KICKIN IT OFF!

Time to get the "Bitterness" Super Bowl pregame underway, because let's face, six and a half hours just ain't gonna cut the Brad Muster, if you know what I mean. This will all lead up to Soup-er Bowl I, here at "Bitterness" and we are all a titter. So here we go, Bears-Colts, Super Bowl XLI. For some of you young-ins our there, they used to just play the big game the week after the Conference Championships, but now the teams have to endure a grueling bye week. In the words of Moe Szyslak, "Bronco Nagurski didn't need no bye week and now he's dead." Fair enough. Now sure I picked a Saints-Patriots Super Bowl and I was about as wrong as one can be with those picks, but I'm moving on, sort of. Let's look at the storylines you won't get to see with this pair of Super Bowl teams:


FRENCH-INDIAN WAR: Okay this one, is maybe a stretch and while the major media outlets wouldn't talk up this storyline, you can bet your bibbybaka, that "Bitterness" sure as heck would. Right now you are probably trying to figure what in the hell is going on. Well if it was the Colts and Saints there would be that whole French-Indian war angle. Okay French-Indiana angle and fine the Saints themselves aren't French, but they do sport a fleur-de-lis on their unis and helmet and that 's good enough for us. But alas this subject won't be covered over the next nine days.

PEYTON vs. PAYTON: This one is only a slightly stronger storyline than that whole French-Indiana war thing. But you can rest assured someone somewhere, probably FOX Sports, would make this into something. And someone was already making up those Peyton's Place T-shirts for distribution in Miami, I just know it. Instead they could maybe do Manning versus Manning, sinve the Bears have both Danielle Manning and Ricky Manning, Jr. in their secondary. So maybe some Manning a Manning T-shirts coulded be headed to Miami even as we speak.

SUPER BOWL XX REMATCH: After the Bears won, you know "the powers that be" were looking for the Pats to win, so they could dust off that wonderful footage of the Bears manhandling the poor old-school Patriots. But alas, the Patriots could not hold up their end of the bargain. I know you're probably saying, "Yes, but the Patriots have won a Super Bowl since then, how much interest can really be had with this storyline?" While the recent success of the Patriots this loss is almost forgotten, but when you get routed by that much it would still be nice to enact some revenge. I'm sure if, say, the Bills had won a recent Super Bowl, but had a shot to beat the Cowboys in the Super Bowl, a Parcells led Cowboys team for that matter, the media and Bills fans would be all over it. They could've killed tow birds with just one stone. But not to worry I'm sure we will still be treated to plenty of Super Bowl XX highlights and Super Bowl shuffle video anyways. Oh joy.

BIG TEN PRIDE: Former Boilermaker Drew Brees up against former Wolverine, Tom Brady. A bitter Big Ten rivalry coming to fruition on the biggest football stage of them all, the Super Bowl. This one's not spectacular, but it would be mentioned somewhere, perhaps the Lafayette Laugher or the Ann Arbor Ledger, who knows. What I do know is that both those periodicals have great Super Bowl coverage and they will probably talk about the struggles of former Boliermaker, Kyle Orton and former Wolverine, Brian Griese battling for second string in the Bears camp. But for the media outside of that might drum up the battle between former Gator, Rex "in FX" Grossman and former Tennessee Volunteer, Peyton Manning. After all Florida did seem to have Peyton's number in his college days. Something to think about.

PEYTON MANNING AGAINST HIS PA'S FORMER TEAM: Archie Manning of course played for the beleaguered Saints franchise. I'm actually glad the Saints aren't playing the Colts, because seeing old shots of Archie dawning the Saints gold and black sort of makes me sick and I would not be able to root for the Saints, like everyone else that is not a Colts fan. Yes we here at "Bitterness" hate Archie Manning, for the whole Eli draft nonsense, and find Peyton to be the only likable Manning.

THE SAINTS: Yes this would have been the ultimate storyline for everyone, as fans would be treated to constant footage of a ravaged New Orleans and the media could tug at your heartstrings for two full weeks. The Saints not only resurrecting a franchise, but a city as well, makes for great copy. But sadly they will have to do their best to come up with some other heartwarming tale. Maybe the fire in Chicago that may have been started by a cow, or maybe if they delve into it they can find that, that fire of lore, was started, not by a cow, but by a colt? Hmmm? Hmmmm?

THE SAINTS WILL SMITH GOING TO MIAMI: We here at "Bitterness" were excited about this possiblilty, as were a lot of you I suspect. For two weeks we could have heard the Will Smith song and Fresh Prince references that practically write themselves. Will Smith pumped to get jiggy on (insert AFC team name here). Maybe something with him and Drew Brees, like "He's the QB, I'm the sacker." This one writes itself, but not his year it doesn't. Ah well, maybe he'll get traded to the Dolphins? We'll keep our fingers crossed!

SAINTS VS. DEVILS: Huh? Yes folks that right, due to the Patriots being hated by much of the NFL and many of the non-Patriot fans. The Patriots have recently come under fire for being unclassy and, I dunno if cheats is the right word, but they do some things on the field that are less than heavenly. Therefore we could dub them the devils for the Super Bowl hype and play off that whole good vs. evil dynamic. Maybe some things on how Bob Kraft sold his soul to the Devil for Bill Belichik and a few big silver footballs? I dunno.

So there you have a look at the storylines that gotta away. Hope you enjoyed the first of several Super Bowl preview blogs leading up to the big one, Souper Bowl I, right here at "Bitterness".