KIRK COUSINS AND OTHER POOR LIFE CHOICES

The title of this post sort of says it all, doesn't it? If only I could truly blame my five week four fantasy football losses. I am sure I am not the only one who rolled with the trendy fantasy football thrower, Mr. Cousins, in week four, but maybe I'm in the minority of collective fantasy ninnies on this one. Whether or not you were completely on board with the Cousins Coup or not, I am guessing most did not expect the numbers Cousins put up on Thursday night against the Giants. The only week four starting quarterback who put up worse fantasy numbers was Nick Foles (who I happened to start in another league, but we can table that one).

Now Foles faced the Niners defense, but still. I mean, Derek Carr scored more fantasy points and his replacement, yes replacement, Matt McGloin almost, almost, had more points than Cousins in week four. Whitehurst, Fitzpatrick, and Glennon all had more points than Cousins.  

Like I said, no matter how much you were buying into the hype, against the Giants weak secondary, you figured Cousins would be serviceable. Well you, like myself, were sorely mistaken. This was the starter I went with to try and stop my team from going winless while Andy Dalton was on a bye. I drafted RG III, if you're wondering how these options even came to be. Now interceptions are not necessarily the death knell in fantasy football. Usually you lose a point or two, but that is easily overcome by TD passes or even a buttload (yes a buttload) of yards. So, I watched. I held onto hope. That is what my fantasy season has become. Sitting there, watching football, not reading the signs, grasping at straws. This night was still salvageable, though. I mean as the deficit increased, the Skins would have to pass more, and pass they did...unfortunately. Unfortunately, because that really went nowhere, because while an interception will not hurt you too much, throwing four freaking interceptions certainly will.   

In one league I streamed Josh McCown in week three on Thursday night, after losing RG III (yeah I stupidly put a lot of my eggs in RG III's basket, he's my fantasy kryptonite..let's move on) and that was actually a worse performance by fantasy standards. In back-to-back weeks I have had a quarterback score less than four fantasy points. Only five of the 26 placekickers, PLACEKICKERS, scored fewer points in week four than Kirk Cousins. For whatever reason, I continue to subject myself to this weekly torment and irrational anxiety attacks that come with trying to make a winning lineup. It sucks me in for several hours a week and is supposed to, supposed to, provide a pleasant distraction from the rigors of my every day life. In reality, it is just making me more miserable by the week. Well, on that upbeat note, here are some more fantasy football thoughts, not that you should necessarily listen too them.

• Justin Forsett should put up decent numbers in week five. How do I know this? Well, I dropped him in a league where I am 0-4 and am now pulling a Costanza.
• Speaking of idiotic things I've done this season...picking up Roy Helu, Jr., then dropping him before the Thursday night game where he would have grabbed me 11.10 points (My new team name is now Helu Darkness My Old Friend) was just genius.
• Instead I played a hunch on the Ravens backup tight end/ H-back (even as I typed that I couldn't believe it), the superstar that is Kyle Juszczyk (who?).
  
• I like Jerrick Mckinnon more than Matt Asiata. There I said it!
• You can buy low on Tom Brady. I don't recommend it, just stating a fact.
• Not entirely sure how projections are created, but Cordarelle Patterson has missed his projections, and by a good 10-12 points, in all but one week. I may have to bench him to get him to score some points.
• I was actually sort of right about Teddy Bridgewater having a good day...which is why I had him backing up Bortles (surprisingly I have somehow won a game in that league).
• Bortles should be decent, but if you're forced to start him right now, may want to reevaluate.
• Denard Robinson is gonna do some things...as soon as Toby Gerhart stops getting so many touches! Which is probably real far off, what with Gerhart's 2.65 YPC and all.
• I'd probably sell high on Steve Smith, Sr.
• Oh good, James White looked good for the Pats...that's bound to cut into Ridley and Vereen's touches, somehow...stupid Belichik.
• What a surprise, Cecil Shorts III is hurt... Allen Hurns time?
• Well, looks like Eli could still be viable. Drat.

• Get on Darrin Reaves...not sure if he'll be good, but he'll get the ball so, ya know, that's something. If he gets hurt, though, well....it's anyone's guess.
• DeSean Jackson could be one of the most frustrating owns in fantasy football this season, although I'm sure there are plenty of other candidates...cough, Tom Brady, cough.
• Eddie Lacy breaks out this week....maybe.
• Nice pass at the end of the 1st half Jay Cutler....you owe me two touchdowns.
• Travis Kelce = beast
• This week's byes are almost as bad as last week, I mean whatever will we do without the Dolphins and Raid....hahahah, ahhh, I couldn't even finish the sentence.

Well, that's all I got, here's hoping you have better luck (skill?) than me! 

WEEK FOUR: REVENGE OF THE BYES

"Bye weeks? Bronco Nagurski didn't get no bye weeks, and now he's dead!....Well...maybe they're a good thing." Ah, the immortal words of Morris "Moe" Szyslak.


So true. Maybe they are a good thing? I mean not from a fantasy standpoint. I mean that's basically why I was streaming Kirk Cousins on Thursday night, so you can see what I am saying. This is one of two weeks, I believe (I'm not gonna research this or anything), where six, yes six, teams will be on a bye. Almost 20% (18.75% in case you don't have your Texas Instruments graphing calculator handy) of the league is on byes this week.

 Now, I'm sure making the schedule is no easy task, what with travel and time zones or whatever, but is it absolutely, positively, necessary for six teams to be on a bye one week and have other weeks where only two teams have byes? Hey maybe there is something deeper at work here, but I am the only one who remembers when one whole division would have a bye week? Now, that would cause a bit more planning, but now it seems more willy nilly (not a word according to spell check) than anything. Why not have eight weeks of byes, instead of nine, and have four teams off, each of those weeks? Would that really be so hard? Would it? I'm actually asking here, people.

So you cut the number of bye weeks to eight, now let's start them later in the season. I mean, I get it, some teams are going to get the short end of the stick, regardless of how you slice this, but after week thress, three, these professional athletes, these prime physical specimens (you know, your Vince Wilfork-types notwithstanding) need a break? Let's have teams actually get into the season, before we give them a week off from playing a game, huh?

If we use the eight bye week format (as I think we should) you could start in week six and the byes would be done in week 13. Heck (sorry for cussing), start 'em in week seven and end in week 14.  Bye weeks end in week 12, so what's another week or two? I'm sure players would rather have a week off from games as close to the playoffs as possible. You end in week 13, you still have four weeks with full slates of games. But remember, you have also added an extra week with a full slate of games, by cutting out a bye week. Now, if you really wanna go hog wild, do five weeks, with six teams on  byes and one lonely week with two teams having a bye. Now, we can start the byes much later, when more teams would actually need them and we've now added three more weeks without a bye. Fans win, players win, everyone's happy (#WillForNFLCommissioner)! No need to chime in right away, let it simmer and get back to me. For now, let's take a look at week four, Twitter style.

Syracuse (+9) vs #8 Notre Dame- Come on #Cuse! At least hang in for a half of football and I'll be happy! #OrangeNation Notre Dame 34-17

Dolphins (-3.5) vs Raiders (in London)- Carr-Tannehill! Yeah, that's all you get, #England. #notaxationwithoutrepresentation #U-S-A Dolphins 24-14

Packers (-2) at Bears- This'll be a #shootout. Go w/ the QB with more endorsements #discountdoublecheckdowntoLacy Packers 31-27

Texans (-3) vs Bills- Feels like a trap, after #Texans were shredded by Eli, but, hey, I'm a moron. #HighWattage Texans 24-17

Colts (-8) vs Titans- Perfect trap game here, for Luck and the boys, I think? #RiseofSankey Colts 26-20

Ravens (-3.5) vs Panthers- #Slugfest #slobberknocker #gonnagetugly #wininthetrenches Ravens 20-16

Lions (-1.5) vs Jets- Joique Bell? More like "Joke" Bell with just 33 yards on 15 carries last week. #Joiquesonyou Lions 24-20

Steelers (-7.5) vs Buccaneers- Bucs gameplan: embarrass themselves less than last week.  Steelers 28-14

Chargers (-13) vs Jaguars- Borltes era begins; Jags era of terribleness....continues. Chargers 35-21

49ers (-5) vs Eagles- WTF? Could Kaepernick and Niners really start 1-3?! OMG LOLZ. #Kaepernickisbicepual 49ers 28-24

Falcons (-3) at Vikings- Teddy Bridgewater gets 1st start; my parents went to Bridgewater State College. #ThatsallIhavetosayaboutthat Vikings 24-23

Saints (-3) at Cowboys- Might as well read Underachieving (-3) at Undertalented #BURN Saints 31-23 

Patriots (-3.5) at Chiefs- For some reason, I see an Monday night upset in the cards. #UpsetSpecial Chiefs 21-20

That's it, that's all I got, go away, now!

ARE YOU PREPARED FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

It's Thursday night football and a good portion of my undisciplined chums are headed over tonight!

Giants (+3.5) at Redskins: Alright, this Thursday night we have another division skirmish on the docket, but do we have another blowout on our hands? Last week the lopsided Thursday night game took on a new meaning, with the Falcons' dismantling of the Buccaneers, 56-14. I don't think you'll see that this week, but, what do I know, really?

Look, it's very easy to dismiss Eli having a respectable game, last week. Oh, sorry, did you think I was going to follow that up with a "but" or some sort of caveat (which I recently learned is not a sort of scarf thing; that's a cravat)? Nope, just stating a fact. Sure, Eli was decent for, arguably, the first time in 2014 and sure, it was against the defensive juggernaut that is the Texans, but, well, come on, it's still Eli.


Right? Okay, Eli's not that terrible, but his supporting cast right now is, well, not terrible, but not so good. But are they good enough to beat the 'Skins?

The 'Skins defense has actually been pretty decent this season, allowing the third fewest rushing yards and tenth fewest passing yards in the NFL thus far. Really too early to tell what to believe, but Kirk Cousins does look darned decent out there and the Giants pass defense has, umm, not. The Giants are 22nd in the NFL in passing yards allowed per game, so I think Kirk Cousins puts up some big digits this week, but blowout big? Are we headed for that classic "should a player lose his job because of injury?" scenarios?

I know how we all love those (just ask Drew Bledsoe). Now, it is really far, far too soon to tell what kind of entree Cousins is bringing to the dinner table (it's a saying...or at least it's gonna be), but I am sure the thought of RG III losing his job is rattling around the heads of sports fans in DC and elsewhere. In fact, I have a friend who is a Redskins fan (he's from the DC area, so I allow it) and he texted me last week saying, "It's Cousins show now." So, tune in tonight as the ascension of Kirk Cousins into the Mark Rypien strata (why not?) continues.

Oh, and also, in 2014 the home team has not only won every Thursday night game, but won it in fairly convincing fashion. I think that trend continues Thursday, with the Redskins triumphing over the G-men, 28-17.