WEEK FOUR: LONDON CALLING

No, nothing to do with London Fletcher-Baker, it is time for the continuation of the NFL's foreign soil skirmish. Word on the street is there are two games in London this season, and while we would never think of sending the Brits a good game, this year they may actually get a good matchup. I said "may".

"Look kids, Big Ben.....Parliament."

VIKINGS VS. STEELERS (-2.5) (@ London....England)-  Big Ben versus Cassel? How appropriate for the Bruohaha in Britain, as it will be called when you tell the tales of this skirmish to your grandkids years down the road as you prepare to watch it on ESPN Classic VIII.. Will it it be a good game? I mean, maybe? At the very least this matchup does not appear to be too lopsided, so a close game can very well be expected. I mean the Steelers have looked pretty bad and the Vikings lost to the Browns. I might say, "no offense Browns fans", but come on, you know. It is hard to go against Big Ben, in London, right?! Steelers 21-18


RAVENS @ BILLS (+3)- The Bills just seem to build hope and then knock it all down like a Jenga tower when the bratty kid, mad he wasn't invited to play, rolls on by. I refuse to believe the Jets are good or that CJ Spiller forgot how to run or, at the very least, hold onto the football. CJ, you are killing my fantasy team, dude. Pick it up! I don't think I am alone in not knowing what to make of this season's Ravens. I mean I am not a fan of Flacco and think he is overrated, but that doesn't mean he can't win football games. Ray Rice should be back (he has been killing fantasy team #2) this week and, although they rolled without him last week, I think he will be a big factor and he is no Whatshisname Powell. Ravens 23-17

BENGALS @ BROWNS (+3.5)- Perfect trap game, here. Bengals are rolling and stunned the Green Bay Packers last week. However on the other side of that coin the Browns stunned everyone by winning, at Minnesota, with Brian Hoyer as their QB! Despite the current one game winning streak by the Brownies, on paper, using numbers and logic and whatnot, still gotta go with the Bengals in the Ohio Bowl. Bengals 23-14

COLTS @ JAGUARS (+8.5)- The Colts will now have Trent Richardson almost fully up to speed with the offensive plays and such, which vastly improves this Colts offense. Granted not sure they would need that upgrade to beat the Jaguars and the worst helmets in NFL history. Colts 28-7

SEAHAWKS @ TEXANS (+2)- For now, until someone proves otherwise, the 'Hawks are the NFC favorites and you gotta ride that wave like Swayze in Point Break. Seahawks 27-21
 
CARDINALS @ BUCCANEERS (-2.5)- All anyone can talk about on the one NFL show I was watching that was talking about it at the time, is Josh Freeman. Freeman thinks a trade is the best option and that may be so for both parties and I am sure the value for a guy who just got benched in favor of Mike Glennon is fairly high. I think we all thought that Glennon- Freeman thing was going to be Rodgers-Favre all over again, am I right?! Yeah, I had never heard of Glennon before this week either. Cardinals 30-9

BEARS @ LIONS (-3)- Pretty much a toss up. I don't trust Jay Cutler as far as I can throw him...and with my bad hip, I shouldn't be throwing anything. There's just something that just has me not fully on board with the Lions, though. I feel like the Bears "D" trumps the Lions "O". Bears 27-23

GIANTS @ CHIEFS (-4)- Considering how just utterly, totally, awful the G-Men looked last week, the Chiefs don't seem to be getting much love, here. Chiefs defense has been good, and the Giants managed no points against Carolina's defense, last week, soooo....On the road in what is known to be a tough venue for vistors, really cannot go and pick the Giants. Over/ under on the Eli "aw shucks" face is set fairly low right now, at seven. Chiefs 28-10

JETS @ TITANS (-3.5)- The Jets have been much better than I thought they would be.Sure, I still think they are awful, but weeks ago, I thought they were putrid, so they're moving up. Who knows, I may, at some point, upgrade them to questionable. Not this week though. Titans 21-16

COWBOYS @ CHARGERS (+2)- Romo verus Rivers?! I think it is safe to say we all had this matchup circled when this season's schedule was released, right?! No? Cowboys 24-21

REDSKINS @ RAIDERS (+3.5)- Terelle Pryor is sort of the poor man's RG III. Pryor was also concussed or something and may not play. Either way, I think this will be the 'Skins best defensive game of the season. Redskins 24-16

EAGLES @ BRONCOS (-11)- Everyone sort of jumped off that Chip Kelly/Eagles bandwagon like it was the Titanic after it lost that game of chicken to the iceberg. Broncos 31-21

PATRIOTS @ FALCONS (-2)- Not really sold on either team right now, but I have a hunch the Pats could be in trouble on Sunday night. Their defense appears good, but they have not exactly been defending against any offensive juggernauts. Falcons 27-17

DOLPHINS @ SAINTS (-6.5)- The Dolphins are 3-0. 3-0! What?! I am not sure how this is possible, but it happened, so let's just get over it and move on. Welcome to 3-1, Miami. Saints 23- 11

IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT Y'ALL!

Once again (weekly one might say) we have arrived at Thursday, so of course that means Friday is on deck and the weekend is in the hole and, oh yeah, there's a game of professional pigskin (mmmm, pigskin!) to be played! Yep, we got ourselves a rivalry as old as, I dunno, your dad or uncle, maybe?

Oh, it is an NFC West bruhaha of the highest (well, 2nd highest) caliber! Rams-Niners, Kaepernick-Bradford, Harbaugh-Fisher, Boldin-....well you get the gist of it. Both teams have lost two straight, so there's a good chance one losing streak ends tonight. Now, if that don't get you pumped then, well, I cannot help you, friend!

NINERS @ RAMS (+3.5) - Look, the Niners are reeling. With the Seahawks magic number to win the division now at 12, a distinct possibilty that the Niners could be 2.5 games back after tonight, and Colin Kaepernick trying to hone in on Joe Flacco's McDonald's Mighty Wings in a poor, poor nod to the Jordan-Bird Mickey D's commercials of yore, things are not all kittens and rainbows in the Bay Area. Is it time to panic? Yes, Niners fans, panic! Alex Smith is 3-0 without a turnover for crying out loud! Of course it's not time to panic, you nitwits! It's week three! Lose tonight, then we'll see.

The Rams are like the gimmicky, glitzy upstart pick of sorts, at least to the extent that people think they are loaded with talent and potential, but whom no one thinks is a playoff team just yet. I really have nothing to add to that. Niners 24-17.

WEEK THREE: UNDERDOG IS HERE

So as I looked at the lines for the upcoming week in the NFL, I noticed that I like a fari amount of underdogs this week.



By my count, I picked six, count 'em six, underdogs this week, to cover the spread. Whether I am correct or just delusional, well that remains to be seen. Thus far I have been doing a solid job, going 22-9-1 against the spread so far. This is somewhat unprecedented for the "Bitter One", and this could very well be the week that the good picks comes to a crashin hault. Guess time will tell?


CHARGERS @ TITANS (-3)- I just....I can't...I don't. This game does not interest me. Both teams have played the Texans. Chargers lost by less, ispo facto, Chargers win. Chargers 24-21

BROWNS @ VIKINGS (-5.5)- Ahhh, the Brownies. They hung in there last week against the Ravens, but they have only scored 16 points on the season. I don't envision the Browns offense, all of the sudden, lighting it up in week three. Vikings 23-9

BUCCANEERS @ PATRIOTS (-7)- At some point the Patriots will start blowing lesser teams out, right? Right?! I mean, it's the Patriots, for crying out loud! Tampa Bay's defense has been pretty good thus far and the Pats offense is struggling. I feel like, on paper, the Pats should struggle in this one, but part of me thinks the Pats could pull off the ol' lopsided victory this week, like the Pats of old. Ya know, last year's team. Patriots 23-10

TEXANS @ RAVENS (+2.5)- Ravens avoided falling to 0-2, but that could be due in large part to drawing the aforementioned Brownies, in week two. Ravens have not looked great and now Ray Rice is questionable, which makes the Ravens offense even more questionable. Texans 24-14

RAMS @ COWBOYS (-3.5)- Tony Romo is forever on my list (trust me you do not want to be there) after I was saddled with him as QB1 in fantasy football last season. I mean how does a QB play a full game and get zero points, for pete's sake?! That being said, Cowboys at home, against the Rammers? Cowboys 31-24

CARDINALS @ SAINTS (-7.5)- Saints are 2-0 which, sure, is fine, but where's the high-scoring offense we were promised? Is being hidden somewhere with my jetpack?  Arizona has allowed 48 points in two games and given up some big pass plays. I can feel it, this is the week we see an offensive explosion from the Saints. TBD on the jetpacks. Saints 38-31

LIONS @ REDSKINS (-1.5)- The Skins are not off to the greatest start in the world. To say the Skins defense has been awful, would be quite the understatement. Washington's pass defense has been a civ and this week they draw Megatron. Lions 35-31

PACKERS @ BENGALS (+2)- The Bengals defense is somewhere between the Niners and the Redskins, but leaning a bit more towards the Niners end of the spectrum. We're not looking at a shootout nor a slobberknocker here, folks. Packers 27-20

GIANTS @ PANTHERS (-1.5)- I will bash the Giants plenty as the season progresses, trust me, but are they really underdogs against the Panthers? The Carolina Panthers? The thing about the Giants is, they always find a way to build my hopes up that they are really, really awful. Then, out of nowhere, just when I start to believe that life is good, skipping on down the primrose path, little cartoon bluebirds perched upon my shoulder singing a delightful tune, the Giants rattle off like seven straight wins. That annoying habit of theirs will begin to manifest itself this week. Giants 21-10

FALCONS @ DOLPHINS (-2)- I realize this is in Miami and the Dolphins are 2-0 and Steven Jackson is out for the Falcons and the Falcons let the Rams right back into last week's game, but still, two point favorites? Against the Falcons? Really? The Dolphins beat the Colts and the Browns. The Browns, are, well, my mom said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your piehole shut!"(actually the Browns D has been fairly solid), and the Colts almost lost to the Raiders. The Raiders hardly looked dominant against the Jaguars. The Jaguars are more or less the consesus worst team in the NFL this season. It's simple math, kids. Falcons 21-17.

COLTS @ 49ERS (-10.5)- Andrew Luck returns to the Bay Area this week and as homecoming gift the Colts brass grabbed him a good running back. What's that? Luck already had Ahmad Bradshaw? Hahaha, good one! While it'll be tough to see the impact right away, since Richardson faces one of the toughest run defenses in all the land, down the road this should pay big dividends for Indy. 49ers 21-10

JAGUARS @ SEAHAWKS (-19.5)- Well, it only took about 112 game minutes into the season, but the Jaguars did it! They scored an offensive touchdown! Huzzah! Baby steps, Jaguars fans, baby steps. Seahawks 20-6

BILLS @ JETS (-2.5)- Am I the only one who believes in the Williams? Hmmm? I am serious, am I? EJ Manuel is coming into is own and CJ Spiller's best is still yet to come, in my mind. Don't be fooled folks, the Jets are really bad, I swear to Jon Kitna. Bills 17-14.

BEARS @ STEELERS (+2.5)- The Bears are undefeated through two weeks, while the Steelers are, well, defeated. It's glum times in the Steel City, for sure and any glimmer of hope could be eliminated this week. Bears 21-10

RAIDERS @ BRONCOS (-14.5)- The Broncos have scored over 40 points in both games this season and the Raiders are, well, the Raiders. As electrifying as Terrell Pryor may be, this one does not look to be an instant classic. Broncos 35-19

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: ANDY REID BOWL I

Andy Reid's triumphant-ish return to the City of Brotherly Love! Don't pay for the whole seat, cause all you'll need is the EDGE! Andy Reid returns to the city where he was the head coach for over a decade and well, Kansas City BBQ livin' certainly seems to agree with Coach Reid as the Chieves are off to a 2-0 start. Sure, one win was against Jacksonville, who is more or less playing the whipping boy of the NFL this season, but nevertheless, 2-0 is 2-0.

CHIEVES @ EAGLES (-3)- The Eagles have a high-flyin' (pun, unintended, believe it or not) offense and the Chieves seem to have a solid defense, so this sure is an intersting matchup. The verdict is still out on the other side of th ball for both teams, but I do like Alex Smith in KC. Smith was on his way to one of the best seasons of his career last year before getting injured.

Me thinks this one will actually come down to the running games, to keep the defenses honest. Will it be... 


or it will it be...


or perhaps, just maybe, will it be a boring game and become another night to watch...



Hmmm?

I think the Chieves keep this one close, but the Eagles hold on for the "W", Eagles 24-20.

WEEK TWO: BATTLE OF THE YEAR

Well, there's plenty of things to talk about from week one in the NFL. That is probably the most boring and cliche way to possibly start one of these posts.Sure, I wrote it and it it's not, not true, right? But, really after typing that, I realized, I could just start every NFL picks post with that same sentence, replacing the number. Are there going to be weeks when there is not a lot to talk about? Highly unlikely. So basically I just pointed out how lazy I am in starting this post. Two points for honesty, right? Now, this is not speaking, it is the written word, so rather than piling on with an explanation of how lazy and mundane my opening line was, I could have just deleted it and started anew. But, had I done that, you would have missed out on this delightful first paragraph. Now I am already concerned about how to start week three's post. In any event, there are plenty of things to talk about from week one.

There was that whole Kaepernick-Boldin thing in the Bay Area of California in that thrilling-ish Packers-Niners game. There was Peyton Manning throwing seven touchdown passes. There was Buffalo almost beating the Pats. There was the Jaguars scoring two total points early and somehow blowing that 2-0 lead (they really need to tighten up that bullpen). For those fantasy football playing folks, there was the notable absence of studly stats from the likes of CJ Spiller, Marshawn Lynch and Calvin Johnson to name a few. That's already a lot and there is plenty more. But the main thing I want to talk about from week one is Battle of the Year.

You read right, Battle of the Year. I saw a commercial for this "major" motion picture at some point during my viewing of many, many football games. Now this was not one of those commercials that was forced upon us during every waking commercial break or anything. In fact, I am not entirely sure it was on the same channel as an NFL game, but I am like 87% sure this commercial aired while football was happening somewhere. Anyways, back to the point. I saw a commercial for this "major" motion picture titled Battle of the Year. For those of you have not had the pleasure of seeing this commercial, let me catch you up.

Basically Battle of the Year is built in the mold of You Got Served and other dance team related films. From the quick blurb on IMDB:

"Battle of the Year attracts all the best teams from around the world, but the Americans haven't won in fifteen years. Dante enlists Blake to assemble a team of the best dancers and bring the Trophy back to America where it started."

So, right there you have all the makings of a great movie. Dance battlin', underdogs, and a sense of patriotism. I can say, almost for sure, there will be at least one "U-S-A" chant in the audience of the theater you view this in....assuming I am in said theater. To be fair, I get that chant started at most movie viewings, but we're getting off topic. I am not one who is a fan of dance battle films, or dancing in general, and I am not trying to sway you one way or the other on this one. There is only like a 2% chance I will actually ever see this movie. But the thing that caught my eye in the commercial for this "major" motion picture was not the silky smooth dance moves or the glitz and glamor of the competition as a whole. No, no, it was the quick glimpse I caught of Josh Holloway.

Yes the Josh Holloway. Most of you should know Josh Holloway better as the snarky (maybe not the best adjective, but it'll be sufficient) nickname issuing, con-man, Sawyer, from the hit ABC TV series LOST. If you have never watched LOST, you may want to just skip ahead to the picks below. Not because I am going to give away any spoilers or anything, but because this may not be relevant to the enjoyment of this post. Basically, Sawyer is the man.


Sawyer is possibly my favorite character from LOST (it's a very close race) and his character is just so darned manly! Holloway plays the aforementioned "Blake" in Battle of the Year, the man brought in to assemble the team that will bring the title back to the good ol' U.S. of A ("U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A"). Now, before the angry letters from all of my dance team members/coaches/ et al, that read "Bitterness" start pouring in, let me just say, that I am not saying (per se) that assembling, coaching dance battle teams is unmanly. I know it could be implied from the above, but that is not what I am getting at and is not the main reason why Sawyer's appearance in this movie disappoints me so.

Sawyer is an iconic character (in my mind) and not someone who would ever be remotely associated with the seedy underbelly of dance battlin'. Now, I know, it is just a character and Holloway certainly wants to show his range as a thespian but, and all do apologies to fans of the genre, I feel like a dance team movie is a big step down for Holloway. To me, dance battle movies are the equivalent of being sent down to the minors, for a somewhat established actor. Sure, Holloway's movie career is not chock full of high profile roles as is, but nevertheless, I don't think this will do to his career what Pulp Fiction did to John Travolta's. I am still pulling for you Josh, but I don't know about this one. Alright, how about some picks?

CHARGERS@ EAGLES (-7) Chip Kelly's offense looked high-flying and ready to go in week one....for at least a half. Hey Chip, may I call ya Chip? It's a marathon not a sprint. Well, baseball is more of a marathon. Okay, how about, "Hey Chip, may I call ya Chip? It's a 5K, not a sprint. Eagles 24-14

BROWNS @ RAVENS (-6.5) Jury is still out on this new fangled Ravens defense, but the good news is Brandon Weeden is not Peyton Manning. In fact, Brandon Weeden is not even the poor man's Peyton Manning. Ravens 21-9

TITANS @ TEXANS (-9) I have no idea how good or bad the Titans are but I feel like they could be feisty. While I say that and fully believe it, the Texans are much better. Plus JJ Watt was very serviceable as himself on FXX's (rant on that at some point this season, don't you worry) comedy The League, the past two weeks. What does that mean? Nothing really, but Watt will probably have the Locker combo, if you know what I mean. No? Oh, yeah that was not my best work, well see the Titan quarterback is Jake Locker and lockres often times have combination locks. JJ Watt is very good at defense, so he will "figure out" the combination to beating Locker. Yeah, it's a stretch, but, well, let's just move on.  Texans 23-16

DOLPHINS @ COLTS (-2.5) This rivalry from the olden days of the AFC East. The good old days where gas was like a $1 a gallon, you were rewinding your VHS cassette tapes without a care in the world. Ahhh, memories. Tough to say the Colts are good when they almost lost to the Raiders. The Raiders? Really? Raiders ran roughshod (surprisingly the first time this word has ever been used in this space) over the Colts. I don't know that the Dolphins will run on them that well, but this one should be tight.  Dolphins 13-12

PANTHERS @ WILLIAMS (+3) The Williams almost beat the Pats, and they are underdogs at home against Carolina? Now I will grant you, this is not the '07 Patriots they almost beat, but still...what has Carolina done for you lately? Bills 23-17

RAMS @ FALCONS (-6) Tough loss for the Falcons in week one, but that was against what is a pretty good Saints team (I think). I like the Rams enough, sure, but I just don't know about them in this one. Falcons 27-20

REDSKINS @ PACKERS (-7) Both teams are hungry for a victory after week one losses. Packers are at home and I am not sure if RG III is 100% yet. This feels like a trap game, but I am going with my gut, even though that has yet to actually work for me, well, ever. Packers 31-21

COWBOYS @ CHIEVES (-3) You know I really like the Chieves. I am not saying they're a playoff team, but I like their spunk and underdog ways. Alex Smith is probably going to throw for like 7000 yards (hyperbole alert!) this year. Now on the other end of this matchup, I generally loathe the Cowboys. That being said I think the Cowboys win, but it won't stop me from wearing my Elvis Grbac Chieves jersey on Sunday and pretending I am Elvis Grbac's cousin at random bars. Cowboys 26-21

 VIKINGS @ BEARS (-5.5) I am not sure I will ever be confident in Jay Cutler. Just saying. Bears 21-20

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS (+3) The Buccaneers lost to the Jets. The Jets! Sure, it was aided by a dumb penalty by the Buccaneers, but 1) the Jets were still in the game and C) Tampa Bay committed the stupid penalty. Good news is the Bucs will not lose due to a stupid penalty this week. No, no they will lose due to the many, many points the Saints will score on them. Saints 31-13

LIONS@ CARDINALS (+1.5) My upset special, which almost assures a Lions blowout. Watch out for Andre Roberts this week, though! I mean, Roberts is not dangerous (that I know of) to you specifically, but he could have another big week. Yes, I drafted him on a fantasy team and had him on my bench last week and am trying to will him to a big fantasy wee, what of it?!. Cardinals 31-30

JAGUARS @ RAIDERS (-5.5) A lot of people marked this on their calendar....to get the inside track on who will secure that number one draft pick come April. Bold prediction of the week: Jaguars offense scores their first points of the season! Raiders 15-6

BRONCOS @ GIANTS (+4.5) Man, I wish there was some sort of storyline I could talk up for this one. But alas, nothing is coming to mind. Broncos 31-21

49ERS @ SEAHAWKS (-3) An early battle between two teams in the upper echelon of the NFC West and well, the NFC in general, for that matter. The Seahawks beat Carolina 12-7. 12-7. That is not a typo, folks! Alright, you may say, "well, we don't know how good the Panthers are yet..." Fair point, I guess. But in a way, don't we know how good the Panthers are? Yeah, it just got deep.  49ers 24-21

STEELERS @ BENGALS (-7) All I am going to say is to heck with the Steelers! I went out and picked them last week in my survivor pool. For those unfamiliar with a survivor pool, this is where you pick a team each week to win their respective game. Once a team you pick loses, you are out of the pool. Thus, I am no longer in the pool. Now those rational people who like to you use reason and logic in their everyday lives (otherwise known as non-sports fans with a gambling problem) might say this is not in any way, shape or form, the fault of the Steelers. Well to those people, who I am sure read my blog by the tens, I would say, well, while that is fair, I would much rather go on using the Pittsburgh Steelers as a scapegoat for all of my poor life decisions, thank you very much. Bengals 17-9

Here's to football!

      

  

WEEK 2: THURSDAY NIGHT ARGLE BARGLE

Thursday Night Football still isn't quite ingrained in the old noggin', quite like Monday Night Football. I will say I was not an initial fan of Thursday Night Football, but I am starting to come around. Since Gil Grissom left CSI, I have had a bit of a void in my life on Thursday nights. Slowly I am coming to terms with the fact this is something of an event that I can partake of on Thursday night. I still have some

My biggest qualm is that it really crunches into the days of the week where I do not have to pay attention to my gambling fantasy football habit. So many things must be submitted, or what have you, by Thursday instead of Sunday morning. For those not up on first grade arithmetic or the days of the weeks, that's like four fewer days! Well, anyways, that's enough of that rant...for now.

Last week, I was able to pick the Thursday night game, thanks in part to Peyton Manning throwing a butt load of touchdown passes. Manning is currently on pace to throw 112 touchdowns on the season, which would be a record. This week, we get the blood feud that is Jets-Patriots...

JETS @ PATRIOTS (-11.5) - Well, I am sure when most fans think of this matchup, they think of, well....


Yep, the butt fumble heard 'round the world. This, of course, will be the play that will be the football moment forever associated with Mark Sanchez, unless he leads a team to a Super Bowl W.....sorry I had to stop for laughter. I couldn't even finish that sentence. Anyways...

Say what you will about the Jets this season (and believe me, I will) but they are currently tied with the Patriots for first in the AFC East. Sure, they needed a bone-headed play in week one to get there, but they're there!

The thing about week two predictions, and well early season predictions in general, is hard to know the reasons for things happening. What do I mean? I am so very glad you asked! So, for instance,it's hard to tell if the Patriots barely squeaked one out against Buffalo last week because they are far worse than expected or because the Williams are much better than expected. I am sort of "a little from column A, a little from column B" on that one, but it is just too early too tell.

Judging by the spread it seams like most people are still on board with the Patriots' "greatness" and the Jets' "not-so-greatness". I tend to agree or at the very least think the Jets are worse than Buffalo. Plus this is in New England, in prime time, and in a short week. Patriots 31-17

WEEK ONE: "JACKSONVILLE STILL HAS A TEAM?" "YEP, THEY HAVE UNIFORMS AND EVERYTHING!"

The season started already, but that Ravens-Broncos game was just an appetizer and it's time for the main course. A full slate of games and a lot of good looking matchups are on the docket for Sunday and Monday, and I, for one, cannot wait. How happy are who people who save hundreds of dollars by switching to Geico? As happy as me when week one finally gets underway! Alright, let's get to the good stuff!


NEW ENGLAND @ BUFFALO (+9.5)- There was a time, back in the day, when the Buffalo Williams served up a heaping helping of humble pie to Tom Brady and the Pats in a season opener. I am very much in the minority in actually believing there could be an actual upset here in week 1. My thinking is this, Brady has a lot of new receivers and while some are receiving rave reviews thus far, the Pats have a lot of wrinkles in the playbook that may be tricky to pickup. On the other side of the ball you got yourself the talented EJ Manuel. I mean he may not be the next Alex Van Pelt, sure, but he is pretty good. Manuel can scramble, plus the Pats' secondary is not exactly top notch, so they may have their hands full. My boldest prediction in what looks to be a pretty exciting week one, Bills 31-30

TENNESSEE @ PITTSBURGH (-7)- A few years ago this would be a prime matchup, but both teams have recently fallen a bit from grace. The once staunch Steelers offensive line, is like a bunch of swining gates these days, hindering the running game and leaving Big Ben to run for his life, way too often. This one is somewhat close to call but the Steelers have a better defense and Roethlisbeger trumps Locker nine times out of ten. Steelers 21-10  

ATLANTA @ NEW ORLEANS (-3)- This is a humdinger of an opener. The Saints and Falcons should be fighting it out for the NFC Central title all season. Stevie Jackson is an upgrade at RB for the Falcons, giving a team that was a game away from the Super Bowl last season, yet another offensive weapon. Saints were down a bit last year, but with Sean Payton back at the helm, the offense should be firing on all cylinders. This game is more or less a pick 'em, so I am thinking I will go with the home team. Saints 35-31

TAMPA BAY @ NEW YORK JETS (+3.5)- Ah, the Jets. They should be pretty atrocious this season and I will enjoy every last minute of it! Not even sure we have to say much more than that, right? Well, okay, I don't think the Buccos are exactly world beaters, but Geno Smith is facing them. Nothing against Geno, but the losing quarterback from last season's Pinstripe Bowl looked anything but good in the preseason. The fact he was named starter just shows you how much worse Mark Sanchez has looked. Now, some people are not the type to say I told you so. I, however, am not one of those people. I told the world, or at least several people, ages ago, that Dirty Sanchez was highly overrated. It was well before the "butt fumble", which might very well be the play that will forever be associated with Sanchez's life/career. Buccaneers 27-17

KANSAS CITY @ JACKSONVILLE (+4)- The good news for Jaguars fans (they exist right?) is this team will not be nearly as bad as last season's squad. The bad news is, the Jaguars will still not be very good. Blaine Gabbert is one of the least efficient passers in the NFL and despite having a receiver named Cecil Shorts, the jags will still struggle mightily. The Chieves, on the other hand, will be much better than last season and fairly decent. Alex Smith got the old Drew Bledsoe treatment, losing his starting job while he was injured. Smith was on his way to his best NFL season when he was injured and now he is teamed up with Andy Reid. Say what you will about Reid, you know like he is a terrible game manager, looks like Garfield, whatever you want, but he puts together good offenses. The Chieves are a borderline playoff team in my mind, and I think it will be a big day for Jamal Charles and Alex Smith. Chieves 42-13

CINCINNATI @ CHICAGO (-3)- I like the idea of Marc Trestman as a head coach, but not sure how it will go for him. Trestman is supposedly some sort of quarterback whisperer which still may not be enough to help Jay Cutler. The Bengals are pretty good, but not great. I am just not sold on them taking the next step. This should be a good game, but I think the Bears will pull it out at Soldier Field with a big day from Matt Forte. Bears 27-21

MIAMI @ CLEVELAND (-1.5)- The Dolphins added Mike Wallace as a deep threat, but there are still a lot of question marks surrounding this year's squad. There's almost as many questions marks surrounding the Dolphins as there are surrounding Brandon Weeden. Weeden may never be the answer, but the Browns offensive should be much improved. Neither team should be in the playoff hunt but, as of now everyone is even in the standings. Brownies 14-10

SEATTLE @ CAROLINA (+3.5)- This should not even require thinking. The Seahawks have a very good defense and a pretty good offense. The Panthers have, well, um Cam Newton and a lot of holes.Newton can be dominant, that's for sure, but he still makes bad decisions and has not shown he can carry a team on his back. Seahawks 35-7

MINNESOTA @ DETROIT (-4)- Lions had a disappointing season last year coming off a playoff season. so the big question is, which Lions team will show up this year? I think Matthew Stafford is gonna have himself a big ol' year and the addition of Reggis Bush makes the Lions "O" even more formidable. The Vikings could be this season's Lions. Despite having the best running back (player?) in the league, there is still the quarterback position, among other things, to "ponder" (see what I did there?). Vikes "D" will get knocked around a bit here, but AP should keep the Vikings in the game.Lions 24-17

OAKLAND @ INDIANAPOLIS (-10)- While I am not thinking the Colts will necessarily repeat last season's success, the Raiders should be all sorts of bad. Colts 44-6

ARIZONA @ ST. LOUIS (-4.5)- The Cards added Carson Palmer, which should be a big help for their offense and most of all, for Larry Fitz. Fitzy had a down season last year and although Carson Palmer is not the Carson Palmer of old, he is certainly an upgrade from what the Cards trotted out there last season. The Rams should be feisty as well and this could be a big match-up in the battle for third place in the NFC West. Rams 20-17

GREEN BAY @ SAN FRANCISCO (-4.5)- One of the bigger games of this opening weekend, this looks to be a dandy little skirmish. Let me take this moment to say I am not on the Colin Kaepernick bandwagon. Yeah, he got the Niners to the Super Bowl, but I am still not sold. Now that the league has had time to prepare, let's see what he can do, that's what I'm saying.Packers 35-31

NEW YORK GIANTS @ DALLAS (-3.5)- While I don't tend to care much about either of these teams, this will probably be a close (I was very careful to not use the word "good") game. Seems like the road teams have been winning the 1st matchup of the season between these two NFC East rivals. However I don't think it'll happen this time around. Cowboys 28-23

PHILADELPHIA @ WASHINGTON (-3.5)- Redskins start their NFC East title defense at home against the Iggles. Vick vs. RG III. That's what everyone will be tuning in for, right? This one does not figure to be a good old-fashioned slobberknocker. Look for a shootout, my friends. Eagles 38-35

HOUSTON @ SAN DIEGO (+4)- The token, second Monday Night Football game that most on the east coast don't even watch because of work on Tuesday and most of the rest of the world doesn't watch because it's a terrible matchup on paper. Chargers are on the downslide and the Texans have been sliding in the opposite direction. That being said, this is actually one of the better looking matchups...as far as the back half of the opening Monday Night doubleheaders goes.That being said, I think the Texans pull away handily in the end. Texans 28-17.

KICK-OFF TIME

Huh? What? Could it be? Is Bitterness back? Don't adjust your monitors (all five of you), Bitterness is indeed back! Now we have a lot to get to but there will be plenty of time for that, my friends. This is just a quick "howdoyado" first game of the NFL season post. Season and more week one predictions are soon to come. But this one is all about the opener. After staring at fantasy lineups for days upon weeks, there is an actual game to watch! Actual stats will accumulate! Not only that, but it should be a good game, in theory! Huzzah! Let's do it to it!

RAVENS @ BRONCOS (-7.5)- Nothing like a playoff rematch in primetime to kick off a season, am I right? That's rhetorical. Of course I'm right! Don't worry, you'll learn. After basically handing the Ravens a trip to the AFC Championship game on a silver platter last winter, you know the Broncos are looking for revenge. First game of the regular season would totally atone for losing out on a chance to get to the Super Bowl, right? Well, maybe not, but it will still feel good, I would reckon.The Ravens will not have Ray Lewis, and let's face it, more importantly, God, with them for the first time in quite some time.

That's rough. No more Ed Reed either. Well, supposedly the Ravens have done themselves good in making up for these losses. Well, isn't that what they all say? They will certainly get tested early, trying to stymy Peyton Manning. Most think the Ravens will be fine, and I am sure they will, but will they be as good as they were last season? Well, I don't think so, but what do I know, I thought Boku would be around forever?

Turns out Richard Lewis and I both backed the wrong horse there. Anyways on with the prediction. It will be close for awhile, but Broncos will pull away in the Mile High air so as to let Joe Flacco get lucky once again. BRONCOS 31-21


Tune in this weekend for even more predictions and random, yet irrelevant product placement.

PLAY BALL!

Welcome back to baseball, welcome back to "Bitterness"! After today, every Major League Baseball will have played their first game of 2012, barring inclement weather or any sort of natural disaster, I suppose. But you're catchin' what I am throwin', right? Baseball is back and I'm as giddy as a school girl! And as everyone knows there ain't nobody giddier than a gosh darned school girl! Now, I have some bold predictions and burning questions for this upcoming MLB season, which will come in a somewhat later post, coming to an internet near you next week. For today, I've got some early season observations to kick this season off with a "Boom!... goes the dynamite!" And yes, I will continue to beat the phrase, "Boom!.. goes the dynamite" right into the ground, but don't you worry, I'll certainly be tossing even more inane (it's pronounced insane) catchphrases that are sure to be shared around the water cooler at the office. But enough of this argle bargle, on with the show, as it were!

• Are people really raving about the new Marlins stadium/park? With that pinata or whatever it is beyond the centerfield wall? Here's a text exchange I had with a couple of friends of the blog on Wednesday night regarding this, for lack of a better word, stadium:
  

"The green walls in the Marlins Stadium look rather ridiculous."

"Their unis, the walls and that monstrosity over the outfield fence all look ridiculous."

"They're supposed to be a baseball team for christ sake not a gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) off-Broadway cabaret. Have some respect for yourselves!!"

"Bobblehead museum's sorta cool."

"It's a ballpark, not a campy (not that there's anything wrong with that) Mexican (or that) B-movie."

"I like it, what else you got?"

"It's a baseball stadium, not Mexican Liberace!"

"It's a baseball stadium, not a Nacho Libre costume!"

"It's a baseball stadium, not a Spanish talk show! At least not without Bumblebee man!"

"It's a baseball stadium, not a production of Jose and el dreamcoat l'amazicano!"

"Ha! We have a winner!!"

Now, if I've offended anyone, let me just say "Bitterness" has great respect for both Mexican and Spanish cultures and were only pulling from the colorful (see what I did there?) traditions of both. The intent here is not to offend. You will know full well, when we are trying to offend you and your culture and beliefs. It will usually start with me saying, "no offense". Speaking of "no offense"....

• Where were the bats on Real Opening Day? Pitchers dominated! Of the 14 teams in action, only 4 plated more than 3 runs and...
  
• Every game Thursday was decided by three runs or less!
• Jack "someone's bucking for a promotion, probably the pederast" Hannahan (this reference is funnier and less offensive and weird if, like a normal human being, you've memorized every line of Fletch) is atop the Home Run leader board in the AL.
  
• Hannahan, with a select few is now on pace to hit 162 home runs. That'd be a record.
• I pretty much predicted Valverde and Chris Perez's blown saves.
• Valverde is highly overrated and I was never confident last year when he would come into a game. That being said, he may only blow a couple more saves and everyone will be singing his praises again.
  
• Saves are dumb.
• Miguel Cabrera is on pace to commit 162 errors this season. That'd also be a record. The downgraded defense for the Tigers will see a slight uppage in ERA and WHIP for their picthers, if you care about that sort of thing.
• The Alfredo Aceves experiment is off to roaring start! It's one game, I know, but that's why writing this whole post is so much fun. Aceves is not great closer material. I'm sure the Sox could get Rich "El Guapo" Garces back and he'd probably be more effective.
  But seriously, the Sox bullpen? Not exactly confidence inspiring.
• Also, if you had Spring Training in your "Andrew Bailey's first stint to the DL" pool, you are a lucky duck!
• Rangers rotation is getting a ton of hype, but unless Darvish is utterly dominant, their pitching is above average at best. Although, no idea what Feliz will do in the rotation. All I'm saying is anyone not picking the Angels to take the AL West, is nuts! This of course is barring major injuries....The Angles four starter was the Rangers ace last year, for crying out loud!
• Zack Cozart...know him, love him.
• One of the most underrated players in baseball has to be Ben Zobrist. Blind comparison of two keystoners over the past three seasons (from MLB network via my buddy Jables)
  

PLAYER A- .377 OBP, .467 SLG, 243 average total bases.

PLAYER B- .367 OBP, .453 SLG, 246 average total bases.

Player A gets a slight nod, but these are pretty comparable, especially in Fantasy Baseball circles. Player A is Dustin Pedroia and Player B is Zorilla.

• Jay Bruce can outright mash! Reds should win their division with relative ease if they stay healthy.
• Kerry Wood, came in to hold a lead for the Cubs on Thursday....proceeding to walk 3 straight batters, the last with the bases loaded. Oh yeah, he was 0-2 on all 3 hitters.
  
• Dale Sveum will fit in nicely as Cubs manager...sending a guy (Ian Stewart to be exact) from third, on contact, with less than 2 outs, down one run late...leading of course to a ground out and Stewart being cut down at the plate by roughly 75 feet, thusly ending a Cubs rally. Classic Cubs. Sveum as it ever was at Wrigley.
  
• Luckily the Jays pulled out a win, but can't imagine John Farrell was too happy with Rajai Davis not running out a bunt in extra innings leading to a double play, which more or less killed the rally.
• Tough breaks for Justin Masterson, who had the most opening day Ks for an Indians starter in 4 decades), Justin Verlander and Justin, er, I mean, Ryan Dempster.
• Jamie Moyer will start this weekend at age 49. He is pitching against the Astros. The oldest player on the Astros roster is Carlos Lee. He's 35, making him the only Astro that was older than 7 when Moyer pitched in his first game.
• If you are in a deep or NL-only fantasy league, pick up Erik Bedard and ride his decentness till his inevitable trip to the DL. I was thinking this before his first start, in case you were curious.
  
• Same for Bartolo Colon, except switch NL-only to AL-only. But if you needed me to tell you that, then I really don't think I can help you.
• David Freese is wildly overrated.
• Still waiting for that Marlins offense to show up.
• Lance Lynn....remember that name. Next Mike Morgan!
• Not sure if this contributed to the lack of runs on Opening Day, but a lot of home plate umpires seemed to have wide strike zone.
• Eric Thames looks like he belongs in the Majors....circa the 1970s early 80s...

Alright, well that's all I got for you today...but in upcoming "Bitterness" posts I'll delve into advanced stats, praise Mark Grace, make bold predictions, talk up Ben Zobrist, berate Jose Valverde, talk about beers, give you fantasy advice and give you random baseball facts! But for now, my new favorite commercial because, well, just watch....

WEEK 7:

BEARS VS BUCCANEERS (+1) (IN LONDON, ENGLAND): Those blimey Brits are in for a real treat, as we send them Jay Cutler. That should put a quick end to that whole "Ugly Americans" thing! To me the game is kind of cool, but why not try and move it around? Maybe to more old homes of World League of American Football teams? Frankfurt, Barcelona maybe even the rebooted WLAFers in Rhein and Amsterdam? Who wouldn't want to see a skirmish in Frankfurt's gorgeous Waldstadion? Come on! Do it for WLAF superstar Kerwin Bell! BEARS 27-20

REDSKINS @ PANTHERS (-2.5): Point of order, Peter King and the rest of the talking heads, Kurt Coleman did not single-handedly save (possibly) the Eagles season. I think Rex Grossman deserves more credit than he is getting for the Eagles "big" win on Sunday. He was riverboat gamblin', like only a professional riverboat gambler, could riverboat gamble! Riverboat gambler! John Beck was most assuredly adequate in taking over for Sexy Rexy on Sunday, but if I'm a Redksins fan, I'm not super confident in either QB leading them anywhere but to the land of mediocrity. PANTHERS 21-17

CHARGERS @ JETS (+2): Unsexy Rexy got his team back on track a little, by beating the Dolphins, and while the Dolphins are pretty much crud personified, a win is a win. But if the Jets wannna be contenders, they have to be concerned that the 3 teams they beat have a combined record of 3-13, while the team they've lost to are 13-3. Sadly, looking at the Jets schedule from here, I'm not sure this is a must win for the Jets. It would be a big one heading into the bye week, but after the bye, aside from 2 games against Buffalo and one against the Patriots, they have it fairly easy- Broncos, Chiefs, Redskins, Dolphins, Eagles Giants. Now the NFC East teams are inconsistent so you don't know what you're gettin', but as of right now, the Jets could get to 9-7 without beating a winning team. CHARGERS 28-20

SEAHAWKS @ BROWNS (-3): The Niners should be watching this closely as a Seahawks loss puts the Niners magic number at 8! Yes the NFC west is bad. As Frank Caliendo, as George W. Bush, said, " Leading the NFC West is like being the most famous Menefee." I keep waiting for Colt McCoy to go off or for Peyton Hills to help my gosh darned fantasy team by doing ANYTHING! But, alas, neither has quite happened yet. Could this be the week? Probably not, but I like the Brownies over the Hawks, regardless. BROWNS 24-16

TEXANS @ TITANS (-3): Pretty big game in the AFC South, what with the Colts and Jaguars being more or less non-entities this year. A rested and refreshed Matt Hasselbeck against the Mario Williams-less Texans. This could probably go either way, but I am going for the rested Titans. TITANS 25-21

BRONCOS @ DOLPHINS (-1.5): Well, this should be, hands down, the "game I could not care less about" for week seven. But Tim Tebow is playing! I mean did the odds makers completely forget this when making the spread? The spread should be the Broncos by 57! Tim Tebow, walks on water! Tim Tebow can eat just one potato chip! Tim Tebow is the cure for Bieber Fever! Tim Tebow throws footballs through brick walls....with his non-throwing hand! It takes Tim Tebow 30 seconds to make Minute Rice! But seriously, he's wildly overrated and I am glad the media has kept this story in check and not blown it out of all sorts of proportions. BRONCOS 87-3

FALCONS @ LIONS (-3.5): The Falcons continue to disappoint me, but were able to put the Panthers away last week. The Lions were handed their first loss, but I still think they're the real deal. Besides the Falcons have not won two games in a row yet this season! LIONS 31-27

CHIEFS @ RAIDERS (-4.5): Well if the Radiers are for real or not, will not be proven this week against the lowly Chiefs. Even with Hesiman running the offense (that reference is for the die hard "Bitterness" fans). And is it just me or does it seem like a really long time ago that KC won the AFC West? Apparently it was just last season? RAIDERS 35-20

STEELERS @ CARDINALS (+3.5): Just one of two, yes TWO, games between teams that have met each other in a Super Bowl. And they both figure to be equally un-compelling games. This is not of those games where I give the Cards no chance because I am somehow under the delusion the Steelers are ridiculously great. No, no. I give the Cards no chance cause they're terrible. STEELERS 24-17


RAMS @ COWBOYS (-12): This one slides right into this week's, "Game I Could Not Care Less About" spot. COWBOYS 42-12

PACKERS @ VIKINGS (-9): Easy first game for Christian Ponder against the undefeated, defending Super Bowl champs. Good luck with all of that. PACKERS 27-14

COLTS @ SAINTS (-14): Super Bowl, um, something or other, rematch looked great before Peyton Manning went under the knife. Saints should downright cruise, not sure why they wouldn't. But I still stay away from a spread this big. SAINTS 28-17

RAVENS @ JAGUARS (+7.5): Really? Someone actually thought the Jaguars deserved a Monday night game? At home? This is shaping up to be one of the worst years for Monday Night Football that I can remember. RAVENS 31-13

Next week, extra cheese!

WEEK SIX: GAME OF KITNAS

RAMS @ PACKERS (-15): The Rams have been less than impressive for the most part and the Packers are pretty darned good. The Packers have to be the front runners for the NFC crown at this point and I don't foresee their first loss coming this week. PACKERS 31-17

JAGUARS @ STEELERS (-12): Much to my surprise the Steelers trounced the Titans last week. I'm pretty entertained by the fact that when the Steelers lose they're too old, and when they win they're not too old at all. Well, I still think they're getting old and are overrated, but the Jaguars are rated just right and that bodes well for the Steelers. STEELERS 21-13

EAGLES @ REDSKINS (+1.5): Panic time in Philly! I repeat, time to PANIC, Eagles! Another must win for the Eagles here against the Skins in our nation's capital. It appears the Eagles are just overrated. Vick is good though and at some point you gotta figure the Eagles will turn it on and string some wins together. My bet? It starts this week. EAGLES 27-17

49ERS @ LIONS (-4): A battle between two of the early season upstarts. The Niners are fairly good, but I feel like the Lions are much more legit. The Niners defense will certainly have their work cut out for them, as they try and contain Megatron, who is well on his way to setting the single season receiving touchdowns record. LIONS 23-14

PANTHERS @ FALCONS (-4): I continue to try aNd have faith in the Falcons, but there's just something about them that screams mediocrity. This is why this is my upset special this week. I mean Figgy can really toss the pigskin and the Panthers are bound to get some big wins eventually, so why not this week? PANTHERS 27-21

COLTS @ BENGALS (-7): Not much faith in Curtis Painter I guess, huh? Kind of feels like Peyton Manning should be the MVP for not playing. I mean, look at how valuable he was to the Colts! Well Curtis Painter is no Peyton Manning and Andy Dalton is no Akili Smith! The Bengals are not gawd awful and I don't think the Colts are as gawd awful as most people think. Hope that clears things up. BENGALS 24-21

BILLS @ GIANTS (-3): Ah, a rematch of an umentionable game to Buffaloians. Buffaloans? Buffaloers? Ah well, that game is far in the past (yet never forgotten). Giants lost gloriously last week, when their bold strategy to not cover a Seahawks receiver backfired late in the game. Meanwhile the Bills got right back on track with a win against Philly and are looking solid. BILLS 23-17

TEXANS @ RAVENS (-7.5): The Texans fell short against the Raiders last week and lost Mario Williams....not good times in Houston. The Ravens are for reals, me thinks and they will beat up on dem reelin' Texans. RAVENS 24-14

BROWNS @ RAIDERS (-6.5): Well my 0-5 fantasy team is riding on McCoy and Hillis this week to get us in the "W" column. McCoy and Hillis sounds like it would be a cool cowboy show. Or perhaps a buddy cop show set in Texas or Wyoming. RAIDERS 28-24

COWBOYS @ PATRIOTS (-7): Patriots added a consistent running game against the Jets last week and if they keep that up it could be Bad News Bears, Walter Matthau for the rest of the league. The Cowboys have been very, well, Cowboyesque, being wildly inconsistent that is. It will be no picnic for the Romosexual and the Boys on Sunday that's for darned sure. PATRIOTS 31-22

SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS (+4.5): The Buccaneers have come down to earth, as it were, the last couple of weeks. Of course if you weren't buying into the talking heads' Hypemaster 5000 , and were buying into the Talkng Heads' More Songs About Buildings and Food, you'd know the Bucs were on the earth the entire time and the Talking Heads are awesome. SAINTS 35-17

Ugh, as for the Sunday and Monday night games, I really think they are both horrible games althought they could end up being close, who knows? But that's about all I have to say about that.

VIKINGS @ BEARS (-3): BEARS 24-10

DOLPHINS @ JETS (-7) : JETS 14-10

WEEK FIVE: ROCK'EM SOCK'EM KITNA

Less games, less "Bitterness". Or at least that will be my excuse for a slightly abbreviated post this week. The real excuse is, like so many of you, I will be waiting in line for tickets to repeated showings of Real Steel, aka Rock'em Sock'em Robots: The Movie. Don't try and deny it, I know some of you are reading this on your smart phones while you wait in line to be one of the first on your block to see it, right now! So with this epic surefire Oscar winner out in theaters, I'm gonna go all board game on your respective behinds this week! Milton Bradley and the Parker Brothers will be proud! Like wth many other weeks, I flipped a coin to decide almost every game.

CHIEFS @ COLTS (-2.5): UNO! That is the number of wins these teams have. Combined. The Colts have shown some moxie, but are in desperate need of one of them "reverse" cards to change their luck. CHIEFS 23-19

CARDINALS @ VIKINGS (-2.5): The Vikings are all hungry, hungry hippos for that first win and just like last week, I think this is the week! VIKINGS 28-21

EAGLES @ BILLS (+2.5): Bills took their first loss last week, so they ain't in Candyland anymore! Yeah, I have no idea what that means. BILLS 23-18

RAIDERS @ TEXANS (-6): You may want to Skip-"bo" watching this one, but it could be an interesting battle as the Raiders look like they may be feisty most of the season. TEXANS 34-27

SAINTS @ PANTHERS (+6.5): Feels like this could be a classic "mouse" trap game. Panthers have been close and Cam Newton has been ridonkulous for the most part. This could be similar to the battle against the Texans, somehow. SAINTS 38-35

BENGALS @ JAGUARS (-2.5): The Bengals have been up and down like a mad game of Chutes and Ladders. Two rookie QBs lock horns in this one and it seems like anyone's game. I'm going with the Bengals and their momentum. BENGALS 24-20

TITANS @ STEELERS (-3): Your rock'em sock'em slugfest of the week! CJ broke 100 yards last week, but just when he gets goin, he faces the Steelers D who have given up like two 100-yd rushing games to a back in their last 852 games. I am looking into confirming that number, but it sure looks like Turn and Coughlin is headed to 0-5. Sigh. TITANS 17-11

SEAHAWKS @ GIANTS (-9.5): Yahtzee! This is this week's "game I could not care less about!" GIANTS 27-20

BUCCANEERS @ 49ERS (-3): Buccaneers, do not pass "GO", do not collect your fourth win, the 49ers will have a monopoly on the good plays in this one. NINERS 21-14

JETS @ PATRIOTS (-9): Belichik and Rex Ryan will engage in Stratego like battle once again. This could go either way and I am not seeing where this spread came from. While the Pats still have last year's playoff game in the back of their minds their defense has played quite awfully thus far. PATRIOTS 31-28

CHARGERS @ BRONCOS (+4): SORRR-y, Broncos, you just aren't good enough. Is this the week we see Tim Tebow actually factor in? Do I really care? CHARGERS 35-21

PACKERS @ FALCONS (+6): A rematch of last year's playoff game when Aaron Rodgers carved the Falcons up like an Operation champ! Shouldn't be much different this time around! PACKERS 33-23


BEARS @ LIONS (-5.5): Not much of a clue on this one. Will it be Professor Forte with his running in the Lions secondary or Colonel Stafford with his Megatron in the end zone? Coinflip says.... LIONS 31-27

And now your cheese! Well, Pa- CHEESE.......i:

WEEK FOUR: ANY WHICH WAY BUT KITNA

In week three:

The Bills snapped their losing streak against the Patriots, and took over sole posssesion of 1st in the AFC East because...the Jets were beaten by the upstart Raiders who did not need to come from 20 points down to win like....the Lions, who are 3-0 for the first time in quite some time, after becoming the third team in a row to come back from a double digit deficit against.....the Vikings, who couldn't hold a lead if they had a hot date with a....I lost my train of thought. Umm, OH, the Packers win, but were deaked out of their tight pants by the Bears on a late punt return which was almost a touchdown, but not for a big holding penalty, and it was just slightly more exciting than....the monsoon that enveloped the Jags-Panthers game for about a quarter or so which would have been a great excuse for...the 1st 13-8 final in NFL history, but sadly the Bengals-Niners battle of futility was played in the bright sunshine not under the lights like....the Monday nighter that saw the second 9-9 halftime score ever in NFL history as the Cowboys won with out scoring a touchdown. Well, quite a week for sure and I gotta believe week four will be just as compelling as the Lions and Bills go for 4-0? Still doesn't sound quite right but I like it!

DETROIT @ DALLAS (-1): Is Tony Romo tough, stupid, or both? Well, say what you will (lord knows I will throughout the season) but I'd take Romo over Brady any day....in the octagon. Well, maybe not a day with cracked ribs. Maybe. While I'm not, and may never be, sold on Romo's playing ability, the Cowboys defense may be turning a corner and right now that could certainly keep them in the NFC East race. I mean how does a team win, without scoring a touchdown and fumbling six, count 'em, six times? Defense probably has something to do with that, right? Although I wouldn't exactly call the 'Skins an offensive juggrenaut even with Sexy Rexy at the helm (sorry long time "Bitterness" reader Rex Grossman's mom).

On the other side of the field will be the Lions who are 3-0 for the first time since, well, I dunno, but it's been decades, plural, since it happened. Not even the Scott Mitchell or Erik Kramer Lions started a season 3-0. They also never did it once with Barry Sanders in the backfield. Another fun note, is the last Lions QB to lead them back from a 20 point deficit is Bobby Layne.

Now, I don't know how good the Lions really are yet, but I am inclined to beleive they are somewhat legit. And I think you all know I don't toss around that "somewhat legit" label around freely! LIONS 27-21

NEW ORLEANS @ JACKSONVILLE (+7): No one is gonna confuse this year's Saints defense with the Steel Curtain defense of the Steelers or the '85 Bears defense that's for darned sure. I guess, to be fair, they were torched by a couple of pretty good QBs. Sunday they get a QB with exactly one NFL start under his belt. Barring another gorilla monsoon like in last week's Jags' game, I'd say the Saints should not have too much trouble in this one. SAINTS 31-18

SAN FRANCISCO @ PHILADELPHIA (-8.5): Michael Vick has practiced and says he's 100% sure he'll play against the Niners on Sunday. Well that's good enough for me, Dr. Vick! Even if he does play, there's no guarantee he'll be 100% and right now he's having trouble taking snaps under center, which is sort of a pretty big part of his duties on Sunday. If the Eagles have to have Kafka be king of "The Castle" (obscure literary reference of the week) again, it may spell trouble for Philly. EAGLES 21-17

WASHINGTON @ ST. LOUIS (+1.5): This weeks's winner of "the game I could not care less about" award. The Rams have shown little improvement week to week and, in fact, seemed to take a giant leap backwards last week. Which means this is a no-brainer to pick the Skins, which is what I will do, which is why the Rammers have an excellent shot at getting their first "W" of the season. REDKSINS 27-21

TENNESSEE @ CLEVELAND (-1): All the talk since Manning was not going to start for Indy, has been about the AFC South is the Texans division to lose. But hold the phone! How did people dismiss the Titans from the get go? I mean they've played decent enough and at some point you gotta think CJ will start making an impact, right? Please say yes, cause Turn and Coughlin is 0-3 and could really use some production from our first round pick already! Okay, sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, don't sleep on the Titans, or hay, it's downright itchy. TITANS 31-21

BUFFALO @ CINCINNATI (+3): Buffalo is flying high this week. While I can't say I was sure the Williams would win last week, I knew they'd cover. "So, is it safe to now say the Bills are for real this year?" you may be asking. They have their shortcomings for sure, but right now they have a very good shot at 4-0 as long as they don't get too overconfident after their big win last week. BILLS 35-15

MINNESOTA @ KANSAS CITY (-1.5): The Vikings have blown double digit leads in all three of their games this season. The last, a 20 point lead against the division rival Lions. Now it seems like it's hard to put all of this on the shoulders of my fellow Syracuse alum, Donovan McNabb, but I have seen very little of their games, so I can't really say. What I can say is most Vikings fans are no longer pondering, but calling for a QB change to, well, Ponder. I think the Vikes hold on this week against the Charlesless Chieves. VIKINGS 23-14

CAROLINA @ CHICAGO (-6.5): The Bears probably had the play of the day Sunday with that punt return that faked everyone out, including the cameraman! Everyone watching at home was wondering what was happening as we did not even see Johnny Knox catch that punt. Too bad a holding penalty negated that effort. Meanwhile Cam Newton was stumbling a bit, partly in a monsoon, against the Jags and now he gets da Bears, could be another long afternoon for the rookie. BEARS 27-15

PITTSBURGH @ HOUSTON (-4): The Steelers may very well make the playoffs this year, but right now they're not looking a team that should. Their offensive line is a civ and, well, most of their team is kinda old. The Texans on the other hand are the fancy schmancy pick to win the AFC South. Well, they had their chance to impress me last week, and while they did put up a valiant effort and have been without Arian Foster for the most part, I'm still not buyin' what their sellin'. That being said, I think they win this one. TEXANS 22-14

ATLANTA @ SEATTLE (+4.5): I don't know much about the Seahawks, and I don't care to. I'm still holding on to the idea the Falcons are gonna be good, but it's getting harder and harder (that's what she said?) by the week. FALCONS 45-17

NEW YORK GIANTS @ ARIZONA (+1.5): Yeah, there was quite a contest for "the game I coul not care less about". Frankly beating the Eagles last week didn't impress me as much as it impressed most. I guess it depends on how good the Eagles defense really is. I'll tell ya this much, if Victor Cruz keeps doing his best Phil McConkey impersonation




for the G-men, everything else is cream cheese! GIANTS 21-14

MIAMI @ SAN DIEGO (-7): Am I the only one who still sees the name Tony Sparano and thinks Tony Soprano? I'm surprised I haven't seen shirts with "the Sparanos" on them, knocking off the Sopranos logo. Although, I guess Miami fans aren't all that bright (Miami fans send your hate mail to jayfiedler@imanidiot.net ) and maybe don't know the Sopranos were fictional and are trying to avoid the wrath of Tony. Or maybe it's because it depitcs a firearm?

I'd assume they'd just put Snowflake there in it's place, right?

Anyways, the Chargers always start slow, so the fact they are 2-1 has to be a good sign for Norv and company. Plus the Dolphins don't appear to be very good, so a 3-1 record seems to be in the cards for the Bolts. CHARGERS 24-10

DENVER @ GREEN BAY (-12.5): The Packers are legit, but I feel like they may play down to their opponents, and that 12.5 spread is a bit daunting. Basically, I try to not pick teams to cover double digit spreads and this is no different, even though they could very well cover. Got that? PACKERS 28-17

NEW ENGLAND @ OAKLAND (+4): The Belichik Patriots rarely lose two in a row it seems, so the Raiders may very well just be Tom Brady's whipping boys this Sunday, regardless of the fact they may be good this year and this game is in the black hole amongst all them passionate (read: psychotic) Raiders fans. PATRIOTS 38-24

NEW YORK JETS @ BALTIMORE (-3.5): This'll be a defensive battle, one would reckon. I'm inclined to believe the Ravens we saw in weeks one and three were the real Ravens. Or, maybe they'll only play good in odd numbered weeks, who the heck knows? RAVENS 23-17

INDIANAPOLIS @ TAMPA BAY (-10): Okay, this was very much in the running for "the game this week I could not care less about" but I am kind of curious to see what the Bucs do and c'mon ya gotta care about primetime games featuring Curtis Painter, right? I mean look at that punim:

Am I right folks? Well, his family might wanna watch. I said, "might". BUCCANEERS 16-10

So, there ya have it, another week of picks in the books, enjoy the games and your cheese: