Saturday, February 02, 2008


We are less than 24 hours away from the Super Bowl pregame show, so it's time for us to breakdown the big game as only we, and I guess maybe Nick Bakay, can. But first we want to wish a Happy Birthday to our beloved Uncle Jitter. We used the name for this post from a classic Seinfeld episode as a present to him! Now on with the show:
PATRIOTS: Red, white and navy blue, with a hint of silver.

GIANTS: Red, white and blue.

ADVANTAGE: New England

GIANTS: John Mara and Steve Tisch. Interesteingly enough, both owners attended school in the Boston area at some point. Mara's boring, but Tisch is responsible for Risky Business, the movie. That's right ladies, Tom Cruise in his underwear, brought to you courtesy of Steve Tisch.

PATRIOTS: Robert Kraft. Now those stupid blue dress shirts with the white collars aside, who doesn't love Kraft? I mean they are all about cheesiness for crying out loud! Now sure Wegman's Mac 'n' Cheese is pretty close and a whole heck of a lot cheaper, but, if I have the means, I'm probably going Kraft. They're my number one individually wrapped cheese slice and I will fight anyone who says different. (Note: We here at "Bitterness" do not condone violence and will not fight you over cheese, at least without a few beers in us.)

ADVANTAGE: Hmmm, cheese versus Tom Cruise in his underwear? Well Tom Cruise in his underwear is not nearly as good on a sandwich or pasta, so we're giving the nod to New England.


This one is already done for us! Check it out. Thanks Norm!

Advantage: New England

GIANTS: Famous Giants, let's see there's that giant the lived up the beanstalk, Iron Giant of course, Barry Bonds, and obviously Gheorge Muresan.

PATRIOTS: Um, well, there's the Adams' (Sam, John, John Quincy), Paul Revere, George Washington, Mistah Benjamin Franklin, and many others.

Advantage: Without Gheorghe "Smells like cabbage" Muresan, this would have been another easy win for New England, but with #77 (also Raymond Bourque's number) on the list we're calling it a push.


GIANTS: I'm sure most of you are well aware of the rumors that gangster Jimmy Hoffa is in fact buried under a Giants Stadium end zone. Although this is merely a myth that has supposedly been dispatched, it is the most auspicious thing going in the Meadowlands, other than Jason Kidd.

PATRIOTS: Gotta go back a ways, 1990, to be exact, for the whole Lisa Olson harassment scandal, but it's worth it. She of course was a female reporter who was "mind raped" by the Patriots when doing interviews in the locker room. Apparently women do not like it when men walk by them naked and fondle their genitals, who knew? Best quote from the ordeal, from then owner Victor Kiam, "she's a classic bitch", Class act all the way.

ADVANTAGE: New England


GIANTS: My Giant. Yes this was the big screen debut for Gheorge Muresan and he made the most of it. I don't have the official numbers here, but I beleive this was nominated for like 7 Oscars. Oh wait, that's Razzies. Oops! This was the first, and unfortunately the last, film for big Gheorghe. We really thought his career would take off, oh well.

PATRIOTS: The Patriot starring Mel "zeltov" Gibson and the recently departed Heath Ledger. Colonies versus the Red Coats in an epic struggle for freedom in the days of yore. Don't worry I won't give away the ending and tell you which side won.

ADVANTAGE: New England

I think it's pretty clear to see from this in-depth analysis, why the Patriots will triumph by a score of 37-11.

Enjoy the game and go commercials!

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