ARE YOU PREPARED FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!

Yeah, the legal department informs me that we can't use, "Are you ready for some football?!" without express written consent of MNF. Apparently our implied oral consent will not hold up in a court of law? Not even a kangaroo court! Anyway, I'm sure my five loyal readers are wondering where their "Bitterness" has been over the past few months. Well, we were contemplating retiring from blogging. Hanging up the old laptop to spend more time with my family. But, after much consternation, hemming and hawing, I've decided I've still got some good blog posts left in me, by gum! Okay, now that, that's taken care of, onto the NFL preview!

I am gonna level with you all, I have not kept up much with what's been happening in the NFL off-season, so take these predictions, which are normally spot on, with a grains of salt. In fact, why don't you put those grains around the rim of a glass, pour a margarita in there, and celebrate the waning of summertime! Huzzah!

NFC EAST
The NFC East looks like it will once again be an angry cockfight! It seems the 'Skins have made some big upgrades, mostly in the coaching department, but they are after all, the Redskins, so unlike the esteemed Mr. Ross Tucker, I just can't pick them to win the division. Don't get me wrong, Donovan McNabb is still pretty good, but even if- and it is a sizable "IF"- he does stay healthy, I just don't see him leading this team to the promised land, and sorry 'Skins fans, but Gus Frerotte is not walking through that door! Well, actually, I wouldn't rule that out. Anyway, I still think this is the Cowboy's division to win. Yeah, I said it! What?! I'm never confident in the Iggles, and they are even more of a question mark this year with Kevin "Corn on the" Kolb at the helm of the offense. Meanwhile, the Giants should hang with the 'Boys until the bitter end, or week 15, whichever comes first.

Predicted standings:
Cowboys 11-5
Giants 10-6
Redskins 8-8
Eagles 8-8

NFC NORTH
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the NFC Norris division will come down to the Packers and the Vikings. Sure, the Bears will somehow be in the mix throughout, but let's face it, Jay Cutler is, well, Jay Cutler. Not to knock Jay Cutler or anything. Okay, I guess I am absolutely knocking Jay Cutler. It's not that Jay-C isn't a good QB, he's just not great. I just don't feel he can keep his head on a swivel, when it counts, that's all! Part of it, is the media made him out to be more than what he was, when he signed with Da Bears last year, and that irks me! Wow, wasn't planning on such a big Jay Cutler tangent there. Moving on! A lot of people are high on the Pack this year, and with good reason, sure. But it seems that the Packers underachieve way to often for my liking. Sure I still think they'll edge out the aging gunslinger and the Vikes for the division crown, but not sure if they're ready to move into the echelon of the elite just yet. And of course, the Lions still have reservations at the hot new restaurant, The NFC North Basement, but could be the feistiest they've been in, well, a long time.

Predicted Standings
Packers 10-6
Vikings 9-7
Bears 7-9
Lions 5-11

NFC SOUTH
Well, if you are any sort of fan of the NFL, you probably already know, no team has ever won back-to-back NFC South titles. And you probably already know that for the past seven years, the team finishing last in the NFC South the previous year, has made the playoffs. Well, that all ends this year! Boom! I know, does not sound like a very bold prediction, but the Falcons are pretty good and Matty Ice has another year of experience under his belt, so the Dirty Birds could overtake the Saints. They won't, but they could. As for the Bucs making the playoffs? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that is rich! Now stranger things have happened, but this one is out there, for sure! HAHAHAHAHA! Bucs making the playoffs! I've got a better chance of signing on as their 3rd string QB, than they have of making the playoffs! BUCS IN THE PLAYOFFS?! AHAHAHHAHAHA! Oh, okay, sorry, gotta bit carried away there. So yeah, Saints will fend off the Falcons and capture another NFC South title.

Predicted Standings:
Saints 12-4
Falcons 11-5
Panthers 5-11
Buccaneers 2-14

NFC WEST
Alex Smith, Sam Bradford, Derek Anderson, Matt Hasselback. These are your NFC West quarterbacks. The NFC West has got to be the worst division in football. That being sad, it has been worse, but not by much. To me, this is the Niners division to take. Each of the four teams in the division have major question marks, though. Is Alex Smith actually ready to be consistent and lead? Will Matt Hasselback stay healthy? Can Pete Carrol actually have success in the NFL? Derek Anderson? Really? And well the Rams are just a big question mark in general right now.

Predicted Standings:
49ers 9-7
Cardinals 7-9
Seahawks 4-12
Rams 3-13

AFC EAST
The Jets have the Hardknocks curse looming large, the Patriots have a lack of pass rush and a young secondary, the Dolphins have a somewhat inexperienced QB, and the Bills, well, it's gonna be a long season for the Bills. The Jets also have to be wondering what they'll get from Mark Sanchez in his second season. Will teams respect his arm enough to not gang up on the run? I'm not convinced they will, but they should still have a heck of a good defense. Then, there's the Patriots. Every year it seems, they are on the way out, but could this be the year, where they drop another peg and Belichik gets a piece of humble pie? Well, they were terrible in the third, and supposedly most important, preseason game against the Rams. THE RAMS! Now it was JUST a preseason game, but the way Belichik reacted you'd think they just lost a playoff game or something. But who knows, maybe that was just a Belichik ploy?

Predicted standings:
Jets 10-6
Patriots 10-6
Dolphins 9-7
Bills 3-12

AFC NORTH
The North seems like it's Baltimore's to lose. However their defense is not quite as potent as it once was. Don't get me wrong, it's still a darn good defense, just not as good as everyone seems to think. But they should be able to pull out a division title, and a good playoff run. The Bengals are leading the league in players who have had their own VH-1 reality show. Can the big personalities of T.O. and Ochocinco coexist in perfect harmony? If they can do that and Carson Palmer can return close to form, the Bengals should have a pretty darned decent chance at keeping pace with the Ravens. The Steelers are the wild card in all this. It'll all depend on what they can accomplish in the four weeks without Big Ben. The Browns could prove feisty as well, as they did finish last season on a high note. But they're still not quite "there" yet, I think.

Predicted standings
Ravens 12-4
Bengals 10-6
Steelers 8-8
Browns 6-10

AFC SOUTH
Seemed like last year a lot of people thought the Colts would be on some sort of downswing. All they did, was start 14-0 and head to another Super Bowl. Some downswing. While they have some O-line questions, the AFC South is still their's to lose. The Titans should be tough, but it'll all really depend on what VY does, if they want to actually compete for the AFC South crown. A lot of people are high on the Texans, but I think a lot of those people may just be high. The Texans have been a trendy pick for what seems like the last decade, so forgive me if I'm not entirely sold on the Kubiak Kids. And the Jaguars are just a mess. MJD is money in the bank, but they have more question marks than the Riddler, littering the rest of their roster.

Predicted standings:
Colts 13-3
Titans 10-6
Texans 9-7
Jaguars 4-12

AFC WEST
The Chargers are still the class of the west, but supposedly the rest of the division is on the rise. But the Chargers should not worry too much about that as all the team's are still a ways off. For some reason the Raiders are suddenly the trendy pick? I personally don't get it and will believe it when I see it. It is really a big testament to how putrid JaMarcus Russel was at QB, that Jason Campbell makes their offense 20 times better. I mean, it is only Jason Campbell folks, let's simmer down a bit. The Chieves brought in Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel (sound familiar), but I wouldn't expect the Chieves to be the Pats circa 2001, just yet. Not until Matt Cassel can really show something anyway. The Broncos played over their heads last year, but could pull off a few upsets here and there. Me thinks Josh McD's suad peaked with last year's fast start, but they have Tim Tebow, which should be interesting, at least?

Predicted Standings
Chargers 12-4
Broncos 8-8
Raiders 7-9
Chieves 6-10

Alright, so there are your predicted division standings, here are your Wild Card teams: Bengals, Patriots, Falcons, Giants

AFC Champion- Ravens. I did not want to pick them, but figure it'll either be them or Indy, and I just don't see Indy returning, not sure why? I also considered the Bengals, but they need to win a playoff game under Marvin Lewis, before I can really believe in them.

NFC Champion- Falcons. I am just really high on the Falcons. A lot of people are saying the Packers, which is primarily why I did not pick them. That and the fact they still need to prove themselves a bit more to me. I think the NFC playoffs could be wide open. Heck, I wouldn't even be completely stunned to see the Niners in Dallas! Sorry for ruining your season by picking you Falcons, but that's how the cookie crumbles?

Super Bowl Champions- Ravens

MVP- Was gonna go with the boring choice and flip a coin between Peyton Manning and Drew Brees, but what the heck fun is that? So, I'm going with (drum roll please)......Ray Rice. Not a complete dark horse, but I wouldn't see him as a favorite, maybe?

AFC Offensive Player of the Year- Peyton Manning, IND
NFC Offensive Player of the Year- Eli Manning, NYG. JUST KIDDING! HAHA! Aaron Rodgers, GB

AFC Defensive Player of the Year- Darelle Revis, NYJ
NFC Defensive Player of the Year- Marcus Spears, DAL

AFC Offensive Rookie of the Year- CJ Spiller, BUF
NFC Offensive Rookie of the Year- Mike Williams, TB (Orange represent?)

AFC Defensive Rookie of the Year- I really have no clue.
NFC Defensive Rookie of the Year- That Suh fella?

Well that conclude the "Bitterness" NFL preview. Enjoy the season! Huzzah!