WEEK THREE: THE KITNA ULTIMATUM

Before we recap last weeks picks and move on to this weeks picks, we would like to introduce a whole new segment here at "Bitterness". You see, we do not have any power rankings. Power rankings you say? Yes, power rankings. But instead of something that gives you the best, like Peter King's weekly "Fine Fifteen", we are gonna give you the worst! Yes folks we are officially introducing our "Futile Fifteen"! Each week we will count down the worst fifteen things going in the NFL. Excited? I thought you might be. So here we go:

15. Colts offensive line. They just edged the Jags O-line for this illustrious honor.

14. Mike Holmgren's swan song. The "swan song" thing always annoys me for some reason. The good news is the Seahawks play in the NFC West. Bad news is they have no receivers.

13. The CBS pre and post games shows. Can someone please shut Shannon Sharpe up!

12. Instant replay malfunction? I've been against technology for years! Now, at least Norv Turner is on my side.

11. Rams-Giants. This was the the #1 game FOX had to offer? Hey FOX, here's an idea, try and pick a game with two good teams that you can highlight.

10. Phil Simms. What are you saying?! Learn the definition of words, before using them on national television.

9. Vince Young's mental toughness. Things will become really bad,when he turns to Ryan Leaf for guidance. Over under of four years before Vince Young starts participating in illegal cockfighting.

8. Tavaris Jackson. To be honest, when he appeared last year, I had no idea who he was. Bet Vikings fans wish they could turn back time to when they'd never heard of him.

7. Matt Millen and the Lions front office. I think the Lions play pretty much explains this.

6. Miami. Not just the Dolphins, the whole city.

5. Javon Walker. Mostly because he's on my fantasy team and is not playing. That and he seems like a ginormous jerk.

4. JeMarcus Russell. Good thing he had a running game behind him and was playing the Chiefs.

3. The Chiefs Quarterbacks. Right now the most unwanted position in sports. Tyler Thigpen? They'd be just as good with Bobby Thigpen.

2. Ed "Hercules" Hochuli malfunction. Normally a very good ref, has his whole career tainted in a matter of minutes. But at least he's "jacked". I wouldn't wanna meet him in a dark alley.

1. Rams. Do you think there's anything more futile in the NFL?

and now on with the picks.

We were a solid 8-6-1 in week 2, tying us with Peter King, while the Sports Guy went to 6-8-1. Now we couldn't find PKs week one picks, so we had to decide what to do. We could 1) just keep going, omitting King's week one record and using percentage points, b) start everyone on week 2 or 4) just give him a .500 record for week one. What the heck we'll try all three.

Under the option 1: Bitterness: 15-15-1, Sports Guy: 12-18-1, MMQB: 8-6-1
Under option B: Bitterness: 8-6-1, Sports Guy: 6-8-1, MMQB: 8-6-1
Under option 4: Bitterness: 15-15-1, Sports Guy: 12-18-1, MMQB: 16-14-1

And now for week three...

CHIEFS @ FALCONS: Tyler Thigpen? Really? If the Chiefs are gonna have a chance, LJ'll need to carry the ball more than 12 times. Not to mention they'll have to stop Michael Turner. Falcons soar 24-10.

RAIDERS @ BILLS: "Three and oh, Buff-a-lo!" will have a nice ring to it. When was the last time the Bills were favored by almost double digits? Bills romp 23-9.

TEXANS @ TITANS: Texans will be an emotional favorite, but the Titans defense is too much for "Cotton" Schaub. Titans 17-6.

BENGALS @ GIANTS: The Giants have a good defense, but who have the stopped? The Deadskins and the worst team in football? The Bengals are at least a couple blocks away from the worst, but they're not good either. Ocho Cinco, Ocho Quattro better start getting things done and fast. Giants 27-21.

CARDINALS @ REDSKINS: The Cardinals could be the best team in the NFC West. Which, I realize, is like being the skinniest kid at fat camp, but they could be good? They're probably just as good as the Saints. Cards 28-24.

DOLPHINS @ PATRIOTS: Jets beat the Dolphins, Patriots beat the Jets. Its the transitive property at its finest. Pats 19-6.

BUCCANEERS @ BEARS: I'm not gonna be expecting a shootout here. This'll be won in the trenches and will probably be a good, close game. I like Griese to outdo Orton though. Bucs 7-6

PANTHERS @ VIKINGS: Name Gus Frerotte starting QB and all of the sudden you're a favorite? Um, is everyone aware that the Panthers get Steve Smith back this week? Panthers 31-18.

RAMS @ SEAHAWKS: The Seahawks may actually beat someone! It's true! 'Hawks 24-8.

LIONS @ 49ERS: Mike Martz Bowl? JT O'Sullivan Bowl? Either way you look at it I expect the Niners to hand the Lions a loss. Kitna vs. O'Sullivan, baby! I can only assume this is the FOX game of the week, right? Niners 37-21.

SAINTS @ BRONCOS: The Broncos can do no wrong, scoring points like they're going out of style. The Saints defense is not all that good, even when healthy. You do the math. Broncos 38-31.

STEELERS @ EAGLES: The "Keystone Bowl" should be a doozy! The Eagles were within one mistake of beating the Cowboys who are widely considered to be the best team in football in this young season. Steelers are in a lot of people's top three. So we should be in for a treat. Eagles 24-20.

JAGUARS @ COLTS: This match-up has lost a lot of its luster, with both teams being very mediocre in the first two weeks. Both squads are playing with patchwork O-lines, so this should be low scoring. Colts 10-6.

NEWER BROWNS @ OLD BROWNS: Ah the "Brownie Bowl". Mmmmm, brownie bowl. Seems like a long time since the Old Browns played last, which could have them rusty. Or refreshed? Time for the New Browns to live up to their preseason billing. New Browns 21-17.

COWBOYS @ PACKERS: Aaron Rodgers has looked good, but this is gonna be a bit tougher than the Vikings or Lions, who are a combined 0-4. Pack will be close for awhile, but the 'Boys will pull away late. 31-21.

JETS @ CHARGERS: Chargers need to put the last two weeks behind them and focus on the gunslinger they got rolling into town. Look for Philip Rivers to have a big game. Chargers 37-23.