HAPPY BOXING DAY!

That's right it's that time of year again! when we honor something that we take for granted for 364 days a year or so. Well, here's to boxing up the many, many, many, many things that are boxed. You probably received some things in boxes, as recently as yesterday in fact. Just think of the many things that come in boxes every day: Mr. Pibb, Dr. K, Cuisinarts, fondue pots, cereal, wine, enimas, condoms, appliances, your favorite beer, severed heads like in the movie Seven, clocks, robot parts, books, Cheez-Itz, Ramen, couscous, just to name a few. So if you say a box today, just look at it and say, "Hey, thanks for containg many of the things we use every day." Boxes, we salute you!

Just so there is no confusion, Boxing day is on the 26th of December.

WEEK 16: THIS HOLIDAY DOESN'T BEGIN UNTIL SOMEONE PINS KITNA!

With Festivus practically upon us, "Bitterness" has decided to air some grievances with this weeks picks. I've got a lot of problems with you people! Someone get the pole from the crawl space and let's air some grievances!




CHIEFS @ RAIDERS: NFL Network and Time Warner why won't you get into bed with each other?! It's killing me knowing there are games on tv somewhere that I can't watch! c'mon T-Dub, I'll trade away some channels to get the NFL Network if I have to! I'm sure there are plenty of channels that I don't give a damn about! I know fitTv could probably go. Oh and Comcast don't think you're getting off that easy, why won't you come to town? We'd take ya in a heart beat! Chiefs 28-13

RAVENS @ STEELERS: This grievance goes out to everyone who is too busy annointing Brian Billick the offensive messiah! Yeah, when your defense is so tough, it sets up a short field for the offense, not to mention scores some points on it's own, via the turnover. But, hey, hey, hey! Where you going Jim Fassel?! Is it too complicated to hand off to Jamal Lewis more??? Ball control and clock management should be the name of the game in Baltimore. Ravens 24-0.

PANTHERS @ FALCONS: Panthers, what the fudge?!! You were a trendy Super Bowl pick and you aren't even gonna make the playoffs?!! Steve Smith can't do it all folks!! Panthers 24-23

BEARS @ LIONS: I take issue with anyone thinking about the possibility of the Lions drafting a QB with next spring's high draft pick. Not necessary folks! Do I have to spell it out for ya?! K-I-T-N-A. Bears 17-10.

COLTS @ TEXANS: Ya screwed me Tony Dungy! If Bob Sanders wasn't gonna play two weeks ago, just tell us that! I could have picked up any number of DBs to advance me to my fantasy football semifinals, but nooooooooo! You have to be all sneaky, sneaky. As far as I'm concerned you owe me $20! I will take a post-dated, out of state, third party check. And yes Bill I know that Belichik is the one responsible for all this. Colts 45-14

PATRIOTS @ JAGUARS: Hey Bilichik, get over yourself and stop trying to be so fancy! Sometimes you have to pay people money! Yeah that's right, what happens if the mighty Reche Caldwell goes down, then what? Oh and would it kill ya to where some nice pants? I mean, do you even own a pair of khakis?? It's time to hang up the burlap sack, my friend! Patriots 17-14.

SAINTS @ GIANTS: Another must win for the Eli Manning. Boy he sure has come into his own this year, hasn't he? Giants 16-13

BUCCANEERS @ BROWNS: Hey Gruden, how you gonna bench B-Grad? Your season's already in the pooper, why not let him build momentum into next year. I mean let's face it B-Grad is the "Bitterness" QB of the future, who will ascend to Kitna's throne once he retires. Browns 6-3.

TITANS @ BILLS: This grievance is for both teams. How come you couldn't play like this all year long? As it stands you are still hanging onto playoff life by the smallest of threads. Bills 21-14.

REDSKINS @ RAMS: Redskins, you suck! Rams 28-24.

CARDINALS @ 49ERS: Don't know about you, but I would love to watch this one. Denny Green has gotta be on his way out, right? I mean he hasn't done anything well. And as for the front office, stop drafting offensive firepower and maybe trade down and bulk up the offensive line. It's an old story, but I gotta think that's what they should be looking into. Cardinals 49-45.

BENGALS @ BRONCOS: You can't expect to win after benching Jake the Snake! It's karma, Mike Shanahan, karma. Or maybe it's for all that crazy chop blocking, I dunno? As for the Bengals, they'll make the playoffs if they can stay out of prison! Bengals 20-10.

CHARGERS @ SEAHAWKS: Hey Seahawks, why does your team name have to be so hard to type? When I try and type it fast it turns into, seawhaks! Blah! And also what is the deal with everyone just seeming to be all about Shawne Merriman's return? All of sudden, it's like the steroid thing just didn't happen! That and what is the deal with the spelling of his first name?! Am I right, or am I right? Chargers 35-31.

EAGLES @ COWBOYS: Why am I the only one who realizes that Jeff Garcia is Boggs from Shawshank Redemption? C'mon media, get with the program, life is passing you by! I mean can you tell the difference? Check the picture to your right and see if you can guess which one it is. Cowboys 24-23.

JETS @ DOLPHINS: Seriously?! This is the Monday Nighter? Whoopity-do! Merry Christmas to us! This is how you celebrate the birth of our savior?! Blasphemy! You might as well have a manger scene with Joe Theismann smothering the baby Jesus! Am I right? Okay maybe that was a bit of a stretch, but I just don't like the game, which is actually, probably gonna be a decent game. J-E-T-S 21-14.

Happy Festivus to all, Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch has made a rather sizable donation to the Human Fund in the name of it's loyal readers! Another Festivus miracle!

WEEK 16: A KITNA MIRACLE!

VIKINGS @ GREEN BAY: If you like a battle between two teams who won't make the playoffs, an aging gunslinger with a passion for the game, that you won't be able to watch at home if you don't get the NFL Network, than this is the game for you! Packers win it 23-20.



TO BE CONTINUED.....

WEEK 15: IT'S YOUR WORLD KITNA, REST OF US JUST PAYIN RENT!

Well, week fourteen saw me move further back in the pick standings. Maybe I should pay more attention, I dunno? Well here are the current standing highlighting my futility:

Sports Guy: 103-105
Peter King: 102-106
Bitterness: 93-115

Well as I looked into the old mailbag I noticed that, aside from the usual hate mail, there was quite a bit of mail on a new subject. That subject, to paraphrase, is diversity or really the lack there of. Now, I know what your are thinking, and no, it is not an old wooden ship. It seems that several readers think I need to, in their words, "Break up the honky convention!" You see all my guest bloggers have been caucasian, and it seems that this has offended several of my African-American readers. So I thought it would be great to let one of those mailers be this week's guest blogger. Sounds great, right! So the lucky guest blogger is none other than a man who not only is mad about the lack of diversity, but also about last week's guest blogger, Chet Harper. Now he has a pretty hectic schedule so, we're pleased that he could take the time to help us out. So here he is, this week's guest blogger, Stuart Scott (not pictured to your right).

49ERS @ SEAHAWKS: Yo, the Hawks be trippin, after last week's loss to the Cards, but Shaun Alexander shines in primetime, so look for him to be as cool as the other side of the pillow and get his mojo workin in a big game. Hawks representin' at Qwest Field on Thursday night 27-20

COWBOYS @ FALCONS: I like the way Mike Vick works it, no diggity, no doubt! But the Big Tuna gotsta be upset over being pimp slapped at home, on national tv, Sunday Night! DESPERADO! Can the 'Boys 'D' put the bippity-boppity-BOO-YAH on the dirty birds?! You better recognize, 'Boys win it 31-14.

BROWNS @ RAVENS: Ray Lewis is fat, with a "ph" yo! The kid's like buttah! Look for the Ravens 'D' to get their schwerve on in this one. Ray Lew's happy cuz the 'Vens be goin sizzlah, then right on into the playoffs! Quote the Raven, "BOO-YAH! Baltimore 21-10.

DOLPHINS @ BILLS: Jason Taylor's not a playa, he just tends to crush a lot. Both these squads looking to play spoiler down the stretch. But wait! the fat lady ain't singin just yet, as the winner in this one clings to playoff life by the tiniest of threads. You could call either of these teams butta, because they've been on a roll of late. Bills have one four of six with two "L's" coming in close ones to the Colts and SuperChargers, while the 'Phins have one five of six, including last week's shutdown of New England. Can I getsa witness from the congregation! Little old lady at the Wendy's drive-thru sayin, "I see the beef, where's the BOO-YAH!" It's right here granny, Bills win in arcaic conditions (that's right it's gonna be cold!) 14-13.

STEELERS @ PANTHERS: Yo, check it, the Panthers playoff life is on life support and the Steelers look to be servin Steve Smith and company another setback. Shut yo mouth! Just talkin' 'bout Smith. Steve Smith, can ya dig it? He's the king of BYAC y'all, BOO-YAHds after the catch! Panthers pull out a win 7-6.

BUCCANEERS @ BEARS: The Bucs offense is whack! And up against the Bears, it'll look even whack-ier. But don't hate the playa, hate the game y'all! Bears 'D' doin it and doin it and doin it well, homebodies! Looks like the Bucs are headed into the bears den with a picnic basket and they ain't gotst Yogi or Boo- BOO-YAH! Bears 31-10.

LIONS @ PACKERS: This game's full of sound and fury, signifying nothing! Or maybe it's Furrey, as in Mark Furrey of the Lions. Kid's got mad skillz, break him off sumpin propah! Can old man Favre still get jiggy with it? This one'll be a good old fashioned shootout, you bring the Kool-Aid, I'll bring the BOO-YAH! Packers 42-35.

JETS @ VIKINGS: Ain't no thang but chicken wing, just two teams trying to keep their playoff hopes alive. Like gravy on a biscuit, it's all good! The Jets got played last week and Vikes are lookin to playa hate this week! But C-Penn, well, homey don't play dat! Jets get a BOO-YAH-tiful win 21-20.

TEXANS @ PATRIOTS: Pats need to right the ship and get things in order. Enter the Texans, a perfect way for Tom Brady to get his groove back. Texans best watch those New England fans, cuz they bleed red, white and BLUE-YAH! Pats cinch up the AFC East 35-7.

REDSKINS @ SAINTS: Drew Brees ain't done nothin' but lead the Saints to 9-4 start while throwin for over 400o yards. Miami didn't want him? Things that make you go hmmmmmm? Saints can wrap up the NFC South with a win here as an early Kwanzaa treat. Raise the roof y'all! Saints headed to the playoffs, where Reggie Bush, best know that it's BYOB, bring your own BOO-YAH! Saints 37-24.

JAGUARS @ TITANS: Jags done ripped up on the Colts in Week 14, yup, yup! In Tennessee, it's bin all biscuits and gravy since VY took over, though. Kid's bin as smooth as silk. This could be as hardcore as the Wu-Tang Clan on steroids! Jags and Titans 'bout to get wicked, let me clear my throat! Titans take 17-14.

BRONCOS @ CARDINALS: Jay Cutler, Matt Leinart. The younguns ready to lock horns. Cutler ain't looked as comfy as Leinart, who has straight been gettin his freak on, as of late. But the Broncs about to properly welcome Matty to the NFL, and get some air time on Jacked UP! My prediction.....pain. Broncos straight-up bust the rookie from USC, whoomp there it is! Broncos do the BOO-YAHd work and take it 17-6.

EAGLES @ GIANTS: If the playoffs started right this second, homeboys be in, but the playoffs don't start in December! The Eagles tryin to ride Jeff Garcia to the promised land. I ain't sayin nothing, but that ain't right. I'm bustin open some white meat! Gonna move some furniture. Iggles makin their kinfolk proud 24-23

RAMS @ RAIDERS: Marc Bulger killin Oakland softly, with his arm. Say what, say what? Dynamite, dynamite, clef I got the cash! Rams rebound and win one in the black hole 38-21.

CHIEFS @ CHARGERS: I said a hip, hop, the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you don't stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie, say up jumped the boogie, to the rythym of the boogie, BOO-YAH! LT's straight up money in the bank! Bolts rock the party that rocks the body 21-17.

BENGALS @ COLTS: Welcome to the terror dome. Carson heads into Peyton's place looking to keep his cats on the up and up, but groove is in the heart and the kid's still got some things to learn. Marvin Harrison's livin la vida BOO-YAH as the Colts win this shootout 42-38.
That's all ize got, you ain't gotta go home, but ya can't stay here! PEACE!

WEEK 14: IF IT AIN'T KITNA, IT'S CRAP!

As the NFC Wild Card race gets harder to predict than the weather in New England, I am slowly slipping put of the picks race. Yes I lost yet another game to the Sports Guy and the Monday morning QB. So here are your standings:

MMQB: 93-99
Sports Guy: 91-101
Bitterness: 86-106

Yes it's looking pretty grim, but it ain't over until Roseanne sings! Well it's week fourteen and I've gotta a special treat for you, the reader. What with it being the holiday season, we here at "Bitterness" are all about giving, so we are taking an ESPN Sportscenter cast-off and giving him a second chance. You may have caught his brief stint on Sportscenter alongside Stuart Scott. But he was sent packing by the Boo-Ya-hoo! Well now he has a forum, so here he is, Mr. Chet Harper!

Thank you Will-da-beast! Week Fourteen in the NFL is quite the sticky wicket. Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie, shave your genitals and enjoy the show!

BROWNS @ STEELERS: Mickey-D's may be open 24-7, but no McMuffins before 5am, so if you ain't here for a quarter pounder, pack it up hobos! Steeler's look to put the bippity-bopitty BOOM on Charlie Frye and the Brownies. So step away from the monkey and put your pants back on! Browns 21-20

PATRIOTS @ DOLPHINS: Sweet sassy, molassey! This'll be a dog fight in the AFC East and lookout because Jason Taylor's got something stuck in his craw and no one's got a toothpick! Tom Brady's poised to defend Air Supply's greatest hits. Praise Jesus and pass the pancakes! Patriots 14-10.

RAIDERS @ BENGALS: You can lead the Raiders to Cincy, but you can't make an award-winning meatloaf! But in Cincy all your base are belong to Ocho Cinco. Rub- a-dub-dub! Bengals 31-17.

EAGLES @ REDSKINS: Banana nut muffins are good, but Great Aunt Ethel makes it tight in the pants! Ledell Betts is all, "come and knock on my door", but Jeremiah Trotter can go from zero to cuckoo for cocoa puffs in 4.2 seconds flat! Eagles 24-17.

SAINTS @ COWBOYS: Tony Romo has looked good so far, but Joe Horn says, " Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn!" What can I say, sometimes you miss the sneeze guard? But this ain't a oriental massage parlor and Terrell Owens'll spike it in your pooper if you aren't careful! Cowboys 27-21

GIANTS @ PANTHERS: A lot of people think the G-Men are done, but I always say, "You gotta get to Whitecastle before the weirdos show up!" Look for Steve Smith to go Happy-go-Jackie on the Giants secondary like a donkey eating a waffle. Get out the checkbook and pay grandma for the rubdown! Panthers 34-28.

VIKINGS @ LIONS: The rythym is gonna getcha, but Brad Johnson knows you can't check more than two items of luggage! The Lions are slightly better than their record indicates, so don't ask Jon Kitna how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop! Lions 9-7.

TITANS @ TEXANS: David Carr says, "Sorry your mom blew up!" Pacman Jones retorts with, "Pork Chop sandwiches?!" But Vince Young sees Drew Bennett and knows he's a dooby! When grampa's whittlin', you better put down the cornbread! Titans 38-34.

COLTS @ JAGUARS: Big game for the Jaguars, as David Garrard says, " Hey I ain't gonna turn and cough for you, you ain't got no PHD!" But Dwight Freeney ain't about to give that silly rabbit any Trix! It's a sick game of double dutch and Reggie Wayne's without his golashes! Colts 17-14.

RAVENS @ CHIEFS: Trent Green says, "I'm not gonna pay alot for this muffler." But Ray Lewis says, "Oh yes you will and the costs will be prooooooo-hibitive!" Both these teams could very well end up in the playoffs and Herm Edwards has permission to sleep over! Chiefs 17-10.

FALCONS @ BUCCANEERS: Warrick Dunn won't do Cat Fancy, and Bruce Gradkowski ain't got a money back guarantee! Mike Vick needs to cage his dirty birds this week in a purdy dawg-gone big match-up for the Falcons. Yep folks the kitchen's closin' and Shelton Quarles is lookin' to do the no pants dance! But Bea Arthur ain't the answer, so fasten your seatbelts! Falcons 25-13.

SEAHAWKS @ CARDINALS: The Cards can only play the spoiler, so expect the mashed potatoes to have lumps! It's full contact pick-up sticks, and fish don't fry in the kitchen! But Shaun Alexander's ain't here for tuttti-fruitti, so protect your testicles! This penis party has got to go! Seahawks 24-16.

PACKERS @ 49ERS: The proof is in the pistachio pudding made with curdled milk and grandma can't resew those buttons, amigo! Brett Favre'll one potato, two potato, three potato- SCORE on the Niners all afternoon, but Mike Nolan don't write post-dated checks! Packers 28-27.

BILLS @ JETS: Eli Whitney! It's another AFC East scrum-diddily-umptious slap fest! But you can't knock over a convenience store without a ski mask. Lee Evans' is bringin three bean casserole to this pot luck, a-coodily-coodily coo! Bills got some fight in em, so look for a close game. Jerricho Cothcery's bringin the Parcheesi, so mother's protect your daughter's berry patch! Jets 23-17.

BRONCOS @ CHARGERS: You gotta contain LT, baby! Lord Sweet pappy johnson with an erection, you have GOTTA contain LT! Broncos will look to avenge their week 11 loss and Jay Cutler's waitin' in line for the crapper and Al Wilson knows the five second rule is in affect! Nobody let's a good Spamburger, hamburger go to waste! Chargers 28-20.

BEARS @ RAMS: Don't go changin' your long-distance provider just yet, as the Rams playoff chance are slip-sliding away and a win here would be helpful. But Brian Urlacher shuts the door and says, "What were you raised on a barn?! Of course you can't make eggs benedict without a good hollandiase!" Rex Grossman's pitchin a tent, so don't look up his skirt! Rams 14-13.


That's it for my look at week 14! This has been Chet Parker, reminding you that tuxedo t-shirts are always a good idea and make sure you're the banker when you play Monopoly.

Thanks Chet, always a delight. For all my loyal readers, this may not be the last you hear from Chet Parker. Let's just say he could be a big part of new happenings here at "Bitterness" in '07. So be on the lookout, cause the big surpise is a mere 25 days away! Let the countdown and the great experiment, begin! Happy cornballing, everyone!

WEEK 13: ONE IF BY LAND, TWO IF BY KITNA

Well an 8-8 week 12 has me mired in third place. Yes both the Sports Guy and Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback, Peter King managed to go 12-4, making me look like a horse's patoot! Anyways here are the current standings:

MMQB: 86-90
Sports Guy: 84-92
Bitterness: 80-96

Well here's thoughts before I introduce this week's guest blogger:

--Remember a short time ago, let's call it last season, when everyone was so impressed that Mike Vanderjagt-ass was the most efficient placekicker of all time, even though he was not nearly as awesome as Al Del Greco"-Roman wrestling"? In ESPN the magazine they had some stats saying how he was just as clutch as Adam Viniatieri. Well now Mike Vanderjagt-ass is out of a job. Yes the Cowboys released him folks! Apparently they want to be more Grammatica-ly correct. Now I'm sure this won't be the last we'll see of Vanderjagt-ass, but it is still so pleasing.

-- Recently Time Warner has had commercials adverstising thta you can watch the NFL on it's cables. When I saw the beginning of this advertisement I thought, perhaps, they were offering the NFL Network. Much to my chagrin, it was mostly highlighting that you get them in HD. Okay Time Warner, I hate to break it to you, but all I need to get the NFL is an antennae. So unless you are offering me either the NFL Network or an HDTV to go with my cable, shut up-a your face!

-- Is there parity in the NFC or do all the teams just suck? I vote for the latter. Must feel good in Green Bay, Washington and Tampa Bay that despite the season long ineptitude that they are still in the playoff hunt. I mean, odds are none of these teams will make the playoffs, but the 'Skins and Pack are just two games out and if the Giants lose against the 'Boys next week, they could conceivably be a game out.

-- College Hoops are under way and I couldn't be happier! Despite some sloppy play, Syracuse is undefeated and Paul Harris has looked awesome! I can't wait until they play the Shockers. It'll be a good early season test. I also like Marquette's chances, watch out for them! and of course there's the rest of the MVC and this could be the final stages of rebuilding for the UMASS Minutemen. It's all wondrous. Drink it in!

Alright so, now, here is a look at Week 13 with a special guest blogger, of course with my picks inserted in. He's an SNL Alum, has had his own show on HBO and was also an announcer for MNF. That's right this week's guest blogger is none other than Dennis Miller! Take it away Dennis:

Thanks Will! The playoffs are closing in like Boris Yeltsin on a bottle of Smirnoff. And the NFC plyoff picture is more open than a 7-11. So here's a look at week 13:

RAVENS @ BENGALS: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary...the Ravens shut down the Bengals offense, despite Chad Johnson rapping, rapping at the end zone door. Quoth the Ravens defense....Nevermore! The Ravens never flitting, still a sitting atop the AFC North. Birds take it 17-7

LIONS @ PATRIOTS: In New England, yes New England, the Lions sleep this week! Unfortunately these Lions won't fare as the lions who would severely maul thieves and peasants at the colosseum. And I can't wait to see Bill Belichik in his burlap sack with a Patriot logo on it. I've seen better clothes on the orphans in Oliver Twist! Pats take it 24-10.

FALCONS @ REDSKINS: The Falcons run more than Pheidippedes. While the Redskins are hoping Mike Vick will feel more like Custer at Little Big Horn, with Jason Campbell leading the charge, as 'Skins fans hope they aren't sitting on a bunch of bull. Meanwhile Campbell's approval rating is already higher than President Bush's in the nation's capital. Skins in the upset win it 17-16.

JAGUARS @ DOLPHINS: With two solid defenses going at, you could see sacking of Visigothic proprtions. Nick Saban's defense so many underlying schemes and patterns it's like a Salvador Dhali work. WhileThe Jags are as up and down as Kirstie Alley's weight. Dolphins win it 17-16.

COWBOYS @ GIANTS: A colossal battle in the NFC East matches to coaches who rule with an iron fist. Giants are coming off a collapse of epic proportions last week at the hands of the Titans. A loss that has Giants fans as troubled as a character in a Tennessee Williams play. But the Cowboys have Terrell Owens who's about as balanced as the federal budget, c'mon. Boys take it 24-23.

CHARGERS @ BILLS: Ladanian Tomlinson's as dangerous as Rosie O'Donnell at an all you can eat Chinese Buffet. Yet the Bills are a feisty bunch. When their defense is on, they are tougher to get through than Gigli. While the tandem of Takeo Spikes and London Fletcher at linebacker is as fierce as a Jewish guy trying to send soup back at a delicatessen. Chargers win 17-13.

VIKINGS @ BEARS: The valkyries are waiting in the wings to drag the Vikings season off to Valhalla, where Odin is lying in wait with roasted boar for everyone. Not a bad consolation prize for these slain warriors, as the Bears do the pillaging and plundering in this one 17-9.

CHIEFS @ BROWNS: Wherefore art thou Romeo Crennel? Or the Browns offense for that matter. It's been as anemic as paris Hilton. While Herm Edwards is looking to lead his team through the rest of the schedule like General Sherman through the Confederate south. But will it end up more like Pickett's charge for Herm? Chiefs take it 27-17.

JETS @ PACKERS: The Packers defense has as many holes in it as an aged Swiss, but plays a little softer than that. Like a fine Brie perhaps. Well rest assured Chad Pennington will bring the Merlot or maybe an elegant Cabernet Sauvignon, for this gathering. Jets win it 35-27.

CARDINALS @ RAMS: The Cardinals have about as much a chance of wnning this matchup as President Bush has of winning on Jeopardy. Meanwhile the Rams offense can be as deadly as a hemlock Fribble, if ya know what I mean. The Rams should drop more big bombs than Truman, come Sunday. Rams win it 31-21.

49ERS @ SAINTS: Everyone has eagerly awaiting this matchup. Bush versus Gore. Although I think most will be less disappointed when Bush wins this battle,as Reggie Bush is unlikely to raise gas prices and enter the country into war. And this Bush actually came to the aid of New Orleans, so? Luckily we won't have to wait for weeks for the actual outcome. You will be able to know that the Saints came marching away with a victory 34-21 right after it happens.

TEXANS @ RAIDERS: If the Raiders lose this one they'll go on to star in the San Bernardino production of Les Mis, starring Warren Sapp as Jean Valjean. Art Shell looks flummoxed, like someone asked him to write a dissertation on the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. On the otherside, you have the Texans who get lucky about as much as Karl Rove at a Blink 182 show. Raiders win it 31-30.

COLTS @ TITANS: In Greek mythology the Titans were greater than even the Gods, but Tennessee is about as powerful as Titan AE's Oscar campaign. A classic David versus Goliath matchup, but Vince Young's slingshot breaks and Goliath prevails this time around. Colts take it 21-14.

BUCCANEERS @ STEELERS: The Tampa Bay offense has been about as effective as the Bay of Pigs invasion. While Cadillac Williams is more like the Delorean of the NFL. Looked good for awhile than just kinda faded away. The Steelers title defense has been about as strong as Reagan's economic policy. Steelers win it 21-17.

SEAHAWKS @ BRONCOS: The Broncos defense is quicker than a Kenyan running from the bulls in Pamplona. While the Seahawks are hoping their offense can click, faster than a gaggle of giggling, boy-crazy, high school cheerleaders. This game could be as epic as the Odyssey, my friends. Broncs buck the 'Hawks in a retro NFC West rivalry 23-17.

PANTHERS @ EAGLES: Steve Smith is like Mikhail Baryshnikov, dancing around defenders after the catch. Not to mention he has the hands of Fred Biletnikoff. Across the way Andy Reid will be looking to devise a defensive scheme so complex, not even Stephen Hawking could grasp it. Panthers win it 27-23.

Thanks, you've been a wonderful audience, don't forget to get that special someone Murder at 1600 on DVD for Christmas!

WEEK 12: THANKS FOR KITNA (AND WALDORF)

Well another week down in the NFL, and I am as confused as ever. Well here are your updated standings with last week's results in parentheses:

MMQB: 74-86 (8-8)
Bitterness: 72-88 (6-10)
The Guy: 72-88 (8-8)

Yes that's right folks after being in the lead from the get go I have finally relinquished the lead, which means it is time for a change. For the first time ever here at "Bitterness" we will have a guest blogger. Now I will still make my picks and my guest blogger has graciously agreed to work them in to his break down of the games. Now our first ever guest blogger is a man who some may say, has lost it. Once brilliant is now just a hack. Well we here at "Bitterness" are willing to allow him a forum to show that he is still as brilliant as ever. So I give you the first ever "Bitterness" guest blogger, drum roll please....drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....Boomer himself, Chris Berman. Take it away Swami!



Thanks Will. Let's take a look at the Thanksgiving weekend in NFL:

DOLPHINS @ LIONS: The Fish entah the Lions den on Thanksgiving Day, but it'll be the fish feasting on the cats at this dinner table. As the Phins look to keep Jon Kitna 'n' Caboodle from finding Mike "the sound and the" Furrey in the endzone with their secondary led by "ring" Yeremiah Bell. Fish squish the cats 23-14

BUCCANEERS @ COWBOYS: The Bucs enter into the Thanksgiving Day tradition in Big D. Can Tony Romo Arrogato Mr. Roboto continue to impress against a staunch Bucs D. And remember that Thanksgiving is a time to set aside your Shelton "Petty" Quarles and don't be Barrett Ruud at the dinner table, use your manners! And be nice to your Ryan Nece and other relatives. But it'll be the Bucs "O" that'll have it's work cut out for them. Mike "You're in good hands with" Alstott and the O-line need to open up some holes for Cadillac Williams, who's looked more like a Yugo than a cadillac out there. And they'll have to get by "a man named " Bradie James and Demarcus "Ready to" Ware. The 'Boys win the Turkey day roundup 27-17.

BRONCOS @ CHIEFS: For the first time ever it's a third Thanksgiving day game! In a big battle in the AFC West, the Chiefs look to keep their postseason hopes alive. With no Tony "Going, going, going" Gon-zalez the Chiefs will need another big effort from Lary "Don't call me grandmama" Johnson. With Gonzalez out they will also need some production from Jason "A-1 is how steak is" Dunn. But they're up against a tough "D" with Al Wilson pickett and Ian "Solid" Gold dancer leading the charge. They'll get some secondary support for John Lynch "Mob" coming up from the safety position. Broncos win at Arrowhead 13-10.

BEARS @ PATRIOTS: A rematch of Super Bowl XX, won't be the blowout this time around. But the Pats have struggled at the Razor. Meanwhile Tyrannosaurus Rex Grossman has been flustered by good defenses and you know that Bill Belichik will have plenty of blitzing schemes to have T-Rex guessing all game long, looking to make the Bears offense extinct. The defenses will win this game. For the Pats they'll have to shut down a daunting Bears pass rush led by Bad, Bad Alex Brown while Da Bears will have blitzers coming from all over. Not quite as scary as Richard "Fixo" Dent and forget it, barrelling down on ya, but nevertheless. Speakin of Richards, for the Pats Richard "Wear your glasses and you can" Seymour leads the way up front. But it'll be the Pats secondary that'll really have to step it up. The Bears could...go.....all.....the way.....this year, but this'll be wear we find out they're really made of. Bears win it 5-3.

BENGALS @ BROWNS: The Brownies are upset minded but the Bengals are looking to make one final charge and you can be sure that Carson "Lake and" Palmer will have is A-game. This could be a long day for the Cleveland secondary as the Bengals will look to expose Davon Holly "Jolly Christmas". The Browns front seven will have to get some pressure up from, starting with Alvin "Mount" McKinley and their sack leader Kamerion Wimbley stadium. Cuz if they can't get pressure it'll be a big day for TJ Whosyourmama and Ocho Cinco. The Bengals romp 31-16.

EAGLES @ COLTS: The Iggles will need to play flawless football and harken back to the defensive genius of "My" Buddy Ryan. But there will be no Clyde-sdale Simmons, Wes "Hip" Hopkins, Jerome, Jerome, Jerome "on the range" Brown or even Seth "she looks lonely I think I'll" Joyner in Indy for this one. They'll rely on Jermiah "Hot to" Trotter, Matt "the real" McCoy, Brian Dawkins your pay and you can Lito a horse to water but you can't make him drink Shepherd. But we have seen the Colts offense beat good defenses already this year, but are they wearing down.? Well Joseph Addai- in the life, is still full steam ahead and within out Donovan McNabb a sub, the Colts edge the birds 28-20.

PANTHERS @ REDSKINS: The Panthers are looking like playoff team, while the Redskins are on life support. Jason Campbell- chunky soup is still in the learning stages and no better way to learn than having Julius "pick pack of pickled" Peppers pressuring you all game. Panthers roll 20-6

SAINTS @ FALCONS: This is a big game for both teams and their playoff hopes, so Mike Vick's- Vapo Rub needs to protect that ball! The Saints are looking to prove to everyone that they are for real. The Saints will need to keep Mr. Vick in the pocket and force "Hot Rod" Roddy White, Ashley Lelien-Deluxe to get open. Falcons win a wild one inspite of a great defensive effort my Scott "Chicken or steak" Fujita... 42-40

STEELERS @ RAVENS: Air McNair and company can dash all hope of a Super Bowl defense in the Steel City with a win in this one. Watch for the Ravens defense to step it up with a big games from Hloti Ngata "Da vida" and Trevor "Excuse me sir, is this the sale" Pryce, up front. Ravens roll at home 17-6.

JAGUARS @ BILLS: Are the Bills and JP finally starting to click? Well the Jags defense probably won't let Lee "You'll be living in" Evans "down by the river" get open in this one. This should be a defensive struggle with both teams looking to rumble, bumble stumble their ways to a victory. Look for a big game for Donte Whitner- of our discontent. Texans beat the Jags twice. Bills beat the Texans, ergo Bills take it 14-13.

CARDINALS @ VIKINGS: Once upon a time, some people thought the Vikings were playoff contenders. Well lately they've been anything but. They actually lost a game in which they held Miami to -3 rushing yards! Well the Vikes may need to harken the spirits Warren "Cow jumped over the" Moon if they want to make any noise down the stretch. However Denny Green's return to the land of Ten Thousand Lakes will not be a pleasant one and number one pick here you come Arizona, as not even the return of Neil Fa-Lomax in his prime, could help ya now. Vikes win! Vikes win! Vikes win! 21-9

TEXANS @ JETS: David "get out of my dreams and get into my" Carr continues to have a solid season, as the Texans remain fiesty and competitive. But Chad Pennington "for your thoughts", will look to rebound from an awful showing against, DA Bears, in week eleven. Eric Mangini "with clam sauce", take a look at what the Bills did and try and go at the Texans' secondary with the walls of Jericho Cotchery. Jets win it 27-20.

49ERS @ RAMS: Well, Mike Nolan has a done a decent job in San Fran, and it doesn't hurt that Frank "Quoth the Raven, never" Gore has been running all over teams. Could be much of the same against the Rams, as they are giving up close to four yards per carry. But it'll be the arm of Marc "battle of the" Bulger that'll win it for the Rams 31-28.

RAIDERS @ CHARGERS: The Raaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiidahs have shown brief signs of life. While Randy, Moss grows fat on a rolling stone, continues to pout on the sidelines. I have a hunch he'll be joined by a lot of other sad faces in this one as Philip A-Rivers runs through it, carves up the secondary and LT runs over the secondary. The Lightin' Bolts win it big....34-10

GIANTS @ TITANS: The G-Men need this one bad to try and right the ship. They need to pressure Vince Young and the Restless and force lots of mistakes and they will. Antonio "A Separate" Pierce will come up big in this one as the New York football Giants roll along to a 23-16 victory.

PACKERS @ SEAHAWKS: Well the gunslinger, Brett Favre and Away will look to shine on Monday Night, like he's done so many times before. Standing in his way the Seahawks defense led by Lofa Tatupu-platter and company. But the Packers should be more worried about their defense. Because even Seneca "falls, women's rights convention of 1848" Wallace could beat the Packers secondary which looks not Gouda but more like Swiss! Seahawks win it 31-21.

Well there ya have it folks, week twelve in nutshell!

Well thanks Boomer. I don't care what they say about you, you're with me leather!

WEEK XI: KITNA STRIKES BACK!

Now before I start I just want to say that this blog was all written and I was just adding pictures , when all of the sudden I got one of those error messages telling me to end now or cancel, I think. Anyways after pouring three hours of my life into writing this blog, Mozilla decided to shut down. Of course none of it was saved, so now I am retyping the whole thing again, virtually from memory. Some stuff that was in the origianl will be cut out or modified because either I don't remember or because I'm too tired now to bother. So now here is the blog I should have been saving all along:

Well, well, well, it seems that I actually managed to go five hundred with my picks last week after a couple of awful weeks. I realize I haven't updated the standings in awhile, so here ya go:

BITTERNESS: 66-78
MMQB: 66-78
THE GUY: 64-80

Now before I get into the picks here a few nuggets I need to get to:

I apologize to all my readers for a faux pas in last week's picks. You see British Columbia and Saskatchewan were not playing for the Grey Cup, simply for the chance to play for it this week. The Lions won pretty handily by the way and there are no more rouges, they are called singles instead. I'm still stickin with rouges. What I didn't like is that Saskatchewan has a Coors Light logo on their jerseys. That would be like the Patriots having being sponsored by LaBatt Blue! Anyways speaking of jerseys....

It's off to New Jersey where congrats go to the Scarlet Knights of Rutgers who last week beat the then #3 Louisville Cardinals on the foot of Jeremy" the Judge" Ito. It's pretty amazing that if about eight or nine other things in college football fall into place the SUNJ-Rutgers Scarlet Knights could play for the national championship. Unfortunately for them they have the Orange of Syracuse still left on the docket and you know what that means.....an easy win for the Knights.

Mike Tirico on MNF: "They're gonna spot the ball (pause- as if he is going to tell us the yard line or finish with, "beyond the first down marker" or something remotely insightful) where it was when his knee hit the ground." Thanks Mike. Really? They're gonna mark it the same way as they always do in every game? Why are good announcers banished to cover Cardinals-49ers matchups when are stuck with announcers who, while at some point may have added something to the game, now just pack each broadcast with the same trite drivel and schtick? Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh!

And now for the picks:

Patriots @ Packers: The Pats are strugglin a bit and the Packers have a bona fide gunslinger with a great passion for the game. Normally I'd go with the 'slinger, but I have a hunch the Pats win it 26-17

Bengals @ Saints: The storybook season being written in N'awlins is, I'm afraid not gonna have a happy ending. Nueve will find Ocho Cinco so much they'll think it's Mardi Gras in the Big Easy, whatever the heck that means? Bengals win it 21-17.

Titans @ Eagles: The Eagles may be back on track thanks to a visit from the Redskins. I'll give 'em this though, the Titans are feisty, but the Iggles should roll at the Linc 35-21. Every time I hear it called the Linc I think of Mod Squad. No, not the movie with Omar Epps, Claire Danes and the ever irreverent Giovanni Ribisi, but the actuall 60s television show. I think they should have an afro over every entrance. Reason #27 why I should be in charge of a stadium right there!

Vikings @ Dolphins: Have the Dolphins finally woken up? Are they actually gonna finish the season playing the way many predicted them to play at the beginning of the season? Maybe, maybe not. But they should be able to beat the fading Vikings, who look like a pillager without a fjord out there right now....'Phins take it 17-13.

Redskins @ Buccaneers: Okay, okay, I may have overestimated B-Grad just a teenie-tiny bit, but I still say he is perfect in the Gruden offense. Yeah! I said it and I stand by it! I also stand by this, "The Redskins are not good." I know it's a bold statement and I may be goin out on a limb, but unless Jason Campbell is Doug Williams incarnate than the 'Skins fans better have plenty of firewater handy for the rest of the season, because it'll be a long six weeks after this one. This ends in a tie 15-15, because the Bucs ground game is non-existent in the hands of Carnell "Broham" Williams. They might as well have Greg "Cadillac" Anderson running the ball for them!

Colts @ Cowboys: The Cowboys won't be riding these Colts for long. Close for awhile, yes, but the Colts eventually buck 'em and win it 24-20. And by the way, carving up the Cardinal defense doesn't sell me on Tony Romo.

Falcons @ Ravens: Ah the Falcons season, up and down it goes. You know they might be better off if Ron Mexico protected the ball a little better! The thing about the Falcons is that they don't play well every week, so you never know what'll happen. You see I've decided to pull a Costanza when picking Falcons games by doing the opposite of my initial instincts. So I'm pickin the Falcons 17-16.

Rams @ Panthers: The Rams were the quietest 4-2 team in all the land and then four straight losses later they are the loudest 4-5 team around. Okay that may not true but it worked better for my sentence. Just think Rams fans if these games were like 59 minutes long you'd be 6-3 in first place in the NFC West. And if "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts we's all have a fine little Christmas! Panthers break another little piece of the Rams hearts as John Kasay hits a last second field goal giving the Panthers 31-28 win.

Steelers @ Browns: The Browns are riding their third one game winning streak of the season, but alas all good things must come to an end. The Steelers will win this game narrowly and before everyone gets all excited after Big Ben (Parliament) does well and leads them to victory, let's remember this is the Browns folks! No offense Browns fans. Steelers edge 'em 12-10.

Bills @ Texans: Well the Bills hung with the Colts last week and now they head to Houston to face former Bill Eric Moulds, who I'm told his hung like a colt! Weird?! But Bills fans if you need a new face to stick on your dart board, look no further than Sterling Sharpe. After showing the Bills-Colts highlights and the Bills' missed kick Sterling interjected, "Sorta looked like Scott Norwood." Unnecessary, unclassy and uncalled for. It may be your name, but Mr. Sharpe, you are far from sterling. Bills win in Houston 24-14. Also J.P. Losman and David Carr have a hairy side bet in this one. If the Bills lose J.P. shaves his head, losing his gorgeous do, while if the Texans lose D.C. will shave his eyebrows. Now that's something you won't find on ESPN insider! And that's because it has no factual basis! Just chalk it up to things I'd like to see happeing in the NFL.

Raiders @ Chiefs: If the Raiders keep showing signs of life they may pick as low as 7 or 8 in this spring's draft, so they better watch themselves. While Huard versus Walter isn't exactly Elwya versus Marino, this matchup could be good......NAHHHHHHHH! The Chiefs will just run Larry "I'm not grandmama, that's another guy!" Johnson until he can't run no more! And run he shall, all over the Raiders defense. Chiefs take it 42-30

Bears @ Jets: "Man-man-man-mangini" and the Jets are flyin high after their win in the razor last week, but there's turbulence up ahead in the form of the Chicago Bears. The Bears will join the Colts in successfully pulling off the Meadowlands sweep with a 31-21 win.

Lions @ Cardinals: Kitna's gonna make it rain in 'Zona, just you watch! Lions roll on to victory 33-27.

Seahawks @ 49ers: Hasselback and Alexander may playin this one. My question is what's the hurry? It's only the 49ers. So if Hasselback and Alexander play they win it 42-17. If they don't play they win it 28-17.

Chargers @ Broncos: This is the game of the week by far. Two teams battling under the lights, first place in the division on the line. Turner and Hooch against the vaunted Broncos "D". The thin mountain air. This should be a classic. Fo some reason, call it a hunch, but I think the Chargers win this battle 21-20.

Giants @ Jaguars: Let's see the Jaguars play well against decent teams but tend to lose to the Texans, twice even. The Jaguars willl play the G-men tough and after the feds are out of their way they will play the Giants tight. But the key is for the Giants to pressure David Garrard. If they do this, they will prevail and I fell that they will both pressure him and prevail 27-21.

British Columbia vs. Montreal: This one's for all the marbles folks! Let me tell you if Dave Dickensen plays the way he played against the Roughriders last week, then it is the Alouettes who are in for a rough ride. With Dickensen playing well, Jarious Jackson backing him up, Pamela Anderson in their corner, and the aura of Lui Passaglia over them I don't see any reason the Lions can't capture their fifth Grey Cup. The Alouettes will be hungry though after falling to the Edmonton Eskimos in last year's finale. Interestingly enough the last time the Lions won was in 2000 over the Alouettes in Calgary 28-26. I don't think it'll be that close when the two meet in Winnipeg this Sunday. The Lions win by a TD and a rouge 28-20.

Alright, I gotta skidaddle if I'm gonna get this Grey Cup party organized in time! Smoked meats for everyone!

WEEK TEN: VIVA LA KITNA!

Here some things I wanna get in before the picks.

- Here's a fun little game that'll entertain you during any game. My bro-seph, Billyball and myself found it rather amusing. I call it the Bermanator game. What you do is come up with nicknames for the players playing ala Chris Berman. The winner for our first time was Bill with Jeff " Here Comes the" Hostettler.

-On the "hit" NBC show Las Vegas there were two clever lines (this could be the total for the whole run of the show, not sure):
1) "Dundler Mifflin just booked another ballroom we need to beef up security" As in Dundler Mifflin from another NBC show, the Office.
2) At a bar with some dude trying to pick up a girl with a leather top another guy walks up and says, "You're with me leather." Classic.

Alright here's what you came for, possibly:

JETS @ PATRIOTS- The Pats have two losses. One to the undefeated Colts and the other to the Broncos, both at home. Go figure? So much for the Razor's Edge and I ain't talking about Razor Ramon's finishing maneuver. Luckily the Jets aren't as good as the Colts or the Broncos. And Mangini and the Jets (sing it like Benny and the jets by Elton John....Man-man-man mangini and the Jets!) It's solid gold baby! Pats win it 23-11

CHARGERS @ BENGALS- Ocho Cinco might be declaring "No Mas!" in this one my amigos! "Whale's Vagina" takes it 24-21.

REDSKINS @ EAGLES- The Eagles better regain focus and realize that they can't just, in the words of Winston Churchill, "half arse it" through most of the game and expect to come out victorious. I have a sneaking suspicion that 1) We will see Jason Campbell, (mmmm, mmm m better.) and 2) The sluggish Eagles come out a fightin and knck the Deadskins aruond for four quarters. Seriously though does Joe Gibbs think Mark Brunell is Mark Rypien or something? And I don't mean does he think he is the next Mark Rypien, I mean the actual Mark Rypien. Maybe Snyder should stop carousing with TomKat and have Mark Rypien stop by at a practice so Joe Gibbs can see them side by side. Either he'll get it or think he's losing his mind, either way, it's win-win in Raljohn, Maryland. Oh yeah, Eagles win it 14-3

CHIEFS @ DOLPHINS- Damon Huard's triumphant return to Miami. This will be his eighth start this year. The only time he started anywhere near that many games in an NFL season, well, that was in 1999, with, you guessed it, the Miami Dolphins. This could be close, but ,make no mistakes about it, last week was an anomaly. I assure you the Dolphins are no good. I repeat the Dolphins are no good. That being said they can probably rattle good ol' Damon "Don't call me Brock, cause that's not my name! Seriously that's my brother, I am Damon. D-a-m-o-n" Huard and could squeak outa win. Naaaaahhhhhh! Chiefs take it 27-26

COWBOYS @ CARDINALS- A lot of people, myself included, thought the Buzzsaw that is the Arizona Cardinals would be a borderline playoff contender. That is clearly not the case. Is it true it's Garth "wee, wee, wee" Jax day at the Bird's Nest? And the first 10,000 fans get a free bag of Jax? Guess you'll have to either go or find ssomewhere to watch it folks. In the biggest upset I've predicted all season, the Kingdom of the Mighty Cardinal win it on a last second FG by Neil "Cheese and" Rackers 24-23. That's what I want to happen anyways, Romo Arrogato if you please!

BILLS @ COLTS- A classic AFC East rivalry, but Jim Kelly and Jack Trudeau are long gone. And I'm afraid neither Pete Metzalaars nor Quentin Coryatt are suiting up for this one. If you think this is a gimme for the Colts that you don't know Dick.....Jauron! Colts win it but it's closer than you think 21-20. It's okay Billyball, the Quarterback class is looking strong next year I'm told.

49ERS @ LIONS- Hey Wayne Fontes just give the, oh wait, sorry Rod Marinelli, wellllllll eeeeeeexxxxxxxxcccccccccuuuuuuuuussssssse me! Anyways give that ball to Kitna and let him create. Kitna is awesome! Lions win it 47-31.

RAVENS @ TITANS- Poor, poor Vince Young. Oh and let's not everyone start talking abour Brian Billick as an offensive genius. In two games without Jim "check out this Stegosaurus" Fassel they have scored more points, but they have several defensive TDs and I'm sure the bevy of turnovers they had against the Saints helped set up some good field position. NOw I'm not saying Jim Fassel was good or that he should still have his job, but if you think the offense is all of a sudden better, think again. Just wait until Week 13 when Steve McNair's leg falls off and Ray Lewis accidentally eats Kyle Boller. Then what? Hmmm! Yeah well they should have no trouble with the Titans, Ravens win it 20-6

BROWNS @ FALCONS- The Falcons are up and down as I predicted, and as a result who know what'll happen in this one. Well I do, of course! They will win it 21-14

PACKERS @ VIKINGS- A Packers victory and they could actually be in the playoff hunt. Will it happen? In my estimation, no. Vikes pillage AND plunder and defeat everyone's favoritest gunslinger 13-10.

TEXANS @ JAGUARS- The Jaguars can beat good teams, but struggle against the dregs of the league. But no one has ever lost to the Texans twice in a season. "Is that true," you may ask? It could be. Sounds good. Jags avenge their first loss and win it 28-14

SEAHAWKS @ RAMS- Who'da thunk this would be the battle for first in the NFC West? Honestly? This should be interesting, but I like the Rams in a shootout 35-31.

SAINTS @ STEELERS- Sure I rag on the Steelers plenty and mostly it's because, well, I hate them. Is it Charlie Batch time Steelers fans? I think so. You know what? I have a hunch they beat the Saints with the aid of the Spirits of the Ketchup Packet 22-17

BRONCOS VS. RAIDERS- Broncs win it 27-6

BEARS @ GIANTS- With the all injuries on either side this might not live up to it's billing. Buuuuuuuuuttttttt then again, maybe it will? With logic like that I should run for office. Bears win it 5-3.

BUCCANEERS @ PANTHERS- Here's another Monday Night thriller. Note the sarcasm. Well, it's B-Grad's chance to shine on the national stage and shine he shall. But the Panthers are just a much better team. Panther's win it 24-13. But the big question is who will be the in-booth guest this week? Well here's a list of people who should be on the short list. Some good 'ol folks who were at some point in their life, for some period of time, Charlotte residents. Here we go: Grandmama, Mugsy Bogues, Kelly Tripucka, Billy Graham, DJ Flash or Ric Flair, whoooooo!

SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS VS. BRITISH COLUMBIA LIONS- The Lions snag the Grey Cup by four rouges!

Congrats Democrats!
And that's all I got!

WEEK 9: ON DA MOVE

Alright, so, I'm moving so had to slap this weeks picks together pretty quickly. Just take it all in, as this will be the last "Bitterness" blog for about a week or so.
Here are some quick hitters to lead you in:

A fond farewell to Red Auerbach, the greatest coach in NBA history. You'll be missed.

Joe Theismann you suck. Seriously GO.... AWAY!

At what point in Barry Pepper's childhood did he realize that he shouldn't become a doctor.

I'm in a fantasy hockey league. I know nothing about the NHL. Apparently there are no more Nordiques, Jets or Whalers. Travesty. My team name, cause I know you want to know....Bourque Chops. That's right in honor of Phil Bourque. Oh yes and I've won both games I've played so far, good enough for fourth place!

Possible Fantasy Basketball team name....Sandpiper Air



BENGALS @ RAVENS- Well Ocho Cinco did score a touchdown against the Falcons but the Bengals fell short once again. That makes this battle crucial from the sons of the Queen City. Ravens take it 24-13

DOLPHINS @ BEARS- I guess the Dolphins could be better than the 49ers, but that's not saying a whole lot. Who thought Dolphins fans would be pining for Mr. Potato Head himself Jay Fiedler? Actually Joey Harrington through for more yards than any other NFL quarterback in Week 7 in a losing effort. Of course when you throw 62 times I guess you're bound to rack up some yards. Bears maul the Dolphins, I dunno 87-6

COWBOYS @ REDSKINS- Well here's a game I could care less about. The Redskins are just plain bad, while the Cowboys are slightly above mediocre. I guess go with the Romo-sapien and the 'Boys 27-17.

PACKERS @ BILLS- The Bills have a shot if they can hold down a gunslinger with and unsung passion for the game. Sorry, not likely Bills fans. Favre slings the Packers to victory 35-31

TITANS @ JAGUARS- Hmmmm? The Jaguars get crushed by the Texans (I'm pretty sure no one has ever been crushed by the Texans, except their fans, the research team is still looking into it) and the beat the Eagles in Philly? Enigma thy name is Jaguar...s. Jags slow the young Young down and win it 23-17

FALCONS @ LIONS- Kitna vs. Vick. You'll here about it all week my friends, so let me get it started. The QB matchup everyone marked on their schedules at the beginning of the season. And rest assured it'll be just as advertised. Kitna and the Lions roll......over and lose it 38-24

TEXANS @ GIANTS- I CANNOT believe the Texans had their one game winning streak snapped. Man! I think the Giants can handle the upstart Houstons 21-7

CHIEFS @ RAMS- This has the chance to be a decent game. Damon Huard is not as full of suck as most people thought and no one really thinks the Rams are good. It's in St. Louis, which happpens to be the most dangerous city in America (congrats, by the way) so I give the Rams a slight edge 48-42

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS- Saints alive New Orleans got tossed around in week 8! I know what you want to know, "Gee, will they bounce back?" The answer is "no". It's B-Grad's time. Just give him the ball and let him create! And create he will. In my upset special of the week I pick the Bucs to win it, that's right, win it 17-16.

VIKINGS @ 49ERS- The Vikes didn't look good on Monday night, but now they get the Niners, so there! Vikes take it 27-16.

BRONCOS @ STEELERS- I bet a lot of you idiot journalists marked this one down as a key matchup in the Keystone State, when you saw it on the schedule at the beginning of the season. Good call. But the Steelers got smothered by the Raiders defense last week and, well, despite being shown up by Peyton Manning, the Broncos "D" is more than a tad bit better than the Raiders "D". Denver wins it 24-13

BROWNS @ CHARGERS- Sure the Browns are riding that one game hot streak, but the Chargers are pretty good so I think they'll win 31-20

COLTS @ PATRIOTS- This should be a dandy, but I just don't know if the Pats can pull it out. They'll have that field extra sloppy for Peyton and company, but will it be enough? Oh and did anyone else catch the Monday Night team saying how Brady is not really as commercial or that recognizable? I'm pretty sure a few folks outside of New England have heard of him and as my esteemed colleague Bill pointed out, "He's hosted Saturday Night Live for God's sake! I'm going against my better judgement and picking the hometown team. Pats 31-27

RAIDERS @ SEAHAWKS- Seriously, why are the Raiders on in primetime for a third time? Wasn't once too many? Well the Raiders are riding a 2 game winning streak, something I didn't think I'd be typing at all this season, but even with that being treu and Seneca Wallace at the helm the Seahawks win it 27-20

Dem's myn picks and I'm stickin to 'em!

WEEK 8: BYE, BYE KITNA

Well, it was another losing week in Bitter Country, but luckily I tied "The Guy" and maintain my five game lead and still am the only combatant in my challenge, that the other two know nothing about, that is flying above .500. But before I get into this weeks picks let me address a few things from last week:

BASEBALL: Does anyone else want to slap Yadier Molina in the face or perhaps give him a quick jab to the neck? I don't know what it is about him, he just annoys the bajeezus out of me. And I hate when they start saying, "The Cardinals got help from the unlikeliest of players, Yadier Molina." Okay anyone who follows baseball knows that is exactly who you should expect to step up. Mark Lemke, hardly a superstar, but boy could he hit in the postseason. And of course you already know my feeling on Tim McCarver. What gets me, is, grass can't grow on rocks, yet McCarver has or at least had hair. Discuss amongst yourselves.

The funniest thing that happened during Game 7, was when they announced Jose Reyes was coming up, my special lady friend started singing, "Jose Reyes, Jose Reyes." Just like when they sing "Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius" in Planet of the Apes the musical. I laughed heartily. If I had a beverage in my mouth it would have been promptly spit out. Alas I did not and now on to the Week 8 picks:

After a look at the current standings (last week's results in parentheticals):
" Bitterness" - 52-48 (6-7)
" The Guy" - 47-53 (6-7)
" MMQB"- 45-55 (8-5)- Yes you read that correctly

CARDINALS @ PACKERS- Well Denny Green apparently blaming the Offensive Coordinator and dismissing him was not the answer. I like how Denny Green actually said he didn't agree with the play calling down the stretch of the Bears game. Like the Head Coach can't take over the reigns or say something? Well let's see Denny, you fire your OC and then put up a 9-spot on Oakland. OAKLAND! For cryin out loud! How does Denny Green still have a job? Well now they head to Lambeau against everyone's favorite gunslinger and, well, it just seems like it won't turn out well for the Cards. Packers win it 30-24

FALCONS @ BENGALS- Well this is doozy, for sure. Much as I suspected the Falcons are a somewhat inconsistent team, that could very well make the playoffs. Get this: Mikey Vick actually threw, yes threw, for four touchdowns! Well that may not happen again, at least for a long while anyways. I feel the Bengals are a good team, but I don't know how well they can shutdown the Falcons running game. If the Bengals can manage to stay out of jail between now and Sunday they'll win this one by a slim margin 27-26.

RAVENS @ SAINTS- Now Brian Billick, do you really think that Jim Fassel was the problem? I think it's time to take a long hard look in the mirror Brian. What you find may surprise you. This'll be close and I suggest taking the under as the Saints win it 9-5.

TEXANS @ TITANS- Another one of those classic battles, from the most historic of divisions, the AFC South. I mean aside from the Colts you are looking at three teams that have a long and colorful history. The Texans are red hot right now, riding that one game winning streak into Tennesee. While the Titans have now gone consecutive weeks without losing and something's gotta give. I take the Texans hot streak, because we know how well they dismiss the ghosts of the hallowed Coliseum. Oh and fun note the Titans home is now, also, the official home to the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl! Gaylord hotels? Really? That's the best name you could come up with? Who are the ad wizards behind this one? And who thought this would be a good sponsor for a college Bowl game? Anyways, Texans take it 17-16. (Check the name of one of the Gaylord hotels to your right.)

JAGUARS @ EAGLES- Oh Eagles, you do find tragic ways to lose, don't you? But in roll the Jaguars, who were embarrassed by the, is that right, the Texans? Eagles should start winning again, starting with this one 30-17.

SEAHAWKS @ CHIEFS- The Seahawks offense will be lead by Seneca Wallace? I thought he was like their fourth or fifth receiver? Well they can just run the ball and eat clock, right? Their running back is WHO?! Maurice Morris? Hey Maurice Carthon is out of work now, maybe he'd like to run for them this week. Just a thought. The Chiefs were fired up enough to beat the Chargers last week and they have Turner and Hooch! And Vel-J! All signs point to a Chiefs win, which will put the 'Hawks in a real hole in the AFC West, behind San Diego and Denver. Bummer. The Chiefs win it 22-19

49ERS @ BEARS- What a great TECMO matchup! Am I right?! Unfortunately, the 49ers are far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, FAR removed from the TECMO glory days. Somewhere Tom Rathman is watching, drinking a Keystone Light out of the can, unhappy at what his former employer has become. Bears roll 27-6

BUCCANEERS @ GIANTS- I refuse to acknowledge this as Barber bowl, since no one acknowledged the Seahawks-Giants game as Hasselbeck Bowl! Wouldn't it be fun if they just mutually agreed to suit up for the other team and fool EVERYONE! That's something right out of the Patty Duke show. No? How about Sister, Sister? Better? Okay, ya bunch of uncouth heathens. Umm, I guess the Giants hold off a late B-Grad charge and win it 21-17.

RAMS @ CHARGERS- I'm still don't know what to make of the Rams. Or the Chargers, for that matter. This is close, but I don't think the Rams will have enough to overtake the Chargers in the confines of good 'ol Qualcomm Stadium. The Super Chargers are electric in this one and win it 31-23.

COLTS @ BRONCOS- This is a great matchup, as is a battle between an actual colt and an actual bronco. While a colt may be younger and faster, the bronco is of course untamed and there ain't no accounting for that my friends! Also the Broncos have allowed only 2 "garbage" touchdowns all season, and I don't care who you're playing (unless it's like the Helen Keller school for the blind and deaf) that's gall-darn impressive. This is the biggest test the Broncos "D" has had thus far this year. And while, I don't know for sure if they'll keep that stud Peyton out of the endzone they will prevail in this one 17-13.

JETS @ BROWNS- Ahhh, the matchup we've all been waiting for! Okay that's a bold-faced lie, but it will be interesting seeing two former Belichik disciples going toe to toe, mano a mano, head to....well you get the picture. Now the major sports writers may have not found out this little tid bit, but the losing head coach is buying the winning head coach pizza after the game. That's a hot lead and only "Bitterness" was able to bring it to you. When pizza's on the line go with Mangini, trust me! Jets take it 25-17.

STEELERS @ RAIDERS- My mom always said if you didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. But then again, that would make this a pretty boring blog. Irregardless, I'm just giving you the score. Steelers 27-13

COWBOYS @ PANTHERS- Romo phrases and slogans Dallas fans missed out on:
All roads lead to Romo
Romo Arrogato
Romo-sexual (That's Billyball's)
Romocop
The Romo-n Empire
more to come, rest assured......
The Panthers don't create a welcome atmosphere for Romo's first start on Sunday night and win it 21-10

PATRIOTS @ VIKINGS- Two teams who generally play close games. Look for much of the same in this one. Patriots win it 24-23.

That's my blog, I'll try and do better next time.