NFC EAST
-Dallas-
Well, I don't approve, but the Cowboys are good again. Some say the NFC East is the best division in football, which COULD be true, but maybe the teams are just THAT close together. The only thing that could stop the 'Boys would be Terrell Owens or Carolina.
-New York-
While after the Dallas you could almost just try and pick the other three positions in the standing out of a hat. Well here's what'll happen......After a Monday night loss in Dallas, Shockey will complain about not getting thrown to and call Eli and inbred, redneck homosexual, to which Eli will respond, "Aw shucks Jeremy! I mean heck, c'mon! We can Git 'r' Done. They share an awkward laugh together and proceed to win seven of ten.
-Washington-
Some have the 'Skins at 8-8, others have them as high as 10-6, well I'll go between and say 9-7. Mark Brunell can't carry this team (although I hear Jeff George may be available) to more than a playoff birth, if that. On a side note, I have ill will towards the aging Brunell as he just about single-handedly eliminated me from my fantasy football playoffs when he threw like 5 TDs in one game? C'MON! That won't happen often.
-Philadelphia-
Well, Donte' Stallworth is a step or three up from the stone-handed Todd Pinkston, I just don't think they have a playoff trip in 'em. Now if they could resurrect Fred Barnett and Calvin Williams, we wouldn't have to play the season just send the trophy to Philly.
NFC NORTH
-Chicago-
Their defense is scary good, but their offense is on the other end of the adjective spectrum. Now the front seven is conjuring up thoughts of the '85 Bears who I think one the Super Bowl, but not sure. Now this squad won't be doin' no Super Bowl Shuffle, but maybe a Division winning Disco or a Wild Card Watusi or somehting.
-Minnesota-
Putting the love boat fiasco behind them, Minnesota is ready for some football. Last season, for some reason or another, I picked them to win the Super Bowl, an obvious jinx. I went back and forth on whether it would be them or da Bears winning the divion and when the music stopped, there was Chicago. But I think the Vikes could definitely make the Playoffs behind the Brads, Johnson and Childress.
-Detroit-
Well Lions fans, Kitna has arrived to turn the franchise right around, so lookout! I don't think I like Rod Marinelli and I don't see the Lions being much better than last year, but the addition of Kitna allows them to finally have a face to sell those Commerative Lion Quarterback Plate set! All your favorites are there: Eric Hipple, Chuck Long, Andre Ware, Rodney Peete, Eric Kramer, Mike Tomczak, Charlie Batch, etc. Well worth your $19.95
-Green Bay-
You gotta be bummed out, if after years of being on the season ticket list at Lambeau, this was finally the year you got to go. The Pack have not impressed in the preseason and although it is preseason, I wouldn't expect much different when it counts. I guess they could be better than most people think, I mean they couldn't possibly be any worse right?
NFC SOUTH:
-Carolina-
The Panthers remain a very solid team and I don't see any reason why they can't go deep into the playoffs. Lookout because they should play some pretty mistake free football. I don't really have much to say about the Panthers, except, LOOK-OUT!
-Tampa Bay-
Seems like just yesterday the Buccaneers were playing in those bright orange uniforms, the laughing stock of the league. Actually it's been some time since they were utterly dreadful and they look to be solid again this tear and will be in the thick of a, well, wild, ah, Wild card fight. It'll all hang on the shoulders of young Simms. He's a got a good defense and running game around him, which will only make him better.
-Atlanta-
I don't really know what to make of Atlanta, they could be very good or not so much. Warrick Dunn might we one of the most misunderestimated backs in the league. If they where the old school red helmets and jerseys they are a lock. That and make sure Jesse Tuggle is present at every game. You here me Falcons front office, EVERY GAME!
-New Orleans-
The fact that they have a home again will help and you gotta know everyone is pulling for them. The Saints will march again, my friends, maybe not his year but soon! I mean, doesn't Brees, McAllister, Bush, and Horn kind of remind you of Herbert, Mayes, Hilliard, and Martin??? Unfortunately they don't have any one who reminds people of Pat Swilling, Rickey Jackson, Vaughn Johnson or Sam Mills, quite possibly the best linebacking corps ever! Something to shoot for though.
NFC WEST
-Seattle-
Why don't they just change the name of the division to "Seattle and three other teams"? Well it's too wordy that's why! They have some questions at receiver, but I think they'll still manage to pull out the division, somehow. The window is closing though as this team is just getting older. Well every team is getting older, but, well, you know what I mean, stop being a smart alec!
-St. Louis-
The Rams can still score tons of points, no question. The question is can they stop other teams from doing the same. The answer is not enough to be effective and make the playoffs. Now who knows, as they plan to use Steven Jackson and the running game more, which means they can possibly keep their defense off the field more. Good luck.
-Arizona-
The Cardinals will be fun to watch. They've got a new stadium, a new running back and one of the top receiving tandems in the NFL. While the Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal is not headed back to the postseason juuuuuussssssst yet, but they are headed in the right direction, especially if Matt Leinart is as good as advertised down the road. The fact that the cardinals have sold out every home game is already a win. What they need to pull it altogether, is, well, pretty obvious....bring back Eric Swann as a defensive coach and then just sit back and watch the Super Bowl titles roll in.
-San Francisco-
Well let's see, the 49ers had the worst offense around last year and still managed to win four games. I looked at their schedule and think they could easily go 0-16, but the odds of it happening are, let's just say, less than stellar. Somehow they won a few games this year and as far as I can tell they've made no significant improvements or indication of heading in the right direction. While I still think the can drop every single game, they migh manage to win two or three somewhere, somehow.
PLAYOFFS:
Division Winners: Dallas, Chicago, Carolina, Seattle
Wild Cards: Minnesota, Tampa Bay
Championship Game: Carolina over Dallas
That's right folks a Carolina-Indy Super Bowl, where Peyton Manning will shine and finally win the whole darned thing.
Thanks and enjoy the season!
I coulda sworn you were gonna go all Bill Simmons on us and pick New England. And then mention Larry Bird and Rounders and Double-Down Trent and Nate Dogg and your buddy House, etc, etc etc. Nicely played young William. You will be a fine navigator on our traverse to the City of Brotherly Love.
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