TUESDAYS WITH MAURY

Well, first thing's first thing. We are in no way trying to infringe upon or steal anyone's creative ideas. I know a lot of people may think that we got this idea from the Veep, but this little gem has been a work in progress here at "Bitterness" for quite some time. If you don't belive me go ahead and ask this guy. Okay, so maybe you don't care what he thinks, but you can care about what he knows, that's for damned sure! So we encourage you to continue to regularly read "Tuesdays with Marty" and rest assured that we are in no way trying to compete with the Veep in any way, shape or form. We are just here to delight you, the reader. But that's enough rig-em-a-roll, on with the show. We now present to you "Tuesdays with Maury", and hopefully you won't think it's for the birds.




Thank you Maury,and everybody have fun tonight, Maury have Chung tonight.

And The Winner Is...

Ah yes, it is that time of year once again, where we here at "Bitterness" look to honor the film industry in all of it's glory. Yes the Academy Awards are but days away, but the The Police Academy Awards are here now for your viewing pleasure! A tribute to one of the great film series' of our time! So without further ado, we give to you our seven readers, the second semi-annual Police Academy Awards. So, on with the show!


Best Actor/ Actress in a Supporting Role:

















Lance Kinsey as " Lt. Proctor"- Police Academy 2-6
Kim Cattral - Police Academy
Tim Kazurinsky as "Carl Sweetchuk"- Police Academy 2-4
David Spade- Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol
Bobcat Goldthwait as "Zed"- Police Academy 2-4

And the winner is (bahm, bahm, bahm, bahhhhhhh!): Tim Kazurinsky as "Sweetchuk"

Best Actor in a Captain or Commandant Role:




















Art Metrano as "Comndt. Mauser"-Police Academy 3: Back in Training
G.W. Bailey as "Capt. Harris"- Police Academy 4-7
George Gaynes as "Comndt Eric Lassard"- Every Police Academy
Howard Hesseman as "Capt. Pete Lassard"-Police Academy 2: Their Fisrt Assignment


And the cop goes to the incomparable, the irreverent, the punky, the one and only George Gaynes as Cmndt. Eric Lassard

Best Actress in an officer role:






































Leslie Easterbrook as "Callahan"- Every Police Academy except Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment
Colleen Camp as "Mrs. Kirkland-Tackleberry"- Police Academy 2 and 4
Marion Ramsey as "Laverne Hooks"- Every Police Academy except for Mission to Moscow

And the COP winner is Marion Ramsey as "Laverne Hooks"

Best Actor in an officer role:





















Steve Guttenburg as "Carey Mahoney"- Police Academy 1-4
David Graf as "Tackleberry"- Every single Police Academy
Bubba Smith as "Moses Hightower"- Every Police Academy except for Mission to Moscow
Michael Winslow as "Larvell Jones"-Every Police Academy including the TV Series.


And the winner is, as if you didn't know, Steve Guttenburg as "Carey Mahoney"

Best Film:












Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment
Police Academy
Police Academy 3: Back in Training
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol


And the COP goes to..............Police Academy 3: Back in Training!!


Lifetime Achievement Award:
This of course goes to the quintessential Police Academy Cadet. The man that of course changed America's, possibly the world's, perception of police academies and officers, while along the way teaching us all a little bit about ourselves. This award goes to someone who knows how to make a quick bait and switch with a captain's shampoo, the results of which would equal, in one word, "hilarity." Handsome. Witty. Charming. As "Carey Mahoney" Steve Guttenburg both entertained and educated. Woman want him and men want to be him. So without further ado, this years Lifetime Achievement COP goes to the legend that is Steve Guttenburg!

BACK IN BLACK

That's right folks it's Bud Black History Month here at "Bitterness"! A month to honor one of the great pitchers of our time. Now sure we have not done a lot with the first few weeks of Bud Black History Month, and for that we apologize. But we will look to rectify that right now!

Born Harry Ralston (hard to see why he went with a nickname, huh? Although HR Black would've been cool. He could've been H&R Black, even?), Black quickly went with "Bud" when many people would forget his real name. Other possible nicknames on the short list were "Pal", "Chum" and "Sport", but in the end it was "Bud" that won out. Black was born to Canadian parents in Southern California in the summer of 1957. Now we are not sure, but we believe his dad packed up and headed south of the border (the Canadian one that is) to avoid being drafted into the Royal Canadian Mounted Police right in the midst of the Canadian Civil War, shortly after the Battle of Manitoba. Of course Black would go on to do great things in the world of professional baseball, including, as I'm sure we all know, leading the American League in WHIP in 1984 and being the only starter with a losing record on the 1985 World Champion Kansas City Royals. And yes younguns, the Royals were actually good at one time. And speaking of time, we're all out of it. Thank you for joining us for yet another edition of Bud Black History Month. In the next edition of Bud Black History Month, Bud goes through puberty and works on a pretty killer mustache!

Happy Valentine's Day

MAIL TIME!

Alright kids, time to open up another mailbag. Lots to get to, but first and foremost, despite his most recent post, we'd like to wish our good pal billyball a Happy 30-something (not 9!) Birthday! May the Pacifico flow like wine! And now on to the bag!

SUPER BOWL:
Osi U. of New York, NJ asks, "Is it time now to give the Giants some love and respect? The punched the Pats right in their mouth and shocked the world! Give some props!"

Props? What am I Carrot Top? Who by the way is the buffest comedian in all the land. Okay, I will give it to the G-Men they did outplay the Patriots and shock me, and several others I'm sure. I'm still not sold on them or Eli though. I am happy for Syracuse alums David Tyree and Tom Coughlin . More Tyree than Coughlin though. Tyree has inserted himself into Super Bowl lore as part of a just ridonkulous play that really won the game for the Giants in my opinion. And true story, Tom Coughlin, played football at Syracuse University alongside my high school football coach. Now you know.

William S. of Syracuse, NY queries, "What happened to the Patriots out there? How does the best team and quarterback of all time, lose? Weren't they the best of all-time?! Hmmm, hmmm?"

Well, what they did, and I've found it the easiest way to lose, is to score less points than the other team. Works every time. No, but seriously, what happened is the Giants had a game plan and shoved it right down the Patriots' throats. But the odd thing was Beli-cheat uncharacteristically did not seem to adjust during the game. And what was with going for it on 4th and 13? C'mon! Really when it comes down to it, the Pats went old school for us longtime fans. Back to a time when a true Boston (and yes I realize the Pats don't play in Boston, but believe it or not, Boston is in New England) fan would be nervous throughout and have no doubt that their squad would blow it, more than likely, in heartbraking fashion (see Red Sox of '67, '76, '78, '86, and '03). It's good for some Boston "fans" though, because it stands to maybe, just maybe, take 'em down a peg and lower that false sense of superiority, if at least for a couple weeks. How 'bout them Celtics?!

Bud W of St. Luois, MO wants to know, "The game was good, I suppose, but how about them commercials? I personally was a bit disappointed. Did you have any favorites?"

Couldn't agree more. And I won't. I'll agree just the same. It seems to me that every year the advertisements that air during the big game get worse and worse. I mean there are still some funny ones out there, be they seem to appear less than the good old days. Even Anheuser-Busch, which has virtually unbearable product, but unlimited commercial funds, seemed not up to snuff. Like I said there were a few winners, like the screaming animals (that's always gold) and the Matt Hasselback, "That's when I knew I hadn't made it". The one with JT (Justin Timberlake for those who are confused) was alright. I didn't quite get it, but blows to a man's crotch are always good for a few laughs, especially if he used to be in a boy band, am I right? I did like the Barkley Fav Five ad and also the Planters ad where the homely woman used Planters peanuts as a perfume. Also the giant carrier pigeons were alright I suppose.

SUPER TUESDAY
Barack O. of the DC area inquires, "Did you vote and if so for who? Or are you one of those people who doesn't want anyone to know who they voted for?"

Well, I, of course, voted for Ralph Nader. I, for one, think he is overdue. I'm just kidding, I didn't vote. Alright, alright, settle down and let me explain, before you go all America on my ass. I didn't vote, because as you know, "Bitterness" recently moved and as a result was caught in a tough spot of not being able to get a New York absentee ballot, nor register in the Commonwealth. So there! But it seems that Ralphie did just fine without me. Actually I probably would've gone McCain because he speaks to the conservative nature of this blog. But as long as you brought it up, I don't understand why people are so afraid to tell others who they voted for. I mean, do you not stand by your candidate? What are you embarassed?! You hang your head high and tell the world when you vote for Dennis Kucinich! If anyone can make the moon the 51st state it's him!

SUPER ENTERTAINMENT:
I know you're not big on the Grammy's, but what about the Oscars? Have you even seen any nominated films?

Have I seen any nominated films? Hmm, that depends, was Wild Hogs nominated for anything? I do not get out to the movies as much as I used to, but have managed to see two of the five films nominated for best picture. I saw Michael Clayton and No Country For Old Men and enjoyed both. Out of those two I would pick No Country as the better film though. But what do I know, I'm still waiting for someone to drop Gung Ho special edition DVD on us. Although, I would almost guarantee Juno won't win Best Picture. I do want to see this and am sure it is awesome, but it feels a bit like this year's Little Miss Sunshine. Good, but without enough firepower to win the chocolate filled statue. Okay, one more Oscar related note: If I were Cate Blanchett, well, I'd be rich and famous for one. Oh, but besides that, I'd be like, "Hey let's just shoot enough for like eight Elizabeth movies and release one each year." That's like a guaranteed eight straight nominations right there! Am I right?

Byron B. from Newport Beach, CA has this, "Once again, the rumors of an Arrested Development movie are floating around, what are the odds of this happening and is it a good idea?"

No, it's not a good idea. It's a great idea! Mitch Hurwitz is awesome, Less than Perfect notwithstanding. I mean aside from Arrested, he also wrote for the Golden Girls, Empty Nest and Nurses. C'mon he's written for all the greats, Rue McClanaghan, Richard Dreyfus, David "Stop calling me Joe Isuzu" Leisure! The list goes on. I know, I know the fear is there's a chance this will ruin the original product. After all they pulled a Costanza and went out on a high note. At least with fans of the show that is. But there are those who feel the only way to go is down. But I say, it'll give us AD deprived fans some life again. Plus when the droves of hard core fans show up to see it, Fox will see how stupid it really is and probably begin production on Are You Smarter than a Redneck" the Movie. And I, for one, can't wait.

HOOPS AND HOCKEY:

Tony A. of Hingham, MA offers this up, "Has the move to Boston gotten any sort of hockey fever going inside you? The Bruins are playing pretty decent and the Beanpot has been in full swing, will we see any sort of hockey posts in the near future?

The Beanpot is exciting, I think. But I haven't paid much attention to it. I do know the final is possibly on Monday night? As far as the Bruins go, I have caught a few snippits here and there and am more interested in the NHL than I have been in the last ten years, probably. That's not saying a whole heck of a lot though. I may even watch their All-Star game. What? Oh, it already happened? Eh, oh well. Now just to be clear, I am no fair weather fan when it comes to anything. I just don't really follow that much hockey, but the Bruns always have been and always will be my squad in the NHL. Followed a close second by the Blackhawks and then, of course, by the Whalers and the Winnipeg Jets.

Richard V. of Clichetown, CT inquires, "When are we gonna get the March Madness stuff, baby?!"

Probably in March? You probably mean when am I gonna post about the NCAA Hoops scene? Well, it is in the offing, I think. As I am not 100% sure what, "in the offing" means? But I am looking to dive into the college hoops scene very soon. But hey, you know this is my busy time of year, cut me some slack! What if I helped ease your pain by letting you know, this year we are introducing the very first "Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch Final Fork"? Intrigued? Good!

That about wraps the bag up for this week, but I'd like to end on sort of a somber note. This past week, my grandmother passed away. Now, truth be told, we really lost her a few years ago. You see old age wreaked some major havoc on her mind and she was unable to recognize or remember those she loved. This is not going to be a big long eugoogliy or anything, I just thought I'd share two quick stories.

You see my grandmother loved baseball, especially the Red Sox, and I still remember watching games with her all the time. Whether it was on her 13 inch black and white or at my house on the big color tv. You see, she would come and stay with me when my parents were away at conferences and conventions, when I was little. We watched many a Red Sox game together, but there is one that will always stick out in my mind. I was probably nine or ten at the time, and my parents were away, so my grandma was watching me, and the Sox. Now the specifics of the game are a little blurry. But I seem to recall the game being against the Angels on a Friday night. In this particular game the Red Sox balked in the winning run. Grandma and I looked at each other quizzically. Neither of us was entirely sure what, exactly, a balk was. Sure they showed replays and tried to explain, but for a little scamp and his grandmother, it was still hard to understand. So we went to sleep, not fully grasping how the Red Sox had managed to lose the game. Well, first thing in the morning, my grandma was on the horn (pre-internets) to my Uncle David, inquiring about this "balk" thing, knowing her grandson was deseparate for answers. Well Uncle David was not much mroe informed than the two of us, so we had to wait for my dad to return with the answers we were seeking. Now, to this day, I still can't really spot a balk, but every time I see one called I think of my grandma and that particular game, many years ago.

Okay the second story is not quite as long, but is much more chilling and absolutely true. I was informed of my grandmother's passing on Monday night. Tuesday I headed off to work at my retail job. I happened to be helping this mother and her daughters. After a bit of helping, I find out the two daughters' names are Emma and Paige. The hairs on my neck proceeded to stand on end. My late grandmother's name is Emma Paige. If I weren't right there, I wouldn't have believed it myself.

This post is dedicated to Emma Paige, 1921-2008

SOUP-ER BOWL TOO

Ah yes, you've waited all year, but it is finally upon us. Now, the inaugural Souper Bowl featured foods from only the Super Bowl combatants, but not this year. You see after much deliberation, consternation and other big words ending in "-ation" we have decided to reformat. Why, you may ask? Well many may think it's because the odds of the same teams popping up in the big enchilada year after year or at least pretty close together are high. While we did consider this, that was not our main reason. You see we are just bursting with some great menu items, but the problem is, some players and teams may never reach the big game, and it's not fair to you, my viewing public, that these delicious treats just stay locked away in the "Bitterness" vaults, would it now? No it would not! So slap on your, bib grab some sporks and dig in as we see what's on this year's menu:

APPETIZERS:
CLARENCE KAY-SADILLA: A quesadilla as tough as the former tight end, this bad boy has three cheeses with steak, chicken or bronco! Just kidding about the bronc, sorry.

TUPA-TATO SKINS: One potato, tupa-tato, three potato, more! In honor of the player to score the first ever two-point conversion in the NFL, we've got hot potato skins, smothered in cheese and bacon. And then topped with a heaping helping of sour cream.

JALAPENO PAUP-ERS: As spicy as Bryce himself, these bad boys will have you on the hunt for agua! It's fried hotness, what could be better?

METZELAARS-ELLA STIX: There was nothing cheesy about good ol' Pete's play, but his mozz stix are a whole 'nother story. If you like fried cheese, then you are in for a treat. Served with marv-inara sauce, these bad boys sure fit the....bill.

CHILI CON JOHN CARNEY: Well here's a starter with some kick! Carney may have been a Saint, but this chili is so darn hot,you'll think you're in a place a bit south of sainthood. That's right, Jacksonville!

ADRIAN KLEMM CHOWDER: Not a lot of folks are familiar with Adrian's work on the field, but you'll be looking to "raid-er" the kitchen to get a cup or a bowl of this wonderful chowdah!

JUMBO-LAYA ELLIOT: Only get the bowl if your man enough! This is served in a regulation- sized replica Jumbo Elliot helmet, so be ready. And if you get an actual gain worn helmet with extra sweat, you get free Samare-rolls for your entire party!

SANDWICHES AND BURGERS:
THE KARL MECKLENBURG-ER: Big, gritty, yet delightful. Are we describing the burger or Karl? Who's to say? This Bronco burger is topped with everything, and I mean everything. Go ahead name something. On it! Something else? On it! Okay, no, there are no fruits, you got us.

AL TOON-A MELT: The most graceful and elegant tuna, this side of Bill Parcells. If you think you don't like tuna melts, coool your jets and try it! Then you'll be singing a different.....toon.

TUNA SALD SUB-MARINO SANDWICH: If you don't like it, ask for the chef and he will play homage to Danny boy and blame the waiters, waitresses, busboys, bartenders, coatcheck girls, valets and of course you! And don't worry we only use dolphin safe tuna.

MATT BAHR-BQ PORK SANDWICH: This one is right through the uprights! About as consistent as they come, we don't shank this one, and it goes great with a brew from our cross-bar?

MATT TURK-EY BURGER: This is for those trying to watch what they eat and not willing to go for it on fourth down. So pick up a punt of beer to enjoy along side this light and delicious fare. Fell free to add cheese, if you don't feel like enough of a man to order it plain.

PEPPER "STEAK" JOHNSON: packed with steak, smothered in cheese, topped with grilled onions and peppers, this one is certainly a giant. You'd better use two hands or you'll be wearing this one on your jersey.

JERRY "MEAT" BALL: I'm sure Jerry could down several of these in one sittings (On account of him being so large), but you might wanna stick to just one, as even that will take you the lion's share of the work.

ENTREES:

PASTAS FETTUCCINI ALZADO: This creation is not ours, but is too good to not be in here. We thank the genius of the VP for loning is creative juices to this one. Um. okay that sounded nasty. No one, whatsoever, put any sort of juices in here, except from their mind. Nope, just good ol' fashioned fettuccini, topped in a creamy sauce.

LYNN-GUINI IN CLAM SAUCE: You may not go as far as to call this dish, immaculate, but catch it you must! This dish is served with a Swann's grace and you'd better keep an eye on your plate, as someone may try and "steel" a bite.

RA-VAI-OLI SIKAHEMA: As cagy as the kick returner himself, you won't need eagle eyes to spot this one comin! The cards are stacked in your favor when your order this bad boy.

PASTA PRIMA VERIS: RV has to be proud to have his name on this dish, although not the most patriot-ic fare available.

MEAT
ANDRE RIB TIP-PETS: Nothing says American patriot like rib tips, am I right? Smothered in delicious tangy barbecue sauce and marv cook-ed to perfection. They are lip-smacking, finger licking good.

DON BEEBE BACK RIBS: Don't like the tips, would rather don a bib, and tear the meat from the bone? Well, be our guest! We use a hint of apple from our favorite orchard park to make this unique Beebe-Q sauce, so enjoy!

BARBER-CUED CHICKEN: A sizable chicken breast slow cooked over tiki torches and slathered up with a giant helping of our special barber-cue sauce. Absolutely delectable!

PHIL-ET MIGNON: This key to this dish is efficiency. Nothing exciting, just simple down to earth, get the job done, steak. Enough said. Its as Simms-ple as that!

PRIME "TIME" RIB: This is a flashy dish, where we'll be honest the presentation makes it seem like it's a lot better than it is.

BOBBY HEBERT BATTERED CHICKEN: Chicken +Beer= Goodness! That's right math majors, this has meat and beer in the same dish, not that this should dissuade you from ordering a drink with it, but sorry we're all out of our fermented chicken drink.

BARRY S-WORD-FISH: Ah, the catch of the day for you lovers of seafood. This is grilled to perfection and will make your mouth water. It can be a chief ingredient to making your meal a-oh-koye!

DESSERTS:

"E-LI"ME PIE: A very subtle dessert, with not too much going on personality or presentation wise. But it is a giant sweet, that is at least better than a turnover.

RAYBERRY PIE: Only the finest rayberries are used to create this homemade masterpiece.

CLEVELAND BROWN-IE: The big dawg of the desserts, this is made for sharing, cause you can't handle it on your own!

HOT FUDGE SUN-DAYNE: A big five-scooper, topped with hot fudge, whipped cream, nuts and a deron cherry on top. Be ready for this one, cause it'd dayne-gerous!

MISSISSIPPI RUDD PIE: Down and dirty just like it's namesake, this is not for the small of stomach!

Well that concludes Soup-er Bowl Too, eat up kids!

THE PICK

We are less than 24 hours away from the Super Bowl pregame show, so it's time for us to breakdown the big game as only we, and I guess maybe Nick Bakay, can. But first we want to wish a Happy Birthday to our beloved Uncle Jitter. We used the name for this post from a classic Seinfeld episode as a present to him! Now on with the show:

TEAM COLORS:

PATRIOTS: Red, white and navy blue, with a hint of silver.

GIANTS: Red, white and blue.

ADVANTAGE: New England

OWNERS:

GIANTS: John Mara and Steve Tisch. Interesteingly enough, both owners attended school in the Boston area at some point. Mara's boring, but Tisch is responsible for Risky Business, the movie. That's right ladies, Tom Cruise in his underwear, brought to you courtesy of Steve Tisch.

PATRIOTS: Robert Kraft. Now those stupid blue dress shirts with the white collars aside, who doesn't love Kraft? I mean they are all about cheesiness for crying out loud! Now sure Wegman's Mac 'n' Cheese is pretty close and a whole heck of a lot cheaper, but, if I have the means, I'm probably going Kraft. They're my number one individually wrapped cheese slice and I will fight anyone who says different. (Note: We here at "Bitterness" do not condone violence and will not fight you over cheese, at least without a few beers in us.)

ADVANTAGE: Hmmm, cheese versus Tom Cruise in his underwear? Well Tom Cruise in his underwear is not nearly as good on a sandwich or pasta, so we're giving the nod to New England.

BREWS:

This one is already done for us! Check it out. Thanks Norm!

Advantage: New England

FAME:

GIANTS: Famous Giants, let's see there's that giant the lived up the beanstalk, Iron Giant of course, Barry Bonds, and obviously Gheorge Muresan.

PATRIOTS: Um, well, there's the Adams' (Sam, John, John Quincy), Paul Revere, George Washington, Mistah Benjamin Franklin, and many others.

Advantage: Without Gheorghe "Smells like cabbage" Muresan, this would have been another easy win for New England, but with #77 (also Raymond Bourque's number) on the list we're calling it a push.

STADIUM SCANDAL?:

GIANTS: I'm sure most of you are well aware of the rumors that gangster Jimmy Hoffa is in fact buried under a Giants Stadium end zone. Although this is merely a myth that has supposedly been dispatched, it is the most auspicious thing going in the Meadowlands, other than Jason Kidd.

PATRIOTS: Gotta go back a ways, 1990, to be exact, for the whole Lisa Olson harassment scandal, but it's worth it. She of course was a female reporter who was "mind raped" by the Patriots when doing interviews in the locker room. Apparently women do not like it when men walk by them naked and fondle their genitals, who knew? Best quote from the ordeal, from then owner Victor Kiam, "she's a classic bitch", Class act all the way.

ADVANTAGE: New England

MOVIE:

GIANTS: My Giant. Yes this was the big screen debut for Gheorge Muresan and he made the most of it. I don't have the official numbers here, but I beleive this was nominated for like 7 Oscars. Oh wait, that's Razzies. Oops! This was the first, and unfortunately the last, film for big Gheorghe. We really thought his career would take off, oh well.

PATRIOTS: The Patriot starring Mel "zeltov" Gibson and the recently departed Heath Ledger. Colonies versus the Red Coats in an epic struggle for freedom in the days of yore. Don't worry I won't give away the ending and tell you which side won.

ADVANTAGE: New England

I think it's pretty clear to see from this in-depth analysis, why the Patriots will triumph by a score of 37-11.

Enjoy the game and go commercials!

ANOTHER STUPOR BOWL

Well, well, well, the big game is almost upon us and while there are people that are excited, quite a few others, lets call them Buffalo, could care less about the combatants or the outcome of this game. In fact, they would probably not be opposed to Arizona Stadium, or whatever it's called, imploding as everyone looked on. So this blog is dedicated to those folks. Now, I'm not saying if you do care about this game this post won't be relevant, just that the folks who don't care may need it more. So without further adieu, it's the Super Bowl drinking game! That's right here are several themes or ideas to get you well on your way to passing out by halftime (you may want to start a bit later than kickoff if you wanna catch Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers).

THE RIVALRY?
Have you noticed how the various "media" outlets are trying to really work up the Boston-New York rivalry angle? This is not Yankees-Red Sox folks. Speaking as a lifelong Pats fan, I can attest that I am more indifferent to New York football teams than anything. I mean I don't care for either, but it's not like the kind of loathing I reserve for the Yanks. Plus, although they represent those cities, neither team actually plays in Boston or New York, so hang your hat on that! So every time the "talent" tries to play up this foolishness go ahead and take a drink. And go ahead and take an extra swig if they use a graphic.

DAS BOOT!
Another good one will be to go ahead and drink every time Brady's ankle "injury" is brought up. Finish your beer if they show that fun shot of him walking, hooded, in NYC, with flowers. The severity of Tommy's injury remains a mystery and I'm sure it'll be talked about as much as possible by the"talking heads". That means the announcers, not the wacky 80s band. It's a full beer if they flash the Web MD thing for it, so be ready. Also why not go ahead and apply this to Tommy's soar shoulder as well, except double the drink and double the pain! And if they make a connection to Schilling's bloody sock somehow, well, just drink and drink.

MOUTHIN' OFF
Of course no Super Bowl would be complete without idiots running their mouths off. Now before everyone jumps down "Bitterness"'proverbial throat here, let me just say, we are not saying that we think that Plaxiglass and Osi U-Menorah are idiots because they lied or anything. No, no, it's just not smart to bring it up is all. You see, cause we are not down on the field, we can neither confirm nor deny these allegations made by the G-Men. However, we would probably lean in their favor as Belichik does often instill cheap and dirty style of football, and this would not surprise us, or the rest of the football loving world, in the least. We can confirm however that Plaxiglass is a dirty player. Yes, it's true, he does not have good hygiene. Also if tensions run high and there's "extracurricular activities" after a play involving the Light-Umenyiora or Burress-Harrison dynamic than get chugging kids. So be on the lookout for a late hit by Hot Rod and why not throw in a few swigs everytime they mention Paxiglass' projected score.

FLASHBACKS
These two squadrons have been to 8 Super Bowls and have 5 Super Bowl Trophies to show for it, so there are bound to be flashbacks of their previous triumphs and defeats. This is three drinks for every time these are shown. Anytime folks! And if it's a montage of several games spliced together, drink the 3 drinks for every different game that is shown in said flashback montage. Half a beer for every time they flash back to the week 17 skirmish between the two squads as well.

SHOCK-EEEEEEEEEYYYYY!
And of course the Shockey drinking game is always in affect, effect?, ah who cares! Get ready to do some drinking since he 's not gonna suit for this one.

OLDIES BUT GOODIES:
Check out these fun ones from the past that are also usable. And if you need help finding a good brew, I'm sure any of these wonderful chaps wouldn't mind helping you out. (So it's a shameless plug, shoot me.)

Here's to great beer and good commercials!