Tuesday, September 23, 2014


Several years back, I made some terrible drafting moves and had what I consider to be one of the worst fantasy football seasons ever seen. It was certainly one of the worst ones I ever had to endure. It was the 2011 season and my first three picks were Chris Johnson (coming off a season where he rushed for over 1300 yards as well as had double digit touchdown for the second consecutive season), Peyton Manning (who is, well Peyton Manning) and Peyton Hillis. Remember him? Well, here's a refresher:

Hillis is still as handsome, but looks much less smug these days.

Well, Peyton Manning would, not too long after the draft, be out for the season. Chris Johnson did somehow manage to break a thousand yards, but he scored four, yes four, touchdowns all season and had only four games where he topped 64 yards. Peyton Hillis had an injury/holdout thing going on, played only 10 games, scoring three touchdowns. This was a 14 team league, I was in for a long season. The 49ers defense was my second leading scorer. Every week was excruciating, starting with a 1.50 point loss in week one. Many of us have been there. Been on the losing end of a fantasy matchup by the slimmest of margins. It frustrates, it burns, but it happens. You wake up Tuesday and get ready for the next matchup. In this case though, I had very little hope and try as I might, I could not win, falling all the way to 0-12. Yes 0-12.

Now, unless it is a really deep league, no more than one team will lose every single game, ya know, because at some point winless teams have to play each other and at best a tie will happen. Well, as you can imagine, finishing last is shameful enough, but not winning a game, when you're actually trying, well, that's a whole new level of embarrassment. So, there I was, 0-12, headed into Week 13 (of 14). My last two games were against the third place team and the first place team. The chances for a "W" were getting slimmer by the minute. What happened? Where did this all go wrong? If I went winless, I was thinking of playing fantasy football no more. Was it worth the weekly anxiety, trying to construct a lineup that was, maybe, a level above putrid. How do you even trash talk your way through this? If there was a silver lining, it was eluding me. I could see that look in the eyes of my friends, every Sunday. A delicate mix of pity and sadness. Making fun of me or trash talking was too easy and, thus, pretty pointless. 0-12 is a very humbling experience, for sure. But then came the magic of an unlikelihood.

In week 13, my team did it, they got the win! This was my moment in the sun. Some could find sadness in this, but this was what saved my fantasy football life. I would not go winless and that was really all that mattered. Is the moral of the story that anyone can beat anyone else on any given day, or to never give up? Well, it can be whatever the heck you want it to be, my friends. The reason I was reliving this painstaking fantasy season is that in one of my leagues I find myself sitting at 0-3.

Now this team is not as terrible as the 2011 debacle, since I seem to be more having terrible luck. My team, at least on paper, looked pretty decent. Three players I drafted are now injured, two of which will definitely not return this season. Yay. Each week I have had at least one player score two or fewer points. So, the frustration level is certainly mounting, but I'm not Bruce Banner, here, there is still hope. It's harder and harder to see each week, but it's there, bellied up to the bar right next to my love/hate relationship with fantasy football. Here's what else the owner of an 0-3 fantasy football team thinks....

  • Vincent Jackson's garbage TD on Thursday night was almost a game saver for one of my fantasy teams.
  • Seriously Matt Stafford? No TDs?! I should have warned the world that I had Stafford and Calvin Johnson on my daily fantasy squad. If that didn't jinx 'em I don't what did? 
  • My 0-3 team faces Matthew Stafford next week, though, so he should return to putting up some eye-popping fantasy numbers.
  • What is the point of some of these projections? Where do they come from? Sometimes I think they're just making up numbers.
  • Kirk Cousins already has more fantasy points on the season than Colin Kaepernick, Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady...in roughly seven fewer quarters.
  • If you can buy low on Matt Forte, do it!
  • Thus far one of my favorite team names in any of my leagues is My Son is also Named Bortles. If you don't know why, well, I'm disappointed, but here
  • Rashad Jennings, looking like Ahmad Rashad out there on Sunday!
  • CJ Spiller, on the other hand, had slightly better numbers than Phylicia Rashad.
  • Sucks if you were relying on Darren Sproles for points or if you didn't already try selling high.
  • The Teddy Bridgewater era is underway...maybe.
  • Week four starts the bye weeks, time to get weird, people.... hello, Helu!
  • My hopes of getting into the "W" column may rest on the shoulders of Eli Manning. Sigh. It is against the Redskins secondary, so who knows?
  • Speaking of defenses, seems trendy to start the Chargers defense if you have the means.
  • Taliaferro, Blue and Oliver are the trendy bye week pickups at RB
  • Bold statement of the week, Aaron Rodgers owners are not in trouble. 
  • Why do we have to have kickers in fantasy football?
  • Don't you worry about Nick Foles in San Fran.
  • This week is mediocre Matt Ryan's turn to show up.
  • I think Khiry Robinson is gonna have a big week against Dallas.
Well, that's that. As little real insight as possible. Tune in Thursday for the Thursday Night Football preview!

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