WEEK FOUR: KITNA'S REVENGE!

Well, well, well! Week three was a humdinger. Not to be confused with Broncos assistant head coach, Mike Hiemerdinger. I added another game on the Sports Guy and 4 on the Monday Morning Quarterback himself, Peter King. And in the category of,"What were you thinking?", both the MMQ and the SG picking the Texans to cover. I mean honestly, the Texans? Did you gents forget what decade you were in when you saw Houston as a four point underdog? Possibly thinking that Warren Moon could put up big numbers if he just stayed away from Darrell Green? I mean, for pete's sake the Skins were only favored by four. I know they've struggled, but the Texans have given up close to a thousand yards of offense in just two games. Granted that was against Donovan McNabb and Peyton Manning, but at what point in all this did the Houston defense look like it even had a pulse? Oh and also the Sports Guy picked the 49ers to cover the spread against the Eagles. The spread was a mere 6, C'MON!
Here are your up to the week standings:

"Bitterness"- 29-17
"Sports Guy"- 23-23
" MMQB"- 20-26

You may have noticed that I took the tie off the board. I was originally scoring a game, where the spread was hit right on the nose, as a tie. But then I figured, that since if you bet on that game, and the spread was hit exactly, you would lose your money, it should be scored as a loss. However since I make my picks without even looking at the spread (I think Mr. King may be in the same boat) that it is possible to predict a point differential that is equal to the point spread. Case and point: In week three the Bears were favored by three points against Minnesota. I predicted the Bears would win by exactly 3. So really this would be a loss if they didn't win by that margin exactly (they did however, so I gave myself a win). But since PK and myself pick without the spreads in mind, this could be a regular occurrence, sooooooooo...with that in mind, if we pick a score that would be the exact spread, I will default it to the favorite. So if they win by the spread or more that will count as a win. Is your head spinning too? Well enough of that rambling on to the picks:

Cardinals (1-2) @ Falcons (2-1)- Warner. Leinart. Warner. Pick a QB already! Well personally I say go with Leinart, and not just cause he's on two of my fantasy teams, I can ride Kitna to the promised land, but because, well, what do you have to lose? Really? I mean, if I'm Denny Green I gotta think, "What the hay? My job's probably in jeopardy and Kurt Warner is producing more turnovers than the bakery down the street!" I mean what's the worst case scenario? The Cardinals lose a bunch a games? HELL-O! It's Arizona, they're used to it! Well the Falcons, I'm sure could care less who the starting QB is, after their "effort" in the Big Easy they'll be looking to take out some aggression on the Cards and will roll 31-14

Cowboys (1-1) @ Titans (0-3)- Terrell Owens is still alive and apparently didn't try to kill himself. I know, I was bummed too. If Owens doesn't play, he will be with Jerry Jones in Tennessee during the game as he drew the short straw and will be on T.O. suicide watch during the game. Oh come one, it's T.O., I can make fun of that. Bahhhh! On to the actual game. The Titans were able to stymie the offensive juggernaut that is the Miami Dolphins, last week. Despite that, I think the Cowboys win it, with or without Owens 31-14.

Colts (3-0) @ Jets (2-1)- I gotta give Eric Mangini and the Jets (not to be confused with Benny and the Jets) credit, they are not nearly as bad as I thought they would be. But really it would have been very hard for them to be that bad, I guess. That being said the Colts are as good as I thought they would be and I don't see any reason fro them to not stay undefeated after this old school AFC East rematch. Colts improve to 2-0 in the Meadowlands this season 31-21.

Dolphins (1-2) @ Texans (0-3)-Once again I fell into the trap of the preseason hype for a Duante Culpepper led team. You would have thought I'd learned my lesson last year after I picked the Vikings to get to the Super Bowl. But, NOOOOOOOO! I thought the Dolphins would be passable and a playoff contender. Well right now they're not either. I don't even think escaping the mighty Titans by only three points should even count as a win. Unfortunately the NFL disagrees with me there and they'll still get credit for a win. But the Dolphins should be able to seemingly show some signs of life against the Texans. I mean they made Mark Brunell look like Phil Simms for crying out loud! Dolphins win 24-12

Vikings (2-1) @ Bills (1-2)- The Vikings haven't shown they can put a lot of points on the board and the Bills have a stingy defense, so this should be close and low scoring. The big difference in this game will be the play of the QBs, Brad Johnson and J.P. Losman. And unfortunately for Bills fans it will be age before beauty as the Vikes eke one out a win in the City of Good Neighbors 16-13

Saints (2-0) @ Panthers (1-2)- Well, I'm not gonna lie, I did think this would be a battle of an undefeated and a 1-2 team, just the shoes were on the other feet. I mean, who'da thunk the Saints would be the one's marching into (this will be the last, "Saints go marching..." joke for awhile, I promise) this matchup with the undefeated record? Maaaaaaaayyyyybe Vaughan Dunbar (to your right), but that's about it! Well the fairy tale ends here, as the Panthers knock the Saints from the ranks of the unbeaten 24-18

Chargers (2-0) @ Ravens (3-0)- The Chargers have been on sort of an extended preseason, facing the likes of Oakland and Tennessee in the first two weeks. So now it's really time to see what Philip Rivers is made of. The Ravens will keep the young QB busy all day, but I think having LT as a safety valve will be all the help Rivers will need to defeat the Ravens 17-11

49ers (1-2) @ Chiefs (0-2)- This was a tough one to pick, I'll tell ya what! The Niners have shown signs of life, and the Chiefs have Damon "Don't call me Brock" Huard (pictured, with with brother Brock to the right) behind center. The Arrowhead fans and an unexpectedly decent defense should help out a little to rattle Alex Smith and the Niners, while offensively look for Larry Johnson to get about 85 carries en route to a 13-12 win over San Fran.

Lions (0-3) @ Rams (2-1)- Kitna is gonna carve up the Ram secondary like a Thanksgiving dinner turkey! The Rams barely escaped Arizona with a win as it turns out Arizona wanted to lose even more than St. Louis. Kitna has been Kitna and this week will be more of the same in my upset special as the Lions win their first game 21-17.

Browns (0-3) @ Raiders (0-2)- Let's just say I'm probably gonna pick the Raiders to lose every week. I mean they don't have a passing game, a running game, a defense or good special teams. The best thing they got going for them is Art Shell, and well, that's not gonna quite gonna be enough. Charlie and his Frye Guys head into the Black Hole and steal a win, 23-9

Jaguars (2-1) @ Redskins (1-2)- Tough to say the 'Skins offense is really "clicking" now, under Al Saunders, after their big triumph in Houston. It was Houston after all. Sorry Texans fans, but, c'mon. My guess is they are not gonna put up the same numbers against the Jags "D" as they did against Houston. The Jags will capture the road victory 17-6.

Patriots (2-1) @ Bengals (3-0)- Let's just say, right now the Bengals are a much better football team. Has Bill Belichik gotten a bit to big for his britches? I just want to go into the Pats front office and let them know it's okay to spend money and resign players! Aaaarrrrrghhhhhhhh! Watch for the much anticipated five Tight End Set in this one with Daniel Graham, Ben Watson, Mike Vrabel, Ben Coates and Marv Cook lined up together. Bengals take it 21-13.

Seahawks (3-0) @ Bears (3-0)- The big Sunday night game in the windy city should be a doozy. But it looks like no Shaun Alexander and I don't know if they have had enough time to get Derrick Fenner game ready, so I gotta say I like da Bears chances. With Alexander I still don't know that I would have the 'Hawks winning. The Bears "D" is good and it'll help 'em win it 13-12.

Packers (1-2) @ Eagles (2-1)- The Eagles must be liking this early season schedule that has them playing Houston, San Fran and Green Bay in three of the first four games. This should be very similar to last week's game in the San Fran,as the Eagles soar 38-21.

Well there you have it a look at week four, good night and good luck!

FINE, WE'LL PUT IN TONY ROMO

Here is some "Bitterness" breaking news out of Dallas: Terrell Owens has reportedly tryed to kill himself. Owens said he was depressed, and why wouldn't he be? He gets paid millions of dollars a year to play the game he "loves", run off at the mouth and be one of the most overrated recievers there is. I'm depressed just thinking about it right now! All those "antics" and touchdown celebrations were an obvious cry for help and no one saw it. Of course, the real story is, two more pills would have killed him, but when his "friend" at the scene tossed them to him, his old alligator arms couldn't reel them in and they went down the drain. The rumors that this friend was Jeff Garcia have neither been confirmed nor denied. All in all it seems like a bit much to get a quarterback change. The Cowboys will hold a press conference today to most likely announce that they will hand over the offensive reins in "Big D" to Tony Romo once Owens is able to return. Saying that Owens needn't have been so dramatic over the whole thing. If he had wanted Romo in there all he had to do was ask. I think I can speak for most of my readers when I say, better luck next time T.O.! And now a look back at the signs of depression that we all chose to ignore:

Loss of energy:



Decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate:


Decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities:


Constant feelings of sadness,


irritability,


and tension:
And of course the biggest sign of all...wearing funny, often times plaid, sport coats:



All the signs were there and we didn't even see them. From the bottom of my heart Terrell, I apologize for all of us and once again I say better luck next time. This has been a "Bitterness" breaking news bulletin.

PUT DOWN THE POTATOES, HERE COMES THE MEAT!

Woooooooo! Well week two was very, very good to me. As I went a strong 12-3-1 against the spread, putting a little distance between me and my opponents, Mr. King and Mr. Simmons. Oddly enough they tied each other for the second straight weekend, both going 8-7-1. So here are your up to the week standings:

"Bitterness": 20-11-1
Peter King : 15-16-1
Sports Guy : 15-16-1

Week three looks to be the best week of games so far in my opinion. 11 of the 14 games feature teams with identical records. We'll lose at least three of the ubeatens this week, while four teams will get their first wins. Not to mention big division battles in Indy, Buffalo, Detroit, Minnesota, Tampa, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Arizona and New Orleans. So here's a look at week three, where the Raiders will somehow still manage to lose as Art Shell continues to wonder what he was thinking:

Jets (1-1) @ Bills (1-1)- A big division battle early in the season. Neither team seems to be as bad as most people thought. They do have a common opponent, in the division leading Patriots. Both teams lost their games against New England, but the Bills, in my opinion, played them a little stronger. The Bills take this one 9-7.

Jaguars (2-0) @ Colts (2-0)- A Showdown in the South, the AFC South that is, because the only thing Indy is south of is Canada. The Jags "D" has been impressive, BUT the Colts offense is a little more potent than the Cowboys or the Steelers. I don't want to take anything away from the Jaguars, they stymied the Steelers offense on Monday Night in impressive fashion, BUT, the Steelers are a bit overrated I feel. The Jaguars will contain the Colts offense, but not quite enough as they fall in Indy 14-10.

Titans (0-2) @ Dolphins (0-2)- The Billy Volek era is officially over in Tennessee. Honestly, Titans, how bad could he have been? Well now they've got a quarterback by committee thing goin' on. How can that fail? Kerry Collins and an unproven rookie? C'MON! Anyways it's more, losing, by committee for the Titans, as even Duante Culpepper can't screw this one up. Dolphins roll 27-9

Packers (0-2) @ Lions (0-2)- For years I've been touting Kitna as the poor man's Brett Favre. Nowadays Brett Favre seems more and more likely to play like a poor version of himself. Did that make sense? Well this could be reminiscent of that 1993 Wild Card battle in the Silverdome, with a little more scoring. Well there's a pretty good chance that one of these teams will walk away with their first win of the season, and I think it to be the Lions, 51-48. Kitna is ecstatic (see picture)!

Redskins (0-2) @ Texans (0-2)- The Redskins offense has been, well, not good. Luckily the NFL has just the cure for an ailing offense...the Texans. Al Saunders will get to make the offense click and the 'Skins end up with a season split in the Lone Star state, beating the Texans 31-12

Bears (2-0) @ Vikings (2-0)- Well here it is. Bears. Vikings. Undefeated. First place on the line in the NFC North. Well this one should be a dandy, as the Bears get their first little test of the season after what seemed like an extended preseason. Time to find out if sexy Rexy is for real. This'll be a low scoring affair, but the Bears defense is just too darned good for the Vikings and the Bears edge 'em out 13-10

Panthers (0-2) @ Buccaneers (0-2)- The season hasn't started off the way either of these teams hoped it would as they both look to leave the ranks of the winless. Chris Simms has looked more like Molly Sims(to your right) than his pa. That is to say he has played like Molly Sims, not loooked like her, because if he looked like her the Bucs would never be able to concentrate. Another subpar performance from Baby Simms and they'll be calling for Bruce Gradkowski in Tampa. The Panthers should win this one, barring any crazy pass back, lateral plays deep in their own territory. Carolina takes it 18-13.

Bengals (2-0) @ Steelers (1-1)- This is a big one. Carson Palmer gets his first crack at the team that ended his season last January. The Ketchup Packet will be hopping and the Terrible Towels will be out in full force, but I think the Bengals will pull this one out 24-20

Ravens (2-0) @ Browns (0-2)- Old Browns versus new Browns. Well I'm guessing the Ravens and Art Modell don't get the warmest of welcomes to the Forest City. The new Browns are 4-8 against the Ravens lifetime, and it doesn't look that'll improve anytime soon. I guess it's out of the question to allow the Ravens to wear retro Browns jerseys so both teams would be wearing Browns jerseys, especially in Cleveland. Maybe when they play in Baltimore. Ravens over the Browns 28-10.

Rams (1-1) @ Cardinals (1-1)- Well right after the battle of two teams that have called Cleveland home, this matches St.Louis' current NFL team against the team that used to call St. Louis home. The Rams defense has been better than expected. But without Todd Lyght that secondary is just that,...light. But Jim Haslett has them playing well and they will get tested by this upstart Cardinals team. In fact, I like the Cards to stay undefeated in their cushy new home and win this one in a shootout 38-35.

Eagles (1-1) @ 49ers (1-1)- The 49ers are coming off the high of a big win last week, while the Eagles are looking to rebound from last week's collapse against the Giants. McNabb has been phenomenal and that shouldn't change this week. The 49ers win streak ends at 1. Eagles dominate 38-13.

Giants (1-1) @ Seahawks (2-0)- When these two teams met last year in made for quite a game as the Giants shot themselves in the foot with too many penalties and some field goal trouble, that led to an SNL sketch featuring Dane Cook as Jay Feely. Well the good news for Jay Feely is it won't come down to his foot. Seahawks take it 28-20.

Broncos (1-1) @ Patriots (2-0)- The Patriots finally looked dominant for about three quarters of football in the Meadowlands on Sunday, before letting the Jets back in the ballgame. Put together a full game and they will win, as Jay Cutler inches even closer to that starting QB spot. Patriots win 23-17.

Falcons (2-0) @ Saints (2-0)- The first NFL game in N'orlins since Katrina, so you know this will be an event. And the Saints are undefeated to boot. Going 2-0 to start a season for the first time in franchise history. Which means, a win would give them their first 3-0 start in frnachise history. This game will be a lot closer than many think and it's hard to pick against the feelgood story of the year in the NFL, but the Falcons will swoop in and take over sole possession of first place in the AFC South, with a 22-14 win, as we welcome football back to the Big Easy.

So there ya have it, your week three preview. Hope you enjoyed and good luck with whatever it is you're doing.

PROGNOSTICATION, BA-BY!

Well week one was full of ups, downs and of course what-have-yous. As far as picking the winners straight-up I went 7-9. But against the spread I was a much, much, muuuuuuch better at 8-8. Well to make every exciting week of NFL football just that much more exciting I will be competing against SI's Peter King, and ESPN Page 2's Sports Guy. In week one it was a tight race but I took the early season lead.




Here's how the standings look after Week One (against the spread of course:

The Bitter One (more specifically me): 8-8
Peter King: 7-9
Sports Guy: 7-9

So on that note, here are my thoughts for week 2:

Buffalo @ Miami- Well we're not gonna discuss last week's Bills game. Mainly because Bills fans make up at least 22% of my readership. Now, while I still don't think Miami is overrated (even though I did pick them to make the playoffs), the Bills don't fair well in the heat so I'm gonna go with the "Fish" in this one. 23-21.

Carolina @ Minnesota- Well the Panthers did not look good last week against the Falcons, so they'll be hungry. And we all know what Panthers like to eat when they're hungry. That's right.....Vikings. It's Carolina on the road 21-20

Cleveland @ Cincinnati- The good news for Browns fans is they didn't look gawd awful in week one. The bad news: They were playing the Saints and not the Bengals. Look for Carson "Heisman" Palmer to light up the scoreboard as the Bengals are on the prowl! Cincy 34-17

Detroit @ Chigago- The Bears defense is good, darn good! That's right folks even, good enough to stop the mighty, mighty Kitna. In fact there's a solid chance the Lions could head into week three without an offensive touchdown. Da Bears roll 27-9.

Houston @ Indianapolis- Well the Texans scored very early last week to take a 7-0 lead on the Eagles. It was all downhill from there. I think it's about time Gary "Kub eat now" Kubiak pulled out the old Wishbone offense now that he has Gado and Ron "Great" Dayne. I'm just sayin' Gar', what can it hurt? They have other backs as well, I know it takes three to wishbone. The Colts find the Texans to be not quite as good as the G-Men and win it in a romp 42-12

New York Giants @ Philadelphia- This should be a dandy, that is for sure. It's tough to gage any team's worth after just one game, especially when that one game was against the Texans. The Eagles are at home which will give them a slight edge, but not enough as an edge as the Giants win their first game of the season 23-21, as David Akers misses a last second field goal that would have won it.

New Orleans @ Green Bay- Poor, poor Brett Favre. It's gonna be a long season in the land of beer and cheese. But on the brightside they ARE in the land of beer and cheese, a fine place to drown your sorrows, for sure. That's right the Saints go marching into Green Bay a snag a road victory 17-16, to become 2-0. The Saints 2-0! You heard it here first!

Oakland @ Baltimore- Well the Raiders are not good. This is a team I may have overestimated just a teenie-tiny bit. It may not be long before Aaron Brooks is holding the clipboard for Andrew Walter, who will in turn will be holding it for Jeff George, who will in the end be holding the clipboard for Ken Walter. I mean did anyone see Art Shell on Monday? He looked highly unexcited to be there. Did he lose some asinine bet to Al Davis or something? Well the Ravens roll, 24-3 and at half time Ray Lewis eats a live Raiders fan. That's just good family fun.

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta- Well the obvious choice is to pick the Falcons after they steam rolled the Panthers last week, but all I hear is Gruden will have a tenacious gameplan ready and Jon Abraham and Jessie Tuggle might not play. But for some reason I still think the Falcons win this one, even though they could very well end up being the most inconsistent team in the league. I'm goin' Falcons, baby! 13-10

New England @ New York Jets- Well I must first apologize to the Jets. They were not as bad as I thought. But before you Jets fans out there get too cocky, you're still not very good. Well I'm guaranteeing that Chad Pennington does not throw 319 yards against the Patriots. The Pats could be set to have another one of those seasons where every win is a close one. Yay. With the Deion Branch saga finally over and done with, watch for Bill Belichik to cut all recievers, except for Troy Brown, and run the rarely seen four tight end set. It's comin, just you wait. Pats take this one 27-23

Arizona @ Seattle- Matt Hasselback was 25-30 last week in the Motor City and didn't have a touchdown. That won't happen again. This could be a shootout, but the Seahawks win for a few reasons- 1) Shaun Alexander will look to rebound, b.) They have better defense and 4.) it is in Seattle. Seahawks 32-21.

St. Louis @ San Fran- The 49ers do not even deserve to have their city spelled out. Frank Gore could have another solid day, but the Rams are full speed ahead. You know their offense is upppppppp-set about their touchdown-less performance last week. Rams 45-24

Tennessee @ San Diego- Ladanian Tomlinson will have about 400 total yards in this one with about 4 or 5 TDs. Dammit we want Volek! How bad could he be? Really? SD 45-13

Kansas City @ Denver- Well I had a sneaking suspicion that the Broncos would come out flat like last year, but somehow I thought they'd pull out the opener. Well you've screwed me again Denver! Of course this will be the classic bounce back game in which they take their anger out on the Trent Green-less Chiefs. 35-18

Washington @ Dallas- Well here's a classic rivalry for ya. Skins versus the 'Boys. The Tuna versus Gibbsy. But the fact is I just feel the Cowboys are better and I don't know about that Washington offense, so it's the Cowboys at home 21-10.

Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville- Am I the only one on the planet not sold on the Steelers right now? Roethlisberger or not, I still feel they're overrated. But you know who is very underrated? The Jaguars is who. I like them to win this one 14-13.

There ya have it, straight from a guy who is sixty percent of the time is right all the time!

A BLOG in 2 Parts

PART I-For the Record
Well, my good friend Billyball noticed that in my AFC preview I had predicted records for some but not all of the teams. Now to arrive at my predictions I did actually go through the entire NFL schedule and pick the winner of each game, so I have a projected record for each team. So for Billy and my other loyal readers I will give you the actual standings throughout the NFL. So here it goes (* are your playoff teams):


AFC EAST:
New England* 11-5
Miami* 10-6
Buffalo 6-10
New York 3-13


AFC NORTH
Cincinnati* 11-5
Pittsburgh* 10-6
Baltimore 6-10
Cleveland 2-14

AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis* 14-2
Jacksonville 8-8
Houston 4-12
Tennesee 2-14

AFC WEST
Denver* 11-5
Kansas City 10-6
San Diego 8-8
Oakland 4-12

NFC EAST
Dallas* 10-6
New York 9-7
Washington 9-7
Philadelphia 9-7

NFC NORTH
Chigago* 10-6
Minnesota* 10-6
Detroit 5-11
Green Bay 5-11

NFC SOUTH
Carolina* 12-4
Tampa Bay* 9-7
Atlanta 8-8
New Orleans 4-12

NFC WEST
Seattle* 13-3
St. Louis 6-10
Arizona 6-10
San Francisco 3-13
Now I give myself a one or two game swing on each, team because as I mentioned in my NFC Preview the 49ers somehow won four games last year, and I could easily see them losing every game, but that probably won't happen. The big differences will be with the cellar dwellers. Like Cleveland, Tennessee, San Fran, Nawlins, and say the Jets. I'm sure these teams will have an upset in them somewhere along the way, but that's just too tough to predict right now.

PART II- Countdown to Manning Bowl I
Well here we go, the opening game of the 2006 NFL season is hours away and I am giddy! So here is my look at WEEK 1:

Miami @ Pittsburgh- This a battle of two of my least favorite and most overrated NFL teams. The Steelers had the edge in my mind because this one is being played in the Ketchup Packet (That's what I'll be calling Heinz Field this year, it'll catch on, just wait and see), but now they have Charlie "Soft" Batch at the helm. But the thing is the Steelers will rely heavily on a stingy "D" and a grinding running game, which means Charlie only needs to NOT make mistakes, easier said than done......Miami wins 28-23

Atlanta @ Carolina- Atlanta is sort of unpredictable this year, but I'll try anyway. Basically the birds will have to probably play a pretty flawless game and force some Carolina miscues. There's a better chance that Jamal Anderson will sign an NFL contract this week, than the Falcons winning in the haunts of historic Bank of America Stadium! Bank on a Carolina win, 31-16

Buffalo @ New England- Now this looks like an easy one, but looks can be deceiving. I still remember a few seasons back when these two opened the season in Buffalo and the favored Pats were drubbed 31 or 38 to zip. So don't misunderestimate the Bills, but also don't pick them to win this game. New England 31-24

Cincinnati @ Kansas City- The Bengals have a pretty fierce schedule this season and it starts at Kansas City, one of the most hostile environments for visitors, so lookout. The Bengals are good and will win the division and make the playoffs, but this season will start on a down note in KC. I mean Kansas City sports fans have been waiting for this game since the Royals season was over back in May, they'll be angry. Someone named Johnson will have the most rushing yards in this one. Kansas City 42-38

Denver @ St. Louis- Denver is a much better football team, but Jake "The Snake" will help keep the Rams in this one. Last year the Broncos were obliterated in Miami in the opener 34-10, then proceeded to win 13 of 15. Could another opening day massacre be in store for Denver? Nope, Broncs hold 'em off 49-44

New Orleans @ Cleveland- The Saints will be a feel good story this year no matter how many games they win, and I like their chances to send the Dawg Pound and the Frye Guys home disappointed as they win it 17-11

New York Jets @ Tennessee
The winner of this will quickly fall behind in the race for next year's #1 draft pick. The Titans are not saying who will start at QB, forcing the Jets to prepare for both Billy Volek and Kerry Collins. Oooooooooo! Does it really matter? Honestly? They could probably throw Vince Young in there and still win it. The Jets take an early lead in securing the #1 draft pick, Titans win
12-3

Baltimore @ Tampa Bay- The Bucs are a team I think can really win some games, but they could also be a total flop. It all rests on the shoulders of young Chris Simms. If he's at least 82% as good as daddy dearest, the Bucs should be okay. This will be a defensive battle with the Bucs winning it 5-3

Philadelphia @Houston- The Eagles may come out a bit shaky, luckily they have the Oilers, er, Texans in week one. While Donte' Stallworth is not an overall solution to winning, he will help. The Eagles soar in this one 38-10

Seattle @ Detroit- It's Kitna vs. the team he started with. Apparently this story line has been hidden behind such non-stories as T.O's health and the Manning Bowl? While Kitna will show the 'Hawks why they would have won the Super Bowl last year if he were at the helm, the Seahawks will still prevail. Seahawks win 35-31.
Kitna goes 38-50, 437 yds, 4TDs and 1 pick cause not even Kitna's perfect.

Chigago @ Green Bay- This classic NFC Central battle ( yeah I said Central, what of it?) will be marred by the fact that the Packers are, well, atrocious. The Bears should keep the Pack out of the endzone, so all they'll have to do is find a way to get...in...the endzone. Well actually all they'll need is points of some sort and their defense will be the offense as the roll 27-6 (that's 6 FGs, a defensive TD and a safety).

Dallas @ Jacksonville- The T.O. Era in Dallas begins and the Jaguars will be the victims of that. Mostly it'll be the Dallas defense keeping Byron Leftwich busy that'll be the key in this one. Dallas will edge the Jaguars 24-17

San Francisco @ Arizona- An intriguing battle out west as the Cardinals have an exciting offense, while the 49ers have, ummmmmm....well they have, ummm..... well, look for the Cardinals to open their new home in style by beating up on the 49ers 42-28

Indianapolis @ New York Giants- It's Manning vs. Manning. If this game were decided by the QBs skill levels or likability then the Colts would win handily. Well it's not, but hey, the Colts will win handily anyways! I only hope Archie Manning has some sort of half Peyton, half Eli jersey fashioned for him to wear, either that or he wears a Colts jersey and Eli cries. Colts 37-17

Minnesota @ Washington- This has the potential to be a pretty good game. With Kleinsasser in the mix the Vikings will be tough to stop, but the Reskins will use the homefield advantage to win a nail biter 19-16

San Diego @ Oakland- The Raiders are undefeated when opening a season on Monday Night at home. That might not be true. But look for some of that ol' Aaron Brooks magic (you read correctly) in this one as the Silver and Black manage to win the opener 38-34.

Well there you have it! An eerie vision of things to come.

Mmmmm, BA-CON- NFC Style!

Well last we left each other you had seen my picks for the AFC. Well let's get right into why you're here. Here's what I think about the NFC:

NFC EAST
-Dallas-
Well, I don't approve, but the Cowboys are good again. Some say the NFC East is the best division in football, which COULD be true, but maybe the teams are just THAT close together. The only thing that could stop the 'Boys would be Terrell Owens or Carolina.

-New York-
While after the Dallas you could almost just try and pick the other three positions in the standing out of a hat. Well here's what'll happen......After a Monday night loss in Dallas, Shockey will complain about not getting thrown to and call Eli and inbred, redneck homosexual, to which Eli will respond, "Aw shucks Jeremy! I mean heck, c'mon! We can Git 'r' Done. They share an awkward laugh together and proceed to win seven of ten.

-Washington-
Some have the 'Skins at 8-8, others have them as high as 10-6, well I'll go between and say 9-7. Mark Brunell can't carry this team (although I hear Jeff George may be available) to more than a playoff birth, if that. On a side note, I have ill will towards the aging Brunell as he just about single-handedly eliminated me from my fantasy football playoffs when he threw like 5 TDs in one game? C'MON! That won't happen often.

-Philadelphia-
Well, Donte' Stallworth is a step or three up from the stone-handed Todd Pinkston, I just don't think they have a playoff trip in 'em. Now if they could resurrect Fred Barnett and Calvin Williams, we wouldn't have to play the season just send the trophy to Philly.


NFC NORTH
-Chicago-
Their defense is scary good, but their offense is on the other end of the adjective spectrum. Now the front seven is conjuring up thoughts of the '85 Bears who I think one the Super Bowl, but not sure. Now this squad won't be doin' no Super Bowl Shuffle, but maybe a Division winning Disco or a Wild Card Watusi or somehting.

-Minnesota-
Putting the love boat fiasco behind them, Minnesota is ready for some football. Last season, for some reason or another, I picked them to win the Super Bowl, an obvious jinx. I went back and forth on whether it would be them or da Bears winning the divion and when the music stopped, there was Chicago. But I think the Vikes could definitely make the Playoffs behind the Brads, Johnson and Childress.

-Detroit-
Well Lions fans, Kitna has arrived to turn the franchise right around, so lookout! I don't think I like Rod Marinelli and I don't see the Lions being much better than last year, but the addition of Kitna allows them to finally have a face to sell those Commerative Lion Quarterback Plate set! All your favorites are there: Eric Hipple, Chuck Long, Andre Ware, Rodney Peete, Eric Kramer, Mike Tomczak, Charlie Batch, etc. Well worth your $19.95

-Green Bay-
You gotta be bummed out, if after years of being on the season ticket list at Lambeau, this was finally the year you got to go. The Pack have not impressed in the preseason and although it is preseason, I wouldn't expect much different when it counts. I guess they could be better than most people think, I mean they couldn't possibly be any worse right?

NFC SOUTH:
-Carolina-
The Panthers remain a very solid team and I don't see any reason why they can't go deep into the playoffs. Lookout because they should play some pretty mistake free football. I don't really have much to say about the Panthers, except, LOOK-OUT!

-Tampa Bay-
Seems like just yesterday the Buccaneers were playing in those bright orange uniforms, the laughing stock of the league. Actually it's been some time since they were utterly dreadful and they look to be solid again this tear and will be in the thick of a, well, wild, ah, Wild card fight. It'll all hang on the shoulders of young Simms. He's a got a good defense and running game around him, which will only make him better.

-Atlanta-
I don't really know what to make of Atlanta, they could be very good or not so much. Warrick Dunn might we one of the most misunderestimated backs in the league. If they where the old school red helmets and jerseys they are a lock. That and make sure Jesse Tuggle is present at every game. You here me Falcons front office, EVERY GAME!

-New Orleans-
The fact that they have a home again will help and you gotta know everyone is pulling for them. The Saints will march again, my friends, maybe not his year but soon! I mean, doesn't Brees, McAllister, Bush, and Horn kind of remind you of Herbert, Mayes, Hilliard, and Martin??? Unfortunately they don't have any one who reminds people of Pat Swilling, Rickey Jackson, Vaughn Johnson or Sam Mills, quite possibly the best linebacking corps ever! Something to shoot for though.

NFC WEST
-Seattle-
Why don't they just change the name of the division to "Seattle and three other teams"? Well it's too wordy that's why! They have some questions at receiver, but I think they'll still manage to pull out the division, somehow. The window is closing though as this team is just getting older. Well every team is getting older, but, well, you know what I mean, stop being a smart alec!

-St. Louis-
The Rams can still score tons of points, no question. The question is can they stop other teams from doing the same. The answer is not enough to be effective and make the playoffs. Now who knows, as they plan to use Steven Jackson and the running game more, which means they can possibly keep their defense off the field more. Good luck.

-Arizona-
The Cardinals will be fun to watch. They've got a new stadium, a new running back and one of the top receiving tandems in the NFL. While the Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal is not headed back to the postseason juuuuuussssssst yet, but they are headed in the right direction, especially if Matt Leinart is as good as advertised down the road. The fact that the cardinals have sold out every home game is already a win. What they need to pull it altogether, is, well, pretty obvious....bring back Eric Swann as a defensive coach and then just sit back and watch the Super Bowl titles roll in.

-San Francisco-
Well let's see, the 49ers had the worst offense around last year and still managed to win four games. I looked at their schedule and think they could easily go 0-16, but the odds of it happening are, let's just say, less than stellar. Somehow they won a few games this year and as far as I can tell they've made no significant improvements or indication of heading in the right direction. While I still think the can drop every single game, they migh manage to win two or three somewhere, somehow.

PLAYOFFS:
Division Winners: Dallas, Chicago, Carolina, Seattle
Wild Cards: Minnesota, Tampa Bay

Championship Game: Carolina over Dallas

That's right folks a Carolina-Indy Super Bowl, where Peyton Manning will shine and finally win the whole darned thing.
Thanks and enjoy the season!

Mmmmm, BA-CON!

That's right folks, as my beloved Sawx limp through late August and early September, slowly trying to insure they will not make the playoffs, I can slowly turn my thoughts and concentration to the upcoming NFL season. As was said on Boston's WEEI this week, "At least the Sawx were good until the Patriots preseason was well underway." Not to say I've given up on those Rouge Socks, nothing could be farther from the truth, well actually there are probably quite a few things that are farther from the truth, like say, Jeremy Shockey is a model citizen and a great player. See, that's much farther from the truth. By the way, the Shockey drinking game always in affect, so drink up ladies! But the NFL regular season is just days away, and I need to get goin' with a preview for my valued readers (now totalling at least 9 in number), because if I don't, well, it doesn't really matter. Anyways, unlike previous years I actually have read up on the NFL before the season. Now, I know you're probably thinking, "well that's just no fun.", but it had to be done as I had a fantasy football draft last week and felt I would give myself a bit of a shot by actually knowing some things about the NFL, it's teams and players. Now, I'm not gonna lie, some things still jumped up and surprised me, but overall I felt at least three precent more knowlegeable than last year. So don't worry I am still less than average when knowing what's going on. So without further ado, well maybe just one more..."ADO"... I give you my 2006 NFL Random Thoughts, now with 10% more idiocy:
PART ONE: THE AFC

AFC EAST:
- New England:
The Patriots managed to sign Monty Biesel under that radar. That's right while everyone was on the lookout to see where Edgerrin James or T.O. would end up, the Pats managed to re-sign a relatively unknown mediocre linebacker. Now sure, until last week I thought his name was Monty Bissell and was all excited to officially nickname him the "Vacuum" or the "Cleaner". You know, because of this Bissell that has been cleaning carpets for a shade over a century. In any event, the Patriots are not nearly as intimidating or daunting as they once were way back when, 2004 to be exact, but it will take a lot for them not to win their division this year. Plus Ben Watson will be to Tom Brady what Ben Coates was to Drew Bledsoe! Only an injury to Tom Brady and call to Hugh Millen could land them out of the playoffs. Gimmick slogan: Maroney ain't full of Baloney! Projected record: 11-5

- Miami:
Sad as I am to say it, the Dolphins are the second best team in the division and have a good chance of making the playoffs. They won't, if I have anything to say about it! And I don't. They're still overrated and have arguably the least intelligent fans in sports, so I say Squish the Fish! Projected record: 9-7

- Buffalo
Buffalo, more like Buff-a-low! Just kidding! I just thought I'd get Bill and Javen all riled up. The Bills defense is still very solid and the offense could gel and be good by the end of the season, but let's face they're still rebuilding and Pete Metzalaars ain't walking through that door, kids! Projection: 5-11

- New York
J-E-T-S, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK! The chant is not as catchy as there usual rallying cry, but it's uncannily accurate and I like it. Tony Kornheiser said, "Mangini looks like a pizza delivery boy." And we all now that can't be good. NFL coaches who resemble pizza delivery boys are a horrendous 18-76. To me he looks sad like someone stole hi pizza or like he is dreaming of the many delectible toppings he could get on his pizza, or like his pizza has been kidnapped and he is being shown a live picture of it on the JumboTron. Actually he kind of reminds me of the kid who plays a young Doug Heffernan on King of Queens, but now grown up. Anyways, when your offense is relying on Kevin Barlow and Tim Dwight, well..... (insert your own punchline here). Projection: 3-13

AFC NORTH
- Cincy
The Bengals are back, albeit dysfunctional and not law abiding. As long as Carson Palmer is playing, the Bengals can hang with anyone. By the end of this season the Queen City pigskin fans will be saying Boomer Who? Unfortunately it will be awhile longer before they forget about David Klingler. What can I say ya gotta like the Bengals, well I suppose you don't have to, but ya should!

- Pittsburgh
The Steelers were overrated last year and I have to say I don't believe they were the better team on the field in any of their last four games. But they still have a good defense and running game which keeps pressure of of Big Ben and when they can run out the clock is where they will thrive. There schedule doesn't look overly tough, so it looks like it's back to the Playoffs for Bill "The Chin" Cowher. As far as a repeat goes, I wouldn't be too hopetimistic Steel City. At least Steelers fans have those towels handy to cry into.

- Baltimore
Obviously the big news in Baltimore was the aquisition of Steve McNair, an obvious upgrade for both Baltimore and McNair. Some of you, namely me, may not have know that McNair was a Pro Bowler last year. I can't say this team will be exciting to watch, cause it won't be, but the Ravens could play over their heads and get over .500. They won't. I predict that McNair will be haunted by the ghosts of legendary Ravens QBs, Kyle Boller and Anthony Wright and the Ravens end up at 8-8.

- Cleveland
The Browns, are not what I would call...good. Now, because I like the Browns I will not be too harsh, but Charlie Frye? Really? Frye is touted as the next Brian Sipe, and not in a good way, sorry Jitter. Oh and Frye's backups.....Derek Anderson, and Lang Campbell. Lang Campbell sounds like a realtor or something, COME ON! The defense has promise with some solid veterans like Willie McGinest and Ted Washington, but let's face it they're no spring chickens. But keep hope alive Cleveland, you could get a good QB outta the draft at one or two. In addition to the Dawg Pound, look for the Charlie Frye fan club the Frye Guys! They'll go 3-13.

AFC SOUTH:
- Indianapolis
You'd have to be a ninny if you didn't pick the Colts to win this division. This could finally be the year that Peyton gets the monkey off his back and wins the whole effin thing. Just think if the Colts had, had Vinatieri last season, they may have taken the Steelers spots as the champs. I'd also like to add that I don't think their is an NFL player with better commercials. "Cut that MEAT, mmmmm meat, ahhhhggghhhhh......" ummm, than Peyton.
Oh yeah they will go 14-2.

- Jacksonville
Jacksonville showed us what it was made of in last year's playoffs in a sloppy loss to New England. Now they didn't really go out and try to make themselves better in the offseason. In fact their top receiver Jimmy Smith is gone and they have lost backup running back Greg Jones for the season leaving the running game in the hands of injury prone Fred Taylor. Which means more than likely they could end up with Labrandon Toefield running the ball if Taylor goes down. Their defense will keep them in the thick of things, but if Leftwich has any sort of major injury sending him to the "Boobooman" the Jags are in trouble. But they'll be right in the playoff hunt. And don't forget to get ready for the season with your Jaguars tailgating kit, only available while supplies last!

- Houston
Well, things are looking up in Houston as they are trying to go from downright abysmal to slightly below average. But hey, Rome wasn't built in a day. Now the good news is that, David Carr may not be running for his life quite as much and will have more of a shot to prove himself. The bad news is, if he can't, Sage Rosenfelds will be ready if needed. More bad news: Curtis Duncan passed on the honorary coin flip for the home opener. Negotiations are ongoing with Alonzo Highsmith.

- Titans
Remember the Titans......who went to the Super Bowl?? Well that was seven years ago and it's been slowly rolling downhill since. I mean was anyone superpumped about the start of the Billy Volek era? But at least the Titans put their fans at ease, showing full confidence in Volek by signing everyone's favorite drunken, racist, no not Toastie, but non other than Kerry Collins, (editor's note: Toastie is not actually racist he just likes the drop back passer) less than two weeks before the start of the season. Vince Young's gotta be excited about the tutilage he will receive, right? I feel like they have, "We're not afraid to make a mistake" posters all over the front offices.

AFC WEST:
- Denver
The Broncos are the clear cut favorites in this division and you'll get no argument here. But if it weren't for some bad refereeing, New England would have knocked them out of the playoffs last year. Sorry, had to get it in, I'm done. Stupid pass interference call and the, ah, nothing. Anyways it seems that pretty much any running back can be moderately successful in Denver these days. Or should I say decent running back, sorry Ron Dayne. Denver WILL win the division, but I just can't see Jake "The Snake" leading a team to the Super Bowl, sweet, sweet beard aside. Look for them to go 12-4.

- Kansas City
Larry Johnson won't be enough for the Chefs (great googily moogily!), er the Chiefs to be a serious contender. Tony Gonzalez got into the end zone just twice last season and the next best recieving threat is Eddie Kennison. Eddie Kennison? He's still on a team? I really don't know what to make of the Chiefs. They could range anywhere from 7-9 to 10-6, so I like them at 9-7.

- San Diego
People feel that there will not be much of a decline from Drew Brees to Philip Rivers. I disagree. With Brees I think this team makes the playoffs. With Rivers I think they just miss, With Stan "The Man" Humphries they win it all. They still have L.T. (Ladanian Tomlinson not Lawrence Taylor) and that's not half bad at all. Also their defense can do some things, but I find them hard to read, and much like Kansas City they could be make the playoffs or finish under .500. Look for them to be in the hunt for that last playoff spot.

- Oakland
Hard to imagine someone actually CHOSE to have Aaron Brooks as their starting QB, but it happened. I think Al Davis lost a bet or something. But, BUT, just when you thought you couldn't laugh at the Raiders anymore, then, THEN, the Silver and Black went out and signed Jeff George, because apparently Jim Harbaugh had better things to do and Jeff Hostettler wouldn't return their calls. Then, of course, five days later they cut Jeff George. They run a tight ship in Oakland that's for sure. Where have you gone Jay Schroeder??

PLAYOFFS:
Well you know my picks for division winners, so here are your Wild Card teams (drum roll).....Pittsburgh and Miami.

The AFC Championship game be the Colts against the Bengals, with the Colts moving on to Miami!

Well there you have it, my look ahead to the 2006 AFC, stay tuned for my NFC preview, coming soon.