WEEK FIVE: KITNA RELOADED

Well let me first just say, last week was not pleasant. Weak Four as I like to call it was not a good one for the "Bitterness" staff. Luckily I would not lose too much ground to my fellow prognosticators. Here are the your up to the week standings with the Weak Four record in parentheses:

Bitterness: 34-26 (5-9)
Sports Gay, er Guy: 29-31 (6-8)
Peter King: 28-32 (8-6)

You know it's a bad week when the Monday Morning Quarterback outpicks the field. One burning question I hav is what does the Sports Guy have against the Eagles? He didn't pick them to cover against San Francisco or Green Bay! Too more or less bad football teams. I mean I know they blew that game against the G-Men, but has he not noticed how balanced the Eagles have been? Anyways, I would like to take this moment to let everyone, especially my good friend javen know that I will make a concerted effort to post this earlier in the week so as to help my readers with office pools. That being said, here we go:

BUCCANEERS @ SAINTS: Does anyone else remember when Mike Alstott was such a big deal? You don't hear much about him this day, as if he disappaered inot thin air! But I looked into it, and, sure enough he is still on Tampa Bay. Good for him. Oh, yeah the "pick". Well oddly enough I don't think the Bucs lose a lot with Bruce Gradkowski. He is from the MAC, which should be enough said, but I'll go on to say that he is being touted as the next Rich Gannon. And you might remember that Jon Gruden did pretty well with Gannon's cannon at the helm. But I wonder if anyone will really try and beat the Saints at home. It seems almost sacrilegious, don't it. I think the Bucs fight the jambalaya voodoo and B-Grad puts one in the win column 21-18.

BROWNS @ PANTHERS: The Brownies, ummmmm, brownies, are feisty that is for danged sure. But I think Carolina is starting to roll, ummmmm rooollllll.....um, and that should carry over to this week. although this has upset written all over it, I'm takin' the cats 28-21.

TITANS @ COLTS: Tony Dungy cannot be pleased with the squeaker his squad oulled out in the Meadowlands, so you the Colts will be revved up for this classic AFC South rivalry. Somehow I don't see the Titans playing them as close as the Jets, Colts cruise 77-3.


RAMS @ PACKERS: This one reckons to be a good ol' fashioned shootout at Lambeau. And you know what you need to win a good ol' fashioned shootout? That's right a gunslinger with a love, no, a passion for the game. Brett Favre, in case you've been under a rock and haven't listened to any NFL games, highlight shows, etc. is just that gunslinger! This will be an angry cockfight in the Cheese State, and the Packers will take it 31-28.

BILLS @ BEARS: Buffalo has a very good defense. The Bears, however, have a very, very, very, very good defense. If the Bears win this one it looks like smooth sailng to 8-0, which pretty much insures, barring a collapse of epic proportions, will make the playoffs. I'm sure Dick Jauron would like nothing better than to return to his old stomping grounds and upend the Bears, but I don't see it happening. I also don't see the Bears dominating the Billsies like they did the Seahawks, they win 11-0.

DOLPHINS @ PATRIOTS: Daunte Culpepper spells his name funny, and is playing downright awful! I look for the Pats to "Theismann" him and usher in the Joey Harrington era in Miami. Pats win 21-13.

LIONS @ VIKINGS: Another solid week for Kitna, but a win is just not in the cards. Vikings win it. 21-17.

REDSKINS @ GIANTS: Is the Redskins offense actually for real? I couldn't tell after they beat up on the staunch Texans defense, but the Jags "D" is pretty good right? I don't really know what to make of this one. Tom "turn and" Coughlin has had two weeks to "prepare" and forget about that disaster in Seattle, but the 'Skins have momentum. So ya know what I figured someone will win by a field goal and I flipped a coin and therefore I pick the Redskins to win 37-35, as Shockey drops the potential game tying two point conversion.

CHIEFS @ CARDINALS: Dear Damon "don't call me Brock" Huard, I apologize for not giving you enough credit. It was against the Niners though, ya gotta give me that, right? Well the Cardinals aren't much better, so the Chiefs will roll again 35-21.

JETS @ JAGUARS: Well, this is another tough pick. The Jaguars are very decent and the Jets have proven much better than I thought. I feel the Jets are that team that'll be right in every game but will continually make that one mistake that costs them the game. I take the Jags in a squeaker 10-7.

RAIDERS @ 49ERS: Yuck! Well I'm about 96% sure I will never pick the Raiders to win a game, no matter how close they come to a win. 49ers 28-16.

COWBOYS @ EAGLES: Contrary to what you may have heard from all the pre-game hype, the whole Cowboys team will be playing this game and not just Terrell Owens. Amidst T.O. getting barraged with pills, pill containers and suicide suggestions, there will be a pretty decent football game being played. I think the Eagles are for real and will make a big statement in the division with a 27-17 win.

STEELERS @ CHARGERS: Well Philip Rivers didn't fare all that well in his first test against the Ravens, but the Chargers were right in it. For cryin out loud Schottenheimer go for the jugular! Don't just sit on the ball when you have a lead! Both teams have a good defense, and I think it'll come down to the running game. I'll go with Ladanian Tomlinson all day. Chargers 16-14.

RAVENS @ BRONCOS: Why is everyone so high on Steve McNair? Is it because he's gone this long without breaking? I mean really he's played well for about 3-5 minutes of the last two games. If it weren't for a stellar defense they'd have at least two losses. I think he takes his first loss of the season at the hands of Jake "The Snake" Plummer, not Roberts, and the Broncos 13-12.

And to show it's not all bad in Oakland, we present The Raiderettes:Remember to control the pet population, have your animals spayed and neutered!