsin-Milwaukee and South Alabama. Both Oklahoma and Florida are highly overrated. Oklahoma won about four or five games in a row by one point against teams like Texas Tech and Kansas State and then got pummelled by Texas and fell to Nebraska in the
conference tourney. Florida, is well, Florida. They are the usual prime target for an upset.

Sweet Sixteen:
Villanova, Boston College, Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Georgetown
Elite Eight:
Villanova, Georgetown
Final Four:
Villanova

Oakland Region:
This is, in my opinion, the weakest region overall, but is probably the toughest, if that makes sense. This was the toughest bracket for me to pick. You see there are definitely some good lower seeds in this one. Alabama, San Diego State, Bucknell, Kent State and Bradley all have the street cred to pull off an upset. In fact I think the Bisons of Bucknell are headed to the Sweet Sixteen, mostly because I don't feel that Memphis is that good. To me they haven't proven themselves. I mean they haven't played a meaningful game in months, but then again maybe that won't matter and maybe they are that good. Caleb Green and Ken "King" Tutt (I don't know if that's his nickname, but it darn well should be) of Oral Roberts will put up a good fight in round one, so look for Memphis to be the first #1 to fall. Also look for Brandon Heath and San Diego State to end Mike Davis' tenure in Bloomington. Kansas and Pittsburgh are playing well right now, but I feel one of them will be out in the first round. I'm just not sure of which one. But I feel whichever of the two can survive is headed to the Final Four. I don't know what to make of UCLA. They have a weak conference, but Ben Howland is a pretty good coach. I don't know about Gonzaga. Adam Morrison is a stud, no doubt and JP Bautista can make things happen. But these games are not in the Kennel, and the Zags haven't made it past round 2 in recent years. You can see my dilemma. Mark my words, this bracket will produce the most upsets and the lowest seeded team in the Final Four.

Sweet Sixteen:
Bucknell, Pittsburgh, Gonzaga, UCLA
Elite Eight:
Pittsburgh, UCLA
Final Four:
Pittsburgh

Hotlanta Region:
I hate to do it, but I feel Duke will be headed to yet another Final Four, being my only non-Big East team in the Final Four. But I did kinda figure out who Shelden Williams reminds me of. Remember that episode of the Simosons where they have the All-Star softball team? Well Shelden Williams kind of reminds me of Ken Griffey, Jr. with his gotesquely swollen jaw. Maybe he went a little heavy on Coach K's nerve tonic. Don't get me wrong I would love to see the 'Cuse or LSU take 'em down in the round of sixteen. LSU has Glen Davis, no not the Glenn Davis who played first base for the Houston Astros and Baltimore Orioles. Davis weighs over 300 pounds, so naturally he is a favorite here at "Bitterness", but I still feel G-Mac and the Orange have somehting to prove and have picked a great time to be playing their best basketball. But don't sleep on the MAAC Champ, Iona with their high-scorers, Steve Burtt, Jr. and Rickey Solliver to contend with.

The big first round game to watch though (Syracuse and A&M aside) is West Virginia versus Southern Illinois. The Mountaineers live and die by the three, but I feel the winner of this game will also move on to the Sweet Sixteen. Texas is not that good, but it's hard for me to see them losing in the first couple of rounds. Much like Texas, Cal and NC State play in overrated conferences and I jujst don't know if they are any good or not. My opinion is, they are not. But one of these teams has to make the Sweet Sixteen. So I'll pick Texas for lack of a better choice.

Sweet Sixteen:
Duke, Syracuse, West Virginia, Texas
Elite Eight:
Duke, West Virginia
Final Four:
Duke

I have UCONN beating Duke in the final 87-79

Now when it comes to Cinderella runs to the Sweet Sixteen or Elite Eight, it seems lightning doesn't strike twice. Bucknell, Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Southern Illinois and even West Virginia have made surprising runs in the last couple of years, so it's harder for them now, because now people know. So who knows. But I feel UWM will make another run this year. Also look for Georgetown to surprise some people if they can get by Northern Iowa. Well that's how I see things, so I would pick against everything you read here.