WEEK ONE: RIGHTEOUS KITNA

Yes, yes, yes! After a quarter year hiatus, "Bitterness" is back, baby! The cobwebs have been dusted off an we are ready to go! Now do to a recent move, the old internet machine access is sparse, so pardon our appearance whilst we get back into the swing of things. So here we go with our quick-hitting week one NFL Picks:

REDSKINS @ GIANTS: Okay, okay, this already happened and I can admit I was gonna pick the upset, because clearly I forgot the 'Skins are, well, not good. But that didn't stop me from picking them as my NFC sleeper team. And with Thursday's thriller I stand by that! I'm even keeping that game on tape to play at bedtime to help me sleep! Get it, cause it was (yawn) unexciting, and that's putting it mildly. I'm also dozing off just thinking about it. It ranks slightly higher than watching paint dry, which is quite an underrated event. Skins 28-10.

BENGALS @ RAVENS: Ick! Good god, why would I even care? Although Chad Ocho Cinco should provide some highlights I guess. Remember when the Bengals were up and coming? Curse of Kitna continues. Um, Bengals 31-21.

JETS @ DOLPHINS: Doesn't take long for Chad Pennington to get a crack at his former mates. Jets have high hopes, and while I would never really go out and root for the 'Phins, part of me wants Favre and the Jets to fall flat on their faces, but I don't think it'll happen this week. Jets 35-23

CHIEFS @ PATRIOTS: You know there are a lot of teams that would have a shot at knocking off the Pats in week one. Unfortunately, the Chiefs aren't one of them. Nothing builds a secondary's confidence better than playing against Brodie Croyle. Plus, if Croyle struggles it's on to Damon Huard, and then I think Elvis Grbac or Steve Bono? Patriots 31-3.

TEXANS @ STEELERS: This is upset special of week one, as the Steelers will fail to "Stump the Schaub". Mario Williams will have 8 sacks and Andre Johnson will have roughly 200 yards receiving en route to a rout. Okay maybe that's a tad bit hyperbolic, but I gotta support my AFC sleeper, right? Texans 28-24

JAGUARS @ TITANS: The Jags are my AFC runner-ups, but I have hunch the much hyped Floridian team will get upset in Tenessee. Really just a hunch, nothing statistical whatsoever to back this up. Titans 14-13

LIONS@ FALCONS: Kitna vs. Ryan! Why this is not a primetime game, I have no idea? But seriously the winner of this is about one sixth of the way to their season win total. Lions 33-30

SEAHAWKS @ BILLS: I like the Bills, and what they're doing, a lot, but the Seahawks are a tough opener. Bills will play 'em tight, but it's more heartbreak and heartburn (from the Buffalo wings of course) for Bills fans. 'Hawks 17-14.

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS: These are the two teams I've seen as being picked to win this division this season. What the Bucs have against them is that no team has one back to back NFC South titles. This will be no "Brees" for the Saints, but they should pull it out. Saints 27-21.

EAGLES @ RAMS: In theory this should be easy for the Eagles, but it's week one and anything can and will happen, which is true of every week I guess. Eagles 35-20

COWBOYS @ BROWNS: The Browns are the up and comers this year, so I predict they either flourish under the spotlight or crumple under the pressure. No middle ground folks. And its not an easy start either, with Dallas coming to town. The Cowboys are poised for a Super Bowl run and should get off on the right foot here. Cowboys 28-27

PANTHERS @ CHARGERS: Yes I picked the Panthers to make the playoffs but I picked the Chargers to win the whole frickin' thing, so I think you know where I'm gonna go with this. Panthers 42-17. Just kidding! I'm stupid, but not that stupid! Chargers 38-17

CARDINALS @ 49ERS: The JT O'Sullivan era begins in the bay area. Yep "Jitter" was the preseason winner of the QB battle. The losers? 49ers fans. Cards 25-13

BEARS @ COLTS: C'mon Sorgi vs. Orton! C'mon Sorgi vs.Orton! C'mon Sorgi vs. Orton! Sorgi vs. Orton? Sounds like a match for the octagon, if you ask me. Sorgi or Manning, I'm still picking the Colts. Heck, I'd even give Jack Trudeau a fighting chance. Colts 28-15

VIKINGS @ PACKERS: And the primetime QB battles continue! Aaron Rodgers vs. Tavaris Jackson. Now that's gonna put behinds in the seats! This will be a matter of who runs better, and plus I declare the winner of this the division champ! Now, sure that means nothing and they will still proceed to play the other 15 games, but I stand by my statement! Packers 21-17.

BRONCOS @ RAIDERS: Once again the Raiders are opening in primetime. Honestly? Who is it that actually thinks the Raiders are worth watching? Well, okay maybe some people want to see how McFadden and Russell will fare, but still. I guess it's a moot point, as I'll have been asleep for hours once this one wraps up. So I guess I'll pick the Broncos 27-20.

Well there you have it, your official "Bitterness" week one picks! Enjoy the games!