WEEK 7: KITNA RIDES AGAIN

Can you believe it's week 7 already? An boy was week six kooky! Rams, Seahawks down to the wire, the Saints fighting off the Eagles and that Monday Nighter was insane! Well before I jump into the week 7 picks we're gonna talk a little basbeball. Well, not so much baseball, as FOX's lame-ass coverage of it. I mean the announcers are terrible and what the hell is up with the FOX Trax pitch thing? I mean how is a box down in the lower right hand corner of my screen helping anyone. Why can't they put a box over the plate? Does ESPN have the rights to that? And why does FOX still insist on putting in all those flashy graphics and random robot things? Is anyone tuning in because of this? Is there one guy in Des Moines, IA saying," I didn't used to like baseball, but FOX makes it so darned entertainin'what with their flashy graphics and whatnot!" C'mon, give me a break! And who is Tim McCarver sleeping with to still have a job? During the Tigers-Yankees series, he was saying early in one of the games that the home plate ump's corners looked like they were gonna vary all night, because he was calling a very inconsistent strike zone. At the end of the game, he praised how well the game was called behind the plate. Huh? I mean when was the last time Tim McCarver made a valid or pertinent point, 1975? And yes Tim, we all know the last time the Mets won was in 1986 when they beat the Red Sox, is it necessary to keep bringing up! Why don't you also mention that milk comes from cows and George W. Bush is the president?! Or did I just ruin that for ya Tim? Here's a fun little thing google, "Tim McCarver sucks" and sift through the 20,300 or so results that show up. Alright enough of that wonderful return to bitterness here at, well, "Bitterness", here come your week seven picks with some baseball seasoning:

But first a look at the current standings:
Bitterness: 46-41 (6-7)
The Guy: 41-46 (7-6)
MMQB: 37-50 (5-8)

JAGUARS @ TEXANS : Man, I remember sittin down with my dad on Sunday afternoons watching those classic Jaguars-Texans games of yore. Those were the days, ahhh. But sadly this is a rivalry that has lost it's way. I mean nothing will ever be as good as that '77 Jaguars-Texans battle in the Astrodome, sure. I mean, that was about as good as they come, or so my dad says. Even when the Texans started to stink and they pulled off that upset in '88 to keep the Jaguars out of the playoffs, whoooo! I only hope they honor those old teams and wear some throwback uniforms in this one! Jags take it 23-10.

CHARGERS @ CHIEFS: If I'm gonna nickname the Chargers runners Turner and Hooch than Philip Rivers should be Reginald VelJohnson's character "David". But "David" is kind of a weak nickname, so I'm thinking eithr Reg or Vel-J. We'll see. Anyways, there should be no reason that Vel-J, Turner and Hooch can't dominate the Chiefs like the Steelers did last week as the win it Andy Hawkins to Jamie Quirk (That's 40-9 for those not up on your uniform numbers of random 80s baseball players).

PACKERS @ DOLPHINS: I don't care what anyone says, the Dolphins are still winless in my book, no matter what the NFL says. I keep sending those strongly worded emails to "Mr. Excitement" Roger Goodell, but he still says the win over the Titans counts. Bahhh! Moving on. For a good stretch of time, let's call it the 90s and the early stages of the 21st century, sports fans in Wisconsin could turn to the Packers in September to help them forget about the summer months filled with many a Brewers loss, but sadly those days are behind them and now they have to try and hope for the Bucks to help ease their pain. Good luck with that. Oh yeah, a prediction, sorry. The Dolphins have struggled and everyone knows the propensity of a gunslinger like Brett Favre to eat a team like that up, so here's a Packers win to hold Wisconsinites off until the Bucks start up. Pack take it Ben Ogilvie to Jeff Conine in his first stint with the Marlins or 24-19, as two missed field goals by Snowflake really hurt the 'Phins.

STEELERS @ FALCONS: These two cities have quite the baseball history, with the Braves twice ousting the Pirates from the playoffs. But Mike Vick, Warrick Dunn and Alge Crumpler are no Ron Gant, Mark Lemke and David Justice. Plus rumor has it that Doug Drabek has taken Ben Roethlisberger under his wing, so the sky's the limit in the Steel City. Not really, they're still overrated, it's just an expression really. Anyways the city of Pittsburgh gets some revenge against those Tomahawk Choppin' Braves fans in the Georgia Peach Dome and win this one Bobby Bonilla with the Pirates to Brian Hunter or 23-14.

BRONCOS @ BROWNS: I could do something about Cleveland hosting Denver bringing back memories of "the Drive" by John Elway (not to be confused with "Drive" by Larry Bird, a good read, if you have the means I highly recommend picking it up. It got me through a lot of rough times.) but I won't I will just talk about how I'm not gonna talk about it and just tell ya that the Broncos will win a tight one David Nied to Matt Williams with the Indians or 17-9


EAGLES @ BUCCANEERS: The Eagles very well could be undefeated, but they are not and that's all that matters right now. The Buccaneers are ready to take a big turn and do some damage with B-Grad at the helm. So I like the Eagles to win but it'll be close they'll only escpae by a Keith Moreland with the Phillies or by six for those not down with Keith Moreland 20-14

PANTHERS @ BENGALS: The Panthers have won four straight game including last week's win against the Ravens, while the Bengals are headed in the opposite direction, losers of two straight. The Bengals need this one bad as after this they still have to face Atlanta, Baltimore twice, the Steelers, San Diego, New Orleans, a fiesty Browns team, Denver and Indy. The only "cream puff" left is the lowly Raiders, so heading into that stretch at 3-3 could be "Bad News Bears, Walter Matthau" for them, if ya know what I mean. I think Heisman finds the strength to lead them to victory as they win by Joe Oliver, 23-14.

PATRIOTS @ BILLS: How do you recover from being the first team to lose to the Lions? Why by beating the defending division champs. Hey it could happen. I'm not saying it will, but it could. I will say this, Jim Kelly has to be a big fat liar (and I'm not talking about the well-written movie with Paul Giamatti and one Mr. Frankie Muniz)! you see my friend Bill told me that Mr. Kelly was a widely known Republican, to wit I replied, "Ummm, ahahaha, Bill how can he be a Republican, he ran the K-gun?" That's right, the K-GUN! Hardly a conservative offensive approach , I would say! Pish-tosh! I kid, Jim Kelly is a handsome and fine fella, even if he did have a career 51-3 record against the Pats. That stat is of course made up. Pats win it by an Ed Romero, 28-21.

LIONS @ JETS: As it happens Lions and Jets fans may have more on their mind come Sunday afternoon, as the Tigers and Mets could have just played game one of the World Series on Saturday night. This is especially good for Detroit because if the Tigers win it all, then that will carry them for a few months and they might not realize just how bad the Lions really are until late November, early December. Or, perhaps, they'll just jump right to the Red Wings and Pistons, and forget the Lions even exist, who knows. Sort of like, if the Lions go 3-13 this year, would anyone in Detroit know? Well Kitna is poised to make it two in a row but the Lions will fall short once again, losing Rick Aguilera to Chet Lemon or 38-34.

VIKINGS @ SEAHAWKS: Minnesota is the type of team that'll be in just about every game, and this one'll be no different. The Seahawks squeaked past the Rams last week, and sort of seem to not be as good as a lot of people thought. Sure they don't have Shaun Alexander anymore, I guess that's valid, but excuses only take you so far. Seattle is a tough place to play and I think the homefield edge will be enough in this one as the Vikings fans will not be gladden-ed by the outcome as they lose by a Steve Lombardozzi 21-17.

CARDINALS @ RAIDERS: Arizona is coming off one of the biggest choke jobs I have ever witnessed. It's not like losing a best of seven series after being up three games to none or anything, but it was bad. If the Cardinals lose this one, then Denny Green might just throw in the towel. I'm serious! I wonder if the Raiders have tried to see how mobile Dave Stewart is? He was a fireballer, I dunno? Cards win it by Storm Davis or 14, 23-9.

REDSKINS @ COLTS: The only thing going for the 'Skins is that the Colts have a fairly porous run defense. This one will actually be close for awhile, but the Colts will get it done once again winning it by an Al Bumbry, 24-23

GIANTS @ COWBOYS: Okay at this point I'd like to tell y'all a lil' anecdote. You see on Sunday I went to Pat's Sports Bar to drink, watch some football with the one Mr. Marcus Phelps. So we were there and of course there were four or five Cowboys fans, imagine our delight. So as the game goes on they are just ripping into Bledsoe, blaming everything on the fact that he was QB and not the great Tony Romo. Now I would like to applaud Randy Cross, who more or less stuck up for Bledsoe every chance he could. After Bledsoe threw a ball away from the Texans' five, the boo birds were out in Dallas and at Pat's. Cross brought the replay up and said, "Okay, you be the QB.." and proceeded to x-out every reciever that was covered, giving Bledsoe no option but to throw it away. Then saying, "Where did you want him to throw it?" Now at this point the the Cowboys fans at Pat's now blame Parcells' play call. Okay, now say what you will about Bill Parcells, he's a pretty good football coach and he has coached the same way for all 87 years of coaching, and in that same breath he took a Cowboys team quarterbacked by Quincy Carter to the playoffs! So maybe you should think before you speak. Of course to add fuel to the fire Parcells put in Romo late, with the game in hand and he went 2-2 with a TD. His first completion was an underthrown ball that came out funny and the other was almost a shovel pass to Terrell Owens. Hardly impressive, but sure the Romo chants will only get louder in the weeks to come. Giants will win this 13-10.

And that's how the cookie crumbles!