Wednesday, September 23, 2009

So, last week, was not so good, pick wise. So this week will definitely, possibly, maybe be better.

TITANS@ JETS: A good ol' clash of titans.....and Jets. Or is it? After letting Big Ben pick them apart at the end of the opener, the Titans proceeded to go out and get stumped by "the Schaub", wasting Chris Johnson's big day. Some say it's because there's no more Phat Albert Haynesworth, others say it's due to Jim Schwartz moving to the Lions' den. Me? Well it could be a bit of both, but what do I really think it is? Curse of Steve McNair. What?! Too soon? Titans 13-12

JAGUARS @ TEXANS: Houston, we have a problem. Sure the Texans beat the Titans last week, but how far can they go with this "defense"? First the Jets ran all over them, then the Titans. And what in the name of Kailee Wong was going on when Chris Johnson was just left out wide, all by his lonesome?! Absolutely ridiculous! So look for a big day out of Maurice Jones-Drew in a losing effort as "the Schaub" rolls up the yards and points. Texans 34-23

CHIEFS @ EAGLES: The Eagles defense should be hungry for redemption after Drew Brees lit them up last week. McNabb or no McNabb, that's bad news for Todd Haley and the Chiefs. Eagles 27-13

BROWNS @ RAVENS: Threw the Browns into CAM (Create an Adjective Machine) and it gave us, ungood, uberfutilous, and superawfulicious. Really paints a picture, don't it? The Browns are worse than bad and right now draw comparisons to certain other brown things. And we're not talking about Whatchamacalits, either. Ravens 31-9

GIANTS @ BUCCANEERS: Finally the epic, highly anticipated, kill or be killed, Derrick Ward Bowl I! No? Alright how about the "Most People Could Care Less and Forgot Derrick Ward Wasn't Playing for the Giants, Because Most People Confuse Him With Ahmad Bradshaw Anyway Bowl"? Seems wordy. I'm still not confident in Eli Manning, but I'm less confident in the Buccaneers. Giants 28-17

REDSKINS @ LIONS: Children of the Zorn have not exactly been an offensive juggernaut thus far, making this the trendy upset pick of the week. There's just something in my gut that tells me this isn't the week for the Lions. Of course that feeling could just be indigestion, who knows. Redskins 21-17

PACKERS @ RAMS: So, I picked the Packers to win the Super Bowl, and thus far they are making me look like a simp. But, BUT, this is the week where they turn it all around. Barely beating the Bears? In the past. Losing to the Bengals at home? Forget it! The new season starts Sunday for the Pack, where they will play like a well oiled machine and come 2010, make me look like Notre Damus! Or something to that extent. Packers 35-10

49ERS @ VIKINGS: One of the tougher games to pick this week. A few thoughts here:
  1. Settle down Vikings fans, they beat the Browns and the Lions.
  2. If the Vikings don't start protecting Brett Favre, they'll be seeing the highly scorned Tavarius Jackson, sooner, rather than later. (Jackson has been so insignificant, I'm not even sure I spelled his first name correctly and I'm not gonna look it up!)
  3. May not mean anything, but the Niners have now one six of their last seven under Mike Singletary.
  4. Brad Childress may just be a "D-bag". More to come on that.
  5. Fact! This will not be a shootout.
  6. Vikings 16-13
FALCONS @ PATRIOTS: Now this could be a shootout! Matty Ice's triumphant return to New England and he has been showing a great deal of poise. The Patriots need to prove they are still a tough draw, while the "dirty birds" need to prove they are the real deal. This could also be your typical Patriots statement game. Or not. Should be a fun though. Falcons 31-27

SEAHAWKS @ BEARS: Yeah, so remember when I said as long as Matt Hasselbeck was healthy the Seahawks would dominate the NFC West. I stand by that statement. Bears 24-21

SAINTS @ BILLS: Nothing like a game against the Bucs to right the ship, eh Dick Jauron? Now you can really get things rolling! It's not like you have the highest powered offense in the NFL coming to, oh, wait a tick. The Saints come marching into town Sunday, and Mark Kelso is not walking through that door! Saints 35-27

DOLPHINS @ CHARGERS: In week two, Philip Rivers threw for four-hundred some odd yards against the Ravens....and lost. The Dolphins had the ball for like eighty something percent of the game against the Colts....and lost. Interesting. Chargers 28-24

STEELERS @ BENGALS: Hard to believe, but if not for one miraculous play the Bengals would be 2-0. The Bengals are peskier than street urchins. Trust me, I know. They have pretty much shut down opposing running backs. And that list of running backs includes the one and only Correll Buckhalter, so they are for real. This does not bode will for "Not So Fast" Willie Parker. The Bengals are my upset special of week three. Bengals 27-21

BRONCOS @ RAIDERS: Is there a less intimidating 2-0 team than the Broncos? I submit that there is not! They could very well become the least intimidating 3-0 team ever if they can beat the Raiders. That's probably not asking very much, since JaMarcus Russell is the worst QB in the NFL. Broncos 17-6

COLTS @ CARDINALS: Peyton and the Colts offense should be on the field for more than in Miami. Bad news for the Cardinals. Colts 31-24

PANTHERS @ COWBOYS: They're calling this one the Maligned Quarterback Bowl! Okay, no one is calling that, but it is catchy, don't ya think? No? Eh. Despite the fact the Cowboys have never one a regular season game at Big TV Stadium, I think they'll be alrightish enough to beat the Panthers. Cowboys 28-23

And now you're cheese:

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