Sunday, October 08, 2006

WEEK SIX: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF KITNA

Well as promised, an earlier look at the upcoming week's NFL games. But first a look at the updated standings in my ongoing battle with the MMQB and The Guy.

Last week's results in parentheses:

Bitterness: 40-34 (6-8)
The Guy: 34-40 (5-9)
MMQB: 32-42 (4-10)


And now, on with the show:


BILLS (2-3) @ LIONS (0-5): Well after getting buried by the Bears, there's nothing like seeing the Lions on the schedule. Until, you remember they have one, mister, Jon Kitna. Don't know if you know this but one of his hobbies is bible stories. That's what it says in his bio. I'm not kidding, nor do really know what that means, see for yourself. And who doesn't love a good bible story? Well not even hail mary play will save Kitna and the Lions this week as the Bills bounce back to .500 with a 23-17 victory.

TITANS (0-5) @ REDSKINS (2-3):
The Titans are bad, but not as bad as they could be. Well record wise, they couldn't be any worse, but they played Indy tight and that should count for something. It doesn't, but it should. Look for good Brunell to show up and the 'Skins to win 14-6.

SEAHAWKS (3-1) @ RAMS (4-1): The Rams might be the quietest 4-1 in the league. I mean did anyone really notice that they are in first in the NFC West? Be honest. Now they beat Denver, in the Broncos, routine opening loss to make everyone think they're not that good game, but other than that they beat Arizona, Detroit and Green Bay. Not exactly the upper echelon of the NFL. Not to mention that their one loss came to the 49ers. Plus the Seahawks had two weeks to ponder what happened to them in Chicago a week ago Sunday Night. Seahawks bring the Rams back to earth and retake the division lead 31-17.

EAGLES (4-1) @ SAINTS (4-1):
Am I the only one who sees just how good the Eagles really are? For the third straight week the Sports Guy has picked against the Eagles and for the third straight week they have covered. Just some food for thought, but with a name like the Sports Guy, maybe he should really have some knowledge of sports outside of Boston. Am I right? Too bad he doesn't have a friend who's an Eagles fans, all we'd here about is his friend Beans (yeah I've named the imaginary friend Beans) and how he always pulls out his Vai Sikahema jersey and talks about how this is the year in Philly. So I'm officially downgrading the sports guy to just The Guy. But I digress. The Eagles are good, and I don't know about anyone else, but I'm imagining a NFC Championship Game between the Eagles and Bears at Soldier Field in fog as thick as pudding. If they don't have fog I say just bring in fog machines and make it happen. Who's with me?! Oh yeah Eagles win again 24-13.

GIANTS (2-2) @ FALCONS (3-1):
Well, in their bye week the Giants remembered how to play defense. How long will this last? Not long enough to beat the Falcons, as they fall behind the Redskins in the most overrated division in the NFL. Losing this one 13-12.

TEXANS (1-3) @ COWBOYS (2-2):
On Monday Night Football they had their little Sportscenter in Game, 30 @ 30 thingamabobber and they reported that Drew Bledsoe is still the Cowboys starting quarterback. I thought they were supposed to report sports news? I don't want to tell the fine folks at ESPN how to do their job, but this is a non-story. If Tony Romo was announced as the starting QB, that, would be news. And while we are on the subject, I'm gonna ask something I've asked before, "What exactly has Tony Romo done to deserve such high praise?" I mean I love his food, no doubt, but his career numbers 0-0, o yds., o int. WOW! Eye popping. It's not as if Bledsoe is being backed up by some guy who as actually done something. I mean I could see if Mike Tomczak or even say, Cade McNown was holding the clipboard. Now, I'm not saying Tony Romo won't be good, I'm just saying all the hype and what-have-yous is unfounded as of yet. Oh yeah Cowboys roll 23-10.

BENGALS (3-1) @ BUCCANEERS (0-4):
The Sports Guy said to never take a crappy quarterback (Bruce Gradkowski) on the road. Now this of course is a good rule of thumb, but how to he come the decision that B-Grad, a fromer Toledo Rocket by the by, was a crappy QB? Funny, because "Bitterness" said he'd play well and was a very decent replacement to Chris "Short one spleen" Simms. Well you know what happened? Um, that's right, just as I had predicted B-Grad was a solid 20-31, 225, 2TDs and no picks. Oh and Sports Guy, p.s., the Bucs covered, biatch! Sadly for B-Grad, much like the Seahawks, the Bengals, who looked more like the Bungles of yore in their last game, and had two weeks to let a bigtime loss ruminate. That, is of course if bigtime losses can, in fact, ruminate. Bengals win 28-17.

PANTHERS (3-2) @ RAVENS (4-1): The Panthers win streak will be put to the test at historic M&T Bank Stadium on Sunday and I gotta say, it don't look good. Hey what happened to all that glorifying of Steve McNair, huh? Hard to belive the same guy that willed his team to a comeback victory against a potent Browns team, didn't get it done against the Broncos. I for one am dumbfounded. That was sarcasm, for those who didn't know. Sometimes it's hard to convey in writing. Well the Ravens defense will win yet another, as the Panthers fall back to five hunny. Ravens win 14-9.

CHARGERS (3-1) @ 49ERS (2-3): Not a lot to say about this one. The 49ers have potential, but the Chargers have Ladanian Tomlinson, who I will now refer to as "Hooch". And I think you know why. That's right pair him with fellow running back Michael Turner and the Chargers have a running tandem that they can dub Turner and Hooch. Chargers ride Turner and Hooch to victory, 27-15.



DOLPHINS (1-4) @ JETS (2-3):
This would be a tougher game for me to call if the Dolphins didn't stink so much. Well I was dead on with at least one prediction last week, the Harrington era began in New England. That's unofficial of course. Word on the street is Nick Saban is seeing what Scott Mitchell is up to. Jets take it 24-14.

CHIEFS (2-2) @ STEELERS (1-3):
I guess we were all wrong about how good the Steelers are. Oh, wait! I was dead on about how overrated the Steelers are. But enough gloating. The Chiefs have performed admirably with Damon "Stop calling me Brock, that's not my name" Huard, but I don't feel they'll be able to muster enough for a victory at the ketchup packet. Steelers win 21-13.

RAIDERS (0-4) @ BRONCOS(3-1):
I was just thinking to myself this past week, "Wow, NBC has picked some pretty good matchups for the Sunday night games. Including that Bears-Seahawks debacle, which did look good on paper, before we all realized the Bears were for real." Then I saw this week's Sunday's matchup, and threw up in my mouth a little. (I was trashing The Guy so much I thought I would use one of his classic phrases. But, don't worry, that's the last of, it I won't go into some long-winded tangent about Vegas, Rounders or House.) Not only do I have a general disdain for both these teams, but it's a terrible matchup. I realize that it is a big rivalry, but was anyone high on the Raiders going into the season? Were they looking at the schedule and trying to find a place to get Oakland on the air? I'd rather have the Dolphins-Jets game on, I mean C'MON! Broncos win in a romp I guess.....28-6.

BEARS (5-0) @ CARDINALS (1-4):
If you thought the Sunday nighter was bad, get a load of this matchup. The high-powered Cardinals offense gets a taste of the national spotlight. Unfortuately, they are up against possibly the best team in the NFL right now and not even the legendary Neil Lomax could save them now. But here's something for Tony Kornheiser to discuss during the game. Apparently Pink Taco is looking to get their name on the new state-of-the-art stadium. That'll be intimdating, having to play in the Pink Taco. But now they can chat with Lindsay Lohan during the game, as she has been tied to Harry Morton, the brains behind the Pink Taco. It's all gold really. Oh yeah Bears roll 35-13

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

3 comments:

  1. Willie, Willie, Willie...the Pink Taco is old news...they announced a couple of weeks ago that they were naming the stadium after online learning resource "University Of Phoenix."

    You might say that the discussion Pink Taco - well, it's not so fresh.

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  2. Dunford shut the fuck up. Pink Taco never goes out of style, BEE-OTCH!

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  3. Boy is my face red , or pink as the case may be. I assure you Dunford, heads are gonna roll at my next staff meeting for this one! And someone's gonna have to go. Betwixt you and me it'll probably be that pederast Hannerhan. Thanks for the catch, I for one am just all sorts of embarrassed. We here at "Bitterness" will not tolerate such negligence from those in our employ. What is this amateur hour?! Honestly! C'MON! Your making me look like an idiot, Hannerhan! I might not even wait for the staff meeting! AUDREY! Get Hannerhan in my office immediately! And, also a banana nut muffin. That's a good muffin. To think, this almost looked like some sort of second rate, non-researched blog, put together, hastily, by one person. DAMN YOU HANNERHAN!

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