QUESTIONING BASEBALL

Well the 2007 Major League Baseball Season is almost upon us, so obviously it's time for the "Bitterness" 2007 Major League Baseball burning questions:

How many Marlins will suffer a sophomore slump? Can the Phillies put their money where Jimmy Rollins' mouth is? Can Ryan Howard belt 60 homers, playing in the bandbox that is Citizen's Bank Park? Is Dasiuke Matsuzaka the real deal? Or is yet another foreigner stealing a job from a hard working American? Is Stephen Drew as much of an a-hole as his bro, JD? Who will be worse, the Royals or the Nationals? Who will be better, the Yankees or the Red Sox? Will the Angels expand their name even further to the Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem, California, United States of America, Planet Earth? How much longer will the Pirates rebuilding process take? Could the Nationals have the worst starting rotation in history? When will Jim Pankovits become a major league manager? Do I really think Panks can be a manager, or did I just want a reason to drop his name into a blog? Can Sports Illustrated be right on their prediction of the all Los Angeles World Series? How bitter would we be if it happened? Who will win the annual chicken wing eating contest between Bartolo Colon or Livan Hernandez? Or wild card, Curt Schilling? Last year the Blue Jays had a Gustavo Chacin cologne night, wouldn't this be much better in SoCal? With say, Bartolo Colon? Since the Mariners won't be putting fans in the seats by winning games, wouldn't the next best way be to line-up some bobblehead nights? For maybe, I dunno, Ken Phelps, Harold Reynolds, Alvin Davis, Jim Presley, Mickey Brantley, Scott Bankhead or Jim Beattie? Isn't Jason Giambi overdue? Will Bill laugh hysterically after reading that? Are the Yankees-Devil Rays and Red Sox-Royals really the most compelling games ESPN could show us on opening day? Why don't they schedule some better opening matchups? Just get it over with and schedule Yankees-Red Sox to open the season? How excited are Royals, Pirates, Nationals or Devil Rays fans? Really? More exciting in Kansas City, come July- The Chiefs offseason moves or the excitement of Gil Meche on the hill every five days? How excited does a fan of a team, who's ace is Gil Meche, get? How long will it take Giants fans to realize they are not in the midst of a solar eclipse, it's just Barry Bonds' head blocking the sun? Will Mark Mulder ever ptch well again? Where will Roger Clemens pitch? Is anyone else sickened by him? What are the odds of Clemens signing with the Nationals to make some political contacts, paving the way for a run at Texas state comptroller? How many times will Chipper Jones slump and someone say,"He's not looking very chipper today?" If the Royals win a game and nobody sees it, does it still count in the standings?

Well those are the major questions we're looking for answers to this summer. Enjoy as we count down to Opening Day, not to be confused with opening night, which should be good, but we like the full slate of games on Monday. Especially the much anticipated Meche vs. Schilling duel! Now we're sure some may be excited about the Sunday nighter, but Monday's the big day! The day where we'll get ESPN News for 3 hours because the Yankees game is scheduled but will be blacked out and no other game can be shown in that time slot. Grrrr. Anyways, we can't wait, as we're just about five days away from playing ball!

MONDAY MORNING NICKELBACK

Welcome to our very first edition of "Monday Morning Nickelback". For a long time, many of our fans have wanted us to delve into the "music" scene. So we decided we'd give it a go with "Monday Morning Nickelback", a blog dedicated to one of the worst bands of all time, Nickelback. We're gonna kick it off with a little article from the Ottawa Citizen. The article lets you know that hatred toward Nickelback is recognized not only in the States, but in Canada as well. We like how they mentioned that Kurt Cobain would have been repulsed by the music of Nickelback. Well, "DUH!" Nickelback should not even be mentioned in the same breath as Nirvana. Cobain is probably rolling over in his grave for anyone even remotely connecting Nckelback to Nirvana. Just cause a band looks "grungy", doesn't make them "Grunge". Not to say "Grunge" is even the greatest musical movement of all time or anything. We're not
saying that. We all know, that honor goes to Rockabilly. I mean if they really wanted to make a real point of how bad the boys from Nickelback are, they should compare them to a band that really defines "awesome", like Seven Mary Three, who can be seen in Utica, NY on April 26. I mean let's be serious, why isn't 7M3's Jason Ross being interviewed? Now that'll move some Ottawa Citizens! The difference between what's awesome and what's not, would be so glaring....I mean, you can be sure, that 7M3 has never had batteries thrown at them in Boston, like Nickelback. Now while we do love Beantown hurling batteries at Nickelback, let's see if can't get a little more clever next time around and toss rolls of nickels at them? It's witty, can still cause some damage, but is change that the band can use in the snack machine after the show, rather than clogging it up with Canadian nickels. This way, when a kickass band like, Sevem Mary Three, comes to town that snack machine is still functioning properly, so they can stock up on Watchamacalits and Funnyuns for the road.

THE UGLY FOUR

Well the Final Four is set! And here's a look at the ugliest and or scariest looking guys from each squad:

Now the Hoyas are, in fact a pretty handsome team, and the best we could do was this guy:


Sead Dizdarevic, hardly plays, but as the whitest guys on the team, he becomes, by default the ugliest. Now, while Sead may not be handsome, you could still see how he could be garner an "adorable" from the femininas.



Next up is good ol' Greg Oden:

Oden has the beleaguered face of a fifty-year-old. He looks like an enchanted tree from Narnia or the Lord of the Rings or something.

Onto the other side of the bracket we have UCLA and the wretched looking Lorenzo Mata:

Mata is like some sort of scary science experiment where they crossed John Tuturro with a wet rat and he was the product. But he is not even, in our minds anyways, the ugliest player particpating in this year's Final Four.

That honor, we feel, belongs to none other than Joakim Noah:

Noah makes me want jam sharpened #2 pencils into my eye sockets. It's rumored that some of the female persuasion find him attractive. To them I say, "Wha-wha-wha-wha-whaaaaatttttt?! Are you kidding me?!" Well I guess there's no accounting for good taste?

ALUM-INATING IV

MIDWEST REGION:
FLORIDA- Florida is another repeat from last year's Sweet Sixteen, so you saw a few of their prized alums last year. But luckily they graduate a lot of people, including stand-up comedian Todd Barry. Barry is a funny, weird looking fella. If you have the chance give him a listen, you'll have a couple laughs. The University of Florida also produced the hip-hop artist Status Quo and Academy Award winning actress Faye Dunaway. Another noted alum is Saturday Night Live's Darrell Hammond. Hammond is the senior man on SNL, known for his impersonations of people like Chris Matthews, Bill Clinton and of course Sean Connery, among others.

BUTLER- Some Butler alums include porn star Hypatia Lee, and the "Peoples Temple" cult leader Jim Jones. Butler also gave us Walgreen's first pharmacist, Michael Lynn Miles. Miles was the first in a long line of great pharmacists to sport the Walgreen's white coat. To this day Walgreen's continues to be in the top 50 pharmacies in the nation.



OREGON- Oregon has given us the founders of Nike, Bill Bowerman and Phil Knight as well as famed author and noted acid dropper Ken Kesey. Kesey is best known for his book, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and for being one of the main characters in Tom Wolfe's Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. But the best alum we could find has to be Stephen Cannell. Cannell is responsible for some of the greatest television ever made. He created such hits as The Greatest American Hero, The Commish, Silk Stalkings, 21 Jump Street and the crowned jewel of them all, the A-Team! I love it when a blog comes together. Yes, I think we all owe a great deal to Mr. Cannell.

UNLV- Of course the we all know about the famed UNLV cagers, Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon, Greg Anthony and Anderson Hunt, but let's delve a bit deeper into the Las Vegas alums. Jimmy Kimmel and ESPN's Kenny Mayne both attended UNLV. Jimmy Kimmel first started to gain notoriety with The Man Show and now of course hosts Jimmy Kimmel Live. he has also been dating Sarah Silverman. Our last former Runnin' Rebel is The Killers drummer Ronnie Vannucci.

EAST REGION:
GEORGETOWN- Georgetown was home to acclaimed actor, director, producer Carl Reiner. Reiner is responsible for some classic Steve Martin flicks as The Jerk, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, and the Man With Two Brains. Most recently he can be seen in the Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's Twelve, and soon Ocean's Thirteen. Another former Hoya is Jim Gaffigan. The very funny comedian can be seen on many a Sierra Mist commercial as well as TBS' My Boys.

VANDERBILT- The list of former Commodores includes Las Vegas' Molly Sims, Chairman and CEO of Emerson Electric, David Farr, Amy Grant, Betty Paige and the late Dinah Shore-ah. But it was also once home to both Tipper and Al Gore. And of course without Al Gore, this blog would not even be possible, since he did, in fact invent the internets! Without Al we would not have access to tons of porn, shirtless picks of Steve Guttenburg and other celebrities, email, or ebay. Thank you Vanderbilt for providing Mr. Gore with the education that has helped turn him into the man he is today.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA- USC has produced 15 astronauts that includes the first man on the moon, Neil Armstrong and Apollo 13 hero, Jim Lovell. As well as giving us many space explorers, it has also given us a very large contribution to television and film, like George Lucas and Robert Zemeckis. Without Lucas, we'd have no Star Wars and without Zemeckis, no Back to the Future! But, much like last year, we have an Arrested Development tie-in. As none other than Ron Howard was a Trojan as well. Howard was the narrator for Arrested Development. Now sure, he was also in Happy Days and The Andy Griffith Show and directed such classics as Splash, Parenthood, Apollo 13, and EdTV. Good work Opie!

NORTH CAROLINA- Chapel Hill played host to noted author Tom Wolfe. Wolfe wrote Bonfire of the Vanities as well as the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. It also played home to Andy Griffith
who starred in The Andy Griffith Show and Matlock. But our favorite former Tar Heel would have to be the best baseball analyst around, Peter Gammons. Gammons is a great baseball writer, whom I've been reading for years and years. It actually used to be my goal as a kid to finish his column in the Sunday Boston Globe. Believe me it's long. There is probably no one with as much baseball knowledge as Gammons. Plus he also likes to"rock out!"

So there ya have it! Another year, another Sweet Sixteen, another look at some noted alumnists. Hope you enjoyed.

ALUM-INATING III

After rave reviews of last years Sweet Sixteen blogs, we've decided to once again look at those famous or notable people that have graduated or at least attended the schools in this year's Men's Basketball Sweet Sixteen. So today we'll look at the first eight schools.

SOUTH REGION:
MEMPHIS- Well last year we learned that the incomparable Designing Woman, Dixie Carter attended the University of Memphis, but did you also know that legendary game show host Wink Martindale went there as well? Yes the host of several game shows, including, "High Rollers", "Tic Tac Dough", and "Trivial Pursuit". And recently he has appeared in commercials for Orbitz gum. Now, while he was no Bill Cullen, he did a bang-up job.

TEXAS A&M: Now aside from the many football players A&M has churned out, the list of alumnists also includes goofy looking musician Lyle Lovett and noted actor Rip Torn. You may be familiar with Torn's portryal of Patches O'Houlihan in the movie Dodgeball or as Tom Green's angry father in the cinematic classic Freddie Got Fingered. But there is one more notable A&M alum we'd like to mention. James Adams. Adams is the Director at Texas Instruments, which is of course responsible for my graphing calculator and my Speak 'n' Spell. Do they still make those? If not, you can bet Mr.Adams will be receiving a letter from me.

OHIO STATE- Well, the list of famous Ohio State alumnists is very, very long. The list includes Everybody Loves Raymond's Patricia Heaton, Hall of Fame baseball announcer Jack Buck, and famed comedy writer Bruce Vilanch, who you may better know from Hollywood Squares, hosted by Tom Bergeron. But it's coolest alum by far has to be, Ron O'Neal. O'Neal of course played cocaine dealer Youngblood Priest in the blaxpoitation Superfly movies. Unfortunately, O'Neal passed away and will only there in spirit when the Buckeyes take on Tennessee on Thursday evening.

TENNESSEE- Now, the mosted noted Volunteers are athletes, like Peyton Manning, Allan Houston, and Todd Helton. But did you know that ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski also attended the University? Or how about Woody Paige? Yes that's right, the same Woody paige you can see on ESPN's Around the Horn or Cold Pizza. In our opinion Paige is one of the biggest windbags on the continent, maybe the world, and has no business being on television, but maybe that's just us? Another famed alum is none other than Kevin Nash. Nash was a longtime wrestler, who you may know as Diesel. Nash has also done some acting. He appeared in an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and played Shredder in the movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.


WEST REGION:
KANSAS- Now Kansas has quite a few notable alums, such as Quantum Leap's Scott Backula, Boy Meets World's Betsy Randle (she was the mom), Mandy Patinkin, and thin, fat, thinner actress Kirstie Allie. But far and away, our favorite former Jayhawk is none other than Brian Fantana himself, Mr. Paul Rudd. We've been a fan of Rudd's work for a long time and look forward to his upcoming ventures as well. His best best work to date though,would have to be his role as Brian Fantana in Anchorman.

SOUTHERN ILLINOIS- Southern Illinois has produced some extremely funny people. There's Mr Show's Bob Odenkirk (oddly enough Santa Fe mayor David Coss is also a former Saluki), Bill Dwyer and Jim Belushi (if you've seen K-9 you know what we're talking about!). We should also mention that former Playboy model and Singled Out girl, Jenny McCarthy was a Saluki. But the baddest mammajamma to ever attend this esteemed insitution, is none other than Richard Roundtree! That's right, SHAFT! Shut your mouth! I'm just talking about SHAFT!

UCLA- Many noted actors have attended UCLA. Among them is "Rudy" and hobbit, Sean Astin.
Another UCLA alum is Blossom, aka Mayim Bialik. Now interestingly enough The Simpson's Harry Shearer and Nancy Cartwright were both Bruins. But it doesn't end there, as Simpson's producer David Silverman also attended. But since this is inspired by the college hoops tournament, we would be remiss uf we didn't include one of the best ballers to come out of UCLA, the one and only Jaleel White. We've seen Urkel ball, on Family Matters with Grandmama, and as himself take over MTV's Rock 'n' Jock basketball.

PITTSBURGH- Piitsburgh was attended by one of the greatest dancers of all-time, Gene Kelly as well as well-established writer John Irving. You probably know Kelly from Singin' in the Rain, while you may know Irving for the movies that were made from his books, like The World According to Garp and The Cider House Rules. Or perhaps you've read the novelizations? But the best alum has to be David Dalessandro. He of course, wrote the screenplay for the cinematic genius that is Snakes on a Plane.

So that's it! Tune in later to see if we can find a blaxploitation connection to the other two regions as well.

MADNESS?

This year's NCAA Men's basketball tournament has been, fairly uneventful thus far, in our minds. Only two, yes two, real upsets in the first round and we were surprised be neither! A few underdogs made some valiant efforts, but, in the end just ran out of gas, which after a steady two-day diet of beer and meats, is in abundance at Javen's abode. The lack of upsets, however, as made us a little fiesty, and not even brutal blowjob websites, could seem to turn things around. Yesterday's "highlights" included the pesky squad from Winthrop ousting Notre Dame, ECP showing up wearing jean shorts, a sweater vest and nothing else but a charming smile, the breaking of free roadside rocking chair Brian Lillis playing hard in a losing effort for UA, the invention of "Gay, Hot or Both", which is will be an Oxygen original game show soon enough, deep dish pizza from Dominos, bizarre college baketball trivia and the arrival of Billyball. But as I mentioned I think the lack of upsets and a team from Syracuse in the tournament has put us on edge. We "debated" such popular issues as the selection comittee and expanding the tournament, trickle-down economics, the nutriotional merit of beef jerky, what constitutes the "best of Schenectady", pick-pocketing, American Idol, Playboy, visible bum-cracks and flaming bags of dog poop and the human response. Plus, sadly we lost Jitter to a highly anticipated Drexel-Albany lacrosse match in Philly. I've also established that anyone who has picked more 27 or more games correctly is a borderline feminine hygiene product. Because that would mean you picked no real upsets, and that's not what March is about! I know this because just for esses and gees, I made a bracket picking the higher seed and I have 27 correct. In my "real" bracket I have 23 correct and am in a three way tie for the lead in the "1st AnnuaDiet Mr. Pibb NCAA Tournament Challenge" Now, that's how you pick 'em! Your upset of the day today is Michigan State over North Carolina. You'll see, you'll all see!

DAY 1

The first day of the tournament was not quite as mad as it could have been. While there were some good games, there were not a lot of surprises. The biggest "upset" was Virginia Commonwealth over 6-seeded Duke, which while it was an upset, it didn't come as much of a surprise.

We of course will bask in the glory of Duke's demise to no end. It seemed a lot of the underdogs just didn't have enough steam to finish the job. Oral Roberts was up two at the half, but in the second half the Cougars of Washingon State pulled away. Davidson played the David to Maryland's Goliath pretty well, but in the end Dell Curry's son, Stephen, just didn't have enough rocks in his slingshot and it was "The Straw" Darryl Strawberry's kin DJ, that advanced. But not to worry, Davidson will use the Dell Curry connection t help recruit, seeing if one of Larry "The Sperm Factory" Johnson's illegitimate kids is available, as Kelly Tripucka's kids are all too old by now.

Anyways, upsets we picked that did not come to fruition include Texas Tech, Wright State, Old Dominion, and Gonzaga, but luckily I only managed to lose one Sweet Sixteen team......so far.

Much of the early afternoon was filled playing what I have dubbed the "Balki Game", where you pick who would win between the teams monikers and or mascots. Like who would between a Commodore and a Minuteman? Who could a Chanticleer beat? Who could beat a Golden Griffin? Could a Pheonix beat a Griffin? Who would beat the Dragons? Possibly the Black or Scarlet Knights? Who exactly could the Centenary Gentlemen beat? The Friars? Demon Deacons? What exactly is a Zip? How 'bout The Green Wave versus the Crimson Tide? Hurricanes versus Cyclones? It's minutes of fun!

Here's what to watch for in Day 2 of the tournament:

Reggie Theus having to look down his bench and wish he had Teddy Bear or Vince D'Amata to go in. Brian Lillis' hair, alone, dominating the Cavaliers of Virginia. Winthrop avoiding being Lose-throp against the Fighting Irish. A Creighton-Nevada game that could be the game of the day, aside from Albany's upset of UVA of course. Enjoy your day two!

IT'S ELECTRIC!

Yes, yes! It is finally here. By the time you read this the tournament will already have started and I will be living the good life in Schenectady's Stockade Region, possibly with a Screamer (A Genny Cream Ale for those not in the know!) in hand. This will be the fourth annual "Electric Stockade Asses Test". The title is still a work in progress. Yes our good friend, Mssr Javen Bohall has opened his heart and more importantly his home to several blithering idiots to watch basketball, drink beer, eat meats, etc. etc. This year, he's got new digs, right down the street from his old abode, and we're excited at the possibilities! Don't you worry there will be plenty of details of the shenanigans that ensue, up in the Electric City's beautiful and historic Stockade Region. But right now is a time to look a "Bitterness" look at the tournament:

Now I could break down everything region by region, with stats and useful analysis, but that's what ESPN and CNNSI are for. So I'm just gonna do what I do best and ramble! Now when filling in your brackets, there are many school's of thought as to how to go about it. You could go around and study RPIs, Strength of Scedule, Streaks, Stats, yada, yada, yada. You could use the tried and true method of picking the higher seeded team in every game or what I like to call the "Dick Method", because, let's face it, we all know it won't happen and it's just lazy, but you could very well win your bracket doing this. Interesting story: One year, possibly "Bitterness the College Years", my good friend Chuck had a pool where you got the points for the round as per usual, plus the seed or something to that affect, effect? So if you picked a 12 to win their 1st round game and they did, you would get regular points plus 12, because that was their seed. It encouraged looking at a bracket and actually picking upsets. But, alas, that was back when we would cut the brackets out of our local paper's and send it to the person in charge. Now we can use Al Gore's internets. They're on computers now! God bless the internets!
Anyways moving on, where was I? Ah yes, rambling. Another method is the good ol' Balki Bartokomous System. For those of you not familiar with Perfect Strangers, I'll explain: You see Balki, being from the island of Mypos, new very little about American sports, but kept managing to win the office football pool at work? When Cousin Larry asked him how, ot became clear that he used the team names to decide. For instance a Lion would tear apart a simple Packer. But as I looked over the bracket, I realized that this system would probably not get you very far. Just for esses and gees, we did a Balki Bracket and the winner was North Texas. They're the North Texas Mean Green, for goodness sake! They might as well just call themselves the North Texas Incredible Hulks. And trust, me the Hulks would prevail against pretty much anything. If you happen to see their first round game, but I would look in the stands for people painted green and wearing some tattered purple shorts! Now of course there is also the early dilemma of deciding which is tougher a Villanova Wildcat or a Kentucky Wildcat? We would go with the Villanova Wildcats, because you have to be tough to live in Philly. And while on the fun subject of name games like Wildcats vs. Wildcats, how 'bout the Cardinals versus the Cardinal? Weird, right? Oh, but back to making picks. Another method is to just sit down in front of the bracket, don't think too much and just pick. Or, have you pet pick. We had our cat, Lily make her picks and she seems to think the Panthers of Pittsburgh are gonna win the whole thing. But it's hard to take the word of someone, who, well, can't talk and licks their butt. We usually go with the over analyzing, back and forth, hemming and hawing, agonizing over each pick method. Does this work, you ask? Well, let's just say 47% of the time it works every time! Okay, so we've showed you several ways to pick, so now here's what we came up with:

SOUTH REGION:
If you want upsets, look no further than New York's Capital Region. That's right folks, Albany is Dane-gerous. And Brian Lillis and company have to like there draw here. Now it's not exactly a Cavalier thought to see Virginia go down early. While they posted a pretty good record in the highly, highly, highly overrated ACC, when it came to the big games they oft times couldn't cut the mustard. Look for Albany to go tit for Solomon Tat in this one. But I like the Danes chances to crash the Sweet Sixteen. If you look at the 5-12 matchup in Columbus, you see Tennessee and Long Beach State. No one has really been talking about the 49ers, which makes them primed for an upset, especially against Tennessee. Let me volunteer some thought about Tennessee: Under Bruce Pearl their postseason track record has not been good. In '06, after a stellar regular season they were bounced in the second round, and needed a last second three in the 1st round to even get that far. Not to mention their early exit from the SEC Tournament. Plus the fact that Long Beach State has someone named Dominique and someone named Byrd on their squad. Now we know it's spelled differently than Larry Legend , but still kind of Eerie, Indiana, don't you think? We also like the Blue Jays of Creighton to head to the Sweet Sixteen, as they will Funk-up Nevada and Memphis. Nevada is good, but this is a tough draw for them, even with one of the best in the college game right now, in Nick Fazekas. But the problem is the Wolf Pack don't play defense and that's what wins chamionships. I feel, as I did last year, that Memphis is overrated. Now last year I went a bit nutty, and picked them to be the first #1 seed to lose in the first round since the tournament went to 64 teams. But that didn't happen. Still, playing in Conference-USA can't help them. I mean when was the last time they played a meaningful, or for that matter a tough game? They can probably get by the Incredible Hulks in the first round, but either Nevada or Creighton will knock them out. I also wouldn't be surpirised to see the Cardinal upset the Cardinals in the first round. Now I know the game is Lexington, but I gotta feel that a lot of Kentucky fans not headed to Chigago will be their vehemently rooting aginst Rick Pitino's squad. Not to mention that big Celtic contingent they have in Lexington. Damn you Rick Pitino! Anyways, I think this bracket comes doen to Ohio State and Texas A&M, which of course means the Buckeyes and A&M will now be doomed to feel the Aggie-ny of defeat early. But I stand by it. Now this should be a good game and a tough one to call, but I like the Aggies to get to the Final Four out of this region.

SOUTH PICKS:
1st Round: Ohio State, Xavier, Tennessee, Albany, Louisville, Texas A&M, Creighton, Memphis
2nd Round: Ohio State, Albany, Texas A&M, Creighton
3rd: Ohio State, Texas A&M
Champ: Texas A&M


EAST:
We don't feel this'll be a region with a lot of first round upsets. We only picked Texas Tech to oust Boston College in the first round and that's only a 10-7 upset, which barely counts. BUt the Eagles have been iffy at best. They do have Dudley, but that just reminds us of the creepiest Diff'rent Strokes them off in the second round. Marquette seems to be flying under most people's radar, but rets assured, they can ball! And some forget that the Spartans were pretty hot going into the Big Ten Tournament and are battle tested against Wisconsin and Ohio State, which are vastly superior to the ACC schedule that UNC sputtered down the strectch with. Plus Tyler Hansbrough's mask will hinder him a bit. Now, North Carolina fans I don't want you to think I'm a heel or anything, but I see them headed home early. Last year, on a whim, we picked Oral Roberts to beat Memphis in the first round, which did not come to fruition. It was a tough call of whether or not they could upset three seeded Washington State. It could very wel happen, but while we'll be wearing our Oral Roberts t-shirt rootin them on, we just feel it's not in the cards for an upset this year. Now we know Kelvin "Duran" Durant is only a fr episode ever, with Gordon Jump. The top four seeds are pretty good, in what could be the toughest region of them all. Before winning the ACC Tournament the Tar Heels were sort of struggling, and let's face it, that win over Duke to end the season is much less impressive than it used to be. A lot of people seem to think the Tar Heels are gonna cruise right on into the Sweet Sixteen, but both Michigan State and Marquette could easily knockeshman, but he's hungry like the wolf. We think that, while experience helps, it is overrated. I remember a certain Syracuse team led by two freshman winning the whole shabang not too long ago. So don't let experience be too much of a factor when dedciding how far Texas will go. We think it comes down to the Horns and the Hoyas, but don't sleep on the Cougars of Washington State. Georgetown is one of, if not thee, hottest team in the country right now. The Hoyas have won four straight and 15 out of 16, with there only loss in that stretch coming against Syracuse, who is not in the tournament. Blah! But what you don't hear much about, is the Hoyas Johnathan Wallace. John Wallace? The last time a John Wallace was in the tournament, I believe he fared pretty well. I like the Hoyas, because Texas' "D" is not as good as it needs to be to win it,a nd if I'm wrong about UNC, they will probably wear down the Horns in the round of sixteen, giving G'Town an advantage. So in other words, Texas'll probably win the whole thing.

EAST PICKS:
1st Round: UNC, Michigan State, USC, Texas, Vanderbilt, Washington State, Texas Tech, Georgetown
2nd Round: Michigan State, Texas, Washington State, Georgetown
3rd Round: Texas, Georgetown
Champ: Georgetown

WEST:
Out west, we like the upsets to come in the bottom half of the bracket, with VCU, Gonzaga and Wright State. Now I'm sure at least one of these won't happen. Either VCU or Wright State won't win, but I'm still picking both of them. Why? Cause I'm insane! Let's see Duke, is just plain struggling right now. They don't have that usual Duke aura about them. Don't get me wrong, they're still cocky and annoying, but they have less team chemistry than usual and that's why we feel, they're headed for an early exit. Now we picked Wright State, mostly as a wildcard. There's something about Pittsburgh that I can't quite put my finger on, telling me they're headed out early. They were beaten badly by the Hoyas in their last game, so either they'll come out tight and be off their game or they'll use that Georgetown game as motivation to run to the Sweet Sixteen. I vote for them being tight. Now call me hokie, or old fashioned, but I'm just not sold on Virginia Tech. Now they did play well against the cream of the ACC, but admittedly that's less of a big deal this year. But they have a good draw, the Illini are a bad offensive team and don't have their "offensive" native-american mascot anymore, so the Hokies should be able to handle that, but will have a tought second round draw in the Salukis of Southern Illinois. This game is being played a lot closer to SIU's campus than V-Tech's, so we like the Salukis. Up top, Kansas is the one seed, although they may not be as good as the 2 seed and if they get to the regional final, they'll most likely end up playing UCLA in San Jose,CA. Yes, folks that "C" in UCLA, stands for California. But Kansas, has had a propensity for early exits, losing in the first round each of the last two years. So if I'm Jayhawks fans I'm worried about Villanova in the 2nd round, and if past that the Salukis in the round of 16. It's not an easy road for Kansas, as they'll probably thinking, there's no place like home. We're itching to pick Kansas to lose early, but we think they'll squeak through to the round of sixteen, where they will upend the Salukis, before falling to the Bruins.

WEST PICKS:
1st Round: Kansas, Villanova, Virginia Tech, Southern Illinois, VCU, Wright State, Gonzaga, UCLA
2nd Round: Kansas, So. Illinois, Wright St., UCLA
3rd Round: UCLA, Kansas
Champ: UCLA

MIDWEST:
This was probably the toughest region to pick, because it features a bunch of up and down teams. Oregon, Maryland, and even Arizona could easily get hot and win the region. Plus this region is packed with upset potential. Winthrop, Davidson, Old Dominion and Miami (OH) could very easily pull off a first round upset. Now, Butler has been ranked all season, but faltered in the home stretch, whereas a lot of people were surprised ODU even got in the dance, so really this is a much closer game than a 5-12. Butler is currently favored by a point, which is might as well be a pick 'em. But, after much consternation I have decided that I'm gonna take the Bulldogs over the Monarchs. Now the only reason I like Miami (OH) as a possible upset is because no one's really talking much about them. It took a banked-in three pointer to get them in, so most think they are not that good, but they've got an Oregon team that was terrible in mid-season, but then ran the table in the PAC-10 Tournament. The Ducks can shoot, that's for sure, and they could easily get all the way to the Final Four, if they're on. I think they'll ride the momentum from their conference tournament into one more victory. Meanwhile we will pick Winthrop to upset Notre Dame and Oregon! We like their heart and grittiness. Now i it plays out, and we think it will, that they meet Wisconsin in the Sweet Sixteen, that could be very interesting, as Winthrop lost at Wisconsin by 3 in overtime. Which means Winthrop could, I repeat could get to the Elite Eight. Remember Wisconsin is without their leading rebounder Brian Butch and that is what'll hurt Wisconsin's Final Four chances. So yes we have Winthrop in the Elite Eight! Now, all the way at the top of the bracket, everyone is saying Florida has an easy road. Well, if the good Arizona shows up, they have a good shot at Florida. We think the Alligators will be able to handle the Wildcats, but it could be a lot closer than you think. But don't forget about the Terrapins, who could also give Florida a run for their money. But in the end I look for Florida to end Winthrop's Cinderella run.

MIDWEST PICKS:
1st Round: Florida, Arizona, Butler, Maryland, Winthrop, Oregon, UNLV, Wisconsin
2nd Round: Florida, Maryland, Winthrop, Wisconsin
3rd Ruond: Florida, Winthrop
Champ: Florida

FINAL FOUR
UCLA over Florida and Georgetown over Texas A&M
With UCLA winning the whole thing!

And now for a quick note to those people who are in pools and whatnot. Don't root for your bracket. If a team you picked to go to the Final Four, is about to be upset, embrace the upset, don't whine about ruining your bracket! Especially since not a lot of people will have picked the upset, so it probably won't really hurt you chances that much. Enjoy the games!

TIME'S RUNNING OUT

Yes folks there is less than 24 hours left for you to sign up for the Diet Mr. Pibb Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NCAA Tournament Challenge! Just go to www.yahoo.com, go to fantasy sports and sign up for the Tournament Pick 'em. Select the "Join a Group" option and enter this private league. The League ID is 89326 and the password is huzzah. It's that simple. So far there are only three brace souls who dare challenge me, so get going fools! And now a look at March Madness the Musical. Yes folks you read correctly, March Madness the Musical! March Madness the Musical features such songs as:

Bubble Bobble- "Are we in? Are we out?! We just don't know"

Selection Sunday- "Who is in? Where are they going? Who got robbbed? who doesn't belong?..."

Better Laettner than Never- " Cry, cry Thomas Hill...."

Cinderella, Cinderella-" Bippity boppity-boo! A fifteen over a two..."

Thank You, Bryce Drew- "Thank you Bryce, that was nice! Now they know, all about Valpo..."

Zags to Riches- " From underdogs to favorites, Santangelo would savor it..."

Tomorrow- "Betcha Cameron Dollar that, tomorrow....."

Buzzer Beaters- "Syracuse being out-Smart-ed, Laettner leaving Wildcats broken hearted..."

The Other Side of the Upset- " No one cares about the favorites. If we shed a tear, they'll say, 'Save it!..."

The Game Reset-"The margin is narrow so who has the arrow? The possession arrow! We need to knooooooooowwwwwwwwww...."


And much, much more!

IT'S THAT TIME!

Well, it is almost here. The field is set. We're just days away from the ultimate in madness! Now a little bit has been taken from this tournament, as Syracuse, in an obvious mistake by the selection commitee, has been left out. Now we could go on for paragraphs at why the Orange should be in the tourney, but, we won't, because we're talking tournament. Now, in recent years, we have not fared very well, usually being near the bottom of the barrel in our tournament pools. But things are gonna change, we can feel it. But in a new twist that only "Bitterness" can bring you, we are taking on all comers this year. That's right folks, if you think you can pick this year's tourney better than "Bitterness", well here's your chance! For the first time ever you can compete against an almost popular blog! That's right just sign up at www.yahoo.com Tournament Pick 'em and select "Join a Group". The ID# is: 89326 and the password is: huzzah. (The period is not in the password, I was just ending a sentence.) So if your up to the first ever "Diet Mr. Pibb Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NCAA Basketball Tournament Challenge" than bring the noise folks! In the words of Bluto, in Animal House, "Don't cost nothin!" You're probably wondering if there are prizes? Well, besides being crowned, "The 2007 Diet Mr. Pibb Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch NCAA Basketball Tournament Challenge Champion", you could also win a no-expense paid trip to the Salt City to meet Salt City Saul and, possibly, other Salt City bloggers? Now of course this means that we cannot go revealing our picks until after the tournament tips off. So you will have to wait until Thursday for the "Bitterness" picks and insights. So, do you have what it takes to beat us at our own game? If so, sign up ASAP.

MADDENING

Well, there are a butt load of tourneys kicking off in the next couple days. Now these predictions will not be quite as in depth as the previous posts, because most of them are the major conferences and you know all about them, plus there's so many that if they were too in-depth this post would drag on forever. Plus it's just so draining. So these'll be pretty short and sweet. got it? Good. Alright, here goes:

BIG WEST CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP:
Well the top two seeds get a free pass to the semis, so ya gotta like their chances. This tourney seems cut and dry, no upsets on the way. Which means it'll come down to the Aaron Nixon and the Long Beach State 49ers over Derek Stockalper and the Mustangs of Cal-Poly. My wild card team is the Titans of Cal-State Fullerton, and not just because their best player is Bobby Brown. I like them cuz, well, it's my perogative. We do wish that Cal-State Northridge Matadors would make the tournament. I mean really, that would be the ideal team for the "Ole, ole, ole" chant. So, you heard it here, the 49ers are going dancing like there's a gold rush!

THE FIRSTENERGY MID-AMERICAN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP:
The Zips of Akron are the favorites and we are not one to argue. The Zips are the top dog, led by Romeo Travis. Now Toledo and Kent State couldmake a run at the title, and Buffalo does have this year's "Shaq of the MAC", Yassin Idbihi. But, Idbihi doesn't have the supporting cast, and we feel it's the Zips'll take this one.We dolike the Broncos of Western Michigan to pull off a quarterfinal upset over Kent State. Zipitty-do-dah, Akron is going to the Big Dance.

SOUTHWESTERN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT
The favorite is the Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils. But we are going way, way, way, way out on a limb and picking an upset special. We like Deforrest Riley-Smith and the Jaguars of Southern University. We don't really know why, just a hunch. I mean you could go gambling on Grambling, but we wouldn't. It's all Jaguars, baby!

THE ATLANTIC-10 CONFERENCE CHAMPIONHIP
This conference is not what it once was. We love that UMASS is somewhat good again, with A-10 Player of the Year, Stephane Lasme, and of course Tiki Mayben. But we don't feel the Minutemen have enough to get by the mighty Musketeers of Xavier. XU is the #1 seed and the defending tournament champs. Led by Justin Doellman, Xavier should cruise to the finale against UMASS. The two had one meeting this year at Xavier, with the Musketeers taking it by 6. Now this will be on a neutral court, but we think the Musketeers will still edge the Minutemen to lock up the automatic bid, leaving Umass to wait and wonder if, they too, will be dancing.

BIG EAST MEN'S BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP PRESENTED BY AEROPOSTALE
Once you get tothe majors,it gets harder and harder to predict, because there are over a handful of temas who could make a run. Last year Syracuse, was all but done,when they headed to the MSG, before rattlin' off four straight victories en route to their second consecutive Big East Tournament title. Now Syracuse could be poised to make another run, but could have trouble with the Huskies in the opening round. We think Marquette is another team that could make a run, but Pittsburgh stands in thier way. We like the Panthers to head to the finals against the Hoyas of Georgetown, even though we think Aaron Gray is overrated. The Hoyas will need a big tournament from Roy 'the Doctor' Hibbert. We think the Hoyas are the team to beat, but they could run up against the Orange, who may just have their number. It doesn't seem too far-fetched for the 'Cuse to three-peat, but unfortunately we feel the Hoyas will win it.

CONFERENCE-USA MEN'S BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP PRESENTED BY AEROPOSTALE
We're not gonna go to deep into this one, as Memphis is the runaway favorite. They were 16-0 in conference, and we don't think they'll lose this week, unless they give up and half-ass it. If that happens, it's up for grabs between Central Florida, Houston and Tulsa. We like Houston to come out of that group. But Memphis may not even need their A-game to win this one.

THE PACIFIC LIFE PAC-10 TOURNAMENT
Our wild card team in this one is Stanford. The Cardinal have played well against the cream of the PAC-10. They could give the Washington State Cougars are realrun for the money in the semis. Meanwhile, the other semifinal should have UCLA and Oregon matching up. Which could mean trouble for the Bruins. This was a real head scratcher. We feel either UCLA or Washington State will be upset in the semis, the other will be the champ. We think it'sstill the Bruins Tourney to lose, and we don't feel they will, lose, that is. It's the Bruins who will win it.

THE O'REILLY AUTO PARTS SOUTHLAND CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT
Texas A&M- Corpus Christi Islanders are the regular season champs, but for smoe reason we like Ryan Bright and the Bearkats of Sam Houston State. ow sure, the Kats lost by 17 in their last meeting with the Islanders, but there's something about the Bearkats that makes us think they have a good run in 'em. Buut if you're betting take the Islanders.

ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
Unfortuantely we feel Duke will make a run in this tournament. Don't worry, because since we're picking them to go far, they'll probably lose in the first round. But they should take down Virginia in the quarters in the semis and then the Hokies of V-Tech in the semis, before losing to the Terrapins in the final. Yep, the Terps are hot, and we like them to make a run right over the Tar Heel of North Carolina and the Dukies. Don't expect much from the Eagles of Boston College or the Hokies either. We like the Terps in this one, slow and steady wins the race.

THE BIG TEN BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT
You want an upset special? How 'bout the Spartans of Michigan State? They beat Wisconsin once, and almost twice and now the Badgers are without leading rebounder Brian Butch. So look for Drew Neitzel to carry the Spartans to the final against the Buckeyes. But that's where "Greg Oden's Raven!" and OSU will take the title. We're not fans of the Buckeyes or the Big Ten, but we do like Thad Matta,and the fact he adheres to the 5-second rule.

THE PHILLIPS 66 BIG XII BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT
Don't look for any big upsets in this one, but watch out for the Red Raiders of Texas Tech.bobby Knight's squad is 4-2 against the rest of the top 5 in the conference. Meanwhile, don't look for Kansas State to make a run, as they were 1-4 against the top of the conference. We like Texas A&M and Kansas to reach the finals with the Aggies winning the whole enchilada.

THE SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT
There are a lot of inconsistent teams here. Florida is the favorite but has struggled a bit lately. We think the Razorbacks of Arkansas will upset the Commodores of Vanderbilt in the quarters, while Tennessee willonce again knock off the Gators. Mississippi State's side of the bracket seems kind of weakand a result Ihave them against the Volunteers in the final. In that game, we'll take the Volunteers of Tennessee to take the title.

Well, there ya have it, we've now made predictions for each and every conference tournament, and man are we exhausted.