WEEK THREE: KITNABALL?

Well, well, well, here we are headed into week three and of course the Bills, Lions and Redskins are 2-0! 2010 division winners Colts, Chiefs and Seahawks are 0-2. I know what you're thinking how could the Chiefs and Seahawks both have won the division last year, they're both in the AFC West?! Well, turns out they moved the 'Hawks to the NFC quite some time ago. Also, it is really irrelevant to me that the Chiefs and Seahawks are both defending division champs, since the Chiefs did it with smoke and mirrors and the Seahawks won the NFC West, but the division winner thing is what everyone is gonna to point to, trying to drum up some semblance of story or parity. Winning the NFC West last year was akin to being the skinniest kid in fat camp. And while we're sort of mentioning the Chiefs, how bad are they? I mean Todd Haley is a horrible head coach and they are off to an all out atrocious start. But not to worry KC fans, at least your best offensive weapon, Jamaal Charles is out for the season, which is gonna severely reduce the odds of "Charles in Charge" headlines in the Kansas City periodicals. Hey maybe Scott Baio could play some QB or wideout? I'm sure Willie Aames is a terrific scatback, they could throw some pads on him and toss him in there.

Well, enough (Eight is Enough?) of that. after a solid 8-8 week two, it's on to the week three picks!

49ERS @ BENGALS (-2.5): Last week the Niners battled the Cowboys in a battle of former playoff rivals and this week it's a rematch of Super Bowl XXIII ! Now obviously it's not the first rematch since then and the Bengals have not really even been close to getting back to the big game, while the Niners have won a pair of Super Bowl rings since that game. Neither team has been to the Super Bowl since 1995 and the Bengals have not won a playoff game since 1990 when they beat the Houston Oilers, who no longer exist. How is any of this relevant to this matchup, you may ask? Well I can't say it it, just thought I'd crack an egg of knowledge over your head and make Bengals fans feel bad. Hey, Tim Krumrie's not walking through that door, Queen City! I don't really have a great read on either of these teams. Both are 1-1, both have beaten what I would consider mediocre at best football teams (Seahawks? Really?) and both teams have QBs who have not proven themselves on the NFL stage. Bengals are at home, so that may be where I should lean, however I keep holding out that Niners are at least very decent. NINERS 21-17

PATRIOTS @ BILLS (+9): Mark this as the first test for the upstart 2011 Buffalo Bills. You gotta love their moxie that's for darned sure, but I think the spread says about all you need to know about what most people think of the 2-0 start. I'd be very surprised if Orchard Park ain't rockin like an LA Guns concert for this one. The concern for the Bills, has to be that the Raiders put up a bunch of points on them and the Raiders were without their top three wideouts. Jason Campbell is not Tom Brady. There's also the fact the Pats have one like 87 of the last 88 meetings against the Williams, or something like that. But hey, if the energy from everyone rooting on the Bills (which is everyone outside of Patriot Planet) is actual power the Bills are sittin in butter! PATRIOTS 28-20

TEXANS @ SAINTS (-4): This matchup intrigues me. Everyone is high on the Texans to win the AFC South and it's tough to argue, with Peyton Manning gone, but there's just that little voice in the back of my head saying, "Texans will never make the leap to the next level!" Well if you wanna prove you're ready to make that leap, Houston, here's your chance. Legitimately the Saints could be 2-0, but Sean Payton's hubris may have prevented that from happening. Judging by how the Saints manhandled the Bears in week two, it could be a long afternoon for the Schaub. SAINTS 38-21

GIANTS @ EAGLES (-6): The Eagles offense could really undergo quite a "metamorphasis" this week if Kafka is at QB. Yeah, I went there! And others may have used this, but I had to have been one of the first as I tweeted this on Sunday night when he entered the game (its @WillieMoe if you wanna check and also don't wanna miss out on my Sunday football tweets that get less and less relevant with each passing beer)! Anyway, Andy reid says he has full confidence in Kafka if he has to run the offense. In fact he said he should have let him loose a little more on Sunday night. And Andy Reid continues to be one of the worstest in-game managers. On the other side of the ball you have the G-Men who must have been watching the Emmy's on Sunday, to inspire that great acting on Monday night! Well, I think they were already merely acting as contenders anyway. All signs point to the Iggles winning this one! ALL SIGNS! EAGLES 27-21

DOLPHINS @ BROWNS: (-2.5): The Phins are 0-2 and I think only Tony Sparano is the only one surprised by this. This could very well be the week they break into the win column, since the Brownies have not been overly impressive. May have to break out my Browns Jon Jurcovic jersey though and if that happens, well, all bets are off. BROWNS 23-17

BRONCOS @ TITANS (-7): I think we're more likely to see the Titans we saw in week two than the Titans we saw in week one. And hey Chris Johnson, my fantasy team is dying a slow death, so if you wanna go ahead and , I dunno, actually earn that big contract you held out for anytime soon, it would be greatly appreciated! TITANS 24-14

LIONS @ VIKINGS (+3.5): Well everyone's sleeper pick (which I guess doesn't really make them a sleeper pick anymore, does it?), the Lions, has started 2-0. Now sure you can't really say they've been tested (who have they played, Bill?), but at the same time, can you honestly say the Vikings are a test, the way they've played? Hardly. While Leslie Frazier still has confidence in Donovan McNabb, I feel Minnesota fans may not share this view, if they even still do, after week three. LIONS 31-21

JAGUARS @ PANTHERS (-3.5): These two squads are cosmically linked, having come into the league at the same time. They also both went to, and lost, their first respective conference Championship games for the first time, in the same year. Well Sunday they both start rookie QBs, as the similarities continue, and yet stop here. Figgy Newton has been throwing up ridiculous numbers thus far, while Blaine Gabbert is making his first NFL start. I don't know much about Gabbert, except the general consensus is he could not possible be worse than Luke McCown, which is a ringing endorsement if ever I heard one. And I have. Heard a ringing endorsement. Sorry 'bout that. The only way for the Jags to win is to hope MJD runs wild and they can keep Cam Newton off the field as much as possible. May be too tall of a task. PANTHERS 28-17

CHIEFS @ CHARGERS (-14.5): The spread would only seems large if the Chieves hadn't been beaten twice by 30 or more points. Plus, as mentioned earlier, Jamaal Charles is out for the season. I almost never pick someone to cover this kind of spread in the NFL, but I'm gonna go with the masses. CHARGERS 80-10

JETS @ RAIDERS (+3.5): And the tests just keep on comin' for the Jets. The Raiders are a mystery to me, but the Jets, I am still assuming, are pretty good. At least good enough to shut down Jason Campbell and whomever he has at receiver on Sunday. JETS 27-14

RAVENS @ RAMS (+3.5): Not quite sure what happen to Baltimore in week two, but I would wager a guess it is not likely to happen again this season. At least not in St. Louis in week three. RAVENS 31-13

FALCONS @ BUCCANEERS (-1.5): Matty Ice and company should have some good swagger coming into week three after a big primetime win against Philly last week. On the other side is Josh Freeman and the Buccaneers. I am unsure if either is somewhat good or not. I like Josh Freeman, but I think the Falcons pull this one out. I'm actually kind of surprised the Bucs are favored here. FALCONS 16-10

CARDINALS @ SEAHAWKS (+3.5): Winner of "the game I probably care least about" this week. Congratulations guys! CARDINALS 24-12

PACKERS @ BEARS (+3.5): Maybe the game of the week if, unlike me, you believe in Jay Cutler. But regardless of my feelings towards Cutler and the Bears, the skirmishes between these two teams do seem to end up being pretty close. Now I'm not saying I believe in the Bears here, but something tells me they pull off the "upset" on Sunday night. Possibly in overtime? BEARS 27-24

STEELERS @ COLTS (+10.5): I'm sure ESPN and NBC were just super happy when they found out Peyton Manning may be done for the season, since America can't get enough of Kerry Collins. NOT! ("NOT" joke's for you Hoff!) . Maybe by some sort of sheer luck the Colts stay close in this one, but really does anyone think that? If it happens it will certainly be some sort of prime time, Monday Night Football, Buffalo Wild Wings puling the strings, magical thing. STEELERS 25-11

So, there ya have it! My insightful thoughts on week three in the NFL! And now your cheese: