DRAUGHT TIME ONCE AGAIN!

It's time for the Second Annual "Bitterness is a Fish you Can Catch NFL Draught"! Now we're dealing mostly with NFL Players, so you won't find any Indianapolis Kolsch, Cleveland Lowen-Brown, Cinci-natty Bengal or a Green Bay Dacker.


Phil-sner McKonkey: Looks tame, but this is a pilsener with a "giant" taste.


Eric Hipple-sner: This "lion"-hearted brew is the pride of the menu, and if you're looking for a swig of a tasty pils, then make this your "mane" squeeze.

Ty Law-ger: This is our shut-down lager, so look out! Many have tried to fight the Law-ger, but the in the end the Law-ger wins.

Laverneus Kolsch: Golden and glorious, this "jet"-setting concoction is certainly a winner, that is well worth a try.

Flipper Amber-son: You're not gonna want to just go "ram"-ming this down your gullet. No, no, you savor every last drop of this one!

Jim Am-Burt: Not the classiest brew around, but it's robust and manages to get the job done.

Gayle Ale: A pale ale that is a "bear" on the taste buds, it does not disappoint. This will literally run all over you liver! Oh, wait, I guess, figuratively.

Irish Rhett: As red and full of alcohol as a drunken Irishman, which we realize may be redundant, this goes down deceptively smooth and easy.

Jumbo Ale-iott: The name says it all. Nothing small about this ale, whether it be taste, hops, or ABV, so look out. You've been warned!

VaI-P.A.: Otherwise known as the Sikahema special. Drink too many and you may get a bit Sik...ahema. This I.P.A. hits you harder than Vai ever hit a goal post after scoring a touchdown.


Joseph AddaI-P.A.: You'll be running wild in no time if you start drinking this beer in multiples. It's fourth and goal from the one and this is beer is gonna punch it in! I dunno what that meant really, but this is good, so drink it!


Jason Witte-en: Too many of these could, in fact, leave you at your "witte"s" end, so Cowboy up if you think you can handle it!


Jerry Ball-gian White: If you love Belgian beer, than you will certainly have a "ball" with this one.

Sapp-ricot Wheat: This one is more about hype, than actual taste, but it is still pretty darn good, my friends!


RayBerry Wheat: Fresh picked RayBerries, make this a splendid mix of fruit and beer.


Raheem Bock: This is the "bock" star of the menu right here! As thick and rich as Raheem himself, this one'll sack your taste buds like nobody's business.

Elvis Gr-Bock: You only need one word to describe this brew, and that word is...awesomeness personified!

Amp-erial Stout: This has as many good qualities as Amp Lee has NFL uniforms. Think about it!

Choc-Lett Stout: The name says it all. Big, dark and chocolated!

Ben Coates-meal Stout: As consistent and reliable as it's namesake, this one never disappoints!


SEASONALS:
Faulk-toberfest: A seasonal favorite offered in the fall, this one never fumbles!

Dat Nguyen-ter: As our winter seasonal thsi is perfect on a cold winter's night. Very few beers will warm you up like this!


Well that wraps up another "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NFL Draught", hope you enjoyed!


If you're feeling nostalgic, here's the first ever "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NFL Draught".

DRINK IT IN!

The NFL Draft is nearly upon us, which means it's time to role out the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch" NFL Draft Drinking Game. The NFL Draft is by far the most watched draft of any major sport and garners many males to waste a Saturday sitting in front of the television set, watching video of college players and people stepping up to, and onto, a podium. It's a long day and really you're probably not gonna care about 97% of the picks. And that may even be a high number, but luckily we're here to liven things up for you. Now of course these are more or less just suggestions to get started, and you can sure as heck, add, or modify any of these to your own liking.

ONE SWIG:
--Anytime an announcer at the draft uses the word "upside". Usually this just means that they think very little of the player, but don't want he or his family to feel bad. Here's an example: "He's not very mobile and has a questionable arm, but this quarterback has a big upside!" There is no actual film or comments to back this statement up, it's just believed to be true, because someone on television said it.

--Everytime the team on the clock brings the clock down to under a minute before selecting.

--Anytime anyone thanks God. This may or may not happen a lot. God may also have bigger concerns than where Vernon Gholston goes.

--Separate the room into offense and defense. The offensive guys drink every time an offensive guy is drafted and, obviously, the defensive guys will drink for every defensive guy drafted.

--Whenever Chris Berman throws out a Bermanism or one of his "clever" nicknames like Jerod "Hold the" Mayo or Lima "How" Sweed "it is".

--Anytime they show the lame promo that will feature several of the projected first round picks, spinning footballs, and generally looking manly. Bonus drinks if they're shirtless, naturally.

-- Here's a fun one, similar to a power hour. Drink a shot, or sip of, beer, every minute your team is on the clock. It'll at least make the second round more interesting I feel.


TWO SWIGS:
-- Everytime they show you a war room or mention "the war room".

-- Anytime current NFL players speak during the event.

-- You could have everyone separately, or as a group, pick a collegiate conference and drink everytime someone from that conference is selected. Now just to weed out those who don't want to drink cause they have to be relatively sober when they go home to their families, make it conferences who have shots at getting players drafted. Or up the ante if they pick, say the Ivy League.

--Whenever they compare a draftee to a current or former NFL Player, like "Many think so-and-so is without a doubt the next Eric Hipple." "This kid's being touted as the next Jon Kitna." You know, stuff like that.

--Everytime a lineman is drafted. You could also up the ante and make it only offensive linemen, but then you'd probably have to up the drinkage as well.

--Any sort of combine footage.

--Anytime they mention a draft bust, like Akili Smith, David Klingler, or Ki-Jana Carter. Seriously, who was running those Bengals' drafts? A trained monkey smoking a cigarette?

-- Anytime consecutive picks play the same position.

--Anytime the announcing team all enjoy a little chuckle at something one of them said.

THREE-FOUR SWIGS:
--Anytime they flashback to a previous NFL Draft

--Anytime the announcers, especially Mel Kiper, are surprised by a selection.

--Anytime the player gets up to go to the podium and their suit or attire, generates an honest to God, "Damn" or a "Whoa!" from the room you are in. This will tend to happen with a what is commonly referred to as a "pimp" suit. Anything technicolor, finish 'em up!

--Anytime a player is drafted who has two capital letters in his first name, like JaMarcus or LaRon.

--Anytime a pick happens and you don't see it, because the announcers are still talking and they have to then catch you up on what you missed.

----When it gets towards the end of the first round and they start showing that last poor soul in the green room, wondering where and when he will get drafted (See Brady Quinn), You can do a couple things here, like drink everytime they show him, or, drink for every pick (from when he becomes the last player in attendance) that goes by until he is selected.

HALF A DRINK:
-Anytime someone from your local school or area is drafted. You could switch this up and have everyone in the room drink when someone from their alma mater is drafted, if this can carry the game. If you happen to be in a room of dudes, with an alma mater that didn't even sport a football squad, this may not work as well. Mix it up, make it your own.

-- Everytime the crowd boos.

--Anytime a trade takes place.

--Any first round pick who is not in attendance to go up to the podium

-- Anytime Berman says something that honestly makes you laugh, because it's funny and not because he's an idiot. This may not happen.

WHOLE DRINK:
--Everytime a placekicker or punter is selected. This, you may need to carry over into the second day, but who knows.

--The person announcing the picks (Goodell maybe?) badly mispronounces a name.

--Anytime "gunslinger" or "riverboat gambler" is uttered by the announcing team.

--Anytime the clock expires and someone loses a pick.

-- Anytime someone is drafted from a school that is not Division I-A.

-- And of course anytime they mention Shockey.

There you have it, plenty of stuff to get you started, but remember drink responsibly and get those cats spayed and neutered.

THE FINAL FORK

Yes it is now time to launch a new food endeavor. That's right in honor of March Madness we are giving you a delicious menu of college hoops dishes for your enjoyment.

STARTERS:
CHICKEN PENDERS: Golden fried and delicious, fresh from our Providence "deep" Friar (we call it Austin Croshere) served with fries, coleslaw, pickle and choice of honey mustard or barbecue sauce. And if your really daring, go ahead and get the buffalo version, it will not disappoint, unless you're disappointed in awesomeness! Truly a dish worthy of the good old coach.

LEON POWE-TATO SKINS: This dish is as skilled and loaded as it's namesake. The skins of California potatoes, topped with sour cream, chives, bacon bits and packed with flavor. But be ready cause this one can be a real "bear" on the ol' stomach.

THAD MATTA-RELLA STIX: Cheesy and delicious, these golden sticks of fried cheese are absolutely glorious. And of course it comes with some Gerry McNamara-nara sauce for dipping, to make this starter complete.

JUWAN-TON SOUP: A lovely drop of flavor from the orient to get you started, especially if you want to try to create a Fab Five Course meal.

LOADED CHANNING CHEESE FRYES: That's right these bad boys are as loaded with toppings as their namesake is loaded with talent, so recognize! Cheese, bacon bits, chives, scallions, and ranch or sour cream on the side, this "app" will certainly get you in the eating "Zona"!

THE COACH K-SADILLA: Our light an fluffy tortillas filled with cheese, tomato, sour cream and chicken or steak if your daring. This is an old staple here at the Final Fork, but may be starting to grow old and overrated with some of our patrons.

BILL CURLEY FRIES: C'mon? Like you didn't see this one coming?

ENTREES
CHICKEN MARS-ALA ABDELNABY: Savory chicken topped with a lovely marsala wine sauce, that is absolutely to die for! "Double A" would be proud to have his name on this favorite from the old country. Or, well, an old country anyway. This entree could certainly "duke"it out with any other selection on the menu.

VEAL CHILCUTT-LET: Thin and grissly, just like the great Pete Chilcutt. Served with a nice mix of greens, it is arguably the classiest dish on the menu. I said arguably!

JASON TERRY-AKI CHICKEN: The best word to describe this is, "yum"! The chicken is cooked to perfection in our very own terryaki sauce, giving you a taste that will stay with you long after you've finished. Wonderful.

RANDY "PEKING" DUCK: We use only the plumpest, most succulent looking ducks we can find to make this the best around. And don't worry we don't go stingy on the Hoisin sauce!

BIBBY BACK RIBS: Ribs seared to perfection and absolutely smothered in our Eddie House barbecue sauce. Falling right off the bone, you will be in absolute hog heaven enjoying this one! Just make sure you have plenty of napkins handy. Or perhaps a "bib-by"?

CRISPIN FRIED CHICKEN: Two pieces of golden fried chicken, served with Jamal Mash-burned potatoes, a veggie mix and corn bread, this will certainly take the "Nittany Lion's" share of the work to finish.

PASTA:
LARON PROFIT-UCCINI ALFREDO: Fettuccine noodles lightly tossed in our alfredo sauce that is as rich and smooth as Laron himself. There's no doubt that with a dish like this we are sure to turn a "profit".

RIGA-TONY DELK: Rigatoni just like your mom used to make, once you dig in you'll be pulling a Jesse Katzapolis,"Have Mercer, er mercy."

SCOONIE PENNE: Penne and our special tomato sauce with Michael Redd peppers piled seemingly as high as the guard himself. This is a big one, so make sure you keep your "Buckeye"on the prize if you want to finish it.

LOU ROE-TINI: Big and strong just like Lou, this will take you more than a minute, man. To finish that is. So be prepared cause this dish has a lot of "mass"!

DESSERTS:
CHEROKEE LIME PIE: Always a crowd pleaser, this is big chunk of deliciousness, just like Mr.Parks. Trust us when we say, you will not be disappointed.

ARTHUR "CHERRIES JUBI-" LEE: If you haven't had these cherries jubilees, than you haven't had cherries jubilee!

THE TODD "HOT FUDGE SUN"-DAY: You will go "hog wild" for this 3-scoop sundae. Topped with hot fudge, whipped cream, with sprinkles and a cherry on top, this is the perfect ending to any meal and sure to make your...day?

THE BLON-DEE: Maybe even a better finisher than it's namesake, former Illini guard
Dee Brown, this is sure to cap your dinner off with flair!

JAQUES-LATE LAYER CAKE: Named for former Jayhawk, Jaques Vaughn, this dessert is no poser, it's the real deal and must have for any Jaques-late lover out there!


Well that concludes the first ever Final Fork, hope you enjoyed. And if you didn't? Oh well. Enjoy the game!