WEEK 7: KITNA RIDES AGAIN

Can you believe it's week 7 already? An boy was week six kooky! Rams, Seahawks down to the wire, the Saints fighting off the Eagles and that Monday Nighter was insane! Well before I jump into the week 7 picks we're gonna talk a little basbeball. Well, not so much baseball, as FOX's lame-ass coverage of it. I mean the announcers are terrible and what the hell is up with the FOX Trax pitch thing? I mean how is a box down in the lower right hand corner of my screen helping anyone. Why can't they put a box over the plate? Does ESPN have the rights to that? And why does FOX still insist on putting in all those flashy graphics and random robot things? Is anyone tuning in because of this? Is there one guy in Des Moines, IA saying," I didn't used to like baseball, but FOX makes it so darned entertainin'what with their flashy graphics and whatnot!" C'mon, give me a break! And who is Tim McCarver sleeping with to still have a job? During the Tigers-Yankees series, he was saying early in one of the games that the home plate ump's corners looked like they were gonna vary all night, because he was calling a very inconsistent strike zone. At the end of the game, he praised how well the game was called behind the plate. Huh? I mean when was the last time Tim McCarver made a valid or pertinent point, 1975? And yes Tim, we all know the last time the Mets won was in 1986 when they beat the Red Sox, is it necessary to keep bringing up! Why don't you also mention that milk comes from cows and George W. Bush is the president?! Or did I just ruin that for ya Tim? Here's a fun little thing google, "Tim McCarver sucks" and sift through the 20,300 or so results that show up. Alright enough of that wonderful return to bitterness here at, well, "Bitterness", here come your week seven picks with some baseball seasoning:

But first a look at the current standings:
Bitterness: 46-41 (6-7)
The Guy: 41-46 (7-6)
MMQB: 37-50 (5-8)

JAGUARS @ TEXANS : Man, I remember sittin down with my dad on Sunday afternoons watching those classic Jaguars-Texans games of yore. Those were the days, ahhh. But sadly this is a rivalry that has lost it's way. I mean nothing will ever be as good as that '77 Jaguars-Texans battle in the Astrodome, sure. I mean, that was about as good as they come, or so my dad says. Even when the Texans started to stink and they pulled off that upset in '88 to keep the Jaguars out of the playoffs, whoooo! I only hope they honor those old teams and wear some throwback uniforms in this one! Jags take it 23-10.

CHARGERS @ CHIEFS: If I'm gonna nickname the Chargers runners Turner and Hooch than Philip Rivers should be Reginald VelJohnson's character "David". But "David" is kind of a weak nickname, so I'm thinking eithr Reg or Vel-J. We'll see. Anyways, there should be no reason that Vel-J, Turner and Hooch can't dominate the Chiefs like the Steelers did last week as the win it Andy Hawkins to Jamie Quirk (That's 40-9 for those not up on your uniform numbers of random 80s baseball players).

PACKERS @ DOLPHINS: I don't care what anyone says, the Dolphins are still winless in my book, no matter what the NFL says. I keep sending those strongly worded emails to "Mr. Excitement" Roger Goodell, but he still says the win over the Titans counts. Bahhh! Moving on. For a good stretch of time, let's call it the 90s and the early stages of the 21st century, sports fans in Wisconsin could turn to the Packers in September to help them forget about the summer months filled with many a Brewers loss, but sadly those days are behind them and now they have to try and hope for the Bucks to help ease their pain. Good luck with that. Oh yeah, a prediction, sorry. The Dolphins have struggled and everyone knows the propensity of a gunslinger like Brett Favre to eat a team like that up, so here's a Packers win to hold Wisconsinites off until the Bucks start up. Pack take it Ben Ogilvie to Jeff Conine in his first stint with the Marlins or 24-19, as two missed field goals by Snowflake really hurt the 'Phins.

STEELERS @ FALCONS: These two cities have quite the baseball history, with the Braves twice ousting the Pirates from the playoffs. But Mike Vick, Warrick Dunn and Alge Crumpler are no Ron Gant, Mark Lemke and David Justice. Plus rumor has it that Doug Drabek has taken Ben Roethlisberger under his wing, so the sky's the limit in the Steel City. Not really, they're still overrated, it's just an expression really. Anyways the city of Pittsburgh gets some revenge against those Tomahawk Choppin' Braves fans in the Georgia Peach Dome and win this one Bobby Bonilla with the Pirates to Brian Hunter or 23-14.

BRONCOS @ BROWNS: I could do something about Cleveland hosting Denver bringing back memories of "the Drive" by John Elway (not to be confused with "Drive" by Larry Bird, a good read, if you have the means I highly recommend picking it up. It got me through a lot of rough times.) but I won't I will just talk about how I'm not gonna talk about it and just tell ya that the Broncos will win a tight one David Nied to Matt Williams with the Indians or 17-9


EAGLES @ BUCCANEERS: The Eagles very well could be undefeated, but they are not and that's all that matters right now. The Buccaneers are ready to take a big turn and do some damage with B-Grad at the helm. So I like the Eagles to win but it'll be close they'll only escpae by a Keith Moreland with the Phillies or by six for those not down with Keith Moreland 20-14

PANTHERS @ BENGALS: The Panthers have won four straight game including last week's win against the Ravens, while the Bengals are headed in the opposite direction, losers of two straight. The Bengals need this one bad as after this they still have to face Atlanta, Baltimore twice, the Steelers, San Diego, New Orleans, a fiesty Browns team, Denver and Indy. The only "cream puff" left is the lowly Raiders, so heading into that stretch at 3-3 could be "Bad News Bears, Walter Matthau" for them, if ya know what I mean. I think Heisman finds the strength to lead them to victory as they win by Joe Oliver, 23-14.

PATRIOTS @ BILLS: How do you recover from being the first team to lose to the Lions? Why by beating the defending division champs. Hey it could happen. I'm not saying it will, but it could. I will say this, Jim Kelly has to be a big fat liar (and I'm not talking about the well-written movie with Paul Giamatti and one Mr. Frankie Muniz)! you see my friend Bill told me that Mr. Kelly was a widely known Republican, to wit I replied, "Ummm, ahahaha, Bill how can he be a Republican, he ran the K-gun?" That's right, the K-GUN! Hardly a conservative offensive approach , I would say! Pish-tosh! I kid, Jim Kelly is a handsome and fine fella, even if he did have a career 51-3 record against the Pats. That stat is of course made up. Pats win it by an Ed Romero, 28-21.

LIONS @ JETS: As it happens Lions and Jets fans may have more on their mind come Sunday afternoon, as the Tigers and Mets could have just played game one of the World Series on Saturday night. This is especially good for Detroit because if the Tigers win it all, then that will carry them for a few months and they might not realize just how bad the Lions really are until late November, early December. Or, perhaps, they'll just jump right to the Red Wings and Pistons, and forget the Lions even exist, who knows. Sort of like, if the Lions go 3-13 this year, would anyone in Detroit know? Well Kitna is poised to make it two in a row but the Lions will fall short once again, losing Rick Aguilera to Chet Lemon or 38-34.

VIKINGS @ SEAHAWKS: Minnesota is the type of team that'll be in just about every game, and this one'll be no different. The Seahawks squeaked past the Rams last week, and sort of seem to not be as good as a lot of people thought. Sure they don't have Shaun Alexander anymore, I guess that's valid, but excuses only take you so far. Seattle is a tough place to play and I think the homefield edge will be enough in this one as the Vikings fans will not be gladden-ed by the outcome as they lose by a Steve Lombardozzi 21-17.

CARDINALS @ RAIDERS: Arizona is coming off one of the biggest choke jobs I have ever witnessed. It's not like losing a best of seven series after being up three games to none or anything, but it was bad. If the Cardinals lose this one, then Denny Green might just throw in the towel. I'm serious! I wonder if the Raiders have tried to see how mobile Dave Stewart is? He was a fireballer, I dunno? Cards win it by Storm Davis or 14, 23-9.

REDSKINS @ COLTS: The only thing going for the 'Skins is that the Colts have a fairly porous run defense. This one will actually be close for awhile, but the Colts will get it done once again winning it by an Al Bumbry, 24-23

GIANTS @ COWBOYS: Okay at this point I'd like to tell y'all a lil' anecdote. You see on Sunday I went to Pat's Sports Bar to drink, watch some football with the one Mr. Marcus Phelps. So we were there and of course there were four or five Cowboys fans, imagine our delight. So as the game goes on they are just ripping into Bledsoe, blaming everything on the fact that he was QB and not the great Tony Romo. Now I would like to applaud Randy Cross, who more or less stuck up for Bledsoe every chance he could. After Bledsoe threw a ball away from the Texans' five, the boo birds were out in Dallas and at Pat's. Cross brought the replay up and said, "Okay, you be the QB.." and proceeded to x-out every reciever that was covered, giving Bledsoe no option but to throw it away. Then saying, "Where did you want him to throw it?" Now at this point the the Cowboys fans at Pat's now blame Parcells' play call. Okay, now say what you will about Bill Parcells, he's a pretty good football coach and he has coached the same way for all 87 years of coaching, and in that same breath he took a Cowboys team quarterbacked by Quincy Carter to the playoffs! So maybe you should think before you speak. Of course to add fuel to the fire Parcells put in Romo late, with the game in hand and he went 2-2 with a TD. His first completion was an underthrown ball that came out funny and the other was almost a shovel pass to Terrell Owens. Hardly impressive, but sure the Romo chants will only get louder in the weeks to come. Giants will win this 13-10.

And that's how the cookie crumbles!

80s BASEBALL BOOK CLUB

It seems, that here at "Bitterness" we have been very one-dimensional lately, and that's just not right. So we've decided, in honor of the baseball playoffs being in full swing (Go Tigers, do it for Larry Herndon) to start the 80s Baseball Book Club. Here are just a few to wet the appettite in our first installment, with the first few to honor the final three teams still alive in the MLB Playoffs:

HERZOG: A well told tale of the life and times of Whitey Herzog. From his playing days with the Washington Senators all the way to his managerial heyday with the St. Louis Cardinals. His style of play was nicknamed "Whiteyball" based on the premise of defense speed and pitching. Herzog's philosophy also revolved around patient hitters. Sound familiar Billy Beane?

THE CASK OF AMONT-OQUENDO: A psychological tale of revenge, mystery and and a man who played many positions.

KEITH BE NOT PROUD: A refreshingly revealing portrait of a brilliant young ballplayer with a killer mustache. He is Keith Hernandez. This one is non-stop mustache ride! A real page turner!

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S BREAM: This is a wonderfully delightful read. featuring Sid Bream and a series of unforgettable adventures. You will enjoy the other colrful characters such as Puckett and O'Brien. A classic if ever there were one. Oh and Bream also sported a pretty sweet stache in his onw right.

ATLEE SHRUGGED: Ayn Rand's classic novel, that she considered her magnum opus, whatever the heck that means. It of course follows Atlee Hammaker as he tries to put the weight of the world on his shoulders. It hits a lot of life's great topics, such as social classes and the theory of sex.


HOWARD'S END: This follows the gripping tale of Howard "HoJo" Johnson right up until he called it quits. Through championships with both the Tigers and the Mets (hmm, interesting) all through the rough patch where he was falsely connected with the Howard Johnson hotel chain. Little known fact that until David Wright did it in '06 , Johnson was the last Met to win the NL Player of the Month. But every fairy tale must come to an end and that is what this is all about. (Tear)

A FAREWELL TO ARMAS: One of the best sluggers of the 80s, Tony Armas was a tribute to Venezuela. From Pittsburgh to Oakland to Boston to California, he touched the lives of many a baseball fan. But this brings us his final season and a tearful farewell to one of the 80s' best! He is now a Hall of Famer. In the Venezuelan Hall of Fame of course. With special prologue by Joe Sambito.

Well there you have it, the first selections of the 80s Baseball Book Club, hope you enjoy and happy reading!

BOYZ II MEN TOO

Well it's been a long time coming. But I figure it's time. I know a certain non-blogger who is probably getting giddy with excitement, even as we speak. You see five weeks ago two "boys" set out on the road, their destination: adventure and idiocy. Written in the first person, none of the names have been changed, so as to implicate everyone involved. This is their tale:
(this blog is rated immature for language, beer consumption and general idiocy)

Friday, September 8, 2006
It was early Friday evening. I was packed and rarin' to go. Billyball would be here any minute and then it would begin. Three days of debauchery with the fellas. We were headed to Philadelphia (the Sunshine State, gorgeous) to visit our altudinous friend, Jitter (just a big word for tall) for a few days. The specifics of what was in store for us, was sort of mired in some gray area. What we did know, was we were in store for something, well, something. Let's just leave it at that.

Billyball arrived home and threw some stuff together. Soon enough I was out of Bill's dreams and in to his car, the Cranberry Cruiser. We were off. The details of the ride are more or less inconsequential. Let's just say the only one that could have got us there faster was maybe Dick Trickle. It was a nice little drive and it flew by as we hit Philly a little after 10pm.

We arrived at Jitter's commode and were greeted in style.
And yes that is a Schaefer's in his hand. "The one beer to have when you're having more than one." Lookout! Their was also some Victory in store, for Bill and his sensitive uvula. We also met Jitter's cousin who may or may not be related to Mike Schmidt....
or Rollie Fingers. Or perhaps Chester A. Arthur. Really, the resemblance is striking! Now Jitter's cuz's real name is not importanat as he will only be referred to as Schmitty for the rest of this entry. We had a quick brew at Jitter's crib and then headed out to paint the town red, or maybe mauve. The first stop, Bob and Barbra's was nothing short of glorious. It is not just a local watering hole, but a museum. Pictures will speak louder than words on this one:











What'd I tell ya? You can't even begin to capture the atmosphere here with just three pictures. They had a live jazz trio playing and a special, which is no longer to be called a "Happy Meal", featuring a shot of whiskey and a can of PBR for four American dollars. Have mercy! You really have to go there to get the true feel of it. It is wall to wall PBR paraphenalia and it is a sight to behold. Plus look at the size of the beer mugs:Sadly, we could not stay here all night, as there was lots of time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that, reverse it. So, it was off to the next establishment, which name eludes me right now, but had some good stuff to offer.

We entered, letting some folks outside this place know that, "High Fives are free!" They looked scared. This was a nice little place, reminiscent of some underground coffee house.

I waited here for about fifteen minutes before realizing that the drinks were made and paid for on the other end of the establishment. Talk about fakse advertising.
This hockey game was once USA versus Canada, I believe. You can't really see it that well, but the game has been modified and is now good versus evil. All of the heads have been changed, complete with names on the back of their jerseys. Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden and Ronald McDonald were among some of the "skaters". Bill was not happy, as he hates being told what to do by walls:

But then I pulled out my "package" and well:

It was at this lovely beer cave that we would find a girl who we would make, regret her wardrobe choice for the evening:

What were the odds of her finding four dudes who were utterly fascinated with all things PBR? Bad luck for her. Well we wrapped up the night there and made a quick stop at Wawa's for some hoagies. We quickly found out they were out of a lot of stuff and we were forced to audible at the line. But, needless to say we, scarfed those puppies down whilst watching Jitter's Freaks and Geeks DVD and drifting off to sleep, where of course I am a viking! Well, that was the Friday recap (although it did technically go over into Saturday, if you want to be a dick about it).

Saturday, September 9, 2006:
Saturday moring was not, how shall we say, pretty.But we did find a diamond in the rough. The LaSalle student run television station, LaSalle 56. I think we seriously watched this for about 8 hours, not really sure. It started with a spelling bee for student contestants featuring words that were tough for the average joe, like Qatar ( pronounced kAY-tar, I think). It was good fun. Then we caught quite possibly the best public or student access show I had ever had the privilege to watch. It was called How Many Idiots.... Now I am still trying to find footage from this show, but thus far to no avail. It was a little sketch type show and we were in stitches from the get go. After that was the Q&A marathon! A game show that features such segments as, "Hammer Time", where the first team to do the named dance correctly and more betterly would win the points or the segment where they had to sing a selected TV theme song to win the points. The star of this station is Ryan Barry. He is the co-host of Q&A and appears in How Many Idiots and he is a show stealer!

Well, after sitting around all day it was time to grab some grub. We headed to Abner's:

where I was told they had the best chicken cheese steaks around. And they were delicious! We also met up with Baxter here. I don't have any pictures, but he sort of looks like this guy:
From Abner's we were headed to the Victory Brewing Co. for a factory tour. We would be met there by Javen and TT, yippee!
The tour was both educational and entertaining. We stayed around and had a few brews to wet the whistle, as well as some sweet potato fries, which should be called sweet ass potato fries, mmmmm! Good times were had. If you've never had a Victory brew than what the hell is the matter with you?! Anyways they are suuuu-perb! Moving on.

We headed back to Jitter's pad to regroup, grab some Schaefer's and map out a gameplan for the evening. We went to a nice little watering hole where they had some delicious beers and Roast Beef sandwiches. Sort of like a Philly version of Clark's, except with tvs. We watched the Ohio State-Texas game and slowly the conversation turned to jerseys. We discussed what would be the ultimate jersey to have for each NFL team. Some of the winners include Karl Mecklenburg, Percy Snow, Tim Krumrie and John Hand. We also decided it would be sort of awesome if some dudes were seen together, each wearing a different Amp Lee jersey. Genius. After Ohio State drubbed the Longhorns we moved on, to the Bishop's Collar, not to be confused with the Bishop's Cellar. This was a one and done. But we were entertained while we were there, by the finding of a balloon and the playing of a little game called "Keep it Up". The rules were simple you had to keep the ballon "up" in the air. Annoying to the other patrons, enjoyable to us. We then moved on to a quaint little place where Bill and I were introduced to the game of "Scoff". All you need is beer and at least 3-4 idiots. We were in business. Here's how it works. There is a cup in the middle of the table. Everyone puts one finger on the rim and then you go around and count 1-2-3 and then a number equal to or less than the number of people playing. But here's the rub, when the counter says three everyone must pull or leave their respective digits on the cup. For instance if five people were playing I could say 1-2-3-2. Now if there were in fact two fingers remaining on the cup, I am out. If there is any amount of fingers other than two on there, then I am still in and the next person goes, until one is left and he or she is left to drink the middle cup. It's great fun at the bar and we even met some nice gentlemen who joined us. One, who told us of how he saw Mike Schmidt in LA, playing for the Dodgers, throw a guy out from right field. Now, to my knowledge Mike Schmidt never played right field or for the Dodgers. And it turns out that, I was correct as Schmidt was drafted by the Phillies and played every season with them. Drunk people are awesome! And soon enough, another day was in the books.

Sunday, September 10, 2006:
Sunday morning was rough:
But we had a big day ahead of us, as the NFL season was about to get going with a full slate of games! Jitter was giddy:

And Javen was ready too:
We were off to get some light disc golfing in before the games. So we stopped and picked up Baxter and headed to Sedgley Woods.

We couldn't get a full eighteen in, as kickoff was rapidly approaching and only Baxter had a jersey on! So we headed back to jersey up. Here's who was wearing what:
Bill: Mike Williams, Bills jersey
Jitter: Classic Brian Sipe Jersey, with nothing on the front.
Baxter: Brian Urlacher, Bears
Myself: Aaron Brooks, Saints
And of course Schmitty and Javen were, well, see for yourself:

Oh and of course, don't forget the hometown team represented by some dude:
That's right it's a real Ricky Soul jersey!
We also met Jitter's friend at the Blarney Stone, who was rockin a Steve Tasker jersey. Yep, you heard me. We signed up for the special which was some amount of money for all you can drink and all the wings you can eat and observed the most important rule they had:
If you can't quite read it, it says "No popped collars"
We were somewhat dang-itted when we realized we had to re-up for the four 'o' clock games. Nevertheless, still a good deal as we did some damage to their special, and our insides. Among the fans on hand, were a Titans fan, a couple of Seahawks fans, a Raiders fan and of course the Eagles contingency. Shortly after the second wave of games began, they pulled out the old NES for some Tecmo Super Bowl. Oh it waaassssssss beautiful.I edged out Javen, who was a little off his game, and then fell to Billyball. I'm not really very good at the game to begin with. Couple that with the fact that I hadn't played in ages and it wasn't looking good for me in the bar tourney later that evening. You see evryone drew a team from the hat, which is fine, but I drew the Arizona Cardinals. Let's just say, that despite a stellar defense featuring Freddie Jo Nunn, Ken Harvey and Randall "weee, wee, weee" Jax, I lost and leave it at that. Soon enough Billyball and I were on the road home, leaving this breathtaking weekend behind us. Although it still stays with us in spirit!

WEEK SIX: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF KITNA

Well as promised, an earlier look at the upcoming week's NFL games. But first a look at the updated standings in my ongoing battle with the MMQB and The Guy.

Last week's results in parentheses:
Bitterness: 40-34 (6-8)
The Guy: 34-40 (5-9)
MMQB: 32-42 (4-10)

And now, on with the show:


BILLS (2-3) @ LIONS (0-5): Well after getting buried by the Bears, there's nothing like seeing the Lions on the schedule. Until, you remember they have one, mister, Jon Kitna. Don't know if you know this but one of his hobbies is bible stories. That's what it says in his bio. I'm not kidding, nor do really know what that means, see for yourself. And who doesn't love a good bible story? Well not even hail mary play will save Kitna and the Lions this week as the Bills bounce back to .500 with a 23-17 victory.

TITANS (0-5) @ REDSKINS (2-3): The Titans are bad, but not as bad as they could be. Well record wise, they couldn't be any worse, but they played Indy tight and that should count for something. It doesn't, but it should. Look for good Brunell to show up and the 'Skins to win 14-6.

SEAHAWKS (3-1) @ RAMS (4-1): The Rams might be the quietest 4-1 in the league. I mean did anyone really notice that they are in first in the NFC West? Be honest. Now they beat Denver, in the Broncos, routine opening loss to make everyone think they're not that good game, but other than that they beat Arizona, Detroit and Green Bay. Not exactly the upper echelon of the NFL. Not to mention that their one loss came to the 49ers. Plus the Seahawks had two weeks to ponder what happened to them in Chicago a week ago Sunday Night. Seahawks bring the Rams back to earth and retake the division lead 31-17.

EAGLES (4-1) @ SAINTS (4-1): Am I the only one who sees just how good the Eagles really are? For the third straight week the Sports Guy has picked against the Eagles and for the third straight week they have covered. Just some food for thought, but with a name like the Sports Guy, maybe he should really have some knowledge of sports outside of Boston. Am I right? Too bad he doesn't have a friend who's an Eagles fans, all we'd here about is his friend Beans (yeah I've named the imaginary friend Beans) and how he always pulls out his Vai Sikahema jersey and talks about how this is the year in Philly. So I'm officially downgrading the sports guy to just The Guy. But I digress. The Eagles are good, and I don't know about anyone else, but I'm imagining a NFC Championship Game between the Eagles and Bears at Soldier Field in fog as thick as pudding. If they don't have fog I say just bring in fog machines and make it happen. Who's with me?! Oh yeah Eagles win again 24-13.

GIANTS (2-2) @ FALCONS (3-1): Well, in their bye week the Giants remembered how to play defense. How long will this last? Not long enough to beat the Falcons, as they fall behind the Redskins in the most overrated division in the NFL. Losing this one 13-12.

TEXANS (1-3) @ COWBOYS (2-2): On Monday Night Football they had their little Sportscenter in Game, 30 @ 30 thingamabobber and they reported that Drew Bledsoe is still the Cowboys starting quarterback. I thought they were supposed to report sports news? I don't want to tell the fine folks at ESPN how to do their job, but this is a non-story. If Tony Romo was announced as the starting QB, that, would be news. And while we are on the subject, I'm gonna ask something I've asked before, "What exactly has Tony Romo done to deserve such high praise?" I mean I love his food, no doubt, but his career numbers 0-0, o yds., o int. WOW! Eye popping. It's not as if Bledsoe is being backed up by some guy who as actually done something. I mean I could see if Mike Tomczak or even say, Cade McNown was holding the clipboard. Now, I'm not saying Tony Romo won't be good, I'm just saying all the hype and what-have-yous is unfounded as of yet. Oh yeah Cowboys roll 23-10.

BENGALS (3-1) @ BUCCANEERS (0-4): The Sports Guy said to never take a crappy quarterback (Bruce Gradkowski) on the road. Now this of course is a good rule of thumb, but how to he come the decision that B-Grad, a fromer Toledo Rocket by the by, was a crappy QB? Funny, because "Bitterness" said he'd play well and was a very decent replacement to Chris "Short one spleen" Simms. Well you know what happened? Um, that's right, just as I had predicted B-Grad was a solid 20-31, 225, 2TDs and no picks. Oh and Sports Guy, p.s., the Bucs covered, biatch! Sadly for B-Grad, much like the Seahawks, the Bengals, who looked more like the Bungles of yore in their last game, and had two weeks to let a bigtime loss ruminate. That, is of course if bigtime losses can, in fact, ruminate. Bengals win 28-17.

PANTHERS (3-2) @ RAVENS (4-1): The Panthers win streak will be put to the test at historic M&T Bank Stadium on Sunday and I gotta say, it don't look good. Hey what happened to all that glorifying of Steve McNair, huh? Hard to belive the same guy that willed his team to a comeback victory against a potent Browns team, didn't get it done against the Broncos. I for one am dumbfounded. That was sarcasm, for those who didn't know. Sometimes it's hard to convey in writing. Well the Ravens defense will win yet another, as the Panthers fall back to five hunny. Ravens win 14-9.

CHARGERS (3-1) @ 49ERS (2-3): Not a lot to say about this one. The 49ers have potential, but the Chargers have Ladanian Tomlinson, who I will now refer to as "Hooch". And I think you know why. That's right pair him with fellow running back Michael Turner and the Chargers have a running tandem that they can dub Turner and Hooch. Chargers ride Turner and Hooch to victory, 27-15.



DOLPHINS (1-4) @ JETS (2-3): This would be a tougher game for me to call if the Dolphins didn't stink so much. Well I was dead on with at least one prediction last week, the Harrington era began in New England. That's unofficial of course. Word on the street is Nick Saban is seeing what Scott Mitchell is up to. Jets take it 24-14.

CHIEFS (2-2) @ STEELERS (1-3): I guess we were all wrong about how good the Steelers are. Oh, wait! I was dead on about how overrated the Steelers are. But enough gloating. The Chiefs have performed admirably with Damon "Stop calling me Brock, that's not my name" Huard, but I don't feel they'll be able to muster enough for a victory at the ketchup packet. Steelers win 21-13.

RAIDERS (0-4) @ BRONCOS(3-1): I was just thinking to myself this past week, "Wow, NBC has picked some pretty good matchups for the Sunday night games. Including that Bears-Seahawks debacle, which did look good on paper, before we all realized the Bears were for real." Then I saw this week's Sunday's matchup, and threw up in my mouth a little. (I was trashing The Guy so much I thought I would use one of his classic phrases. But, don't worry, that's the last of, it I won't go into some long-winded tangent about Vegas, Rounders or House.) Not only do I have a general disdain for both these teams, but it's a terrible matchup. I realize that it is a big rivalry, but was anyone high on the Raiders going into the season? Were they looking at the schedule and trying to find a place to get Oakland on the air? I'd rather have the Dolphins-Jets game on, I mean C'MON! Broncos win in a romp I guess.....28-6.

BEARS (5-0) @ CARDINALS (1-4): If you thought the Sunday nighter was bad, get a load of this matchup. The high-powered Cardinals offense gets a taste of the national spotlight. Unfortuately, they are up against possibly the best team in the NFL right now and not even the legendary Neil Lomax could save them now. But here's something for Tony Kornheiser to discuss during the game. Apparently Pink Taco is looking to get their name on the new state-of-the-art stadium. That'll be intimdating, having to play in the Pink Taco. But now they can chat with Lindsay Lohan during the game, as she has been tied to Harry Morton, the brains behind the Pink Taco. It's all gold really. Oh yeah Bears roll 35-13

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

WEEK FIVE: KITNA RELOADED

Well let me first just say, last week was not pleasant. Weak Four as I like to call it was not a good one for the "Bitterness" staff. Luckily I would not lose too much ground to my fellow prognosticators. Here are the your up to the week standings with the Weak Four record in parentheses:

Bitterness: 34-26 (5-9)
Sports Gay, er Guy: 29-31 (6-8)
Peter King: 28-32 (8-6)

You know it's a bad week when the Monday Morning Quarterback outpicks the field. One burning question I hav is what does the Sports Guy have against the Eagles? He didn't pick them to cover against San Francisco or Green Bay! Too more or less bad football teams. I mean I know they blew that game against the G-Men, but has he not noticed how balanced the Eagles have been? Anyways, I would like to take this moment to let everyone, especially my good friend javen know that I will make a concerted effort to post this earlier in the week so as to help my readers with office pools. That being said, here we go:

BUCCANEERS @ SAINTS: Does anyone else remember when Mike Alstott was such a big deal? You don't hear much about him this day, as if he disappaered inot thin air! But I looked into it, and, sure enough he is still on Tampa Bay. Good for him. Oh, yeah the "pick". Well oddly enough I don't think the Bucs lose a lot with Bruce Gradkowski. He is from the MAC, which should be enough said, but I'll go on to say that he is being touted as the next Rich Gannon. And you might remember that Jon Gruden did pretty well with Gannon's cannon at the helm. But I wonder if anyone will really try and beat the Saints at home. It seems almost sacrilegious, don't it. I think the Bucs fight the jambalaya voodoo and B-Grad puts one in the win column 21-18.

BROWNS @ PANTHERS: The Brownies, ummmmm, brownies, are feisty that is for danged sure. But I think Carolina is starting to roll, ummmmm rooollllll.....um, and that should carry over to this week. although this has upset written all over it, I'm takin' the cats 28-21.

TITANS @ COLTS: Tony Dungy cannot be pleased with the squeaker his squad oulled out in the Meadowlands, so you the Colts will be revved up for this classic AFC South rivalry. Somehow I don't see the Titans playing them as close as the Jets, Colts cruise 77-3.


RAMS @ PACKERS: This one reckons to be a good ol' fashioned shootout at Lambeau. And you know what you need to win a good ol' fashioned shootout? That's right a gunslinger with a love, no, a passion for the game. Brett Favre, in case you've been under a rock and haven't listened to any NFL games, highlight shows, etc. is just that gunslinger! This will be an angry cockfight in the Cheese State, and the Packers will take it 31-28.

BILLS @ BEARS: Buffalo has a very good defense. The Bears, however, have a very, very, very, very good defense. If the Bears win this one it looks like smooth sailng to 8-0, which pretty much insures, barring a collapse of epic proportions, will make the playoffs. I'm sure Dick Jauron would like nothing better than to return to his old stomping grounds and upend the Bears, but I don't see it happening. I also don't see the Bears dominating the Billsies like they did the Seahawks, they win 11-0.

DOLPHINS @ PATRIOTS: Daunte Culpepper spells his name funny, and is playing downright awful! I look for the Pats to "Theismann" him and usher in the Joey Harrington era in Miami. Pats win 21-13.

LIONS @ VIKINGS: Another solid week for Kitna, but a win is just not in the cards. Vikings win it. 21-17.

REDSKINS @ GIANTS: Is the Redskins offense actually for real? I couldn't tell after they beat up on the staunch Texans defense, but the Jags "D" is pretty good right? I don't really know what to make of this one. Tom "turn and" Coughlin has had two weeks to "prepare" and forget about that disaster in Seattle, but the 'Skins have momentum. So ya know what I figured someone will win by a field goal and I flipped a coin and therefore I pick the Redskins to win 37-35, as Shockey drops the potential game tying two point conversion.

CHIEFS @ CARDINALS: Dear Damon "don't call me Brock" Huard, I apologize for not giving you enough credit. It was against the Niners though, ya gotta give me that, right? Well the Cardinals aren't much better, so the Chiefs will roll again 35-21.

JETS @ JAGUARS: Well, this is another tough pick. The Jaguars are very decent and the Jets have proven much better than I thought. I feel the Jets are that team that'll be right in every game but will continually make that one mistake that costs them the game. I take the Jags in a squeaker 10-7.

RAIDERS @ 49ERS: Yuck! Well I'm about 96% sure I will never pick the Raiders to win a game, no matter how close they come to a win. 49ers 28-16.

COWBOYS @ EAGLES: Contrary to what you may have heard from all the pre-game hype, the whole Cowboys team will be playing this game and not just Terrell Owens. Amidst T.O. getting barraged with pills, pill containers and suicide suggestions, there will be a pretty decent football game being played. I think the Eagles are for real and will make a big statement in the division with a 27-17 win.

STEELERS @ CHARGERS: Well Philip Rivers didn't fare all that well in his first test against the Ravens, but the Chargers were right in it. For cryin out loud Schottenheimer go for the jugular! Don't just sit on the ball when you have a lead! Both teams have a good defense, and I think it'll come down to the running game. I'll go with Ladanian Tomlinson all day. Chargers 16-14.

RAVENS @ BRONCOS: Why is everyone so high on Steve McNair? Is it because he's gone this long without breaking? I mean really he's played well for about 3-5 minutes of the last two games. If it weren't for a stellar defense they'd have at least two losses. I think he takes his first loss of the season at the hands of Jake "The Snake" Plummer, not Roberts, and the Broncos 13-12.

And to show it's not all bad in Oakland, we present The Raiderettes:Remember to control the pet population, have your animals spayed and neutered!