WEEK 9: THE 3:10 TO KITNA

Ah yes Week 9 in the NFL is upon us which means after this week every team will be at least halfway through their season. Now it may seem like only two teams are playing this week, what with all the hype and hoop-la, but I mean c'mon it's a pretty epic match-up to say the least. Now, I'm not one to throw superlatives all over the place like say, I dunno, Tim Kurkjian (I'm not even gonna check if that is the correct spelling of his name.) but this match-up is week nine in the NFL. And it may in fact be the greatest Week 9 match-up of all-time, and I for one am ecstatic to have the Cardinals-Buccaneers rivalry renewed once again! Now on with the picks in what should be a very interesting Week 9:

REDSKINS @ JETS: The Jets are not likely to run up the score on the 'Skins. In fact they are, in my opinion, not likely to win at all against the 'Skins. So there! Skins get some pride back, but just a little with a 23-13 win.

PACKERS @ CHIEFS: It seems not too long ago I was poking fun at the Chiefs ineptitude and thought they'd be in the running for the worst team in the league. But lo and behold, it's Week 9 and the Chiefs are tied with the Chargers for first in the AFC West! Meanwhile over that other conference, you know the one that has teams playing for the right to lose in the Super Bowl, the Packers are rolling. And if you didn't watch Monday Night's game in Denver, here is the basic gist of things: Brett Favre is really having fun out there. He just loves to play the game, and he is indeed a gunslinger. On a lesser note, there are actually 10 other guys who play on offense with Favre at any given time, but I have no idea if they are having fun or not? Is it just a paycheck for them? That's what I need to know and now! Oh, I'm rambling. Um, Packers 28-24.

CARDINALS @ BUCCANEERS: What can I say that hasn't been said already throughout the week? I mean Buccaneers this, Cardinals that, gimme a break! Geez, I get it! Bucs 17-9.

PANTHERS @ TITANS: Testaverde is questionable, so are the Panthers chances in Nashville. I don't have anything else to say here really. Titans 13-10.

49ERS @ FALCONS: This is one of the coin flip games. Heads I pick the Niners, tails the Falcons. It's tails. Falcons win 21-10.

JAGUARS @ SAINTS: The Saints sure are having fun making people think they're gonna hop right back in to that NFC Playoff race. That may very well be true. In fact I guess they are in the playoff race since 3-4 is good for a game back in the NFC South. Whatever! Let's see how they handle that Jaguars defense first and then we'll talk. Jags 10-9.

BRONCOS @ LIONS: The Lions are 5-2, which is good for the 4th best record in the NFC. Hey, I can't say I didn't warn ya. Kitna is on fire, and somehow they own the Bears. Not literally that'd be weird. Sure Favre gets most of the pub, but is it just me or does Kitna look like he is having fun out there too? More fun for Kitna and the Lions, they win 24- 20.

RAMS @ BYE WEEK: Hmm, this seems like a trap game to me. I mean the odds are the Rams won't lose this week, but anything can happen in the NFL and if anyone could lose to the pushover Bye Week it's the Rams. The Bye Week's "D" is suspect, but can the Rams put up points on it? It's close but I'm picking the Rams to not lose in Week 9. Wish I could say the same for the Dolphins.

DOLPHINS @ BYE WEEK: Yup in my upset special of the week I am picking the Dolphins to lose in their bye week! Unprecedented some might say. But to that I just say, not being elected the leader of the free world has nothing to do with the price of beans. I mean how could a football team even run for precedent? It don't make sense! Okay, who's lost? Stat of the week that may or may not have been fabricated by yours truly: This is the first time in the history of the NFL, that in Week 9 two unbeatens meet, while two winless teams have a bye. Hey, it's not lying if you believe it to be true! Anywho, moving on.

BENGALS @ BILLS: Could it be? QB controversy in the Nickel City? Well whoever starts on Sunday should be able to push the crowd and the head honchos in his favor, since only one team has given up more points than the Bengals and that's the winless Rams. Even the Ravens managed to put up 20 points on them! Bills 24-14.

CHARGERS @ VIKINGS: The Chargers are looking like everyone expected them to look. While the Vikings are looking, well, like everyone expected them to look. Too bad for the Vikings. Chargers 27-10.

SEAHAWKS @ BROWNS: Derek Anderson is turning into quite the little quarterback over there in Cleveland. I mean he's no Peyton Manning, but he's at least Eli Manning, if not slightly better. Browns 21-17.

PATRIOTS @ COLTS: I really wish someone had told me this game was this week! C'mon! Now I'm scrambling to find some sort of news clipping or analysis on this match-up. I know the Bucs-Cards is the same week, but seriously hows about a little attention for these two little clubs that could? Actually surprising that only two games this week has a higher point spread than this one. Guess it's not that close. Um, let's see I guess Patriots 38-34.

TEXANS @ RAIDERS: The Texans are quickly fading from that fast start and have come back down to earth with a thud. Fortunately for them the Raiders aren't all that good. Texans 27-21.

COWBOYS @ EAGLES: The Eagles need this one, that's for sure! Okay well they'd probably have a chance even if they lose this one. But it'd be a slimmer chance that's for sure. I know I'm an idiot. I want the Eagles to win, but the fact remains the Cowboys are just plain better right now. Record and talent wise anyways. Cowboys 17-13.

RAVENS @ STEELERS: Yawn. What?! Oh right sorry. Um, Steelers overrated, Ravens offense is abysmal, something about Willis MacGahee's illegitimate kids, random joke at expense of starting quarterbacks, yada, yada, yada. Steelers 21-9.

And now for your cheese: