Thursday, February 21, 2008

And The Winner Is...

Ah yes, it is that time of year once again, where we here at "Bitterness" look to honor the film industry in all of it's glory. Yes the Academy Awards are but days away, but the The Police Academy Awards are here now for your viewing pleasure! A tribute to one of the great film series' of our time! So without further ado, we give to you our seven readers, the second semi-annual Police Academy Awards. So, on with the show!

Best Actor/ Actress in a Supporting Role:

Lance Kinsey as " Lt. Proctor"- Police Academy 2-6

Kim Cattral - Police Academy
Tim Kazurinsky as "Carl Sweetchuk"- Police Academy 2-4
David Spade- Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol
Bobcat Goldthwait as "Zed"- Police Academy 2-4

And the winner is (bahm, bahm, bahm, bahhhhhhh!): Tim Kazurinsky as "Sweetchuk"

Best Actor in a Captain or Commandant Role:

Art Metrano as "Comndt. Mauser"-Police Academy 3: Back in Training

G.W. Bailey as "Capt. Harris"- Police Academy 4-7
George Gaynes as "Comndt Eric Lassard"- Every Police Academy
Howard Hesseman as "Capt. Pete Lassard"-Police Academy 2: Their Fisrt Assignment

And the cop goes to the incomparable, the irreverent, the punky, the one and only George Gaynes as Cmndt. Eric Lassard

Best Actress in an officer role:

Leslie Easterbrook as "Callahan"- Every Police Academy except Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

Colleen Camp as "Mrs. Kirkland-Tackleberry"- Police Academy 2 and 4
Marion Ramsey as "Laverne Hooks"- Every Police Academy except for Mission to Moscow

And the COP winner is Marion Ramsey as "Laverne Hooks"

Best Actor in an officer role:

Steve Guttenburg as "Carey Mahoney"- Police Academy 1-4

David Graf as "Tackleberry"- Every single Police Academy
Bubba Smith as "Moses Hightower"- Every Police Academy except for Mission to Moscow
Michael Winslow as "Larvell Jones"-Every Police Academy including the TV Series.

And the winner is, as if you didn't know, Steve Guttenburg as "Carey Mahoney"

Best Film:

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

Police Academy
Police Academy 3: Back in Training
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

And the COP goes to..............Police Academy 3: Back in Training!!

Lifetime Achievement Award:
This of course goes to the quintessential Police Academy Cadet. The man that of course changed America's, possibly the world's, perception of police academies and officers, while along the way teaching us all a little bit about ourselves. This award goes to someone who knows how to make a quick bait and switch with a captain's shampoo, the results of which would equal, in one word, "hilarity." Handsome. Witty. Charming. As "Carey Mahoney" Steve Guttenburg both entertained and educated. Woman want him and men want to be him. So without further ado, this years Lifetime Achievement COP goes to the legend that is Steve Guttenburg!


  1. You must be especially excited that your Lifetime Achievement winner is going to be on Dancing with the Stars...

  2. captain mowser...wowser wowser....oh yeah...oh yeah.