Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Well another week down in the NFL, and I am as confused as ever. Well here are your updated standings with last week's results in parentheses:

MMQB: 74-86 (8-8)

Bitterness: 72-88 (6-10)
The Guy: 72-88 (8-8)

Yes that's right folks after being in the lead from the get go I have finally relinquished the lead, which means it is time for a change. For the first time ever here at "Bitterness" we will have a guest blogger. Now I will still make my picks and my guest blogger has graciously agreed to work them in to his break down of the games. Now our first ever guest blogger is a man who some may say, has lost it. Once brilliant is now just a hack. Well we here at "Bitterness" are willing to allow him a forum to show that he is still as brilliant as ever. So I give you the first ever "Bitterness" guest blogger, drum roll please....drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....Boomer himself, Chris Berman. Take it away Swami!

Thanks Will. Let's take a look at the Thanksgiving weekend in NFL:

The Fish entah the Lions den on Thanksgiving Day, but it'll be the fish feasting on the cats at this dinner table. As the Phins look to keep Jon Kitna 'n' Caboodle from finding Mike "the sound and the" Furrey in the endzone with their secondary led by "ring" Yeremiah Bell. Fish squish the cats 23-14

BUCCANEERS @ COWBOYS: The Bucs enter into the Thanksgiving Day tradition in Big D. Can Tony Romo Arrogato Mr. Roboto continue to impress against a staunch Bucs D. And remember that Thanksgiving is a time to set aside your Shelton "Petty" Quarles and don't be Barrett Ruud at the dinner table, use your manners! And be nice to your Ryan Nece and other relatives. But it'll be the Bucs "O" that'll have it's work cut out for them. Mike "You're in good hands with" Alstott and the O-line need to open up some holes for Cadillac Williams, who's looked more like a Yugo than a cadillac out there. And they'll have to get by "a man named " Bradie James and Demarcus "Ready to" Ware. The 'Boys win the Turkey day roundup 27-17.

For the first time ever it's a third Thanksgiving day game! In a big battle in the AFC West, the Chiefs look to keep their postseason hopes alive. With no Tony "Going, going, going" Gon-zalez the Chiefs will need another big effort from Lary "Don't call me grandmama" Johnson. With Gonzalez out they will also need some production from Jason "A-1 is how steak is" Dunn. But they're up against a tough "D" with Al Wilson pickett and Ian "Solid" Gold dancer leading the charge. They'll get some secondary support for John Lynch "Mob" coming up from the safety position. Broncos win at Arrowhead 13-10.

BEARS @ PATRIOTS: A rematch of Super Bowl XX, won't be the blowout this time around. But the Pats have struggled at the Razor. Meanwhile Tyrannosaurus Rex Grossman has been flustered by good defenses and you know that Bill Belichik will have plenty of blitzing schemes to have T-Rex guessing all game long, looking to make the Bears offense extinct. The defenses will win this game. For the Pats they'll have to shut down a daunting Bears pass rush led by Bad, Bad Alex Brown while Da Bears will have blitzers coming from all over. Not quite as scary as Richard "Fixo" Dent and forget it, barrelling down on ya, but nevertheless. Speakin of Richards, for the Pats Richard "Wear your glasses and you can" Seymour leads the way up front. But it'll be the Pats secondary that'll really have to step it up. The Bears could...go.....all.....the way.....this year, but this'll be wear we find out they're really made of. Bears win it 5-3.

BENGALS @ BROWNS: The Brownies are upset minded but the Bengals are looking to make one final charge and you can be sure that Carson "Lake and" Palmer will have is A-game. This could be a long day for the Cleveland secondary as the Bengals will look to expose Davon Holly "Jolly Christmas". The Browns front seven will have to get some pressure up from, starting with Alvin "Mount" McKinley and their sack leader Kamerion Wimbley stadium. Cuz if they can't get pressure it'll be a big day for TJ Whosyourmama and Ocho Cinco. The Bengals romp 31-16.

EAGLES @ COLTS: The Iggles will need to play flawless football and harken back to the defensive genius of "My" Buddy Ryan. But there will be no Clyde-sdale Simmons, Wes "Hip" Hopkins, Jerome, Jerome, Jerome "on the range" Brown or even Seth "she looks lonely I think I'll" Joyner in Indy for this one. They'll rely on Jermiah "Hot to" Trotter, Matt "the real" McCoy, Brian Dawkins your pay and you can Lito a horse to water but you can't make him drink Shepherd. But we have seen the Colts offense beat good defenses already this year, but are they wearing down.? Well Joseph Addai- in the life, is still full steam ahead and within out Donovan McNabb a sub, the Colts edge the birds 28-20.

PANTHERS @ REDSKINS: The Panthers are looking like playoff team, while the Redskins are on life support. Jason Campbell- chunky soup is still in the learning stages and no better way to learn than having Julius "pick pack of pickled" Peppers pressuring you all game. Panthers roll 20-6

This is a big game for both teams and their playoff hopes, so Mike Vick's- Vapo Rub needs to protect that ball! The Saints are looking to prove to everyone that they are for real. The Saints will need to keep Mr. Vick in the pocket and force "Hot Rod" Roddy White, Ashley Lelien-Deluxe to get open. Falcons win a wild one inspite of a great defensive effort my Scott "Chicken or steak" Fujita... 42-40

STEELERS @ RAVENS: Air McNair and company can dash all hope of a Super Bowl defense in the Steel City with a win in this one. Watch for the Ravens defense to step it up with a big games from Hloti Ngata "Da vida" and Trevor "Excuse me sir, is this the sale" Pryce, up front. Ravens roll at home 17-6.

JAGUARS @ BILLS: Are the Bills and JP finally starting to click? Well the Jags defense probably won't let Lee "You'll be living in" Evans "down by the river" get open in this one. This should be a defensive struggle with both teams looking to rumble, bumble stumble their ways to a victory. Look for a big game for Donte Whitner- of our discontent. Texans beat the Jags twice. Bills beat the Texans, ergo Bills take it 14-13.

CARDINALS @ VIKINGS: Once upon a time, some people thought the Vikings were playoff contenders. Well lately they've been anything but. They actually lost a game in which they held Miami to -3 rushing yards! Well the Vikes may need to harken the spirits Warren "Cow jumped over the" Moon if they want to make any noise down the stretch. However Denny Green's return to the land of Ten Thousand Lakes will not be a pleasant one and number one pick here you come Arizona, as not even the return of Neil Fa-Lomax in his prime, could help ya now. Vikes win! Vikes win! Vikes win! 21-9

TEXANS @ JETS: David "get out of my dreams and get into my" Carr continues to have a solid season, as the Texans remain fiesty and competitive. But Chad Pennington "for your thoughts", will look to rebound from an awful showing against, DA Bears, in week eleven. Eric Mangini "with clam sauce", take a look at what the Bills did and try and go at the Texans' secondary with the walls of Jericho Cotchery. Jets win it 27-20.

49ERS @ RAMS: Well, Mike Nolan has a done a decent job in San Fran, and it doesn't hurt that Frank "Quoth the Raven, never" Gore has been running all over teams. Could be much of the same against the Rams, as they are giving up close to four yards per carry. But it'll be the arm of Marc "battle of the" Bulger that'll win it for the Rams 31-28.

: The Raaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiidahs have shown brief signs of life. While Randy, Moss grows fat on a rolling stone, continues to pout on the sidelines. I have a hunch he'll be joined by a lot of other sad faces in this one as Philip A-Rivers runs through it, carves up the secondary and LT runs over the secondary. The Lightin' Bolts win it big....34-10

GIANTS @ TITANS: The G-Men need this one bad to try and right the ship. They need to pressure Vince Young and the Restless and force lots of mistakes and they will. Antonio "A Separate" Pierce will come up big in this one as the New York football Giants roll along to a 23-16 victory.

Well the gunslinger, Brett Favre and Away will look to shine on Monday Night, like he's done so many times before. Standing in his way the Seahawks defense led by Lofa Tatupu-platter and company. But the Packers should be more worried about their defense. Because even Seneca "falls, women's rights convention of 1848" Wallace could beat the Packers secondary which looks not Gouda but more like Swiss! Seahawks win it 31-21.

Well there ya have it folks, week twelve in nutshell!

Well thanks Boomer. I don't care what they say about you, you're with me leather!

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