Saturday, October 14, 2006

BOYZ II MEN TOO



Well it's been a long time coming. But I figure it's time. I know a certain non-blogger who is probably getting giddy with excitement, even as we speak. You see five weeks ago two "boys" set out on the road, their destination: adventure and idiocy. Written in the first person, none of the names have been changed, so as to implicate everyone involved. This is their tale:
(this blog is rated immature for language, beer consumption and general idiocy)

Friday, September 8, 2006
It was early Friday evening. I was packed and rarin' to go. Billyball would be here any minute and then it would begin. Three days of debauchery with the fellas. We were headed to Philadelphia (the Sunshine State, gorgeous) to visit our altudinous friend, Jitter (just a big word for tall) for a few days. The specifics of what was in store for us, was sort of mired in some gray area. What we did know, was we were in store for something, well, something. Let's just leave it at that.

Billyball arrived home and threw some stuff together. Soon enough I was out of Bill's dreams and in to his car, the Cranberry Cruiser. We were off. The details of the ride are more or less inconsequential. Let's just say the only one that could have got us there faster was maybe Dick Trickle. It was a nice little drive and it flew by as we hit Philly a little after 10pm.

We arrived at Jitter's commode and were greeted in style.
And yes that is a Schaefer's in his hand. "The one beer to have when you're having more than one." Lookout! Their was also some Victory in store, for Bill and his sensitive uvula. We also met Jitter's cousin who may or may not be related to Mike Schmidt....
or Rollie Fingers. Or perhaps Chester A. Arthur. Really, the resemblance is striking! Now Jitter's cuz's real name is not importanat as he will only be referred to as Schmitty for the rest of this entry. We had a quick brew at Jitter's crib and then headed out to paint the town red, or maybe mauve. The first stop, Bob and Barbra's was nothing short of glorious. It is not just a local watering hole, but a museum. Pictures will speak louder than words on this one:











What'd I tell ya? You can't even begin to capture the atmosphere here with just three pictures. They had a live jazz trio playing and a special, which is no longer to be called a "Happy Meal", featuring a shot of whiskey and a can of PBR for four American dollars. Have mercy! You really have to go there to get the true feel of it. It is wall to wall PBR paraphenalia and it is a sight to behold. Plus look at the size of the beer mugs:Sadly, we could not stay here all night, as there was lots of time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that, reverse it. So, it was off to the next establishment, which name eludes me right now, but had some good stuff to offer.

We entered, letting some folks outside this place know that, "High Fives are free!" They looked scared. This was a nice little place, reminiscent of some underground coffee house.

I waited here for about fifteen minutes before realizing that the drinks were made and paid for on the other end of the establishment. Talk about fakse advertising.
This hockey game was once USA versus Canada, I believe. You can't really see it that well, but the game has been modified and is now good versus evil. All of the heads have been changed, complete with names on the back of their jerseys. Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden and Ronald McDonald were among some of the "skaters". Bill was not happy, as he hates being told what to do by walls:

But then I pulled out my "package" and well:

It was at this lovely beer cave that we would find a girl who we would make, regret her wardrobe choice for the evening:

What were the odds of her finding four dudes who were utterly fascinated with all things PBR? Bad luck for her. Well we wrapped up the night there and made a quick stop at Wawa's for some hoagies. We quickly found out they were out of a lot of stuff and we were forced to audible at the line. But, needless to say we, scarfed those puppies down whilst watching Jitter's Freaks and Geeks DVD and drifting off to sleep, where of course I am a viking! Well, that was the Friday recap (although it did technically go over into Saturday, if you want to be a dick about it).

Saturday, September 9, 2006:
Saturday moring was not, how shall we say, pretty.But we did find a diamond in the rough. The LaSalle student run television station, LaSalle 56. I think we seriously watched this for about 8 hours, not really sure. It started with a spelling bee for student contestants featuring words that were tough for the average joe, like Qatar ( pronounced kAY-tar, I think). It was good fun. Then we caught quite possibly the best public or student access show I had ever had the privilege to watch. It was called How Many Idiots.... Now I am still trying to find footage from this show, but thus far to no avail. It was a little sketch type show and we were in stitches from the get go. After that was the Q&A marathon! A game show that features such segments as, "Hammer Time", where the first team to do the named dance correctly and more betterly would win the points or the segment where they had to sing a selected TV theme song to win the points. The star of this station is Ryan Barry. He is the co-host of Q&A and appears in How Many Idiots and he is a show stealer!

Well, after sitting around all day it was time to grab some grub. We headed to Abner's:

where I was told they had the best chicken cheese steaks around. And they were delicious! We also met up with Baxter here. I don't have any pictures, but he sort of looks like this guy:
From Abner's we were headed to the Victory Brewing Co. for a factory tour. We would be met there by Javen and TT, yippee!
The tour was both educational and entertaining. We stayed around and had a few brews to wet the whistle, as well as some sweet potato fries, which should be called sweet ass potato fries, mmmmm! Good times were had. If you've never had a Victory brew than what the hell is the matter with you?! Anyways they are suuuu-perb! Moving on.

We headed back to Jitter's pad to regroup, grab some Schaefer's and map out a gameplan for the evening. We went to a nice little watering hole where they had some delicious beers and Roast Beef sandwiches. Sort of like a Philly version of Clark's, except with tvs. We watched the Ohio State-Texas game and slowly the conversation turned to jerseys. We discussed what would be the ultimate jersey to have for each NFL team. Some of the winners include Karl Mecklenburg, Percy Snow, Tim Krumrie and John Hand. We also decided it would be sort of awesome if some dudes were seen together, each wearing a different Amp Lee jersey. Genius. After Ohio State drubbed the Longhorns we moved on, to the Bishop's Collar, not to be confused with the Bishop's Cellar. This was a one and done. But we were entertained while we were there, by the finding of a balloon and the playing of a little game called "Keep it Up". The rules were simple you had to keep the ballon "up" in the air. Annoying to the other patrons, enjoyable to us. We then moved on to a quaint little place where Bill and I were introduced to the game of "Scoff". All you need is beer and at least 3-4 idiots. We were in business. Here's how it works. There is a cup in the middle of the table. Everyone puts one finger on the rim and then you go around and count 1-2-3 and then a number equal to or less than the number of people playing. But here's the rub, when the counter says three everyone must pull or leave their respective digits on the cup. For instance if five people were playing I could say 1-2-3-2. Now if there were in fact two fingers remaining on the cup, I am out. If there is any amount of fingers other than two on there, then I am still in and the next person goes, until one is left and he or she is left to drink the middle cup. It's great fun at the bar and we even met some nice gentlemen who joined us. One, who told us of how he saw Mike Schmidt in LA, playing for the Dodgers, throw a guy out from right field. Now, to my knowledge Mike Schmidt never played right field or for the Dodgers. And it turns out that, I was correct as Schmidt was drafted by the Phillies and played every season with them. Drunk people are awesome! And soon enough, another day was in the books.

Sunday, September 10, 2006:
Sunday morning was rough:
But we had a big day ahead of us, as the NFL season was about to get going with a full slate of games! Jitter was giddy:

And Javen was ready too:
We were off to get some light disc golfing in before the games. So we stopped and picked up Baxter and headed to Sedgley Woods.

We couldn't get a full eighteen in, as kickoff was rapidly approaching and only Baxter had a jersey on! So we headed back to jersey up. Here's who was wearing what:
Bill: Mike Williams, Bills jersey
Jitter: Classic Brian Sipe Jersey, with nothing on the front.
Baxter: Brian Urlacher, Bears
Myself: Aaron Brooks, Saints
And of course Schmitty and Javen were, well, see for yourself:

Oh and of course, don't forget the hometown team represented by some dude:
That's right it's a real Ricky Soul jersey!
We also met Jitter's friend at the Blarney Stone, who was rockin a Steve Tasker jersey. Yep, you heard me. We signed up for the special which was some amount of money for all you can drink and all the wings you can eat and observed the most important rule they had:
If you can't quite read it, it says "No popped collars"
We were somewhat dang-itted when we realized we had to re-up for the four 'o' clock games. Nevertheless, still a good deal as we did some damage to their special, and our insides. Among the fans on hand, were a Titans fan, a couple of Seahawks fans, a Raiders fan and of course the Eagles contingency. Shortly after the second wave of games began, they pulled out the old NES for some Tecmo Super Bowl. Oh it waaassssssss beautiful.I edged out Javen, who was a little off his game, and then fell to Billyball. I'm not really very good at the game to begin with. Couple that with the fact that I hadn't played in ages and it wasn't looking good for me in the bar tourney later that evening. You see evryone drew a team from the hat, which is fine, but I drew the Arizona Cardinals. Let's just say, that despite a stellar defense featuring Freddie Jo Nunn, Ken Harvey and Randall "weee, wee, weee" Jax, I lost and leave it at that. Soon enough Billyball and I were on the road home, leaving this breathtaking weekend behind us. Although it still stays with us in spirit!

1 comment:

  1. I was indeed giddy.
    The Happy Meal is $3 and the name of the next bar was Sugar Mom's.
    All in all, brilliant investigative journalism!

    ReplyDelete