ROUNDOFFS: A DIP IN THE STREAM OF CONCIOUSNESS

Time for more Roundoffs, so pause your Dharma and Greg DVDs and dive right in!

Sunday Morning
Jordan Palmer (over the phone): Hey Dad guess who just moved ahead of your golden child Carson on the Bengal depth chart? That's right, me!

Ma Palmer: Oh my god!

Jordan: I know!

Pa Palmer: Wait, what happened to Carson?! Is he alive?! Has Marvin given up on the season?! Can you see him right now?!

Jordan: Dad, he's in the trainer's room he's fine.

Ma: My baby!

Pa: Jordan William Palmer, you tell me what in the sam hill is wrong with your brother right this instant!

Jordan: Oh for cryin out loud. He just bumped his elbow or something.

Pa: It must be serious if they're thinking of starting you.

Jordan: Well, I'm not exactly starting.

Ma: My babies!

Pa: Wait a minute I thought you were replacing him.

Jordan: No Dad, if you were listening, I just said I'm ahead of him on the depth chart.

Pa: So you still won't play?

Jordan: Well, there's always a chance. I mean Ryan could get hurt or not play well.

Pa: Ryan?! Who in the heck is Ryan?

Jordan: Ryan Fitzpatrick, dad. He's starting in place of Carson.

Pa: Oh, hohoho! That's rich! You're behind Ryan Fitzpatrick! He sounds like an American Idol contestant!

Jordan: What does that even mean?

Pa: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jordan: I'm hanging up now.

Pa: Give my best to Ryan! AHAHAHAHAHA!

FOOTBALL FRENZY
Talk about a crazy week in the NFL! But seriously could we slow down the "Jets looked like a playoff team this Sunday" talk? I mean, regardless of what they've accomplished this deep into the season, let's remember the Cardinals are still the Cardinals, 'til proven otherwise. I'll grant you not just anyone can trounce the Lions. Wait. What? Oh apparently anyone can trounce the Lions. Let's remember that Kurt Warner, who is actually 67 years old, still torched the Jets for for approximately 700 yards. I know everyone in the media wants Favre to be a success, because that's what they do. But beating the Cards and Dolphins is still not much to brag about.

Bye, bye Scott Linehan. I'd say you made a valiant effort, but, well, did you? Last I checked benching your QB and causing a player uprising is not one of the better ways to get a contract extension. That and not winning of course.

Not gonna lie, I did a double take, when I checked some scores from work Sunday, and Oakland, St.Louis, and Kansas City all had good chances of winning. Of course only one did. Win that is.

Though I don't know how much time that KC "W" added to the Hermanator's coaching life expectancy in the "Show Me State".

Lane Kiffin is still the coach of the Raiders

A short list of possible Matt Millen replacements,that probably couldn't be any worse: Hugh Millen, that tub of expired sour cream in my fridge, an alarm clock, George W. Bush. Hey, if I owned the Lions, I'd offer "W" a job. The only worry is if he excepted.

And in the "better late than never department" congrats to Bruce Smith and Ben Coates who were entered into their respective teams Hall of Fames. And yes, I mean Coates with the Patriots! You take that Ravens talk out of here in talk about it nevermore!

BITTERNESS AT THE BAT
We did it! We captured a Fantasy Baseball title! How you may ask? Well it was one part speed (on the basepaths that is), 3 parts pitching, 7 parts moxie, and 87 parts chicken wings, that became the recipe for the Muffin Tops rise to glory! Top of the muffin to you!

I'm tired of Ozzie Guillen, anyone else? I say let's give Fred "The Man" Manrique a shot! Either that or Ron Hassey.

Its amazing how much more MVP hype Dustin Pedroia is getting, when many argue he's not even the MVP of his own team. That would be Kevin Youkilis by the way.

If there's a more over hyped stat than K-Rod's number of saves, I can't find it. Plus it may hurt Bobby Thigpen's chances of being a first ballot Hall of Famer. More on this to come.

Last season I picked the Cubs and Brewers to make the playoffs. I am soooo going to put money on the teams I picked this year for next year's World Series!

Shea it ain't so Mets! With all the media going to the closing down of the "House that Chambliss built", very few even noticed or cared that they were closing down Shea Stadium (the House That Kranepool Built?) as well. And over the past month the Mets showed us why.

How about we hold back all the praise for Joe Maddon. I think we are missing the bigger picture here. As the Devil Rays, Tampa Bay was down trodden to say the least, never eclipsing 70 wins. But they lose the devil, and BAM!, they're a division winner. It doesn't take Encyclopedia Brown to put two and two together here kids. If only the Mets could get rid of the devil in their bullpen. But enough about Luis Ayala. Hi-yo! What? Yeah, I know I already bashed the Mets, but after that September they deserve it. Plus, its just so easy. This is the last one I promise.

If the Twins manage to capture the AL Central, that means we get an all dome division series! Yes, the way baseball was meant to be played, under teflon! Plus it renews that storied Twins-Rays rivalry from the 50s.

Yeah about the only thing I don't like about the Rays being in the playoffs, is having to watch playoff games in that eye sore they play in.

Okay maybe just one more Mets dig. The Mets bullpen couldn't smooth a silk sheet, if they had a hot date with a, aaaaahhh! I lost my train of thought.

I'm happy for the Brewers, but I think a lot of people are forgetting that CC Sabathia is a rather large American. As opposed to a rather larger American Leaguer, which he used to be. I say that because he's thrown a lot of innings and that'll wear down even the scrawniest of pitchers. I'm just saying the continued starts on short rest could catch um with "hamhock" at some point.

WE'RE AS COLD AS ICE!
This is where I'd love to put some NHL notes in but I don't really have any yet. But this is the year I get into hockey! I mean it! GO NORDIQUES!

SUNDAY NIGHT
Jon Kitna (over the phone): You are go for Jon Kitna.

Jordan Palmer: Hey Jon, it's Jordan.

Kitna: Hey Jordan, what can Jon Kitna do for you?

Jordan: I dunno. Same old stuff. You know, family and whatnot?

Kitna: Jon Kitna knows how that goes. Did you try talking to the man upstairs?

Jordan: The offensive coordinator?

Kitna: No! The Lord and Savior. He's helped Jon Kitna get through a lot of tough times. If it weren't for Him Jon Kitna would have never finished his award winning chili.

Jordan: You do make good chili.

Kitna: You are darn right Jon Kitna makes a good chili!

Jordan: But I don't know if making chili will help me with this Carson thing.

Kitna: Well, murder's not the answer, that's for sure. Jon Kitna knows that. Maybe a pot roast.

Jordan: Huh?

Kitna: MAYBE A POT ROAST!

Jordan: No, no. The murder thing?

Kitna: You're on the Bengals aren't ya?

Jordan: Okay Jon, I'm gonna go now.

Kitna: Kitna hears that JC. Plus Jon Kitna's gotta tend to his casserole.

Jordan: Okay Jon. I may not call next week.

Kitna: Hey stick with Jon Kitna and you'll be outta "Heisman's" shadow in no time!

Jordan: That seems untrue, but thanks, and I really have to go now Jon.

Kitna: Kitna wants JC to keep it real.
(silence)
Kitna: Jordan?(silence) JC? (silence) He'll call back.

HITTING THE LINKS:
Jayson Stark's wraps up the MLB season that is still going on as I type.
Don Banks snaps at you!
Drink this!

Rest in peace Paul Newman, you will be missed.

WEEK FOUR: THREE'S COMPANY, KITNA'S A CROWD

Week 3, was , well, exciting, perplexing, frustrating, just to name a few. Yet, we managed to go a nice little 10-6 for the week. However, The Monday Morning Quarterback and The Sports Guy had identical records, so the leader board stays exactly the same. Now, week 4 is a week where the lowly Lions can't lose! Matt Millen's departure is already paying dividends! Okay, okay, the Lions do have a bye, but that already makes it the best week of the Lions season, so far. Alright enough shenanigans on with the show!

DENVER @ KANSAS CITY: Good news for Chiefs fans: It seems the "Tyler Thigpen Experiment" is over! Bad news: The Broncos are coming to town. Broncos 31-10.

BROWNS @ BENGALS: The Bengals are actually favored in this game? Yep, that's how bad the Browns have looked. If the Browns aren't dominating the 'Gals (their new nickname until they win) at halftime, its time for Brady Quinn "Medicine Woman" to ride in and save the day! Why do I have the feeling the Browns are bringing a white stallion with them to every game from now on, so when BQ does come in, he can gallop in shirtless on the mighty steed? Now that's good PR! I don't know if it has come to that yet, but, with seasoning, Brady Quinn, without a doubt, the next Jon Kitna. You heard it here first folks. And finally the state of Ohio gets their first NFL victory of '08! First of at least 2! Bengals 15-12.

TEXANS @ JAGUARS: Seems like a bizarro world when Gus Frerotte and Sage Rosenfels are seen as season savers, right? If only the Mets could find some of that. Anyway, I feel like Sage could be this year's Derek Anderson. Matt Schaub will be this year's Matt Schaub. Jaguars 17-9.

CARDINALS @ JETS: A recent study over at ESPN.com's Page 2 or ESPN the magazine (sorry can't find the link at the moment), found the Cardinals to be the worst NFL franchise since the 1970 AFL-NFL merger. Brett Favre was number 7. Just kidding, but by their criterion he'd probably be somewhere near the top of the list. The question, though is will Broadway Brett even play in this one? Cards 28-27.

NINERS @ SAINTS: Maybe this'll get Niners fans to stop whining about their place in everyone's power rankings. Saints 35-21.

FALCONS @ PANTHERS: Let's not be too quick to get down on the Panthers. Their only loss was at the hands of future Hall of Famer Gus Frerotte. It would've happened to anyone who dared oppose the Vikes last week. Rest assured the Panthers are as stable as Steve Smith! Panthers 23-17.

VIKINGS @ TITANS: Gus Frerotte's Hall of Fame resume takes a minor hit at the hands of Albert Haynesworth and company. Has anyone seen any "Wait'll We Get Our Haynes...worth On You!" signs? Cause if not, I'm making one! C'mon, that's gold, right? Titans 17-12.

PACKERS @ BUCCANEERS: The Bucs are the enigma of the NFL. They can be good, but maybe they're only mediocre, I can't tell. What I can tell is the Packers should have an easier time with the Bucs than they did with the 'Boys. Packers 24-20.

BILLS @ RAMS: The Bills didn't fare so hot as big favorites last week against the Raaaaaaaidahs, so this could be a trap game for the Billsies. Personally though, I think they'll have learned from their mistakes. Now, as for the Rams? Was Marc Bulger really the problem? Is Trent Green really the answer? Despite the ever so charismatic Green taking the reigns of the offense, I'm gonna go with, no and, no. Bills 21-6.

CHARGERS @ RAIDERS: And just like that the Bolts are at .500! Chargers 35-13.

REDSKINS @ COWBOYS: The Redskins may surprise a few people in this one. Like some may be surprised at how much Romo to Owens can resemble Montana to Rice or how really poor the Skins offense can look. You know, things like that. No, but seriously the 'Skins will lose big, let's say 37-21.

EAGLES @ BEARS: Let's put it his way, Orton vs. McNabb. Even without Westbrook, the Eagles should manage. It's KYLE ORTON for pete sake! Eagles 21-17.

RAVENS @ STEELERS: Hmmm, no Willie Parker, banged up Roethlisberger, coming off a game where they were battered around by Philly, playing a physical ravens team on Monday night? Things not looking great for the Steel men. But Big Ben will play and we'll quickly get the 4-1-1 on Rashard Mendenhall. Now it sounds like they're in a pickle, but they're at Heinz and personally, we feel Mendenhall will be able to cut the mustard, and his performance Monday will be one he'll relish for a long time! Steelers 13-10.

Catch y'all on the flip side.

NEW AND IMPROVED ROUNDOFFS!

How exactly are they improved, you might ask? Um, well,let me think. Let's see, (inner monologue: don't tell them you didn't change anything, make something up. They're getting antsyyyy!) ummm, it no longer contains trans-fats? Plus we've added the Futile Fifteen! Alright moving on, here we go:

You'd think that anyone with Ronnie Brown on their team would be a lucky duck, right? Well, according to Kissing Suzy Kolber, about 75% of Brown owners, including yours truly, had him on the bench. And why wouldn't we? Not even Nostradamus would have predicted that little outburst! I also had Brian Griese on my bench, for those of you scoring at home.

The "Start Brady Quinn"movement continues to gather steam? Now, although we have long been a hater of BQ, we think now is the time to throw him to the wolves! I mean the next two weeks you've got Cincy and a bye week, sounds great! But let's check that schedule after the bye week shall we? The Brownies host the lowly Giants defense, then go to Washington and Jacksonville, host cupcakes Baltimore and Denver, then visit that weak defense in Buffalo. Gets a little better from there as they then host the Texans no-name defense, the Colts, then head to Tennessee to face that porous defense, come home to host the Iggles and their laid back, "let the game come to them" defense, and Cincy, then head to one of their favorite places to play, Heinz Field. I'd be surprised if Quinn was still upright by week 12. Is anyone else seeing how likely it is for the Browns to finish 3-13?

After watching the first three weeks of the NFL unfold, it doesn't seem that far fetched that the Patriots and Colts could miss the playoffs, or that the Bills could earn a first round bye. I also wouldn't be surprised if 7 wins was enough to win the NFC West.

Just a modest proposal, but how about calling Kevin Boss "The Big Boss Man"? If just to see a group of his fans dressed up like the former wrestler in the stands at Giants games. It may be hard to explain the baton and handcuffs to stadium security.

Is it just me or does the Football Night in America highlight show remind anyone of the baseball game in Naked Gun? You know, where they introduce the announcers of the game, and there's like 7 or 8 guys in the booth? My favorite part is where they show the bloopers before the game of the guy getting mauled by a jungle cat and Dick Enberg is in utter shock, while the announcer next to him (I wanna say Mel Allen) laughs uproariously. How about that? What a great flick!

When is ESPN gonna go full VH1 on us and have reality shows with has been, or never were, athletes? Maybe a Surreal Life-esque deal? Just thinking about cast possibilities makes me giggle. Imagine a second brother athlete SurrealLife? Let's see, we'll get Jeremy Giambi, Chris Gwynn, Dan McGwire, Brent Gretzky, whichever Barry brother (perhaps all three?), Gerald Wilkins (okay not 'Nique's brother, but I bet a lot of people thought he was.), Valeri Bure, Billy Ripken, possibly Danny Hurley and of course Ozzie Canseco is a must. Can't you just see Danny McGwire and Ozzie Canseco (who will immediately be dubbed OC or "Oz") being all chummy in the kitchen as they make their MegaMass drinks from GNC? The possibilities are limitless! But what I really want is for someone to somehow get OJ Simpson to mentor Ted Ginn, Jr.
for a show, just so it could be called Ginn and Juice.

THE FAYGO FUTILE FIFTEEN (Faygo in no way supports or endorses anything written herein)
15. Patriots: It's hurts me to put them in here, but how can I leave them off? Ronnie Brown? RONNIE "FLIPPING" BROWN?! Everyone outside of Patriots nation shares a loud laugh at the crumbling of a dynasty.

14. Bears after the half: They have looked sharp early, but have blown double digit second half leads in each of the last tow games. The Rams and Chiefs wish they were that lucky.

13. Texans "D"- I had a hard time putting them in here, after Ike and all, but Kerry Collins scrambled for 30, count 'em 30, yards against them. There's no excuse for that! I can only imagine what David Garrard will do to them next week.

12. Yankee Stadium Farewell: Well, not the farewell per se, but rather the fact that its happening at all. At least they snubbed "The Rocket".

11. Chiefs QB: It's said when Chiefs fans are wondering where their Gus Frerotte is.

10. Seahawks recieving corps: More cursed than the Chiefs QB slot? I mean Logan Payne? Courtney Taylor? Who are these guys?

9. Not ready for primetime Browns: With what may well be the toughest schedule down the stretch, Clevelanders might want to start seeing how the Cavs are looking.

8. JaMarcus Russell: He's completed 32 passes this season. Drew Brees does that in a game. And by comparison, on Sunday Brian Griese completed a little more than four times as many passes as Russell.

7. Matt Millen: Okay, seriously what kind of info is he blackmailing the Ford family with? Cause if has anything to do with them making crappy cars, that secret is already out of the bag.

6. Bengals Hurry-up?: Good job playing for a tie and then predictably losing in overtime. After the game Marvin Lewis should have said, "Hey, it's not always easy to get to 0-3!"

5. Herman Edwards: Is he even paying attention? During practice? The game? Any of it?

4. The "Show Me State": Looking ahead, there's a good chance that the state of Missouri will not have an NFL team win a game this season. If this happens, I say they play the Saturday before the Super Bowl at a neutral site for the #1 pick in April's draft.

3. Martin Grammatica: That must've be a long flight home. Do you think he still had his uniform on as he boarded the team charter?

2. Rams: Aside from, maybe, the Chiefs, is there a team they look like they can beat?

1. Lane Kiffin's job security: I wonder if its hard getting up for work each day, having everyone you work with and, well, everyone who follows the NFL, know you're gonna get fired?

"Is it possible for Tom Brady to win the MVP without playing a full game this year?"- Dan Patrick on Football Night in America

Although it may be a pretty crowded boat on Sunday night, it's good to see Patrick and Olbermann back together. They may be the best part of that show.

HITTING THE LINKS:
Jim Caple lists the 100 most important sports venues. And despite his disclaimer to preface it, there is still much room for debate. Sure I'm biased, but there's no way Camden Yards is #2 and Fenway doesn't crack the top ten.

How do you blog futility? Ask the Ramblin Fan or the Arrowhead Addict.

And we are out!

WEEK THREE: THE KITNA ULTIMATUM

Before we recap last weeks picks and move on to this weeks picks, we would like to introduce a whole new segment here at "Bitterness". You see, we do not have any power rankings. Power rankings you say? Yes, power rankings. But instead of something that gives you the best, like Peter King's weekly "Fine Fifteen", we are gonna give you the worst! Yes folks we are officially introducing our "Futile Fifteen"! Each week we will count down the worst fifteen things going in the NFL. Excited? I thought you might be. So here we go:

15. Colts offensive line. They just edged the Jags O-line for this illustrious honor.

14. Mike Holmgren's swan song. The "swan song" thing always annoys me for some reason. The good news is the Seahawks play in the NFC West. Bad news is they have no receivers.

13. The CBS pre and post games shows. Can someone please shut Shannon Sharpe up!

12. Instant replay malfunction? I've been against technology for years! Now, at least Norv Turner is on my side.

11. Rams-Giants. This was the the #1 game FOX had to offer? Hey FOX, here's an idea, try and pick a game with two good teams that you can highlight.

10. Phil Simms. What are you saying?! Learn the definition of words, before using them on national television.

9. Vince Young's mental toughness. Things will become really bad,when he turns to Ryan Leaf for guidance. Over under of four years before Vince Young starts participating in illegal cockfighting.

8. Tavaris Jackson. To be honest, when he appeared last year, I had no idea who he was. Bet Vikings fans wish they could turn back time to when they'd never heard of him.

7. Matt Millen and the Lions front office. I think the Lions play pretty much explains this.

6. Miami. Not just the Dolphins, the whole city.

5. Javon Walker. Mostly because he's on my fantasy team and is not playing. That and he seems like a ginormous jerk.

4. JeMarcus Russell. Good thing he had a running game behind him and was playing the Chiefs.

3. The Chiefs Quarterbacks. Right now the most unwanted position in sports. Tyler Thigpen? They'd be just as good with Bobby Thigpen.

2. Ed "Hercules" Hochuli malfunction. Normally a very good ref, has his whole career tainted in a matter of minutes. But at least he's "jacked". I wouldn't wanna meet him in a dark alley.

1. Rams. Do you think there's anything more futile in the NFL?

and now on with the picks.

We were a solid 8-6-1 in week 2, tying us with Peter King, while the Sports Guy went to 6-8-1. Now we couldn't find PKs week one picks, so we had to decide what to do. We could 1) just keep going, omitting King's week one record and using percentage points, b) start everyone on week 2 or 4) just give him a .500 record for week one. What the heck we'll try all three.

Under the option 1: Bitterness: 15-15-1, Sports Guy: 12-18-1, MMQB: 8-6-1
Under option B: Bitterness: 8-6-1, Sports Guy: 6-8-1, MMQB: 8-6-1
Under option 4: Bitterness: 15-15-1, Sports Guy: 12-18-1, MMQB: 16-14-1

And now for week three...

CHIEFS @ FALCONS: Tyler Thigpen? Really? If the Chiefs are gonna have a chance, LJ'll need to carry the ball more than 12 times. Not to mention they'll have to stop Michael Turner. Falcons soar 24-10.

RAIDERS @ BILLS: "Three and oh, Buff-a-lo!" will have a nice ring to it. When was the last time the Bills were favored by almost double digits? Bills romp 23-9.

TEXANS @ TITANS: Texans will be an emotional favorite, but the Titans defense is too much for "Cotton" Schaub. Titans 17-6.

BENGALS @ GIANTS: The Giants have a good defense, but who have the stopped? The Deadskins and the worst team in football? The Bengals are at least a couple blocks away from the worst, but they're not good either. Ocho Cinco, Ocho Quattro better start getting things done and fast. Giants 27-21.

CARDINALS @ REDSKINS: The Cardinals could be the best team in the NFC West. Which, I realize, is like being the skinniest kid at fat camp, but they could be good? They're probably just as good as the Saints. Cards 28-24.

DOLPHINS @ PATRIOTS: Jets beat the Dolphins, Patriots beat the Jets. Its the transitive property at its finest. Pats 19-6.

BUCCANEERS @ BEARS: I'm not gonna be expecting a shootout here. This'll be won in the trenches and will probably be a good, close game. I like Griese to outdo Orton though. Bucs 7-6

PANTHERS @ VIKINGS: Name Gus Frerotte starting QB and all of the sudden you're a favorite? Um, is everyone aware that the Panthers get Steve Smith back this week? Panthers 31-18.

RAMS @ SEAHAWKS: The Seahawks may actually beat someone! It's true! 'Hawks 24-8.

LIONS @ 49ERS: Mike Martz Bowl? JT O'Sullivan Bowl? Either way you look at it I expect the Niners to hand the Lions a loss. Kitna vs. O'Sullivan, baby! I can only assume this is the FOX game of the week, right? Niners 37-21.

SAINTS @ BRONCOS: The Broncos can do no wrong, scoring points like they're going out of style. The Saints defense is not all that good, even when healthy. You do the math. Broncos 38-31.

STEELERS @ EAGLES: The "Keystone Bowl" should be a doozy! The Eagles were within one mistake of beating the Cowboys who are widely considered to be the best team in football in this young season. Steelers are in a lot of people's top three. So we should be in for a treat. Eagles 24-20.

JAGUARS @ COLTS: This match-up has lost a lot of its luster, with both teams being very mediocre in the first two weeks. Both squads are playing with patchwork O-lines, so this should be low scoring. Colts 10-6.

NEWER BROWNS @ OLD BROWNS: Ah the "Brownie Bowl". Mmmmm, brownie bowl. Seems like a long time since the Old Browns played last, which could have them rusty. Or refreshed? Time for the New Browns to live up to their preseason billing. New Browns 21-17.

COWBOYS @ PACKERS: Aaron Rodgers has looked good, but this is gonna be a bit tougher than the Vikings or Lions, who are a combined 0-4. Pack will be close for awhile, but the 'Boys will pull away late. 31-21.

JETS @ CHARGERS: Chargers need to put the last two weeks behind them and focus on the gunslinger they got rolling into town. Look for Philip Rivers to have a big game. Chargers 37-23.

THE MAILBAG RETURNETH!

Yes, indeed! It is time to open up the old mailbag once again. And since it has been so long since the last time we opened her up, there is a rather large amount of mail to get to. Now, that being said, we’re gonna try and keep it current, so any Olympic related questions (yes even those involving the steeple chase), and other less current mail, will have to take a back seat. So, away we go:


Matt C, from Foxborough or Foxboro, MA asks, Are the Patriots Super Bowl chances all but dashed with pretty boy Brady out for the season? I mean thought Matt "Sand" Cassel loked pretty decent against the Jets.


Decent is good,but it is not the stuff Super Bowls rings are built on. Although Trent Dilfer has one, so who knows. (On a side note, do you think Trent Dilfer is honored or offended that his name is the one that almost always pops up when downplaying the equivalent of winning a Super Bowl with being a great quarterback?) I would say the Patriots will definitely find a way to make the playoffs one way or another. Now I know some are pointing the semi-similar situation that occurred in 2001 when Tom Brady took over. Now, both Cassel and Brady were thrust into the QB1 role due to an injury, but that is where the similarities stop. But, much like they did with Brady in ’01, the Patriots will simplify the game plan for Cassel, as evidenced Sunday in the Meadowlands. There’s also the fact that Cassel has been with the team a lot longer than Brady had been before he came into his first game. I don’t think the Pats will win the Super Bowl, but with the odds against them, might not be a bad idea to throw some money down. (Bitterness in no way, shape or form endorses any illegal gambling of any kind.)

Flipper A., of Los Angeles,CA inquires, Are the Rams the worst team in football right now?

Yes.

Ned Y. from Wilwaukee, WI is curious about managerial firings: What's the deal with firing a manager in the heat of a playoff race, with a mere twelve games to go? If teams continue to fall apart in September, when do they start looking at the players?

Well Neddy, all I can tell you is if the players don't generally take to manager, and they're not playing well, that's a sure fire way to be handed a one way ticket out of town. But, you're right Willie Randolph's team came apart at the seems last year, came into this season with lofty expectations, didn't perform close to those lofty expectations, and Willie is gone mid-season. When the initial change was made the Mets got hot, but are now, much like last year, stumbling down the home stretch, clinging to playoff life. So I ask, how much of this has to do with the manager, and how much has to do with the players? In the case of the Brewers, players were pushing for a change, but this is not something you should do when you are right in a playoff race with just a fortnight of regular season baseball to go. I mean, this can't be an epiphany by the players. One giant light bulb couldn't have turned on over the entire clubhouse and they were like, "Shoot! We're struggling now, cuz we dun don't like our manager!" Well, now it's put up or shut up time for the players, with their "excuse" gone.

Rick S. of the Windy City writes, "Is this finally the year for the Cubbies? I mean, wouldn't just be absolutely fitting for them to win on the 100th anniversary of their last World Series win? And what do you think would be the most watched World Series pairing?

Wow, Rick, good stuff. The Cubs have always been by second favorite team behind the BoSox, and I was pumped at the possibility of a Cubs-Sox series in '03. Of course we all know how that turned out. The Cubbies definitely have a great chance. They should be able to at least, win the National League Pennant, but from there it's a bit more dicey. The Angels are scary good, and we all know the Red Sox are a tough draw in October, but I would say they could hang with any of the possible AL reps. Even though the Red Sox have ditched their curse and heartbreaking ways, I still think a Cubs-Red Sox World Series would give the best ratings. After that a Windy City series could be good, but maybe just slightly more intriguing than the Subway Series. I would personally hate a Rays-Cubs series, just because I'd have to be cheering for the Cubs, but you gotta like the feisty Rays. I think if the Cubs are in it, you are bound to have a lot of viewers, watching to see of the Cubbies can, in fact "Reverse the Curse".

Aaron R., of Green Bay is sick of Favre: When are we gonna hear the end of Brett Favre and his magical, gunslinging ways? I mean I haven't seen anything special thus far with the Jets. One of those brilliant Favre balls that was just lobbed up there and caught in Miami, is probably an interception against half the teams in the league. He's had a great career, but let's cut the cord people! His replacement in Green Bay, who he kept sidelined longer than hoped or expected, is putting up better numbers and has a better record!

Jeez Aaron, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel. But seriously, I could not agree more. I mean are we supposed to be amazed that he managed to beat a Dolphins team that has won one game in its last 20 tries, including being thumped in Zona? The best was Phil Simms singing his praises and making excuses for Favre, like it's too hot for the old man. Than Phil Simms actually says, "I'm not overstating here." Actually Phil you are. Can someone get Mr.Simms a Dictionary? It was also mentioned in the pregame that there were rumblings around the Meadowlands and New York about a Super Bowl run. Really? Based on escaping Miami with a win? By that rationale, better start the Super Bowl talk in Arizona, Baltimore and Atlanta. I used to be a huge Favre fan, but his offseason antics have grown tired and he needs to just fade off into the sunset, like any old gunslinger.

Norv T. of San Diego, CA is none to pleased with the way things went down in Denver on Sunday. He writes, Have you ever seen such poor officiating? How do the Chargers rebound from this?

Well, the Steelers-Seahawks Super Bowl comes to mind, and I'm sure there are others. Some people have brought up the fact that although the call was missed, the Chargers still had to merely stop the Broncos. They didn't, and gave up not only the touchdown, but also the winning 2-point conversion. But really Denver shouldn't have had that opportunity and that's the bottom line. If I'm San Diego I'd be more concerned with the fact that there stellar defense has been lit up by both the Panthers and the Broncos. The Chargers have to put these first two weeks behind them and focus on the next 15 and beyond. They are still a playoff contender and need to start playing like it!

Roscoe P. from Lockwood, NY inquires, Even though the season's only two weeks deep, have you changed any of your preseason predictions? Perhaps with the Bills as a playoff team?

Well, as a matter of fact I have. I am now thoroughly convinced that the Vikings will not be a playoff team. This happens every time I pick the Vikings to do something, they stink up the joint. And yes, even with Gus Frerotte at the helm I think the Vikes are not playoff bound. I also fell into the trap of thinking the Browns could live up to the hype. They're the classic "it" team that gets so close one year, an then falls off the table the next, when they can no longer take anyone by surprise. The there's the Jaguars. They still could be good, if they ever get their offensive line back. The Bills are definitely playoff material. (Loud sound of simultaneous knocking on wood by every single Bills fan reading this. Yes all three of them.) They play solid defense and great special teams, plus they've already beaten the supposed "Best of the NFC West" in the Seahawks. Which means they still have the Niners, Cardinals and Rams to go. Plus they also have Oakland and Kansas City and then Miami twice. Now that should be a good seven wins right there. Which means they really only need like 2 or 3 wins from there other seven games. Now it's hard to dismiss what a great job they are doing in Buffalo, but that'll beg the question, who have they really played? Especially if the Jags and 'Hawks continue to struggle I mean seven of their wins will be against the dregs of the NFL. But, all that'll matter come playoff time is the record, and just try arguing with a Bills fans about how good they really are. Go ahead, I dare you. You'd have better luck debating evolution with the Catholic church.

Alright last one(s). Several mailers wanted to know how my fantasy football squads are looking.

Well, I am in a 16 team league. That's right, 16. Now I was able to grab Tom Brady with my first pick (passing TDs are scored the same as every other TD in this league) and was happy. But I'm not stupid, or so it might seem, I knew that I would need a solid backup, if only for Brady's bye week. So I drafted Jeff Garcia in the later rounds. But, as you know, come week 2, neither one was starting, which left me without a QB. So to answer your questions about my fantasy chances, I give you this: Sunday morning I was actually trying to choose a starting QB from the likes of Kerry Collins, Damon Huard and Brian Griese. So you tell me how my fantasy team is looking. Of course this Sunday I will more than likely throw Gus Frerotte into that debate. Awesome.

WEEK TWO: HIGHWAY TO THE KITNA ZONE

Okay, so we were a bit all over the place in week one, going 7-9 against the spread. But as mentioned last week, in week one anything can and will happen. Yes we were a bit harsh on the Bears and our sleepers (Redskins,Texans) are apparently still sleeping. But we did manage to edge the Sports Guy who was 6-10, giving us the early lead in this years pickoff against someone who does not know they are competing. But that's the past, let's move to the future and our week 2 picks.

RAIDERS @ CHIEFS: It's really hard to consider picking the Raiders to beat anyone. Yes, even the Chiefs. KC 17-7.

BENGALS @ TITANS: The Bengals are actually favored in this one?! Sure it's by a mere point, but still. I mean the Bengals are not good, while the Titans beat Jacksonville, who is believed by many to be a serious contender. Plus it's in Tenessee! Jeff Fisher can probably skate by the lowly Bengals with Kerry Collins or Chris Simms. Heck, lure Steve McNair out of retirement and I give the Titans a fighting chance. Let's break it down here. Cincy has a questionable ground game, a once promising QB who appears to be more like the little puppy that lost his way, and a defense that hasn't stopped anyone in the last decade. The Titans have a stellar defense and experienced, decent, QB, with a pretty solid ground game. Yeah, I'm taking the Titans 21-17.

COLTS @ VIKINGS: I'm far from an expert in, well, anything, but I've got a hunch that Peyton Manning and the Colts are a little disappointed in how there season started and will be looking to avenge that loss in week two. The Colts were a bit out of sync in the opener, but should rebound in the land of ten thousand lakes. If they can shut sown Adrian Petersen, which could be the deciding factor. But personally, I look for a big day from Peyton Manning. Colts 31-24.

REDSKINS @ SAINTS: This is a pick 'em game?! Really? Saints alive! Now, I did pick the 'Skins as my NFC sleeper team, but I have quickly seen the error of my ways. The Saints have just a tad bit more offensive firepower than the Giants, so it could be a long day for the Washington defense. Saints 31-21.

LIONS @ PACKERS: Well Aaron Rodgers is no gunslinger. He does NOT lead the league in smiling. He may not love the game as much as a certain Jets QB (Hint: it's not Kellen Clemens or Brett Ratliff). But he sure was efficient on Monday night in a very solid winning effort. The Lions defense is few notches down from the Vikes, soooo...... not even Kitna can save the Lions now. Packers 27-17.

BEARS @ PANTHERS: This just in, the Bears defense is still good. That being said, let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet. I'm not sold on the Bears as a contender. But I'll buy up some Jake Delhomme stock, that's for sure! Panthers 24-20.

GIANTS @ RAMS: St. Louis fans best get ready for hockey or college basketball season, cause the Rams are not very good at football. The Eagles put up a crooked score on the board last week against the Rammers, and that could be a continuing trend in St. Louis this year. Kevin Kolb even came in to go 5-6 for like 80 some odd yards, so even Eli should be able to have a good day. Giants 31-9.

BILLS @ JAGUARS: This should be one of the best games of the week. The Bills are for real, and are a serious playoff contender. I had the Jags going to the AFC Championship game. To me this is just about a toss up game. But the Bills should make it a long afternoon for Mr. Garrard. Bills 21-17.

FALCONS @ BUCCANEERS: Nice Falcon debuts for Micheal Turner and Matty Ryan, but the Lions are hardly the gold standard of defense in the NFL. I'm not saying the Bucs are the gold standard, but they are definitely in the upper echelon. Let's just say this'll give us a little better idea of where the Dirty Birds are at. Bucs 28-24.

49ERS @ SEAHAWKS: What better way to rebound from a 34-10 shellacking, than by hosting the 49ERs? The 'Hawks are still the class of the NFC West, for whatever that's worth. Seahawks 30-21.

DOLPHINS @ CARDINALS: This one should actually be a good game. Well, okay, maybe not good, but close? Yeah, close. The Dolphins were right in it with the juggernaut that is the J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS, so they should be able to hang with Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal. 'Phins 23-20.

PATRIOTS @ JETS: You know when Drew Bledsoe went down and 4th string quarterback Tom Brady came in, many thought the Patriots season was over. All they did that season was win the Super Bowl. Of course, it hadn't been roughly a decade since Tom had started a game prior to that, so who knows? But what you must always remember is that Bill Bilichik is downright dirty cheater, so the Patriots will find a way to win with Matt Cassel at the helm. But, maybe not this week, since Eric Mangini is most likely extra paranoid whenever his mentor strolls into town, and will be looking for anything not on the level. Pats 7-5.

RAVENS @ TEXANS: I gotta stick with my AFC sleeper, despite what happened in week one. Yes, the Texans will put that Steelers game right out of their heads and take it to the Ravens. The Ravens only managed 17 point against the Bengals defense, so look for Demeco Ryans and Mario Williams to wreak havoc on whoever is trying to QB the Ravens to victory in week two. Texans 27-10.

CHARGERS @ BRONCOS: Even without Shawne Merriman, the Chargers should be able to hassle Jay Cutlery enough. They should at least be able to keep JC from approaching the 300 yard mark. Plus the Super Chargers will be looking to forget what happened in week one, and that's bad news for the Broncs. Chargers 27-22.

STEELERS @ BROWNS: The Steelers have momentum, the Brownies do not. I gotta feeling it'll be a long night for Browns fans. The Browns '08 primetime debut may not be pretty. Steelers 27-10.

EAGLES @ COWBOYS: Both teams seem to be clicking right from the get go, but I felllike right at this moment the Cowboys are slightly better. But will the Jessica Simpson curse kick in? Jess talked some trash to the Eagles on Good Moring America, before having a terrible performance of her own. And you know this is sure to motivate regular GMA watcher Andy Reid. Iggles 31-27.

And now you know......the rest of the story.

WEEK ONE: RIGHTEOUS KITNA

Yes, yes, yes! After a quarter year hiatus, "Bitterness" is back, baby! The cobwebs have been dusted off an we are ready to go! Now do to a recent move, the old internet machine access is sparse, so pardon our appearance whilst we get back into the swing of things. So here we go with our quick-hitting week one NFL Picks:

REDSKINS @ GIANTS: Okay, okay, this already happened and I can admit I was gonna pick the upset, because clearly I forgot the 'Skins are, well, not good. But that didn't stop me from picking them as my NFC sleeper team. And with Thursday's thriller I stand by that! I'm even keeping that game on tape to play at bedtime to help me sleep! Get it, cause it was (yawn) unexciting, and that's putting it mildly. I'm also dozing off just thinking about it. It ranks slightly higher than watching paint dry, which is quite an underrated event. Skins 28-10.

BENGALS @ RAVENS: Ick! Good god, why would I even care? Although Chad Ocho Cinco should provide some highlights I guess. Remember when the Bengals were up and coming? Curse of Kitna continues. Um, Bengals 31-21.

JETS @ DOLPHINS: Doesn't take long for Chad Pennington to get a crack at his former mates. Jets have high hopes, and while I would never really go out and root for the 'Phins, part of me wants Favre and the Jets to fall flat on their faces, but I don't think it'll happen this week. Jets 35-23

CHIEFS @ PATRIOTS: You know there are a lot of teams that would have a shot at knocking off the Pats in week one. Unfortunately, the Chiefs aren't one of them. Nothing builds a secondary's confidence better than playing against Brodie Croyle. Plus, if Croyle struggles it's on to Damon Huard, and then I think Elvis Grbac or Steve Bono? Patriots 31-3.

TEXANS @ STEELERS: This is upset special of week one, as the Steelers will fail to "Stump the Schaub". Mario Williams will have 8 sacks and Andre Johnson will have roughly 200 yards receiving en route to a rout. Okay maybe that's a tad bit hyperbolic, but I gotta support my AFC sleeper, right? Texans 28-24

JAGUARS @ TITANS: The Jags are my AFC runner-ups, but I have hunch the much hyped Floridian team will get upset in Tenessee. Really just a hunch, nothing statistical whatsoever to back this up. Titans 14-13

LIONS@ FALCONS: Kitna vs. Ryan! Why this is not a primetime game, I have no idea? But seriously the winner of this is about one sixth of the way to their season win total. Lions 33-30

SEAHAWKS @ BILLS: I like the Bills, and what they're doing, a lot, but the Seahawks are a tough opener. Bills will play 'em tight, but it's more heartbreak and heartburn (from the Buffalo wings of course) for Bills fans. 'Hawks 17-14.

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS: These are the two teams I've seen as being picked to win this division this season. What the Bucs have against them is that no team has one back to back NFC South titles. This will be no "Brees" for the Saints, but they should pull it out. Saints 27-21.

EAGLES @ RAMS: In theory this should be easy for the Eagles, but it's week one and anything can and will happen, which is true of every week I guess. Eagles 35-20

COWBOYS @ BROWNS: The Browns are the up and comers this year, so I predict they either flourish under the spotlight or crumple under the pressure. No middle ground folks. And its not an easy start either, with Dallas coming to town. The Cowboys are poised for a Super Bowl run and should get off on the right foot here. Cowboys 28-27

PANTHERS @ CHARGERS: Yes I picked the Panthers to make the playoffs but I picked the Chargers to win the whole frickin' thing, so I think you know where I'm gonna go with this. Panthers 42-17. Just kidding! I'm stupid, but not that stupid! Chargers 38-17

CARDINALS @ 49ERS: The JT O'Sullivan era begins in the bay area. Yep "Jitter" was the preseason winner of the QB battle. The losers? 49ers fans. Cards 25-13

BEARS @ COLTS: C'mon Sorgi vs. Orton! C'mon Sorgi vs.Orton! C'mon Sorgi vs. Orton! Sorgi vs. Orton? Sounds like a match for the octagon, if you ask me. Sorgi or Manning, I'm still picking the Colts. Heck, I'd even give Jack Trudeau a fighting chance. Colts 28-15

VIKINGS @ PACKERS: And the primetime QB battles continue! Aaron Rodgers vs. Tavaris Jackson. Now that's gonna put behinds in the seats! This will be a matter of who runs better, and plus I declare the winner of this the division champ! Now, sure that means nothing and they will still proceed to play the other 15 games, but I stand by my statement! Packers 21-17.

BRONCOS @ RAIDERS: Once again the Raiders are opening in primetime. Honestly? Who is it that actually thinks the Raiders are worth watching? Well, okay maybe some people want to see how McFadden and Russell will fare, but still. I guess it's a moot point, as I'll have been asleep for hours once this one wraps up. So I guess I'll pick the Broncos 27-20.

Well there you have it, your official "Bitterness" week one picks! Enjoy the games!