BACK IN BLACK

Yes, in honor of black history month we have decided to honor the purest of all athletes, 80s basball players! Of course, we should have this precursir, that none of these selections were made using any sort of statistics. Therefore they may not be what you would call "the best" player at each position. So here it is the 1980s All-Black Team:

CATHCER- This was probably the easiest position of them all to fill, as surpisingly there are not that many black cathers? So we of course went wityh Lloyd McClendon and Darrel Miller (yes, Cheryl Miller's brother). While both were primarily back-ups in their careers, we feel that the rest of the line-up will cover them up well enough.

















FIRST BASE- Willie Upshaw was a stud for the Blue Jays and we needed him on this squad, for sure. Now we picked up another solid hitter by the namr of Gerald Perry, but we needed a little more pop so, we picked up Alvin Davis! As you will see later, Perry can also play third, so that may be where he gets most of his playing time.



























SECOND BASE- I don't see how it couldn't be former ESPN analyst, Harold Reynolds. And the whole being "let go" do to sexual harrassment, only raises his stock. Backing him up will be the one and only Johnny Ray! He makes this squad because he's in two "hit" song. Of course there's Come on Eileen (also a pretty artistic porno) wher they sing, "Poor 'ol Johnny Ray!) clearly talking about how his finances were frittered away after his playing day. His name would also come back into the mainstream, thanks to Jimmy Ray (no relation) as he asked the world, "Are you Johnny Ray?" To which we at "Bitterness" replied, "We wish! Our apologies to Frank White and Jerry Browne, who did not make the cut, but are poised to appear in the 80s Baseball Players rendition of Reservoir Dogs.



















THIRD BASE- Although, in my mind he was a shortstop, he did play third base for part of his career, so we would be remiss to not include one Mister Hubie Brooks. Darnell Coles may be a late addition, but we know Gerald Perry being super-versatile as he is, can play third and first, so Darnell may not make the cut.






SHORTSTOP- This was a tough choice, so we decided, since shortstop is usually the most athletic player in the field that we'd have three...Andres Thomas, Rafael Santana, and Steve Jeltz. They would probably rotate the starting spot, but I think Andres Thomas and Stevie Jeltz would get the nod more often than not due to the amount of Soul-Glo they used. With Rafael utilized more as a utility man. Just missing the cut Shawon Dunston and Alfredo Griffin.





























LEFTFIELD- The name says it all with our starting leftfielder, Chet Lemon. Not that he was a Lemon or anything, but how could you keep tha name, of this team? It's like un-American or something! We also want Lloyd Moseby and Jeffrey Leonard on the squad. Leonard would probably mostly platoon at DH, as fielding was not as good as Lloyd's. And yes we now LLoyd, can we call him LLoyd, played mostly center, but we felt he would could really maximixe our defense with him in left.





























CENTERFIELD- While there were a lot of players to choose from, there are only 2 black centerfielders that could play on the "Bitterness" All 80s Black baseball team. The question was who would be number one and who would be coming off the bench. Now, after much thought and consternation, we have decided. Our starting centerfielder will be Odibe McDowell, with Gary Pettis coming off the bench. Odibe had a career year in my 1988 Strat-o-Matic game, hitting an eye-popping .347, plus his name is Odibe, which is probably how mushmouth from Fat Albert would say "Odie" from the Garfield comic.












RIGHTFIELD- Although he did taint his carrer by going to the Yankees, we felt he still deserved to be here. So congratulaitons to Chili Davis, for becoming our staring rightfielder! He will be backed up by one of the best 80s names of all-time, the one and only, Mistah Razor Shines! Know 80s team would be complete without this man on their team in some capacity!









DESIGNATED HITTER- We weren't gonna have a DH, but we needed Jorge Orta on this squad!






We will do the pitchers later, as this post as already pretty darned long. And of course we want all those black 80s baseball players who read "Bitterness" and didn't make the cut, like Franklin Stubbs, Larry Herndon, Darryl Strawberry, Pedro Gurerro and Tony Bernazard, to know that they are smart enough, good enough and dawg gonnit people still really like you!

GREAT MOMENTS IN BLACK HISTORY:

Here it is eleven days into black history month and we have not done a thing about it! Don't worry folks we're on it! Here are some great moments in black history:




Yes the group Ladysmith Black Mambazo had knocked down many walls in the way of racial harmony.





Of course this one of the first dances led by an African-American on a half-hour sitcom. Paving the way for, well, okay nothing, but nonetheless a great moment in black history.





This was really what paved the way for black cartoons, like the Boondocks, and such.





This is what paved the way for heavy drug use. You see whilst high, or tripping, this becomes much better. And we owe a lot of today's drug use to that lost black child.






And of course, what can now only be referred to as the "other" Arrested Development, this group tore down racial stereotypes, by rapping about how black people did things that everyday white people did, like playing horseshoes and eating watermelons.


This has been "Bitterness"' loook at great moments in black history!

GRAMMY TIME....

With the Grammys on their way we thought it was the ideal time for the "Bitterness" Grammies. That's right we it's time to honor Grandmothers, Grannys, Grammies, Nanas, etc. And the nominees are:

BEST TV SHOW FEATURING A GRAMMY or GRAMMIES:
Mama's Family.......Golden Girls








And the GRAMMIE goes to.............Golden Girls!

BEST RAP, HIP-HOP OR R&B ARTIST-SOLO OR GROUP:
Destiny's Grandmother....Gramdmother Flash....MC Gramma....Geriatric5....Salt 'N' Pepa Hair

And the GRAMMIE goes to....................Grandmother Flash!

BEST PORTRAYAL OF A GRAMMIE IN A MOVIE:
Jessica Tandy- Batteries not Included..Maureen Stapleton -Cocoon

Martin Lawrence- Big Momma's....Frances Bay-Happy Gilmore



and Ellen Albertini Dow-Wedding Crashers








And the GRAMMIE goes to................Jessica Tandy for Batteries Not Included!

BEST ROCK/ POP BAND:
Jars of Dentures.....Grandma Hazel.....Ben-Gay's Five.....Counting Crows Feet..... and Geezer

And the GRAMMIE goes to........Ben Gay's Five

BEST MALE PORTRAYAL OF GRAMMY :
Tyler Perry as Medea................Martin Lawrence as Big Momma

Larry Johnson as Grandmama









and Mark Paul-Gosselaar as an old lady helping Jesse spy on Slater and his old girlfriend from Germany (we couldn't find that picture, but we found this one from filming from the set of the New Three's Company)







And the GRAMMIE goes to..... Larry Johnson as Grandmama!

BEST PORTRAYAL OF A GRAMMY IN A TV SHOW:
Estelle Getty- Golden Girls........Bea Arthur- Golden Girls
Vicki Lawrence-Mama's Family.....Rosetta LeNore- Family Matters



Helen Martin-227






And the GRAMMIE goes to....Vicki Lawrence for Mama's Family!

BEST MOVIE FEATURING GRAMMIES:
Cocoon.......................................Fried Green Tomatoes
Diaries of a Mad Black Woman.......Big Momma's House

Cocoon the Return....................and Too Many Grandmas



And the GRAMMIE goes to.....Cocoon

And now for the biggest award of the night:

THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD:
Estelle Getty. Known most for her role in the hit television show Golden Girls, Estelle has given us many memorable performances. Who can forget her as Sylvester Stallone's mom in "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot"? I know it will never leave our noggin that's for damn sure. And of course there were many more! Congratulations Estelle on the one of the highest honors that could be possibly be bestowed on any senior citizen...







And that about does it for the 84th addition of the GRAMMIES!

THE BIG DAY!

Well, here it is, announcement day. Many of you have been eagerly awaiting the big announcement for quite some time now. Several of you have even speculated what you thought the announcement would be. So let's take a look at what some of these guesses:

MOVING: Nope, "Bitterness" is staying right where it is at the moment. For now it suits us just fine!

PREGNANCY: Good gosh no! We're not pregnant, we've just been retaining an awful lot of water lately.

MARRIAGE: Marriage is the punishment for shoplifting in some third world countries! That's true. Not to say we'll stay single forever. Rest assured when the time comes all my loyal readers will be invited and the reception will be catered with the McDonald's Dollar Menu to get an open bar, if we have to.

RETIREMENT: No, no. We still have many years of blogging ahead of us before we put down the keyboard.

While those are all good guesses, alas, they are all wrong. You see, sometime ago I realized that "Bitterness", while cutting edge, was missing something. What, you ask? Well it was missing some local flavor. We looked at Electric City Paul and said, "We need something like this for the beloved Salt City!" So, the solution? It was time to take on a protege from right here in Syracuse, to help out. EUREKA! But how would we find this soul? Well through an underground audition we dubbed Blogger Idle. Now we took in tens of applicants looking to join the "Bitterness" family, a part of the StopNetwork. Now much like American Idol, the winner pretty much is owned by "Bitterness". We would be their editor in chief, and internet liason. Now of course we would need someone with a style very similar to "Bitterness" and one that is becoming of our good name. Here were the Elite 8:

ORANGE JEWS: While we of course love the wordplay, we felt this blogger was a little too one dimensional and we want all religions to be represented.
PEARL WASHINGTON'S LOVE CHILD
ORANGE CRUSH: This was a good effort, but there was just something missing.
HUNGRY CHARLEY: While we love the reference to the former SU haunt, but this didn't quite have the flair we were looking for.
RED, WHITE, BLUE AND ORANGE
THE FIN BIN: While there's no better place to get tanked,this one was a little too LeMoyne heavy.
DESHAIES LOUNGE: Wow, hard to believe we passed on a blog with a play on words referencing an 80s baseball player, who played his college ball at LeMoyne. But we did.

But the winner of "Bitterness" Blogger Idle and newest member of the StopNetwork is (drum roll please)....................SALT CITY SAUL.
Now as I said, we own Saul and as a result all his blog posts must go through "Bitterness", so don't be alarmed when you see this new blog pop up with the same profile, picture and profile name as "Bitterness". That's how it works. This way "Bitterness" can maintain complete creative control and in return Saul gets handed the many, many loyal members of "Bitterness" Nation.

ROUND-OFFS

That's right, it's time for the very first edition of "Bittereness" Round-Offs. But, what the heck are "Round-Offs" anyway? Well in our mind, an actual round-off, is a modified cartwheel, much like you can see the oompa-loompa's doing in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. But here at "Bitterness" it's something slightly different. You see we here at "Bitterness" have found that often times we have a lot of blogworthy things from many different areas of life, and need to kind of hit on many things bouncing from topic to topic and so Round-Offs is how we'll be doing it. You know it'll be like our quick-hit thoughts, but we didn't want to steal anyone else's term for it, so we came up with "Round-Offs". And with February being one of our busier times of year, we decided now was a goodtime to start. So away we go:

-- In my slighly altered, post Super Bowl state, I put together a Blooper, er, Super Bowl recap and neglected one of the most awesome things of all that ocurred during the game. I think you know what I'm talking about here people. That's right: Wild Hogs. This only looks like the best movie of the year so far. If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me paint you a picture: Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy as chums who embark upon a motorcycle road trip together. Awesomeness personified, am I right?! Also among the supporting cast, Mr. John C. McGinley. You know "Bitterness" will be there opening night!

-- Yaz. Now for those of you who here that name and think of Red Sox great Carl Yastrzemski, while you are right, that's not what we're talking about. Nope. You see Yaz is now, "the first and only birth control pill with proven efficay for the emotional and physical symptoms of PMDD." Yes that's right Yaz birth control! Look for the world of baseball and feminine products to come together more often. Upcoming products include Iron Horse tampons, Shoeless Joe Diaphragms, "The Mick" douche and of course Cal Ripken's Everyday Sponge.

-- In college hoops, the "Bitterness" MAAC team of choice, Iona, is trying their darndest to lose every single game this year. They had been very successful so far, but finally won a game, defeating Rider on Saturday. Which leaves only one school who hasn't yet beaten another D-I school, North Florida, who are 0-20 against D-I schools. The Ospreys almost got over the hump, but Chris Timberlake missed a lay-up late in the game and the mighty Savannah State prevailed last week. Timberlake?

-- That's right, the Grammy's are this Sunday, featuring the one and only Justin Timberlake. Sadly "Bitterness" did not make the cut to sing with JT at the awards show. Drat. But the Police will be there, so we may check that out. Other than that, the Grammy's are more or less pointless and awful. I mean really this is about the worst awards show ever, and I'm including the ESPYs. The fact that bands like Local H, The Butthole Surfers, Primus and Seven Mary Three have no Grammys on their shelves just shows what a travesty this show is. I mean maybe if they had a real talent like Eccentric to host, then it would be worth watching.

-- Sadly, Eccentric didn't make it to Hollywood on American Idol, well other than the fact he tried out in Hollywood, but being an octuple threat is sure to make him the next household name.He does it all- sings, writes, dances, models, acts, choreographs, draws and of course does a kick butt panther impersonation. We're not positive, but we think he is a lock in the Thundercats live action movie.



-- We were sad that Jake "The Snake", the very last auditioner they showed, didn't move on. I mean everyone else we know named Jake "The Snake" is pretty awesome. Jake "The Snake" Plummer and the original and best Jake "the Snake" of all, Jake Roberts. Among his musical influences, why Axl Rose of course. Axl was an American idol, long before there was a show to find them. Hey Axl, when you gonna drop Chinese Democracy on us, buddy?


-- Naw, dawg! You don't blast Randy Jackson! Anyone who was in Journey is a god and should be treated as such!

-- I'm utterly perplexed as to why I like American Idol? And apparently I am not alone. I mean, I hate the music and the people. Go figure.

-- In Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback he mentioned how by not kicking a late field goal, Tony Dungy may have angered many gambling types, as this would affect the over/under for the game. Mr. King says that the score at the time was 29-17 and the over/under mark was 38. Okay Peter, let's help ya out. 29+17= 46. 46 is greater than 38, therefore the over had already been covered. Apparently they don't teach math at Joe Blow School of Journalism and VCR Repair, where PK obviously got his degree from. A less bitter person would assume this were a typo and the over was actually 48, but luckily we're not that typo of person. See what I did there?

-- Apparently the NHL had an All-Star game? No Whalers, Canucks, or Jets were on the rosters. Here's a fun tidbit, the grassroots campaign for Rory Fitzpatrick to be voted to the All-Star game was started by a friend of a friend, that my girlfriend hates. Small world.

-- Everyone's always talking about the MVC, but watch out for the CAA. VCU, Hofstra, Old Dominion and Drexel are all dangerous teams come March. And we know of a certain rather tall American, who would be feeling just Drexellent if the Dragons made the Big Dance.

-- Speaking of the Big Dance....SU's chances get iffier and iffier with each passing day. Can someone take over and close a game for goodness sakes! Hopefully they'll be able to summon the spirits of Marius Janulis, Rock Lloyd, JB Reafsnyder, Todd Burgan and Jason Cipolla to help them get to the tourney.

-- Caught that new show, Rules of Engagement, with David Spade, Patrick Warburton and Oliver Hudson. Not bad, I've given it a three show guarantee. Meaning I'll watch it at least three times before I make my official judgement.

-- Speaking of television, you want some quality viewing on a Saturday morning? Tune to ABC Family. 9-10am Full House, 10-11am Boy Meets World, 11am-noon Grounded for Life. Now that's some quality programming.

This has been "Round-Offs"

SUPER BOWL?

MORE LIKE BLOOPER BOWL, AM I RIGHT? NOT ONE OF THE BEST GAMES IN NFL HISTORY THAT'S FOR SURE. HERE ARE SOME THOUGHTS ON THE BIG GAME:

--GOTTA LOVE THE RAIN. FRIGGIN' AWESOME TO HAVE BAD WEATHER IN THE SUPER BOWL NOW ALL WE NEED AS SOME COLD WEATHER, OUTDOOR STADIUMS TO HOST THE GAME AND WE'RE ALL SET!

-- CAN YOU SAY TURNOVER?

-- BUD LIGHT BY FAR HAD THE BEST COMMERCIALS. HOW DO THEY GET ALL THE BEER AD SPOT DURING THE GAME? GOTTA BE A NICE CHUNK OF CHANGE FOR THAT.

-- WHERE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL?!

-- PHIL SIMMS, YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

-- WHY DO THEY HAVE TO PLAN THE HALFTIME SHOW SO FAR IN ADVANCE? I SAY WAIT AND GET REPRESENTATIVES FROM EACH COMPETING CITY OR AREA. OH, LIKE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE RATHER SEEN CHICAGO GREAT PETER CETERA SINGING "GLORY OF LOVIE" THAN THAT PRINCE FIASCO?!

-- WHERE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL?!

-- I KNEW A BLACK COACH WOULD WIN THIS ONE. I CAN SAY BLACK AND NOT AFRICAN-AMERICAN, BECAUSE IT'S BLACK HISTORY MONTH, NOT AFRICAN-AMERICAN HISTORY MONTH.

-- PEYTON MANNING MVP??? HOW ABOUT JOSEPH ADDAI WHO HAD OVER 130 COMBINED YARDS? OR DOMINIC RHODES WHO HAD 21 CARRIES, AVERAGING OVER FIVE YARDS PER CARRY, WITH A TD?

-- THOMAS JONES' NEW NICKNAME IS NOW HEDGES. THAT WAY THE BEARS BACKFIELD CAN HAVE BENSON AND HEDGES.

-- THE BEARS WILL NOT WIN A SUPER BOWL WITH REX GROSSMAN AT QUARTERBACK.

-- YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW YOUR SUPER BOWL PARTY SUCKED? CAUSE MARK PHELPS WAS AT MINE! BET YOU DIDN'T HAVE CHEESY, BACON BISCUITS, LAMB CHOPS, SCALLOPS AND SOME CRAZY LITTLE MEXICAN THING WITH CORN AND BEANS IN IT!

-- WHERE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL!

SOUPER BOWL ONE

THAT'S RIGHT KIDS, YOU'VE HEARD RUMORS, YOU'VE WAITED PATIENTLY AND HERE IT IS, FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE. SOUPER BOWL ONE IS HERE! IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY NO ROMAN NUMERALS, WELL APPARENTLY THE NFL HAS THE HOLD ON THOSE BAD BOYS, SO WE JUST WROTE OUT THE NUMBER. ANYWAYS MOVING ON, HERE WE GO. BUT WHAT IS THIS SOUPER BOWL THING ANYWAYS, YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF? WELL IT IS THE MENU OF PLAYERS, PAST AND PRESENT, FROM THIS YEAR'S SUPER BOWL COMBATANTS. AS IN FOOD MENU. YOU COULD REALLY CALL IT THE ALL-FOOD LINE-UP. CONFUSED, WELL JUST HANG TIGHT AND YOU'LL SEE:

COLTS:
JACK TRUDEAU-NUTS-QB- MMMMM! TRU-DEAUNUUUUTS! ARRRRRGHHHH!

JOSEPH QUES-ADDAI-LLA-RB- THIS FINE MEXICAN TREAT IS AVAILABLE IN STEAK OR CHICKEN AND COMES WITH SOUR CREAM AND SALSA

ROOSEVELT POTTS-ROAST-RB- JUST IKE MOM USED TO MAKE. SERVED WITH COOKED CARROTS AND MASHED PO-CATO-S

JIM CHICKEN FINN-GERS-FB- FRIED GOLDEN STRIPS OF CHICKEN WITH YOUR CHOICE OF BARBECUE OR HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE.

RICKY EGG PROEHLS-WR- THIS CHINESE TREAT BROUGHT STATESIDE AND PACKED WITH FLAVOR JUST FOR YOU!

RON SOLT POTATOES-OL- THESE ARE GOOD WITH A MEAL OR JUST ON THEIR OWN.

QUENTIN CORYATT-ACHOKE DIP-D- THIS IS COURSE SERVED WITH PITA TOM WILLIS BREAD TO DIP!

CHAD BRATZKE-LIME PIE-D- FRESH MADE WITH ONLY THE MOST KEYEST LIMES AVAILABLE

RYAN LA CASSE-ARROLE-D- GET THE THREE BEAN OR THE TUNA, THEIR BOTH APPETIZING AS ALL HECK.

JUNE PO-CATO-SKINS-D- FRIED POTATO SKINS TOPPPED WITH CHEESE AND BACON, SERVED WITH SOUR CREAM.

ASHLEY AMBROSIA-D- OKAY. A WEIRD DESERT THAT WE'RE PRETTY UNSURE OF. BUT IT WAS MENTIONED IN EDWARD SCIISSORHANDS AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR US.

ADAM VINATIERI-AKI CHICKEN-K- A BAKED CHICKEN BREAST, BASTED IN DELICIOUS TERRYAKI SAUCE. WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE.

DEAN BIA-SUSHI-K- RIGHT FROM THE OCEAN TO YOUR PLATE, PRETTY MUCH. UNAGI, EEL AND OTHER TREATS FROM THE BLUE.

AND OF COURSE DON'T FORGET THE COLT SLAW!

BEARS
STEVE STENSTROM-BOLI-QB- BEEF, CHEESE, ONIONS, PEPPERS AND TOMATOES PACKED INTO A DELCIOUS CRUSTED BREADY POCKET. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?

SLOPPY AYANBEDEJO-RB- WHILE THE PLAY OF THIS PRO BOWLER IS ALWAYS NEAT, THIS SANDWICH CAN GET THE BEST OF YA IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL, SO HAVE YOUR NAPKINS READY!

JASON MCKIE-RONI AND CHEESE-FB- WE HERE AT "BITTERNESS" LOVE OUR MAC AND CHEESE, SO THIS IS A MUST ON ANY MENU!

MATT CHOP SUHEY-RB- THIS SUEY IS CHOPPED TO PERFECTION, BELIEVE YOU ME!

RASHAAN SALAAM-I AND CHEESE SUB-RB- MUCH LIKE IT'S NAMESAKE, THIS SANDWICH ISN'T BOUND TO STICK WITH YOU FOR TOO LONG, SO HAVE SOME PEPTO HANDY!

BLUE-BERRIAN PIE-WR- BAKED FRESH, ALMOST DAILY, WITH JOHN HAND PICKED BLUEBERRIES AND TOPPED WITH WHIPPED CREAM.

OLIN-GUINI-KREUTZ- OL- THESE NOODLES COME PILED HIGH ON YOUR PLATE AND CAN BE PREPARED WITH CLAM OR MARINARA SAUCE.

MARK BEEF BORTZ-D- BEEF + BORSCHT= YUMMY!

ROBERTO GARZAGNA-D- LAYER UPON LAYER OF NOODLES, MEAT, AND RICOTTA CHEESE, BAKED TO PERFECTION.

WILBER MAR-SHELLS AND CHEESE-D- THESE SHELLS MELT IN YOUR MOUTH. TOPPED WITH A FINE CHEESE SAUCE THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY DELECTABLE.

CHICKEN TENDUER-SONS- DB- THESE CHICKEN TENDERS ARE FRIED TO PERFECTION AND SERVED WITH A BRILLIANT HONEY MUSTER SAUCE.

AND IF THE HELPINGS ARE TOO BIG, YOU BRING SOME HOME AND PUT 'EM IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR PERRY FOR THE NEXT DAY!

WELL THERE YOU HAVE IT SOUPER BOWL ONE IS IN THE BOOKS. LET'S HAVE A GOOD GAME OUT THERE FOLKS! HOPEFULLY THE SUPER BOWL MENU DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF TURNOVERS ON IT. WELL,HAVE FUN. AND IF YOU'RE GONNA DRINK AND DRIVE, DRIVE FAST. GET OFF THE ROAD AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. JUST KIDDING, WE HERE AT "BITTERNESS", IN NO WAY ENCOURAGE SOMETHING LIKE THAT. BE SAFE OUT THERE FOLKS. GO COMMERCIALS!

GROUNDHOGS, JITTERS AND WHAT HAVE YOUS!

WELL HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY FOLKS! NOW WE WERE TRYING TO FIND A GROUNDHOG TIE-IN TO THE BIG GAME TO GO ALONG WITH OUR CONTINUED SUPER BOWL COVERAGE. MAYBE WE'D EXPLORE HOW IMPORTANT THE GROUNDHOGS, AKA THE RUNNING BACKS, WOULD BE IN SUPER BOWL XLI. OR MAYBE JUST A QUICK LOOK AT THE RUNNING BACKS IN THE GAME, JOSEPH ADDAI IN THE LIFE, DOMINIC COLOSSUS AT RHODES, CEDRIC BENSON AND HEDGES OR THOMAS "IT'S NOT UNUSUAL" JONES. BUT THAT SEEMED A LITTLE BORING AND A LITTLE TOO IN-DEPTH FOR THIS BLOG. I MEAN, WE'LL SAVE THAT KIND OF INSIGHT FOR ESPN.COM, CBSSPORTSLINE.COM AND CNNSI.COM. BUT THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW DOMINIC RHODES PRONOUNCES HIS NAME LIKE "DOMINIQUE". MAYBE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE BEARS HAVE SOMEONE NAMED DANIEAL MANNING, WHO PRONOUNCES HIS NAME LIKE "DANIELLE". TWO GIRLY NAMES BATTLING EACH OTHER IN THE BIGGEST FOOTBALL GAME OF THE YEAR. BUT THAT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE IT COULD CARRY AN ENTIRE BLOG. THAN WE THOUGHT, GROUNDHOGS, RUNNING....MAYBE WE COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THE FACT THAT THE COLTS HAVE SOMEONE NAMED TJ RUSHING ON THEIR TEAM AND THE BEARS HAVE A GUY NAMED JD RUNNELS ON THEIR SQUAD. NOW WHILE THAT ALSO WOULDN'T CARRY A BLOG, IT MADE US THINK. THEIR NAMES TJ AND JD? WAIT TJ BACKWARDS IS JT JUST LIKE THE NICKNAME FOR OUR BELOVED UNCLE JITTER. NOW THOSE INITIALS COME FROM HIS FIRST AND LAST NAME BUT THE INITIALS FOR HIS FIRST AND MIDDLE NAMES (DRUM ROLL)......JD? WEIRD, HUH? WAIT, WE'RE STILL GOING.....

THEN WE REALIZED IT WAS JITTER'S, BIRTHDAY. YES OUR 6'10 EX-PORTUGUESE BASKETBALL PLAYER IS TURNING THE BIG 29! MAYBE WE COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THAT. MAYBE THERE WERE SOME SUPER BOWL TIE-INS WITH JITTER OR HIS HOMELAND OF LANDFILL, OH. NAHHH! WE'LL JUST WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND BE DONE WITH IT. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BABY JITTERS! AND MANY MORE.


SO WHAT, IN THE HECK, IS THIS BLOG GONNA BE ABOUT?! WELL WHAT IS GROUNDHOG'S DAY ABOUT, I ASK YOU? NO, NOT JUST A FURRY RODENT, NO, NO. IT'S ABOUT HIS SHADOW AND WHETHER OR NOT HE SEES HIS SHADOW. YES, THE SHADOW, THAT'S THE RUB. SO WE ARE GONNA DELVE INTO THE WHOLE PEYTON MANNING NOT BEING ABLE TO WIN THE BIG GAME. NOW HE HAS FINALLY GOT THE BELICHIK MONKEY OFF HIS BACK, BUT IF HE DOESN'T WIN THE SUPER BOWL, HE WILL JOIN THE RANKS AND OF DAN MARINO AND JIM KELLY AS "GREAT" QUARTERBACKS WITHOUT A SUPER BOWL RING. BUT WE HERE AT "BITTERNESS" FEEL THAT IT'S NOT FAIR TO JUDGE THE QUALITY OF A PLAYER BASED ON WHETHER OR NOT HE HAD A SUPER BOWL RING OR NOT. NOW, WE ARE NOT SO NAIVE AS TO THINK THAT A QB CAN'T TURN AN ENTIRE GAME TO POOP FOR THEIR TEAM (SEE NEIL O' DONNELL), BUT ONLY ONE TEAM WINS EVERY YEAR, AND IT IS, AFTER ALL A TEAM GAME. SO TODAY WE'RE GONNA MAKE PEYTON MANNING FEEL A LITTLE AT EASE BY GIVING SEVERAL PLAYERS WHO HAVE SUPER BOWL RINGS, BUT ARE NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS MR. MANNING. BUT FOR NOW PEYTON WILL LURK IN THEIR SHADOWS. YOU SEE WHAT I DID THEIR?

PHIL SIMMS: While he did put on a good show in the Super Bowl, his career numbers were not spectacular and Peyton's career numbers will easliy eclipse Simms' stats. Also Simmsy will be calling the big game, let's see if they talk about Phil's (also the groundhog's name) Super Bowl experience. God I hope he does! We, here, will keep our fingers crossed.

JEFF HOSTETLER: Thrust into the role due to injury, Hostettler did what he was supposed to, and not lose the game for his team. Now, in all fairness, this is a game the Giants very well could've and should've lost. Hostetler did manage to eventually parlay this success into a future contract with the Raiders, where he got to really air it out. He, of course, took over for another great quarterback who does not have a ring, Jay Schroeder.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER: Well let's get out of the way first, this Steelers Super Bowl run, is arguably the biggest farce in the history of the game. Let's leave it at that. But we saw the real Big Ben this year. He is not good! Sure everyone will write this past season off to almost dying in a motorcycle accident and then that whole appendicitis thing. This was just a convenient coincidence to help lull Steelers fans into a false sense of hope for next season.

BRAD JOHNSON: I don't really think I need to write to much here. BJ is a solid and consistent quarterback, but, like many of the QBs on this list, won his ring due in large part to a good defense and bit 'o' luck.

TRENT DILFER: See Brad Johnson entry above.

MARK RYPIEN: Although he could, quite possibly, be the best player on this list, he is light years behind Peyton Manning and the numbers he can put up. But Mr. Rypien has a ring to polish and as of now Peyton does not.

AND POSSIBLY REX GROSSMAN: Yes, if in fact the Bears win this Super Bowl, Rex in FX will be added to this list and the "Peyton can't win the big one" will continue on. Rex could quite possibly become the worst quarterback to ever win a Super Bowl!

BUT IF PEYTON DOES WIN, WHAT'LL WE TALK ABOUT, NEXT? WILL BE IF TOM BRADY CAN EVER WIN ANOTHER SUPER BOWL? NO, NO, NO. WE'LL CLEARLY BE DISCUSSING THE NEXT BEST QB IN LINE TO NOT WIN A SUPER BOWL. THAT'S RIGHT! THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE INCOMPARABLE , JON KITNA! THIS BLOG WAS SPONSORED BY VEGGIE-BOY. I LIKE IT!