WHAT'S IN A NICKNAME?

Time to breakdown the NCAA Tournament, in a way only I can, by team nicknames of course. Now I could waste your time analyzing Ty Lawson's toe (just one thought on the toe: why is it such a big deal for him to miss the 1^st Round game anyway? I mean why not just rest him? I know the Tar Heels aren't as good without him, but is anyone now picking Radford to advance? Well?) or UCONN's #1 seeding, yada, yada, yada, but that's nothing you haven't read about furiously over the last three days or so. So, we're going in a slightly different direction, Bon appetite!

In the field of 65, 34 schools have animal nicknames, while 21 have human nicknames

Nine teams have feline nicknames, seven have aviary or bird nicknames, and five have dog nicknames.

The most popular nickname in this year's tourney? That would be Eagles and Tigers with four.

There are three Bulldog squads and two each of Panther, Wildcat, Husky, Golden Bear, Aggie and Viking.

But, there can only be one Highlander squad and that would be Radford.

Unfortunately Cincinnati is not in the field of 65, so there will be only one team of Bearcats. That of course being Binghamton.

And no Bucknell, means North Dakota State will be the only Bison roaming the fields of 65.

Out West.....

It'll be a dog fight in Portland when the Huskies of Washington grapple with the Mississippi State Bulldogs.

If the top four seeds in the West advance to the Sweet Sixteen, we'll be treated to Huskies (UCONN) vs. Huskies (Washington) and Tigers (Missouri) vs Tigers (Memphis). Bet that had something to do with the committee's seeding.

Best team name in the region? Cal St.-Northridge Matadors. Unfortunately neither Buffalo nor South Florida made the tourney, preventing the Bull vs. Matador matchup from happening. The Matadors are probably in for an early exit, as Tigers can accelerate a bit faster than Bulls.

Meanwhile on the other coast....

The Volunteers will fight with the Cowboys', probably over land or something, when Oklahoma State squares off with Tennessee.

While the Musketeers of Xavier will try and fens off the raid of the Portland State Vikings.

The Buccaneers of East Tennessee State will lock up with the Pittsburgh Panthers and a good old-fashioned NFC South battle, plus...

The winner of that game could end up meeting the Cowboys in the second round, and if some huge upsets occur, the Vikings in the Sweet Sixteen and either the Rams or Eagles in the Elite Eight!

Now the Rams and Eagles could be headed for a second round skirmish, if American and Virginia Commonwealth can both pull off first round upsets. Not likely, but you never know, that's why its called March Madness and not March Everything Goes According to Plan.

Yes, an American University athlete is an American Eagle, just like the clothing store.

And of course the matchup, we'd love to see in nature, Gophers vs. Badgers.

And then there's the outside chance of a Cowboys-Indians (Seminole to be precise) if Oklahoma State and Florida State make it to the Sweet 16.

Southern comfort....

While it is far from likely, if 7^th seeded Clemson and 8^th seeded LSU get to the Elite 8, we would have some Tiger on Tiger action, plus if things get really crazy they could possibly meet a Tiger team (Memphis or Mizzouu) in the Championship game.

Of course the best 1^st round matchup is the Zips vs. Zags, which will be the first ever tournament game between two teams with three letter nicknames starting with “z”. Now I know, Gonzaga is actually the Bulldogs, but they have unis with “Zags” on them, which is good enough for me. Having said that....

If Gonzaga advances to the Sweet Sixteen, there's a small possibility they could meet Butler for a Bulldogfight.

Favorite nickname: Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks

Midwest

Biggest first round game of name interest is Kansas versus North Dakota State. “Why”, you may ask? Well not only does Kansas hold the NCAA record for being upset by teams with “B” nicknames. The Bradley Braves and Bucknell Bison being the most recent, but they have not beaten a Bison team this century in the tournament! Yes North Dakota State is, in fact, the Bison. A Kansas loss would, quite possibly give them the record for most 1^st round losses to Bison in the NCAA Tournament.

The 2^nd Round could feature the Spartans going at it with the Trojans. Talk about Greek style!

A possible Sweet Sixteen matchup could feature the Demonic Deacons of Wake Forest versus the Saints of Siena, in a battle of good versus evil.

There could be a Regional Final for the birds, as the Cardinals of Louisville could meet either the Eagles of Boston College or the Jayhawks of Kansas.

Other nuggets:

The last time two teams with the same nickname meant in the final would be 1997, when the Arizona Wildcats defeated the Kentucky Wildcats.

Odds of that happening this year: Not good.

The Eagles are seeded 6, 7, 13 and 16

The Tigers are seeded 1, 3, 7, and 8 and the one and three seeds are in the same region.

The Bulldogs are seeded 4, 9 and 13.

Both Viking teams are seeded 13^th, which could mean something.

The Bears are 6, 7 and 15.

Wildcats are 3 and 12.

Aggies are 9 and 11, and if that weren't enough og a long shot, they are in the same region!

Same for the Huskies, seeded 1 and 4 in the same region.

And the Panthers are 1 and 12 seeds.

So there ya have it, enjoy the games!

WEEK SEVENTEEN: A CLOCKWORK KITNA

Well here it is the final week of the NFL regular season and there are still many questions to be answered. Will the Lions remain perfectly futile? Did Rod Marinelli fire his team up by showing them Necessary Roughness last night? Who will secure those precious last few playoff spots? Where is the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Swiss Miss All-Christmas Team"? Will Plaxico Burress be arrested again before the year ends? If the Jets and Pats win, will Eric Mangini be invited to the Belichik compound for Ostrichburgers? Who shot Kennedy? Are the Giants good this week? Of those who don't need wins this week, how many will play their starters? Where's the beef? What are the 23 flavors involved in the make-up of Dr. Pepper? And how many flavors are used to make Mr. Pibb? And aside from a medical degree, what is the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb? Is Tom Brady engaged? Do you care? When will Breckin Meyer be recognized by the Academy? Not for an award, I mean when will they actually recognize him? Like on the street or something. Who will win the 138th Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Shirtless Gutenburg Awards? Does anyone care what this guy thinks? Is this the best beer blog going? Was that a shameless plug? Maybe you should ask this guy? Or how about this guy? Well, while that is a lot to tackle, I'm pretty sure Week 17 in the NFL should answer just about all of those questions and the some. But before we get to the picks, we have to address a couple of things for our loyal readers. Yes, all seven of them.

First off y'all are probably wondering why I would dis Lil Baby Jesus ( not to be confused with Big Baby Jesus of course) by not posting the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Swiss Miss All-Christmas Football Team". It was mostly a time crunch thing, coupled with the fact that we were away from "Bitterness" HQ for a couple of days. So how are we gonna rectify this injustice? Well, we'll throw it in right here, after we tackle another concern that has haunted us these past few days. We made a big omission from the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch All-Hannukah Team Presented by Boku and Richard Lewis" and we need to rectify that situation shortly, right after we make you aware that we have just set a new "Bitterness" record for number of times using the word "rectify" in a post. Now, on with the show. We regret the omission of Tyson "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of" Clabo, and sincerely apologize for such a large oversight. We take playing with people's names very seriously here at "Bitterness", and would never purposefully make such a large oversight and hope you can forgive us and will continue to make us your number one place for sillified nicknames. Now, that being said here is the "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Swiss Miss All-Christmas Football Team":

QB- Jake Delhomme "For the Holidays"
RB- Steve "One horse open" Slaton
RB- "Jingle Bell" Rock Cartwright
WR- Reggie A-Wayne "In a Manger"
WR- Chris Horn-"aments"
TE- Justin "Let it" Snow
OL- Mike Gandy "Cane"
OL- Trent Cole "In Your Stocking"
OL- Nick Mangold "Frankincense and Myrhh"
OL- Travis "Little Drummer" LaBoy
OL- "Good" King "Wencelas" Dunlap

DL- Leonard Little "Town of Bethlehem"
DL- Ebenezer "Scrooge" Ekuban
DL- Raheem "Jingle Bell" Brock
DL- Chris Canty "Cane"
LB- "Mistle" Tony Gilbert
LB- Tully "Candy" Banta-Cain
LB- Vernon Gholston "Of Christmas Past"
CB- Davon "Boughs of" Holly
CB- Ahmad "Christmas" Carroll
S- Donte Whittner "Wonderland"
S- Quentin "Gold, Franincense and" Jammer

K- Robbie Gould "Frankincense and Myrhh"
P- Sav Rocca "Round the Christmas Tree"

And now the picks:
RAMS @ FALCONS: The Falcons, yes the Falcons could still get a home playoff game! Not only could they get a home game, they could get a first round bye! Unbelievable! Falcons 37-15.

RAIDERS @ BUCCANEERS: The Gruden Bowl and a Super Bowl rematch fom years ago. What's not to love? Yeah, I know. Buccaneers 24-23.



LIONS @ PACKERS: This could have as much interest as any game on the docket. Can the Lions be the first 16 loss team in NFL history? We'd all like to think so, but will the Packers care that much? I would say the Packers will be fighting tooth and nail to win this one. Some might say why not just lay down, its a virtually meaningless game for the Pack. Well, think about it though. Aside from marring your franchise name in the football anals, there can't be a lot of pride in being the only team to lose to lose to the Lions. Packers 37-14.



BROWNS @ STEELERS: Its been a rough year in Cleveland, but a win here could end the season on a high note for the Brownies. Steelers 27-17.

GIANTS @ VIKINGS: Obviously this means a lot more to the Vikes than it does the G-Men, but will the Tom "turn and" Coughlin be goign full force in this one? Now some people look down on teams resting their starters, against a team who holds playoff implications in its hands, but with several big names like Kevin "Big Boss Man" and Brandon Jacobs listed as doubtful, why would you risk it? I realize the Gaints have a bye week coming up to rest, but that won't matter if BJ is knocked out for the playoffs, will it? Vikings 14-13.

PATRIOTS @ BILLS: The Bills are playing their playoff game right here. Pats 21-17.

BEARS @ TEXANS: Ditto for the Texans. Bears in need a of a win to win the division, but me thinks they'll have a rough trip to Texas. Texans 17-13.

TITANS @ COLTS: Another meaning less Colts-Titans skirmish, yay. At least this year both teams can play the backups. Colts 24-20.

CHIEFS @ BENGALS: The matchup everyone circled on their calendars when this years schedules were announced. I mean what do you say that hasn't already been said about a game between two awful teams on the final Sunday of the regular season? If the Bengals win, that could drop them out of the coveted #4 draft pick. In fact the win could end up dropping the Bengals down a few spots come April. A Chiefs win clinches the #3 Draft Pick in April, but a loss doesn't necessarily give them that coveted #2 pick either, unless the Rams win. This one may have more implications than any other game today. Bengals 14-10.

PANTHERS @ SAINTS: Simple, Panthers win they take the division and get a first round bye. All that stands in their way is Drew Brees and the mighty Saints. Panthers 27-21.

JAGUARS @ RAVENS: All that stands between the Ravens and the playoffs is the Jaguars, who haven't had an inspired performance since last December. Hmm, let me think. Ravens 23-7.

SEAHAWKS @ CARDINALS: Seahawks, probably against the Cards backups. Seahawks 11-9.

DOLPHINS @ JETS: Eh, if you follow football you already know everything you need to know about this one and are probably already tired of it. I'm not even gonna talk about Brett Favre screwing the Pats several years ago by losing to the Jets in the final week, in essence eliminating the Pats from the playoffs. Not one word, I swear. Jets 33-28.
REDSKINS @ NINERS: Niners 31-28.

COWBOYS @ EAGLES: Well here's the Eagles scenario. For them to make the playoffs, they need to beat the Cowboys, have Tampa Bay lose to the Raiders, have Minnesota or Chicago lose, then they need the moon to align with Jupiter, hell to freeze over, and pigs to fly. Easy. Well, at least they can still play spoiler to the Cowboys. Eagles 27-23.

BRONCOS @ CHARGERS: Well it all comes down to this in the AFC West. A Chargers win and Ed Hochuli can sleep a bit easier. A Broncos win and well, maybe he can't. What am I his psychiatrist? Chargers 37-31.