SOUP-ER BOWL TOO

Ah yes, you've waited all year, but it is finally upon us. Now, the inaugural Souper Bowl featured foods from only the Super Bowl combatants, but not this year. You see after much deliberation, consternation and other big words ending in "-ation" we have decided to reformat. Why, you may ask? Well many may think it's because the odds of the same teams popping up in the big enchilada year after year or at least pretty close together are high. While we did consider this, that was not our main reason. You see we are just bursting with some great menu items, but the problem is, some players and teams may never reach the big game, and it's not fair to you, my viewing public, that these delicious treats just stay locked away in the "Bitterness" vaults, would it now? No it would not! So slap on your, bib grab some sporks and dig in as we see what's on this year's menu:

APPETIZERS:
CLARENCE KAY-SADILLA: A quesadilla as tough as the former tight end, this bad boy has three cheeses with steak, chicken or bronco! Just kidding about the bronc, sorry.

TUPA-TATO SKINS: One potato, tupa-tato, three potato, more! In honor of the player to score the first ever two-point conversion in the NFL, we've got hot potato skins, smothered in cheese and bacon. And then topped with a heaping helping of sour cream.

JALAPENO PAUP-ERS: As spicy as Bryce himself, these bad boys will have you on the hunt for agua! It's fried hotness, what could be better?

METZELAARS-ELLA STIX: There was nothing cheesy about good ol' Pete's play, but his mozz stix are a whole 'nother story. If you like fried cheese, then you are in for a treat. Served with marv-inara sauce, these bad boys sure fit the....bill.

CHILI CON JOHN CARNEY: Well here's a starter with some kick! Carney may have been a Saint, but this chili is so darn hot,you'll think you're in a place a bit south of sainthood. That's right, Jacksonville!

ADRIAN KLEMM CHOWDER: Not a lot of folks are familiar with Adrian's work on the field, but you'll be looking to "raid-er" the kitchen to get a cup or a bowl of this wonderful chowdah!

JUMBO-LAYA ELLIOT: Only get the bowl if your man enough! This is served in a regulation- sized replica Jumbo Elliot helmet, so be ready. And if you get an actual gain worn helmet with extra sweat, you get free Samare-rolls for your entire party!

SANDWICHES AND BURGERS:
THE KARL MECKLENBURG-ER: Big, gritty, yet delightful. Are we describing the burger or Karl? Who's to say? This Bronco burger is topped with everything, and I mean everything. Go ahead name something. On it! Something else? On it! Okay, no, there are no fruits, you got us.

AL TOON-A MELT: The most graceful and elegant tuna, this side of Bill Parcells. If you think you don't like tuna melts, coool your jets and try it! Then you'll be singing a different.....toon.

TUNA SALD SUB-MARINO SANDWICH: If you don't like it, ask for the chef and he will play homage to Danny boy and blame the waiters, waitresses, busboys, bartenders, coatcheck girls, valets and of course you! And don't worry we only use dolphin safe tuna.

MATT BAHR-BQ PORK SANDWICH: This one is right through the uprights! About as consistent as they come, we don't shank this one, and it goes great with a brew from our cross-bar?

MATT TURK-EY BURGER: This is for those trying to watch what they eat and not willing to go for it on fourth down. So pick up a punt of beer to enjoy along side this light and delicious fare. Fell free to add cheese, if you don't feel like enough of a man to order it plain.

PEPPER "STEAK" JOHNSON: packed with steak, smothered in cheese, topped with grilled onions and peppers, this one is certainly a giant. You'd better use two hands or you'll be wearing this one on your jersey.

JERRY "MEAT" BALL: I'm sure Jerry could down several of these in one sittings (On account of him being so large), but you might wanna stick to just one, as even that will take you the lion's share of the work.

ENTREES:

PASTAS FETTUCCINI ALZADO: This creation is not ours, but is too good to not be in here. We thank the genius of the VP for loning is creative juices to this one. Um. okay that sounded nasty. No one, whatsoever, put any sort of juices in here, except from their mind. Nope, just good ol' fashioned fettuccini, topped in a creamy sauce.

LYNN-GUINI IN CLAM SAUCE: You may not go as far as to call this dish, immaculate, but catch it you must! This dish is served with a Swann's grace and you'd better keep an eye on your plate, as someone may try and "steel" a bite.

RA-VAI-OLI SIKAHEMA: As cagy as the kick returner himself, you won't need eagle eyes to spot this one comin! The cards are stacked in your favor when your order this bad boy.

PASTA PRIMA VERIS: RV has to be proud to have his name on this dish, although not the most patriot-ic fare available.

MEAT
ANDRE RIB TIP-PETS: Nothing says American patriot like rib tips, am I right? Smothered in delicious tangy barbecue sauce and marv cook-ed to perfection. They are lip-smacking, finger licking good.

DON BEEBE BACK RIBS: Don't like the tips, would rather don a bib, and tear the meat from the bone? Well, be our guest! We use a hint of apple from our favorite orchard park to make this unique Beebe-Q sauce, so enjoy!

BARBER-CUED CHICKEN: A sizable chicken breast slow cooked over tiki torches and slathered up with a giant helping of our special barber-cue sauce. Absolutely delectable!

PHIL-ET MIGNON: This key to this dish is efficiency. Nothing exciting, just simple down to earth, get the job done, steak. Enough said. Its as Simms-ple as that!

PRIME "TIME" RIB: This is a flashy dish, where we'll be honest the presentation makes it seem like it's a lot better than it is.

BOBBY HEBERT BATTERED CHICKEN: Chicken +Beer= Goodness! That's right math majors, this has meat and beer in the same dish, not that this should dissuade you from ordering a drink with it, but sorry we're all out of our fermented chicken drink.

BARRY S-WORD-FISH: Ah, the catch of the day for you lovers of seafood. This is grilled to perfection and will make your mouth water. It can be a chief ingredient to making your meal a-oh-koye!

DESSERTS:

"E-LI"ME PIE: A very subtle dessert, with not too much going on personality or presentation wise. But it is a giant sweet, that is at least better than a turnover.

RAYBERRY PIE: Only the finest rayberries are used to create this homemade masterpiece.

CLEVELAND BROWN-IE: The big dawg of the desserts, this is made for sharing, cause you can't handle it on your own!

HOT FUDGE SUN-DAYNE: A big five-scooper, topped with hot fudge, whipped cream, nuts and a deron cherry on top. Be ready for this one, cause it'd dayne-gerous!

MISSISSIPPI RUDD PIE: Down and dirty just like it's namesake, this is not for the small of stomach!

Well that concludes Soup-er Bowl Too, eat up kids!