PROGNOSTICATION, BA-BY!

Well week one was full of ups, downs and of course what-have-yous. As far as picking the winners straight-up I went 7-9. But against the spread I was a much, much, muuuuuuch better at 8-8. Well to make every exciting week of NFL football just that much more exciting I will be competing against SI's Peter King, and ESPN Page 2's Sports Guy. In week one it was a tight race but I took the early season lead.




Here's how the standings look after Week One (against the spread of course:

The Bitter One (more specifically me): 8-8
Peter King: 7-9
Sports Guy: 7-9

So on that note, here are my thoughts for week 2:

Buffalo @ Miami- Well we're not gonna discuss last week's Bills game. Mainly because Bills fans make up at least 22% of my readership. Now, while I still don't think Miami is overrated (even though I did pick them to make the playoffs), the Bills don't fair well in the heat so I'm gonna go with the "Fish" in this one. 23-21.

Carolina @ Minnesota- Well the Panthers did not look good last week against the Falcons, so they'll be hungry. And we all know what Panthers like to eat when they're hungry. That's right.....Vikings. It's Carolina on the road 21-20

Cleveland @ Cincinnati- The good news for Browns fans is they didn't look gawd awful in week one. The bad news: They were playing the Saints and not the Bengals. Look for Carson "Heisman" Palmer to light up the scoreboard as the Bengals are on the prowl! Cincy 34-17

Detroit @ Chigago- The Bears defense is good, darn good! That's right folks even, good enough to stop the mighty, mighty Kitna. In fact there's a solid chance the Lions could head into week three without an offensive touchdown. Da Bears roll 27-9.

Houston @ Indianapolis- Well the Texans scored very early last week to take a 7-0 lead on the Eagles. It was all downhill from there. I think it's about time Gary "Kub eat now" Kubiak pulled out the old Wishbone offense now that he has Gado and Ron "Great" Dayne. I'm just sayin' Gar', what can it hurt? They have other backs as well, I know it takes three to wishbone. The Colts find the Texans to be not quite as good as the G-Men and win it in a romp 42-12

New York Giants @ Philadelphia- This should be a dandy, that is for sure. It's tough to gage any team's worth after just one game, especially when that one game was against the Texans. The Eagles are at home which will give them a slight edge, but not enough as an edge as the Giants win their first game of the season 23-21, as David Akers misses a last second field goal that would have won it.

New Orleans @ Green Bay- Poor, poor Brett Favre. It's gonna be a long season in the land of beer and cheese. But on the brightside they ARE in the land of beer and cheese, a fine place to drown your sorrows, for sure. That's right the Saints go marching into Green Bay a snag a road victory 17-16, to become 2-0. The Saints 2-0! You heard it here first!

Oakland @ Baltimore- Well the Raiders are not good. This is a team I may have overestimated just a teenie-tiny bit. It may not be long before Aaron Brooks is holding the clipboard for Andrew Walter, who will in turn will be holding it for Jeff George, who will in the end be holding the clipboard for Ken Walter. I mean did anyone see Art Shell on Monday? He looked highly unexcited to be there. Did he lose some asinine bet to Al Davis or something? Well the Ravens roll, 24-3 and at half time Ray Lewis eats a live Raiders fan. That's just good family fun.

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta- Well the obvious choice is to pick the Falcons after they steam rolled the Panthers last week, but all I hear is Gruden will have a tenacious gameplan ready and Jon Abraham and Jessie Tuggle might not play. But for some reason I still think the Falcons win this one, even though they could very well end up being the most inconsistent team in the league. I'm goin' Falcons, baby! 13-10

New England @ New York Jets- Well I must first apologize to the Jets. They were not as bad as I thought. But before you Jets fans out there get too cocky, you're still not very good. Well I'm guaranteeing that Chad Pennington does not throw 319 yards against the Patriots. The Pats could be set to have another one of those seasons where every win is a close one. Yay. With the Deion Branch saga finally over and done with, watch for Bill Belichik to cut all recievers, except for Troy Brown, and run the rarely seen four tight end set. It's comin, just you wait. Pats take this one 27-23

Arizona @ Seattle- Matt Hasselback was 25-30 last week in the Motor City and didn't have a touchdown. That won't happen again. This could be a shootout, but the Seahawks win for a few reasons- 1) Shaun Alexander will look to rebound, b.) They have better defense and 4.) it is in Seattle. Seahawks 32-21.

St. Louis @ San Fran- The 49ers do not even deserve to have their city spelled out. Frank Gore could have another solid day, but the Rams are full speed ahead. You know their offense is upppppppp-set about their touchdown-less performance last week. Rams 45-24

Tennessee @ San Diego- Ladanian Tomlinson will have about 400 total yards in this one with about 4 or 5 TDs. Dammit we want Volek! How bad could he be? Really? SD 45-13

Kansas City @ Denver- Well I had a sneaking suspicion that the Broncos would come out flat like last year, but somehow I thought they'd pull out the opener. Well you've screwed me again Denver! Of course this will be the classic bounce back game in which they take their anger out on the Trent Green-less Chiefs. 35-18

Washington @ Dallas- Well here's a classic rivalry for ya. Skins versus the 'Boys. The Tuna versus Gibbsy. But the fact is I just feel the Cowboys are better and I don't know about that Washington offense, so it's the Cowboys at home 21-10.

Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville- Am I the only one on the planet not sold on the Steelers right now? Roethlisberger or not, I still feel they're overrated. But you know who is very underrated? The Jaguars is who. I like them to win this one 14-13.

There ya have it, straight from a guy who is sixty percent of the time is right all the time!