Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch: SATURDAY NIGHT'S MAIN EVENT

One of the things that may have, been lost, forgotten, whatever, from the March Madness weekend in the Electric City was something we happened upon on Saturday night. Now if you've read the title, you already know. That's right kids, it was the return of the Saturday Night Main Event! Now some may not remember, but this was wrestling, or rasslin', on NBC, in primetime, in lieu of Saturday Night Live. This was back from a time when the it was more about pretend wrestling and less about storylines. Now, I don't watch the World Wrestling and Entertainment or whatever WWE stands for. but, back in the day I would watch my fair share of Wrestling Superstars and Wrestling Challenge, the weekend WWF (why did it take the World Wildlife Federation not make them change the initials sooner?) shows that had an hour, featuring many bouts between a marquee name like Hillbilly Jim and some scrub, who you knew would lose because his name was,well, just his name, like Tom Weaver. But it would also give highlights of previous events, and previews of upcoming events. More oft, than not, the preview of upcoming matches would feature a a big name guy like Tito Santana against a green screen that would have his name or logo behind him, as he spouted out insults towards his upcoming foe. But, I digress, back to the Main Event.

It would air, as mentioned, in lieu of SNL from time-to-time. Now the one SNME that always sticks out in my mind is when the MegaPowers disbanded. For those who, well, had a life, the Mega Powers were quite possibly the greatest tag team in WWF history.

It was the "Macho Man" Randy Savage and the Hulk Hogan. They were not tag team partners for long, though. On one fateful Saturday against Big Boss Man and Akeem (The Twin Towers), Hogan had rushed to the aid of an injured Elizabeth (Savage's main squeeze) and left the "Macho Man" alone. Hogan returned only to be hit in the face by "Macho Man" and was then left to finish off the Twin Towers by himself, which he did. After the match in the backroom, Savage and Hogan exchanged words. Savage basically thinking he was making a move on his girl. This played along to real life where Savage suspected Hogan of sleeping with Elizabeth. They split and created a great feud, which eventually brought about the likes of Zeus (aka "Tiny don't call me Alton " Lister), who would "star" with Hogan in the critically acclaimed film No Holds Barred. Is this starting to bring back memories? Well it case it hasn't, here at "Bitterness" we have decided to bring back the REAL SNME, in blog format, of course. Oh and with no regard to year or what have you. And now:

THE BLUE BLAZER vs. THE RED ROOSTER, TERRY TAYLOR

It's the "cock and the walk baby! Terry Taylor against the man in the blue mask ( it's really Owen Hart, shhh). This one is an epic struggle between two talented titans, squaring off in the, er, square circle. The Red Rooster takes the early edge and begins to take control, but the tactical maneuvering of the Blue Blazer is just too darn much after a missed elbow drop by the Rooster. A clothesline by the Blazer! Double B picks up his cocky oppponent and throws him against the ropes and drops him again with his missile dropkick. And he's calling for, OH NO, it's the, he's going for the...YES it's the reverse piledriver! Both combatants are a bit groggy, but the Blazer crawls over for the cover...1-2-3! The winner of this bout is... THE BLUUUUUEEE BLAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZER!

THE ROCKERS (SHAWN MICHEALS AND MARTY JANNETY) vs. THE HART FOUNDATION (BRET "THE HITMAN" HART AND JIM "THE ANVIL NEIDHART")

The high-flyin Rockers will reallt try and run the Hart Foundation around in circles. It'll be the "Anvil" and Jannetty to start and the "Anvil" takes quick control in this one, tossing Jannetty off the ropes, misses with the clothesline, and Jannetty airborn, CAUGHT! by the Anvil and he carries him over to the corner, where he tags in "The Hitman"! They shoot Jannetty off the ropes and they suplex him! The Hart Foundation in control of this one, early! "The Hitman" having his way with Jannetty. And Jannetty off the ropes and lans a drop kick! He can't quite get over to make the tag!! Hart, doesn't seem to know where he is, Jannetty over, MAKES THE TAG (crowd erupts)! He gets to Hart and uses his high-flying tactics and has him on the ropes, when "The Anvil" pulls the ropes and Michaels is out of the ring! The Hart Foundation pulls him back into the ring. "Anvil" with the body slam and now, OH NO! it's time for the Sharpshooter! "Anvil" goes over and drops Jannetty to the floor, as Bret finishes off Michaels. Finally, Michaels submits and winner isssssss thhhhhhhheeeeeee HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART FOUNNNDDATIIIIIOOOOON!!

"RAVISHING" RICK RUDE vs. THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR
Rude was doing his little shimmy in the ring when the theme music for the Warrior comes over the PA and storming down the aisle comes the Warrior, as Rude scurries out of the ring. The Warrior shakes the ropes and his pumped up, on god knows what, for this one! The Warrior dominating the match when Bobby "The Brain" Heenan gets up on the rop and distracts the Warrior. And, OH NO, Rude clocks him with an open fist punch to the face. Rude takes control. "The Brain" is back up on the ropes and the ref is distracted and Rude is pulling something out of his shorts and he CLOCKS the Warrior over the head, Rude to cover, the ref turns around, 1-2- AND THE WARRIOR KICKS OUT! Rude picks him fires him against the ropes and looks for the suplex, but the warrior blocks it and suplexes the ravishing one! He is bouncing off the ropes and drops and elbo and now he's going for the slam! He's got Rude UP! annnnnnnd DOWN! He goes for the pin and 1-2-3! And the winner of the match

THHHHHEEEE ULTIMAAAAAAAAAAAATE WAAAAARRRRRRRRRIOR! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

STEEL CAGE MATCH: HULK HOGAN vs. "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE

This one is a doozy! The "Macho Man" somehow gains the edge and climbs the side of the cage, but instead of going over for the victory, he goes for his patented elbow drop from atop the cage! BUT NO! Hogan rolls away and both men are down! Hogan up first, off the ropes and lands the leg drop! He begins to climb and the cage! Savage comes to and grabs Hogan and pulls him down! They exchange punches and lock up! Hogan sends Savage off the rope, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! Both men are stunned! They slowly come to and begin to climb oppposite ends of the cage. They're climbing down the other side, it's gonna be close! It looks like.........HOGAN!! TOUCHES FIRST! And he is your winnner!